Today I will be the
first love, the old love, the new love
. I married the man I liked when I was seventeen, but he didn’t like me. The first night I
moved into Shen Qingyun’s villa, I tossed and turned, and my heart floated in the clouds. I woke up
in the middle of the night, and there was no sign of him on my pillow.
My eyes found him.
He leaned against the edge of the balcony, and Qinghui fell all over, looking up, not knowing what he was looking at.
I wondered if he was thinking about his moon.
I, on the other hand, can only have this cold glimmer for a moment.
This is the third time I have seen Shen Qingyun in ten years.
The first time was two weeks ago in a coffee shop when he calmly said to me, “Weitunan, we’re getting married.”
I looked out of the window. The whole city was engulfed in a rainstorm. The shadows of the trees and the umbrellas were all staggering. In the
overwhelming rain curtain, I quietly clenched my whole heart.
After a pause of a few seconds, I suppressed my emotions and nodded as if nothing had happened.
The second side is in the Civil Affairs Bureau, to pull the card. Under the
fierce sun, I held the bright red and brand-new book in my hand, with mixed feelings in my heart.
He opened the passenger door for me very gentlemanly and drove me to the hotel to meet the elders of both sides. Nothing to say
all the way. At
the dinner table, he looked free to socialize, and I was constantly scolded by my parents next to me for being dull and ignorant. The
parents were nervous but with a clever smile on their faces, and carefully told the whole story of the small abacus.
But the abacus beads are in my face.
And Shen Qingyun’s parents, like him, are quietly tactful. Only when he looked at me, his eyes were a little more eager. No matter how you look at
it, I’m trying to curry favor with Shen Qingyun.
But in fact, marrying Shen Qingyun is not what I mean.
I know Shen Qingyun doesn’t like me. What
he has always loved is the white moonlight in a foreign country.
How much?
Probably, as much as I like him.
So when my parents told me that the Shen family wanted me to be their daughter-in-law, I refused.
My mother pointed her finger heavily at my head and scolded me,
“Wei Tunan, are you out of your mind? Do you think you can find a better one besides the Shen family?”
Seeing that I was silent, my father smoked a cigarette and said thoughtfully,
“You married there. Your brother can also get an official position in the Shen family. Don’t fool around.
I am stupefied, on second thought, is also, after all, Shen Jiajia great cause, the city can not find a higher branch.
But they do not know, it is because of their mind, I do not want to marry Shen Qingyun. The business of the
Shen family is really big.
Shen Qingyun’s father is the director of the Education Bureau and his mother is a university professor. The family business of the
Shen family is in the hands of Mr. Shen.
Shen Qingyun was a top student in the law department of Peking University at that time. After graduation, his official career was smooth sailing and he was young and promising. He is
a living winner in life.
And my family is dwarfed.
My parents are both employees of a small company, and they have only heard about Director Shen.
But that’s enough to hear, and they’re already imagining the benefits of the marriage.
I don’t know if all parents treat their daughters as a money-losing business, but they rack their brains to get the money back.
But my parents are like this. They never shy away from exposing their greed and calculation in front of me, even in the name of “repaying their kindness.”.
I know it’s not my fault to be a girl, but pride and pride force me to keep my mouth shut about things at home. The fact that I am
not loved by my parents is a bit humiliating, and others always think that I am not good.
Especially when that person is Shen Qingyun, I don’t want to get involved in the family with him. Whoever
you marry is the water poured out. Who can you marry and have so many benefits from the Shen family? Why do you want us to keep you for all these years?
Seeing that I was indifferent, my mother was so angry that she pointed at my nose and cursed at the top of her voice.
Although I have been disappointed for a long time, I still feel depressed.
“I married the Shen family. Did you raise me all these years, and then pay it off?”.
I looked up at her coldly.
Her eyes flashed with hesitation, as if she were still calculating whether it was worth it. Her husband, who was
standing next to her, cleared his throat and answered, “You should have married before. We’ll go to the Shen family. You don’t owe anything.” With a sniff,
I got up with my bag and left. After
marrying Shen Qingyun, my life has not changed much.
The biggest change is that I moved into Shen Qingyun’s villa from the small house I saved money to buy after graduation.
In the past, I had to squeeze into the subway to go to school. After Shen Qingyun gave me a car, I could finally start sucking blood from the capitalists. I work as an associate professor
in a university. I don’t have many classes, and I stay at home in my spare time.
Shen Qingyun got up early and went to work in the office in the dark, and it was hard to see anyone when he was busy. When
we are free, we will stay in the house together and do our own things. As
I sat on the patio swing, he sank into the beanbag couch, a few steps away from me.
At first, I could not avoid paying attention to his every move, like sitting on pins and needles, and then gradually I did not care.
Occasionally, he would sit up, close the book, and discuss with me with a serious look. During the inevitable war of words
, he quoted the classics and I quoted extensively.
Finally, he carried me to the bedroom.
Ordinary weekend, Shen Qingyun still nest in the sofa reading. I glanced at the cover, “Letter from an Unknown Woman.”.
The sun was slanting in the west, and the orange sunset was falling on Shen Qingyun. He wore a beige sweater and light gray slacks, and his three-dimensional features became soft.
His usual cold and aggressive sharpness was gone, and the remaining softness was full of childishness.
As in the poem, the wind is shaking its leaves, the grass is bearing its seeds, and we are beautiful without talking.
I suddenly feel that such a day is really good.
The only pity is that we don’t love each other.
Putting away the book, he suddenly asked me, “Do you think if you love someone, you should keep silent or take the initiative?”
I felt excited and expectant. We had never touched such a topic before.
A man and a woman suddenly talked about love, which was somewhat ambiguous.
However, I still sat up straight and answered honestly,
“There are many things in this world that can depend on our hard work, but for love, I don’t want to work too hard.”. What
I want is for two people to be equal, to love and be loved equally.
For a moment, I looked at him hopefully and waited for his answer with interest.
He was silent for a while, then suddenly said, “Loyan went back to China some time ago.” What I thought was beautiful
just now suddenly turned into a slap in the face and slapped me hard.
I felt some hanging on my face, a slight fever, followed by a faint anger.
Luo Yan is the white moonlight of Shen Qingyun.
The expected balance of love has not yet been set up, but the weight has fallen into the deep sea. I
don’t want to start. I try to look calm. “So?”
“There’s something wrong with her family this time, so they asked me to have dinner and think about it together.” The word “together” made
my heart sour, and some bad memories flooded into my mind. I couldn’t help but feel weird. “I understand. She’s back. I’ll make room for you two.”
“All right, what are you talking about?”
“Why do you disgust me?”
He suddenly got up and dropped a sentence, “It doesn’t make any sense.”
The next day, on the weekend, Shen’s mother called me to go shopping.
She and I happen to work in the same school, she likes me very much, so I vaguely guess that I married Shen Qingyun, should be her meaning.
Or what? I can’t expect Shen Qingyun to like me.
Thinking of him, I called him a “bastard” in my heart.
“Did you quarrel with Qingyun?”
Mother Shen took me on her arm and reached out with the other hand to try on the material of an expensive overcoat.
Her voice was gentle and soft, but with a faint sense of unhurried oppression.
“No.” Less is better than
more, and I naturally hid it.
She gave a little laugh.
This dress looks very good, but it’s a pity that the material is a little poor. You said you liked the bag just now. Can I buy it to make amends for you? Ching-yun doesn’t know how to coax people, so she called me early in the morning and asked me to take you out for a walk to relax.
I secretly guessed that the last sentence was mostly false. Although Shen’s mother looked like she had no shelf, she was actually too smart.
“It’s really nothing. You don’t have to spend any money.”
She still told the clerk to wrap it up, and I quietly glanced at the price, six figures, trying to stop it, but she held it tightly.
I like you as a child, and Qingyun likes you very much. You have known each other for so many years, and now you have finally come to fruition. Fate is the hardest thing to find. I hope both of you will cherish it.
Her voice was somewhat stern, not angry, and I had to answer it gently. After breaking up
that day, Shen Qingyun was on a business trip for half a month.
Maybe it’s because Luo Yan’s return to China reminds me of the past frequently. The cicadas chirp
outside the window, and the stuffy air in the classroom locks all the restlessness. Through the mottled branches, the
fierce sun cast a fragmented shadow on the desk.
The Chinese teacher spits excitedly on the platform, and there are many sleepy childish faces in the corner.
Speaking of family customs, she suddenly became interested and randomly ordered several students to ask their names. In the
corner, I was seventeen years old-a girl of seventeen whose name was Wei Tunan. I was so
nervous that I broke into a cold sweat.
I repeated my name over and over again in my heart, Tu Nan, Tu Nan.
My parents want a son, and I’m a girl.
My name is just something they use to make a wish, just the wings to carry their expectations, and they want to use my name in exchange.
This Is it possible to say? The
girl’s pride seemed to be thrown into the washing machine, soaked in cold water, and twisted again and again.
“Tell me about it, Tunan.”
My Chinese grades are good, and the teacher’s attitude towards me is always kind and tolerant.
But now, I’m in a cold sweat.
Her tolerance and kindness could not make me relax any more.
I stood up stiffly and my heart was in my throat when suddenly a piece of chalk hit me.
I was startled, but the chalk flew past my eyes and hit my sleeping deskmate heavily.
He sat up sleepily, his eyes dull and vacant. The
Chinese teacher was so angry that he shouted angrily, “Tell me, what does Wei Tunan’s name mean?”
I turned my head and continued to stand in silence without looking at him again. From the
quiet classroom came the sound of stool feet scraping the ground, and I could feel the people around me standing up slowly. There is a saying
in Peripatetic Excursion that the man who shakes the ram’s horn and ascends ninety thousand Li away is cut off from the clouds, loses the blue sky, and then goes to the south.
Tu’nan means to go to a distant place.
The teacher seemed satisfied with the answer and asked us to sit down, smiling and saying that Tunan was a good name.
At that moment, I was more grateful to my deskmate than ever before, and it was the first time I looked at my deskmate seriously.
The sun is so hot, so strong, so caught off guard to illuminate the corner.
Tunan, Tunan, go far away.
I want to go far away.
I went to the best high school in the city, a century-old famous school, so that many students from other provinces knew its name when I was in college.
At the beginning, I spent a lot of effort to be admitted to this school, but I found that I had already passed the age of rich children from poor families. Many of the students
here not only have good grades, good looks, but also have scary backgrounds.
For example, Shen Qingyun.
Grade first, the family is rich and powerful, and looks very good-looking.
But unlike the dandy in romance novels, he is gentle and polite, ordinary and natural.
Many girls like him and chase him, but there is no excessive gossip.
In a word, he is an excellent boy with a sense of boundaries.
Although I have been at the same table for more than half a year, I have very little contact with him. On the one hand, I was jealous of the platform and opportunity he had since he was born;
on the other hand, he was not a junior high school student, not a class student, not even a gender student, in short, there was no common topic.
So this is the first time I noticed him carefully. After
class, I wrote a note solemnly and thanked him for my inexplicable affectation.
Gratitude is genuine. At the age of
seventeen, I knew this article for the first time, knew this allusion, and knew that there was a more decent way to reconcile with the name.
Shen Qingyun stopped the pen in his hand, did not return the note, but turned his head and said to me that he was not polite.
After a while, Shen Ching-yun suddenly laughed and turned his head. “I’m just explaining things in a blind way. I don’t know if I’m right.” The
smile is a little fake, but I feel like he really wants to talk to me.
Actually, I don’t have any friends.
At that time, I was the student in this school whose grades were average, but who needed the grades most. A girl
once complained to her that her mother wanted her to get into the top 100 before she bought her a pair of 4000 shoes, and I was shocked.
Suddenly, I realized that it was not easy for me to make friends with these students.
Maybe, but it’s not easy.
They won’t understand that 4000 yuan is my mother’s salary for a month.
But I don’t want to give up this chance to chat.
Something like that. What about you? Does your name have a meaning?
“If you are poor and strong, you will not give up your ambition.”
Looking at my blank expression, he quickly pulled the draft paper out from under the test paper and found the blank space to write down.
I looked at the dense mathematical formula in the line of dragons and phoenixes, quietly sighed in my heart what a beautiful word.
“It’s in the Preface to Tengwang Pavilion. I’ll learn it later.”
I nodded. “Good name.”
Later, they gradually became familiar with each other.
Shen Qingyun would discuss the problem with me from time to time and hand me the candy he couldn’t eat.
I quietly guessed that the snacks were probably sent by other girls, even though he said they were prepared by his family.
Every time, Shen Qingyun is very sincere, as if I really helped him a lot.
He became the classmate who crossed paths with me the most in that school. The care
from time to time was really touching, and I realized later that I seemed to like him a little.
But it was only a shallow communication, like a wisp of smoke, which was not reliable at all. I never thought that I would marry him.
It’s just, there’s no love. After a lifetime
like this, I don’t know whether I am farther or closer to happiness. Can
such an absurd marriage really last for a lifetime?
Shen Qingyun has not come back, but caught up with the high school anniversary.
I was not invited, but Shen Qingyun called back and asked me to help him go.
“It’s just a ceremony. You go and sit for a while and go through the motions.”
I did not speak, my fingers rubbing the leaves of a pot of green plants, and his pleading tone intensified a little. It was my fault
that day, and I apologize. Ask you to do me a favor, huh?
I laughed. “I can go, but I don’t have to ask.”. What else do you think I can do for you? He also laughed on the other end of the
phone.
“I’ll be back next week.” On the day of the
school anniversary, I specially changed my long skirt and made up.
I didn’t expect to meet Luo Yan at the door.
She is still a famous brand from head to toe, and her delicate makeup has replaced the face without makeup in high school.
The Luo family’s financial resources are not very strong, what really makes Luo Yan stand out among the girls is her exquisite words and smooth character.
Everyone likes Luo Yan, she is like a bosom sister, surrounded by a bunch of little girls in the middle to pour out the sensitive feelings of adolescence.
When she was with the male God Shen Qingyun, the girls worshipped her even more.
I actually admire her. She has a good sense of other people’s jealousy and worship. She always has a way to make everyone like her.
I can’t help but wonder if she would find a way to make me like her and bless her if she found out that I also liked Shen Qingyun at that time. We passed each other countless times
in high school, and every time, I was like a transparent person in her eyes.
But this time she saw me at once, raised her beautiful and generous smile, and then walked towards me leisurely.
“For Ching-yun?”? I didn’t see you on the list. He said he wouldn’t come today.
I gave a gentle “hum,” and the displeasure in my heart was already quietly in the air.
She cut her hair and continued to laugh. “I didn’t expect you to be together in the end.”. He is too old to be young, and it is really time to get married.
He’s been picking and choosing for a long time, and it doesn’t seem to matter who the person next to him is.
I didn’t want to answer. I just walked to the meeting in silence.
She acquiesced to follow me, and her high-heeled shoes made a clear sound on the floor tiles.
I heard that you and Aunt Shen are in the same school? You must have put a lot of effort into it.
I nodded, remembering the days when I was studying alone in a foreign country when I was studying for my PhD. It was really hard.
“You’re worth it. You’ve got the moon first.”
Then Luo Yan giggled as if he had told a joke.
My displeasure reached its peak. Fortunately, I had arrived at the venue, where many high school students had gathered.
When some girls saw me, they laughed and pulled me to say, “Tunan is so beautiful now.”
“Tu Nan has a good foundation, but now he’s dressed up.”
In fact, in addition to Luo Yan, everyone else is pleasant.
Luo Yan is just mean to me.
I don’t understand why Luo Yan refused him at the beginning and finally went abroad for so many years since he couldn’t let go of Shen Qingyun.
More do not understand Shen Qingyun to Luo Yan, in the end what idea.
In the end, I was upset by the pressure of doubts, and the host’s polite words were buzzing and noisy, so I left early.
When I got to the door, I looked up and found Shen Qingyun looking at me from the balcony on the second floor, with some pride in his eyes.
Luo Yan’s cocky face flashed through my mind, and I was so angry that I questioned him.
“Why don’t you go by yourself at home?”
“Oh, I thought you liked the school anniversary.” Stunned by my anger,
he gave a smirk and his eyes were a little evasive.
“Why?”
Maybe.. Do you prefer the feeling of returning home in splendid clothes?
I almost laughed at him, so I tried to control my anger and changed the subject.
“What’s the matter with you and Loyan?”
“What’s going on? As I told you last time, something happened to her family and my father had to come forward. It’s been solved.” There was a hint of impatience in
him. If
you like her, go and get her back as soon as possible. I don’t mind divorcing you, and I won’t blackmail you.
I assumed the posture of breaking the pot.
“Don’t think too much about what you’re talking about, okay?”
He turned and ducked into the room.
I quickened my pace to enter the door, changed my shoes, and the whole set of movements was flowing clouds and running water.
When Shen Qingyun went downstairs, I looked at him, and he ignored me and went into the kitchen.
After a while, he brought out a cup of warm water and handed it to me. If I don’t answer, just put it on the table.
There was a pause. He slowed his voice. “We’re fine like this, aren’t we?”
I glanced at him. “I hope you really think so.”
“You know, the Luo family has some business contacts with our family. Besides, I don’t have any friendship with her.”
“No more fighting, okay?”
I was silent, we all need a marriage, as long as each other is willing, of course, we can cooperate indefinitely.
In other words, I actually have no position to quarrel with him.
But even if I think so, my heart is still depressed. For
several days in a row, the aura between me and him was very subtle.
I have never paid more attention to my work, and I have devoted myself to the literature without seeing the beginning and the end, so I try to publish more core articles.
Just like when Shen Qingyun and Luo Yan fell in love in high school, I suddenly studied hard and worked hard unprecedentedly.
All unhappiness withered at the core, and I clearly understood that there was an insurmountable gap between myself and them, and that intense energy consumption could dispel my anxiety.
I remember clearly how sad I felt when I turned off the classroom lights and stood alone in the empty corridor in the darkness. During the
holidays, I went to the provincial library early in the morning to study by myself. When I came home, I was trapped in the rainstorm by bike. I ran home and opened my schoolbag. I was glad that the book was still dry.
Shen Qingyun and Luo Yan became my imaginary enemy, I quietly away from Shen Qingyun, and Luo Yan is no intersection.
In my world, their sense of existence is very, very low.
One day, I overheard Luo Yan and a bunch of little sisters saying that Shen Qingyun was going to read a beautiful book with her and was already preparing materials.
I passed by them without changing my face, and my heart was sour and bitter.
But it doesn’t matter anymore. The college entrance examination is coming soon.
Shen Qingyun later did not go abroad, the specific reasons, I do not know.
Of course, this is the last word.
A few months later, I received a phone call from home. My father was in hospital and asked me to go back and have a look. With the smell of disinfectant in the corridor of
the inpatient department, I found the corresponding ward and went in.
He was in a bad state, saying that he had a stomach perforation because of drinking too much.
Perhaps because of his illness, he was weak, slow and too busy to take care of himself.
My mother and my brother stood on one side, also looking tired. When I came in, I looked at each other in silence.
My heart had a dull pain, but I was not used to having any warmth with them. I put down the fruit box and went out on the pretext of finding a doctor to understand the situation. When I
entered the office, it was a relatively young doctor, and I briefly explained to him the purpose of my visit.
He said it was not a big problem, but he needed to rest.
Seeing my worried expression, he explained it in a professional way.
“Won’t there be any after-effects?”
“No, don’t drink any more. Pay attention to conditioning.”
Finally, he said gently, “You’re welcome to ask me any questions you have in the future. I’m in the office a lot of the time.”
I smiled at him, thanked him, and turned back to the ward.
Sensitive nerves made me think a little more about his last sentence, and I suddenly recalled Shen Qingyun’s fake smile and the thread he threw out on his own initiative many years ago.
But I laughed at “narcissism” in my heart and immediately put it behind me. Mother Shen came to the hospital to visit
in the afternoon, sat in the ward for a while and then got up to leave.
When I sent her out, she asked me about Shen Qingyun. Of course
I said everything was fine.
She suddenly put her arm around my shoulder affectionately and said with a wry smile, “Tunan, don’t blame your mother for being snobbish. In fact, when you wanted to get married, neither your father nor I approved.”.
It was Qingyun himself who insisted, and he was not young, so of course we couldn’t say much.
But now that you have such a good relationship and he is so devoted to you, we are glad to see it.
Sending her away shocked me like a lightning strike.
It is Shen Qingyun who wants to marry me.
But why?
If it’s for marriage, he doesn’t have to contact an old classmate he hasn’t met for ten years.
I can’t understand him more and more.
Back in the ward, my brother went out to buy dinner, and my parents were having a heated discussion about Shen’s visit.
“Look at their temperament, their emotional intelligence, and look at what you look like. That’s what a woman looks like.”
My father scolded my mother, and my mother rolled her eyes. Then
he turned to me and said, “You should learn from your mother-in-law and serve Shen Ching-yun.”. The Shen family is not one of our small families. Don’t let people think we don’t have family education.
His mother sneered, “I don’t have the ability to take care of your Wei all my life. Tu Nan is a professor at the university. How can he not be worthy of the Shen family?”.
I was speechless for a moment. After settling my parents
in the evening, I drove home. The
dense vehicles are like running water, flowing rapidly.
Grasping the steering wheel, at the age of 28, I suddenly realized that the relationship with my parents had long been a bad debt. So is
money, so is love.
Adolescence longs for escape, for a fierce battle, and for separation.
But as an adult, I gradually don’t care.
A drop of ink drops into a bowl of water and a lake, and the color effect is very different.
If it was already a river, of course, it would not have been able to gnash its teeth at the chaotic mud at the beginning.
Shen Qingyun suddenly called and asked me to pick him up. I didn’t think much about it and turned the car around and drove towards the location.
Arriving at the door of the restaurant, a group of people came out one after another. Seemed to be drunk, walking shoulder to shoulder, shaking left and right. The
leader is Shen Qingyun, followed by Luo Yan.
Shen Qingyun walked unsteadily, Luo Yan helped him, took advantage of the situation to hug him, then two people loosened.
I felt a rush of blood rush to my forehead and turned away.
I am willing to spend each other with Shen Qingyun, but when they appear as a whole again, I just want to delete them from my world together.
I am willing to worry about gains and losses, guess whether he loves me or not, but he falls in love with someone else, I just want to leave. I
thought bitterly that I was already so humble that I could not be so humble.
Shen Qingyun is an asshole.
Along the way, Shen Qingyun gave me a few phone calls, I did not answer, and finally directly turned off the phone.
In the middle of the night, he came in and asked me why I didn’t pick him up.
“Let Loyan take you home.” I gave a sneer.
“What are you doing?”
“Shen Ching-yun, let’s divorce.”
His expression suddenly froze, and it took him a long time to react.
“What did you say?”
“I said, let’s divorce.”
“Why?”
“We can have no love, but you can’t disgust me.”
I turned and went upstairs to the bedroom to pack up my things, and Shen Qingyun caught up with me.
“You mean I don’t love you?”
I ignored him and packed my own bags.
I lowered my head as low as I could, but tears quickly blurred my vision.
He rushed over and pressed my hand, forcing me to look up at him.
Perhaps he was a little dull when he saw my scarlet eyes. Didn’t
you and Luo Yan hug each other at the door of the hotel? Why
are you pestering me to find her?
As if the long-accumulated emotions had found an outlet, I shouted at him regardless of the image. “It’s not what it looks like,”
he mused. It’s strange that she did that all of a sudden.
He hurried to find his cell phone and turned to the chat record to show me.
The last line was sent by him, which said: “Please respect yourself, you have brought trouble to me and my wife.”.
Luo Yan did not return, I glanced at the previous content, to the effect that Luo Yan advised him not to be wronged to marry someone he did not love. “So why do you marry someone you don’t love?”
I asked in a hollow voice.
He said, “Who says I don’t love you anymore?”
He began to explain sentence by sentence. At first, he
said, he just thought it was strange to have a randomly assigned deskmate.
This girl is not keen on idols and stars, and she doesn’t gossip.
Even do not love to talk, do not laugh, a bitter look.
Then one day, he passed by the playground and watched the girl in the distance help the old man who collected junk pick up the scattered boxes back to the car. Another
day, the school will expel a depressed student and pull the class committee to the office one by one to talk.
These bright top students, including Shen Qingyun, expressed their support for the school’s decision.
After all, a lot of things are just a formality, and they have nothing to do with it.
The girl, however, was in the office, fighting with Confucianism. She was well-founded, courteous and restrained, and made several school leaders speechless.
Shen Qingyun felt that this girl might not be smart, but it was hard to be true. In the middle of the
memory, I sniffed and interrupted, “Why don’t you ever show it?” At that time,
you always looked like you didn’t want to be near strangers.
And how do you know I’m not showing it?
Seventeen-year-old Shen Ching-yun goes to the supermarket every week to buy all kinds of snacks, but one break he pretends to have a headache and asks Wei Tunan to “help” him out. I
observed that she stopped at a certain question for a long time and deliberately failed to speak, so that I could inadvertently wake her up when discussing with her.
“Where is Loyan?”
At this point the tenderness in Shen Ching-yun’s eyes has dissipated, and there is even some disgust. “She herself deliberately lets others misunderstand, and I can’t defend myself.”
I suddenly remembered a little thing. One evening in the second year of high school, I went downstairs with Shen Qingyun after school. The
two flights of stairs outlined the scattered life, and we went down one after the other.
I asked him about his future, and he said he wanted to apply to MIT.
His eyes were clear and full of hope, and the ends of his hair were brightened by the orange sunset. Remembering what Luo Yen had said,
I said sourly, “That’s awesome. When I look at it, I’m going to sit in the front row for the school anniversary.”
He asked me in reply with a serious look, and I smiled and casually said, “Beijing.”.
In fact, for people like me who rely on scores to decide their future, I don’t even bother to plan where to go.
No matter how precise the plan is, it can’t compare with the result in the college entrance examination.
It’s just that in the dark, it seems that only the capital is worthy of the “beauty” in Loyan’s mouth.
I haven’t been to Beijing, and I haven’t been abroad.
Because of the unknown, so give birth to a lot of awe.
At that moment, I just wanted to defend my ridiculous and stubborn dignity.
Unfortunately, I didn’t go to Beijing later, and I was separated from him for many years. Of course, this is the last word.
In the eyes of Wei Tunan, a sophomore in high school, the sunset of that day was very good, and the future trajectory gradually emerged in me and him. The
bright future, going in two very different directions, is brutally heartbreaking.
Shen Ching-yun rambled on about his little thoughts, as if he suddenly remembered something. He asked, “Do you remember the question I asked you that day?”?
When you meet someone you like, should you take the initiative or keep silent?
I nodded. He continued,
“You said you didn’t want to work too hard, but we are together now, which is the first result of my efforts.”.
I know you don’t like me, so I think as long as I work hard enough and be sincere enough, one day, you will be moved by me. There are not so many things in
life that are taken for granted. Happiness is easy, but the kind of happiness that people want is something that they have to work hard to get.
I sigh in my heart, in fact, for some people, happiness is not easy.
However, real life is more cruel than movies. In
movies, the protagonist always has a chance encounter, and the supporting roles are boosters.
But in reality, those who miss it will never have the chance and courage to meet again. It was
also at this moment that I realized that only Shen Qingyun was trying to break the different life circumstances between me and Shen Qingyun.
So I tried to be honest with him.
I told him how Wei Tunan in high school, walking in the cold winter months, stepping on the wet ground with melted ice water, was jealous of the world in which Shen Qingyun and Luo Yan lived.
Even hate Shen Qingyun, hate that he was born in Rome, hate that his father is a director, his mother is a professor, hate his wealth.
But in those unwilling resentment, like a broken mirror, quietly reflects countless likes that I hold up my face and refuse to admit.
Finally, they can only swallow all their unwillingness and grievances, continue to cope with daily life with an expressionless shell, and do exercises one after another like a machine.
One after another, thinking that when it was done, God would pity the child and give her “happiness.”.
Finally, Shen Qingyun hugged me quietly.
As if through time and space, even Wei Tunan, who was lonely under the bus stop sign on a winter night at the age of 17, was fulfilled at this moment.
“Wei Tunan, I am here, and I will always be here.” I heard him whisper.
I cried in his arms, trying to reconcile with my silent and wronged adolescent self.
I did not think that those who have long been buried in a rainy day will have a chance to see the light of day, I spread out in front of Shen Qingyun.
I did not think that in the moment when I hesitated repeatedly, he was also carefully testing my ideas.
All the coincidences are right, the people who love each other have gone through many twists and turns, overcome the withered years, or are gently let go by time. Shen Qingyun and
I, after more than a year of marriage, finally confirmed each other’s mind.
We started dating as a couple, sitting on the same side of the table at restaurants, preparing for each holiday and anniversary in earnest, holding hands firmly forever.
We are no longer teenagers of each other, nearly 30 years old, finally understand, like a person, not cold, to be warm and sincere.
And Luo Yan never appeared again after Shen Qingyun’s words.
At the same time, Shen Qingyun began to prepare for our wedding.
I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s enough for two people to be happy together. What does it have to do with others?
We are very happy together, but I want to give you a promise, a promise witnessed by everyone.
This is my sincerity and sincerity. He explained it this way.
As for the sadness of the original family, I also told him everything, during which I broke down in tears several times.
He kept trying to comfort me, wiping away my tears over and over again, and finally hugged me tightly and said, “My girl is really good. It’s so hard. She’s survived.”.
Thank you for guarding my little girl for me during that time.
Suddenly, I couldn’t help muttering, “What if they blackmail you later?”
He laughed and put his chin on my forehead. “Don’t be afraid. I’m good.” On the day
my dad was discharged from the hospital, I went to the hospital to pick him up, and the family went out for dinner by the way. When I
left, the young doctor stopped me and asked me if I could add a WeChat.
I shook my head.
“I know it’s abrupt, but I’m really impressed with you.”
He hastened to explain.
I still shook my head. “I’m going to have a wedding tomorrow.”
“Looks like I’m too late.”
He was a little disappointed.
I smiled apologetically. No. It is because of him that I am what I am.
The next day, at the wedding, the man I had a crush on for more than ten years came to me step by step and said that I was the other half he wanted most. There were many guests sitting in the
audience, some of whom I didn’t know, some of whom hurried through my life and stayed in the calm water for a moment. As a
teenager, Wei Tunan spent a dark and noisy time, and Shen Qingyun was the only light she wanted to capture at that time. The young man, who is
always refreshing and bright as new, is like a flower of Kaolin, blooming in many people’s barren youth.
It’s like the clear wind in the mountains.
I don’t know which direction the wind is coming from, but it finally comes to me. When I
was young, the blue butterfly in my dream, wearing the stars and the moon, crossed the mountains and mountains, and finally landed on my heart at that time.
“May those who love each other love each other bravely.” I say.
(The end of the full text)
My name is Luo Yan.
Like many stories about youth, my hero is Shen Qingyun. We have known each other since childhood
because of the intersection of our parents and our neighbors.
We go to the same kindergarten, the same primary school and the same junior high school.
The only thing that went wrong was high school.
I didn’t get into that high school. In the second
year of high school, I made trouble with my father, and finally he found a relationship, so that I became Shen Qingyun’s classmate.
But to him, I’m not that special.
In our small circle, many people are like this. There are only a few kindergartens in the
city center, and then there are the best elementary schools, the best junior high schools and the best high schools.
But it’s not so easy to be a classmate with him all the way.
And I happen to have a little bit of luck. I like him, probably because he has always been the “best” one.
I felt that he and I were “destined.” Otherwise, how could everything be so logical?
So after I transferred to another school, I quietly acquiesced in the connection with Shen Qingyun.
In the new class, I need a little gossip to give me a central position among the girls, and Shen Qingyun really has a great role.
Girls gossip about him, and I have a great friendship with him.
I was on my way home from school with him, so there was a rumor that he sent me home every day.
The girls teased me, and I didn’t deny it.
Why deny it?
So it gradually became that Shen Qingyun liked me and we were dating.
I did not deny it, but Shen Qingyun was not happy, he asked me to explain.
“People won’t believe me even if I tell them. Besides, I’m not interested in you.”
I seem indifferent, Shen Qingyun has nothing to say, but deliberately avoid coming home from school with me.
In the midst of the chattering girls, I said shyly, “Oh, if you gossip again, I’ll be angry. Shen Ching-yun has a thin face.”
Everyone laughed and teased us, “So you’re starting to defend him?”?
After that, my grades were never good, so I decided to go abroad.
I heard my father say that Shen Qingyun would also go abroad, so he deliberately revealed the news in front of his classmates.
Everyone naturally thought that Shen Qingyun was for me, and I also enjoyed this inexplicable envy.
But when I went abroad, I naturally forgot all that happened at home. I continue to adapt to the new environment and try to become a new focus.
When I returned home, I heard that Shen Qingyun was married to a girl I had no impression of. The only scene related to her in
my memory is that she said cautiously that she never made up lessons since she was a child.
Everyone praised her, after all, those of us who were not in primary school were crammed into all kinds of cram schools.
I don’t like her very much. I think she is as hypocritical as a fake flower made of paper, which is mixed with a real flower and emits a false fragrance.
And I can vaguely feel that she doesn’t like me either.
I don’t know why they got married. Maybe the girl used some tricks. After all, the Shen family is really rich and powerful.
But every prince wants to marry a princess.
I took every opportunity to make Shen Ching-yun and I appear “ambiguous” again.
Unfortunately, no one gave me the green light this time.
Shen Qingyun said bad words at the WeChat, so I never looked for him again.
I’m not one of those girls who want to marry a rich and powerful family. My family is not short of money. I have self-respect.
Soon I started going on blind dates and meeting other elites.
Perhaps because Shen Qingyun did not study abroad, not returnees, so I have been unable to get along with him, I comfort myself like this.
Later, I met both of them again.
I was waiting for my date and scolded him in my heart for being too slow. In the
cold wind of December, I only wore a long skirt and stamped my feet with cold.
Shen Qingyun parked the car at the door, then got off to open the door for Wei Tunan and protected her from getting off.
They held hands all the time, chatting all the way, with only each other in their eyes and smiling eyes. He didn’t even recognize me when he passed in front of
me. For the first time,
I felt that I didn’t know either of them. The look on
their faces was so strange that it was never displayed in front of me.
I gawked for a long time until they disappeared from my sight.
It turned out that Shen Qingyun loved her.
I can’t accept the fact that Shen Qingyun should settle for the second best when he marries her.
That girl, although I tried to hide, but in my heart, I do not think highly of her. A girl
like her, who is silent and not outstanding, should marry early, then fail to give birth to a son, and finally make a lot of noise in her husband’s house. I thought with some malice.
I don’t want to be too mean, but at this moment, jealousy almost scorched me.
I have never seen Shen Qingyun so gentle to anyone, smiling like a loyal dog, with stars in his eyes.
He has always been personable but calm and aloof. I
used to think that I should marry such Shen Qingyun, who was born to be the king. After
a moment of astonishment, I suddenly realized that the turbulent affection between the two of them might never have been understood by others.
They are actually happy.
Shen Qingyun never belonged to me.
But what does it matter?
I turned my head.
In my life, I am still a noble and proud white swan.
(The end of the full text)
Author’s signature: Tang
20 Record No.: YXX1EmmayDJsRRRJ1ZrTQR
1B Redemption
of first love, old love, Xin Huan
Rong An Ge et al
×
