The way
my mother killed the chicken was very cruel.
Directly pluck the feathers, remove the internal organs, fill the chicken belly with seasoning, sew it on, and then hang it outside the window to blow
.
I always felt that the chickens were still alive at this time. A string of prometheans of chickens were hanging side by side in front of my house,
swaying left and right, bumping into each other, and “cooing” like wind chimes in the wind and snow.
At night I can always hear the sound of “cooing” on and off. There was a loud rumble
outside the window, the sound of snow falling from the roof.
This year, I was less than ten years old. I curled up on the sofa, opened one eye, and was not awake
. The
room was full of yellow lights, the blanket on his body was a little heavy, and his body was hot and
lazy.
I faintly saw my sister doing her homework on the table, my brother was talking to my mother, and my mother brought out a casserole from the kitchen
.
I expected the pot to be stewed chicken with potatoes. The taste of the chicken was very dry. A thick salty taste was closely woven in the fibers of the meat. It was air-dried chicken from my mother’s hands.
My brother said that when making air-dried chicken, the technique must be quick. No need to bleed to kill, directly pluck, eviscerate, fill the chicken belly with seasoning, sew it on, and then hang it outside the window to blow.
At this time, the chickens were still alive, and a string of Prometheans hung side by side in front of the door, swaying left and right, bumping against each other, and “cooing” like wind chimes in the wind and snow.
This scene was always the source of my nightmares when I was a child.
Mother used it to make up strange stories. She said it wasn’t a rooster. There is a kind of spirit called mountain charm on the
snow mountain, which will not actively harm people, but will deceive human beings through imitation, disguise and hallucination, indirectly causing death. In winter,
it imitates the crowing of a rooster and lures people out to hunt. People see the shadow of a rooster in the distance, but they can’t catch it all the time. Eventually, they go farther and farther in the snow until they get lost and freeze to death.
So don’t run out. I never step out of the house
unless I follow the adults. So it was with this story and a row of air-dried chickens that my mother blocked my whole childhood at home.
Looking back on the past, I have a lot of feelings.
My home is on the hillside of the snow mountain. I live with my mother, brother and sister.
My father works in the next city and comes home every half month, driving his pickup truck. Arriving home on Friday night and leaving on Sunday night, the dinner on these two nights is the most sumptuous
.
It was Friday, the day of his return.
Mother put the gas stove on the table, and there was no room on the table. My sister jumped up with her books in her arms and said, “Mom, I’m still doing my homework!” The sound woke me up completely. There was another loud rumble
outside, and the snow on the other side of the roof was falling. I got up with a stretch and opened the curtain to look out.
Outside, it was dark, gray clouds were smouldering in the air, and the snow on the ground was gray. The way
up the mountain is hidden in the dense forest, and every morning someone treats it so that it is not covered with snow or ice, so the snow water winds along the way down the mountain. My brother and sister and I had chased the snow water
before, and it was very painful to fall. My sister once said,
“Snow water makes people slip because the friction becomes smaller.”. If the sun melts a layer of snow, the snow water will seep into the snow, and the friction between the snow and the mountain will also decrease, which is how avalanches come about.
Now that the snow has stopped, the headlights will appear at the end of the road in a short time.
“My father will be back soon, so I’ll clean up and get ready for dinner.” Mother sat the casserole on the gas stove and cooked several dishes.
I opened the curtain again and looked out at the road. The light at the end had not yet appeared, but the snowstorm suddenly came. The
cold wind rolled snow through the small windows that were not closed, and the things in the house were blown hunting and falling everywhere.
“Oh, it shouldn’t be!” The mother glanced out worriedly and slammed the window.
The window was cut like countless knives, so that nothing could be seen except snow. The wind howled outside the house, and sometimes there was a loud noise of falling branches, which sounded near and far, like the end of the world.
I nestled in my mother’s arms and sat around a small table with my brother and sister, arms touching arms. It was a dark night with bad weather
outside, and although the home was small, it could shelter from the wind and snow. The family sits together, which is warm and safe. In the middle of
the table is a potato stewed chicken casserole, with several small plates of stir-fried dishes squeezed on the side, including fried mutton, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, stewed radish and fried noodles with cabbage. The gas stove was still simmering the chicken, and there were only a few strands of heat left in the stir-fried dishes.
My brother uses his cell phone to check the weather. “This snow is too sudden. I hope my father won’t get stuck in traffic.”
Mother looked at her cell phone, but there was no answer. We continued to wait quietly, and I saw the milk in the cup slowly forming a skin.
The elder sister broke the silence. “The last time there was such a heavy snowfall, it was on the day Ah-sung was born.” I
heard I was born at home. It was also a sunny day that day, and some mountaineering tourists rested at my house and
continued to climb. Then there was a sudden snowstorm, and my father was worried that the tourist would get
lost and went up the mountain to look for it. The pregnant mother was in a hurry at home, and she was about to give birth
.
Too late to go to the hospital, can only be born at home, brother and sister can not help, just waiting for his
father to come home. When
my mother was dying of pain, my father finally came back and found the climber
. The climber happened to be a nurse. My father saved her, and she saved my mother
and me. After
delivering the baby, she gave me a bath and said, “This boy is really good-looking.” My
life has experienced twists and turns since I was born, so it’s no wonder that I still rely on my mother at the age of ten. I
drilled into my mother’s arms. “Make a phone call,” said the
elder brother.
“Affect his driving.” Mother put her arms around me and patted me. “Ah Song, go to sleep first.”. Father
will be back in a few minutes. Then
I took a nap.
Time goes by minute by minute, I don’t know how long it has been.
Ding Ding, purine..
There’s a cell phone ringing. There’s always someone to pick me up, and I go back to sleep, but-
Ding Ding, purine.. When
I opened my eyes, the house was warm and quiet, and the stove had been turned off. My
cell phone kept ringing, everyone was dozing at the table, and I pushed my mother to wake up.
It’s my father’s phone. My brother and sister also woke up.
“He’s already up the mountain, but the gas has run out, the car broke down on the way, and now the road is blocked by
snow.”
Mother hung up the phone, very worried.
“What should I do? Send oil to my father?” My sister opened the curtain and looked out.
My brother went to the garage with a flashlight, and several diesel barrels were empty. When
my mother called back, there was a long beep, but my father couldn’t
get in touch with her. There was a vast expanse of snow and ice outside the
house. Wrapped in a blanket, I stood
at the door of my house and looked out. The wind and snow were lighter.
At this time, suddenly there is a strong desire to burst out. I ran out into
the snow.
“Ah Song!” The elder sister shouted behind her, and she stamped her feet in the same place and ran out, “Well,
go and find your father.” If you can’t
send oil, the family should be reunited in the cold night. Mother quickly locked the door and chased out with her brother and sister. The four of
us groped for the road that had been blocked by the blizzard and walked down the hill.
I took the initiative to run out of the house for the first time-
hmm? No, I vaguely remember another time not long ago, I sneaked out of the house alone, but I can’t remember what I did.
I walked so fast that my mother, brother and sister could not keep up with me.
I used to be a lazy child, this time should also be greedy for the warmth of home do not want to go out, even if the door should be behind the family, because this is a very deep night.
Both timid and dependent on his mother. Almost every night, I need my mother to hold me and listen to her voice in order to reduce the fear of the night and fall asleep. I have never rushed ahead like this.
But tonight it is strange that some strong desire suddenly attacks me and makes me walk faster and faster. The
snow was getting smaller and smaller, but the sky was still grey, and the woods were filled with persistent fog.
“Mom, how far is it?” I asked.
Mother did not answer, and I forgot to wait for the answer. His legs were cold enough to freeze in the ground at any time, but he still moved forward stiffly.
Squeak, squeak.
The snowstorm stopped and the world was quiet except for the sound of footsteps. The clouds in the
sky dispersed a little, the moon was half bright, but the fog in the woods was more dense. After walking for more than hour, a flickering taillight appeared in front of him.
“I saw Dad’s car!” I quickened my pace and ran forward. “Mom, brother and sister, come quickly!”
Creak, creak, the frequency increases. In the
vast world, the pickup truck was embedded in the snow, the fog in the forest came out, the margin vaguely delineated a horizon, except for the car, everything else became a strange and high shadow behind the fog.
First the taillight, then the rear of the car, and then the license plate. There were two black branches in the car hopper, and the roof was dented a little, but it was not a big problem. I ran to the front of the car.
“Dad!” I grabbed my rearview mirror, stepped on my feet, and climbed up with difficulty. “We’re coming for you!” There was frost and snow on the
car window, so I couldn’t see inside. I was about to wipe it with my hand, but suddenly I had a strange feeling.
If you wipe off the snow now and look into the window, what will you see? Could it be Dad?
The heart seems to have run away for a long time, and now it returns to the chest, and gradually the heart beats like a drum.
I stretched out my fingernails and scraped the snow on the window one by one.
“Ji –” sharp and hard to hear.
My sister hates this sound. Every time I scraped the frost on the window with my fingernails, she would
immediately jump up and say, “Ah Song, don’t scrape!” My sister didn’t stop me
this time.
He scraped three times, revealing a small gap that allowed only one eye to pass through. I
tried to hold my breath, but my ears were filled with the sound of panting and pounding.
Close to the gap, look inside, in front of a few seconds, to adapt to the light inside. It was dark in the
carriage, the co-pilot was carrying his father’s bag and umbrella, and the pendant on the rearview mirror was shaking
.
The main driver was empty and there was no one in the car.
Dad’s gone. Clutching the closed car door,
I turned around and said, “Mom, Dad is gone..”
Behind him was a vast expanse of snow and fog, and behind the fog was a strange and tall shadow of trees. Perhaps
because of the refraction of the light, they look thin and long, and the branches are divided into countless
stubble and stand upright.
No response. Mother, brother and sister, all gone.
I jumped out of the car, circled around the car twice, and climbed into the hopper to look inside.
“Where are you?” I asked loudly, looking around. The voice was swallowed up by the fog, and there was no echo.
I jumped out of the car and squeaked. Is the world so quiet.
I knelt on the snow, slowly pressed my body down, pressed my left face against the icy snow, and looked under the car.
Then he kept this action and began to cry. How thin the footsteps were
just now. On the way here, I don’t know when the sound of “creaking” and “creaking” footsteps started, and I was the only one. So I walked alone in the snowy night for more than hour.
But I’m sure they followed, and I remember my mother locking the door. If we find my father, we will leave the car here first, and the family will go back to have a reunion dinner, even though the food is cold.
But it was not found, and even his mother, brother and sister were missing. The
night was deeper, the snow began to fall again, and the surrounding emptiness seemed to be pulled out of the original world. The road is hidden in the fog and snow, and I can’t recognize the direction.
I sat on the snow, close to the tires of the car, breathing white air. I can’t stop crying.
“Ah Song.” Suddenly there was a sound behind my ears, soft and thin.
“Ah.” I quickly turned around.
“Asong..” The sound is far away. Recognizing that it was my sister,
I immediately got up and ran a few steps in her direction. “Sister,
where have you been?”? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!
“We’re right here. Asong, come here..” The voice came from the trees, but the fog
was thick and I couldn’t see her.
“But Dad’s car is here..”
“Let’s find Dad together. Come on..” It became clear where the
voices were coming from. They were over there. As
I walked in the direction of the sound, I looked forward forcefully, but no matter how I looked, I could not see
through the fog. There was a figure in the
distance, which was hard to distinguish. I walked far away, surrounded by trees and fog
, and looked back at the truck, unable to see clearly.
I stopped.
“Ah Song, come quickly..” Said the shadow in the mist. I said, “I can’t see you..”
“Take a closer look..” The human form was gradually revealed in the fog
ahead, and it was the outline of my sister. So I took
a few more steps.
The figure waved at me, and the wind grew stronger, blowing the fog.
“Asong, come quickly..”
I stopped.
“No,” I backed up. “I’d better go back to my father’s car.”
I turned around, stared at the footprints, and ran back.
“Asong..”
I bit my lip and wished I could close my eyes. It turned out that the story my mother told was not
made up.
That’s not my sister. The
cold wind was blowing in my ears, and the road in the woods was rugged, so I rolled and crawled.
Behind her was a light and thin rustle, the shadows of the trees on both sides were shaking, the wind and fog were flowing fast from
back to front, and she followed! I
cried and ran as fast as I could, not daring to look back. I ran back to the pickup truck, pulled the door handle hard, and pulled it open. I quickly climbed into the main
driver’s seat and slammed the door shut. The wind
outside began to whine again, and I hugged my knees tightly and curled up on my side in the driver
‘s seat, trying to lower myself again and again.
Out of the corner of my eye, I stared at the window. There was a small gap in the window sealed by snow and frost,
which I had scraped out with my nails before.
“Ah Song..” Song, where have you been? Sister’s voice is getting closer and closer.
A dark shadow came in, climbed onto the roof of the car, stretched very thin and very long, and rowed
from one end of the roof to the other.
Then around to the other side, the slender shadow from the roof of the car, to this end.
The shadow stopped at the car door again, and I stared at the gap.
“Asong..”
“No..” I groaned under my breath.
One eye slowly approached the window gap from the outside. The
black, bottomless eyes belong to my sister.
Her eyes first looked straight ahead, slowly looked around the car, and then slowly moved down
. From top to bottom,
she squinted at the main driver’s seat and stopped moving. She’s looking at me. My heart stopped beating. The
elder brother’s voice rang out, “Ah Song, are you in the car?” The
second shadow followed, from one end to the other. The two shadows crossed and separated
, and were walking back and forth around the car.
I gasped for breath for a while, then covered my mouth and cried, then gasped for breath for a while. The cold
begins to attack from the soles of the feet.
“Ah Song, is Dad in the car, too?” Mother’s voice.
“Come out, we’re going home for dinner..”
No, mother, brother, sister, clearly disappeared, how can it appear
again out of thin air. The sound outside is not theirs! The
sound stopped and I held my breath.
Then a hand suddenly took hold of my ankle.
“No!” I kicked and screamed, and then my mouth was covered.
I stared and fainted, only to find that the car door had not been opened. A pair of equally fearful eyes appeared in
front of him, and he slowly
stretched his head out from under the driver’s seat. How
to describe this strange scene? Father has been hiding under the main driver’s seat! I knew my father was small, but he shouldn’t have crooked his neck and hunched his back in such a twisted
position in a dark and claustrophobic space.
But his hands were warm, and he whispered, “Ah Song, don’t make a sound.”
“It will pass, it will pass. Now, don’t make a sound..”
I nodded and he released me. There was a howling wind outside the
car, and the snow was getting heavier, beating on the doors and windows. Out of the corner of my eye was the shadow of the roof
, and they were wandering outside the car.
I grabbed my father’s hand and kept crying, gradually feeling sleepy. For
a long time, I had to be coaxed to sleep by my mother, but now my mother was gone, and I
was in a dream. The
dream replayed the moment I saw the car. Small trucks in the vast snow, first
the taillights, then the rear of the car, then see the license plate, then-
but why first see the rear of the car, why the front of the car toward the foot of the mountain.. Didn’t the
father break down on the way up the mountain?
It’s better to say that this night’s experience is a dream. I had to be coaxed to sleep by my mother
all the time. When she was
five years old, her mother said, “Ah Song, you are a big child. You must learn to sleep by yourself.” Left the room.
I opened my eyes in the dark and looked out of the window at the swaying shadows of the trees. I couldn’t sleep in any case, so I cried for my mother. My mother finally relented.
After that, every year, every day, when the night came, my mother would hug me, sing to me and coax me to sleep. Sometimes she would talk to me and tell me how much she loved me. A
few nights ago, my mother suddenly whispered in my ear, “What if my father doesn’t want us?”
“What if Dad never comes back?”
These words appear in the gap between reality and dreams, and I can’t say whether they are true or not. I don’t know what to do.
I just want to have a mother, but I don’t want my mother to be sad.
I keep regurgitating the past in my dreams.
「…… The car broke down on the way. I didn’t have enough oil at home, so I didn’t fill it up. I wanted to stick to the foot of the mountain and add it again, but there was a snowstorm on the way. It all happened so suddenly. Our family was so happy.
“I go home every half a month, get home on Friday night, and leave on Sunday night..”
Yes, my family had dinner last night, and I’m going to drive back to work in the city. “My youngest son depends on me, and he doesn’t want me to leave at this time. This time he
sneaked into my car and hid under the passenger seat. I didn’t find out until halfway down the hill.”
“Comrade policeman, I really didn’t expect that the snow was too heavy last night, so there was an avalanche
..”
Avalanche. When I heard the word in my sleep, my heart began to ache. Not long after
I left, my wife and children died in a natural disaster. Had it not been for my youngest
son Asong sneaking into the car and following me to escape, I
would have been the only one left in our family of five.
It was the father who spoke.
When I opened my eyes, it was a hospital. There were many people in the ward, including the father, the police, the doctor, the nurse
, and so many people who could not see their faces clearly.
But there was a man in the crowd whose appearance was clear.
Her eyes are very beautiful, the end of the eye is raised, and the eyebrows are slightly wrinkled. She looked at me tenderly.
I fixed my eyes on the woman. It seems like a long time ago that I met her.
The crowd gradually dispersed and left the ward one by one. She stood where she was, and then she came to me
.
Closer and closer, she’s a nurse with a name tag on her chest that says “Miyuki.”. My
father held my hand. I didn’t move my head and looked at him sideways.
“Ah Song, you can live with your father in the city from now on.” The father’s eyes wandered. “Learn to forget, so you won’t suffer.”. Forget mother, brother, and sister.
I wasn’t aware of the loss. I haven’t figured out a lot of things yet, and I don’t have the energy to think about them for the time being. Last night, my father and I hid in the car all night. We suffered from the cold for a long time. We were all right. We just wanted to sleep. So I went back to sleep.
I thought the next time I woke up, I would wake up. I would lie on the small bed at home. Outside the window was the same snow mountain. My mother called me to have breakfast in the living room. I
woke up to my tenth birthday. There are balloons, toys and cakes in the
ward. Some strangers come to celebrate me. They are called social loving people. Father sat in the corner of the room and forced a smile.
They gathered around me and said, “Asong, don’t be sad. Everything is over. We should celebrate our birthdays happily in the future.”
So, dad, what’s going on. What happened
that night?
In my memory, it was Friday, my mother cooked dinner, and we waited for my father to come home after working outside for a week.
But there was a sudden snowstorm and my father’s car broke down on the road. We went down the mountain to look for my father, but on the way, my mother, brother and sister all disappeared. My father twisted his body and hid under the car seat.
But I learned from my father that it was Sunday and my father had spent the weekend at home. After
dinner, my father was ready to go back to work in the city, and I sneaked into my father’s car and went down the hill with him. Then a snowstorm broke out, the car broke down on the road, and there was an avalanche on the mountain. My mother, brother and sister died, and my father and I survived.
They are two kinds of development that have something in common, but their essence is quite different. What my father said was more realistic, because it was Sunday, there was an avalanche, and three close relatives really left me.
However, the feeling of walking in the snow that night was so real that I did not believe that my memory was disordered.
I didn’t believe that I would sneak into my father’s car and go with him. Because I am so dependent on my mother, I need my mother to coax me to sleep every night, how can I choose to leave. What the
father said was more realistic, but he also lied. On my
birthday, I was discharged from the hospital and my father took me back to his house in the city. There are pairs of slippers and towels in this house, because this is not my father’s home alone. He didn’t have much to say
about this. He just ushered me in and introduced me, saying, “This is Aunt Miyuki.”
Miyuki was cooking dinner. She leaned against the kitchen door and called softly, “Asong.”
Her appearance gives me a sense of distant familiarity. In the distant past, I seemed to lie in her arms and look at her face from the bottom up. “Long time no see.” She said, “We met the day you were born.”. So today
is also the 10th anniversary of our acquaintance.
I see. People’s memory is so wonderful, I just saw her on the day I was born,
and I planted the seeds of memory, and I still feel familiar today.
But that doesn’t get in the way of the fact that I should hate her. I
have been living on the snow mountain, with my mother, brother and sister,
isolated from the world. It was not until the beginning of this day that the real world was revealed to me
.
For a ten-year-old whose world view is beginning to take shape, it is too cruel.
And the father went on to say, “Mom gave you your first life, and Aunt Miyuki gave you your second
.”. That year, when she went to climb the mountain, there was also a sudden snowstorm. Dad saved
aunt in the snow, and aunt saved mom and you. And she gave you a bath.
It’s too cruel. Tell me this. How can I hate her in the future.
Miyuki smiles and says, “At that time, Auntie praised you for your good looks, but when I look at you again today, Auntie’s
eyes are really right.”
Miyuki cooked a sumptuous dinner, with a chicken casserole stewed with potatoes, steaming over a gas stove
. I sat at the table.
“Was that dinner real?” I say.
“What dinner?” On the night
of the snowstorm, my mother cooked dinner. She also made stewed chicken with potatoes.
“Ah Song, have you ever heard of the little match girl?” Miyuki said, “Before the little girl froze to death, she struck a match and saw the stove and the dinner.”
I see.
My father once met the frozen body of a traveler on a snowy mountain, with a smile on his face, bare upper body, and a strange but peaceful death.
Because a person who freezes to death will not feel pain, he will have a warm dream before he dies, which is even warm enough to make him take off his clothes and die with a smile.
“It’s a beautiful illusion, isn’t it?” Miyuki said. On the day I
came to my new home, I didn’t have dinner. I hid in my room and shivered in the quilt. Why was
I rescued in a car with my father? I should have died in a dream with my mother, brother and sister.
I kept praying in my heart, “Mom, please hold me, I want to have a good sleep.”.
So in the gap between reality and dreams, I really felt my mother’s temperature, heard her voice coaxing me, I slept peacefully, but the next moment my body jerked, struggling to escape.
I suddenly opened my eyes. It was night and a strange room. The cold white light of the road came through, and the shadow outside the window was cast on the ceiling. A woman with long hair stood at the head of the bed.
I screamed weakly.
“Ah Song, is the quilt enough?” Miyuki’s voice rang out in the darkness. “We didn’t eat dinner. Are you hungry?”
“I’m afraid.” I say.
“What are you afraid of?” Miyuki turned on the light and sat beside my bed. “Asong, it’s all over.”. Your aunt will take good care of you, just like your mother.
“I saw my mother,” I said, “and my brothers and sisters. They appeared on the way down and walked around Dad’s car. But it is clear that they died at home.
“Really?”
True, but that’s not them. I’ve heard of a monster called Shanmei, who plays nasty jokes on people.
When I was ten years old, I heard too many strange stories and fairy tales, but I could not see through the trend of reality. On that snowy night, what was real and what was illusory?
If that night, I already knew that my mother, brother and sister had passed away, when the illusion of mountain charm appeared, would I still run away?
No, even if you are afraid, even if you are cheated, you should look at them again. The first new home in
memory, in fact, only lived for a short period of time. Later, I moved into a bigger house with my father and Miyuki. The
disaster also brought a windfall, which came from insurance.
Sometimes I wonder, not without malice, if all this is a conspiracy.
Of course, the father could not manipulate natural phenomena, but he was not innocent. Going home every half a month is a burden for him. He wants to stay in the city forever and really start a new life.
When he drove down the mountain, would he be a little bit expecting the coming of natural disasters? It’s been six years
since the accident. Now that I am sixteen years old, I understand that my father’s harmless lies were just a whitewash of his dereliction of duty and shame. On the night of the
storm, I didn’t sneak into my father’s car, and he didn’t want to take me away. The rumbling sound
outside the window was not the sound of snow falling from the roof, but the sound of an avalanche. I was buried in the cold abyss with my mother, brother and sister. I fainted in the snow and woke up in a dream. The
warm room and blanket, the potato stewed chicken casserole, the sister lying on the table doing homework, waiting for our father to come home for dinner, are all illusory, only out of the house is real. I
don’t know whether I was driven by a strong desire to survive or heard my mother’s call from above, but I woke up from an illusory dream, climbed up the snow, and walked alone through the long night road to find my father’s car. I
had always been a lazy and dependent child, and that time I rushed ahead, leaving my mother, brother and sister far behind. After
my mother passed away, I could not rely on her any more. In the dark night, I can sleep alone without her hugging me. But I often miss the old days sleeping peacefully in my mother’s arms.
People have to grow up.
I stood at the door of my present house. The brown and black door was wide and high, so heavy that it seemed to be pressing down on me at any time.
Miyuki opened the door from the inside and said with a warm smile, “Ah Song is back.”
Her appearance was not much different from that of six or even sixteen years ago, and she was still young and beautiful. She has just finished cooking dinner.
Now Miyuki has quit her job at the hospital, and her father has changed to a bigger truck. His job now is to transport the garbage on the snow mountain.
In recent years, probably because of the greenhouse effect, the snow on the snow mountain is getting thinner and thinner, and the old garbage is exposed, which is left by climbers.
Sometimes they throw away plastic bottles, plastic bags and other garbage, and sometimes they die and become garbage themselves.
It is the snow mountain where my home is located. The house destroyed by the avalanche has been repaired, and my father often passes by when he works, but I haven’t gone back to see it yet.
Now the home lighting is not good, the daily life is very dark, the entrance is the living room connected to the dining room, the end is a shady window. Father sat in the main seat of the table, and the table extending from his side to this side was so long that eight people could easily sit down.
At that time, the home and dining table on the snow mountain were too small. My brother and sister had to borrow the dining table to do their homework. When eating, a few dishes could fill the table.
But the home is always full of warm yellow light, always happy. I also often miss the time when I sat around a narrow table with my mother, brother and sister, and had dinner together, arms touching arms.
The dinner was sumptuous as usual, and the three of us sat on one side and did not talk. I knew Miyuki at the other end of the table was looking at me with her beautiful black eyes.
The heart pounded and began to overspeed. Without looking up, I stared at the nearest dish and finished it in two minutes.
“Won’t you eat any more?” Miyuki said disappointedly.
“No, Mom.” I say.
“That’s right, Dad.” I continued, “Take me with you when you go to work tomorrow.”
I want to go back to the snow mountain.
Mountain charm is a monster on the snow mountain, who likes to play pranks and create illusions by imitating and disguising. In short, please play a trick on me again, this time I will not run away, I would rather sleep in the illusion. Looking forward to
this, I did not dare to stay in the living room, quickly fled back to the room, closed the door, and leaned behind the door to calm the rapid heartbeat. Now the home is very big, too many twists and turns and corners, walking in the home, always at the next
corner, I saw Miyuki standing not far away watching me.
Every time my eyes meet her, she is watching me. It seems that she doesn’t exist in reality
, but at the end of my eyes.
Such a stepmother scares me. So I lived on campus until I had to go
home during the holidays, and then I just wanted to hide in my room.
In the evening, the night wind blew outside the window, and the shadows of the trees swayed. Outside the window of the city is quite different from that of the snow
mountain. The night in the city is darker, and the cold white road lights are weak
.
I turned over and wrapped the quilt tightly, but I felt a chill.
The wind continued to blow, the windows vibrated slightly, and the room was very quiet.
I closed my eyes tightly, pulled the quilt up, pulled it over my head, and heard my
panting and heartbeat again.
At that moment, a cold and slender hand reached in from the end of the bed and touched my foot.
I shrank like an electric shock and raised my head to look over there. A woman with long hair was crouching
at the end of the bed, and I could only see her head.
“Mom, there you go again..” My voice trembled.
Miyuki stood up slowly.
“I just came to see if you kicked off the quilt.”
Miyuki said softly and left.
Almost every day, every day I’m at home. I never told my father these things, after all, my father loved Miyuki deeply.
The next day, my father drove his big truck and took me to the snow mountain.
After many years, the road to the snow mountain has become wider. Looking into the distance on the mountain road, you can see the edges and corners of the mountain exposed from the snow layer. In recent years, there has been little heavy snow, and the snow is indeed much thinner than that of that year.
“I’ve always felt guilty.” My father said, “I wanted to be a good husband and a good father.”
I was aware of my father’s desire to talk, but I didn’t respond to him. I just looked at the snow mountain. I’ve seen the frozen bodies of climbers
before. They were pale, frosty, frozen, and laughing. It feels weird and desperate.
Why despair? They died happily. I say.
“Because they can’t get rid of the illusion of warmth, and this powerlessness is very desperate.” Father continued.
If you get rid of the illusion and wake up, there may be a chance of survival. But in the cruel world of ice and snow, no one can get rid of that illusion. They will sink into the illusion of warmth and happiness, and even take off their clothes to speed up the process of death.
I was silent. I climbed out of the snow because I heard my mother’s voice calling me, and she woke me up.
Sixteen years ago, Meixue came to climb the mountain. She stopped at our house to rest her feet and continued to climb, but there was a snowstorm. I didn’t have any other thoughts at the time, but I didn’t want another body to die like that, so I went to find her and brought her back. Father said.
“I didn’t think that I would fall in love with her later.”
I sneered and did not answer.
I know I was very negligent, but my father didn’t cause the disaster. Now my father is on the snowy mountains, and almost every day he finds a new corpse. Every time he finds one, I think of what your mother, brother, and sister looked like when they were dug out of the snow.
The father’s voice choked. “There is so little I can do now.”. What I can do is to repair our house and decorate it as before. May their souls rest in peace at home.
“Ah Song, after a while Dad goes to work, you can sit at home and see if it’s the same as before.”
My father dropped me off at the door of the house. I look at this room, and it’s exactly the same. A string of long ropes in front of the house was once used to hang air-dried chickens. The decoration of the
home is almost the same. It seemed that the next moment, my mother would come out of the kitchen, carry a casserole and put it on the small table. My sister was doing her homework on the desk. Seeing this, she jumped up and said, “Mom, I’m still doing my homework!”
It was as if the next moment, my brother would come out of the garage with a flashlight, walk into the house, and say, “The diesel is gone.”
I curled up on the sofa, covered myself with a blanket, hugged my body, and hoped that waking up would be such a warm scene.
But when I opened my eyes again, the light in the room was dark and cold, and it was almost dusk outside the window.
I walked out of the house and looked at the sky and the dense forest in the distance. Strands of sunset glow float in the sky, and the side of the snow mountain reflects the glow. The tired bird circled low and flew into the forest to return to its nest. There was a thick mist in the
woods. I took a step and walked firmly into it, concentrating on every tiny sound.
I don’t know how long I walked, but a figure appeared at the end of the fog. I finally wept with joy and ran faster and faster. Closer and closer
to the figure, the fog gradually dispersed, and I stopped.
It was my father. He stood there, turned at the sound, and stared at me.
He mumbled something indistinctly. I didn’t hear you. It was already dark, so I followed him to the car. On the way
down, he stopped talking. After that, he never spoke again. Neither Miyuki nor I have a clue why
my father suffers from aphasia. During the
whole winter vacation, I took my father to all the major hospitals. Doctors always ask, “What did your father see that day?”
I don’t know. I just know that his job is to transport the garbage on the snow mountain. He was at work that day, and I slept at home for a day.
Father seemed to have been pulled out of his soul and could not work. Miyuki takes good care of him and talks to him every day. She seems to care about him, but I can’t see her feelings in her eyes.
From six years ago to now, she always looks at her father with indifference. And every time she appeared at the end of my eyes, every time she stood behind the next corner and looked at me, I felt that she was a living person.
Father sat at home every day, looking at Miyuki, who was doing housework, staring at her for a while, shaking his head and looking away. After
this state lasted for some time, one night, my father came to my room crying and said that he didn’t want to sleep with Miyuki because he was afraid of her. Every night
after that, in my room, I pinched my father’s shoulder and pressed him, “What did you see that day?”
“What did you say to me in the woods?”
Why are you afraid of her? Is there something wrong with her?
In the end, I was stunned. I asked my father, “Did she do this?”? Did she harm our whole family? Every time my father was in tears, looking at me with his mouth open, his whole body was pushing hard, as if the
words were about to be blurted out.
But no matter how I shook his body, he couldn’t say it in the end. It’s like when he exports
, his whole world will collapse.
That night, my father exhausted all his strength and finally squeezed out two syllables with a big tongue,
“Back..” Home..
I was stunned for a moment, tears streaming down my face. “Okay, Dad, we’ll be home
first thing in the morning.” My nerves have been tense for
many days, and I am exhausted both physically and mentally. I coaxed my father to sleep, too
.
I really grew up, once in childhood, if there is no mother, how difficult it is
to sleep.
I fell asleep, and in the middle of the night, I woke up because of a slight noise. The father
beside him was sleeping, and there was no movement. The voice came from outside the door, appearing and disappearing
.
I sat up in the dark and looked out of the window at the moon. There were tiny catkins falling in the moonlight
. It was snowing. I got up suddenly. There’s a sound
outside the door.
I put on my clothes, got out of bed quietly, went to the door in the dark, and looked back at
my father. A hill rises on one side of the bed and rises and falls regularly with the frequency of breathing. Holding my breath,
I gently unscrewed the door handle. It was dark outside the
room, except for the faint moonlight on the ground. The voice came and went
, a little louder, as if someone was whispering. It
‘s just around the next corner.
I swallowed a mouthful of saliva and walked quietly around the corner, just around the next corner.
It’s getting closer. It’s like there’s a flickering light in the living room. Is the TV still on
.
Turning the next corner, the TV was on in the dark. There was no program, only a full screen of
snowflakes and a “rustling” busy tone. Shaking
in black and white, just like the snowstorm of the past.
It all happened in the middle of the night. On the opposite side of the TV, Miyuki turned her back to me and was
sitting on the sofa watching quietly.
I wanted to retreat, but my legs and feet were out of control, and I walked to the back of my long hair.
It seems to be a long way. Miyuki suddenly made a movement. She held the pillow in her arms and
shook it gently.
“Ah Song.” She said softly.
I stopped. “What if Dad doesn’t want us anymore?”
She chuckled and continued, “What
if Daddy never comes back?” I stood
where I was.
“Then don’t. Your mother will always be with you.” She answered gently.
It’s my mother’s voice. The
TV was full of snowflakes rustling and shaking. Miyuki, holding the pillow, stood up slowly and turned towards
me.
She watched me in the dark.
I covered my mouth and stepped back. “You, you are..”
“Ah Song, you don’t recognize me.” It’s my mother’s voice.
That day in the woods, at the end of the fog, my father stared at me, mumbling
something vaguely.
The past reappeared, his mouth slowed down, and I saw it.
The father said, “I didn’t get her back.”
“Sixteen years ago, Miyuki died in a snowstorm..”
“What I saved was another person who looked like her and had the same voice.”
My mother once told me the story of Mountain Charm, probably because it was so long ago that I only remember it. The mountain charm on the
snow mountain never takes the initiative to harm people, but likes to play pranks. It mimics sounds, disguises, and hallucinations. In winter,
it imitates the crowing of a rooster and lures people out to hunt. People see the shadow of a rooster in the distance, but they can’t catch it all the time. Eventually, it goes farther and farther in the snow until it gets lost. The
lost man was hungry, cold and frightened, so the mountain charm created a vision for him, in which there was a family, a stove and a sumptuous dinner. He died smiling in the warmth of a family dinner.
“Be careful of the dinner of the mountain charms.” My mother helped me tuck in the quilt and went to the door. “Ah Song, you are a big child now. In the future, you must learn to sleep by yourself.” Learn
to face everything alone. From tomorrow on, no matter how much you call your mother at night, she won’t come. Mother closed my door.
……
“Sixteen years ago, Miyuki died in a snowstorm..”
“What I saved was another person who looked like her and had the same voice.”
…… I understood that when my father was working in the snow mountain that day, he met the corpse
of the real Miyuki.
So who has been with my father for so many years? Who was the man who hugged me and coaxed me to sleep
in the countless nights after my
mother closed my door?
“Ah Song, don’t you recognize me?” Miyuki came up to me. You forget that she hasn’t been in your room since you were five
years old. Every night you sleep peacefully in my
arms.
She came up to me, raised her hand and touched my hair, and I fell into her arms.
She took me to the sofa, put her arms around me and touched me gently, and talked to
me in a voice that coaxed me to sleep.
I cried in her arms, and I said, “You did it, you brought the avalanche
.” The night of
the snowstorm, the stolen father, the dead mother, brother and sister
, the lost home..
“No,” Miyuki said. “It’s you.”
“Not me!” I shook my head desperately, trying to throw out the memories that were gradually returning
, but those memories became clearer and clearer, “Not me!”! It was you who hurt me. It was you
. But, ah, the mountain charm never hurts people. It only bewitches people. The night before the snow
storm, she hugged me and coaxed me to sleep like this.
She whispered in my ear, “Dad is leaving tomorrow, Asong.”
“What if Dad never comes back?”
“Mom, don’t be sad..” I answered her in my dream, “If Daddy doesn’t want to
come back, I won’t let him go tomorrow.”
“Yes, Asong, what should we do?”
“Mom, what are we going to do?”
That night, I got dressed, got out of bed, walked out of the room, walked out of the house, walked past the
row of dead air-dried chickens, and came to the garage.
“Ah Song, stay away from me,” she said, “so my father won’t find out. Let’s
go to the top of the mountain..
Sleepwalkers have unlimited potential. All night long, I carried the diesel barrels back and forth five or six times,
one after another, to the top of the mountain, and poured them all out until the sky was dim before returning to
bed.
It wasn’t me.. It wasn’t me.. I shook my head in her arms and burst into tears. My
brother and sister and I used to chase the snow water down the mountain.
The elder sister said, “Snow water makes people slip because the friction becomes smaller.”. If the sun melts a layer of snow, the snow water will seep into the snow, and the friction between the snow and the mountain will become smaller.
Avalanches are like the butterfly effect. Snow water trickles and moistens things silently. Sometimes there is a small crack in the snow, and sometimes you shout at the mountain, and there is a big disaster.
Sister, the snow water is not the most slippery.
Oil is the most slippery.
This is the biggest joke that life has ever played on me.
My father was suffering from aphasia. He tried his best, but all he could say was, “Back..” Home.. So the next day, Miyuki took me and my father in the direction of the snow mountain.
I sat in the car and looked out of the window. People, cars, roads and trees go backwards, and the street scenes of the city pass by one by one, just like going back in time.
At a certain moment, the window suddenly opened up and turned into a suburb, and after a while, it turned into a snow-capped mountain. It would be nice if time was really going back.
“Ah Song, talk to your mother.” Miyuki said.
I gave a low laugh and shook my head. “No, you’re not mom.”
“You are not a man. You have no heart.” I said, “You only know how to play pranks and make fun of people’s lives.” With a wry smile
, Miyuki began to chatter.
I have imitated too many people, imitating their voices and faces, but I have never really experienced human life.
“I have created countless warm illusions of having dinner with my family, and I have looked on coldly with mischievous thoughts, but in my long life I have gradually begun to think about a problem.” Is
such a scene really happy? Is it true that eating with family can make people willing to sink until their lives are gone?
I’ve been thinking about this question for too long, and I can’t find the answer. Because from the very beginning I have lived alone on these snowy mountains, without a home or a family.
“So that day, I just wanted to go to the human family on a whim, but I got myself into it.”
This home is exactly what I look forward to, a warm human family. Sixteen years ago, I held you in my arms and bathed you when you were just born. I thought to myself: It’s not bad to be a human being. When I awaken to human emotions, I want more.
At first I only dared to peep at you outside the window, but you were so scared that you cried. From then on, you needed your mother to coax you to sleep every night. Then she stopped coaxing you, and I dared to go into your room and imitate your mother to coax you to sleep, and I repeated this for many years. Getting close to your father is a necessity, because my desire for a human family is
growing. I don’t want to create the illusion of dinner anymore. I want to really make dinner for you. I don’t want to
just see you at night. I want you to be my child and be with you day and night.
“For this reason, I have been trying to imitate.”
Miyuki said, turning her head and looking at
me with her beautiful black eyes, “Now I have become a human being.”. I am flesh and blood, and my heart will ache and I will
die. When
we arrived at our home in the snow mountain, it was already dark, and the sky was slowly drifting with fine snow.
Miyuki went on to say, “However, I have not yet experienced the warmth of a human family.
I have not yet experienced a dinner scene as warm as an illusion.”
“Because of Ah Song, you never want to eat a good meal cooked by your mother.” I will not respond to
this.
Father went to the room to rest, Miyuki went to the kitchen to cook, and I hid in my room.
After a while, Miyuki knocked at the door. “Ah Song, it’s time for dinner.”
I stood behind the door, silent.
“Asong..” From the other side of the door came Miyuki’s sobs. “Come out and have dinner with your mother
.”
I shook my head and pressed hard against the back of the door, still silent. Miyuki knocked on the door for a long time and finally gave up. I leaned against the door and heard the sound of her throwing away the food
.
I cried quietly for a long time in my room. From last night to now, I seem to have dried up all the tears I have accumulated over the
years. Late
at night, voices were heard in the living room.
I suddenly woke up, opened the door and went out. The scene in front of me made my eyes wide
open.
It was dark, the room was full of yellow lights, and the air was warm and dry.
My sister threw the book aside, took the gas stove and put it on the table. Mother brought a
casserole from the kitchen. My brother turned up the heater. In the middle of
the table is a potato stewed chicken casserole, with several small plates of stir-fried dishes squeezed on the side, including
fried mutton, scrambled eggs with tomatoes, stewed radish and fried noodles with cabbage.
Mother, brother and sister sat together at a small table, arms touching arms, waiting
quietly.
“When will Dad and Asong come back?” Brother, break the silence.
My sister said, “Mom, I’m hungry.” “Wait a little longer,” said the
mother. “They’re stuck in traffic.”
I couldn’t help but walk over, hold out my hand, and shout, “Mom.” They can’t hear me, they can’t see me.
I turned my head sideways and looked at Miyuki in the corner. She watched the scene quietly all the time. “Did you do it?”
I asked coldly.
She shook her head. “No.”
“When night falls, they appear.” Miyuki said, “They went down the mountain
to look for you and your father, but you hid in the car and didn’t go with them.”
For so many years, they have been waiting for their lost relatives to come home.
I nodded and suddenly understood something. Suddenly I jumped for joy and went to the kitchen.
“Ah Song, what are you going to do?” Miyuki, follow me.
I took a knife from the kitchen and went to my father’s room.
“Ah Song, stop!” Miyuki stood in front of me with a frightened look on her face. “You’re not allowed to do that
!”
I killed my mother, my brother, and my sister, and now I have two more, and it doesn’t matter. I
am no longer a man. I pulled the corners of my mouth and said to Miyuki with a smile, “You have become a human being.”
Then you can be a man. I’m no longer a human being.
You can’t do this.. You can’t do this to me.. Miyuki came crying to grab the knife. “What do you want
me to do, Asong? My heart hurts. I’ll die without you.” Asong, please
don’t do this. I shook my head with a smile, staggered her, went into my father’s room, and closed the door heavily.
“Dad.”
“Mom called us home for dinner..”
At the end
of the snowstorm night, my mother had prepared dinner, and the house was full of warm heating.
Mother, brother and sister sat around a small table, arms touching arms, looking at a table of dishes in front of them
, waiting quietly. There
was a knock at the door.
“They’re back!” My sister cheered to open the door and welcomed my father and me.
The father patted the snow on his body and took off his overcoat. The elder brother took it and said, “Go into
the house and warm up.”
“Why don’t you eat first?” My father went to the table and lifted the lid of the casserole.
“It smells good. What did Mom cook?”
“Stewed chicken with potatoes.” Mother turned on the gas stove with a smile, continued to simmer the chicken, picked up
the stir-fried dishes on the table, and planned to go back to the kitchen for a pot.
When the food was served again, the family had a reunion dinner.
At that moment, the knock on the door sounded again. “Asong, go and open the door.” I
am ten years old, and I am still very timid. I hesitated to go to the door and looked back at my
family, but I didn’t dare to open the door.
“Song, open the door.” My mother encouraged me, “It’s too cold and it’s snowing.”.
At this time, people who have no home are very pitiful.
I nodded and opened the door.
It was an aunt who was climbing the mountain. She said cautiously, “May I come in?”? I’m
cold and I’m hungry. When
she looked at my face and said these words, she burst into tears.
