Song
of Everlasting Regret: I still remember that the empress was too weak to give birth to a child when
she was in love with Thrushcross. The emperor asked me to raise the child for her.
He said, “I promise you a lifetime of glory. I can make you queen if you give her the child.”
I knelt in front of the Hall of Mental Cultivation for a whole night, begging him bitterly.
But he still took my baby.
Time flies, and I finally died of the queen.
But a sword fell on my neck. The person I cherish most in
this world, the flesh and blood of my heart for twenty years.
He pointed his sword at me and looked at me as if I were an enemy.
He said, “I will kill you to avenge my mother.” The first night
I entered the palace, the emperor favored me.
He held me in his arms, and his fingers swept between my eyebrows, sliding across his face, his eyes burning.
His deep but bright eyes against the candlelight, intoxicated into my face, as if to appreciate a very precious treasure.
Finally, before closing his eyes and falling asleep, he murmured, “Very good.”
I am spoilt.
This is an honor that I haven’t been able to get in the past few years.
The emperor has not stepped into the harem for ten years and six months.
For ten years, he slept in the Queen’s Palace every night.
Everyone knows that the empress is beautiful, but the other beauties in the harem are not unsightly.
But somehow, the emperor’s heart is only on her.
The ministers changed their ways to send their daughters and beauties to the harem, but he was indifferent. Before
entering the palace, Niang gave me her heirloom jade pendant.
She said, “Our emperor is a good emperor, but …” Will he spoil you?
He will. When I got up
this morning, he pushed me down and said there was no need to pay homage to the queen in a hurry.
Cowardly, I bowed my head and endured the faint numbness in my legs. “This is disrespectful to the empress,” I asked in a low voice.
He was a little surprised, probably not thinking that a little girl of my age would think so much.
He hooked my chin, kissed me, and wantonly rubbed my still baby fat cheeks.
Xiao Rong is good, don’t be afraid, she.. I won’t blame you.
Speaking of the queen, he quickly lowered his eyes. Even so, I caught the guilt in his eyes.
Thinking of me last night, there was some irritability in his eyes, but not to me, but more self-reproach.
I could see that he was very sad.
At that moment, I felt vaguely that maybe he. You don’t like me.
Just because he looks at me like I’m a treasure doesn’t mean he likes me.
The bad thing is that I like him.
Because he is really gentle.
Like a brother, a big brother who puts you on his knee and dotes on you.
He would come here every morning and come to my bedroom, and sometimes when I was still asleep, he would smile and pinch the tip of my nose.
“Little Rong, little pig, can’t you afford it?”
I was pretending to be asleep, and I bit his hand with a mouthful, really.
He had some pain and was startled, so he squinted his eyes and scratched my stomach and armpit.
Until I laughed and cried and cried for mercy.
Then he took me on his knees, like a child, and took the handkerchief handed by the slaves himself. Wipe
my cheeks, wipe my little hands.
He could not help but say, “Our little face is really beautiful.”
Many people say that he loves me like a princess.
Most of the time, people in the palace have the illusion that I am his child.
Not a nobleman in the palace, a woman.
In fact, if not, those nights he brought me overbearing and blushing.
I will probably feel like a child in front of him and be spoiled as a child.
But at night, he treats me like a woman. Sometimes
he pinches my waist and sighs at certain scenes: “What did Xiao Rong eat when she was a child?”
I was too ashamed to answer, so he chuckled in my ear and took me in his arms again.
Every day until dawn.
The emperor sleeps in my palace every night, and he is the only one.
In other Dynasties, the books of civil officials would be broken.
But I am different, hearing that I can get nectar every night, the courtiers are happy to rejoice. I
even sent my own wives to send me the treasures at the bottom of the box at home.
Among them, there are many medicinal herbs, most of which are medicines for women to nourish, conceive and protect the fetus.
I took them one by one and blushed when they stared at me. Each of
them likes to stare at me for a long time, and then exaggerate my appearance.
Compare me to a woman.
I said I didn’t deserve it.
The general’s wife said she was right.
“Even the most beautiful empress in the capital in those days was not as beautiful as you!” As soon as
this remark was made, there was a sudden silence in the hall. In
a trance, I just saw the bright yellow that just stepped into the threshold. The father-in-law
beside him wanted to inform him, but when he heard that sentence, his mouth was open and he could not say a word.
He got angry.
The sullen complexion was hidden in the gloom of the backlight, and the look could not be recognized.
He just stood there for a long time without saying a word, then turned around and walked away.
As soon as he stepped out of the temple, he quickened his pace so fast that the people behind him could not keep up with him.
Shortly afterwards, someone came to say, “Noble, the emperor has gone to the Fengqi Palace.”
Since then, he has not come again. As usual,
he stayed at Fengqi Palace every night.
Once out of favor, a building collapses.
From the scenery of a crowded city to the cold of an empty house.
Let the women in the harem who have been out of favor and jealous for a long time find some joy in the lonely palace.
They came to see me one by one, as if they were looking at something new and soon decadent. Their
eyes are different, but when they see my appearance, they all have the same hatred and resentment.
“Did you seduce the emperor with this foxy look?”
Wang Meiren hooked my chin and wished she could kill me.
My spoiling is a disgrace to those women who have never been spoiled.
Deadly humiliation.
This means that for the man they want to please. None of
them can compare with me from head to toe.
And this is where jealousy and hatred between women grow.
They can’t figure out what they are not as good as me.
Is it a lovely face?
“Come and scratch her face.”
Wang Meiren called out, and two old Mammy with long nails came forward.
You can’t do this to me. The emperor will still look for me! Aren’t you afraid of.. Before
I had finished speaking, they laughed as if they had heard the biggest joke in the world.
“You really don’t understand our emperor. He only has the queen in his heart. Do you know that?”
“The empress has an appearance that is beyond the reach of heaven and man, and the talent and resourcefulness of Zhang Zifang, the prime minister of the Han Dynasty. She and Your Majesty were childhood sweethearts.”
“She and her first assistant father supported your majesty from a humble little prince to become your majesty.” What a place
she is in the heart of the emperor! Do you know how much the emperor loves her?! You can’t understand it, and you won’t understand it! No one has ever mentioned
these things to me.
My father’s official position was not high, and I was fourteen years older than emperor.
This kind of thing, except the people in the palace and the children of those big families, no one will know at all.
Then why.. Why does he spoil me?
I couldn’t accept it. I sat in the middle of the hall, my heart was like a knife. In
those dreamlike nights, he held me in his arms and called me “Xiao Rong”.
Have become a bubble in the sun, gradually can not see, can not touch, and then turned into their ridicule of me.
They’re laughing so loud.
The treacherous laughter wrapped me up and made me feel cold and afraid.
I curled up and hugged my shoulders, shivering, getting smaller and smaller in their laughter.
Wang Meiren laughed enough, crouched down and whispered to me.
“Because you look like an empress, because you look like an empress in those days. Why else?”
“Oh, by the way, maybe you don’t know why you got the title of Rong.”
“Because in the name of the empress, there is a word” Rong “. Do you understand?”.
Rong.
Xiao Rong?
So every time he holds me in his arms, looks at me like that, loves me like that, and calls me like that. It’s
just that I’m her shadow.
But why?
Why, why..! Isn’t
she still alive! What is the need for
my existence? Why. Play with me like a plaything. Is it
fun?
Wang Meiren’s mocking face paused for a moment, looking at me with tears streaming down my face, and there was a moment of heartache in her eyes.
She looked at me for a long time, put away the smile in her eyes, took out her handkerchief, and wiped the tears off my face.
As he wiped, he said, “Get up, fool, it’s cold on the ground.”
She was going to scratch my face just now, and suddenly she was so gentle that I couldn’t believe it. But
she smiled with relief, and with loneliness in her eyes, she turned around and said to the sisters who could no longer laugh.
“But what is the difference between her and us?” The women in the
distance lowered their heads one by one, and the fundus of their eyes was the same loneliness and emptiness. As the
sun sets, the evening bell rings in the peak of the building.
They looked back at the sunset, narrowed their eyes, and covered their tears with thick eyelashes. As soon as
they left, a message came from Fengqi Palace saying that the queen wanted to see me.
I didn’t want to see her.
Because I’m afraid.
I was really afraid to see her exactly like me.
That means they’re right.
Your Majesty, he just treated me as another queen, a young queen. What
he recalled from me was just the temperature of another person.
But I went anyway.
The picture is also different from what I thought.
Fengqi Palace looks very desolate.
Yes, “barren”.
This word should not be used to describe the residence of the head of the harem, even if it is not brilliant, it should not be so cold. It’s
even colder than my bedroom after I fell out of favor. Mammy, who was
leading the way, saw me gazing from side to side and explained
, “The empress has dismissed all the palace servants who serve her, leaving only me.”
“Why?”
I don’t understand. Ask directly.
Mammy did not speak, but smiled shallowly and motioned me to go forward.
The queen’s bedroom was very big, and when I arrived, she was lying in bed.
The veil fell, covering her figure in a fog of yellow and snow-white.
Even so, I saw her. She was very thin.
To be exact, they are all too thin to look like human beings.
She wanted to say hello to me, but when she opened her mouth, she coughed uncontrollably for a long time.
Until the smell of blood filled the air.
The blood frightened me so much that I knelt down under the curtain of beads and knelt down in the mouth of the man.
Beautiful and gorgeous, the empress who is virtuous and equal to heaven.
Her mother worshipped her and said that there was no one better than her in the world.
“When you go to the palace, you must honor her.” Before
entering the palace, even my mother told me so.
The queen is fifteen years older than me, about the same age as my mother.
So my mother asked me to serve her as an elder, the words she told me before entering the palace.
She also said, “Never, never try to compete with the queen for favor, never.”
“My concubine, Gu Ningshu, has paid her respects to the empress.”
I put my forehead on the ground, felt the coolness of the ground, and visited her with great reverence.
She was still coughing for a long time before she gasped and said, “Get up.”
Mammy served inside for a long time, and then quietly pulled back the curtain.
I didn’t know.
I just heard a distant voice coming closer.
Over my head and said, “Like..” It really looks like. Is
she saying I look like her? Unable to endure my curiosity,
I raised my head and looked at a pair of shrewd but weak eyes.
She looked at me in a complicated way, but when I saw her, she took away all the feelings in her eyes. She
covered her eyes to prevent me from looking at her.
She is so thin that she has lost her appearance, but I can still see that we are alike.
Really like, like the same person.
Were it not for the sharp chin and the slightly sunken cheeks, which are too thin, we would be the same person.
“They didn’t embarrass you, did they?” After a long silence, she suddenly asked me.
So she wanted to see me because she heard about it? I felt a dull pain in my
heart. I couldn’t hear what she said. I only answered vaguely, “No.”
“Don’t be sad, Ning Shu. The emperor will come to find you. Tonight, I’ll let him look over your sign.”
When I looked up, she was already hidden in the curtain and could not see her face.
I really don’t understand what kind of flavor is hidden in her words.
She was trying to tell me that everything I got was because of her.
Want to tell me, I want the emperor, she a word, can let me get the emperor? Is
she trying to say that no matter what she becomes, no one can replace her!
I clenched my fists and felt a surge of anger in my head and chest, but I couldn’t. In
a trance, I heard a light laugh from inside, which was proud, indifferent and ridiculed.
“Go back.” As soon as
she gave the order, Mammy came and helped me out. As I
was walking out of the door, I heard her coughing again, and she said, “Ning Shu, be good.”
That night, the emperor came.
But he did not embrace me gently as before, and called me Xiao Rong in a greasy voice.
He stormed into the temple, grabbed me and slapped me.
A loud slap in the face.
Even my spirit was about to be knocked out, and I fell beside him dizzy. I
felt a sharp pain on my face, burning, and after a long time, my eyes were blurred.
He gasped in place because of his anger, and the dragon was so angry that no one dared to help him.
He looked at me, stepped forward, grabbed me by the collar, and warned me,
“You can’t compete with her, and don’t dream of competing with her!” The
sinister warning made me feel cold from my heart to my spine. After the
warning, he threw me aside. It
was not until he was far away that the palace people quietly came forward to help him. Grandfather
Huang, who was beside him, could not bear to come up and tell me.
“Little Lord, the Fengqi Palace, where the empress lives, is not allowed to enter without your Majesty’s permission. Don’t go there in the future.”
I was confused, my vision was still blurred, and I couldn’t see anything clearly.
“It was the empress who summoned me..” Grandfather
Huang doesn’t believe it.
“The empress is sick in bed and can’t say anything, so how can she summon you?”
“You shouldn’t touch the emperor’s scales even if you are in favor for a while.”
What kind of words are these?
Do they think I took the initiative to provoke the queen?!
I didn’t want to say, “As you can see, it was Mammy from the Queen’s Palace who came to see me.” The
palace people stepped back in fear.
“What Mammy? There is no one over forty to serve the empress in her palace. Young master, you are confused.”
…… I was blindsided.
This is the queen’s plot, seemingly insignificant, but in fact very deadly.
She wants the emperor to detest me, to make me fall from grace!
She wants me. She wants everyone to know.
In this palace, she is the only one who can get him.
And as she planned. After
that day, the emperor was disgusted with me.
He even locked me in the palace and forbade me to go out.
The exact words were, “Don’t let her run into the queen again.”
Seeing that I was completely disgusted by the emperor, it was impossible for me to regain my favor.
The Ministry of Internal Affairs began to withhold money from me in every way.
First, I transferred all the capable people in my palace.
In return, the people are old, weak, sick, deaf and dumb, unable to work. It doesn’t matter if you
withhold your salary, but you don’t even give him food.
Just give us some rotten food and ask us to cook it ourselves. The only people who can work
around me are a girl and a Mammy I brought from home.
They looked at me carefully all day long, for fear that I would go to the dead end.
I lay in bed all day, sick like the queen I saw that day.
It’s just that I’m different from her.
She is loved and taken care of.
Seemingly desolate, everything you want.
And I, even the piece of spring given by the emperor, is also false.
He never.. Don’t love me. What
he looks for in me is always the shadow of another person.
I am his Xiao Rong.
It’s Xiao Rong, not Gu Ningshu.
He doesn’t even remember my name, I thought.
Thinking, I smiled, tears ran down my cheeks, I reached out and wiped them, but suddenly I wanted to vomit.
Then he kept lying on the edge of the bed and retching.
This sudden symptom frightened Mammy Lin.
She ran out to report it, but was driven back by the gatekeeper.
She remembered that she was in such a mess that she suddenly thought of something and grabbed the girl beside her and asked.
“Chunhua, when was the last time the young master sent a letter?”
“Huh?”? I I don’t know.. “It seems like two or three months,
” Chunhua recalled in a flurry. Surprised and delighted
, Mammy went to the kitchen and gouged out a small piece of lard.
Before I could get close, I smelled the disgusting smell and began to retch again. “Yes, yes,”
cried Mammy happily! We don’t have a herbalist in our hometown, and if we want to make sure we’re pregnant, we cut out a piece of lard. Pregnant women can’t smell this raw lard!
Chunhua Surprise: Pregnant woman?! You mean our master is having a wedding?!
I should have melted like this.
Like the other beauties in the palace, she slowly aged and lived a lonely life.
Or just go crazy, tear it up, and be tortured.
But even the queen didn’t think I could come back from the dead.
I’m pregnant. A little over
three months. When I
heard the Imperial Physician say that the fetus was fine, I couldn’t help Amitabha.
He stroked his slightly bulging abdomen and prayed, but fortunately he didn’t hurt him. When
the emperor heard that I was pregnant, he didn’t even go to court.
Dressed in bright yellow court clothes, he came to my bedroom.
This is his first child.
He didn’t seem to believe that he would have children in his life.
Surprised and happy, with a twinkle of excitement in his eyes, he took my hand.
Really? Got it?
I don’t talk. The doctor
next to him reported happily.
“Congratulations to the emperor! Congratulations to the emperor! Lord Yung has been pregnant for three months, and everything is fine.”
It’s just.. Yung Hsiao-chu’s health is too poor. If things go on like this, it will be bad for the fetus.
The emperor held my palm trembling excitedly and immediately waved his sleeves.
“Somebody!”! At my behest, I conferred the title of Zhaoyi on the noble and moved him to the Qixiang Palace.
Qi Xiang.
What a great name.
Does it mean that I can live a good life from now on?
I don’t know.
It’s just that right now, I want to pull back the hand he’s holding. The slap he slapped
that day was still a dull pain at the moment he saw him.
And my heart, more pain.
See him, see his handsome face, the smile on his lips, the light of joy in his eyes.
I can’t help but think of the moments we shared together.
So sweet and happy.
He always holds me in his arms and spoils me like a child.
But also in a twinkling of an eye, I was regarded as worthless, said to fight, said to throw away.
The queen is sacrosanct in his heart.
And my grass is just a grass.
If it wasn’t for this child..
I could die here.
“Yung Yung, you are suffering.”
He reached out and touched my cheek with tenderness.
Once upon a time, I would indulge in this tenderness, like lying in a cloud, rolling like a kitten.
Lazy, just want to rely on him, as if as long as there is him, the sky is clear.
But now, feeling the rub of his finger pulp, smelling the familiar ambergris on his cuff, he asked.
I can’t stop gagging.
He did not dislike me, patted me on the back and gave me tea to drink. “Your Majesty, leave here,”
I said coldly. “I can’t smell you.” As soon as
the words came out, there was silence all around. No
one has ever dared to speak like this to the emperor of 95, the king of a country.
If anyone said that, he would die here on the spot.
But I know he can’t kill me. Not
now. Out of the corner of my eye,
I saw the light in his eyes move slightly.
Look lonely.
He did not sulk, nor did he blame me.
Instead, he covered me with the quilt and said, “Well, you have a good rest, and I will make them give you the best of everything.” He did what he
said.
For no other reason than that I have his child in my womb, the only child.
He doesn’t even care if it’s a prince or a princess.
Because he wants to have a baby so badly.
He ordered people to renovate my new Qixiang Palace, which was resplendent in gold and jade.
It’s no worse than Fengqi Palace. Any good things from the
Ministry of Internal Affairs will be sent to me first.
In the past, the stewards of the Ministry of Internal Affairs who had withheld my silver were all arrested and tortured in the dungeon.
Even the people who served and cared for him were all from the emperor’s side.
They are all good players that he personally selected and trusted one by one.
Overnight, I was in love again. It
restores the scene when he first entered the palace and was favored. It is crowded with
people and heavy traffic.
Come and go without a white man, is not a grade of life, is the princess. The lady who said
last time that I was prettier than queen said again at the table.
“The future of Empress Zhaoyi is limitless. Even if she can’t be empress, she can certainly be empress Dowager!”. As soon as
the voice fell, the emperor came in from the outside. He
just didn’t get as angry as he did last time.
I can’t help but feel that this woman is really trying to kill me. Only after
inquiring did I know that she was really a good friend of the queen in the boudoir.
These words, she is picking up when the emperor is approaching, deliberately said. Just
so he can hear.
“Rong Rong, you have been wronged.”
At night, the emperor pinched his feet for me, and his eyes were full of guilt.
I don’t talk.
He sighed, took my little feet in the palm of his hand, leaned close to me, and looked into my eyes.
“Still blaming me, eh?”
I lowered my eyes and said, “I dare not.”
He also lowered his eyes, silent for a long time, and said lightly.
“There are some things I have to express an attitude. You don’t understand, but I won’t let you suffer these grievances in vain.”
“With this child, I will protect your glory forever.”
He stopped pretending, too.
Don’t pretend to love me, and concentrate on this child.
I actually have a little bit of luck, at least, he will love this child.
This is his flesh and blood.
That means that with this child, I will have more and more power. Will not
be so easily framed, easily trampled as mud, right?
As it turned out, I was still too naive.
As long as the queen is alive, as long as the queen is still the queen.
I won’t have a good life. When
I was five months pregnant, the queen asked me to sit in her palace. Both Mammy
Lin and Chunhua stopped me.
Chunhua is even more interesting. She cries and says, “The empress forgot how she fell out of favor last time.”
I pushed her hand away and said, “It doesn’t matter.” I was taken in by her
last time.
Now, I already know what she is. I
don’t know what she wants to do, but I know she doesn’t dare to do anything.
I wish she would harm me and the emperor’s children in Fengqi Palace.
In that case, she will come to an end.
As it turned out, the queen was not so reckless.
She’s so smart. Instead
of seeing me, she asked me to wait in the side hall.
Wait, wait. She’s not here. The emperor is coming. The door of the
side hall is closed, and the emperor doesn’t know I’m here.
I looked through the wooden window at the door of the shop and saw that as soon as he came in, he took her hand and put it on his lips to warm her. He did
the same thing to me.
From a distance, it was as if he and I were at that time.
But the queen is too haggard.
She’s not as young as me, and she can’t smile like me.
She had a sickly look on her face and kept coughing. I can’t
say anything.
The emperor took her up the steps, comforted her on the couch, and gave her medicine.
She frowned slightly and looked at me emptily.
“Your Majesty, I’m afraid my days are numbered.”
The emperor frowned. “Don’t say that. You’ll be all right.”
She burst into tears.
“It’s not enough for me to die. It’s just that I’m not filial. I can’t give birth to an heir for the emperor and continue the incense for the royal family.” When you
go underground, how can you explain to your ancestors? The late emperor and his mother will never forgive me. They will never forgive me. As she
spoke, she cried even more painfully, coughing, pitiful and fragile. “Don’t say that, Yung’er. You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine..” the
emperor took her in his arms.
His eyes were red.
In front of her eyes, he was like a teenager.
There is no disguise as an emperor, no deliberate interpretation of the calm and gentle. It’s
totally him, a real him.
A teenager who’s afraid of losing someone he loves.
He hugged her tightly and continued to comfort her: “You will have a child. Rong Zhaoyi is pregnant. She looks so much like you. Her child must look like you, too.”
“When the baby is born, I’ll order someone to bring it to you and let it be our child, okay?” There was a touch of cunning in the
queen’s tearful eyes, and Yaoyao looked at me. As
if swaggering, he asked pitifully, “So..” Won’t my sister be sad? Not good, is it? “There’s nothing wrong with that,” said
the emperor. “I let her go to the palace because I wanted her to give you a healthy child. In this way, you will have no regrets.”
Although the truth has long been known.
But when he said it himself and heard it with his own ears, there was still a piercing pain in his heart.
Originally let her into the palace, is to give you a healthy child.
So that’s it.
So that’s it!
No wonder, no wonder he favored me as soon as I entered the palace.
Give me such tenderness.
Just coaxing me to give birth to a child for his beloved queen?
Ha.
Tears blurred my vision, and my heart ached so much that I wanted to vomit and took two steps back.
He accidentally stepped on his skirt and fell to the ground.
Mammy and the ladies exclaimed and came up to help me.
The emperor heard the noise at this end and came to see me sitting on the ground, nervously pushing aside the crowd. He put his
arms around me and said in surprise, “Ning Shu!”
He called me Ning Shu.
Ha.
He didn’t even dare to call me Xiao Rong in front of the queen.
Because he was afraid that the queen would be upset if she knew.
Unexpectedly, because of this, my name was called out by him.
I smiled bitterly and looked at him with tears in my eyes. “So you know my name, Your Majesty.”
The emperor sent an imperial physician to give me first aid. When I
woke up, I was still in Fengqi Palace. When I
opened my eyes and saw the phoenix embroidered on the quilt cover, I was disgusted and got up to go.
“Let me go, I want to get out of here..”
The emperor held me down and scolded me. “Don’t move,” he said. “Take a rest for a while before you go. The Imperial Physician has said that there is something wrong with the fetus. Don’t make a scene.” Crying and laughing,
I looked at him and said, “Am I making trouble?”? Why doesn’t the emperor ask me why I’m here?
You don’t have to think about it. It’s the queen’s invitation.
He also asked me to watch in the side hall.
He Xiao Yu must know!
But he pretended not to know. He just lowered his eyes and said, “Have a good rest. The child is the most important thing.”
His words, colder than wind in Fengqi Palace, once again penetrated my broken heart.
Yeah, kids are important. What am
I? I’m just a tool that exists for this child!
I won’t let him bully me again.
I won’t make the queen laugh again!
No one can take my baby!
I went crazy and insisted on getting out of bed and running out, regardless of anyone’s obstruction.
“Let me go, let me go!”
I cried and wanted to rush out, but no one dared to stop me for fear of hurting the child.
Only Xiao Yu came up and hugged me tightly from behind. His chest was so broad that it was just an arm.
He hugged my shoulders tightly and held them in his arms.
He held me in his arms and leaned his face against my temples. “Be good, be good,” he said. “Only then can I love you. Be good, okay?”
I looked back at the queen.
She was laughing, laughing as if she were watching a joke, a farce.
She’s laughing at me.
I can’t help thinking of the last words she said to me when I first met her. “Be good, Ning Shu,”
she said.
They. From beginning to end, treat me as a fool to coax!
From the beginning to the end, they regarded me as their belongings.
The only function is to be obedient and give birth to a child!
14
They did not let me escape. Sent
me back to the Qixiang Palace. When I
saw the word “Qi Xiang”, I suddenly had a headache.
I think those two words are more like a kind of irony.
I’m still fantasizing about the good times I can have after having this baby.
It turned out to be a delusion.
My identity has never changed.
I am a bird, imprisoned by them in a cage, at their mercy.
But I’m not convinced!
“Empress, take a bite. The child is innocent.” Mammy
Lin advised me to eat.
I haven’t eaten properly for three days.
She wiped away her tears and said, “What did the child do wrong?” After all,
I couldn’t help but hide my face and cry.
Yeah, what’s wrong with children.
He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s my incompetence, it’s my mother’s incompetence!
I grabbed the porridge from Mammy Lin’s hand and ate it all. The
food went down the throat and filled the hunger.
But my heart, my people, all the time, are in a deep cold pain.
Every breath, it hurts.
But no matter how sad I am, what should come will come.
It was October, the autumn leaves were withered, and the wind was biting.
I was walking in the Imperial Garden and my water broke. The
palace people carried me to the Fengqi Palace nearby.
I wanted to run away like crazy, but I was held down by the palace people.
They tied my hands and feet and called my wife to deliver my baby.
The queen stood outside the curtain and looked at me with a smile. “Come on, Ning Shu!”
I roared and howled in pain and looked at her with resentment.
She just laughed, as if she were watching a barking puppy.
After two hours of pain and suffering, I gave birth to the baby.
Steady mother-in-law shouted happily: “Congratulations to the empress, it’s a prince!”! White and fat! Very much like the emperor! Before the
coma, I faintly heard the baby’s cry and reached out to catch it.
And was pushed away.
The queen hugged the swaddling clothes and smiled contentedly. “Thanks for your hard work, Ning Shu,” he said
to me.
16
Woke up three days later.
I went back to the Qixiang Palace.
As soon as I opened my eyes, all the palace people fell to their knees and bowed their heads to me.
“The maidservants congratulate the imperial concubine!” With a cautious expression, Mammy
Lin stepped forward to help me and whispered, “Empress, when you were sleeping, Your Majesty came and made you an imperial concubine and gave you a new title.”
「…… Ning. Mam
my Lin was very embarrassed and was very careful to say the word “Ning.”. Watch my face
secretly.
Ning.
Don’t you just want me to be good?
Presumably, this is also the queen’s idea.
She wants to use this word, which disgusts me forever.
Even if she dies, this nausea will stay with me forever.
Hearing that I woke up, Xiao Yu once again broke up early in the morning and came to see me. Someone
outside told the emperor to come.
I didn’t get up, I didn’t ask, I pretended I didn’t see anything.
Just looking out of the window at the withered tree, tears fell undetected.
He felt uncomfortable and reached out to wipe it for me, but I dodged it.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Xiao Rong..”
He was very sad. He looked like he really felt sorry for me.
I look ridiculous. Why does
Your Majesty still call me Xiao Rong? Shouldn’t you call me Ning? That is the title you have given me.
His eyes twinkled.
As I expected, he didn’t give it to me.
It’s the queen. The queen is humiliating me. My eyes burned red with
hatred, and I pushed him out with resentment and pushed him away.
He hugged me with his backhand and his voice trembled.
“Xiao Rong, don’t blame me, okay?”
At that moment, I knew that the emperor did not love me.
He feels guilty about me.
He has no feelings for me at all.
That means I’m not desperate. The
winter month is coming, and I am also out of confinement.
The Imperial Physician wouldn’t let me run around, but I refused to stay in the Qixiang Palace.
That place, as if there were ten thousand needles pricking me, gave me a headache, heartache, and pain all over my body.
I ran to the Imperial Garden and stood by the lake, looking at the Fengqi Palace across the lake.
I wonder if I can see anyone or anything related to my child from here.
I miss him. I don’t even know what he looks like.
The lake is not completely frozen, but the cold is seeping.
As if I could not feel it, I just wanted to see it clearly, so I took two more steps forward.
As a result, when I took the second step, a white and slender hand suddenly stretched out behind me and strangled my wrist.
I looked back at a handsome but cold face.
Never seen it before.
I was so frightened that I hurried to withdraw my hand, but he grabbed me.
He stared at me with a bottomless coldness in his deep eyes.
“If you lose something, take it back, not kill yourself.”
Then he squeezed my wrist again.
I hissed in pain. Only then did
his tight brows ease.
“If you know the pain, you can be saved.”
“Remember the pain.” With
that, he passed me by as if nothing had happened and walked away alone.
I looked around in shock. It was a harem, yes!
So how did he, a foreign man, get in?!
Not far away, Mammy Lin happened to be running back and forth with her cloak, and when she met the man, she said hello.
I quickly grabbed Mammy Lin and asked, “Do you know him?” Mammy
Lin nodded.
“Yes, this is Shen Mei-mei’s elder brother, Shen Chang-qing, the emperor’s companion.”
“I grew up with the emperor and had a very good relationship with him. I often came to the harem to play chess and paint with the emperor, and I became an assistant minister of the Ministry of Civil Affairs.” As
she spoke, Mammy Lin sighed, “There aren’t many people who can be an assistant minister at such a young age.”
Her words reminded me. On the
18th
night, Xiao Yu came to me. He’s been coming to me every day since he
gave birth. Do nothing but accompany me
far away.
Until I fell asleep, he would come to the bedside to see me and tuck me in.
It’s like he’s never been heartless. Like
having a conscience again.
On this day, instead of being cold, I offered him a cup of tea.
He was flattered and surprised to see me, and also disturbed my wish to see my red and swollen eyes. Surprised,
he hugged me and rubbed the corners of my eyes with heartache. What’s
the matter? Cry? Who bullied you?
I moved away from his arms and pulled my hand away.
“No.”
At this time, according to what I taught her, Chunhua girl came forward and knelt down with a splash.
“Your Majesty doesn’t know,” he cried. “The people in this palace don’t like our master.”
“It is said that the empress was born into a family of great names, and that she was an aristocrat, while our master’s father was only a minor official of the seventh rank.”
“I don’t even have a name. The daughter of this kind of person can still be an imperial concubine!” “Chunhua, don’t talk nonsense!”
I shouted.
I have never been a troublemaker, nor have I ever disguised myself in front of him.
In the eyes of Xiao Yu, I am a submissive child. That’s probably why
he feels guilty about me.
It was in this way that he did not doubt Chunhua’s words and frowned. After
thinking for a moment, he said, “I was negligent.”
That night, I still didn’t let him touch me.
He was also respectful and did not force anything on me.
Just tuck me in as usual and promise me, “I said I would promise you, and I will do it.”
The next day, news came from the former court that Dad had been promoted.
From the previous seven grades, he was directly promoted to Yushitai, which is the fourth grade of Yushi Zhongcheng.
My mother was also mercifully allowed to see me in the palace because I had just given birth.
The mother said cheerfully,
“Don’t look at the fourth grade, it doesn’t seem to be that big, but whether it’s a general or a chief assistant, you have to be afraid of it!”
I know.
Because the governor of Yushitai filed a complaint.
Whether you are the general or the first assistant, as long as you are accused by Yushitai and play to the emperor, you may be checked.
Throughout the ages, how many powerful ministers, the final fall of that, are from the Yushitai memorial.
I did not expect that Xiao Yu would directly give Dad such a position.
In this way, what I want to do is much easier to do.
I told my mother to go back and tell my father to find a way to get to know Shen Changqing, the assistant minister of the Ministry of Personnel.
My intuition tells me that he is not for the queen, nor for the first assistant Zhou family. In
his heart, he has the same pain as me. When
my father was promoted, I was busy making friends with princesses, princesses and ladies in the capital.
With something to do, the whole person has a lot of spirit.
In a twinkling of an eye, it has been two years. The flowers in the
Imperial Garden are blooming again, and Chunhua encourages me to go shopping in the Imperial Garden with them.
I also remember that I haven’t been to Imperial Garden for a long time since last time.
Now, I’m not afraid to have that nightmare again, so I have the courage to pack up and go.
And the queen, as if she knew, waited there with her child.
I saw him.
I finally.. I saw my baby.
He had grown so much that he could walk, talk, and chase butterflies in the garden.
Seeing him, my whole body seemed to be in a daze, and my body ran to him uncontrollably.
Run over and take him in your arms.
“Heng’er, my Heng’er..”
I held him in my arms and my tears kept flowing. The pain of
bone and blood is stimulated at this moment.
His body still has the same taste as mine.
But at that moment, he cried.
He pushed me in fear, struggled, and reached out to the queen for help. The maid beside the
queen came up and took him from my arms.
Then a Mammy came up and slapped me in the face.
It’s Mammy Liang.
When I entered the palace for the first time, it was she who led me into the trap of Fengqi Palace.
Chunhua was so distressed that she came up to help me and shouted, “Why are you beating people?”! The imperial concubine was the mother of the eldest prince, and the emperor didn’t even say that she wasn’t allowed to see the child!
The Mammy came up again, pinched Chunhua and beat her.
I roared, “Stop!”
“In front of the empress, it’s your turn to shout stop!”
Then she slapped me again.
I was not as powerful as her, and I was knocked down to the ground, and the hairpin fell off, and it was broken to pieces. Mam
my Liang looked back at the empress and said, “Empress, how can I be punished?”
“Keep fighting.”
The queen lazily gave the order and held Heng on her knees.
“Heng’er is good. Heng’er is not afraid. Heng’er has only one mother. No one will take you away.” Crying
, Heng Er nestled against her chest and kept repeating, “Heng Er has only one mother, Heng Er has only one mother.”
20 When
I returned to Qixiang Palace, Xiao Yu came after hearing the news.
His face is very bad.
Looking at him like this, I remembered the slap he gave me when I came back from Fengqi Palace.
I chuckled. “My face is already rotten. Your Majesty, please don’t beat me any more.”
Xiao Yu’s eyes were dark, and he was angry.
But I saw that my face was red and swollen, covered with fingerprints and bloody mouth scratched by nails.
He was shocked, followed by heartache.
He came up and pinched my chin and looked at my wounds, getting angrier and angrier. “Who did it?”
He asked.
Chunhua wept and said, “Mammy Liang of the Fengqi Palace.”
Xiao Yu sent Mammy Liang to the dungeon, but the queen failed to save her.
But he didn’t blame the queen.
He only told me, “Don’t see the child again. He is the queen’s child.”
No! He is mine, and he is the child I bought with my life after ten months of pregnancy.
I roared recklessly, tears flowing down, sliding across the wound on my cheek, a piece of erosion pain.
Xiao Yu hugged me with heartache and kissed the corner of my eyes. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, Xiao Rong.”
“You are still young and healthy. I will give you another child.”
21 And
he kept his promise, and slept with me every night.
I accepted him again, for no other reason than to have another child. If I
don’t have children, I will never be her opponent. When he is
with me, he will still be moved and hold me tightly, and his eyes will be intoxicated.
Whenever this happens, I will be very cold and bear it without saying a word.
He would call me again and again, hug me and kiss my ear.
“Xiao Rong, Xiao Rong, give me a hug.”
He pulled my hands up around his waist and begged me for a response.
But I ignored him.
I just want kids.
Fortunately, the medicine for sitting on the fetus is not free on weekdays.
The body is not raised in vain.
With the efforts of Xiao Yu for half a year, I am pregnant again.
Xiao Yu was very happy. Only then did
I know that his happiness when he first got the child was not fake.
He really wants to have children, and he likes children very much.
And the queen could not satisfy him at this point.
This is also his greatest regret.
This is the only thing I can rely on to get this far.
He was so happy that he promoted my father to be a Grand Bachelor of Belvedere of Literary Profundity and entered the cabinet.
Although he was not equal to the queen’s father, he was close.
Shen Changqing endured four or five years in the position of assistant minister of the Ministry of Personnel, and was also promoted by his father. He was
promoted to minister of the Ministry of Personnel. On the night of
the Mid-Autumn Festival banquet, I saw him again. Strange to
say, we’ve only met twice.
But it seems to have been very familiar, standing face to face, not strange at all.
He looked at me without hesitation, looked at my bulging belly again, and smiled contentedly.
“But I misunderstood the Empress.”
Yes, I didn’t want to jump into the lake that day.
I’m much stronger and more resilient than he thinks.
“Why did Your Excellency see me?”
He dragged Chunhua to ask me to come out.
He glanced at the moonlight and said, “The time has come. We have already collected evidence of the Chou family’s guilt. But I’m afraid the emperor will not punish the empress severely for the sake of her face.”
He went on to say, “For so many years, it’s not that the emperor is not guilty of the Chou family. It’s just that he was supported by the Chou family in those years. Because of the empress, he can’t attack them. But if the empress is gone..”
I got it.
I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.
I nodded. “I’ll do it.”
Over the years, I have not been idle. At
least she has been an imperial concubine for several years, and it is easy to buy some people in the palace.
As long as there is money. One night in
September, I went to the dungeon with a big belly.
I saw Mammy Liang.
She has been tortured to the point of no human being. When she saw
me, she was afraid and thought I was going to retaliate.
I chuckled and ordered people to untie her chains and give her good food and drink.
“What have you gained by following the queen for so long?” Mam
my Liang stopped eating the drumstick, and her dirty, scarred face was full of pain.
She cried, silently.
I ordered someone to bring up a box with ten thousand taels of gold in it. When she
opened it, Mammy Liang almost choked.
She couldn’t believe I was going to give her the money.
As long as you can do it, it’s all yours. There is also a house in Hangchow. It’s very big, and there are many beautiful young boys. Don’t you like it?
These things, as an old palace woman, she did not even think about.
Now it’s easy to get.
She nodded and said, “Yes, yes …” But what does the Empress want me to do? I
took out the bottle of medicine I had prepared for a long time and handed it to her.
“This bottle of medicine is from the Western Regions. It’s colorless and tasteless. I can’t find it. Put it in the soup of the empress.” Mam
my Liang was afraid.
I reminded her.
In fact, how long can she live without this medicine? Who can you count on in this world in the future? Mammy must think clearly.
Liang Mammy thought of the queen’s sick appearance and suddenly made up her mind.
She took the bottle of poison and nodded. “Give it to the maidservant.” The night
my Yoon was born, I asked the emperor for a general pardon.
At the same time, Mammy Liang was released.
Liang Mammy was brought by the queen’s family, and she believed her very much.
It’s a pity that people can’t stand suffering. The night
she drugged her, I went to Fengqi Palace.
That was the fourth time I went.
And for the only time, I will stand there happily. When
I showed up, the queen had already drunk the bowl of medicine.
She was surprised to see me.
Gu Ningshu? What are you doing here? Then
she sent someone to drive me away. “Where are all the people? Don’t you know someone broke in?”
No one answered. Only then did
she realize her fear.
I did not speak, but looked at her with a smile.
She looked frightened. Suddenly, she shook and frowned in pain.
Poisoned.
But it looked, just like she had a disease, and it was the same as before.
She tore down the curtains expiratory dyspnoea and stared at me with fear and anger in her eyes. But
I chuckled and said lightly, “Empress, it’s easy to go.”
She fell to the ground in confusion and her head was broken.
She was gasping for breath, but she was still using her last life to say cruel words to me.
“Do you think he really spoils you by living with you every day?”
You can be favored only because of me! Because you are like me!
I sneered, “That kind of talk, you’d better keep deceiving yourself and others. In fact, he’s been tired for a long time, and he wants to taste something new. After nine years, he can’t even touch a sick seedling. Do you think he really still loves you?”? But for fear of being reviled by the world!
I walked over, crouched down, and looked at her ferocious face in pain. She whispered
in her ear, “When he hugs me every night, it’s true.”
The queen roared in pain and reached out to grab me.
These words, those imaginations, those Xiao Yu hugged my emotional appearance, more painful than her body at the moment.
Because of all this, she won’t get it long ago. You
‘ll never get it again.
Her body gradually stiffened, and her ferocious look solidified at the moment of suffocation.
I looked at her with a light smile and covered her face with the torn veil.
You’re finally dead. After the
queen died, Xiao Yu fell ill.
Because I gave him another poison. I
spent a lot of money to buy it, and the doctor couldn’t find it.
He coughed every day, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat.
I waited beside him and pretended to be heartache.
“Your Majesty, the empress has gone. I’m sorry for your loss.”
I always said so that everyone thought he was really sick because of the queen’s death.
No, it’s not. He did not shed a tear when
the queen died.
Instead, he put his arms around me and said to me, “Xiao Rong, I will make you queen, and no one will bully you again.”
What an ungrateful and fickle dog man.
No wonder the queen wanted to control him like that and hold him like a puppet. After
he fell ill, I deliberately dealt with government affairs with Shen Changqing in front of him every day.
Occasionally, you and I make eyes at each other.
Xiao Yu hated to kill Shen Changqing and me, but could not move.
He was dying, and under the influence of the poison, he could not speak.
I nestled in Shen Changqing’s arms, and we looked at the emperor on the dragon bed like a landscape.
I asked him, “Why are you?”
Shen Changqing sneers: “In those days, my grandfather was the first assistant of the late emperor. Just because he didn’t support him to become emperor, the Chou family suppressed him all the way. Even my parents didn’t let him go, leaving me and my sister alone. Fortunately, the British couple adopted me, and I was able to have today’s revenge.”
I sighed with emotion, “How can you bear it?”
He looked at me with his eyes on my lips and whispered, “Yes, I can stand it..”
Xiao Yu lay on the bed, tears soaked the pillow, looking at the ceiling, eyes can no longer close. When the
emperor died, the new emperor was still young, and I ruled from behind the curtain.
I asked Shen Changqing to be the first assistant.
He controlled the government and arranged everything very well.
In the evening, to arrange the queen mother, every day the following offense.
He said he wanted me to give him a princess.
That night, the moon was very big.
I lay in his arms and asked, “Would he really do that?”
Shen Changqing stroked my long hair and said, “In his heart, there is only one mother.” As soon as
the voice fell, Xiao Heng entered the palace. As soon as
he came in, he saw Shen Changqing and me lying on the bed. His eyes were red with
anger. He drew his sword and stabbed me, “You thief woman!”! I will avenge my mother!
Shen Changqing is not afraid of him.
He is a child, and he can’t be his opponent.
I just didn’t expect that my six-year-old Yoon would suddenly jump out from behind the screen.
Holding his small wooden knife in front of me, he shouted at Hsiao Heng, “Don’t you hurt my mother!” Before
he rushed up, Shen Changqing quickly fished him into his arms.
As soon as the order was given, the guards ambushed outside broke through the window and stopped Xiao Heng.
Outside, the men he brought did not move at all.
Those people have long been bribed by Shen Changqing.
I hugged the angry Yoon and looked at him coldly.
Look at the consternation on his face, like when I first entered the palace and was plotted by the queen.
So naive.
He was pinned to the ground by the guards and frowned in pain. My
heart ached so much that I wanted them to let him
go. Shen Changqing grabbed my hand and whispered, “Leave him here. Sooner or later, he will kill you and avenge his mother.”
I can’t help thinking of the day when the Queen slapped me in the mouth because I said a word to him in Imperial Garden.
He hid in the queen’s arms and kept repeating the words: “I have only one mother, only one mother..”
My Heng, he doesn’t know who he is.
Looking at him suppressed by the guards, at a loss of the tender appearance, I am very sad, but can not speak.
In his heart, I will always be a poisonous woman.
It’s impossible to change.
I deposed Xiao Heng, drove him out of the capital, and made him a vassal king, with no worries about food and clothing.
My little Yoon ascended the throne as a matter of course and became the little emperor.
He likes Shen Changqing very much and always asks me if I can call him father.
I said that if you shouted like that, Mr. Shen would not be able to find a wife.
My foolish son said, “Why don’t you just make a wife for him?” What should
I tell him? Your mother, I am the queen mother.
In this life, I’m afraid I can only let him commit the following crimes.
It is impossible to get married.
Shen Changqing said with a smile, “I am very satisfied to be able to offend my superiors.”
(End)
Record No.: YXX1r2eLDl0Imr1agJHKOa0
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the passing of beauty: Remembering the time when
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