What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever seen or seen? – What?
My mom and dad got divorced in my first year.
The first time I asked for her, I didn’t know what to say.
“Mom, are you really going to leave?” I’m sorry.
“I’ve been here for 15 years, and I’ve never felt like my home.” I’m sorry.
One.
She talked a lot, and I remember something a little vague, but that’s all she remembers. She never thought it was her home, her mother’s home.
What about my home? Where’s my home.
I have a six-year-old sister, Tsai. My mom didn’t take anyone. She took 30,000 from my dad.
My grandmother and my aunt were particularly excited, and my grandmother was particularly happy to say to me with a crutches: “At last, sister, your dad will find you a new one tomorrow.” I’m sorry.
My sister-in-law was even more excited to say, “I told you she didn’t want you, and you will never be able to raise her.” I’m sorry.
My sister hid behind me and held my leg tight.
When she was sleeping at night, she was careful to reach out and hold my hand: “Mother, will you never come back? I’m sorry.
I don’t know how to get back to her, I didn’t talk, I looked at the ceiling.
She squeezed towards me and leaned closer to me: “Did you not want me, sister? I’m sorry.
I felt like I was dreaming today, but she said that. Some of me I couldn’t bear to fall in tears.
And I endured the urge to cry, and breathed hard, and reassured her, “I will not take you away.” I’m sorry.
I thought she wouldn’t find me different without the light.
As a result, she reached out to my eyes with fear, then carefully erased my tears, and she did not speak, nor did I.
She fell in my arms quietly, and I held her in my arms.
I went to the town’s high school that afternoon, and I stayed at the school once a week.
The sister goes to first grade at the primary school next to home.
My dad and my mom divorced, but sooner or later.
They all have each other, no small family.
Every year, it’s when they start fighting or even fighting.
My mom complains that my grandma’s house is missing, and my dad thinks he’s still looking out for my aunts.
I started with the noises, sometimes the red eyes, and my mom threw the kettle at my dad.
My dad would have hit my mom.
They’ll hit the outside street from their yard, and many of the village will be surrounded by them.
When they’re tired.
And every time I go out, the village likes to talk to me, “Cai Hui, your dad hit your mother so hard, wouldn’t he hit you like that? I’m sorry.
“Is it true that your mom hit your dad with the kettle? I’m sorry.
“I heard your mother was so fucked up by your father? I’m sorry.
“Cai Hui, why don’t you stop them? Don’t you even know how much you love your mother? Your mother really raised you! I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
Why didn’t I stop them? Remember when I was little, I was standing in their way, crying, begging them not to hit, and then I was slapped in my mother’s face, and I slapped it down.
From face to ear, it hurts hot, even when it comes to eating the next few days.
My dad kicked me in the waist, just the bones on the stomach and legs.
Open your clothes, it’s been more than a month.
It hurts to wear clothes from there, even to speak loudly, and it hurts to be angry.
When my parents accidentally saw it, my dad said, “You can’t do anything about me. I’m sorry.
I was little and I couldn’t stop crying.
Then they said, “Wep!” And when they cried, they knew that they would weep, and that they would cry to me, and that they would feed you with claws.
So I don’t usually deal with the village people, and I know they don’t care about me, they just need to talk.
But the more I turn my back on them, the more they push, like they find a reason, and they start saying I’m weird and I don’t say hello.
Sometimes when it comes to my dad, he slaps me in the face: “You’re as proud as your mom, and you look down on either.” I’m sorry.
And my mother would say, “It’s none of my business! Every day, everything is on me. I’m sorry.
Then he stabbed me in the head, saying, “You still know that you’re a hag, and you have no idea. I’m sorry.
My sister Chai-hyo won’t eat right away and stares at them.
My mother threw a chopstick at her head and said, “Who are you, your sister, your mother? I’m sorry.
And every time my mother fought with my father, she held her sister and said, “If it had not been for you two sisters, I would have left you with your old man.” I’m sorry.
That’s what she said. Tsai-hyo doesn’t understand, but I understand.
I don’t know how to respond to her, but head down and stand still.
But the more I do, the more angry she gets.
Speaking of which, she started to rip my ear off and squeeze it like she was about to rip my ear off or slap me in the face.
They seem very fond of slaps, as if my face was born to be slapped.
It seems like I’m always easy for them to find a reason to slap me.
My ears are always sore, sometimes the slaps are blindfolded, especially when they’re the most angry, and my ears are soaring, that it takes a long time for that sensation to disappear.
When my mom left, my dad went out to work.
My sister’s living expenses were paid once in a semester, after all, she only had lunch at school.
But I don’t get it.
Sometimes it’s been a long time since I called my dad and asked him for the money to fill in.
When he’s in a good mood, he’ll ask me for money, and when he’s in a bad mood, he’ll say, “Do you think I’m picking up money?” Do you think my money fell from the sky? I’m sorry.
I don’t know why. I was so hungry.
And then I did the most unforgettable thing in my life.
I had a girl in a dormitory in poor conditions, and I found her eating their leftovers by washing dishes for other roommates.
I really didn’t know what to think.
I started washing dishes for roommates and eating their leftovers.
At that time, we used to have a bowl of noodles.
Especially noodle soup. People always drink it.
I am not ashamed, but proud.
Remember this winter, when one of the roommates deliberately left a last bite and said, “I left it for you, you washed it. I’m sorry.
Then another girl joked, “Cai Hui, you two are so stupid!” Washing bowls with them, you see, there’s so much in the bucket. I’m sorry.
She said the buckets were left over from the school, and our school was in a remote town. The canteens are just for cooking, and students at school usually feed back to their bedrooms and take a nap.
So each floor of the dormitories has two or three leftovers.
My face burned red and I knew what I was doing.
Many nights later, when I thought about junior high, the great shame would drown me.
I don’t seem to have a little dignity.
How can a man live without a face?
Without money, I’d start eating one meal a day.
I’m starving every day.
The school’s vegetables are three and one, and the vegetables are five and one.
Every time my dad calls, he says you’ll be back on Friday.
At that time, every time I called him in order to please him, I was proud to say, “I’ve only spent 20 years this week.” I’m sorry.
Then he will get a compliment from him: “Yes, understand.” Your mom doesn’t want you anymore. I’m sorry.
I’m always hungry, and sometimes to save money, I spend 5 cents to buy the chips from the school, and there was that kind of transparent bag, a small bag of 50 cents.
She was then seen by a girl in the village, who returned to the village and said I eat snacks every day.
But at that time, there was only a nickel bag of chips.
When you eat chips, you can’t eat a meal that day, or you can’t eat a single meal.
Then my grandma knew and she said, “What the hell are you?” He’s making so much money! You’ve got snacks, just like your old lady. I’m sorry.
I didn’t tell anyone about dinner, like my shoes broke many times, and every time I bought 502, it didn’t work, it broke.
Sometimes the hand is taken careless, first as if it were burned, then the skin is glued quickly and it takes a long time to wash it off.
My sister’s cafeteria used to give them buns for lunch for convenience, and she used to give me the sneaky buns at noon.
A bag was warm when she brought it to me in her arms.
I don’t know how to describe that feeling. I was alone before she was born.
I can’t feel any love, but every time she comes to me, I feel firmly that I am important to her.
Care, care, heartache.
I got it from a kid, so even if I’d save my living, I’d buy her ice cream and spics.
She said, “Don’t buy it, waste it.”
And then he gave me his first bite: “Sister, when I grow up, I’ll open you up to the biggest commissary, and you’ll eat a lot.
“Sister, I’m gonna make a lot of money for you. I’m gonna buy you a lot of clothes, I’m gonna buy you a lot of shoes, I’m gonna buy you a car. We’re gonna buy a big house, bigger than any of them. I’m sorry.
All her wishes as a child were about me.
Two.
My shoes are sometimes so bad that my grandmother asks me to get a shoemaker to fix them, and she’s usually impatient to say, “I don’t know how you spend your shoes so much, but look at the other ones that aren’t broken.” I’m sorry.
Shuu is my aunt’s daughter, she doesn’t have to make shoes. My aunt always buys her shoes.
But at the end of the day she’ll make it up to me, and she’ll make it up to me, and she’ll make it up to me. It’s not easy for you to make money.
“Well, you and Tsai Hao have a good life! Think of us when we’re all wearing these good things, wearing these shoes, like you and Tsai are so many clothes and pants. I’m sorry.
I know she’s had a bad life, she’s had enough to eat, and she’s starved to death.
But I can feel her mind more like I’ve been through so much before.
She’s getting older and more confused, and sometimes when she wakes up, she says, “Look at you two being so small, you can’t do anything.” I’m sorry.
Then my mother came to me one day in my second year, and she bought me shoes and left in a hurry.
I heard she was married.
I didn’t want to pick up those shoes, but I really needed one.
I wanted dignity. She threw her shoes in my hand and left.
I’ve thought of countless ideas, should I throw my shoes away to show my contempt.
But I don’t really have any shoes. My shoes are usually in school, and I’m wearing a pair of sandals when it gets cold at home.
It’ll be a little more dreary.
I didn’t put up with it, I wore those shoes, and I spit on myself.
I knew there was a boy in the village, and his mother was gone.
Later, in his teens, his mother came to see him and gave him $800.
He threw his money on his mother and said, “I’m poor and hungry and I’m not gonna spend a penny on you!” I’m sorry.
When I knew, I thought, after me, I wanted to, and I needed to have a bone.
But my mom didn’t give me $800.
I didn’t throw a pair of shoes on her. I was sick.
Those shoes are 36 yards. My feet are 38 yards.
My feet kept squeezing at the head of that shoe, leaving only two fingers on the tail of the shoe, so it was hard to squeeze my feet in and pull out my hand.
The shoes were in, and I suddenly found myself crying.
Shit! There’s nothing to cry about! That’s the truth.
The shoes are in. It hurts every step.
I’ll have to walk hard with the tip of my shoe, and then I’ll follow it with my feet.
My house is about six or seven kilometres from school and I’m not tired of wearing slippers and walking barefoot.
In these shoes, I just feel like I’m going a long way, and I can’t finish it.
It really hurt so much, I started taking a deep breath and running! Run a little bit and stop and sit down.
It was the hottest day of the summer, 5-6 p.m., and the road was full of broken stones, and the sun was burning.
I sat on the floor and I felt that rock burning my ass, and I put my hand on my ass.
Hands are hot again.
When I finally got home, the shoes were sticky on my feet, and it was hard to take off my shoes, and I ended up sitting on the bench and letting my sister take off.
I just fell on the floor, and my grandmother saw it.
Then he said, “This is the recompense. I’m sorry.
The shoes were taken off. It was just a bubble full of feet. Some of the blisters were polished while walking, and I just felt sore feet.
Tsai Tsai-tsai gave me the big thorn of the orange tree, and she said: Sister, can I not buy shoes? Will you not wear this? I’m sorry.
She talks with her head down, but a drop of hot tears. On the back of my foot, it seems to hurt more than a bubble.
I didn’t really feel anything, but I saw her cry.
I almost couldn’t help but keep thinking, it’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s a little thing, don’t be so sweet.
Aunty’s house is not far from us. Rain has come to see me.
I remember her feet were 36 yards, the kids were growing fast, and last year she was 34 yards.
I replaced my mother’s shoes with old shoes for my sister.
My sister-in-law knew that she looked so ugly and said to me loudly: “Your father earns well, let him buy new shoes for your sister.” You’re so lame. Your mother did that to you. You took her shoes!
“If it was me, I wouldn’t even look at it. I’m sorry.
Her voice was so loud that several families around her could hear it.
I feel like I’ve been stripped in front of her voice.
When I came home with my shoes, they all looked at me.
There are no recreational projects in the village, and my sister and I are the best.
My mom gave me the shoe delivery and hit everybody’s G point.
A very annoying old lady pretends to be busy, spying from the yard saying, “Cai Hui, I heard your mother bought you new shoes. Your mom still misses you. I’m sorry.
When she said that, the whole five officials were flying, drowsing in their eyes and full of excitement in their eyes.
One or two aunts went on to say, “Oh, my God! Cai Hui, let’s see the new shoe plug your mother bought you! I’m sorry.
I’ve got a few old shoes with a little rain, and I’ve got a straight waistbar, and I’m walking home.
They went on to say, “Cai Hui, look at your face! Say a few words and you’ll fall apart. No wonder your mom doesn’t want you. Your dad beats you. I’m sorry.
“We don’t teach you these things for your own good. You don’t have a mother, you don’t learn, you get married for two days. I’m sorry.
Tsai-hyo heard him. He ran out with a large kitchen knife with his hands and cried, “Mama sells her. It’s none of your business, I’m going to kill you bastards! I’m sorry.
I threw my shoes under the roof, and pulled her in one hand: “Who taught you these dirty words? How did you learn? I’m sorry.
Her cheeks were strangling, and her eyes were wide open, trying to hold her tears, but she did not listen, and fell from her red eyes.
I rubbed my hands on my clothes, and then I wiped her tears off, “It’s okay! Nothing! Ignore them. They don’t matter. We’ll get out later. Sister will get you out. I’m sorry.
My dad was my grandmother’s old man, and my grandma was in my 80s when I was in junior high.
She was 48 years old when she gave birth to my father, and she didn’t have a skill.
My dad raised her when he was 12, and every time she talks about it, she says my dad’s smart and capable.
It’s just that my dad would leave his head off right away or something.
She was often teased in the village and was called to pour a pot.
Then when my mom got married, they said we had three cans.
Maybe she was too poor, so she saved every penny and she thought it would be wrong to eat three meals a day.
We don’t always have food. I always get a little hot oil for bean bean bean bean bean bean bean sauce, and I cut a little bit of the wild head in. The rocks in the back were often too long, and when they grew up, Tsai and Tsai were taken away by Tsai. I mixed them with her. She ate so much every time, and she kissed me on the ass. Everything is so good. I’m sorry.
There is also a large range of graves and large areas of the bamboo forest, dark and humid, suitable for bacterial growth.
My sister and I used to go in the summer to find mushrooms, fry two eggs for soup, and wild mushrooms are rare and delicious, and I’m worried about Tsai’s lack of nutrition, which is very nutritious, and at least when the mushrooms are made, my grandmother put on eggs.
It’s just for the whole summer, and it’s good enough to throw up.
She would eat meat, but she would guard the pot and pick up the good ones in the bowl and send them to her sister-in-law.
When Tsai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-t-tai-tai-t-tai-tai-tai-tai-t (sai-t-tai-t-tai-t (i-tai-t (i-tai-t (i-tai-t-tai-t-tai-t (i-i-tai-t-t-i-t (i-t-i-t-i-t-t-i-t-t-i-t-i-t-t-i I’m sorry.
There are other old ladies in the village who like to go there to pick mushrooms and my sister and I often run to the grave in order to get mushrooms.
Sometimes there’s no light at all, and my grandmother starts rushing, “Come on! Come on! I can’t get hot when I’m late. I’m sorry.
Tsai-hyo can’t sleep with her eyes open, and she’s really a little timid and she’s always shaking.
I’ll just let her go back to sleep and I’ll go alone.
“What if the ghost takes you away?” I’m sorry.
I laughed at her and said, “Do you want me to go with you and fear the ghost will take you away? I’m sorry.
She didn’t talk. She followed me with the flashlight.
And then I looked at her so scared, and I touched her head and said, “We are so poor that ghosts don’t look at us.” Ghosts like meat. I’m sorry.
She cried and looked at me, “Sister, I have more meat than you. I’ll follow you, if there’s a ghost, I’ll get in the way and run.” I’m sorry.
One morning she looked around and asked me, “Sister, can you promise me something?” I’m sorry.
“What? I’m sorry.
“Sister, can I whisper to your mother? I’m sorry.
I asked her why?
She hasn’t spoken for a long time, until we find a large mushroom in a grave not far away, and she goes with me and digs mushrooms, and says, “I haven’t screamed for too long. I hear the rain calling my mother every day, trying to see what it feels like to call my mother.” I’m sorry.
“I’m just making a joke about you, I think it would be nice if you could stay at home.” I’m sorry.
3
No mom’s kid, looks like a stray dog.
My grandma just fed her, and she didn’t care about bathing her hair, even cooking her.
Tsai Hao cooks with electric rice, so he can mix it with the soy bean bean sauce that I used to get hot oil.
As for my grandmother and I, she’d be at my aunt’s.
At first I couldn’t rest my mind, and it took me a long time to get to school.
But I’m afraid I can’t keep up with a lot of teachers who teach at night.
Tsai Hao was always dirty under my grandmother’s hands, and I looked sore at her that she was taken to my bedroom at noon in a day or two to wash her hair and finish her quickly while my roommate was eating.
I’ll come back this weekend to wash her clothes and my grandma’s.
She’d be very nice to help me, too. She’d always be happy to help me.
I asked her if she was happy at work. She said she was happy with her sister.
My grandmother finally got stuck in my first three years, and it was hard to get out of bed.
The sister-in-law, who had never worked, went out to find life and even left her daughter with relatives.
Tsai Hao was terrified, and she asked me, “What if Grandma dies?” I’m sorry.
After what seemed to have come to her mind, she grabbed my hand: “Sister, you have to go to good high school. I’m not afraid! Isn’t he dead? Why don’t we go dig mushrooms? I’m sorry.
I put her in my arms: “You have a sister, okay? I’m sorry.
I had to talk to the headmaster for a while, and the headmaster cried and told the whole class.
She said, “Look at Cai Hui, it is not easy for both of you to advance, and you do not know what good you have, and study well.” I’m sorry.
She said, “I wish I could give birth to a child of your kind.” I’m sorry.
I looked around and looked around, and I smiled, and I watched the subject of practice in the textbooks.
Tears were dropped on the book unknowingly.
I was afraid they’d see me again, bit my tongue hard, and forced myself to look in one word.
When my grandmother was dying, it was the gentlest time of her life.
I wouldn’t be talking about Tsai and I.
On the day I returned, she was lying on the bed, shouting over and over and over again, “O Tsai!” Where are you? I’m in pain! It hurts!
Tsai Hsai ran in, brought her a bowl of hot water and poured the water from the kettle into the bucket, so that she could warm herself up with a pap.
The water was very hot, Tsai was holding a corner with care, and I grabbed a paps from her and quickly wringed it off.
“Sister, the water is hot. Cai is worried about me.
“It’s okay, sister! “I’m not used to this temperature at first, but I’m getting used to it every time I get sick in years.
She has a very serious rheumatism, and every time she has an illness, she puts it there with hot pails, which can be mitigated.
I just put it on her, and she’s got some ashes in her eyes.
She held my hand tight: “Cai Hui!” What should I do? I’m sorry.
I’ve said that to her a million times since she fell ill, and I have to keep comforting her. My father can’t leave. I’ll take care of her.
She went on to say, “What about your aunt? She promised me she would take care of me. I’m sorry.
I turned on the speaker’s speaker-free, and the sound over there became impatient from the beginning: “Cai Hui, is your man dead? You’ve got me in it!”
My grandmother heard it this time and said, “You’ll do this to me, and your doll will do it for two days. I’m sorry.
After that she was lying on the bed, with her eyes staring so big that tears were filled with wrinkles on her face.
And she cried long and long, “Cai Hui!” I’m dying! I’m dying!
And when she fell asleep at night, she said: “Cai Hui! I am afraid! Will you sleep with me?”
Tsai Hsai immediately jumped out of the way: “Grandma, I’ll stay with you!” I’m sorry.
“You didn’t do it before, did you? She seems to be dissatisfied with Cai.
“Whatever you want, I won’t be with you. Cai Hao’s aura has also come up.
The dishes are washed at night, and I asked Tsai why.
“What will you do if Grandma dies and brings in unclean things?” I’m sorry.
I don’t know what to say, keep my head down, keep the pot on.
Tsai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tai (Tai-tai-tai) held me from behind my back, and was dazzled by her tears, and heard nothing but her sullen saying: “You are more important to me than any of them, sister.” I’m sorry.
I finally convinced Tsai Tsai. We were with Grandma.
It’s an awkward thing to do, like waiting for someone to lose their breath.
She held my hand and said, “It’s good to have you two sisters.” Two days I’m dead, I can’t scare you. I’ll protect you. I’m sorry.
“Cai Hui, don’t blame me! I’m low on you! Cai Hui, you have a good heart! You will have a good day.” I’m sorry.
Speaking of which, she put my hand under her pillow.
I consciously touched it, and the first thing I ever felt was money in my pillow.
I looked at her and she looked at me.
And her tears fell, and she said to me, “Cai-hye!” Don’t blame your dad, he’s hard too. You have to study well! Don’t live like me forever. I’m sorry.
But when she said that, my tears came out.
She was happy when she saw it, and she cried and laughed: “I thought I was dead and no one had to weep for me. The old man told us that no one had to cry and went down there to be bullied.”
“Cai Hui, I’m dead! Will you cry for me? Cai Hui! I’m your grandmother!”
I covered her with tears and promised her.
Then she looked up at the ceiling and cried, “God, take me away! I can’t live!”
“Take me away! I’m really dead!”
I can’t! I can’t!
“Take me away, please!
“Do something good! Take me away!
I’m dead! I’m dead!
After that, her eyes were open and her last breath was out of her mouth.
I’m shaking my hands, wipe her eyes off and shut her eyes.
The pillow was then moved out quickly, with a small bag containing a stack of money.
I took a couple of them and folded them in her pocket.
Then I hid the rest in the bricks on the side of the bed. I needed the money, and I could not trust anyone.
After doing all this, I rushed out and stopped Tsai and shut the door quickly. She’s little enough to scare her.
Then I cried out, “Come on, somebody! Somebody! My grandma’s dead! I’m sorry.
Tsai Tsai held me tight and the whole thing was shaking.
I held her in my arms and saw her in her back, consoling, “No fear.” Don’t worry! She said she wouldn’t scare us. Sister’s there, sister’s there. I’m sorry.
My dad came home all night and he said hi and he went to the funeral.
They found the hundreds when they put on Grandma’s birthday coat, so no one suspected me.
I saw a tear coming out of my dad’s eyes and he wiped it out with his hand.
I was thinking, does he love my grandma?
I was wondering, if my mom died, would it hurt me?
After Grandma died, Tsai Tsai changed to school.
Tsai-tsai used to wake up in the middle of the night: ” sister, why don’t you go and stay in school?” I’m not afraid anymore! Really. I’m sorry.
She was always so worried that she couldn’t sleep, and at that time she was the most feared person in the world.
And even when she was burning her grandmother’s paper, she kneeled there and said: Be good to my sister. You bless my sister, I burn you every year. I’m sorry.
Maybe her prayers worked. I went to the best high school in the county.
But if you go to high school, you can only come back once in January.
So Tsai Hao was sent to her aunt’s house and I heard them scold her once.
Say she’s lazy, say she’s like my mom.
I’ll be married again, and I’ll go to high school in the county.
Speaking of which, Tsai Hsai was like an angry little leopard.
I bit my aunt’s hand.
My dad’s coming back and he’s going to hit Tsai Yao as soon as he gets back.
Give me a slap and I’ll pull Tsai Chia right behind me.
The slap hit me in the face, I took the best high school, and he had a lot of face.
It’s a lot better to talk to me.
This time, he’s really pissed off.
I hold Tsai Tsai, dead and dead, and I have a hunch in my heart that I cannot let Tsai Tsai suffer any more.
I can’t help it. She’s right in front of me.
She doesn’t cry, laugh, talk.
Ignoring everything.
My dad kicked me in the face and my stomach strangled to the ground.
He stopped. Tsai-hae immediately came to me and looked at him viciously.
“I’m your father, who are you staring at?” And when he reaches out, he hits my sister, and I barely get up and hold her, and my father finally fails to do it.
And suddenly his eyes were red, and I saw tears turning in there, and he stretched out his hand and erased it, saying, “I have a way with Hako.” That’s all I got. I’m sorry.
And when I saw my father cry, Tsai took hold of his hand: “Strike me, don’t hit my sister, I provoked them. I’m sorry.
Her words keep my tears flowing.
Poverty is like a huge web where all three of us die.
Tsai Hao’s spirit is so tight, he stands in front of me and he confronts his father.
I couldn’t help but kneel down to my father: “When I came back, she was scolded, and I heard them scold her yesterday.
“Why do you live like this? I can’t take it anymore. Why?
“Are we born with airbags?” Grandma used to take care of us, but she’s better at rain than at us. She’s given her $200 red bag for her birthday, I’ve eaten for my birthday and my sister’s birthday dress. I’m sorry.
I couldn’t help but control my emotions. I felt like I was going to be swallowed up by emotions.
My father’s head is low, and I’m going to go on and say, “Is it because you’re the one we’re born with?” Why don’t you think about us every time you show face? Why did you have us?
“I can’t read. I’ll go out and work. Can you go home and do some work with her? I finally made this decision by biting my teeth.
My dad punched me in the face: “I gave you so much to read, you said you wouldn’t read? I’m sorry.
Tsai-joo heard me not read, and cried: “I come, I apologize to them. I’m sorry.
I put her behind me to show my attitude.
It ended with my dad’s compromise, he went to another relative, paid for his living and sent Tsai.
My grandmother had $5,000 in that bag, and I had 4500 left to use.
Because I’m studying in the county, I have a lot more room to operate.
Half a day’s rest every week, and I often go to wholesale markets to sell stockings and stockings.
50 cents to a pair of socks, I’ll get it back for ten and three.
The stockings don’t range between $2.3 and $6.7. I’ve got them for 10 or 15.
The dormitory buildings are cleaned from one floor to the next, and door knocks from one bedroom door to another, and I often earn half a month in the afternoon.
I saved the rest for myself. I was afraid Dad wouldn’t let me go to school.
I don’t know how long his responsibility can be.
In addition to selling socks, I sell on the basis of air-conservation.
For example, on Valentine’s Day, you take leave of absence and go out and distribute roses. We sell apples for Christmas and some scarfs and gloves for winter. Co-operation with restaurants outside the school to deliver school delivery.
I can do it, and I look honest, and the teachers naturally trust me.
They don’t think girls who learn so hard will miss school.
I’m tired every day. I’m tired.
I’ve tried all the ways I can think of making money, and I’m afraid to spend it even if I earn far more than I live.
I only spend money in one or two places, my own tuition, and about Tsai.
I go home every month to buy a gift for Tsai, and I even learn how to take care of a child, and every time my roommates talk about their home,
I’ll listen.
I was thinking that Tsai Hae should have that.
But with age, I wonder why Tsai and I have a problem.
It’s because I went to Cai Hak School to see her. She’s in class.
The teacher spoke strongly from the podium.
Tsai Hao sits in the third row in the countdown, and she’s going up to the high ground.
Keep your head down and play with your nails.
All she had to do was play with Tsai, and she played with her fingernails.
I saw her in the window. She seemed to feel something.
Turn your head against my eyes.
Just for a second, she’s gonna twist her head over and come out to see me after class.
I asked her why she did it. She’s like a hairy cat: “I just can’t learn, I’m ashamed of you. I’m sorry.
I tried to comfort her, and she reacted more strongly: “I’m not your baby, why do you care? I’m sorry.
I was wondering if she had reached puberty.
But I don’t know how to deal with it, because I’ve never experienced it.
No one stood there to give me the chance to rebel, and I had to plan on reading.
I ended up dispersing with Choi.
And when she sent me out of the school, she said to me without a head or a head, “Don’t think about me, it’s not worth it. I’m sorry.
I was so angry at my brain that I tried to suppress it, and I said to her, “Tsai, you are now a teenager, and I can forgive you for a while. I’m sorry.
Three years in high school, I learned my life, I had a bad talent, and it’s not wrong to try to score five points.
I’d particularly like this to take me out.
I finally took an ordinary one, and I’m satisfied with that.
I’m really not good at learning, I’m hard every time, and a subject can practice back and forth until the meeting.
I’m the only one in our village who’s ever been to college.
Getting the notice, I’m conscious to know what’s gonna happen to my mom.
She’s seen me three times over the years.
Didn’t even look at my sister once.
My mother’s new home is in the county. I know where she lives, but I never bother her.
I consciously walked downstairs.
She recognized me from far away, with a little boy in her hand.
Next to her husband now, it’s extremely embarrassing.
I went into a noodle shop next door and ordered a bowl of rabbit noodles.
Before the chopsticks were moved, tears fell in the bowl.
I kept telling myself that it was nothing, nothing.
But I just couldn’t help myself because I saw my mom’s embarrassment.
She doesn’t want to see me. I despise myself even more, why do this.
It’s pointless.
I haven’t finished a bowl of noodles yet, and she just showed up in front of me.
“I know you went to college. You know I’m not good enough, but I can only give you a point.” I’m sorry.
I’ve started my summer work, and over the years I’ve consciously deducted money from my living expenses, and now I can pick up the dignity of those shoes.
We confiscated her money and said, “You have not raised me and Tsai, and we will never have to feed you again, right?” I’m sorry.
I’m really angry. I don’t understand why one can do that.
If you don’t love children, why have children?
“You’ve come here to tell me this, so why don’t you go to college and I won’t touch you? * She used to be like this and scolded me. *
I looked at her face, but I was so calm that I was never afraid of her again.
“I hope you do. I’m leaving now.
I was supposed to be happy going to college, but it’s getting harder and harder for me and Tsai.
I don’t know why she’s getting bored.
I don’t know how to tell her that I can only say repeatedly that we have no other way but to go to school.
But every time I say it, I can feel her not listening.
I’m starting to get upset. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why it’s so hard for her to go to school.
One winter she saved her living expenses and bought me a sweater. I was very touched.
But when I say to my mouth, “You have this heart, you should spend more on learning.” I’m sorry.
We’re not as close as we used to be. She used to tell me everything when I came back.
But I don’t know when our relationship suddenly seemed different.
She even ran away from my eyes.
She couldn’t read anymore when she was in second grade.
I asked her to go home and ask her what she wanted to do and what she didn’t read.
She’s not saying a word.
And We cried out to her, “Do you not have the means to speak? Do you not have the right opinion?” I’m sorry.
“What’s wrong with you?” Why do you care about me? Did you have me? Will you mind your own business? I’m sorry.
Her words were like a chain of beads that knocked me out of control for the first time, and unconsciously I slapped her, and she looked at me in the eyes, and she was young and supposed to be young.
But the eyes were numb and she laughed at me and said, “Does sister want to continue fighting?” I’m ashamed of you. I’m sorry.
After I beat her, she didn’t cry. I cried myself.
Her hands were shaking after the beating.
I can’t believe I hit her.
Chai-hyo didn’t speak, kept standing around his neck. I sat in a chair and I cried so hard.
Somehow she handed me a tissue.
I didn’t answer it. Cover your face with your hands.
I don’t know how this happened.
We continued the cold war, and until the next day I went to school, Tsai Hao woke up and packed my bags.
I wanted to talk to her again, but she just ran away and she refused to talk to me.
In the end, Tsai Tsai chose to read middle school.
I went to college. We met less often.
University studies are beginning to face tuition problems. For my father, who works at the site as a minor, the tuition fee of 6,000 a term is a considerable amount.
4
My aunts started to say all kinds of things, what’s the point of reading?
Whoever, how long have they worked and how much they made in January?
How long did my dad give me up to ask me if I was gonna kill my dad?
And then she’s talking about my sister and saying she can’t even finish nine years.
Now go to middle school and spend money on my dad every year.
I’m not surprised at what they say.
Good thing I’ve made plans.
The whole high school for three years, the cost of living plus what I earn, takes out the expenses. I’ve saved about 20,000, and I can finish the university if I’m willing to.
But I’m not going to tell them anything. I want to see how they react.
My father smoked in silence, and when my aunts were out of mood, they said, “If you hadn’t met a man like me, you wouldn’t have read it. I’m sorry.
I looked at my dad like he was a lot older.
There’s a lot of white hair on his head.
But I suddenly wanted to grab something, and I felt my dad’s weakness, and he was proud of me for going to college.
But at the same time, he saw it as a huge burden.
I suddenly felt endless loneliness and not loved.
I’m seeing the parents of other classmates, thinking of them with all their heart, the unrewarded, the attention, the compassion.
Jealousy, jealousy, and again and again.
And the presence of Jiang City made me eager to prove that I was loved.
Someone loves me.
That day, he took the money he had saved for his work from his rotten bag, worrying about the tunnel, “Cai Hui, you cannot give up!” You have to read it. I’m sorry.
In his heart, he thought I would give up.
He’s afraid I won’t make it.
He doesn’t know me very well, for me.
I can’t give up if there’s a little chance.
People like me can’t give up.
I don’t know how to describe him, but I’m having a hard time.
He was in the mud.
It’s a fool to give me extra kindness.
How could there be such a fool?
But such a man would make me consciously want to get close.
He just stood there and I thought the sky wouldn’t collapse.
He dropped out of school when his mom got sick.
I was a very selfish man, selfish to the extreme, but at that moment, for the first time, I had the idea of helping someone.
Me and him are in the mud, and seeing him get deeper and deeper doesn’t make me feel happy, it only scares me.
Our families are not resilient to risk, and even if we want to follow the path of learning, we go as thin as ice.
For the first time, I told someone: “Shall I lend you some money first? I still have more than 10,000 in my hand. I can lend you 5,000, and you can borrow some more, and you can stay for a few more years.” I’m sorry.
“You made so much of those? Then keep it. * He’s just a little shocked, and he’s like a child to me. *
I got pissed off by his attitude and lost my sentence: “Whatever!” I’m sorry.
But he couldn’t help but stop him when he really went to school, and finally stopped him from saying, “Can you stop being so naive?” I’m sorry.
He didn’t talk. He just laughed at me.
I saw myself through him.
Heart sour, weak, angry, filled with my chest.
He has since been working outside, but will return to school several times in a semester.
Every time you bring me a lot of food, you give me a meal card.
We were at the same table, and I began by rejecting his good intentions.
But he only laughed, saying, “Why don’t you just borrow it, and you’ll be fine.” I’m sorry.
I asked him more than once why he did it.
He came to see me and said he’d be working late.
He gave me $2,000 in cash, and I asked that question again.
He finally gave me the answer, and he said, “I just want to see how far you can go!” I’m sorry.
When he said that, he smiled bitterly, and I only heard it sound sour.
I took his money for the first time, and I had the feeling that if I didn’t use this to get involved with him, we would eventually get away.
I’ve had a good friend who’s been involved.
But then I just took it quite frankly.
But he, I don’t want to. I want to see it.
How can he go?
A man who’s fallen into the mud can still climb out?
Jiang Qi did better than me, and the first class I couldn’t keep up with was the one he gave me.
I can feel his impotence, his reluctance.
I’ve always had the key to my class as “The Great Three.”
I opened the door every morning with the key, and he always appeared at exactly the right time.
It was dark and dark in the winter, and I got up early to open the classroom.
He’s far away, and he’s my guts.
I’m really not very gifted, so the schoolmaster encourages other students to take me as a case study, and says, “You can study, you can take it, you can do it, you can do it, you can’t read a book like Cai Hui. I’m sorry.
People get used to it.
He was the only one who stood up and spoke for me. He said, “Shall a teacher say so?” Good drop! I’m sorry.
The teacher was angry and said, “The dragons, the birds, the rats’ sons, the holes.” I’m sorry.
I can’t hear you any more. I can see Gang City’s hands holding tight. I don’t know what I can do. I can only punish him when he’s standing. Stand up with him to show my attitude.
We wrote him a sentence in the draft: “It doesn’t matter what they say. We decide who we are.” I’m sorry.
Gang City was the greatest goodwill I ever received at that time, and I wasn’t dressed well, with only two coats in winter.
I used to wet most of the water with a plaque, wipe my clothes and then rub it with soap.
Take the brush and wipe it again.
But there’s more to wash, and sometimes one is particularly dirty and the other is still dry.
The self-esteem of the girl made me wear that wet dress to the classroom, and in the winter morning, the clothes were still sulking.
All of a sudden, everyone was staring at me, and Jiang City gave me his jacket and took my clothes to the boiler room to dry me.
And he wrote to me, “Cai Hui will be fine, and there will be plenty of clothes.” I’m sorry.
We used to go back to each other, 20 times a day in the morning, and I had a bad math, and he gave me an analysis.
He’s not good at politics, I’ll tell him again and again.
We had only one goal at that time, to go to college.
We were really doing our best at that time, but he got out of the car.
At that time, he couldn’t help me, I couldn’t help him.
I watched my dad say, “My tuition is paid, if I promise to graduate and marry someone else.” I’m sorry.
In the event of an accident, he was shocked, and after learning about Jiang City’s home, my father finally lamented his consent.
I understand his fatigue and irritation, and he did not think well about having a baby, gave birth to it in a state of confusion, and forced social morality to keep our sisters.
But when he did, I felt sorry.
What I accepted was conditional, and suddenly Jiang City became an exception.
Kang didn’t say anything about me marrying him after I got into college.
He came back first and found me, ready.
“I know your personality, I just made an early investment.” He said a lot of things.
I couldn’t bear to touch his ears.
His face went red.
I said, “How are your ears red?” I’m sorry.
“How can you do that?” He was as embarrassed as a girl with yellow flowers.
“Can’t I touch?” I’ll continue.
“You’re this big now. Watch your influence. He was serious.
I picked up his card and signed his name on it, saying, “Can I take him to the school day?” I’m sorry.
I knew my dad wouldn’t send me. I didn’t care.
But now Gang City is back.
He didn’t say no to me. When he started school, he prepared everything.
I went to university in the province, and he bought me bed sheets, wiring boards, sunscreen for military training.
A lot of parents aren’t as careful as he is.
When he helped me get my stuff to the dorm, my roommate asked me who he was.
I was about to explain that I reached out to hold his hand: “He’s my boyfriend.” I’m sorry.
Gang City’s eyes were as oxen, and this time the neck was red.
I saw a lot of sweat on his forehead and couldn’t bear to wipe it off him.
He’s all stiff.
When we had lunch at noon, he said, “I really didn’t mean that for you.” I’m sorry.
“You can’t see me? I deliberately misconstrued him.
“No, you can have better choices. * He bowed his head and finally said *
“What’s a better choice? I’m sorry.
He didn’t come back to me. He ate rice and stuff.
When Jiang City left, he sent me a message:
“Cai Hui, you know, you’re in college now, and you can see a lot of other good people. You’re coming out of the mud. Don’t crawl back. I’m sorry.
I read the text, and I said, “I like you, and nothing. I’m sorry.
And then we haven’t seen each other for a long time, just for a little bit.
I didn’t move the money I got. I saved it all.
I made up my mind that if we’re together, this is our living fund.
If we really don’t have a chance, we’ll pay him back.
I’ll do anything after college.
As long as it makes money, there’s all kinds of part-time work on the scholarship, in the bedroom, in the night market, and I’m busy making myself a gyro.
I was packing things in order to get out of town.
He came down from his van, said nothing, helped me move things to the car and drove me away.
I’m sitting on a copilot. We’re not talking.
“What’s wrong? Is the money not enough?” I’m sorry.
“Jiancheng! You really don’t like me, do you? I couldn’t stand to ask that question, I didn’t have a relationship.
I thought about a lot of possibilities. With both of us, like, together.
There’s only one possibility he’s really sorry for me.
It’s strange that I’m a man with little self-esteem, and I’ve been getting more and more.
The entire road was a taillight for the car, which he drove into a school parking area.
Instead of answering my question, he opened the window and lit a cigarette.
“Does it matter if you like it or not? I’m sorry.
“I can solve the problem myself now. “I leaned on the seat and finally spit out a sentence like that.
“But your solution will make you hard!” He put out the cigarette and stared straight at me.
“Doesn’t my hard work have anything to do with you?” We’re just high school classmates. I have not been weak in my response.
“Fuck you, Cai Hui! Don’t regret it! He held me tight and I even felt him shaking.
His head was near my neck, and he was breathing in a position, and I felt my scalp was numb.
My nose smells like him, just like he used to sit next to me.
Well, it’s like washing his clothes in the sun and tan with his own scent.
Just a hug, and my heart beats so hard.
I reached out and touched his head, and he left an inch of his hand.
He stretched out his hand and put my hand on the chair. And he looked at me, and we looked in contrast and breathed from one another.
He took a deep breath and said to me, “Cai Hui, you can still regret it.” I’m sorry.
That is a very heavy statement, which is almost as heavy as death.
Just for a moment, unconsciously, I kissed the past.
I used to think his lips were beautiful, but I never had a chance to touch them, and I did it in that atmosphere.
He’s a little shocked, he’s a little stunned.
“Cai Hui, you asked for it! “The voice has just fallen.
I was about to get out of here, and he pulled me into my arms and deepened the kiss.
The kiss was so aggressive that it didn’t even look like a kiss that he bit my lips.
It reminds me that when I first brought home the dog I raised in the country, it bit my finger like that, and it was shaking.
5
And I can finally make sure — he likes me, and I don’t have a crush on myself.
My heart beats faster, even when he smells of smoke, and I can ignore it, kiss it to the end and even cry.
One kiss ended and he wiped my tears.
Hold me in my arms again: “Cai Hui, don’t play with me!” I’m sorry.
I touched his chin with a sprain, and I said, “Next time, no smoking!” I don’t like it. I’m sorry.
When I returned to the bedroom at night, I felt my feet were light and I touched my chest unconsciously, and it was burning.
I was anxious to share this joy with others, thinking that I had called Tsai.
She was silent on the phone for a long time, saying, “I’ve had bad grades, and I don’t want to read it. Can you give it back to the man? I’m sorry.
“Not for money! Don’t think about it. Read it. Read it if you can’t. I’m in a bit of a hurry.
All of her words have disappeared from my heart of so-called joy.
“Why? Is it worth it? I said I don’t like to read. What are you doing? Is that what you’re fighting for? Tsai Hao’s words are getting heavier.
“It’s not what you think. I have money. He’s a good man. I like him very much. “I’m willing to explain to her.
Tsai Hao just hung up.
Once again, when we were having a bad time, and it was almost New Year’s, she suddenly sent me a message, “Sister, can I lend you $50 for your car? I’m sorry.
I’m standing there. When are we gonna be so polite?
I turned her 300 and left her with no money to tell me.
At the same time, he called my father and asked him how he paid Tsai’s living expenses.
When did I ask you for last month’s allowance?
Then he turned his back on us and became angry: “How can I remember this well?” I’m sorry.
I didn’t even have the strength to argue with him, and I breathed deeply.
It seems I saw myself through Tsai Tsai, dreaming at night, and I dreamed I was going to eat the leftovers of someone else, and I woke up with my pillow wet.
I bought a ticket home after the exam, and Cai-Cai and I met at home again.
She asked me to find her a cold job and to hide.
My dad was very active, too, and he said, “Yeah. Isn’t Cai-hye working late this year? Take your sister with you! I’m sorry.
As soon as he opened his mouth, I couldn’t fight.
“How poor is it? How old is Tsai Hsai? I asked him one sentence.
It doesn’t mean anything. He couldn’t even hear it. He told me that he was 12 when he was working. My grandmother owed him so much.
And say he hasn’t been alone for all these years for our sisters.
That was so unconscionable that he had never broken a blind date over the years, and none had been successful except for the money.
I really don’t have the strength to argue with him.
Take Tsai Tsai Tsai Tsai Tsai, even if I come near her, I’m hiding.
I asked her what happened, and she suddenly found scratches on her wrist.
She was too busy pulling her hand back and I grabbed her quickly.
Take off your sleeves and have one scratch on your hand.
Some of them are particularly deep, and how hard they are to get a scar like this.
“Who rowed? Who bullied you? As soon as I say it, my tears roll.
“No one!” Tsai is busy putting his sleeves down.
She turned away from me, but I saw her trying not to cry.
I tried to pull her, and she looked up at me, and her eyes were full of tears: “I said no one’s!” I accidentally did it myself. I’m sorry.
I reached out to her and when my hand touched her, all those tears came out.
I couldn’t bear to cry with her.
“Doesn’t it hurt?” I touched her hand again.
“You don’t owe me, will you? She finally cried and said something like that, and I felt that she was struggling.
“I care about you! Will you stop messing with your sister?” I pulled her in the arms and said again, “I told you, I’ve got mine, you can trust me.” I’m sorry.
She cried out in my arms: “It’s not you who gave birth to me. Don’t marry that man for money, okay? I’m sorry.
I’ve taken her back and explained over and over again that I can now be self-sufficient, just because I like Jiang City, which is important to me.
She looked at me with incredible faces.
I told her you had a long life and you’d meet someone who was really good to you.
You’ll understand how I feel now.
That night, we were in the same bed again.
I heard her say she read middle school and she liked to paint.
There’s an art teacher who’s always complimenting her, and she’s got an award.
I know that, and she gave it back to me, but I was busy working part-time, and I just called to congratulate her.
Then somehow, the art teacher suddenly didn’t like her.
I can’t believe you’re such a man.
I asked her, “Is that teacher that important? I’m sorry.
“No one has ever said anything to me before. I can’t read, I’m not like you.” I’m sorry.
I just realized that I seem to have missed a lot of her.
I’ve been with her all this time, and she’s been drawing and I’m looking at it, and I’m looking at it, “I don’t think I can do it in my whole life, and I’ve got a sister. I’m sorry.
I wanted to encourage her, but suddenly she didn’t crash and her tears fell.
“Sister, I’m not very good at studying, is it particularly embarrassing for you? I’m sorry.
I just know what I did.
I said, with my own conscience, that I don’t really like reading and studying.
But it helps me, and I’m just learning to learn, but it’s not a matter of trying.
I’m beginning to try to understand that Tsai Tsai was away.
When I went shopping with her, a boy from her class shouted at her: “O fat man, you’re a little thin, not so fat.” I’m sorry.
When did Tsai become so?
I looked at the boy and I hit him.
He was standing there, and I beat him so hard when he didn’t react.
The streets are surrounded.
The guys next to us pulled us apart.
I pointed at that man and shouted out to Tsai Hsai: “Tsai Hsai, remember, you’re fat or thin, it’s none of their business. Whoever bullys you, you bully back.
“The sky is falling! I’ll hold you.
Tsai-chan looked at me and tears were turning in his eyes.
In the summer, I rented a single room at the place where I worked and brought her to me during the summer vacation.
I walked with her after work.
She was wearing short sleeves and all those scars were shown.
I feel like my heart is torn and I squeeze her with my hands.
She looked at me and said, “Sorry, sister, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.
Speaking of which, she started crying.
“I just can’t control it. I just can’t control it. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry!
She said that no one had ever confirmed her, that she seemed really unwelcome, and that the teacher who went to junior high often said she, so you’d rather not read.
Dad hates her too. Every time he sees her, it’s like he sees something dirty.
Mom never saw her. She asked me if she was really annoying.
I held her hand tight, as she held my hand when she was a child, saying, “I like you, I care about you, you’re the closest person in the world, you know? I’m sorry.
She fell asleep in the night, and I quietly looked at the wounds with my cell phone, and it was in my hand.
For the first time in my life there was a great fear, I was afraid, I was afraid to lose her.
Even when I went back to school, I kept in touch with her.
Buy her clothes, pants, shoes and send her various photographs.
I keep insinuating to her that the world is big and that there are many others.
One night I had a nightmare and I had a dream about Tsai Hak.
I woke up cold and sweaty and I called her the next morning, and I didn’t know what to say to her.
In the end, he endured crying, saying, “Cai! We’re going to have a few good days! I’m sorry.
I started to plan her life, and she liked to paint, and I asked all my friends who were able to reach out to her, especially those with little success.
Tsai had decided not to go through middle school, and she told me that college would cost 8,000 years of tuition and maintenance.
I’ve also started an internship.
I thought, let her read it, help with the loans, and then I paid it all up, but my dad was in charge of her maintenance, and my dad finally agreed.
I’ve got an appointment with Jiang City to get that bank card out.
He’s got a tumultuous face and tight hands.
“Does Cai Hui have to count so clearly? I’m sorry.
I looked at him and somehow the tears were dripping.
I thought I was calm, but in the end, I had to say it, it was all intermittent.
“Jiancheng! Marrying me may not be a good thing. I’m sorry.
He stretches out his hand and wipes my tears away and kisses me in the eye and says, “It’s not a good thing to marry me, I don’t even have a high school diploma. Are you sure? I’m sorry.
We hugged.
When I was young, I was always full of blood and passion, and after being beaten by society and life,
It is only by understanding how limited an individual’s efforts are.
My father would have searched for my sister until my sister-in-law’s little rain was depressed and he told me to help me find a hospital.
Six.
I asked him if he knew what depression was. He says depression is suicide.
I asked him what Shuu had done. He said it was my sister-in-law.
I said, do you know that you have a daughter who’s been hurting herself? You might not know when you die.
He thought it was me. “I told you, Tsai can’t read, so why are you so stressed? What will I do if something happens to you?”
He really doesn’t care about Tsai.
Then I heard him saying, “Cai Hui, do not lose your mind.” If anything happens to you, leave the money to people like me. I’m sorry.
I hung up and he kept calling me.
I didn’t answer it.
He sent it to me again.
“What can I do without you?” I’m sorry.
A great sadness has surrounded me.
I called my father’s number, and I suffocated with one sentence: “Dad, why didn’t you treat us better?” Just a little bit! I’m sorry.
I couldn’t hear his response. I hung up fast.
A man on the ground, crying.
For the first time in all these years, I can’t control myself at all.
Crying to my whole heart twitching.
I almost took him to the hospital.
What’s the most painful thing in a man’s life? I never thought about it before.
I know now.
Not loved, not loved at all.
It’s every penny. It’s like a book. Don’t take a penny.
He cares about me. I can give him a pension after college.
Tsai Tsai and I started with a burden that my parents couldn’t get out of.
I’ve been cheering myself for years, trying to climb. I fear that if I let go I will be abandoned by fate. I am fed up with poverty and weakness.
I’ve been longing for a break, but I’m like a runaway car, brakes are broken, horses are running, and I can’t stop until I’m broken.
Deep inside, I always felt I wasn’t worthy.
I don’t have a house, I don’t have enough money.
I’m not yet on the right foot in this society.
I can’t stop, I can’t get sick, I can’t let anything go.
I’m suffocating in this endless anxiety and panic until Cai Chia-Cai is falling before me.
I realized that our hearts were very ill.
I started to realize that I wasn’t just pulling her.
I’m pulling myself.
Tsai Hsai has equaled my life.
She must not go wrong.
I’ve been living with Jiangcheng, and he comes back at night, finds out who I am and asks me why.
I just held him in my arms and said, “Does love always require conditions? I’m sorry.
He rubbed my head and just told me he’d be around.
And I started saving my money to go out with Tsai, and I said to her, “Tsai Tsai, we shall have a good day.” I’m sorry.
Choi didn’t say anything, but the spirit was much better.
I even found out that she started to draw people on a part-time basis.
She bought me all the first money she earned, and there’s a handout in it: “Sir, I’ll make a lot of money for you.” I’m sorry.
When Jiang City returned home to make fruit and produce some agricultural inputs such as fertilizers and pesticides, I thought about the choice to go back to our middle school teacher.
I met a girl like Tsai Hae.
She asked me, “Teacher, is it only for reading?” I’m sorry.
I said, “It’s not just about reading, but it’s another way for you.
“We must do a lot of things we don’t like before we do things we don’t like. I’m sorry.
Back home, I found out all these years, like it didn’t change much.
We go to get oranges, and every time a farmer fears we won’t come, maybe a family of hundreds of orange trees is the future of the family.
In order to expand sales, we even made live broadcasts and started supporting farmers.
I couldn’t do it at first.
Until Tsai Tsai made a red video of me with oranges, and then said, “Perhaps this is you in the eyes of the photographer.” I’m sorry.
That’s how we started working as teachers and working on the Internet.
Most of the oranges and oranges in the nearby towns were sold by me and some other couriers. And these carriers, the kids I grew up with.
Everyone came back unconsciously.
I went back to the village.
I haven’t said anything yet, but when those who said we were talking to me, they said so much about me and Tsai.
They’re afraid of my revenge now.
I was going to say something, but seeing a child like us ends up just saying, we just have good oranges, okay, no.
Our home is really poor. I’ve been graduating so long.
There are still dropouts.
I’ve tried to escape it a million times, but when I saw a child like me and Tsai Hak again,
I couldn’t make it.
I’m as ordinary as an ant, and other people’s heads and feet are ours.
But there are many ants like me.
Most of them are in my remote and poor homeland.
If an ant goes out and doesn’t come back, this group of ant doesn’t know there’s still a wide space.
I didn’t know there was plenty of food in the larger world.
I chose to be the back ant.
Then I met my junior high school teacher, and she cried, and she said to me, “I wish I had a child like you.” I’m sorry.
I didn’t cry this time. I laughed at her.
When my child was born, Tsai Tsai learned to draw. She became a well-known original painter.
I tried to run to the city, and it was her who stayed.
Chai Hao bought a house when he was 30 and wrote our names.
She said, “Sister, I told you, I’ll make you a big house. I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
