♪ The bells of the North ♪
I don’t know if it’s going to be long, but I just want to say to the boys, especially those who have had a marathon with their girlfriends: If you really intend to stay with a girl for life, then get married if you have been in love for more than five years, and if you can’t get married for any reason, at least you have to make a promise to the other person that the girl you’ve been in love with for so long has a place in peace.
Maybe I’ll start with this conclusion, and it’ll be approved by a lot of people. It’s been a long time since I wrote this station. I just want to have a bit of a precedent for people who may have something like me.
Exbf and I knew each other in the second year of undergraduate studies, and then started to fall in love; in our normal view, we were right from the beginning. We’re a good fit:
Even if we broke up now,
I still think he’s a good man; he’s gentle, steady and typical of a rational person; I’m a bit more lively, a little more playful and a little more emotional (basically, she’s got a lot of downsides and advantages in her studies above). We spent two years with undergraduates, three years with graduate students, two years with a doctor, and rarely fought. He’s nice to me; sometimes I’m upset and he’s not anxious with me; when I’m done, I feel wrong and I’m going to apologize to him.
Other aspects are appropriate. It is more in line with the views of parents and friends, both at home and in all respects. He’s Qinghua, I’m the North, I’m the North, I’m the North, I’m the North, I’m the South, I’m the South, and so is the family, his parents are civil servants, my parents are doctors, all medium-sized cities. Both parents are actually happy.
We’ve been in love since our second year, both Zhou and ourselves. Both parents, including those who were later satisfied, were basically in third grade, and we were in two shifts in the New Year. When I was 25 years old when I graduated from third grade, my parents said, “Why don’t you two take the certificate or you’re already a graduate?” I thought there was nothing I could do because we both had to read, and it didn’t mean much to get married, because there was no way to get a family. But I told him what I usually said, and he usually agreed. But he was strongly opposed to it and said, “No, I don’t want to end it now.
I was surprised. Actually, if he said so, maybe I’d just go through my ear. But he objected, and I felt a little out of my mind.
We’ve been together for five years. We’ve been honest. We’ve never lived outside. But I’m thinking that we’ve all graduated, that we’re old and old, that I’m 25 years old and he’s 26 years old, and that it’s hard to say if anything happens in the future. The most realistic example: for example, when a couple travels out together, it usually sets a standard room; it’s usually the default of a couple’s room. Can’t we just come up and say that we can’t do it? It’s definitely impossible. In a similar case, getting married is convenient for me to consider.
Since he was firmly opposed, I asked him for reasons and he was not able to say (or unwilling to say?) he simply stated that he did not want to get married so early. Well, I understand. I explained to my parents that my parents were not happy. Because my dad actually thought that the house price in Beijing was rising, and he wanted to buy us a house in Beijing sooner. Dad told me several times that he had hundreds of thousands of dollars on his hands and that it was useless to put them in a bank.
Exbt is straight, five years, my doctor is four years, so he’s expected to graduate two years earlier. I was 26 years old when my parents mentioned marriage again. To be honest, my heart was different then, and I wanted to get married, perhaps that’s the weakness of girls. I don’t know if I’m all alone or if most girls want to get married at a certain age. As I grew older, I looked at the girls around me and found it harder to find bt. I’ve got a lot of girls in school, and I’ve got a really good personal condition, I’ve got a good look, but I can’t talk about the right boyfriend. Because of the fact that boys of almost the same age are either having a girlfriend or getting married, it’s getting harder and harder to be around. I think it’s normal for a girl to have anxiety at my age. Moreover, for so many years in the north, I have been living in a collective living in a school dormitory, and I really want to start having my own home and family life. Even if we got married, we didn’t have that condition in the first place, but there was at least one in the heart and there was hope.
So when my parents brought up the wedding thing again, I told extraf. He was silent as soon as he got married. I asked him if he was against it again. He said he just didn’t want to get married so early.
We said, ‘I did not ask you to marry now.’ I mean, you were 28 when you graduated, and you married at that age.
And he said, “Why get married so early?”
I said, “Well, from your point of view, you may have marital phobia. But you should also think for me: Even when you graduate, I’m 27 years old. How long do you want to delay?
Exbf just shut up and don’t talk.
I can’t ask anymore. And I said, “We’ve been together for so many years, I thought our relationship was fixed. Since I was 19 years old at the second grade of college, and with you, I’ve always thought we’d be married and together for life. But since your reaction to the marriage you don’t seem to have any intention of marrying me?”
Exbf says, “I just don’t want to think about it yet.
So I said, “Can you give me a similar idea, like, when? 30?” 40 or 50? If you don’t even want to marry me, then you should tell me before you delay each other.
I was really sad when I said that. I’m with exbf, not without a bump in the middle. I’m just a normal girl, not a man with a very strong will and a special cow; for almost eight years with him, there were conditions in the middle. He’s a better boy. I’m not unshakable.
But eventually I didn’t accept anyone else, because I always felt that there was no one better. Life is such a long time and there’s always a better person who can’t make a stick with a good one. And me and him in three years, four years, five years, six years… the more I appreciate that. It’s been so long since people were together.
The later, the more. Then I got more upset and worse.
He’s really nice to me. We’re never accounting for each other, emotionally, temporally, financially. I went to Hong Kong for six months, and he thought the girls in Hong Kong would be very expensive, so his pay card.
Almost all for me. In fact, if he lives alone, the scholarship is enough; but he always says he doesn’t save money, he buys whatever he wants, she’s a pretty girl, she spends her money, he spends it in.
And normally, for example, when I have classes at night or go to the library, sometimes I’m very tired, and I don’t want to go back to the dormitory (when the dormitory is only 15 minutes away from the library) and text him that I’m tired, and he immediately drops down the experiment on his hands and runs from Qinghua to North China to take me back to the dormitory on a bike… It’s all small things, but I noticed.
It’s because I feel his good, so every time he rejects my offer, I expect results.
But every time, it’s very low and hard to understand.
Is it really because of phobia? But I’ve heard before,
A man who really loves a woman would want to marry her.
So I don’t believe in him and not in our feelings. Maybe all these years, I’ve been here all by myself, thinking, of course, we’ll get married, spend the rest of our lives, and maybe he just wants to be in love with me. His personal conditions are very good, and the age and education of a male is an added value, unlike our girls. We are a process of constant devaluation with age and higher education. Look at the single girl I’m with, and I can predict if I get dumped… I’m not kidding. I’m serious.
Dr. extraf graduated when I was second.
I asked him again about the marriage.
On the first night of my presentation, I was sitting alone on the steps in front of the tube for a long time. I said to myself, this is the last time. I’ve never seen a girl so ashamed.
The marriage was repeatedly proposed to the boyfriend and then repeatedly rejected. Am I being too cheap?
The next day, we went out for dinner and I brought this up. I said, “You’ll be out in a few months. Do you think we’d better take it?”
No accident, he refused again. He refused this time. I didn’t ask anything. Anyway, this time I asked, it was only the last hope to give myself an answer and to give him an answer, whether or not he realized it.
At that time, I decided to break up with him, but at that time I said nothing. I’d like to wait until he’s gone to America and I’ll e-mail him or call him about it.
This time, his refusal was a lot easier for me, and it was pain after all, eight years together. All the youth, the best time of my life and the happiest time of my life are connected to him.
I didn’t know if I would trust anything in the future. I used to believe in him, in love itself. When I was a kid, I felt that if I was good, God wouldn’t be bad for the good; I thought if I tried hard enough, I wanted something.
As long as it’s not too much, it’s available. But suddenly, I realized I was wrong, and the others were right.
Remember how many times we used to walk in the east and talk at the lake, and I’ve always been stupid to say, “You said, “We’ll have kids, we’ll grow up, we’ll bring them to play, and you can say, “Hey, Mom and Dad used to walk here.”
Now remember, I’m stupid…
After the summer, he went to America. I took him to the airport, and when I got back I opened the mailbox. A few hundred words of letters, I have deleted and deleted, and I have made my thoughts clear.
I sat in front of the computer and cried. I don’t know if I’ll regret it in the future, but all I know is that I’ll push this button even if the time comes. History can’t change. It’s human. Maybe I was wrong at the beginning and he was wrong.
He received letters, called me, wrote to me, asked me why. If you have to simplify everything, the simplest reason is that you don’t want to get married; and I, I’m 27 years old, and I don’t want to wait until the day you’re not afraid to get married — If that’s why you don’t want to get married, as you say.
I had no idea to marry a man of oxen, a man of success, a man of wealth, or to drive a car with jewels in the future. I haven’t had it in the past, I haven’t, I won’t have it in the future. I just want a commitment, an expectation I can have, a hope for a family. I want to live a lifetime with a man and wake up every morning in the arms of a man, and I want to hear the voices of children running around the house in the future, trying to grow old with a man. One day, two people are pale.
We can go five or four ways together, pointing at the whole building: remember, this used to be the third school, where we used to eat dumplings.
Am I expecting too much and asking too much?
After eight years of love, the result was this. When he came back for Christmas, he said he thought about it, he didn’t want to break up, he wanted to marry me.
And if I were the undergraduate girl who was the one who was the big fan of the war, I would have caught his little braid and said, “Yes.” You’re illiterate!
But feelings are like water, let go, and it’s gone. At that time, I no longer had any consciousness about him.
His word… a word. Maybe a man can really calm down when he’s sad enough.
I shook my head and said, “No, you don’t have to make this happen. Besides,
I already have a new boyfriend.
I couldn’t describe his face. I don’t know what he thinks of me; what would he think of me, having spent eight years together and having a new boyfriend before six months apart? He must think so. But forget it. It doesn’t matter what he thinks.
I’ve been waiting to say that to him. No matter how many times I convinced myself, no matter how many months he left, I remember the past eight years, sitting alone all night in front of the computer, watching so many pictures, so many smiles, all night in front of the computer. From 19 to 27 years old, remembering the night of the turn of the century, we stood in front of the lobby and listened to the bells: for the first time in a crowd, he held my hand in chaos and my heart beat so fast.
At that time, I really believed that we’d get old together, and I was really stupid… ..that there was no change in the world, that there was no end to it, and no one knew it would happen.
It’s not as scary to think of a man who’s getting old, but I’m hurting his parents. I didn’t think it would happen one day.
End
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
