Say goodbye to Landing.
22
Her voice sounds soft and her face soft.
But the familiar can see that the storm under my mother’s eyes is gathering in darkness.
And I looked at him with the chopsticks, and he appeared in his clear eyes with a little apology, but he had a little smile on his lips.
He’s playing innocent on purpose.
But I can’t stand it.
It’s like I’ve always been in front of Ki-yan.
With the eyes of my mother’s rain and the smile of Lantin’s sudden disappearance, I began to make excuses:
“Uh… it was months ago that I was in the neighborhood building roads, too noisy to sleep at night, so I moved to Kiyoko for a few days. I’m moving back. I’m sorry.
I increased the pronunciation of the last four words.
My mom took a look at me and took an orange juice, and she said, “You better.” I’m sorry.
I can’t talk anymore. I can’t talk anymore.
On the way back, while Ki-yan was picking up my mother’s fruit, Lantin found an opportunity to come to me with complicated eyes: “So, last time I saw you in your neighborhood, you moved in with him, didn’t you? I’m sorry.
I hesitated and noded.
Aunt Lin says this is your childhood. “But we’ve been together for more than three years, and I’ve never heard you say that you’ve had a young girl.” I’m sorry.
He smiled a little, turned his side, and this moment happened to blow his forehead.
I slit my lips.
‘Cause when we knew him, he had gone abroad, and I thought I’d never see him again. I’m sorry.
That’s just a small part of it.
The real reason is that I was unconscious and unwilling to go with anyone about my past with Kiyyan.
Kiyoko, to me, means too many secret, tiny, sweet memories. Every time I think of him, I’ll be dragged into the memory of the warm citrus, and then lost in it.
Then I seem to have forgotten him, but he was always there, quietly and quietly occupying a position.
And I looked across the lumber, and I looked at the Lantin, and I said, “You don’t really have to waste any more time on me, because we broke up.”
He whispered, “I never thought I’d break up with you.” I’m sorry.
I stopped my words immediately.
“It’s just that our future was uncertain when I promised you to break up, and I didn’t want you to be psychologically stressed, or to have our feelings wiped out. I’m sorry.
He raised his hand like he wanted to touch my hair like he did, and finally he put it down, “But I didn’t think about anyone else in my life except you. I’m sorry.
I looked at him in shock and didn’t know what to say. It’s almost a subconscious thing that ransacked when she broke up.
He said one day he’d give me back that red dress.
There’s a metaphor for that.
I can’t believe I never noticed.
“I know that you’re a calm man and that you’re only warm and friendly to people who you’ve carved into a world. “And now I’m still in your world? I’m sorry.
I don’t know what to say.
In those three years together, I loved Lantin so dearly.
It is only in this love that there is so little of the thorns that I have chosen to break up in the midst of a long graduation season, without leaving any room.
I don’t know if my love for Lantin is mixed up in gratitude.
It is thanks to him who dragged me out of the abyss of sorrow.
Maybe there is.
I haven’t been sad long since I broke up.
Lantin looked at me and stood still, and asked me, “Are you with him? Are you with him? I’m sorry.
“Not yet. I’m sorry.
It seemed as though he was relieved and laughed at me, saying, “I will not quit.” I’m sorry.
I was stabbed by that smile, and suddenly my heart started to burst.
“Ooh. I’m sorry.
And the voice of Kiyoko came out behind me, and drew me out of my mixed memories with Lantin.
I looked back and turned my head and saw him carrying a bag of oranges and a box of flaming nuts.
I haven’t heard from my mother yet, and she’s stuck a box of car tarts in my hand.
“You’re going to eat something. Take it up yourself! I’m sorry.
I looked down and looked at my mother again.
No, she’s always frugal. How come she suddenly buys so much fruit?
My mother answered my question immediately: “Yiko says you like to eat it, and buy it for you.” This thing’s on fire. I’m sorry.
And right now, I’m standing in the middle of the cold and wet winter with a box of tweaks, and I’m standing on both sides of the way.
Both of them stood up, but Kiyoko was much more sophisticated than Lantin.
Both looked into my eyes with the secret buried love.
I suddenly felt like such a scum.
My mother stomped on my back: “What are you waiting for? I’m sorry.
Over the next few days, this feeling became more apparent.
I’ve been cleaning my room, buying food and cooking for years.
She’s so relaxed, she’s so happy, she’s secretly warning me: “I was just saying last time, but don’t really feed me fish to be a sea king. I’m sorry.
My mother is a middle-aged woman who follows the trend of the Internet, even if she knows that.
I pretended, “No way. I’m sorry.
It’s really sad.
I’ve always been confused in this matter of emotion, and if he hadn’t made it clear to me three more times, I wouldn’t have been able to make a decision.
Unlike me, Ljussa is deeply involved every time she’s in a relationship, and she’s always hurt.
Sun Yai, for example, would have continued to harass Luxha if it hadn’t been for Ki-yan’s hard work.
I don’t know if anyone will envy what they won’t get. I envy Ljussa for her passion, but she envys me.
I told Ljussa very briefly about these recent events, and she called so quickly. I’m sorry.
“No! No! I was invited by my mother, a friend who grew up together, and a former boyfriend who met his parents in college. I was hiding in the stairwell, whispering, “That’s not the point, it’s the point that I feel like I’m really bad, like a slag. I’m sorry.
But Ljushar did not think: “Then choose one, and talk first, and we can’t replace the other.” I’m sorry.
Dude, I’m calling in.
“To be serious. I’m sorry.
“Seriously, pick your young boy. At least he looks better than Lantin. I’m sorry.
I’m:
“You’re such a wimp. You’ve been with Landing for over three years, and you haven’t lived together for a few days. It’s natural to live with you as a young girl. You said you were living together. You’re still struggling with the problem of being together. What are you thinking? I’m sorry.
I didn’t have any room for it.
I looked at the floor of the stairwell and I didn’t know what to say.
Why didn’t you resist living with Kiriko, probably because he had lived with my house since he was a little boy, and then we went out and I fell asleep on the couch, and he took me to the upstairs room and then he went to sleep on the couch all night.
Ljushar doesn’t know, but Kiyoko and I have been in closer contact.
I’ve hugged, kissed, slept in a bed, but I’m not sure.
What the hell was I thinking?
I don’t even know myself.
I said, “Let me think for myself.” I’m sorry.
Then hang up.
When I got back, my mother was in the kitchen, sitting in the living room, on the left side of the couch, on the right side, both faceless.
When I walked into the kitchen and was about to take a long chopstick to help, I heard my mother say, “Close the door.” I’m sorry.
The heavy push of the door separated the kitchen from the living room, and my mother wouldn’t lift my head in the sound of the charred fried, and asked me, “You’re living with Kiriko?” I’m sorry.
I was like, “No…”
“You talked to someone? I’m sorry.
“None.”
“No, I’ll ask another question. My mom finally looked up at me, “Do you like him?” I’m sorry.
23
She’s a little too straightforward to ask, and I can’t bear it.
I did not answer, nor did my mother. My mother was only concerned to say, “If I had known that you and Kiyyan were in this situation, I would not have called Lantin. I thought… forget it. I’m sorry.
She did not finish her speech, but she lamented, and said to me, “Thus, think well. Kiriko has always been a good boy, but Lantin did nothing wrong. I’m your mother, but I can’t hurt people for nothing. I’m not forcing you. You make decisions as fast as you can, for everyone. I’m sorry.
After that, she turned her back on me and started to focus on the fried meat.
I put the kitchen linen in the bamboo basket, and I used another pair of long chopsticks to pick up the meat.
When I was too fast, my hand was burned by the pot, and I shrunk back my hand.
My mother immediately pushed me: “Go, you little furry, go out and get some medicine, get out of my way. I’m sorry.
It took me a while to put my hands under the water, and I didn’t pull the door out until the pain was abated, and I was going to find some saber in the medicine box.
And as soon as I opened the door, I found Kiyoko standing at the door, with a slight whiteness, a mist in his eyes and a faintness.
I was standing there, “What’s wrong with you?” I’m sorry.
He seems to have returned to me and looked at me in the eye, and it took half a day to pull out a smile that was almost invisible: “It’s all right. I’m sorry.
Does this look all right?
But this place is not the place to go. I pulled him to the study with Kiriko’s sleeves and went to the cabinet to find the medicine box and asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” Don’t say nothing. You don’t look like nothing. I’m sorry.
“I heard something about your university.” I’m sorry.
“They always think I’ve missed a lot of things about you in my years abroad. I’ll never get involved again. Ki-yan said, “I’m sorry about the lips, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I bit my lips, and I didn’t know why there was a sour and bitter mood in my heart.
What did you regret?
Regret that he left the country or that he shouldn’t be sick.
But that’s not beyond his control.
We were pushed by fate, each moving forward, separated at one point and reunited at another.
I suddenly realized that my mother had just asked me and I couldn’t get the answer.
Do you like Kiriko?
– Like that.
I like Kiriko.
Since he broke into my life in the middle of kindergarten, we’ve been separated and reunited twice.
Every time I parted, I thought I would never see him again, but every time we met again.
It’s better to call it fate, or God’s will, or…
I can’t be touched by him.
For 20 years, Kiyoko and I had been in each of the details of each other’s lives. Even a brief separation will not change this fateful obsession.
When I tried to understand that, I was open and thought was clear.
Ki-yan, don’t think so. I’m sorry.
I walked in, hugged him, and with a little strength, the warmth of Kiriko’s body passed through his soft sweater to my hand, reminding me of some warm and tumultuous memories.
Kiyoko’s got a sharp freeze.
“Some things are not within my control and you can’t control them. I’ve been at home, and you’ve been better abroad. Besides, we also have a lot of past memories that others are not involved in. I’m sorry.
Kiriko shivered twice in a violent tremor and grabbed me with care.
It was almost three days before I found an opportunity to talk to Lantin alone.
It was the second day of the year, when a guest came to the house, and my mother put me out of bed early in the morning, asked me to go out and buy candy melons or something, and came back for the guests.
I was in a hurry to wash, and I just saw Lantin standing in the kitchen, cooking my mom a small pot of milk cereal.
“Randing. “I’m going with you. I can’t. I’m sorry.
That is certainly an excuse.
I can go up to the fourth floor with a couple of kilos of washing machines.
But Lantin didn’t tear me apart, but he smiled after the tumbling, and said, “Okay. I’m sorry.
He turned off the fire and went out of the kitchen and told my mother that milk had been cooked, so he came downstairs with me.
The snow came down last night, and there was a bit of snow outside, and the ground was a thin white.
I stepped on the snow, carrying two packs of lush fruit sugar and melons, and I thought for half a day or decided to open the door.
“Landing, what did you say to Kiyoko that day? I’m sorry.
“I knew you’d come and ask me. Lantin smiled a little, and there was a bit of loss in his tone, and he said, “Oh, I’ve seen him a few times, but every time, you’ve been watching him. I’m sorry.
The last time he said, it’s probably the time Kiriko sent me to move.
I don’t know what to say.
It’s no surprise that Lantin didn’t get my answer.
“What do you think I’m gonna say to him? We’ve been together for over three years. Guess what I’m gonna say? I thought it was a fair competition between me and him, but it wasn’t – because your mind was biased. I’m sorry.
I’m silent.
Of course I know what Landing is like.
Nice and easy. When we were together, there was hardly any argument, and there was no disagreement, and as long as there was a conflict of views, it was almost him who compromised me.
I’ve seen his parents, they’re nice people, ordinary families, not rich, but sweet.
Such a person, even after a break-up, comes back to me, is polite and never entangled.
Of course he couldn’t have gone to protest with Kiyyan, but at best he was telling the truth.
– My most difficult period, with him, was the fact that he pulled me out of the abyss.
“Landing, I really appreciate you…”
And suddenly he stopped and put his hand on me.
“I don’t want to hear this, you know. I’m sorry.
Lantin had a bag of pistachio and pine in her hand, which he bought when he was at the dry fruit shop, because he knew I liked it.
At this moment, there is a wind blowing through the tiny snowflakes, and the dazzling bags are ringing.
So I heard the sound of Lantin, and I said to him, “This is not the way it should be, but I can’t help but think about it — would you have chosen me if Ki-yan had not returned, or if I had come to Shanghai before him?” I’m sorry.
His eyes are soft and wet, and the snow and the snow are not blind.
I had a tight bag in my hand and I found myself in a calm mood.
“may or may not, but I don’t want to answer that question. I’m sorry.
I looked him in the eye.
“Lanting, things have happened, and it makes no sense to make that assumption. I was so happy when I was with you at the university that you were with me and saved me from the abyss, and I appreciate it. At that time, I had the heart to put you in my world. It was just fate. Landing, we’ve been separated for three years now, and there’s no real possibility of getting back together. I’m sorry.
“My mother asked me if I lived with Ki-yan. I don’t actually live with him, and we’re not even together.
“Someone must have said that I was casual, others said I had a bad conscience, and others probably said that Ki-yan was bad. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him, because he’s Kiriko, and he doesn’t think it’s a problem, because it’s me — it’s the way I’m living with him, and it’s the way I’ve been growing up for 20 years. I’m sorry.
Nobody gets used to it except me and Kiyoko.
Even when Kiyoko first returned, I was not used to it because of the time and distance.
“And I like Kiyoko. I’m sorry.
That’s the real reason.
Perhaps even earlier, when he was sitting with me in an alley with a line of 60 cents, in front of a fireplace full of citrus fragrance, or when he carried my hand through the smoke around the cybercafe, the seed had been planted, and it had grown under the irrigation of the flood of time.
Lantin looked into my eyes and slid a little pain.
“You must not leave me any hope? * He lays down his eyelashes and smiles are filled with bitter inches *
“You’re hurting me. I’m sorry.
24
This is the first time that Lantin has shown such a fragile look in front of me.
I looked at his tiny red eyes, and I was silent.
If Lantin were to be an incompetent man, then I could have scolded him, scolded him, and I would have taken away all his contacts.
But he’s not like that.
He was gentle and polite, and I couldn’t beat him.
Last but not least, Lantin smiled and comforted me by saying, “It’s my bad, you’ve made your point, but I’ve always had my imagination.” I’m sorry.
That’s not true.
Lantin shot me in the shoulder and broke me: “Well, let’s go back. I know what you’re thinking. I’ll go home after the year. I won’t bother you again. I’m sorry.
Although the process has been somewhat distorted, it was also the result that I wanted to achieve.
I kept my mouth shut and went home with Lantin.
My mother saw us come back together, with no fluctuations in her eyes, but Kiyoko, who was sitting at the table, picked things up from me.
He turned and was leaving, and Lantin suddenly said, “Here’s the pine and the pistachio in his hand.” I’m sorry.
Kiyoko’s moving.
Or take it away.
I was standing at the door, turning around and watching Landing not talk.
And he shrugged at me and showed me a little childish smile: “What, I am out of the game, and I am not allowed to find him any joy?” I’m sorry.
At the beginning of the month, early in the morning, Lantin left, said to start work day after day and to go back to work.
He rejected my mother’s offer to take him to the high iron station.
When did you get back to work? I’m sorry.
She’s just asking, and I’m all on guard, and I’m looking back.
I looked at my mother with some tension, and I hesitated, or I said, “I quit.” I’m sorry.
“What? I’m sorry.
She lifted her voice up and looked at me, “When?” I’m sorry.
“Just a few years ago, after the year-end award, he resigned. It’s too stressful, and it’s not what I like. I want to take a break. I’m sorry.
I didn’t dare tell my mother that I quit most of the year ago and never found a job.
I thought she was going to say something to me, but I didn’t think my mom would look at me for a while, and she said, “Well, you’ve been fighting in Shanghai since you graduated, and you’ve been working hard for years, so just go home and take a break — don’t worry about the job, go back and look for it. I’m sorry.
She consoled me.
I suck my nose and lean in her arms: “Mom, I love you so much. I’m sorry.
My mom, the anti-Wanda.
She pushed me away and said, “What’s the use of saying love?” Go wash the dishes. You’ll have to clean the house today. I’m sorry.
I’m:
I didn’t finish the dishes, because Kiyoko said I had a burn wound on my hands and forced my housework to pass.
I don’t want to go back to Shanghai, and Kiyoko doesn’t want to go back to Shanghai. We’ll just stay in our homes, walk around the streets, look for the places we went.
Midway Kiriko also received a telephone call from the family, and Ki Chishi learned that he was in his home and wanted him to come home.
Home?
By the time we got the call, Kiriko and I were sitting in the spicy hot shop that used to be.
After all these years of operation, the owner has not changed, but has turned the tables and chairs in the shop, and the price has risen from 60 cents to a dollar.
When I heard the screams, I went back to the two stainless steel pots and I saw Kiyoko on the phone.
He looked down and his voice was cold and sarcastic: “Do you think that the house where Yao Shizuki and you lived should be called my home?” I’m sorry.
“Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. I never thought you were my father. I’m sorry.
When he hung up the phone and looked up at me, he put a gentle smile on his lips.
I was surprised that Kiriko was different from when he first returned.
Those who climb on him, the sharp and fragile parts of him, are confided unwittingly — in fact, I’ve lived with him for most of the year, and I’ve hardly seen him go through again.
I’ve been looking for a lot of information when I learned that Ki-hian is bipolar, but I haven’t experienced it personally, and I’m quite sure of it.
But I also remember very well that in the symptoms of this disease, many of the words mentioned were:
— Easy to relapse, hard to cure.
That is why, during the time I lived with Kiyyan, I tried to avoid him from being in touch with Kishi, and I took him out of his head and made him happy.
For some reason, from a very early age, in my subconscious, it was as if there was a sense of responsibility for the natural nature of Kiyyan, which made me want to protect him against every malice from the outside world.
It is now thought that such a sense of responsibility may be to like its original origin.
After dinner, Kiriko and I are going back to high school to visit Mr Ho and Mr Ye.
At this moment, small shops, red brick streets, walk trees, and more distant and clear skies faded.
Kiriko is standing before me in an iron gray coat, like a Zeran jag tree.
We knew that he was beautiful, perhaps because he had lived together in the morning and in the evening, but I ignored the beauty of his face.
And lo! We were cast in place.
Many years ago, a frame, a flood of time passed through this moment, jumped out of my sight in an extraordinary gesture.
It was a winter break in the third grade, and I was in my house writing crazy questions, and Kiyoko suddenly called to ask me out. I was very anxious, but I went out.
It’s like a winter sun too.
I had a simple meal near the school, walking side by side with Kiyoko, thinking about the grades of the school year and the questions that had not been brushed.
And then, at the corner of a few people, Kiyoko stopped and looked at me and whispered, “Oh, my God. I’m sorry.
“Hmm? I’m sorry.
“If I had to do something that might not be good, would you think I was terrible? I’m sorry.
His voice was light and light, as if he were a smoke, and the wind blew out.
I didn’t think, “You set me up in kindergarten when you were four, and I never thought you were good.” I’m sorry.
It’s like that one time that Kiyoko and I split up and he didn’t contact me for days.
Then the students of the third grade started early, and Kiyoko and Kang Myung suddenly got close.
There’s something in my head that flashes and I can’t catch.
But my instincts tell me that there’s a difference between Ki-yan and Kang Myung as simple as I thought.
