Mental internal friction is very serious, both uncomfortable and delay you to do business, how to do?
Why to say introverted person spirit internal friction is very serious?
Why to say introverted person spirit internal friction is very serious? What is
mental internal friction?
Popularly speaking, that is, their inner two villains in the fight, internal conflict, the heart is very tired. I
used to be an internal waste, so when I saw this question, I recalled the past, searched for information, sorted out, thought and summarized it very carefully. It took me nearly 8 hours to write the complete answer of 5000 words. I hope you can read it slowly and help you.
(The updated part of 8.5 is mainly in 3.1 and 4.1, and a small summary is added)
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First of all, I think that introverts do not necessarily have serious mental friction.
Instead, people with high sensitivity, low self-esteem, high expectations, strict demands on themselves, weak expressive ability and willingness, and dare not fight for, fear of conflict and struggle will have serious mental internal friction!
In short, spiritual internal friction is the result of the conflict between internal emotions and multiple interests. A person with serious
mental internal friction may be an introvert at the same time.
Furthermore, it can be said that introverted and highly sensitive people may have more serious mental internal friction.
So first of all, let’s look at how to correctly understand “introversion.”.
First, what is introversion? How to tell whether you are introverted or extroverted?
A lot of people’s misconception about introversion is that when they see a person with a clumsy mouth, who is not good at expressing himself, or who does not take the initiative to speak, as if he does not like to speak, they conclude that he is an introvert.
Not necessarily. The correct understanding
of introversion is that a person can get more energy from solitude, and we say that he is an introvert. On the contrary, extroversion means that a person can get more energy from all kinds of interpersonal activities.
Specifically, introversion means that no matter whether a person is in a daze, sleeping, watching TV, or reading, studying, writing, or working in a “separate space” when he is alone, as long as he does not need to communicate with others, compromise, or cooperate face to face, he can avoid the eyes of others and the evaluation of the moment. He can gradually recover from physical fatigue and psychological fatigue, gain energy and increase energy value. Let’s say this is a relatively introverted person.
And introversion is not immutable, it is the psychological state of people in a period of time, sometimes people may change from introversion to extroversion, extroverted people may also change to introversion, probably because of some important things or opportunities, or natural state flow. Of course, this kind of transition happens very rarely. Generally speaking, in the personality map, whether you are introverted or extroverted is basically a relatively stable state.
Moreover, it’s not that introverts don’t like to go to parties and events, that they can’t talk in front of people, and that they can’t speak in public.
Relatively speaking, when attending parties, activities and public expressions, he is in a state of consuming energy. After these activities, he will feel that his energy value has decreased, and he needs to recover through rest (solitude).
Therefore, an introvert is generally not able to participate in social activities with high frequency subjectively. He needs to spend more time alone than he does at parties, so that he can ensure that he has enough energy, that he is in a relatively relaxed state of mind, and that he can work and live in a relatively normal, harmonious and relaxed way.
But in reality, many people do not understand the nature of introverts, always think that they are less active in communicating with others and participating in activities, that is, wooden, coy, not generous, defective, incompetent, look down on people.. As a result, from an early age, parents would push their less talkative children to greet their relatives and friends with all kinds of “sweet mouths,” take the initiative to greet them, and put on performances, hoping to train their children to become “normal people” who are positive, sunny, and generous; When introverts grow up, they may also be forced by social, survival and work pressures to participate in some activities, meetings and communication that they do not want to involve, and a little excessive change will easily lead to mental friction.
2. How to understand mental internal friction? What harm does long-term mental internal friction do to people?
Mental internal friction, also known as psychological internal friction, means that people’s self-control needs to consume psychological resources, when psychological resources are insufficient, individuals are in a state of internal friction.
Popularly speaking, when you do not feel tired because of physical fatigue, nor because of the objective fatigue caused by mental work or working overtime all night, but because of “a subjective psychological feeling” that makes you feel very tired, then you are in a state of so-called internal friction.
Long-term internal friction will make people feel very tired.
For example: I often feel tired and stressed, but I don’t do anything objectively. I don’t know what I want, or sometimes I know what I want and have a direction to work hard, but I’m tired before I take any action.
As well as, in dealing with people, interpersonal communication or intimate relationships, when the two sides encounter disagreement or conflict, you tend to suspect the other side’s views on you, ideas on things, can not calmly express their ideas and views, but more choose to sulk, rather than communication and action to resolve conflicts.
These are a kind of consumption and wear of self-psychology. In the long run, it will cause serious mental friction.
Don’t underestimate this subjective loss, it actually has a great impact on our health. On the
small side, mental internal friction will affect people’s self-evaluation, willingness to do things and efficiency, sleep quality, and even make people lose sleep, hesitate to move forward, because of hesitation and lack of self-confidence and poor performance, missed opportunities;
Generally speaking, diseases such as hypertension, coronary heart disease and tumors, although their pathology is more complex, are generally closely related to mental psychology.
Medical psychology research shows that if psychological internal friction exists for a long time and can not be dredged, it will cause depression, depression, trance and even mental disorders, and also lead to a variety of physical and mental disorders. Common diseases such as migraine, hypertension and ischemic heart disease are also closely related to psychological loss.
However, because this loss is a long-term and imperceptible process, it is easy to be ignored by people. It is precisely because of this that some people call psychological attrition the “hidden killer” of people in the modern workplace.
3. What are the causes of “mental friction”? The causes of
mental internal friction are complex, including internal and external reasons, as well as the interaction of internal and external factors. Through personal experience, reflection and data review, the following five most important reasons are obtained: high sensitivity, low self-esteem, Excessive self-focus
Self-esteem is a person’s view of themselves as a whole: how we judge or evaluate ourselves and the value we attach to ourselves as human beings. It is the “bottom line” of a person’s life, and it is very important for a person’s psychological survival. People with high
self-esteem and healthy self-esteem can form a more comprehensive and balanced understanding of themselves. They will not generalize to the conclusion that “I am very bad” because something is not done well and someone does not like themselves. They can see their own value, accept their strengths and weaknesses at the same time, and know very well whether they like their true selves or not. To live a more consistent and relaxed life.
Low self-esteem means that a person’s internal overall evaluation of himself is negative, which is a negative belief and emotion that he does not recognize, accept or identify with himself. No matter how striking and enviable the person’s external achievements are, or whether he himself is an unknown ordinary person. In a word, he is very tired and contradictory. He easily feels that he can’t do anything well because he hasn’t done one or two things well, and he doesn’t accept his shortcomings and shortcomings. He wants to be a perfect and absolutely excellent person, so it’s easy to have self-doubt and self-denial when the reality is not satisfactory.
High sensitivity means that a person’s sensory abilities are too strong (inherited traits, which cannot be changed by the day after tomorrow). He can “see” small changes and fluctuations in people and things around him, and is extremely sensitive to physical, emotional, and social stimuli. If he does not control his sensitivity, a little thing can affect his nerves, excessive thinking, resulting in mental friction.
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When high sensitivity collides with low self-esteem, it is easy for people to have an inferiority complex, and then “excessive self-concern”: they will pay too much attention to other people’s eyes, pay too much attention to other people’s attention to what they do, and pay too much attention to other people’s opinions and evaluations of themselves. I often unconsciously think, “Is my performance not very good just now?” What does he think of me? “Will he think that I am too bad to be a coward and easy to bully?” Will he like me, hate me, step on me, hurt me and hinder me? “And so on. There are conflicts and fights all the time, causing psychological loss.
Because the mind and energy are consumed in internal conflicts and fights, it is difficult for people to focus their time and attention on the original study, work and other important issues, and the negative consequences of the latter will further lead to serious mental internal friction.
Seeing this, you may be confused. This is obviously too much concern for others. How can it be called “excessive self-concern”?
That’s because “caring too much about other people’s opinions” is essentially “excessive self-concern.”.
Because in fact, in the principle of human nature: everyone is most concerned about himself. People don’t care about you that much, and they don’t care about you that much. In fact, the mind that every ordinary person can and will bet on other people is really very limited and very small.
For example, each person has 100 points of attention, so about 5070 points are automatically invested in themselves, 2040 points are invested in family, partners, close friends, only less than 10 points of attention, but also to many “others”.
You can ask yourself, how much do you really think about others? Even if you have an opinion about someone at some point, how long can that opinion last? Do you watch someone’s every move all the time every day, waiting to grade and evaluate him, so as to decide his promotion, salary increase or life and death? How many people can your eyes and opinions really affect?
The answer is no.
So, on the other hand, there are very few “others” who really care about you, and even if they have some opinions about you, they can’t control and influence you in the air.
And you are paying attention to and caring about others all the time, which is really unnecessary and unworthy.
Therefore, the essence of caring too much about others is not what others think of you (that’s not really important), but that you think too much about what others think of you, and the consequences of what others think of you.
However, because of “the care, attention and influence of others in your imagination”, you become timid, fearful and worried, and become a little neurotic, which makes you unable to put more attention and energy on solving real important things, thus delaying your study and work progress, and falling into the whirlpool of serious mental internal friction. Suspicion and jealousy in interpersonal relationships, multiple interests and emotions conflict
with each other, colleagues who entered the company at the same time were promoted, but he did not do as much work as I did, and the project results were not as good as mine, why did the leaders prefer him? I expressed my love
to an ambiguous boy, but he refused me. However, after chatting for several months, I felt that he had a good impression on me. Why? It’s so sad. Does he like me or not? Should I try again? Do
my parents really love me? If you really love me, why can’t you understand that I am working under great pressure, too busy to take care of myself, and I don’t have much money, but I just want to get married and have a blind date, as if all the problems disappear automatically as soon as I get the marriage certificate, how can this be possible! Why does
my wife only care about her own natural and unrestrained, and can’t see the hard work I do housework every day, but always find fault with my cooking? He found fault and quarreled, and then did not eat, I was really hurt, who understands me! I have to bow my head and admit my mistake to coax him to eat, but I’m afraid he’s hungry, so I can’t sleep on the left or the right!
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Above all, let people fight with themselves, causing mental friction. The high-intensity and excessive competition in the involution era, peer pressure and parents’expectation that
we will enter the involution era unconsciously, because the overall resources are so much, but the number of people who come to compete is many times higher, so not everyone can grab it, the poor are no longer easy to turn over, and going to college does not mean a good job. There are many people who are unemployed after graduation and work for three or five years with a monthly salary of less than 8000 yuan, and you are one of them. Classmates and friends who
have been classmates for many years have been promoted, raised and bought a house, but you are still afraid of being dismissed when you are almost 30 years old, and worried about the body that can not adapt to the work intensity of 996.
Not to mention that one day you can get married, you can’t talk about love, and you don’t have time to think about it. After all, when you see Haidian Chicken Baby, you just feel that you don’t deserve it. If you can’t give your child a life that you are willing to walk through, you might as well not take him to birth. You really can’t bear to harm others and yourself. You might as well raise yourself well. Realize a little more possibility in life.
For parents and relatives to expect and urge marriage, sorry, you have no ability, can only stay away from them, temporarily cope with the past. You decide
your own life, and you can only bear the consequences.
That being said, there is still a lot of pressure, which causes mental friction.
When you receive a challenging task or want to learn in a field of interest, the first thing you do is not to familiarize yourself with the responsibilities of the task and the basic knowledge of the field, decompose the challenges and make a phased plan, but to think about it and worry about gains and losses. The time and energy used in the initial start-up are wasted in nervous fantasy and fear, and all kinds of worries result in that they always think they can’t do it and can’t do it well.
Such tossing and turning, looking left and right, fearing the wolf before and the tiger after, not only has no effect on solving the problem, but also will tie their hands and feet, set up obstacles, resulting in procrastination, delay in action, and then mental internal friction.
Mental internal friction will also lead to procrastination in the opposite direction, thus creating a vicious circle and bitter consequences. Individuals have high expectations for things, high standards and strict requirements for themselves. They think too much and act too little
. They are not idle every day, nor do they have much rest, but they have no output and are very distressed.
For example, when you see an article written by someone else, in which the main information is not comprehensive, the viewpoint is not reliable, the example is divorced from reality, the conclusion is not rigorous, and so on, you will blush for the author, thinking that what I write must be better than this, but you have not started writing. Procrastinators are in the
late stage of procrastination, because of their perfectionist tendencies, because of their high expectations, they always think a lot but act little, which will cause serious mental friction in the long run.
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4. How to reduce, improve and get rid of mental friction on oneself? Everyone will be
more or less troubled by mental internal friction, thus affecting work and life, painful, so what can be done to improve their mental internal friction? Targeted 5 methods, I hope to be helpful to you. Overcome low self-esteem, look at others and yourself in a balanced way, and accept that
others are not as happy or unhappy as you think, and that you are not so bad or gifted. No one is perfect, and your goals and expectations should not be perfect and absolutely excellent.
Therefore, revision is extremely important for the understanding of the world, others and oneself, thinking systematically and looking at oneself in a balanced way.
Accept and develop your strengths, but also learn to accept your weaknesses. And, not all the “shortcomings” in the eyes of the public need to be changed. Some shortcomings are actually not in the way of people and things, such as introversion, just accept it, try to avoid the bad things caused by it, and develop its strengths.
In short, we should change our long-term wrong way of thinking, correctly understand ourselves, weaken negative self-evaluation, gradually like ourselves, and form positive self-beliefs.
Of course, it takes a lot of effort to improve your self-esteem, and you need to remind yourself and practice it regularly. (Recommended book Overcoming Low Self-Esteem)
High sensitivity comes from heredity, not something you can change if you want to, but the benefits it brings to people are actually a gift that can be used well. Because of its negative effects, we just need to avoid or suppress it as much as possible in advance. In terms of
environment, highly sensitive people are extremely sensitive to sound, light and their own physical feelings. As long as they don’t sleep well one night, they will be completely useless the next day and can hardly do anything. Even the most energetic 20-year-old can’t stand the occasional all-nighter and insomnia. So, as far as possible to choose a more quiet living environment, do not share with non-sensitive and empathetic people, otherwise at 12 o’clock in the evening, you want to sleep, but the other side is full of energy to turn on the light to stay up late, inevitably bump, you can not sleep, be woken up, that is over. The most important thing is to try to form a regular work and rest, sleep enough, do not stay up late and lack of sleep.
Socially, highly sensitive people often unconsciously care too much about other people’s eyes and evaluations, and it is difficult to refuse and fight back against others. You have to recognize this characteristic of yourself, and then restrain and adjust it subjectively.
When your sensitive nature is consuming your energy by running around on trivial everyday things, be aware of it and immediately remind yourself to stop.
Most of the time, you don’t need to care about other people’s eyes and opinions about you at all. Realize that “everyone cares most about himself” and “few people will pay special attention to you”. There are very few times when you need to care about someone’s opinion. However, paying too much attention to someone’s vision and opinions will not solve the problem, but will cause internal friction and become the resistance to doing things, because solving specific practical things is the most fundamental.
So, what should you do when someone interferes with you?
Please point out in time, “You go in and out, open and close the door loudly, and always knock me when you have something to do, which affects my study. Don’t do it again.” Instead of weighing all kinds of things in your heart, “If I say it, will he think I deserve to be sensitive, make a mountain out of a molehill, make trouble for nothing, be unfriendly, and interfere with me even more?”. Because maybe people don’t know that his behavior interferes with you at all, but as long as you point it out, he knows and changes, and you can concentrate on your study. If he does not change, intentionally interfere with you, then you can not go on like this, either avoid each other, do not study in a space, or fight back to resolve the conflict. In short, don’t just struggle without action. The perception ability, deep processing ability and high empathy of
highly sensitive people can be used to observe and solve specific things and to cultivate their own abilities. For example, highly sensitive people are born to observe people and things more subtly and thoroughly than others, and are better at organizing, thinking and communicating in depth, so wouldn’t it be better to consider writing or analyzing and consulting related work?
In short, accepting your true self, affirming yourself, looking at yourself in a balanced way, gradually improving your sense of self-worth and self-esteem, and making good use of sensitive talents can gradually reduce or even completely get rid of mental friction.
When you hate a person, you might as well find some self-serving reasons, for example, to observe his strengths and see if you can learn, which may be conducive to self-improvement and make you begin to accept him. At the same time, your attitude is likely to get a good response from him, and in the end, your relationship with him may be really harmonious. If the other party is unfriendly and continues to find fault with you, then you should treat him as an air and a fool, and try to cooperate and communicate as well as possible, but do not have any other contacts, so as not to make yourself uncomfortable.
As for the leaders who care too much about other people’s ideas and evaluations, if they have interests, it is better to take their own work achievements, communicate with him openly, ask themselves how far they are from promotion and salary increase, and dare to fight for it; If you are a partner living together, you should dare to express your inner feelings, views on his practices, expectations for him, division of housework and other things, absolutely need your struggle to be reasonable.
Finally, how do you not care too much about other people’s eyes and opinions? To cultivate the “courage to be hated,” it is enough for you to accept yourself. Other people’s expectations, comments, and suggestions are just for reference. Absorb what is useful, and throw away what is too much. In short, don’t care too much. Besides, what he cares about most is himself.
Note that practicing “the courage to be hated” does not mean that you deliberately do things that make others unhappy and attract the negative energy of being hated. It means that if this is what I want to do, then I will do it bravely, instead of flinching and hesitating because I am too concerned about the eyes of society and others and the possible bad evaluation. Find your own passion for work, open up your own path, and try not to participate in excessive competition
. You should realize that the pursuit of the public is not necessarily the true pursuit of your heart. If you can’t reach the superior school and job in the eyes of the public after working hard, you might as well see where your passion is. Only the real joy is your own. It is also a kind of happiness to earn
only a salary that can support oneself, but to enjoy every day’s work without anxiety.
In a word, to find your own work passion, to open up a road of your own, to take a walk, to have a good sleep, and to do well in today’s work, that is a good life.
As for your parents complaining about why you are not married?
Let them shut up. “This is my own life issue. Please stop pointing fingers, because you can’t be responsible for my life. Only I can be responsible for myself.” Stay away
from your parents, filial piety, but please don’t blindly “obey”, live independently, “be responsible for yourself”, you have to be consistent in words and deeds.
And, don’t compare with others (less), stay away from peer pressure, work a little bit every day, and strive to be better than yesterday. What you think of yourself is the most important thing.
Of course, as a social animal, people can not absolutely not care about other people’s opinions and evaluations, do not participate in competition, survival problems have to be solved, social needs also exist objectively, so this problem can not be solved in a short time, get along well with them, and adjust themselves from time to time. Don’t be obsessed with the results, pay more attention to the process, and set small goals for positive action
. Psychologically speaking, when a person is faced with a challenging task, you will fantasize about the beautiful picture when the task is completed, which is a little motivation for you to achieve the task. However, when you are too limited to the task completion picture and obsessed with the results, it is the biggest obstacle for you to start action.
So, after a few minutes of imagining a rosy picture of the completion of the task, immediately bring your mind back to the task process. In the face of challenging tasks, because of the complexity of the practice process, people will have tremendous pressure, it is difficult to act immediately, and the initial action is very weak. We also have the experience that once things are put off to the end, we can often concentrate on the task, although at this time we may not have enough time and can not do well, but before that, we can not “move” and waste a lot of time and energy. Psychologists believe that people can only concentrate on completing the goal when they are close to the deadline, which is called the “deadline effect”.
Therefore, when you want to complete a task more efficiently and with high quality, you might as well break down the task into small goals (how small? Small and small. It means that each step below only needs you to carry out, and you don’t need to think about “how to do it”. In this way, the “deadline” of each stage of small goals will be advanced, and the initial motivation of our actions will be enhanced, so as to urge us to take positive actions to achieve one small goal after another, thereby improving psychological exhaustion. After making a decision, just focus on “doing”; action is the best way
to improve mental internal friction. Giving up thinking is not an option, and avoiding facing is not the real way to solve the problem. When
faced with a major life decision or a challenging task, it’s good to keep your expectations high and be strict with yourself, but when you have made a rational choice and action steps after careful consideration, don’t think about anything else, just focus on “doing”.
Action is always the best way to improve mental internal friction and a good medicine to relieve anxiety.
As the saying goes, think before you act. In fact, what is more important than “thinking” is the “action” after thinking. It is better to roll up your sleeves and work harder than to think before and after, eat tasteless and sleep hard, because only action can harvest one after another solid results.
And the more panic, the more fear, the more procrastination, the more the whirlpool of mental internal friction.
So, let’s do it.
5. To sum up
, mental internal friction is divided into purely subjective “self-internal friction” between people and emotions, which may be the root cause of most people’s serious mental internal friction. On the basis of people, mixing things, problems, procrastination, avoidance, and so on, is the internal friction of people, themselves, emotions, and things.
As an introverted and highly sensitive person, I believe that understanding and solving the former is the core and most important, and that we are more capable and likely to solve it, with the highest rate of return. On this basis, self-harmony, positive emotions, then to solve specific problems and difficulties, it will be easier, then you will not be far from getting rid of mental friction.
In short, people in the spirit of internal friction is very hard, internal conflict, their own fight with themselves, all the injuries are their own, but the delay is business, think about it is uncomfortable.
Therefore, I hope that the above answers can help you recognize yourself, improve mental internal friction, get out of mental internal friction, have a more harmonious and self-consistent inner world, and have a happier personal life.
Author: Xiong Qixi
