Too much respect and courtesy for others is not a way to get a “connection” with others.
I didn’t realize until this year, when I was 24 years old, that the most fundamental reason why I didn’t have a friend who had a heart, was that I wanted to be a “good” friend with someone else, so I always behaved so nicely and politely, but instead it pushed you away from someone else.
My family has taught me since I was a child: you have to be a good child and not cause trouble.
That’s why I’m very polite, very polite and very considerate.
When I was a kid, I was proud of being polite. Because all the grown-ups around you would compliment you for that.
But then slowly I realized that my “no-problem” approach was getting uncomfortable.
First of all, it’s easy for you to be the neglected and despised object of the group.
Because you think you’re good at talking, and you don’t ask, so you can discuss everything.
If it was necessary to sacrifice someone’s interests, you might as well speak and not cause trouble.
Second, it’s hard for you to get respect.
Because your “for others” will make you customary to put others above yourself when you’re with people.
It’s like you have to be first and the other.
Such a unconscious low-down on your position will certainly be shown in the details of your dealings with others.
And there must be a potential sense of “status” in any group.
Just as the wolf pack reflects the position of the individual by the order in which it eats, the next wolf respects the upper wolf and obeys the invitation.
The same is true in human relations, where we reflect the position of individuals in groups in ways and in details that are more complex than wolves.
For example, the seats on the table, the back and forth of the walk, the attitude of the conversation, etc., are so many of these details that we have unwittingly formed a “situation” in the minds of others.
Every time you take a attitude towards someone else, you’ll be the basis on which they judge whether you are his “top” or “lower”.
If you’re “up” he’ll respect you.
If you were next, he would despise you.
This is objectively in everyone’s subconscious judgment.
No matter how long we want peace, no man-to-man conflict, no good people. How equal are they to others, and those who judge us as being “down” will continue to despise you.
And if you treat someone who is in your “top” position at an objective and organizational level because you “respect” others, then he will never be grateful.
Instead, you must have treated him as being “in the top” because you didn’t think you were his “lower” and therefore despised you.
Something like that happens to me many times. After many times, frankly, I’m a little upset.
In essence, it is because my family education, which gave me knowledge of social relations, was “equal”, but not the objective reality.
As long as it’s a group, there’s always a rank.
Respect for others without distinction is not a good way to survive in groups with objective “grade” attributes.
In the past, I never understood the concept of “demolition.”
What I’m saying is not that I don’t completely understand the meaning and effect of the concept, but I don’t know what it means.
I also have this “ununderstanding” of all interpersonal skills.
But with more and more people coming into contact, I realized that all of this really really revolved around the concept of “grade.”
The only reason he’s going to do this is to make him understand that you’re not his “down” and that he can’t look at you;
All these little tricks are essentially “grade” games.
I used to think that these little moves were boring, essentially because my life was too monotonous and simple.
“The Tavern” is just a special, extreme “bit game” situation. Because it is too extreme, it has led me far away from it in the past and has never given a good thought to its essence.
But in the case of the “bit-level gaming” in reality, there are all sorts of situations.
Whether you are respected by others, or whether you are polite to him, or whether you are a human being, will you wait for someone else?
Others respect you essentially because you are above him in “social rank.”
It’s only worth being polite to the top and down, for the other.
To exaggerate: you’re very polite to a man next door, but you don’t feel anything about him;
But the male stars, “behaved” would be an advantage for countless fans; even his shortcomings would be good in the eyes of fans.
If a man is rich, but he is humbled, he always puts others first because he has low self-esteem, and everything comes to be feared.
So, while he has succeeded in a secular sense, it will not allow the people around him to respect him. For what he has done is to tell others: “I am the next to whom you can be free.”
Why?
This is because “social hierarchy” is a complex, difficult-to-quantify, multi-factory concept.
It is difficult to say what these factors, such as secular achievement, individual mentality, level of self-esteem and level of wisdom, are decisive.
Because these factors affect each other, it is as if a rich person would feel inferior because of his low self-esteem, and a low-esteem person might also be superior to his high self-esteem because of his wealth.
One person may have failed in his secular achievements, but his personality is well structured, which can lead to a lack of contempt even for those who are already of high rank.
In conclusion, “social rank” is a combination of multiple factors such as the level of self-esteem, secular achievement, individual mentality, and so forth, a relationship position within the group.
In almost all life situations, there are varying degrees of “senior gamuts” in which most individuals want to rise to higher levels than others.
With the exception of low-esteemed people, who are used to raising others and demeaning themselves in relationships; or who are habitually defined as “belongers” in any relationship.
They do so because of, on the one hand, an unconscious relationship model and, on the other hand, a self-protection strategy in their relationship.
To avoid conflict with others, and to avoid harm that may come from others and cannot be dealt with by themselves, by actively placing themselves as “belongers”.
For whatever reason, however, the voluntary lowering of their ranks is not a good way of survival.
The desire to be respected by others and to become a high-ranking member of social relations is an instinct of social animals.
If forced to suppress this instinct, it is easy to create many conflicts in our mind.
Of course, such pedagogues as Buddhists are grinding our unconscious instincts, which is another path, beyond our discussion.
For the general population, it is the reasonable satisfaction of one ‘ s desire to grow.
So how do we use the concept of “social hierarchy” to better guide our lives?
First of all, we need to be clear on the premise that secular achievements must add value to the rise in social hierarchies.
In turn, it can be understood that the upgrading of our society is one of the motivations behind our pursuit of secular achievements.
The pursuit of secular achievement is therefore absolutely reasonable and human. There is nothing wrong with wanting more money and more attention.
This is the first point, the cognitive rationalization of the quest for secular achievement.
Not to shame and demonize this pursuit. Everyone has the right to a great deal of recognition: I love money, and I want the attention and praise of others.
But secular achievement is a very big proposition, and human beings have their own lives, and genetics and the class of the original family have a huge influence on one’s achievements, so we have come to an end.
Then, on the basis of the secular achievements that we have achieved, we talk, not to mention, about ways to raise our social hierarchies, but at least to keep us from being despised.
How can you not be despised?
One, you have to be a little grumpy.
What is the essence of “tempered”?
Its essence is what we demand for our lives.
Because we are responsible and demanding for our lives, and we are going to let ourselves live the life we want.
So we’ll have our own bottom lines and rules, and we’ll keep our own rules.
The so-called “old good man” is a man who lacks the courage “to defend his own life.”
Because they are afraid to defend their demands, everything is done according to others, in order to put their needs first.
“Dereliction” is a typical means of defending one’s own needs.
When I get angry, I’m not just telling people that I’m emotional, but, more important, conveying the message that I’m a man who can defend his life, and you can’t despise me.
If you’ve never been angry with any of your friends, and you’ve never accused anyone else, then you must be a wimp who lets others bully you.
But having a temper is definitely not the same as being of will. The difference is: are you really angry, or do you realize that being angry is just what you want to do.
What I mean by “people want to be a little temperamental” is that we have to realize that our own temperament and bottom line is a means of maintaining the status of human relationships.
It is only a means, not an unconditional release of our emotions.
In fact, from my life experience, if you want to make a real friend, your relationship must not be a “kind” relationship, but a very relaxed one, most emotions can be expressed naturally.
Too much respect and courtesy for others is not a way to get a “connection” with others.
I didn’t realize until this year, when I was 24 years old, that the most fundamental reason why I didn’t have a friend who had a heart, was that I wanted to be a “good” friend with someone else, so I always behaved so nicely and politely, but instead it pushed you away from someone else.
For normal people, a good relationship must not be “honorful” but “smuggling”.
2. Learn to defend yourself in a “quiet and firm” way.
In my previous responses to fans, a number of people said that they were always afraid of offending others, afraid of giving them bad impressions, and always giving themselves up to their needs.
In fact, it is essentially because of the lack of experience in “rejecting others”.
Because the experience of the early years did not leave us with a sense of “security” in human relations, we would consider conflict with others and rejection as a very terrible thing.
The more horrible it is to feel the rejection of others, the more embarrassed it is that we are afraid to do it. And so the less experience is, the more daunting it is to please others.
But once you start trying to reject others a few times, you find things less complicated than you think, and less terrible than you think.
Denying others, not meeting their needs, is not something you think will bring you conflict with others.
On the contrary, it is just a normal pattern that can never be more normal in human relations.
All you have to do is consider your position and your ideas and tell others with a gentle but firm attitude, that’s all.
From now on, don’t do anything else.
This includes, and is not limited to, showing a benevolent attitude towards others, saying in collective cases, “I don’t care, don’t think about me”, offering to do things that are not within your purview, and feeling sorry for things that are not yours or within your responsibility. (In fact, I’d rather advise you not to be sorry for anything. I’m not sure.
There are many examples that can be cited, but all of them are essentially about one thing: you have to be completely out of your mind and no longer see yourself as a “downside” and insignificant person.
You need to realize that being low-profile and nice is just one of your misperceptions: you think that this way can make you or someone’s relationship safe.
But in fact, you don’t need that security at all. You’re not a baby who can easily be hurt by others, you’re not a crybaby who is scolded by others, you’re an adult, you have hands and feet, you can deal with any problems in life that you should have dealt with.
You used to flatter people just because you didn’t think you could handle them.
Changing your mind is the simplest and most difficult thing in the world.
The difficulty lies in the fact that if a person never dares to face the problem, no more pain, no more pain and no more loss will have any edifice.
The simple thing is, you just need a change of mind to be a different person and live a different life.
Try it.
Starting today, we will try to respect ourselves, try to assert ourselves and defend our interests. You can have another more relaxed, more comfortable life. Case number: YXA1DKrBPbKHp5OJLDRM8Mj
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
