The emperor’s daughter passed away without regret
: I still remember that I was an unloved princess when
I was in love with thrush.
Just because I am a woman, even if I am a princess, my life is worthless. What about the other women
that day?
I am not reconciled, and I do not want to yield.
I vow to change this era of male superiority and female inferiority.
I thought that when the emperor and men were not credible, it was Pei Junci.
He laughed and let me step on his corpse and sit on his throne.
Pei Junci, next life.
May I be like the moon and the king like the stars.
May the Chinese flow shine on you month by month. I have been an unloved princess
since I was a child.
Until that day I led people to force my father to abdicate, and he didn’t even know who I was.
Your face.. You give me a very familiar feeling. Like, like.. Before he
had finished speaking, he coughed violently and spat out a big mouthful of blood.
My hand holding the sword paused.
What’s the matter? Are you so angry?
That’s not in line with the image of my wise and powerful father.
Oh, come to think of it, in order to force him to abdicate smoothly today, I bribed the eunuch to drug him early.
「…… Who are you? Who are you? Cough, cough, cough..
I laughed and crouched down slowly close to him.
“My good father, I don’t know if you still remember that you have a daughter named Ling Hua.” I
can see that he is very confused. After all, it was more than ten years ago that my mother and concubine were favored. He has three thousand beautiful women in
his harem and a large number of children. How can he still remember having a daughter like me?
However, this did not affect him to scold me excitedly, although he kept spitting out blood, but I still laughed until I cried.
You here.. Inverse woman! I am your father, how dare you do this to me! How can you be so heartless!
Seeing me laughing all the time, he tried to stand up angrily, but forgot that he was now shackled by me.
Suddenly, dozens of bows were pointed at him.
Also do not know which archer at this time a hand trembles, shot the arrow out, just hit the chest.
He stumbled backward and fell to the ground, trying desperately to cover the wound with his hand.
I suddenly stopped laughing, turned my head to look at the archer and looked back at him.
“Father, I think you know that since I dare to rebel, it proves that in my heart, interests are naturally paramount.”
“Or..” I squinted my eyes.
“In my heart, you, my father, are not worthy of my affection.”
He spurted another mouthful of blood.
I could clearly see that his eyes were wide open and he seemed to have a lot to say.
But in the end, there was no chance. When the
arrows hit him, his expression was unbelievable.
I walked out with an expressionless face and saw the man standing outside the hall like a statue.
When he saw me coming out, he walked slowly forward. “Princess.”
“Are those your people, Pei Junci?” I said coldly.
He was not angry at all, but gently grabbed my hand and looked at it carefully.
“The hands of the princess are white and smooth, and they are more suitable for jewelry and jade.”
I am Ji Linghua, Princess of Anping in Beiyang.
My mother is a princess of a small country who was robbed by my father.
Because she was so beautiful that she became famous at the age of fifteen.
But not only does she hate my father, she also hates me. Her life was ruined
because of his plunder.
And my father didn’t move after my mother gave birth to me.
Obviously, he has a new lover, and it’s just a whim for my mother.
His mother cursed him to die a terrible death every day.
When she saw me, she would hysterically transfer all her hatred to me, scolding and beating me. The people
in Yongan Palace will not stop her.
For them, offending a princess is far better than offending a concubine.
Who let my mother concubine be young and young, and my father would come to see her from time to time, but I was only one of his sixteen princesses.
Mother has never called my name, the most gentle attitude, but also called me Anping.
I guess she didn’t even remember my name.
And my father will probably only remember that he has another daughter. When
I was sixteen years old, my father married me to Pei Junci, the son of the Marquis of Yangping. Before
that, I always thought I would be Xiao Zicheng’s fiancee.
Xiao Zicheng is the nephew of the imperial concubine in the palace, and he is the best friend of me. Em
press Shufei is a very kind person. When I was driven out of Yongan Palace by my mother again and again, she took me to her Kangning Palace for the night.
It was there that I met Xiao Zicheng. Glutinous Rice Balls for Lantern Festival when I was
thirteen years old, I was once again driven out of Yongan Palace by my mother.
Xiao Zicheng came to see me secretly and took me to see the Lantern Festival I wanted to see for a long time under the cover of Shufei Empress. He also gave me a beautiful lotus lantern.
He said that it was a lotus lantern carved by himself.
He also said that when I grew up in a few years, I would ask my father to marry me and him.
I remember laughing happily at that time.
“Well, I’ll wait for you to marry me.” After
knowing that I was married to the Marquis of Yangping, he also came to me and told me that he would ask Your Majesty to withdraw his order and would not let me marry anyone else.
I said, “I’ll wait for you.”
But later, there was no later.
Their general’s office is loyal to the emperor. How could they resist the decree for me, a princess who is not favored.
Xiao Zicheng will be a pillar of the country in the future, and he can’t leave a stain because of me.
I finally married Pei Junci.
Ten miles of red makeup, beautiful marriage.
The General’s Office also sent me a gift. When I
returned to the Princess Mansion, Pei Junci was already waiting for me there.
His face was as usual, as if he had not been the one who had just ordered the arrow to be fired. Didn’t
we agree that you were only responsible for encircling and suppressing the imperial guards outside? Don’t interfere in the affairs inside. Besides, when did you replace all those people with yours? I’m really a little angry.
I always thought that one day I could look down on him, just as he had told his mother coldly in the past that his daughter looked good and could be sent to marry in the future.
I really want to ask him, is it because I am a daughter that I only deserve you to say this?
Then show him that women can do things that men can’t do.
As a result, he fell without warning.
“Blood on your hands is not good for you.” He said so.
I couldn’t help giggling.
Anyway, I have the experience of being forced to abdicate, and it doesn’t matter if I have one more regicide.
Speaking of, Yangping Hou Fu will be against, to a certain extent, is the result of my contribution. The Marquis
of Yangping was killed by a treacherous court official, and my father cut off his head indiscriminately, but these could not make my husband raise his sword against the Dynasty.
But with the constant encouragement of my unfilial daughter, gentle childe like Pei Junci will also gather his subordinates to approach the palace, and finally break through the palace gate and seize the throne.
These are naturally popular sayings from the outside world.
The fact is that after the Yangping Hou accident, I kept wandering among the civil servants and generals with a big belly, persuading them to overthrow my father, the cruel king, and establish a new Dynasty. Those
who can be the powerful ministers of this Dynasty under the rule of my father are naturally crafty and crafty. Most of
them refused me euphemistically in order to protect themselves, and some old ministers even tried to persuade me to give up the idea.
But I don’t care. It doesn’t matter if
you don’t agree. It’s OK to have the army to support me first. Those old ministers can wait and then draw me in.
I don’t know what my father thought and promised me to Pei Junci.
You know, Yang Ping Hou was a military commander, although not on the battlefield, but there are still some people under him.
With Pei Junci, the only son of the Marquis of Yangping, I can control part of the army.
In addition to Yangping Hou, north central most of the military power, in fact, in the mighty general office. In the hands of
Xiao Zicheng’s father.
Pei Junci would set up a table of dishes and look at me deeply when I came back travel-stained.
I always thought he was forced, until the old ministers spoke out in support of him, and he quietly changed my men, I realized that I was far behind him.
I remember the day Qi Qi told me the news, it had just rained and was slightly cool.
When I invited Xiao Zicheng to play chess again, she pushed the door and came in.
Qi Qi told me that the mighty general was sentenced to death for embezzlement of military pay.
Remembering the great military exploits of the General’s Office, my father only killed Xiao Zicheng’s father.
Xiao Zicheng was also a lieutenant at that time, he learned that the news was out of control, nearly knocked over the chessboard.
I looked at him and slowly arranged the pieces on the board.
“The old general has had an accident. If General Xiao is in a hurry to go back, I’ll let this chess game with you go.” On
the chessboard, sunspots and white pieces are placed in confrontation.
Xiao Zicheng also knew that he was impolite at this time, and he saluted me.
“Thank you, Princess, for your kindness. I will retire first.”
I smiled faintly.
Xiao Zicheng almost stumbled out of Yangping Hou Fu. After
he left, Pei Junci pushed the door and came in.
“First of all, I would like to congratulate the princess on finally getting what she wants.”
He sat down in front of me.
“Why did your son-in-law say that?”
He seemed to want to speak, but suddenly he coughed.
“Your son-in-law?”
“It’s just a little cold. The princess doesn’t have to worry about it. It’s more important to pull in the net.”
I gave a sneer.
“The emperor’s son-in-law must take care of his health. After all, all means are based on it.”
Pei Junci also laughed.
That’s natural. Two years later, the last piece on the chessboard is finally in place.
I pursed my lips and said nothing.
For a long time, I picked up the teacup and blew the floating leaves on it. The hot air rose, blurring my vision and blocking the chess game.
If there is no imperial concubine, I will probably end up rotting and stinking in the harem, then marry a person I don’t love, give birth to an heir, and end my life in a hurry.
This is supposed to be a woman’s destiny.
But she told me that there was a place in the world where women could go into the streets and talk loudly with men, go to court and do business. Everyone is equal
there, some men and some women, and even some women are better than men.
If I had never had a chance to discover the freedom that belongs to women, I might have accepted my unbearable fate under the beating and scolding of my mother and concubine.
But once there is light, who wants to go back to darkness?
“The winner is the king and the loser is the enemy. This palace is just following the will of heaven. It is the emperor’s son-in-law who really surprises this palace.” There was a sudden sound of thunder
outside the window.
I put down the teacup and got up.
“Listen to the thunder. It’s time for you to wake up. Go to the palace and have a look.”
“It’s going to rain.”
Walking out of the door, I heard Pei Junci laughing out loud behind me.
With the soldiers in Xiao Zicheng’s hands, dealing with those old ministers is naturally easy to catch.
In the later period, my father became more and more indifferent, and the court became more and more chaotic.
Finally, on a sultry afternoon, I took people into the Palace of Heavenly Purity.
By the time it came out again, the Dynasty had been turned upside down.
Although it was actually Pei Jun’s resignation, the old ministers all acquiesced that I did it. The concubines in the
palace died and fled, but my mother was different from others.
Everyone thought that as my biological mother, the future of my mother’s concubine must be glorious and rich.
But she doesn’t think so, and neither do I.
When the palace was in chaos, my mother climbed up the high palace wall. From a distance,
I saw her white dress hunting in the wind.
She seemed to have been waiting for me for a long time, and when I came to the palace wall, I heard the cold laughter of my mother.
She said, “Anping, why did your father ruin my life and my happiness?”! If I can’t have it, you can’t have it! I curse you.. I curse you to be lonely all your life, locked in this high palace wall like me, and never to come out!
Then she jumped down without looking back.
See, when my mother cursed me before she died, she didn’t remember my name.
Just why kill yourself?
I know you have a very painful life. You are a woman who has been robbed by force. You have no ability except to complain. You even dare not.
But it doesn’t matter as long as I dare.
Mother, you can see how I can overturn your theory that “I am just a woman, what else can I do besides attachment”.
“Let’s bury them according to the rites of the imperial concubines.”
Mother, I know you want to go back to the Great Wall, but if you don’t stay here, how can you see how your curse is realized on your daughter step by step?
Those years you shut me out of the door, Shufei Empress told me, if you change yourself or can not integrate, then change this era.
Perhaps at that time, my heart was unwilling, and there was your resistance in my blood, so I would gradually accept the ideas that Empress Shufei told me that were not tolerated by this era.
Immersed in, my ambition gradually expanded, the original cowardice into self-reliance, and I also saved a lot of girls like me.
Their hearts are also filled with unwillingness, willing to walk with me on this seemingly endless road. In the
summer afternoon, there was a thunder on the ground.
Qi Qi stepped forward.
“Go home, Princess. It’s going to rain.”
Yeah, it’s going to rain again.
Those old ministers were so disgusted with me, the disloyal and unfilial princess of the former Dynasty, that they opposed Pei Jun’s resignation to make me queen. Unexpectedly
, their mansion was surrounded that night, facing the dark army in front of them, they finally chose to yield.
Pei Junci is not as gentle and kind as he seems on the surface. After I married him, I found his true face under the jade skin. Most of the time
, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but this person can easily see through my thoughts.
Those old ministers still have some influence, if not for his feelings for me that do not know what kind of trouble, where turn to get me when the queen.
He may have feelings for me as a married wife, but after all, he doesn’t have the same hatred for the Dynasty that killed his father.
My previous behavior was too ambitious, and the young emperor was probably warning me.
He respected me as a wife and made me queen, but he didn’t want to think more about it.
He has been in the court for a few years, and I have lived in the palace for a long time, which is not comparable. On the day
when Pei Jun resigned and ascended the throne, he was very dignified in his dragon robe.
When he went to the dragon position step by step, no one questioned him.
Despite the suppression of military power, it is still difficult for these old ministers to be convinced.
Perhaps in their view, people like Pei Junci should sit in that position. That’s what I thought
at that time.
Pei Junci has a lot more than my father. His demeanor when he
went to court and his vigorous handling of political affairs were not what my father could have.
As I wish, he is a good emperor, and I will learn more under him.
Pei Junci is a good emperor, but I am not a good queen. Although the news of
that day was blocked in time, there were inevitably some rumors in the palace.
For example, I killed my father and mother, overthrew my father’s Dynasty with my own hands, and forced my husband to make myself queen. I was jealous of autocracy. I was really a ruthless queen.
In fact, they are right to say that I am ruthless.
I am not a kind person.
Although I didn’t kill them, they died because of me. I also cleaned up my brothers and sisters and drove all the disobedient ones to the bitter and cold place.
But I still sent the silver of the palace people, and I also advised Pei Jun to bury them with courtesy for those old ministers who were loyal to the former Dynasty.
People will not care who is sitting on the throne, they only care about whether they can eat, civil and military ministers will not care who ruled the Dynasty, as long as the throne can make their aspirations come true.
Water can carry a boat, but it can also capsize it. This truth was told to me by Empress Shufei a long time ago.
So Pei Junci quickly took his seat, and there were not so many people scolding me on the memorial.
Later, when women’s schools were introduced, some people even expressed support for it.
However, some ministers who thought they knew the truth of the forced abdication attacked me unscrupulously.
But it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Wait
a minute. Get those people out of here.
Pei Junci often comes to my palace, and we get along like an old married couple.
But sometimes I think back to the old days, me and him.
I remembered that when I first got married, he would bring me a ice-sugar gourds every morning and protect me when other princesses taunted me. When
I was exhausted that day, he held my newborn son in his arms and kissed me on the forehead.
I remember that on the wedding night, his red dress was particularly dazzling, and my hands were shaking when I untied his belt.
He looked calm, but his ears were red when I pulled his collar. He and
I are like many couples in the world, who have no vigorous love in their lives, but can end up as plain as water.
We have a common topic, we can talk about poetry and songs together, he likes musical instruments as much as I do, and he also supports me to set up a women’s school.
His eyes are really attractive, and his eyes are full of tenderness, which I almost indulge in whenever I see them.
At that time, I really thought I might not be alone anymore. The person
in front of me fits my soul and resonates with me to some extent.
But on the eve of the forced abdication, I bumped into his eyes again, which seemed to flash with complex emotions. He did not
look so affectionate, but his face was as usual, and there was a trace of tenderness.
But this is what he usually looks like on the surface. When I was
in bed, I asked him jokingly how he would please me if one day a woman could have three wives and four concubines like a man, and I became his wife.
Later, even after so many years, I still remember the words he answered me in an indifferent tone.
He said, that day will not come.
Pei Junci may be a very good emperor, will also be a good husband, he is willing to support his wife’s all actions, as long as his wife does not violate his field.
We can live a happy life, he will spoil me, respect me, maybe love me, but I will always be the person behind him.
In the final analysis, he still can’t resonate with me. After all, men are respected in this era. The ideas
he accepted since childhood are quite different from mine.
I saved a girl who lost her virginity before. She was forced by her parents to jump into the river. Finally, she chose to teach in a women’s school. She told her students that women should first respect themselves and not care about other people’s eyes.
Because I told her who was saved but still wanted to die, if you don’t love yourself, who else in the world will respect you and love you?
She asked me why I told her this, and everyone else told her to die quickly.
I said, someone told me a long time ago that a woman’s innocence is never under her skirt. It is very difficult for
women to survive in this world full of shackles, so I am willing to create a new world for them and let them live in the sunshine.
But Pei Junci obviously won’t let me do that. How could a man like
him be willing to give up his power to women to build such an era.
Just like more than ten years ago, I never dared to dream that women could go to court to participate in politics and kill the enemy.
I have no family, nor do I deserve love.
But all that I desire will come true.
But if we don’t talk about these things, we are really a couple who respect each other.
We will drive everyone out and make a fire to roast meat in Fengqi Palace.
Pei Junci would tell me which minister had talked back to him again today, almost blocking him, and then I would giggle and stuff the barbecue into his mouth.
“That guy is really hateful. He should be hit with a board.”
Probably because the smoke-proof measures were not done well, Pei Junci was choked and turned his head and coughed in a low voice. As soon as
I wanted to go over, he turned back and asked me if I was tired now.
I was immediately distracted. I
‘m tired. Being a queen is a far cry from being a mother. When I think of the old days, I don’t feel happy at all now. You said how nice it would be if we were still in Hou’s house. Avoiding my gaze,
he gently wiped the grease from my mouth.
“Aren’t you so ruthless that you can’t even handle those little things?”
“That’s just dealing with big things. What’s the use of being ruthless?” I enjoyed his service with a good conscience. He would have done the same thing with
another woman in my position.
“You have been a model husband to me.” And sometimes, I will say something casually.
“Mmm.” He responded lightly.
We all tacitly don’t mention anything else, as if we would really live a plain life.
He doesn’t show what he really thinks. I’ll be his queen and take care of his harem. As a normal couple,
we look very good.
That’s all it looks like.
Pei Junci lost his temper this morning.
The reason is that Taifu first proposed that he should contribute to the country, so he took the lead in saying that he would send his granddaughter to the palace, and others followed suit, saying that he would send his daughter to the palace.
And they are just willing to cooperate with Pei Junci ordered the implementation of the women’s school, even if we pay a lot of price to make them satisfied, their request is simply impossible to refuse.
Their reasons are indeed legitimate, the emperor’s children are thin, should be more for the royal family.
Speaking of it is also my reason, after all, the implementation of women’s school is the consequence of Pei Junci indulging me.
Hai Shangshu was an old minister of the former court who surrendered relatively quickly. He said that his second daughter was so beautiful that she would be sent to the palace to serve the emperor to show her loyalty.
Pei Jun told me this after leaving the court, but did not show any other emotions, so I guess he should feel that his authority as the emperor was provoked, but in his heart he did not object to those proposals.
So I asked Qi Qihaosheng to warn the ministers.
Then the next day, I summoned the second young lady of the Hai family to the palace, with a few beautiful daughters attached.
Hai Shangshu promised to take an active part in the preparatory work, which was his condition.
Pei Jun left the court and came to my palace.
I smiled at him and offered him a cup of tea.
“I thought you understood.” He stared at me.
“Back to the emperor, I have seen the second daughter of the Hai family. She is very knowledgeable, reasonable and considerate. She is quite suitable for the emperor. Considering that the emperor has only one child, I dared to summon them to the palace, and..” I deliberately did not answer his words, but talked about the benefits of the imperial concubine.
Sure enough, he wanted me to be the villain.
Pei Jun-ci looked very angry, because he interrupted me by calling me by my name without waiting for me to finish. This was something that had never happened before: “Ji Linghua!”
“My concubine is here. What orders does the emperor have?”
“You know very well that my Pei family will only marry one wife in their lifetime, so why do you still want to make such an arrangement?”
I was stunned for a moment, and then I realized that he didn’t want those women at all.
It’s just that everyone has come in, the new Dynasty is not stable, and the old ministers are indispensable for the time being.
“Because you are not Pei’s family now.” I answered him, “Your Majesty, you are the emperor now.”
Pei Junci was stunned for a long time and did not speak.
I know this is my apology to Pei Junci.
I also know that the Pei family only married one wife in their life, and they did not take concubines or continue their marriage.
But Pei Junci is the emperor now, and he can’t have only one child. It’s good to have
more children, at least there will be more traces of his existence in the future.
“Ling Hua..” He shook his head slightly. “I thought you knew. I don’t like those people.” In fact,
I do not like to be an emperor, there are too many involuntary, but I must do it.
11
“I can see that you were like that when you first married me. You didn’t care about anything.”
Even if you give birth to a child, you will only regard him as my child, not yours. Because he’s my child, it proves that we both have a past, so, so..
And now you say so … Is it also because you don’t care?
He left, after shaking off my hand that tried to hold his sleeve.
Leave me alone here.
The huge palace was obviously covered with earth dragons, and the heat was rising, but for the first time I felt the boundless cold.
I don’t know if it’s worth it.
But he’s right, I..
I really don’t care.
Maybe it’s because I’ve lost so much that I’m not interested in anything when I get the autonomy I want.
I was suddenly at a loss. I
always thought that he made me queen out of respect for my wife or warning, but he didn’t have much affection for me. He prefers those young and fresh lives
to my dry ones.
So I sent him to the palace, thinking he would be happy.
Hai Shangshu’s words rang in my ears.
“It’s because the empress doesn’t care about too many things that she loses even more.”
“Little Linghua, you’re just too cold.” The words of Empress Shufei also appeared in my ears.
「…… If only you cared about me a little more. In the past, Xiao Zicheng’s voice was still clear.
“Is it also because you don’t care?” I think of Pei Junci’s first complicated look when he just left.
Am I wrong?
Maybe.
It turns out that people like him can also be angry.
But this is clearly what we agreed to respect each other, why should we be angry? The second daughter of the
Hai family was still given the title of nobleman, and several other daughters also had matching status.
However, it was all my decision. Pei Junci neither refused nor went to those palaces.
In other words, he had hardly been to the harem since that day.
Even if I came here occasionally, I just looked at him and teased him, but I didn’t even give him a look.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood quietly aside and said respectfully, “Your Majesty.”.
My life is still so plain, no other changes. The second daughter of the
Hai family came to pay me a visit, and I warned her and several other daughters to serve the emperor well, and they all came down one by one.
I also managed the harem in good order, and then every evening, as usual, I ordered Qi Qi to prepare a meal for two people and sit at the table waiting.
Just like old times.
But the man never came.
I was suddenly at a loss, but I was reluctant to go to him, so I had to indulge in the news from all over the world and deceive myself and others.
About a month later, Bai Shi handed me a post saying that he would visit me in the palace.
Bai Shi is the second daughter of Bai Guogong, a famous lady in the capital.
The most important thing is that she married the general who protected the country not long ago.
General Huguo, surnamed Xiao and named Zicheng, was the son of the mighty general of the former Dynasty.
I looked at the signature of the conspicuous Xiao Bai Shi, a long sigh.
Since the day I married into Yangping Hou Fu, I and he, after all, is a different path.
“Empress?” Qi Qi knew almost everything about me and Xiao Zicheng’s past, and she was worried that I still didn’t get over it.
“Nothing.” My eyes drifted to the outside of the palace. “Go ahead.” When
Bai Shi entered the palace, she was dressed in plain clothes, but her face was ruddy. It seemed that Xiao Zicheng was very good to her.
“The empress looks a little haggard.”
“It’s the harem affairs that are overworked.” I waved my hand and didn’t care about it.
“Then I hope the empress will take good care of her body.” Bai Shi said and quietly dropped a piece on the chessboard. “Mrs. Shaw, you’re going to lose,”
I replied coolly.
Bai’s face did not change much, but she smiled and said, “My wife is not very good at chess, but it’s a joke to the empress.”
“As far as I know, General Hsiao is a master of chess.”
I looked at Bai Zi, who had been blocked on the chessboard, and looked at Bai Shi, who was smiling.
Bai Shi was not angry, but said with a smile, “My husband’s chess skill is nothing more than that. It’s really my husband’s blessing to be so praised by the empress.”
But Er Er? How dare
Xiao Zicheng bet that game with me. In my
mind, I remembered what he had said to me when Bai Ziwei killed Heizi.
The princess is an excellent chess player, and Tzu-cheng is willing to bow to the wind. But the princess is so aggressive in everything. Will she know what regret is one day? Do you
regret?
I remember that Empress Shufei once looked at me with regret and said, Xiao Linghua, many things can not be accomplished overnight, I am afraid that my thoughts can only be told to you.
She feels that this era still discriminates against women, and the change can only be gradual, which will take many years.
But now I don’t think so.
As long as I proclaim myself emperor, I believe I can shorten these times greatly.
Xiao Zicheng said that I was his regret, Pei Junci hoped that I would care about him, in fact, both of them just wanted me to be a vassal of men, a canary in their hands, cheering for their success.
But I don’t want to be a bird in a cage. I want to be a golden dragon in the world.
So on that rainy night, when Qi Qi pushed the door and came in to tell me the news, I was not surprised. After all,
we have to go on different roads, and it’s better to be separated early.
14
“Mother.” There was a soft cry
outside the door, and then a small figure rushed into my arms.
I put down the bamboo slips in my hand and motioned Qi Qi to put them away and pick up the little people in his arms.
“Why didn’t she go to school today? She remembered to come to her mother’s house.”
“When I reported back to my mother, Taifu said that I had done my homework very well, so my father allowed me to rest for a day, and I wanted to come and pay my respects to my mother.” The
little man was so cute that I couldn’t help rubbing his little head.
Pei Xun is my son with Pei Junci, I always want to give him the best things in the world, but this does not include that seat.
Even if this is my son.
“Mother, why hasn’t my father come to see her lately?” My son asked me in a muffled voice, “When Mingming was in the house before, the father was very kind to his mother.”
I was silent. Pei Junci was very kind to me when I was in
your house. When
I married him, there were several imperial brothers who seized the throne, and there was a bloody storm outside, but I had a very comfortable life with him.
Except for my son.
I looked at the innocent expression of the little person in my arms and could not help sighing secretly.
Over the years, I have tried to avoid his growth and give Pei Junci full authority, but this does not seem to affect his natural attachment to me.
It can be seen that Pei Junci taught him very well. His every move was aristocratic and eloquent. Even the harsh Taifu praised him endlessly.
Pei Junci thought that what I wanted was the right for women to read and practice calligraphy.
That’s true, but it’s not all true. What
I really want is an era in which women can also make decisions. I want women to be officials in the court and have the same status as men.
These are the things he can’t give me, Pei Junci’s education from childhood does not allow women to have such a high status.
He will not allow me to have more power than he has.
He has different feelings for me, but he only sees that I have different autonomy from other women. This autonomy makes people feel fresh within a certain range. Once it goes beyond this range, it becomes fear.
If she were my daughter, maybe I could teach her from an early age and let her continue to fulfill my wish.
It’s a pity that he is so excellent, just like his father.
Qi Qi pushed the door and came in and handed me a letter printed with the unique pattern of day lilies in the frontier.
I opened it and saw that it was written by An Chengyu.
As a side branch of the famous Anjia, An Chengyu actually did not have a good life.
She was betrothed to an imperial censor in his sixties and ran away on the way to meet the bride.
Out of sympathy, I saved her.
At that time, I had just married into the Yangping Hou Mansion, and everyone in the mansion was polite to me, so it was not difficult for me to hide a runaway girl.
Later, I asked An Chengyu what she wanted to do, and she told me that she wanted to go to the frontier.
She said she learned martial arts at an early age in order to defend her country.
She was the first person who was willing to follow me, and at that moment my mind was changing. Instead of sticking to making others regret and revenge,
I really began to change this era.
Shufei said that women should also have the right to make decisions, and it is good to have dreams and dare to try.
She took me to read the history of war, and sometimes taught some to the ladies of the court.
She wanted the school to be no longer reserved for men, and I fulfilled her wish after many years.
But I have never known where the unique thoughts of Empress Shufei come from. She always says something I don’t understand.
She taught me not to feel sorry for myself. People can’t choose their origins, but they can choose their lives. On the eve of
my marriage, when my mother went mad, she took me to the Empress Dowager’s Palace.
I’ve never seen the Empress Dowager before. She’s been eating fast, praying to the Buddha and ignoring the world.
I saw the Empress Shufei holding the Empress Dowager’s hand happily, pointing at me and saying that this was the little girl I had told you many times before.
The Empress Dowager did not look old. She came to me and touched my face. Then she smiled at the Empress.
The queen mother said, “Ruoling, I always thought you were just saying that, but I didn’t think you could really adopt a little girl and be so beautiful.”
She knocked on the head of the Empress Dowager. “What are you talking about? Little Ling Hua’s mother is still here. I didn’t adopt her.” They told me a lot
that day.
Later, when it was very late at night, the Empress Shufei grabbed my hand and cried.
“I remember the first time I saw you, you were only a few years old, and your mother and concubine were locked up outside, shivering with cold. I felt sorry for this little girl, so I brought you back. I didn’t expect you to grow up so much now.”
It’s Xiao Tzu-cheng who’s sorry for you. Don’t get angry with yourself. Do you remember what I told you? Women don’t have to rely on men. We are the miracles of the world.
She combed my long hair carefully.
The queen mother took her shoulder and smiled not like an old man.
“Ruoling, why are you like an old maid? When your daughter gets married, you talk endlessly.”
Probably because the atmosphere between the Empress and the Empress Dowager was too harmonious, I looked up for the first time to refute the person I thought was out of reach. “Princess Shu-fei is just like my mother. She’s not an old maid.”
The queen mother froze visibly for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“Oh, Ruoling, you’re a well-raised little girl, and you know how to defend you.” Em
press Shufei was stunned for a moment, then stared at the queen mother and turned her head to look at me.
I knew Xiao Linghua was a good girl, so I wouldn’t let some people slander me. All right, it’s beautiful.
She tied up my hair and put a delicate hairpin in it, then got up and stood with the queen mother.
Two people hand in hand, obviously is quite different appearance, but I saw two similar souls. Em
press Shufei saw my doubts, and she smiled gently at me.
We’re going home. Little Linghua doesn’t have to hide and cry on her own in the future. She can have a wonderful life alone. Although I will not be with you in the days to come, I will see your efforts, and I believe you will change this era.
They waved at me.
“Goodbye, Xiao Linghua. I wish you happiness.”
I looked at their backs and understood that I would probably never see Shufei again in my life.
Because they told me that they didn’t belong here and that they were going back to their hometown.
But I believe that no matter where they are, they can certainly see how I can change this era.
Later, I sent An Chengyu to the frontier, where she was very happy.
Although no one knows that she is a woman now, I believe that one day she will be able to convince all the soldiers as a woman.
I also founded a girls’ school and secretly saved a lot of girls. Some of
them became masters of women’s schools, passing on the idea that women also have the right to read.
Some opened a small shop to fight against the unfair behavior of women in this era. Others
followed the steps of An Chengyu and went to the frontier together, fighting bloody battles and explaining the great ambition of women.
Only Qi Qi was willing to be my handmaid after I brought her back from the hands of the slave traders.
She said: “The ambition of those girls is to achieve their career, and my dream is to accompany the princess and witness the era created by the princess.”
Those girls are scattered all over the place, following me in different ways like Qi Qi.
Although they are far apart, they share the same ideals and beliefs.
They sincerely hope that I can lead them to the light, so I have no choice. On her
birthday, he made a wish that I would take the initiative to find Pei Junci.
I know very well that I am sorry for Pei Junci, but I dare not go to him.
I am afraid to face those feelings that have no ending.
But I missed a lot of my son’s growth, and I couldn’t bear to put out the light in his eyes. When
I went in, Pei Junci was writing memorials in the Imperial Study.
It can be seen that he is very busy, otherwise he would not accompany his son. There was a faint smell in the
temple, as if the spices were different.
When he saw us coming in, he put down his pen, but chose to avoid me and picked up his son directly. Pei Junci’s face was not very good,
probably because he was too tired.
“Didn’t I tell you that my father wouldn’t be able to celebrate your birthday until the evening, so that you could go to find your mother? Why did you come?” He whispered.
She put her arms around his neck and felt aggrieved.
“But I haven’t had dinner with my father and my mother for a long time. Today is my son’s birthday, so my mother promised me to come to my father. Can my father also satisfy my son’s little wish?”.
Her eyes are full of expectations.
Pei Junci looked at me.
I couldn’t escape, so I stepped forward and handed him the soup I had prepared.
However, he did not answer, but looked at me steadily.
I pursed my lips. “I’m sorry.”
Seeing that he still did not speak, I had to bite the bullet and go on to say, “I shouldn’t have agreed to let those people come into the palace without asking your majesty’s opinion. It was my subordinates who tried to guess the holy will. Please forgive me..”
She poked Pei Junci.
He put his son on the ground and stepped in front of me, his eyes full of tiny stars.
“Ling.” “I’m angry because I think you don’t care about me,” he says. “The Pei family will only marry one wife in their life. It’s not just talk.”
“Ling, I know you’ve suffered a lot, so sometimes I wonder if you can stop being so stubborn and rely on me.”
“I am your husband, your husband alone.”
It was the first time I looked carefully into Pei Junci’s eyes, and his words were full of affection.
I remembered that Xiao Zicheng told me that he would marry me that year, but in the end he let me marry someone else.
I can’t believe a man’s promise too much, just like my father said a lot of sweet words when he doted on my mother and concubine.
He sent the best jewelry in the world just to make my mother happy, but finally let her be trapped in the palace and die alone.
Like Xiao Zicheng and my childhood sweetheart, after the soft light of the lotus lamp, he said he would give me a home, but in the end he failed to live up to each other’s promise.
Even if at this time Pei Junci said the words are very sincere, but the passage of time, who knows whether he will abandon me in the end.
But I really can’t stand the affection of men.
Even if my thoughts have already turned a thousand times, my eyes will still be as red as they were, and my body will still involuntarily embrace the people in front of me.
I felt Pei Junci whispering in my ear, “Ling, I will give you a home.” It was the same
as Xiao Zicheng’s words in those years, but I always felt that what he said was more certain.
I closed my eyes and let the tears rage on his clothes. Just
as God is destined to let me have another dream, just as Pei Junci really wants to go on with me, I can’t be sorry for those girls.
They are still struggling for their lives, and in the process they may meet the love of their lives, but it seems insignificant compared with this era.
I am not more noble than them, and since I have chosen to come to this point, I must be prepared to be alone. I lost my wife
a few years ago, and now I’m going to lose my husband and children.
As my mother said, I am doomed to be lonely all my life.
But it’s a decision I made and I won’t regret it. I
said I wanted them to live in dignity, and I couldn’t break my promise.
So, Pei Junci, I’m sorry. That
day the man of the sea came to pay his respects to me and brought me a kind of incense.
It is said that it was found by Hai Shangshu, and it is specially used for meditation.
Hai Guiren is the second young lady of the Hai family. She pretended to be her elder sister to attend my fifth elder sister’s flower appreciation banquet. She sang a song about chrysanthemums, which shocked four people. After making friends
with me, she said frankly that she didn’t like to show off literature. She just wanted to see the scene of the gathering of noble girls before she asked her parents. In fact, what she liked most was playing with knives and guns.
I looked at her weak body and said I didn’t believe it, so she grabbed a big knife in front of me and played tigerishly in her hand, and lifted hundreds of pounds of things, and I dared to believe that she was really born with divine power.
She said that she had been locked up in a temple to recuperate since she was a child. She happened to meet and befriend An Chengyu who was burning incense. She knew that her friend had realized her wish, so she begged me to help her.
She can be rich, but she wants to reform with those of us who have no way out, because it belongs to a woman’s freedom.
As long as there are girls begging me, as long as they want to change their destiny, I will do my best to help.
But Miss Hai is not as popular as An Chengyu, so I didn’t agree at first.
So she pestered me from early spring to deep winter, and sent me countless good things she thought, in exchange for a nod from me.
But apparently she didn’t succeed. Her elder sister died of illness, and Hai Shangshu forced her into the palace.
She handed it to me like a treasure, with the charm of her little daughter on her face. Miss
Hai Er is powerful but innocent. I can’t help spoiling her as a sister in the past few years.
I ordered Qi Qi to burn it.
She stayed till dusk, clamoring to have dinner here.
When Pei Junci came in, he happened to see her lying on my body and acting like a spoiled child. He immediately ordered people to send her back to his palace.
Hai Guiren walked very reluctantly and looked back at me frequently.
Pei Junci’s face was not very good, and he turned to close the gate tightly. He’s changed a lot
since he said that to me Imperial Study.
Every day, after dealing with political affairs, he would come to my palace to have dinner with me, and when he saw the people of the sea clinging to me, he would drive me out without mercy.
I sat on the couch and he stood in front of me so that I had to look up at him.
“Ling.” He looked at me with some grievance. “If I hadn’t come, would you have dined with her?”
I was a little amused and reached out and tugged at his sleeve.
“If you say you don’t like them, then they can’t just spend their youth in the palace and talk to them, just to pass the time.”
He was a little happier. He sat down next to me, put his head on my shoulder, and whispered, “You’ll always be with me, right?”
I pretended not to hear, and my eyes drifted to the ornaments not far away. The sunset
outside the window shone in, gilding the vases and making them look warm.
I wish you could really give me a home, but your love doesn’t allow me to protect those girls.
Since you can’t give me what I want, I can’t blame myself for getting it.
In the final analysis, I am a selfish person, and it is the pursuit and desire of those girls that make me unable to retreat.
Mingming also said that he would never regret it, but he was still greedy for the warmth of that moment.
People carry different things and take different paths.
We are not the same kind of people after all, Pei Junci.
A month later, when Qi Qi handed me a letter from An Chengyu, he brought a cluster of hibiscus flowers.
The flowers are bright red, decorated with a few drops of crystal clear dew.
I turned to look at Qi Qi, and she nodded slightly at me. Isn’t
the empress a little tired these days? When the maidservant came back with the letter and saw that the Fusang outside was open, she folded some of it back, and the empress would feel better when she saw it.
I smiled and unfolded the letter in my hand.
An Chengyu said that he had been promoted to centurion and told me about the daily life of the army as usual. He also mentioned that the women’s school had been opened to the frontier and believed that it would not take long to spread all over the country.
I read it carefully until she attached a message at the end of the letter.
An Chengyu said that Haier girl had arrived at the frontier, and she arranged to be a small soldier beside her, eating and living with her, but it was not easy to be found. The hibiscus flowers
at hand are blooming, but I am stunned in the same place.
If Miss Hai Er is in the frontier, who is this sea noble in the palace? The smell of incense in the
incense burner was faint, and the earthworm was burning warm, but I suddenly felt cold all over.
Almost subconsciously, I lifted the lid of the incense burner, looked at the remaining incense inside, and got up to call Qi Qi.
“Go to the Imperial Physician to find out what’s wrong with the incense. Don’t let anyone else find out.” I told him in a low voice.
Qi Qi looked at my face and realized the seriousness of the matter. He took the spice and hurried out. The palace of
Hai Guiren was empty, and there were basically no ornaments. She was sitting at the dresser with her back to me when
I went in, combing her long hair.
At the sound of my footsteps, she said to herself, “My sister has been a miracle since she was a child, but she was considered to have a strange disease and was raised in a temple. There are not so many conditions, so her hair is always messy. How can she be as smooth as I am?”.
I had noticed her hair, too, but Hai Guiren’s every move was the same as her sister’s, so I just thought the conditions were better.
“My sister and I are twins. Before she went to the frontier, she always regarded me as the closest person. It’s not surprising that the empress couldn’t tell me apart. After all, my father often admitted his mistakes.”
She combed her hair and began to wear it up.
My sister has been better than me ever since she was a child. She has strength and literary talent, but it’s a pity that she hasn’t gone the way she should. And after she left, my father was furious. I took all the punishment for her. As the chief culprit, the empress, don’t you owe me?
But these aren’t really a big problem. Anyway, I’ve been punished a lot since I was a child. Just the empress, obviously I am his fiancee, our mother has already made an appointment to form an in-laws. Do I have to let you sit in this seat just because you’re a princess? Why?
She turned her head and stared at me, her eyes, which had been full of innocence, full of hatred.
“The winner is the loser. The empress is smart enough. I don’t have anything to say. It’s just a pity that the day Lily in this spice is a perfect match for the hibiscus flower. It’s hard to find.”
She put all kinds of gold hairpins in her towering bun and carefully painted her makeup, as shy as a woman who was going to meet her lover. The
bronze mirror reflected two gorgeous faces, one expressionless and the other full of smiles.
I looked at a small piece of spice in the palm of my hand, and it was hard to imagine that it could kill people.
The Imperial Physician said that Hemerocallis is poisonous and has no calming effect. Although there is not much Hemerocallis in spices, it can kill people when combined with some things.
“How did you get this recipe?”
“On the other side of the Western Regions,” said Hai Guiren, who obviously knew what would happen to him and was not afraid to confess everything. “In about three months, people will get more and more tired, and then they will fall asleep without warning and fall into darkness forever.”
“Oh, I’ve said so much before I know it. Empress, where is the poisoned wine? Bring it.”
She took the poisoned wine with a charming smile and drank it down. I
stood where I was, with a complicated look. The
twin daughters of the Hai family have the same appearance, but a different life.
Soon she began to vomit blood, and the palace echoed with her laughter.
Ha ha ha.. Jun Ci Brother, Jun Ci Brother.. Will you choose me in the next life? I don’t want to be your sister anymore.
Pei Junci soon learned about Hai Guiren.
He hurried to my palace and did not stop until he saw me standing where I was. The doctors behind
him came forward to feel my pulse and came to the conclusion that I was just a little tired.
He breathed a sigh of relief, waved them down and sat me down on the couch.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was full of fatigue. “Do you know how scared I was when I heard this outside the palace? I really thought I would lose you..”
He didn’t finish because I looked up and blocked his lips.
He was stupefied for a moment, then turned the tables and continued to go deep.
I closed my eyes and felt the warm tears running down my cheeks.
Pei Junci, how nice it would be if we could really walk hand in hand.
Half a month later, the few remaining imperial concubines in the palace were also sent out of the palace by Pei Jun.
He even took great pains to forge his identity in order to prevent the old ministers from being jealous of me.
He wantonly reformed in the court, and the old aristocrats were too busy to take care of themselves and had no energy to propose the draft.
I covered up the specific formula and just told him that Hai Guiren wanted to poison me. Soon after
the concubines left the palace, they found someone to marry and continued their lives in the back house.
Pei Xun also soon knew that I was drugged, he came to accompany me every day after school, staring at me to drink bowl after bowl of tonic.
“My father is busy, so I want my son to supervise my mother.”
Pei Xun has grown a lot, and compared with the milk doll of that year, he has a little more juvenile green. After he finished speaking seriously, he handed the medicine bowl to my mouth.
“Mother, drink quickly, and then you can eat the candy.”
I did not know whether to laugh or cry, and I drank it in one gulp. When he saw that I had finished drinking, he picked up the candied fruit in Qi Qi’s hand.
“Mother, ah..”
I opened my mouth and Pei Xun put a candied fruit into my mouth.
I chewed it carefully, and the sweet taste quickly washed away the bitterness in my mouth.
He was finally satisfied, and then he pulled my sleeve and went to the bed.
“Mother, rest quickly. My son is watching her sleep.”
I had to lie in bed and close my eyes, but my mind was full of contradictions. The experience of being driven out of the palace by his mother and concubine when he
was young began to emerge again. Em
press Shufei told me so many ideas that were not in line with the times, hoping to change the times.
Xiao Zicheng and I were childhood sweethearts, but finally let me marry someone else. The girls led
by An Chengyu followed me and believed that I could take them out of the shackles.
Pei Junci wants to give me a home wholeheartedly, but he can’t give me everything I want most.
In the end, I finally came to this day. At the palace banquet
Lunar New Year’s Eve. Dressed in beautiful clothes,
I appeared with Pei Junci, listening to the avalanche of “Long live, long live, long live.” My mind was a little confused. I
don’t know what I’m doing. I said I would be cruel, but I was easily softhearted because of a candied fruit.
Pei Junci did what he said and gave me a home. He was very kind to me and regarded me as his only wife.
He gave me everything I asked for, and he was eager for me to give him a response. Unlike Xiao Zicheng,
he was willing to give up the balance between the harem and the former Dynasty for me. It
is undeniable that I am really moved by such a preference.
I looked around with mixed feelings and saw Xiao Zicheng sitting below, as well as his wife.
Bai’s complexion is ruddy, and her bright yellow skirt makes her very delicate. In comparison, I wear gold and silver, but my soul is old early.
Noticing my gaze, Bai raised his glass slightly in my direction and smiled.
I smiled back at her.
At least Bai Shi is more likable. Em
press Shufei once told me that the love when she was young was the most memorable, but also the most difficult to keep. When I
just broke up, I remembered Xiao Zicheng’s every kindness to me, but the restless heart returned to calm when I remembered his figure that did not appear.
Later, I set up Xiao Zicheng’s father and sent his crime of embezzling military pay to my father’s case, and soon I heard the news that the mighty general had been beheaded.
I have long been able to face him quietly, Xiao Zicheng under my charge, but also get what he deserves.
My hand suddenly felt a pain. I looked down and found that Pei Junci’s hand had wrapped my hand.
When he followed my line of sight, he could see Xiao Zicheng.
I withdrew my eyes and scratched my nails gently in his palm. The corners of
his mouth rose, and there was a slight smile on his face. After three rounds of
drinking, most of the people present were a little sleepy and lazily propped up their heads to watch the singing and dancing on the stage.
Pei Junci held the glass in one hand and held my hand under the table with the other hand.
I couldn’t break free, so I had to let him hold me, glancing at me casually.
I saw Hai Shangshu talking to his colleagues.
Hai Guiren’s death is said to be due to illness, but as her father, Hai Shangshu can climb from a civilian to the present position, it is impossible for him to have no means.
I have been guarding against him these days, but he seems to have accepted the fact of his daughter’s death calmly and went to court as usual.
I only looked at it a few times and then withdrew my eyes.
The hall was singing and dancing to promote peace, and many people’s faces were already flushed. It was at this moment that the
accident happened.
A cold arrow came and nailed it to the table in front of me.
Pei Junci pushed me aside and threw down the glass in his hand.
Accompanied by a “bang” sound, a large number of imperial guards poured into the hall, confronting the black-clad men who appeared on the beams at the same time. The
war was imminent, and the two sides soon scuffled together. The people in the
temple began to scream and flee. Most of
these people are humeral ministers, usually lack of exercise, and drink a lot of wine, at this time it is particularly heavy.
Those ladies are delicate, some are protected by some ministers behind them, more are running around, the field is chaotic. Standing behind Pei Junci,
I pulled out the sharp gold hairpin on my head to defend myself, and my eyes quickly swept the whole audience, looking for Pei Xun’s figure.
You must not have anything to do.
I soon found him standing by the pillars of the hall, surrounded by several guards who were fighting with the men in black. Just as
I was about to pull Pei Junci’s sleeve to signal him to take me to Pei Xun, I saw an arrow through the crowd to Pei Xun, the arrow shining with a cold light.
And Pei Xun is paying attention to the situation around him, did not notice the arrow at all.
Almost subconsciously, I frantically pushed aside the crowd and rushed over there.
“Get out of the way!” With
a light sound, I held Pei Xun in my arms and slowly opened my eyes. The
expected pain did not appear, the tall figure in front of us, blood is sliding down the hem of the robe.
Pei Junci frowned and pulled out the arrow to plug the wound.
There was a lot of noise around, but I heard the sound of the arrow falling to the ground. It wasn
‘t until all the men in black were subdued that he shook his body slightly and fell into my arms.
I was in a trance for a long time before I returned, and my hands were covered with sticky blood, which was shocking to see.
“Pei Junci, how are you? You..” I panicked, not at all as calm as usual. The man in
his arms snorted, and there was no movement. In the
middle of the night, I stood outside the hall, watching eunuchs carrying basins full of blood in and out, doctors running around, and the hall was brightly lit.
Pei Xun has been accompanying me and is putting on a cloak for me at this time.
“Mother, don’t worry. Father will be fine.” He comforted me in a low voice.
Having said that, his eyes looked into the temple from time to time, and his eyes were full of worry.
“My son..” I murmured, “How could he have been so badly wounded if it wasn’t for me?” The moment I
rushed over, I thought about it. Anyway, I had experienced the taste of being penetrated, and I could protect my son. When my mother went mad when she
was young, the gold hairpin in her hand was covered with my blood, and my thighs are still covered with scars.
Pei Junci used to be very distressed, but I have long lost the feeling.
Apart from the fact that it was a little cool at the moment when the sharp instrument pierced and a little uncomfortable to watch the blood gushing out crazily, there was really nothing else.
But I didn’t think he would help me block it. There was no warning when
I rushed over, and he had to watch my movements all the time to be so timely.
I was not hurt, but I felt a chill all over my body, a piercing chill from beginning to end.
I really don’t know what to do now. Em
press Shufei said that she wanted me to follow my heart and choose according to my intuition.
At this time, my mind was filled with two different voices.
One of them said, “That’s the belief you’ve been holding on to for so many years. You know, it’s absolutely impossible to fulfill your dream with him. Have you forgotten that there are so many girls waiting for you? How can you give up for these reasons?”
The other said, “But who doesn’t want the warmth of home? If he is so kind to you, can’t you spend your whole life with him in peace?”? Besides, it’s not like those girls can’t do without you.
Really? Without me, would Qi Qi have found someone new to lead them?
But now only I can protect them, those girls swallow their pride for so many years, is not for me to change their fate?
A voice called out: “Mother, what’s the matter with you?” Just as
I came to my senses and was about to answer, I saw the Imperial Physician walking quickly toward me: “Empress, you can go in.”
That night, the lights of the Palace of Heavenly Purity burned until dawn.
Today is the first day of the first lunar month. The outside is full of joy. I can even hear the sound of firecrackers outside the palace.
I asked everyone to rest and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Pei Junci to wake up.
Pei Xun refused to go and insisted on waiting with me.
Pei Junci saw me as soon as he opened his eyes, and a smile appeared on his pale face.
Then he saw Pei Xun on one side, and his face darkened slightly.
“You’re awake. Would you like something to eat?” Startled, I began to scramble. “The medicine is still warm on the stove. I’ll get it for you.”
When I came in with the medicine, Pei Junci had already sat up, and Pei Xun did not know where to go. When
I was in a hurry, my voice became much louder: “Lie down!” Startled,
he turned to see me and laughed at me.
I had thrown myself on the bed and pushed him down: “You …” “Ling,”
he interrupted, “you’ve never been so worried about me before.”
I was stupefied. “That’s because …”
He interrupted me again, “I remember you were lukewarm to me a few years ago, and I always took the initiative.” Red in the face,
I forced the medicine to his mouth: “What are you talking about? Drink the medicine quickly.” “What did I say?”
He asked with a half-smile. “Did I really come to you?”
My face was almost burning when Pei Xun came in with a prescription.
“Mother, this is the tranquilizing soup that the Imperial Physician has just prescribed.”
I grabbed the prescription and went out.
“Watch out here, my son. Mother will look at the prescription first.”
I was so anxious to hide it that I didn’t notice Pei Junci’s gloomy face when he saw Pei Xun behind him.
When I opened the prescription outside the hall, there were a few words in it that were particularly noticeable.
Hibiscus rosa-sinensis. I sent a sachet to my son on
New Year’s Day.
Pei Junci was not satisfied with the bedclothes I sent because of his injured identity, so he insisted that I sew one for him.
He looked better, but his face was still pale.
Afraid of my worries, every time he left the doctor in the hall, looking for an excuse to send me out.
Seeing that I was a little angry, he teased me a few words.
When I returned to the palace with a red face, I saw Qi Qi handing me a letter.
“This came from the Yanzhou School. Everyone is very grateful to the Empress.”
Qi Qi has seen nothing strange for a long time, and the girls I saved have written to me these days, wishing me peace and happiness in the new year.
I opened the letter with a smile and looked at the lines of familiar handwriting on it.
This was written to me by the girl who had lost her virginity. In
the past year, she worked as a teacher in a school in Yanzhou. There was a young man who treated her very well. He always sent her this and that in various names. He even persuaded all the relatives who opposed her to marry her home. He just asked her not to show up in public and go out to teach.
She said she really liked the young man, but she refused him without hesitation.
She wrote at the end of the letter that she wanted a stable life.
The young man was very good, and she would have agreed before.
But when she saw the students looking at her with a vision of the future, she knew she couldn’t just stick to her own happiness.
She said she was grateful that I had given her the respect of a woman, and she could not live up to my expectations.
Those girls are my security. At the end of the
reading, I could not help holding the envelope a little hard, and the edge of the letter paper was a little wrinkled.
They all believe in me wholeheartedly and believe that I can give them a new era, but I hesitate to make my own choice after so many years of layout.
I learned so much under Pei Junci, secretly cultivated so many forces, is not to complete the obsession for many years?
Women’s schools are getting bigger and bigger, and more and more girls are able to go out of their families to read and write, while female masters are under the pressure of the secular world to impart knowledge. An Chengyu of the
frontier with the sea two girls and others to fight, has climbed to the position of lieutenant.
Although they are not exposed, but sooner or later will be a showdown, when the time comes I am not sure Pei Junci will not think they deceive you.
Even if he loves me and is willing to compromise for me, there will be no place for them in the world. If
I were with Pei Junci, it would mean giving up all my ambitions and being his queen. The harp and the lyre sing harmoniously, but
we can only sing with the husband and the wife.
Obviously so many people’s lives are closely related to me, those girls choose to follow me with a lifetime stake, but I want to live a stable life.
The girl chose to give up the stability she wanted for the sake of her ideals and beliefs.
I choose to give up the stability I want, but also for the ideals and beliefs in my heart.
I promised to protect their lives, and I can’t break my promise.
Qi Qi suddenly stepped back and made a big gift to me.
“No matter what the princess wants to do, the maidservant supports the princess’s decision!” After whispering these words,
she quickly exited the palace.
Qi Qi witnessed my struggle and hesitation over the past few years, and still chose to trust me unconditionally when he knew that I might give up the plan.
She called me princess instead of empress, because that’s what we were called when we first met.
I sewed a sachet for Pei Junci, embroidered with beautiful hibiscus flowers.
Lunar New Year’s Eve that night’s assassination has been found out, my nine elder brother is the mastermind.
He was born nobly, and when his father was alive, as one of the candidates for the crown prince, he was always cocky and never took people seriously. When he saw me
that day, he didn’t remember that this was his sister.
I cleaned him up neatly and went to find my father. I really didn’t have time to pay attention to where he was exiled by me after Pei Jun resigned and ascended the throne.
Nine elder brother heart arrogant, naturally can not tolerate Pei Junci a rebellious courtier, but his power has long been deprived of completely. Over the past few years, he has been struggling in the bitter cold, and all the hands he saved with great difficulty have been placed in the palace banquet Lunar New Year’s Eve.
He specially picked that time, that is, thought that it was the most relaxed time for everyone, but did not expect Pei Junci has been spying on the people of the former Dynasty, early prepared the hands.
And that arrow was probably an accident.
I took care of Pei Junci for more than half a month, during which the news of An Chengyu has been passed on.
She somehow captured the second-in-command of the enemy, and her position in the army rose again and again, and soon the people I arranged would not be able to cover her female identity.
Besides, the war over there is coming to an end, and when the time comes, she must go to the capital to be rewarded on merit. At that time, once the identity of an Chengyu’s woman is exposed, she will be attacked by countless people.
The world does not believe that the body of a woman can also go to the battlefield to kill the enemy, even if an Chengyu their every merit is desperate, will also be imposed on bad speculation. There is a lot of harshness to women in
this world.
And I let Qi Qi stare at Hai Shangshu these days, and finally the news came at the end of the month.
Hai Shangshu won’t care how Hai Guiren died, but the death of Hai Guiren will make him feel that his safety is threatened, and Pei Junci is ready to attack him. In
the former court, he was a famous old sly in the court, and the grass on the wall always fell with the wind, and I went to show my loyalty to whichever brother was in power.
And his lip service is really good, unexpectedly can come and go freely in the camp of my several imperial brothers, mix like a fish in water.
When Pei Junci ascended the throne, he wantonly cleaned up the old ministers of the former Dynasty, and it was he who took the lead in surrendering.
Later, he also contributed money and effort to the reform, and seemed to be extremely loyal.
Now the new king no longer trusts him, and happens to be seriously injured, at this time there is no better chance not to start. I was surprised when
Xiao Zicheng walked in with people, but he soon calmed down.
I didn’t expect to hide it from him all my life. It seems that Hai Shangshu told him all the truth. Qi Qi caught an eavesdropper
that night, but the man committed suicide without any token of identity.
Over the years, I have been unable to trace the people behind the scenes, Xiao Zicheng there is no news, it seems that Hai Shangshu still feel that my side is worth betting.
But it’s not surprising that he knows that my father prefers people with sweet mouths.
At that time, Hai Shangshu was so eloquent that it was not uncommon to persuade many of my brothers to please my father at the same time.
Now that he has told Xiao Zicheng the truth, it seems that he has decided to give up my side.
At that time, the General’s Office was already a spent force. It looked magnificent on the outside, but it was already corrupt inside.
I just made the straw that broke the camel’s back.
That year, the military power in the hands of Xiao Zicheng played a great role, so Pei Junci took it back one after another after he ascended the throne.
Up to now, Xiao Zicheng’s hands should still have the management power of the garrison troops.
I arranged a lot of people to stay outside the Palace of Heavenly Purity. I must hide what happened to Pei Junci today. I sat alone in the position representing the supreme imperial power.
Fortunately, Pei Junci did not have much energy to deal with political affairs these days, coupled with my deliberate concealment, he did not know what Hai Shangshu had done. It feels good to be
on top. The ambition I had hidden in my
heart began to stir again.
Xiao Zicheng walked into the resplendent hall with a sword, followed by a dense crowd of people.
Seeing me sitting on the throne grandly, those people all stared.
Hai Shangshu followed him openly, seemingly feeling that the outcome had been decided.
It seems that these years are too quiet, after those old ministers left, these people have forgotten how I entered the palace. The fighting outside the
hall was still going on, but it was quiet inside.
Hsiao Tzu-cheng was the first to break the silence: “How is the empress recently?”
I stroked the smooth table in front of me and said carelessly, “Nature is excellent.”
“After all, the feeling of being in power is not something that ordinary people can get.”
Xiao Zicheng’s face was expressionless. He took a few steps forward and did not stop until he came down the stairs.
“The glory of the empress today is the result of the destruction of the General’s Office. I don’t know if the empress will hear the lament of her father when she dreams back at midnight.”
I played with the ruby dagger in my hand and laughed when I heard it.
“The General Protector is worrying too much. After all, the joy of the world is enough to dilute the guilt of the palace, isn’t it?”
Xiao Zicheng was blocked by me and could not speak, and his face, which had been full of vigor and vitality, was also gloomy. Just as
he was about to say something, he saw that I suddenly changed my expression and looked up at the green and tender of my youth, as well as the love for the people in front of me.
“Brother Tzu-cheng.”
The sound made him freeze in place, and his thoughts seemed to drift away from when we were childhood sweethearts many years ago.
While he was stunned, I got up and walked to the bottom of the steps and looked at him with his most familiar expression.
“Brother Tzu-cheng.” I whispered, “Ling Hua wants to be alone with you for a while. Can you let them go out first?”
Hai Shangshu glared at me and said, “General, don’t listen to her. Your subordinates will rush up and destroy this witch!”
Oh, so I’m already a witch.
But your new master may not listen to you.
Sure enough, Hsiao Tzu-cheng said, “You go out first.”
Aware of Hai Shangshu’s reluctance, he turned to look at him.
“I remember it was you who said to be loyal to me.” The people in the
hall quickly retreated, leaving me and him alone.
Again, it was Xiao Tzu-cheng who first said, “Ling Hua, it was I who was sorry for you. Why did I hurt my father?”
Still questioned, but the tone eased a lot, but a bit of the flavor of that year.
It’s just, how can you say I did it when it was your father who did it?
I tried to make my eyes sad and sad.
Brother Tzu-cheng, then why did you abandon me? You said you would marry me.
“I waited for you for a long time that day, but you didn’t show up until I entered the bridal chamber.”
I hate you so much, so I want to get back at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry..
I covered my face and cried.
I felt myself falling into a warm embrace, and the familiar smell enveloped my whole body.
I’m not really used to it, but I still try to control my body.
“Brother Tzu-cheng?”
At this time Xiao Zicheng will see a beautiful woman with tears in her eyes, and that beautiful woman’s eyes are all his appearance.
“Ling Hua.” As I expected, he suddenly panicked. “I didn’t abandon you. I really wanted to go to find you, but my father, my father wouldn’t let me go. He said that the imperial decree granted me marriage, and if I dared to rob the marriage, the whole General’s Office would be buried with me!”.
“Then why have you ignored me for so many years, met me like a stranger, and married someone else?”
I controlled the voice to make it tremble.
Do you know what I’ve been doing all these years? Every time I see you, I can’t help but want to cry, and I can only pretend that nothing has happened. Your wife also said that your husband and wife love each other, and told me not to think about things that don’t belong to me!
This of course is false, Bai Shi is very clever, how can do such a stupid thing.
But Xiao Zicheng believed it, and he wiped my tears in a panic.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Ling Hua, it’s all my fault, I’m sorry for you..”
“As long as you can forgive me, I can do whatever I want to make up for it!”
He almost forgot what he was doing here tonight. It seems that he really felt guilty about that year and loved me very much.
However, who cares about these, since you know you have no ability, why give me a promise, the imperial edict, the mighty general must tell him the harm of the decree.
In fact, I was not so ambitious before.
At that time, although Empress Shufei told me not to rely too much on others, I just felt that she was too worried.
I’ll have two lovely children with him, and I’ll be Mrs. Shaw.
My father is indifferent to me, and he may wish me to marry to the General’s Office to contain him.
My father, my mother and my concubine are indifferent to me, but I want to live out my elegance.
At that time, I was in the limelight, and people who had bullied me could only look up to me.
In the face of those lives, I seem to have forgotten the independence I have wanted day and night for many years, forgotten the self-reliance and self-improvement that Shufei taught me, and only thought about the indulgence in front of me.
It’s just that the world is changeable, and I married into Yangping Hou Mansion with disappointment.
From then on, I parted ways with him, and I saved one unwilling girl after another, and I was determined to change this era.
Perhaps from the moment I entered Yangping Hou Fu, the innocence of the past was abandoned. The idea of
so-called freedom and equality really began to emerge in my mind.
As Empress Shufei said, who is worse than a woman?
So to some extent, I should thank Xiao Zicheng.
Really? Brother Tzu-cheng, can you do anything? I lowered my eyes to hide the emotion rolling in my eyes.
He thought that I would finally forgive him after a lot of words.
“Of course, if you say so, I will..”
His voice stopped abruptly, and his eyes drifted down inch by inch to the dagger in his chest.
I chuckled. “Why don’t you go die, brother Tzu-cheng, so that Ling Hua won’t be angry?”
He opened his mouth and said, “Ling Hua, you..” I have a little memory
in my eyes.
Brother Tzu-cheng, do you remember? This dagger is your birthday gift to me.
“At the Lantern Festival that year, you said you would marry me, but in the end you broke your promise.”
“I thought you knew how narrow-minded I am. You have failed me, but you have to pay me back with all you have.”
Xiao Zicheng slipped to the ground feebly and grabbed my skirt with his blood-stained hand.
“Ling Hua..” He said, “If I had come to marry you, wouldn’t we have come this far?”
I turned away from him.
“But you didn’t come after all.” The light in
his eyes went out inch by inch and gradually turned into darkness.
“I’m sorry..” That was the last thing he said.
The next second, his head fell heavily to the ground and there was no interest.
I pulled out the ruby dagger and casually rubbed it against Xiao Zicheng’s robe to wipe away the blood. When
he looked down and saw the blood on his skirt, he couldn’t help tutting.
Those words, of course, are deceiving him, so many years have been in love with his lies, Xiao Zicheng will believe.
Finally, the birthday ceremony is also false. The dagger
he gave me had been thrown away by me long ago, and the one in my hand was just turned out from the warehouse.
It’s just similar. As for why I continue to act in the end, it’s because I won’t do anything I’m not sure about. What
if Xiao Zicheng kills me instead of poking me?
When the time comes to play the emotional card is not much use, cheat once OK, the second time is too underestimated Xiao Zicheng.
He can get into the palace with those people, and his own strength is not to be underestimated.
However, I diverted my attention in a few words. Xiao Zicheng was afraid of his father’s death, but he was just angry with me to add fuel to the flames.
It’s just that I’ve been planning for a few years, relying on how many people to do things, and he wants to succeed with thousands of people, which is too naive.
He felt a lot of guilt towards me, which was worthy of the public persona I had created for him over the years.
I’ve been waiting for him to know the truth one day, and everything has been prepared for a long time.
Qi Qi came out of the dark with a crossbow in his hand.
If I don’t succeed in killing Xiao Zicheng, she will mend the knife.
Fortunately, he was too confident that I still loved him. Qi Qi and
I looked at each other and walked together to the door of the temple. Those people brought by
Xiao Zicheng can’t help it.
However, as soon as I went out, I saw that the rest of the men had dropped their weapons and stood well aside with the imperial guards, while Hai Shangshu was tied up. In front of
me stood a woman in a bright yellow dress. When she saw me coming out, she smiled.
I looked at her and laughed too.
Bai Shi, you are really a wise man. On the last day of
March, I came to the Palace of Heavenly Purity alone.
Pei Junci was leaning on the bed and looking at me, with the sachet tied around his waist.
He looks much thinner and Pale. After
a few months, the toxin should break out.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up into his eyes.
“Am I going to die?” He whispered, fiddling with the sachet at his waist.
I was silent.
Pei Junci looked at me sitting far away, then stretched out his hand to pull me over, he had no strength, the range of pulling is also very small.
I got up in a hurry, but he laughed softly.
Come here, will you? Ling, this may be the last time I see you.
My pupils shrank imperceptibly and I sat down in front of him.
“Do you know when I first saw you?”
He raised his hand and pulled my stray hair behind his ear.
“When I was a child, I followed my father to the palace. I got lost and met you, who was being bullied.”
“You clenched your fists and refused to let go, letting those people beat you.”
He looked at me with a familiar affection in his eyes.
“Then I helped you out, and you took me out, and when you left, you handed me a piece of osmanthus cake.”
“you said that I had taken this piece of Osmanthus cake from Imperial Kitchen and would give it to You. Thank you for helping me out.”
“I soon followed my father out of the palace. I don’t know your name, but I remember that the little girl had a red mole on her hand, like a drop of blood.”
I subconsciously raised my hand to touch it, and there was indeed a mole in the tiger’s mouth of my right hand, which was bright and beautiful.
That memory also began to appear vaguely.
35 When I was a child, I
did meet a brother in white. In order to thank him for helping me out, I gave him a piece of osmanthus cake. I
was hungry for a long time before I finally got it, and my so-called brothers and sisters said I was a thief and kicked and punched me.
Their mother and concubine dote on them in every way, how can they experience the taste of hunger.
At that time, I was so hungry that I wanted to swallow everything I saw.
But that brother is different. He will tell me that your eyes are very beautiful.
It’s just a pity that I never saw him again after that, and I regretted it for a long time.
I didn’t think he was Pei Junci.
Seeing that my expression began to change, Pei Junci said no more and lay down quietly, but these movements also made him catch his breath in a hurry.
He has little strength. Subconsciously,
I went to help him: “Pei Junci..” “Will you let me sleep?”
He whispered.
“I’m so tired..”
I burst into tears: “Pei Junci, I’m sorry, I’m sorry..” A few days
ago, Xiao Zicheng’s apology made me feel that it was the most useless three words in the world, but now I said the same thing. Only
then did I really realize that the so-called sorry was just the greatest remedy I could make up for when I felt powerless.
Pei Jun-ci gently wiped the tears from my face, and the words he uttered were the same as when we first met: “Don’t cry, I should have died.” Do you
know why the Pei family can only marry one wife in their lifetime? The strange disease we carry in our families prevents us from living past the age of 40, so we don’t harm more girls.
Ling doesn’t have to feel guilty. It’s worth it to exchange my short life for your wish. Over the years, I know your temper and what you think, and what you do for those women in silence. I believe you can do a good job, and I am very relieved.
“You will make a good king.”
“Well, since I lied to you and you lied to me, shall we just call it quits?” He asked me with a smile.
It turned out that he always knew what I wanted and could see what I was doing. What
he said to me about the so-called respect for men is false and deceives me.
Original It turned out that in those years, his occasional cough, his pale face, the faint taste floating in the Imperial Study, the bowl flashing after the memorial, and the injury he could not get better and the mysterious words of the God of medicine were all symbols of his illness.
No wonder no one has ever seen the old Pei family, no wonder the Pei family’s family precepts are so affectionate that they ignore their descendants, no wonder he looks very afraid, but let my means go. After
all these years, he can still see my inner thoughts at a glance.
Finally he asked me, “Ling, you..” Have you ever loved me?
I was hesitating whether to open my mouth or not, but I saw the person in front of me slowly close his dazzling eyes after he finished speaking.
Every time he sees me, his eyes are full of bright stars, even if he knows that I have poisoned him.
I set the game for many years, but in my self-righteous struggle, he has been trying to help me, but to hide everywhere, so in the end we lose.
After I trembled and said “I love you,” Pei Junci’s head tilted to the side, as if in response, and then there was no more movement. With a smile on his
lips, he fell into the endless darkness forever.
Pei Junci, next life.
May I be like the moon and the king like the stars.
May the Chinese flow shine on you month by month.
I supported Pei Xun to ascend the throne.
But before I could plan to see him off, he offered me the throne and took a girl to the south of the Yangtze River.
I ascended the throne with little pressure, and the court must be full of people who were ready.
He knew that his life was not long, and he was willing to put the throne in my hands.
For so many years, he must have witnessed my growth and secretly arranged everything for me.
From the beginning to the end, he is the one who fits my soul best. He understands my ambition and ideal, believes in my ability, and is willing to help me change this era.
I really miss him a lot, and even the truth needs him to comfort me.
But sometimes, I would rather I was the ruthless person, and the person I did it was someone else.
He was supposed to live a good and happy life, and he would never meet me.
Pei Xun even arranged an assassination and faked his death out of the palace. When he met the minister
before, he also dealt with his appearance and left smoothly without disturbing anyone.
When he left, he said goodbye to me and said frankly that he had fallen in love with the girl and would follow her to her hometown, Jiangnan.
Pei Xun said, “Ah Niang is so smart. She must have known who taught me to do this. But Ah Niang doesn’t have to be sad. My father and I have never been angry with you.”
“My father says that my mother is the best woman in the world, and he always asks me to come to you.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever come back. Ah Niang, take care of yourself.”
He stood there talking, tall and straight, like Pei Junci before.
“Ah Niang has to work hard, and Xiuxiu and I will always support you!”
Pei Xun gave me a hearty smile, pulled the girl named Xiuxiu down the stairs, waved to me from a distance, and never looked back. After the
Spring and Autumn Period, I was very, very old, and the throne had already been passed to a daughter of the imperial clan.
Like me and An Chengyu, she is a person who is unwilling to accept the status quo.
She managed the country in good order, and women were finally able to take part in the imperial examination and go to court to discuss politics with men.
An Chengyu has always been a general. I gave her the General’s Office in the capital, but she lived in the barracks all the year round.
She died in the frontier, and her ashes were scattered on the land she loved. Miss
Hai Er married a man and was a lieutenant. She guarded the frontier with the man she loved. They
gave birth to a daughter, and the little girl inherited her parents’ career and picked up the red-tasseled gun. The female masters
of Yanzhou School never married and taught a number of female students.
They entered the society, took part in the imperial examination, and were never afraid of rumors.
They said that the Master had taught them not to care about the opinions of the outside world, but to be themselves.
They said, the master also taught that if you don’t love yourself, who else will respect you? During my
reign, I promoted women’s schools and spread the idea that women were no one’s accessories.
I let women really be their own masters and protect all the girls who resist the secular world.
They wrote me in the history books and called me the first female emperor through the ages.
That day I took Qi Qi up the high wall.
Qi Qi is also very old. She has always kept her promise to me and witnessed my changing times.
I am ambitious. I want to be the most supreme person in the world.
But this is not contradictory to the era when I want women to be able to make decisions. Only in that position can I get all the things I want.
Without desire, there is no ideal!
But I used to be so eager to have a stable. I
blew the oncoming cold wind, and I was more awake than ever.
I looked at the horizon, as if I saw the familiar figure again, and he smiled slowly at me.
Pei Junci, I miss you.
You have gone, my son has left, the curse of my mother has come true, and I am really lonely all my life.
No, not really.
I remember someone wrote to me before that those girls were her friends.
I am not alone. Those girls are as much mine as hers.
Chengyu, the two girls of Hai, the female master of Yanzhou School, and Qi Qi.
I remember Xiao Zicheng asked me if I would regret it.
Now I stroke the sachet embroidered with hibiscus flowers in the palm of my hand and whisper to the distance, “I don’t regret it.”
The sound soon dissipated in the wind.
I do not regret, at least this world is indeed as I wish, the sea is clear, everything is peaceful.
[Side Story: Pei Xun’s Perspective]
1
My name is Pei Xun. Before I was
fifteen years old, my name was Pei Xun, and my father and mother called me her son.
I also have an identity as Emperor Xuanping who died early.
My father and mother are both emperors.
My mother is the first female emperor through the ages. During her
reign, she knew how to appoint people, was thrifty and loved the people.
The most important thing is to treat women and men equally and to promote the idea of women’s autonomy. In the dead of
night, I will think of the old days.
At that time, my father was still there. Although
Ah Niang doesn’t care much about me, I know she loves me.
Otherwise, she would not have panicked and rushed to protect me Lunar New Year’s Eve that year.
However, Ah Niang was absent from a lot of my growth.
I was brought up by my father.
When I was a child, I was not close to my mother, and I wanted to find my father, so he scolded me severely.
Dad said, Ah Niang is the best girl in the world, and I want to take the initiative.
So I began to stick to Ah Niang.
She was not used to it at first, and after a period of time she would be willing to hug me back, but her eyes were always complicated, not as clear as when my father looked at me.
I don’t know why Ah Niang doesn’t like me. It was not
until my father left that I knew the truth in the letter he left me.
A Niang secretly saved many girls in the early years.
They are more or less restricted because of the identity of women, so Ah Niang has been planning to replace her father, so as to save those girls, and even change the views of the times on women.
Ah Niang didn’t get close to me because she wanted me to be a girl so she wouldn’t have to send me away. Over the
years, she has been struggling, but there is no way, since you want to do, you have to do it thoroughly.
Father has never been good at words, he loves a Niang but dare not tell her, leading to a Niang has been misunderstood by him.
Later, Ah Niang recruited several concubines into the palace against his wishes, and he finally realized that it was wrong.
From then on, he began to show his fervent love, but Ah Niang never changed her plan.
Father’s life is not long, he has long known the ambition of a Niang, but he never told a Niang.
Obviously likes her very much, but always lets her misunderstand that they are not the same heart.
Father said that he was afraid that his mother would be sad in the future.
After all, she would live to be ninety-nine, and he would leave before he was forty.
Father secretly arranged a good man to reveal the news to Ah Niang, so that Ah Niang could learn all kinds of imperial mind skills, so that she could show her strength in the future.
Dad told me that Ah Niang was the most intelligent and courageous woman he had ever seen, and he was willing to give everything, including the throne.
Dad said that he had always supported Ah Niang’s idea of changing the status of women, and believed that Ah Niang could do a good job.
He asked people to teach me all kinds of skills, but he never revealed too many ways of checks and balances that emperors should learn.
Dad is not good at words, and he doesn’t dare to show who he likes.
A Niang seems to be very dull in emotion.
She didn’t even notice that her father often wanted to drink medicine, and she was fobbed off by all kinds of excuses from her father.
I remember when I was young, I was playing on my father’s knee, and he suddenly began to cough, which tore his heart and lungs.
I was worried to find someone, but he stopped me and asked me not to tell Ah Niang.
He lied to me that it was our little secret, and I believed him. When I
grow up, I will never be cheated by him again, but my father always wants me to cover for him in front of his mother.
In fact, after he left, I should have resented Ah Niang, but I couldn’t say anything when I looked into her lost eyes.
I think Ah Niang should also be very sad. Before
I met Xiuxiu, I didn’t understand why my father could tolerate my mother infinitely and arrange everything for her without telling her. I didn’t understand why
until I tasted the love that belonged to me.
Like a person, probably want to hold all the good things in the world in front of her, just to make her laugh. It is the most basic rule for a man
not to let his lover feel sad because of himself.
A Niang also loves a father, but the fate is always a little bit worse.
A Niang is great. She has changed an era.
Father is also very great, he clearly made all the arrangements, but do not let a Niang know the truth.
However, such a clever person as Ah Niang must have realized it, otherwise she would not have looked at the dead father with such painful eyes. The eyes, which
used to be as clear as colored glaze, were broken after Dad left.
My wife’s name is Xiuxiu. She is a business woman. When she
was young, she was lucky enough to enter the women’s school founded by my mother, but because of her lack of talent, she finally chose to drop out of school.
But it doesn’t matter, her ability to count is very strong, in fact, she doesn’t need to read many words to do business, as long as she can understand the abacus.
So her business grew bigger and bigger, and her shop went all the way to the capital. Since I
came to the south of the Yangtze River, I have been paying close attention to the movement of the capital, and Xiuxiu also helped me to inquire about it.
Niang really did a very good job, just like Dad and I expected.
Xiuxiu has always worshipped Ah Niang. She was very excited when she knew I was Ah Niang’s child. She jumped up and kissed me.
She said that if it wasn’t for my mother, she might still feel humble and dare not show up in public to do business, let alone open her shop in the capital.
I was shocked by her bold behavior, and she laughed and jumped on me and kissed me again.
Xiuxiu has been bold and shrewish since childhood. When she was
five years old, she was taught to curse in the street by the women in the neighborhood. After
we got married, she scolded all the people around her who wanted to touch me because they were peeping at me.
That day, I couldn’t hold it.
Xiuxiu is different from all the women I have ever seen.
In the past, those aristocratic daughters had their own status and never spoke loudly.
They were as delicate as the peonies in the Imperial Garden, and the girls with Ah Niang were iron-boned roses with thorns.
I have never seen such a little pepper as Xiuxiu.
She would suddenly kiss me when I was bowing my head to settle accounts, and she would jump up and ask me to hug her where no one was, hot but clingy.
But I know that she is not the kind of silk flower that needs to depend on others to live. Before
I appeared, she managed the huge family business by herself, opened the shop all the way to the capital, and handled everything neatly.
She may not be the kind of woman like Ah Niang, but she is indeed the best girl in the world, a little pepper that belongs only to me. Xiuxiu and
I had no children, so she adopted a little beggar.
Xiuxiu said that when she was walking on the road that day, she turned around and saw the little beggar staring at her dress, her eyes full of envy. Moved with compassion,
she brought the man back for a meal.
Later, I found that the little beggar was really excellent, so I adopted him as our child.
One day Xiuxiu got up early and opened the door, but suddenly gave a cry of surprise.
I hurried to look, but I saw an old woman standing outside the door.
The old woman’s silver hair was combed meticulously, her posture was upright, and her appearance could vaguely show her former beauty.
I recognized Qi Qi at a glance.
She went into the room and knelt down, hoping that I would go to the capital to see Ah Niang.
She was delirious from her illness and kept calling out to the people who had left.
Pei Junci, Empress Shufei, and me.
But the first two have passed away, and I am the only one she loves in the world.
Qi Qi said that she knew she shouldn’t bother me, but she still hoped that I could go to see Ah Niang for the last time.
She said that she had been watching me secretly all these years, but she didn’t dare to show up.
I finally went.
That day I stood in front of her bed and saw her old body.
She closed her eyes, tears in the corners of her eyes, and murmured something.
I leaned closer and recognized her calling my father’s name.
She said, Pei Junci, I’m sorry. And
she called my name.
She said, “My son, Ah Niang is sorry for you.”.
She called Shufei again.
She said, empress, I did it.
I held her cold hand. It was a long way
from the south of the Yangtze River to the capital, and even though I was speeding up, Ah Niang was already dying when I arrived.
The Imperial Physician said he was afraid that he would not live to see tomorrow.
I rubbed her wrinkled hand quietly, but unexpectedly found a sachet in the palm of my hand.
Sachet embroidered with hibiscus flowers, has been very old, but still delicate, see the owner’s intentions.
I know it’s Dad’s stuff.
At that time, Ah Niang’s gift to his father became his father’s reminder, but it also became the only thing he left behind. I’ve been frantically searching for the cause of his death for a
few days, and there’s no clue.
Later, I slowly explored by myself, and finally figured out the whole story.
Dad doesn’t want me to know the truth.
Just like at the end of the letter he left me, he wrote that I must not tell Ah Niang. Before he
left, he told Ah Niang that his life was not long so that she could relax. How could he let me tell her the more cruel truth many years later?
I looked at the thin figure on the bed and kept silent.
I do not know when, the vigorous and resolute Ah Niang also became so thin and weak.
I used to hate her, but she did give me all she could.
She is not a good wife and mother, but a wise king.
Now she is old, and I have reached middle age.
The past is like a passing cloud.
Suddenly, she gave a soft cry.
“Pei Jun Ci.”
Or Dad’s name. When I
was young, I caught the two of them teasing each other.
Niang called out her father’s name, and his father said with a smile that he was there.
They repeated it many times, but the father never showed any boredom.
Ah Niang called out again.
I answered.
“I’m here.”
A Niang once said that my voice was very similar to that of my father.
Now that she has passed away, these are the only responses to her dying call.
Niang was silent, and her frowning brows stretched out.
She lay quietly on the bed, silent.
I pushed her messy broken hair aside and arranged her skirt for her, just like she did to me when she was a child. Forty years have passed
in a flash, and the world has been turned upside down. The decorations in the
hall are the same as before. The sachet
embroidered with hibiscus flowers was held tightly in his hand. The man on the
bed never opened his eyes again.
(End)
Author: Titan Yangke
Record No.: YXX14RRz00vtYYYJb8NiMm
Jy Encounter Crane
The passing away of beauty: Remembering the time when
the love is thick and the thrush is thick, the cat is waiting for
the cat
