We got to know each other by sharing a house. One day, he came out without clothes after taking a shower. I saw him. Now I think he must have done it on purpose.
I am female, sharing a house with the opposite sex.
My landlady cheated me. She gave in to being able to collect the rent a few days earlier and found me a big man to be my roommate.
But when my roommate of the opposite sex first appeared in the living room with my aunt, my three views completely followed my five senses. The height of
185, the shoulders are still so broad, the legs are still so straight, and the other side can even wear a polar fleece jacket with a little fashion sense.
Mom, look at the child born by other aunts. Look at you again. Having been
single for 25 years, I can’t help but look forward to the beautiful picture of our intimate relationship in the future.
As a result, my dream of the North Fifth Ring Road was broken that night.
It turns out that what I share is not the opposite sex, but a couple! Since 9 P. m., there has been a different noise coming from the bedroom next door.
Nine-year compulsory education tells me that the rhythm and rhythm are not simply turning over.
I put my hands on my forehead and shouted, “Oh, my God!”! What handhands, loudlouds
. An
hour and a half later, the drama finally ended.
At this time, there is only one classic saying of Lu Xun in my mind.
“The joys and sorrows of human beings are not the same. I just think they are noisy.” When I went to work
the next day, I stood in the living room
and shivered all over just looking at the door from a distance. He ran to work with
a whoosh.
The roommate’s surname is Ma, so let me call him Brother Ma
. Beijing drifters who have
shared a house all know that roommates
don’t deal with each other except for sharing the bathroom.
So I haven’t seen Ma’s girlfriend since he moved here.
Then the Spring Festival holiday came, and I couldn’t see this girlfriend. As a result, when I returned to Beijing after the holiday, God gave me the opportunity to have a very
close contact with this couple.
Because. Working from home.. Everyone
is happy because of the rare laziness, while I am going to spend 7 * 24 hours
with the couple next door. On my first day
at home, a conflict broke out between me and the greasy couple.
Because I have diarrhea. The people in the toilet just couldn’t get out
of the shower when
my shit went straight to my forehead.
At that time, I carried my anus around the bedroom several times, and I almost pulled my pants.
By the end, I was already staring at the litter box.
Tofu cat litter is super absorbent, the effect of agglomeration is very good, and the ability to absorb odor is also good.
The size and width are also quite appropriate.
I don’t want.. No one saw it
anyway.
Just as I slowly walked to the litter box step by step, click! The bathroom door is open
! The big brother finally came out!
I’ll do it right now!
Clamp!
Get the paper!
Open the door!
Run!
When I rushed out as fast as I could, I saw Brother Ma walking slowly, his wet
hair dripping with water, and one hand was cleaning his ears with a cotton swab.
“You finally came out..”
But when I rushed to the bathroom door, I quickly came to a Jerry brake.
The bathroom light was not turned off, the door was closed, and the inside was foggy. Is there anyone
in there who hasn’t come out?
His girlfriend is still washing?
So, this is just a bath?!
yue！
At this moment, I can’t move a centimeter. The roll of paper in my hand has been pinched out by me, and the bad gas is also clamoring endlessly. I
stand on the wall and dare not move. If I do one more action, my lower abdomen will react violently.
Jesus Christ!
I held my breath and dared not relax. My stomach was still wriggling for a while, and tears came out of
my eyes.
Five minutes later, the bathroom was still as quiet as a chicken.
I had already turned to use the litter box, but Brother Ma leaned against the bedroom door and said three words to me
:
“I’m ready.”
I know you’re ready, but it’s useless!
“I’m really ready.”
Some people just have no vision, and they have to repeat it for the second time.
“I’m all cleaned up. Aren’t you going?”
I rely on, this person still dares to ask the third time, I do not fry hair is not sorry for this couple
?!
“Big brother, you have a hammer to use!” “You two are really good together!” How can I get there if
your girlfriend doesn’t come out of the bathroom? Ah I’m going to die. After roaring
hard, “Shit Life” is already at the gate.
Then he looked at the man opposite, with a blank and twisted face.
“No, wait a minute.”
Don’t wait!
Wait for me to die!
“Well, can you let your girlfriend out first?”
“Girlfriend?”
Yes, your girlfriend! Couple! Lover! lover！」
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
woc？？？
Is it..?!
Boyfriend.. It doesn’t matter. Can you let him come out quickly?
I said the gnashing of teeth, the desire to kill a person’s heart has never been so strong. “What a mess.”
Brother Ma said as he walked toward the bathroom step by step. He opened the bathroom
door with a bang and looked inside with a confused look on his face.
“No one!”
I moved behind him and peeked in.
No one! There
‘s really no one!
Oh, my God, your grandma’s chicken legs!
I pushed Brother Ma out with my backhand, closed the door, took off my pants and squatted down.
At one go.
When I came back to life easily, I found Brother Ma standing in the doorway.
He put his hands in his pockets and looked at me solemnly.
“Why do you say I have a girlfriend?”
“Maybe it’s a wave produced by the vibration of the object that tells me.”
“What?” “Brother Ma, let’s not close the bathroom after using it next time, or I won’t know if you and your
girlfriend are in there.”
As a result, his face became more solemn.
“Come, come, come.”
Then he took me to his room. What
are you doing? I’m not going!!! My
ass sank and I kept retreating.
“Come and see.” What
am I looking at? I’m not looking! What are you showing me in your little nest of love?
Brother Ma pushed open the door of his bedroom in front of me.
？？？
No one?
Did you hide in the kitchen?
“Where’s your girlfriend?”
“I live alone.”
What？ What’s that noise every night? Clam ~ I get it! Is it not a real person?
Brother Ma sighed deeply and shook his head.
“Hey..” The landlord’s aunt only said that there was a girl living there, but she didn’t expect to be so silly.
“What?”
“That’s because the landlord bought a bad bed!”
“I roll over and it rings.”
“Doing a belly curl is even louder!”
Brother Ma is the front-end developer of a company.
He has simply refreshed my stereotype of programmers.
Baldness is probably my biggest misunderstanding about them. They can also work out! Another misunderstanding I have about them is that they
are not good at talking, because when they are angry with people,
I am afraid to see blood when I listen to them.
Come on, let me restore his conversation with the product.
Brother Ma: “Have you changed your demand again?”
The other side: “This is not mentioned by the operator!” Brother Ma: “Come on, who did you copy this time?”
The other side: “Harm, embrace the change.”
I stood in the living room with the cat in my arms and listened in a trance. When the hell can I chat with clients
like this.
If the client says, “I don’t feel this idea, think of another one.”
Then I said, “Well, I suggest you look for your own problems first. Everyone else has feelings,
but you don’t. Are you hemiplegic?”
And then I-pawn.
I wronged my mother. Brother Ma is better looking than me, probably because of his
own efforts.
Living together for nearly a month, I have hardly seen him eat what I usually eat. People don’t touch
snail and lion noodles, rice noodles, or hamburgers.
Every day is boiled chicken breast, boiled broccoli, boiled sea white shrimp, boiled eggs,
and steamed brown rice. This water boils the whole family bucket. Not only did
he eat by himself, but he had to take me with him.
Looking at his beautiful face, I couldn’t say “no” at all, so I could only cooperate with
him to play the scene. Just now, it took me about a minute to chew
down a piece of tasteless broccoli and look at Brother Ma with a bitter face.
“Brother Ma, can we change the food for dinner today? I really can’t eat these
.”
“Well, I’ll make you a nice soup.”
“Uh-huh!”
I spent the whole afternoon looking forward to it, and even became more attentive to my clients. At seven o’clock in the
evening, the soup was served.
Looking at the “delicious soup” in the bowl, I felt acid reflux in my stomach and even trembled
all over my body.
In front of him was a big bowl of tomato and egg soup.
Tomatoes, yes. Eggs, yes.
But why is the soup transparent? Shouldn’t the
soup be red?
“Brother Ma, I don’t know how to cook, but I’ve had tomato and egg soup
.”
I pointed to the big bowl of dull soup and said feebly. “I’m sure they’re not this color.”
“That’s the color. They put ketchup on it.”
“Then can we also..”
“No.”
“Brother Ma, I..”
Brother Ma took out his iPad and clicked on a video called “Two catties of Jingtiao, fried chicken giblets,
a pot of noodles”, which was placed in front of me.
“Look at this and you won’t be hungry.”
？？？ Who helped you come up with the conclusion that
“you won’t be hungry if you look at this”? Detective Kogoro
?
“Drink it. I didn’t even put MSG in it. You have to eat it like a big Sao.”
With that, Brother Ma raised his eyebrows and showed a smile of watching the scene of bustle. He pushed the big bowl of white
tomatoes in front of me and motioned me to hurry up.
I took a deep breath and, with my trembling hands, brought the bowl of “delicacy” to my
trembling lips and drank it with tears.
Brother Ma did not deceive me, and as expected, the soup was fast and delicious after watching that video. Because. Every time I swallow saliva, I can swallow two more soups.
Seeing me finish drinking, Brother Ma smiled with satisfaction.
“If you eat like this for half a year, you should lose five catties.”
What? Half a year?
Under the perseverance and faith of Brother Ma.
I succeeded in becoming a.. A pure natural, pollution-free, organic, healthy but hungry
girl. During the month of getting along with each other
day and night, it must be because of the single dog’s sympathy for the single dog
that I am more and more inseparable from Brother Ma.
Eating and drinking are all related to him except sleeping.
Even after working from home, I habitually reported my whereabouts to him. First day
at work: “Brother Ma, I work overtime at night, so I don’t have to wait for dinner!” On the second day of
work: “Brother Ma, can I eat fried cabbage?” On the third day of
work: “Brother Ma, I want to drink milk tea, pure milk and pure tea!”
And Brother Ma would send me a message every morning: “XXX breakfast in the pot,
heat it before eating.” This unexplained relationship ended at 8:30 on a Friday night.
The company had an urgent plan to write. I told Brother Ma that I had to work overtime, but less than half an hour
later, the company had a power outage. I
can only go home with the PPT that I expected to write more than 100 pages, but now I only wrote Thanks
. I was so careful every step of the way
home.
It seems that as long as you can’t get home! I don’t have to face it!
Ding, the elevator door opens. There are still 12 steps
to face the cruel life.
The “click” security door opens. There are still eight steps
to face the cruel life.
“Bang” walked into the living room. There are still seven steps
to face the cruel life.
……
…… After
entering the room. The scene in front of me made me unable to walk any more.
Brother Ma, he actually carried me behind his back.
He came out of the shower without wearing clothes behind my back!
In front of me, an attractive male carcass suddenly appeared.
The pectoral muscle is the pectoral muscle, the abdominal muscle is the abdominal muscle, on the pectoral muscle also hangs several mischievous small water drops!
Although I have seen the figure of Tao Zong in Captain America 1 and the figure of Pumbaa
in Evil Prevails over Good.
Mom, it’s definitely the first time in my life
that it’s so close, steaming and fresh.
I thought I would scream shyly.
But I didn’t!
I thought I would blush and have a heartbeat.
But neither did I!
I just couldn’t take my eyes off it, I didn’t squint, I was stunned. He
even wanted to reach out and help him wipe off the little drop of water. And when my eyes continue to go down, I am even more. Stupefied.
This good-looking body is only wearing a white boxers.
I thought I could finally scream.
But why didn’t I!!!
As a result, the carcass in
front of him screamed, “Ah!”.
“Where are you looking!!!”
Then he wrapped the bath towel in his hand around his waist and deliberately turned his back and took a
step away from me.
This voice made me suddenly come to my senses.
Can only subconsciously “cough” two cover.
When my sanity finally returned, I straightened up and replied
, “I can’t look where I’m not wearing clothes. Look where I’m wearing them!”
Then I flashed into my room.
Cut!
As long as I am not embarrassed, the other side is embarrassed! After a while, the smell finally returned outside the door, and a loud shout burst out:
“Damn it!”! Come out, you!
I’m not going out!
I can’t let you see my big monkey ass face turning red now! In
this hour, I can’t concentrate on writing the plan at all.
After watching dozens of episodes of “Underwear Shooting, Girls don’t Enter”, “Muscle Male Model Show”, “Cute Underwear Male Model in Ellen
Show”..
Only then did I gradually purify my frightened little heart. It
‘s all body art! Doesn’t art deserve to be respected!
While I was brainwashing myself with hints, Brother Ma knocked on my door.
“Well, it’s time to eat..”
Such an ordinary sentence could not be more ordinary, which shattered the plastic art view that I had just built up in
an hour.
Mader, isn’t he just a half-naked man? As for what you can’t forget?
Go to the mall, isn’t it all on the poster in front of the underwear store? I took a deep breath and steadied myself.
‘Ah! Come on
Out of the bedroom door, I found that Brother Ma had already set up a table full of “delicious food.”. It is
still boiled chicken breast, boiled broccoli, boiled sea white shrimp and boiled eggs.
Well, today’s broccoli is really green.
Well, today’s chicken breast is really tender.
Oh, and today’s eggs are really round.
It’s like.. Bah, bah, bah.
Brother Ma peeled a shrimp for me and put it in my bowl.
“Thank you.”
I picked it up and put it in my mouth.
As a result, Brother Ma looked at me and asked, “Is it delicious?”
I raised my head and smiled like a socialite without a smile.
“It’s delicious.”
I opened my mouth again and ate a large piece of broccoli. He asked me again, “Is it delicious?”
I answered again, “Yummy!”
He frowned at me, who was chewing broccoli, and asked,
“Have you changed?”? Didn’t you say it was the same as chewing tree bark?
“Well, women are fickle.”
“Oh, I thought it was..” What
do you think?! Don’t talk nonsense! I’m not that kind of person!
“You’re not satisfied because you’ve seen my figure..”
“No!”
「…… So I finally realized that I had a slightly fat figure and was ready to lose fat and get in shape?
“No!”
I continued to deny it along the line.
No, shaping? Gan! The mouth is fast.
I immediately changed my story.
“Yes, yes, that’s the reason!” I stuffed another mouthful of broccoli and chewed two bites.
No! Wait a minute! Slightly fat? And
I admitted it?
But Brother Ma took advantage of me and didn’t intend to spare me.
“You’ve seen all of me. You’re responsible.”
Don’t talk nonsense, I didn’t see the light! You’re wearing underpants!
“Did I make a mistake by wearing underpants?”
No! I didn’t see the light!
You still want to see the light? You are too lustful.
I didn’t! You’re wearing underpants! I don’t have to be responsible! The models in the lingerie store all dress like
this. Am I responsible for all this?
“Those are all photographs. Which lingerie store shows them in person?”
I don’t care! That’s not my responsibility! After
the Naked Man Incident, I hid when I saw Brother Ma. If he asks me to be responsible again, I am afraid that my mind, which is not firm, will be stirred up by him one
day.
As a result, the northwest wind one night forced me to meet Brother Ma frankly again.
I was standing at the door of my bedroom, wearing a bath towel.
The damned door was blown shut by the evil wind of honey in the early spring.
The door lock, which I learned at that time that I had a male roommate, was specially changed, and its biggest
feature was that it could be automatically locked.
Now, I’ve locked myself in! No
keys, no cell phone, all over the body except a bath towel and underwear, what,
what, all, no, left!
Fortunately, Brother Ma is going to the supermarket now, but unfortunately he should be back
soon.
If you are caught here.
Gan! When
people are in a hurry, it is easy to make stupid moves. I reached out to hold the door lock, gritted my teeth and stamped my feet.
“Pow!” It’s
open! Sure enough, opportunities are reserved for those who dare to try.
This is not, the door handle, easily by the infinite strength of me, down!
While I was trying to save the door lock, the combination lock of the security door rang.
Drop! Drop! Drop! There are still three numbers to
leave the society and die.
Drop! Drop! Drop! There is still a “check mark” left for the end of the
society.
Ding!
The door opened.
I immediately crouched down in the corner.
The next second, thump!
I guess it’s the sound of Chinese cabbage hitting the ground.
An exclamation rang out at the door, “You..” What are you doing?
I pulled the towel up again, turned around with a red face, and looked up at the man. At this moment, my whole body is only wrapped in a bath towel, my wet hair sticks to my red face
, water drops flow down my neck, and I squat in the corner.
Like, a pitiful high-grade green tea.
“Cough..” Brother Ma.
“The lock of my room is broken. My clothes and mobile phone are all in it. I can’t get in now.”
I cleared my throat and opened my mouth, lifting my arm and gently lifting my hair to ease the embarrassment, pulling
an extremely reluctant smile.
“Oh..”
“Then go to the lock company. You go into my room first.”
“Oh no no no, I’ll just wait here.”
“Dressed like this to wait for the lock picker?”
……
……
Shit! Yes! So what to do? Then I can’t go to your room either!
As a result, Brother Ma suddenly raised his eyebrows. “Why can’t you go to my room?”
Of course not! How can I go dressed like this! I’m not trying to seduce you!
Brother Ma picked up the cabbage and put it on the table. He came over and squatted beside me
slowly.
“Are you still trying to seduce me?”
“I didn’t..”
Brother Ma was so close that I couldn’t refute it.
“Why are you blushing?”
I.. I took a hot bath!
“It’s so red. Did you take a bath with boiling water?”
“You just use boiled water. Damn it, you scold me!” As soon as I was in a
hurry, I raised my arm and pushed him. As a result, he was as steady as Mount Tai. I didn’t squat steadily in my slippers
and sat on the ground.
Bath towel, with a slight slip!
Even, can be called two silk!
I gurgled around myself and glared. As a result, Brother Ma had a serious face and squatted there motionless.
“You go to my room..”
I was just about to retort, he said.
“I have some clothes in my room. Please put them on first.”
“Shit, yes!”
I stood up carefully and went to Brother Ma’s room against the wall.
But he still crouched there motionless.
“Brother Ma, why are you still squatting?”
Legs.. My legs are numb..
this is also a fitness person! The
first time I went into Brother Ma’s bedroom, I was wearing a bath towel.
It feels, ahem, subtle.
Looking around, the room was very clean, and there was even a smell
of laundry detergent. The rowing machine has also been moved to the living room, and there is a small shelf at the door with dumbbells of all
sizes. The
navy blue bedding was spread cleanly on it, without any small wrinkles, and a pillow
was placed alone in the middle. It’s a hundred times better
than my room.
“The clothes are hanging in the wardrobe. Take them yourself.” Brother Ma’s voice sounded
at the door.
When I opened the wardrobe, it was really a good guy
with a lot of hoodies and flight jackets, big fashion brands and everything, and four or five pairs of AJ stacked
on the bottom layer.
It turned out to be a trendsetter.
I picked out a black “Changping” hoodie and found a pair of sports shorts.
As soon as I dressed up, I was depressed.
It’s not as loose as I imagined, and even the waistline is a little bit. Tight.
Gan!
I was complaining when the lock picker came.
“Take the wallet on the table. There’s an ID card in it.” Oh, yes, the unlocking has to be filed.
I straightened my clothes in front of the mirror and ran out of the bedroom quickly. Brother Ma was helping the master with
his things, and his hands were occupied.
When I came out, he looked me up and down for two seconds.
“Sure enough, it fits.”
Fuck! What is
your relationship? Girlfriend? The lock master raised his eyes and asked.
“Yes.”
Without waiting for me to open my mouth, Brother Ma took the lead and looked calm.
Why do you have a girlfriend?
When did it happen?
Why didn’t I know?
But the idea that I had wandered to the three-body world was brought back to reality
by the words of the lock picker.
“These hands are strong enough. Young man, next time you should be a little stronger.” After hearing this,
Brother Ma smiled with a red smile on his face and muttered, “Um.”. The lock master started, three times five divided by two, and the door opened. In less than
three seconds, the door opened.
Brother Ma paid the money and sent the lock picker away. Taking advantage of this time,
I rushed back to his bedroom to get a bath towel and got into my
room like the wind. I have lost my face
today.
But Brother Ma obviously didn’t intend to let me go. He pushed open my broken door and looked at me with a smile.
“Young man, next time you should be more energetic. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
.”
I rushed to his side and patted him on the arm a few times, which made him cry.
“Young man, I want you to be a little more energetic, a little more energetic!”
“Wrong, wrong, not funny, not funny!”
“I was wrong!” That’s when
I stopped.
“Take off your clothes first.”
What? I clenched my collar.
“Why should I take off my clothes?”
“Aren’t you going to give me back my clothes?”
…… After teasing me,
Brother Ma went out laughing and laughing.
I propped my chair against the door and prepared to undress.
However, there is a trace of hesitation.
Brother Ma’s clothes smell good. They are fragrant and soft.
I sniffed deeply a few times before I reluctantly took it off.
I don’t know when I can wear brother Ma’s clothes.
Bah! It must be your mother’s spring! Less than two hours after the
unlocking incident, my mother made a phone call.
By this time, it was already half past ten.
My brain full of brother Ma suddenly calmed down. Calling in the middle of the night is usually urgent. Urgent, usually not good.
This Friday night’s call made my heart tremble with vibration, and I pressed the call button.
“Hey, Mom..” Are
you working overtime today? Let me tell you something, your grandmother..
“Woof!”! Woof! Woof!
I don’t know whose dog downstairs started barking, and I couldn’t hear what my mother said behind
her. As soon as I was in a
hurry, I shouted directly at the downstairs,
“Stop screaming!”
As a result, the dog really stopped barking immediately, but it also attracted Brother Ma from the next room.
He stood at the door of my bedroom and looked at me doubtfully.
Holding the phone, my eyes filled with tears, and my voice trembling, I asked,
“Mom, I didn’t hear you clearly. You just said my grandmother..”
Hearing what I said, Brother Ma also took a step into my room worriedly and looked at me from
a distance with a worried face.
“What happened to my grandmother..” In the past few years in Beijing, I have experienced a lunch break to know that my grandfather died, and an
overtime until the early morning to receive the news that my grandmother was critically ill.
“Your grandmother..”
My mother just opened her mouth, and my heart beat uncontrollably.
“It’s no big deal.”
You don’t have to comfort me.
“That’s her. She asked you to marry her on the radio in our hometown!”
？？？
“It’s said that there is a young man who is quite good in all aspects who also works in Beijing. She gave your WeChat
to that young man’s father, and you can pass it later if you have nothing to do.”
？？？？？？
My mother’s voice is so loud that even if there is no amplifier on her mobile phone, her excitement can be felt from a distance.
My eyes are still rolling, but the expression is already small S’s indifference.
It turned out to be.. My grandmother.. He asked me for marriage.
This is really an emergency.
Maybe in her and my mother’s mind, this is the most urgent thing, urgent and urgent! He was so anxious that he could not send voice messages WeChat, but had to call in the middle of the night.
“Okay, Mom.” After
hanging up the phone, I wiped away my tears.
I just wanted to turn around and tell Brother Ma that I was all right and it was a misunderstanding, but I found that he had
left quietly.
At this time, a new friend application in the WeChat arrived as promised.
The next day after work, I knocked on Brother Ma’s door.
“Brother Ma, can you do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Can you take a picture for me?”
I don’t know what news my mother got. She insisted that I send one or two photos of my life to others,
saying that the photos I sent before were no different from the ID photos, and people couldn’t see them all. I
had to wear the skirt I wore last time I went to Sanya, because my mother said it was
the only skirt that looked like a woman’s clothes.
I’m on my knees. So I had to put on the dress
that was so grand that I only dared to wear it on vacation at the seaside.
“Mmm.”
Brother Ma answered.
But just as he was about to hold up his phone to take a picture of me, he stopped
and asked me,
“Why did you come to me in the middle of the night dressed like that?”
I looked down at myself. It was normal. It was just a dress. It was just a little
wrapped. It made me look a little concave and convex.
“Take a picture. Does it look good?”
Brother Ma’s brows suddenly opened.
“Oh,”
and then said slowly, “Nice.” Just as
I was about to happily accept this heartfelt compliment, he added,
“The clothes are beautiful, and the people..” Slightly fat.
？？？？
“Shit, your mouth is so smelly. Be careful not to find a girlfriend!” “Aren’t you in charge?”
I glared at him, ignored him, and went to pose on my own.
One hand akimbo, one hand on the door, buttocks a pout.
“What calendar did you learn that from 20 years ago?”
？？？？
“Sit over there with your buttocks on the arm of the sofa, one leg forward, the other bent, your
hands straight as if you were stretching, and your head tilted to one side.”
Brother Ma adjusted the angle for me several times.
And then, click. After
taking the picture, he stared at the phone for a long time.
As a result, when I ran over, he said it was not good-looking at all and deleted it.
“Forget it. You’d better use the posture you just used.”
“Shit, I knew you wouldn’t work!”
When Brother Ma sent me my picture, it was as he said.
My posture, like a calendar girl 20 years ago, is short of a rose-red scarf
in my hand.
Unexpectedly, on this disturbing photo, the other party did not dislike it, but also always came to chat
with me, and talked a lot.
Therefore, I have to reply to his messages with my mobile phone in my room every day. Don’t look at your phone while
eating! No rules! Brother Ma, who was beside him, said seriously.
“Back to the message, wait a minute.”
Then Brother Ma put down his fork and watched me typing on my mobile phone with both hands.
I finally persuaded the object introduced by the grandmother to free up my hands for dinner. The moment I
raised my head, I saw Brother Ma holding his hand and looking at me with an unhappy face.
“What’s up?”
“Are we done?”
“Mmm.”
“When are you moving out?”
Clam? Why should I move?
“You seem to be very devoted. Are you going to get married soon?” “If I don’t reply, my mother will talk about me, and my grandmother won’t let
me go.”
“So you’re chatting to fulfill your filial piety?”
……
“Scum!”
“What?”
“Seeing all of me is not only irresponsible, but also chatting with other men.”
「……」
“Go ahead, keep talking!”
“Brother Ma, are you jealous?”
As a result, Brother Ma didn’t answer me at all and turned back to his room. Are men so arrogant
now?
If you say “yes”, won’t it be all right??? After
Brother Ma lost his temper, although I had no real progress with him, I didn’t
dare to talk to my blind date any more. As a result, the enthusiasm of the other side has not diminished.
I think the blind date my grandmother found for me needs not a girlfriend, but
a trash can.
But even if I am a super-sized trash can, it will be full after a few days.
As a result, he came to complain to me again today. I forgot everything, but I remembered
the last sentence.
“It’s hard to find a job like mine!”
“Oh.”
“If I change my job, how can I marry you?”
「……」
I never replied to this brother again. The last message I sent was the six
points. The
next night, my mother and my grandmother called.
At that time, I was using my iPad to eat and watch dramas in the living room, and Brother Ma was
sitting beside me.
My mother put a video call on the iPad.
I adjusted the angle, put Brother Ma out of the camera, and answered the phone in a hurry. As soon as
I picked it up, my mother’s voice resounded
through the air before I could shout the word “mom.”.
“Why don’t you send a message back?” On the
screen, my mother frowned coldly, as if I were the “thousand
men” who told her what to do.
I peeked at Brother Ma and observed his man
‘s expression like a daughter-in-law who had done something wrong.
“Mom, I don’t feel right.” In
appropriate? Running-in and running-in are just right!
At this time, the grandmother also squeezed her face into the camera and was earnest and persuasive.
“You’re too old to be young. When Grandma was your age, she gave birth to your second uncle
.”
“Grandma, I’ll try to find it.”
“I can tell you that this young man is a good man, an engineer, 32 years old, with good character and work
.”
What a little chicken leg of my grandmother.
“I know, I know. I’ll try harder.” “Tell Grandma what you don’t like about it.”
Not dissatisfied, or.. Not suitable..
“Not suitable. This is too broad. Tell me more clearly. Grandma and your mother will analyze
it for you.”
「……」
Just when I didn’t know how to respond to the serial torture of two middle-aged and old women in the camera, Brother
Ma suddenly stood up.
He stepped back, went to the bathroom, and poked his head out.
Just when I wondered if the man was angry, he deliberately imitated the deep
voice of Hai Zong and shouted out a sentence that made me almost have trisomy 21 syndrome.
Baby! Where’s my underwear?
19
The world is frozen.
My eyes moved to Brother Ma and I looked at him with a confused face.
The whole person was motionless, as if he had been struck by thunder.
But Brother Ma looked at me as if nothing had happened and closed the bathroom door with a smile. I was
left alone in the living room with my mother and grandmother across from the iPad. Who? Whose voice is that?
Mom, it’s the TV! The voice on the TV!
You show me, what TV shows this? Your grandmother and I want to see it too.
“Mom, that’s it. Ode to Joy. Mom, I read the Ode to Joy.” Ode to
Joy? Season one, season two? Which episode? Who said that? General Manager Bao? Dr.
Cho? Old Tan?
Gan!
They are 120 years old together. How can they still watch the Ode to Joy.
that, mom, I’m here.. Net. Not good..
“Wait a minute!”
I’ll hang up first! Goodbye
“You wait..”
I quickly hung up the video phone, adjusted my heartbeat, rushed to Brother Ma and began to roar
.
You’re crazy! Do you want me to be hunted by my mother?
“Why did your mother come after you?” What do you think! I take underwear for men?? My mother must have been at home doing a lot of rounds to
make up for the temptation to go home.
Brother Ma looked at me pitifully with a look of grievance.
So what now? I just wanted to take a shower. I just wanted you to hold it for me.
“I don’t know..”
The voice did not fall, my mother dialed a phone.
“Stay where you are. Your grandmother and I have already driven there, and you
‘ve got that man under control. Don’t let anyone go.”
“Mom, mom..” Doo-doo-doo-doo..
Eight o’clock
in the evening, four hundred kilometers, my mother drove with my grandmother, two people together
with the car, 125 years old.
My God.
Brother Ma also heard the phone call.
The look finally changed a little, from just watching the good play to. Nervous.
It’s all your fault. You shouted and made my mother come. Let’s see how you explain it.
Brother Ma put on his coat, picked up his cell phone and went out.
This big brother didn’t run away, did he?? Are all
men like this??
All the responsibilities that women have to bear??
As a result, 15 minutes later, Brother Ma came back in a rush.
Carrying the emperor’s red melon seeds, JJJJ cherries, light snow strawberries, Meilong melon, Qingwang Qingti
.. Came back.
“What are you standing here for?”
“Go and tidy up your bedroom and put away all the underwear that hangs on the back of the chair.”
“Stop eating, wipe the table, wipe it with detergent, and then wipe it with clean water.”
“Then you clean up the bathroom and I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
“Brother Ma, what are you doing?”
“Pack up. Aren’t your mother and grandmother coming?”
“That doesn’t have to be like that. My mother knows what I’m like.”
“No, hurry up and pack up.”
“Not really.” No, if you don’t clean up, can two elders rest assured? If they don’t feel at ease, they might
not leave and stare at you every day.
「……」
Five hours later, my mother and my grandmother arrived downstairs of my house. When the three of
us took the elevator upstairs, they stared at me without saying a word. The moment the
elevator door opened, my mother rushed out in a flash. As soon as
I put the key in the keyhole of the security door, my mother pushed me aside,
turned the key and dragged my grandmother into the room.
I watched from behind, admiring my mother’s vigorous skills. In the
room, Brother Ma’s white T-shirt, jeans, shaved beard, gelled hair
..
If I remember correctly, it’s already one o’clock in the morning.
My mother and my grandmother were in the living room, two meters away from Brother Ma, looking at him.
About three minutes passed. The eyes of the
two elders, like B-mode ultrasound, were scanned up and down more than 40 times, and finally
smiled at each other. My mother was the first to say,
“Daughter, who is this? Why don’t you introduce it to my mother?”
‘Ah! Yes! This is my roommate, Marlo.
“Roommate?”
“Well, roommate.”
My mother seems to be depressed.
Brother Ma stepped over and stood beside my mother and my grandmother.
“Hello, Auntie. Hello, Grandma. My name is Ma Lu. Please sit down.”
Then he put the emperor’s red melon seeds, JJJJ cherries, light snow strawberries, Meilong
melons, and Qing Wang Qingti, which had been washed and packed in advance, in front of them one by one.
“Oh, this child is too polite. It’s a hard night.”
“No hard work, no hard work.” After
my mother finished greeting, my grandmother followed. Where does the
child work? Do you have a date? How old is it this year? What do parents do? How much is
the annual salary? Are you going to buy a house in Beijing?
Grandma deserves to be a grass-roots cadre of the neighborhood committee, and the questions she asked were full and accurate without any mistakes or omissions. I thought Brother Ma would say that my mother and grandmother were “none of your business,” just like he
said to the product manager.
As a result, he answered one by one in order, with a smile on his face?
Just after he said the last answer, my mother made a surprise attack. Who did
you just call baby? Who can help you with your underwear?
Brother Ma was caught off guard and rolled his eyes.
It’s her cat! He was so good at picking up his underwear that he understood human nature. I asked him to help me take
it down. When
my mother heard this, she said, “Oh, I don’t believe you if you continue to talk nonsense.”.
Three hours later, at four in the morning. The
rounds of torture are over.
I booked the nearest hotel for them to rest.
By the time I got them settled, it was five o’clock.
It’s good that I haven’t been able to sleep yet because of the words that brother Ma shouted.
Now the chicken is about to crow. After
my mother and grandmother went back, they never urged me to contact my blind date again.
Instead, he sent me special products when he was free, even the frozen dumplings made by himself.
I didn’t have this treatment before.
Being her daughter for 24 years, plus 25 years in her belly, I don’t know what my mother is thinking
!
Every time “What’s the girl doing?” Is followed by “Where’s the pony?”
Every time the phrase “Take care of your health” is followed by the phrase “Take care of yourself
with the pony.”
And before the National Day holiday, my mother asked me, “When will I go home?” Followed by
“Will the pony come?”
“Mom, Brother Ma has to go home himself!” Did
you ask? Did the pony say that himself?
“You don’t have to ask.”
“Then your conclusion is too hasty. You go and ask. Under the same roof, you have to
care more about others.”
“Mom..”
“Go and ask. If you don’t ask, give me Pony’s phone number. I’ll go and ask. Our family has beautiful
scenery and delicious food, and Pony will definitely be willing to come!” “I ask, I ask..”
23
Knock knock knock.
I knocked on brother Ma’s door.
“What’s up?”
“Brother Ma, my mother wants me to ask you if you want to go to my house on May Day.”
“I’m going to your house?”
“Mmm.”
“Why should I go?”
Because.. Because my family has green mountains, green waters, beautiful scenery and delicious food.
“Because of this?”
“Oh, then I’ll tell my mother that you’re going home on the National Day.”
I turned around and was ready to go, but Brother Ma said again.
“Wait a minute, I’ll tell you. You call your aunt and I’ll explain it myself.”
Brother Ma is so considerate that he knows to help me explain and thank my mother directly for her invitation. After I dialed the phone, I handed the phone to Brother Ma.
“Hello, Auntie, this is Xiao Ma.”
“Oh, my little horse, how are you?”
“Thank you, Auntie, for asking me to be a guest.”
“Oh, don’t be so polite. What do you like to eat, pony?”? Auntie, get ready
in advance.
My mother is so enthusiastic to see how brother Ma in front of her refuses.
Good! Auntie!
Clam?
“I want to eat the dumplings that my aunt made before. They’re so delicious that I can’t get enough of them!”
Clam?
“Don’t prepare too much. It’s not good to be tired. When we get back, we can pack
together.”
Clam?
In my confused face, Brother Ma hung up the phone after a few beautiful words.
He handed me the phone as if nothing had happened and went back to his room. Only my little friend left a lot of question marks in the living room. During the
National Day holiday, Brother Ma rented a car, and the trunk was filled with peanuts, melon seeds, eight-treasure porridge,
beer, drinks, mineral water, and two bottles of Maotai.
When I saw these rich gifts, I suddenly felt embarrassed.
“Brother Ma, why did you buy Maotai?”
“Well, isn’t it necessary to see your father-in-law?”
What father-in-law! You’re talking nonsense again. You don’t have a father-in-law in my family.
At this time, I have begun to blush. What
if I hit it off with your father and he insists on taking me as his son-in-law? I must not prepare in
advance.
「……」 When
I get home.
I didn’t have time to say “Dad” or “Mom”.
Brother Ma took the lead and stood in front of my father with Maotai.
“Uncle, I brought you Maotai.” “Well, come in and sit down.”
My mother and my grandmother also appeared next to my father in an instant. In order to hold Brother
Ma’s hand, they stuffed everything in Brother Ma’s hand into my hand.
“Little horse, you are too kind. What expensive gift do you bring?”
“It’s all right, it’s all right. It’s for my uncle.” The four of
them were happy, and I stood there with my bags, and no one was interested in me, as if I
were just a delivery man. At
the dinner table, there are all the dumplings that Brother Ma wants to eat. When the four of
them were half drunk, my father suddenly launched an attack.
“You know what it means to come to my house for the holidays, Ma.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Well, I only have one daughter. I hope you can treat her well. Your Maotai can
‘t buy me off, hiccup!”
“Don’t worry, uncle.”
“Later, come with me to the bathhouse. Let’s take a bath.”
“Good uncle.” After
hearing Brother Ma’s agreement, my father and mother looked at each other and smiled.
Three hours later, my father came back with a smile on his face and a shoulder to shoulder with Brother Ma
.
My mother helped my father into the room at the first time, and two middle-aged and old people whispered.
I settled Brother Ma and went back to my room. As soon as I lay down, I received Brother
Ma’s WeChat.
“Tell me if you want to be my wife.”
My little heart was so excited by this sudden confession that I almost wanted to rush
to Brother Ma’s room and shout “I do!”
But I don’t know if I’m too much of a Gemini, so I replied, “I’ll think about it
.”.
“I’ll count to three and let you think about it.”
“1”
“What?”
“2”
“Holy shit.”
Time is up, say your answer. If you say no, I’ll go to your mother and father
‘s room right away. “What are you doing in their house?”
“Complain, ah, just say that you are me, and then you still want to be irresponsible.”
Holy shit! Must I say yes?
“Must!”
「……」 After being confessed for the first time in
my life, I tossed and turned like a fried steak and couldn’t sleep
. When I went to the toilet in the
middle of the night, I heard a conversation from my parents’ room that I couldn’t sleep.
“Did you see it clearly?”
Can’t you see it clearly! As soon as I entered the bathhouse, I took off my clothes.
“Really good?”
Not bad, but! Still not as good as me!
“You’re a dead man!”
