Can
a boy really love a girl for a long time?
For seven years, I was the spare tire for him, and he was the licking dog for the white moonlight.
Until that day, the white moonlight sent two photos in the circle of friends, which poked my heart. For the first time, I realized that I didn’t love him.
This kind of feeling is very wonderful, that is, the lover who lives around you day and night, you look at him, your heart can no longer have any waves, before any of his small actions that can make your ears red can no longer shake you, you look at him, just like looking at any one of a, B, C and D on the road.
But I didn’t show a cent. I still took good care of him. At seven o’clock in the morning, I prepared the breakfast on the table in the restaurant. A cup of cold white on the bedside table was just right. The toothbrush in the bathroom had been squeezed with toothpaste. Before I left, I used the remote control to increase the temperature of the air conditioner slightly. Then he stood at the door of the bedroom and said to him, “I’ll go to work first.”.
His whole face sank into the snow-white mattress, and with a vague hum, I turned and walked away.
Recently, I took on a new project, and the whole team was very busy. It was nearly one o’clock in the morning when I finished the details of the preliminary plan and looked at the time.
I suddenly found that I had not thought of him once all day.
This is not normal. I remember when I just graduated, I followed a senior who had graduated from university for a long time to do activities. It was the same. I was often busy until late at night. But I would send a message to him every hour to report my news. After six o’clock, I would tell him what time I was busy tonight and ask him not to wait for me, even though we were together for a long time. I will report to him if I am too busy at night.
But today I didn’t think of him once. I opened the WeChat and looked at it. He sent me a message at seven o’clock and asked me when I would reply. I didn’t see it.
I never reply to his messages for more than three minutes.
I rubbed my cell phone and hesitated, but I still didn’t reply to his message.
Out of the door of the company, I saw him, reclining in front of his big G, with a strong outline in the dark, looking down at his mobile phone, a touch of scarlet on his mouth flashing in the dark, and he began to smoke again.
In fact, I hate his smoking very much. His father died of liver cancer. At the beginning, when we were together, I always controlled him and did not let him smoke. Every time, he raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a smile at the corners of his mouth, and then smoked as usual.
I can’t control him. I know. In
love, the person you love most is always humble.
This relationship was out of balance from the beginning. I put myself too humble, so I couldn’t control him.
I slowly approached, he should be thinking about things, thinking very absorbed, I walked up to him, he did not find me, I asked in a gentle voice: “Why are you here?”.
He suddenly came to his senses, and then, a little flustered, he took the cigarette from the corner of his mouth and crushed it under his feet to extinguish it. Only then did I discover the cigarette butts on the ground. I didn’t know how many cigarettes he had smoked. I habitually wanted to persuade him to smoke less. I moved my lips, but I still didn’t say it.
I was desperate to find that I didn’t want to care about him.
He looked at me for a moment, as if he were waiting for something. His eyes seemed to have a stream of light in the darkness, and then he went back to the dust. He smoked too much, so his voice was a little hoarse. He said, “I’ll pick you up.”. After
a pause, he added, as if aggrieved, “You didn’t reply to my message.”.
I pretended to take a look at my cell phone and said, “I was too busy to see it.”. Without saying a word,
he opened the car door and let me go up.
This is not before the considerate, I for him, get too easy, love is too humble, I think for him, the most sure thing is probably that I will never leave him.
So come and go at the drop of a hat, this kind of overtime to pick me up late at night, except for the period of time when he felt guilty in the middle, never happened again. When I
got on the bus, I leaned against the window and looked out at the roaring lights in a trance. The whole car was silent. I remembered the past. He was actually a little cold. In the past, when two people were alone, I would always find a topic to tease him. He occasionally replied to me, but now I was tired.
Quiet for a while, he asked me, “Have you eaten?”?
I gave a hum and didn’t ask him if he had eaten.
When he woke me up, I realized that I didn’t know when I fell asleep. He frowned at me and said, “I’ve been very tired recently, haven’t I?”? Take a rest when you are
tired. It doesn’t matter if you don’t go to that class. Can’t I support you?
I didn’t speak.
In the past, when I was too tired, I came to ask him this. At that time, his business was on the right track, I was exhausted all day, and the factional struggle in the company was exhausting. So when I came back from working overtime, I hugged his waist and asked him, “Shall I resign and come back? Give you a chance to support me.”.
He smiled, put aside the subject, patted me on the head, and said, Xiao Wang, come on, come on.
I never asked such a silly question again, and now when he said it, I looked up at him and smiled, but did not speak.
Just like he used to.
I used to really love him so much that all my friends around me began to tease and seriously advise me, “Xi, don’t get into too deep.”.
But I was like a moth running into a flame, and I knew from the first time I saw him that I couldn’t get better. I
met Song Daiyan when I was a sophomore. I had only heard of his name before. He was the man of the hour in a University. His casual temper and handsome face made him popular with all the girls in the school. It was said that he had as many girlfriends as the crucian carp crossing the river. In the end, I was able to win and sit firmly in the main palace. I thought for a long time that it could only be attributed to fate.
Fate made him meet me at the most difficult time of his life. Fate made him restrain his mind at that time. Fate made him never meet another fool like me who was good to him at that time.
So I became his girlfriend, and I’ve been on and off for seven years, which has shocked me and his friends around me.
In the words of one of his friends, we are totally different from each other.
I am a person with a clear goal and excellent grades. I have a reasonable plan for every step of my life. He is different. He is careless about everything. He is always a person who takes one step at a time. He has never been concerned about anything.
Not only is he undisciplined, but he is also a playboy. He walks among the flowers and plants in the world of flowers and plants, but he never cares about the leaves on his body.
Oh, no, I’ve had a heart. When
I met him, he had just ended his last relationship. Even though Song Daiyan and I had been together for seven years, Gu Shanshan was the only ex who made me feel like a formidable enemy when I heard his name.
I think this is the only girl he has ever loved. The first time
I met Sung Dai-yen was at a club event. He was leaning on the door frame of the club, bowing his head and playing with his cell phone. The outline of his side face was carved like a knife. I couldn’t help but look twice more. Next to him, a school girl said with half envy and half sigh, “It’s Sung Dai-yen. He should be waiting for his girlfriend.”.
I looked in the direction of her chin movement and saw a tall and long figure. I didn’t see her face, but I thought it should be beautiful.
The second time I met him was outside the school in the middle of the night. I went to Beijing on behalf of the school to participate in a university linkage competition. After the competition, I rushed back to school overnight. At that time, it was raining heavily in the middle of the night. I got out of the taxi and ran to the school gate in the rain. Then I met him at the school gate. I didn’t recognize him
at first. There was a black shadow leaning against the corner of the campus. I hesitated for a moment. I turned on the rear light of my mobile phone and went over to have a look. He was leaning against the corner in a coma. The rain wet his hair and stuck it on his forehead. Without the previous arrogant and careless temperament, he looked a little pitiful. I
was probably blinded by lust. I didn’t even have the last hesitation when I saw him. I called a taxi and took him to the hospital.
He drank too much wine, and the rainstorm caused a high fever. Later, I often joked with him that I had saved his life. I don’t know
if I picked it up, but I know I almost put my life in it.
I stayed there until he woke up that day. His eyes were a little confused. I stood beside his bed and smiled. I said to him: Hello, Senior Song. I am Wang Xi. Last night, the medical expenses were 2456 yuan in total. The taxi fare was 147 yuan. You can transfer it to me with a WeChat? When he
came to his senses, he narrowed his eyes slightly and smiled. That kind of casual temperament came again, and my heart beat like a thunder drum.
He stayed in the hospital for seven days, and I brought him chicken soup every day. On the day he was discharged from the hospital, he finally remembered my name. Then he smiled and asked me, “Are you chasing me?”.
Sunlight came through the small window, and I could see the tiny dust in the air. I pretended to be calm and asked him, “Did you just see that?”?
Then I chased him for six months and three days. On the fourth day, it was Christmas. We had dinner together at a restaurant outside the school. I was concentrating on peeling shrimps for him. Then I heard him say, Wang Xi, let’s be together. After
a long pause, I didn’t look up and continued to peel the shrimps and whispered back, “Good.”.
It was an insignificant and uneventful beginning.
He did not mention like, did not mention feelings, a light together, I am happy to rush to him in the past.
But I was really happy at that time. After a happy meal, I took a taxi to the hospital and had an intravenous drip for an hour.
Because I’m allergic to seafood.
It’s really full of joy. It was already eight o’clock in the morning when I woke up
the next day. It was rare for me to wake up so late, probably because I was too tired the night before yesterday. When I woke up, I was lying on my back. Even under the quilt, I still felt a little cold.
He was very afraid of the heat, and the temperature of the air conditioner in the room was always the lowest. When we just lived together, I was not used to it. I often woke up in the middle of the night, and then wrapped in the quilt and went into his arms, climbing up with my hands and feet, like holding a stove.
He was very impatient at first, because he was not used to this sleeping position. Every time I went through it, he pushed me away impatiently, but it didn’t take long for me to lean against it unconsciously, so he often woke me up several times a night, but I couldn’t change it, and then he got used to it.
But I don’t know what’s going on recently. It’s been about four or five months since I realized it. I woke up one morning.
Suddenly, I found that I had not woken up in his arms for a long time, and every night when I felt cold in a daze, I tried to curl myself up.
Even though he was beside me, even though I could feel the heat source not far away, even though I was unconscious in my sleep, I really didn’t roll to him for a long time.
This is not a good sign.
Today, it was rare for him to get up before me. He stepped on the carpet barefoot and walked out silently. I saw him hiding on the balcony smoking. In such an early morning, he frowned, probably because he had something on his mind. His face was as handsome as when he first saw him. I looked at it carefully for a long time, and then found that his heart was calm without waves.
He seemed to feel my line of sight, holding a cigarette and my four eyes, two people separated by a layer of glass, not far from the silent confrontation, until the ash in his mouth turned into a long section, he took it down and pressed it in the ashtray.
After waiting for the smoke to disperse for a while before he came in, I said casually, “It’s better to smoke less.”.
He was silent for a long time. I heard him hum in a low voice. By the time I came out after brushing my teeth, he had already bought breakfast back. There was a steamed bun shop some distance away from the neighborhood. He said that the steamed buns were the most delicious. I used to buy them for him every day.
I asked him what the stuffing was, and he said two crab powder and two lobsters, which I often bought for him. I silently picked up half of the steamed buns and put them back. He was a little surprised and silently raised his eyebrows to ask me. I was really a little tired, and suddenly I felt tired. I said, “I’m allergic to seafood.”.
In fact, he is much better now, probably because he has peeled too many shrimps and crabs over the years, and he already has antibodies in his body. I’ve endured it for
so many years, but now suddenly, I can’t endure the things that I’ve been able to endure before.
He looked at me, looked at me for a long time, and I thought that if he had looked at me so intently before, I would have wrapped my arm around him and kissed him on the lips.
He moved slightly and raised his hand, probably to touch my head or my cheek. The body’s reaction preceded consciousness. I stepped back hastily and avoided his hand.
His hand rested awkwardly in midair. I saw him turn his head very quickly and take a deep breath. When he turned his head again, his expression was calm. He said, “What kind of stuffing do you like? I’ll go down and buy it again.”.
We all maintained the illusion of peace, and I said, “No, I’ll go to the kitchen and fry a poached egg.”.
He didn’t speak. I saw his hand hanging down at his side, clenched into a fist. He’s not a good-tempered man. I’ve seen him get angry with others before. When I was in
college, I once met a wretched man who almost beat someone to death and paid a lot of medical expenses at that time.
Later, when he graduated and just started his business, he swallowed his pride for a period of time. Later, his business became bigger, and no one could show his power and prestige in front of him. Generally, there were more people who followed him.
Just when I thought he was about to burst out, he burst out laughing and said in a gentle voice, “OK, we’ll go shopping together later. The season is about to change, and a lot of things need to be repurchased at home.”.
To be honest, I was a little disappointed when he put up with his temper.
We have been together for seven years, and we are familiar with each other in character and temper. He must have noticed my abnormality and indifference. I actually hoped that he would get angry and then point at me and ask, “What’s wrong with you? Can you say it?”?
Then I can logically say, “I don’t love you anymore. Let’s break up.”.
Unfortunately, he didn’t ask, so I didn’t say anything.
In the afternoon, we went to the supermarket together. I always have a soft spot for shopping in the supermarket, because I really look like an ordinary couple when I push a shopping cart with him to buy household goods. When I
used to go to the supermarket with him, I wished I could spend the whole day with him in the supermarket. Every three steps I would ask him, “Does this look good?”?
This is so cute in the kitchen.
“Ha ha ha, look at that. Shall we buy a couple’s toothbrush cup together? It’s so cute!” This must look great hanging in the hallway.
In the end, he was so annoyed that he had to shout “shut up” to keep me under control for five minutes.
I can’t control my joy around him all the time. I want to share what I think is best with him. That joy comes from my heart, just like when I am around him, no matter what I do, even if I just breathe, I will feel happy.
Obviously, in the eyes of others, I am also a mature and cool person.
But today, after shopping for more than half an hour, I looked at the shopping cart, only to find that I didn’t say a few words to him today, and I only bought a few necessities. I had already said to him, “It’s all bought. Let’s go back.”. He was silent
on the way. When he was almost home, he said, “Are you too tired recently? Let’s take an annual leave after finishing this project. Let’s travel to Morocco together. Haven’t you always wanted to go?”?
“After a pause, he added,” I wasn’t kidding when I told you to resign and I would support you.
To be honest, I’m a little depressed. Sung Dai-yen is actually a person with very weak feelings. He’s most afraid of responsibility, and he’s also afraid of burdens. He used to be afraid of burdening my feelings, but now he’s afraid of burdening my life. In the past, I would have been grateful to
let him say this sentence, but now I don’t. Surprised for a second,
I politely refused him: “No, I like my present job.”.
This kind of refusal was too direct and embarrassing, especially when I refused him very few times. It seemed that Song Daiyan and I had completely switched positions unconsciously. I was absent-minded and careless, and he was the one who had always endured.
I saw him take a deep breath. I said he was really not a good-tempered man, but he paused and then continued to ask in a gentle voice, “What about Morocco?”?
When you finish this period of time, let’s take a vacation together. With a reserved and distant smile,
I said, I have been there, Song Daiyan. Four years ago, I went there alone.
We had a big breakup. In fact, in the past seven years, he and I have been on and off many times, but the only time we really said the word “breakup” was four years ago.
The breakup was terrible. During that time, I almost exhausted all my expectations and enthusiasm for life. At one time, I suspected that I could not go on.
Four years ago, I just started to work. During that time, I was extremely exhausted. As a result, when I got along with Song Daiyan, I had no energy to accommodate and take care of him. Of course, I did not find his abnormality.
For example, he smoked more and more frequently, spent more and more time in a daze, and came back later and later. I realized that he was sitting on the sofa in the living room as soon as he opened the door and the lights were bright. The glass door of the
balcony was not opened, the room was filled with smoke, and the ashtray was full of cigarette butts. He reclined on the sofa cushion, and the crystal lamp above his head reflected on his body. All his emotions could not escape. He said with an expressionless face, “Let’s break up.”.
He sighed deeply and said, “I’m sorry, Shanshan is back.”.
I don’t want to recall the weightlessness of that time. I was actually an independent and cold person. When I met many friends who were trapped by love, I felt sniffy. I think feelings are mutual, and only two-way love is meaningful.
In short, love can be lost, but dignity and decency must be maintained.
But after Song Daiyan broke up, I became the kind of person I most sniffed at. It was the feeling of my heart being gouged out. I lost more than ten pounds in
a week, during which I sent him countless humble messages for peace, without exception.
Later, a friend of mine couldn’t bear to look at it, so he slapped me hard and said, “Wang Xi, can you be a little promising? Forget him and start a new life. You want to die and live like this, but he doesn’t know how happy he is now. Why don’t you try to make yourself happy?”?
I held back my tears for a long time and said to her in despair, “I don’t know whether he will be happy or not, but I know I will never be happy.”. The only way
to make me happy is to go back to the past, to the time when he was with me. I don’t care if he likes me or not, as long as he is with me.
Only in this way can I be happy.
Such a person is not promising.
She looked at me for a long time and then turned her head to wipe her eyes.
After more than five months, I was able to live a normal life. My friends seemed to think I had recovered, but I was like a rat living in a dark sewer, peeping at all their social platforms.
They traveled together, celebrated festivals together, he gave her a big surprise, they took sweet video photos, and I didn’t take a picture with him in the first three years.
He does not like to laugh, and Gu Shanshan’s photos are not smiling, but their atmosphere is very soft. Song Daiyan in the photos is not careless and perfunctory when he is with me. He looks down at the girl beside him, with soft eyebrows and eyes.
This is the treatment I don’t have.
What really hurt me was Gu Shanshan’s social news. She sent a micro-blog with two photos. The first one was a screenshot of WeChat chat records. It was the WeChat I sent to Song Daiyan to beg him to come back to me after breaking up. It was a very long paragraph. Every word, every punctuation mark, I trampled my self-esteem and decency under my feet. The second is a picture of Song Daiyan bowing his head to peel shrimps for her.
Her caption reads, “hhhhhh, this is what other girls miss.”. With a proud micro-expression on the
back.
My world collapsed at that moment.
I thought I would die at that moment, but I survived. After
that, I went to Morocco alone. When I
crossed the Sahara Desert, I almost buried myself in the orange sand dunes.
But I’m back after all.
I returned to the previous state of life, normal sleep, normal communication, normal work, and occasionally when someone mentioned Song Daiyan, I could laugh it off without caring.
Until Song Daiyan and Gu Shanshan separated again. In fact,
their character is not a person who can be together forever, one is too undisciplined and cold, the other is too arrogant and arrogant, there is a contradiction, they can not compromise with each other to accommodate each other.
Just like the song sung by Yoga Lin, “You and she didn’t get what you wanted.”. In
just half a year, it began to split.
My love is still the same.
Even I admire me.
So on the twenty-eighth day after he broke up with Gu Shanshan, I sent a message to Song Daiyan, and I asked him if he wanted to come out for a drink. There
he is.
And then we got back together.
This action shocked all the friends around me, and Hemiao angrily pointed at my nose and scolded me to wake up, even at the expense of breaking up to wake me up.
I had no choice. I was calm and self-controlled, but I couldn’t control my heart. I watched the seedlings beating my heart with an expressionless face. I said to her, “If I could, I would like to gouge out this heart with a knife.”.
I know it’s not worth it, but I really can’t control myself.
I know I have been humble to the dust, but when he came back to me, I was really happy, I was really happy. It was not
until Wo Miao came over and wiped the tears from my face with a tissue that I realized that I didn’t know when I was already in tears.
Who doesn’t want to be a resolute and arbitrary person, who doesn’t want to look down on others in their feelings and look down on others’ sincerity?
Who wants to hold up his heart, which has been repeatedly rubbed in the dust, and send it to that man and let him trample on it?
I don’t want to, but I can’t help it.
I really have no way.
As long as there is a chance to stay with him, I can ignore everything else.
As long as my heart is beating, I can’t do anything about myself.
But I really didn’t think that one day, the feeling of Song Daiyan would stop beating before my heart.
I can’t find a clue.
I don’t even know when I lost my feelings for him.
In fact, he has been very good to me in recent years. Even Hemiao sometimes looks at me and sighs with emotion. Fortunately, he survived so hard in those years. Now Song Daiyan is an extremely qualified husband. He is rich and good-looking, and he is not interested in other women. I am also very lucky.
I smiled and didn’t speak.
At first I just thought I was in a period of burnout, maybe because of emotional problems, after this period of time.
I can see Song Daiyan’s caution and efforts to restrain his temper, perhaps in addition to Gu Shanshan, he has never been so accommodating to others in his life.
But as soon as I saw him, I was upset. This situation lasted for some time. My heart softened when I had a fever and a cold. I was lying in bed in a daze. When I was half awake, the whole room was silent. I held the wall and walked out with difficulty. When I went to the living room to pour water, I saw him cooking porridge in the kitchen. With his
long body slightly bent, he watched a casserole and whispered, “..” Let it simmer for thirty minutes.. I took a sip of water and quietly went back to the bedroom.
I don’t know how long it took him to come in and wake me up. There was a familiar takeout porridge on the table. I didn’t ask. After dinner, he was a little clumsy when he packed the box. I don’t know where he touched it. He gave a gentle “hiss.” I immediately looked up and asked, “What’s wrong?”?
He was silent for a moment, and then, as if a little aggrieved, he raised his hand in front of me. There was a bright blister on the back of his hand, which should have been scalded. He said, “I wanted to cook porridge..” Where is the porridge? After a
subtle pause, he said, “It’s not edible. I poured it into the trash can.”.
He should be pretending to be pitiful. When he fought with others for Gu Shanshan, he broke his bones without saying a word. Now this scald is even less worth mentioning.
But I was strangely softhearted. Consciousness preceded action. I pulled his hand over, blew it gently, and then asked him, “Have you taken the medicine?”?
His hand stiffened in the palm of my hand for a moment. Before I could react, he suddenly held me in his arms and hugged me tightly. His lower jaw was against the top of my hair. He strangled the bones of my body with a slight pain, but I quietly let him hold me.
After half a ring, I heard his voice, deep and almost soft, as if afraid of waking up something, saying: “Xi Xi, that’s it, don’t become unfamiliar to me.”.
I was silent and did not answer him.
We seem to have become what we used to be, and I am good at hiding my emotions, but after that, I can’t tell him from me, whether it’s love or habit, or whether I’m just waiting for a breakthrough. I didn’t expect
such an outbreak to come so soon. After the end of the project in the second quarter, the team prepared a dinner and wanted to relax. Before I
left the company, I sent him a text message. He often came to pick me up from work when he had nothing to do recently. The message was quickly answered. He said, “OK, I’ll wait for you at home.”.
I looked at the text message and smiled softly at the corners of my mouth. At the end of the
dinner, it was nearly eleven o’clock. Because of the large number of people in the team project, we booked a box. When we came out of the box and passed the hall, I glanced at Gu Shanshan at random.
Gu Shanshan has always been my nightmare, that is, this woman, how good she is, but every time she appears, she can make my psychological defense line collapse again and again, I can not help but admit defeat and inferiority, which is the psychological shadow caused by the deep injury in my girlhood.
Breathing at that moment was actually slightly suffocating, the hotel’s hanging lights were dazzling, she was smiling, I was familiar with the strange look, the line of sight slightly turned, I saw the man sitting opposite her.
I am so familiar with Song Daiyan that I can feel him breathing 5 meters away from me, not to mention the back of his head. A few hours ago, he sent me a text message telling me that he was waiting for me at home.
Perhaps the impact on me was only a moment. After understanding the scene in front of me, I woke up strangely. All the emotions brewing in my heart disappeared in an instant. Gu Shanshan looked up and saw me stunned for a moment. Then she nodded slightly at me and smiled demurely.
I smiled, too, and walked over.
Sung Dai-yen’s face turned pale for a moment. He looked at me and said almost subconsciously, “I didn’t lie to you.”.
“I said calmly,” What’s the point of an old friend’s dinner? It’s rare for Miss Ku to come back. You should be a good host.
His expression was very strange, as if he didn’t expect me to react like this, and his eyes looked at me almost like a look.
I smiled calmly at him again and said, “Do you have a house key?”?
I forgot to bring it.
He got up unconsciously, took the coat on the back of the chair and said, I’ll go with you.
“I shook my head and said,” No, how can I accompany someone to the middle of a meal? You eat first, and I’ll go first.
I don’t know how natural and calm my expression is. It’s strange that this woman, whose name I heard a few years ago, is facing a formidable enemy. Now when I see Song Daiyan having dinner with her, I really don’t think about anything.
My heart was silent. I even went back to take a shower. I didn’t even know when I fell asleep. I woke up
again in the middle of the night. There was a dark shadow on the sofa in the living room. A little scarlet flickered between his fingers. There was a smell of smoke in the room. I coughed twice. Then I turned on the light. He sat on the sofa in silence. I was startled and asked him, “Why don’t you go to sleep?”?
He didn’t speak. I stood at the door of the bedroom and looked at him. He put the cigarette in his hand in the ashtray and said, I really have nothing to do with her. After you sent the text message, she called me, but I didn’t answer. Then she said she was going to settle down in the United States. This was the last time she came back. She wanted to say goodbye.
“I nodded.” Well, OK, I see.
I opened the French window of the living room and looked at him and asked, Why don’t you take a shower? Ignoring me,
he continued, I was afraid you would misunderstand. When I ran all the way back, I was thinking about how I would explain to you, especially when there was no light at home. I thought you were gone, but when I turned on the light, I saw you asleep in the bedroom.
You slept so soundly that I didn’t even notice when I opened the door.
He looked up at me. His handsome face was a little depressed, and the corners of his eyes were scarlet. He looked at me and said, “I’d rather you were gone at that moment.”.
I paused and explained softly, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired today..” Do you still care about me?
He interrupted me abruptly and asked directly, “Do you still care about me?”?
I don’t know if you’ve noticed that you haven’t come to me on your own initiative for a long time. You won’t keep nagging me to quit smoking, nor will you accommodate me. No matter how low the temperature of the air conditioner is at night, you won’t roll into my arms. Have you noticed that I’ve quit smoking for three months?
I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t refute what he said. I didn’t even know the cause of these signs. I didn’t like anyone else, and he didn’t change, but I suddenly changed.
Suddenly I don’t love him.
He looked at me in silence, and then anxiously pulled out a cigarette from the tea table. After lighting it, he seemed a little impatient. He had a bad temper all the time. He gave up on himself in the little smoke and asked me, “What on earth do you want, Wang Xi?”?
Do you want to break up?
I was silent for a long time, and finally I answered him. I said, “Well, let’s break up.”.
This is the first time I’ve broken up with him. He dropped the burning cigarette on the table in his
hand. He stood up and kicked the tea table with great force. The tea table made of marble was kicked away by him. He shouted at me with red eyes: “Well, break up and break up. Can’t you think I’m leaving you?”?
Then he slammed the door and left. There was a deafening clang. I don’t know where he went. He probably went to spend the night in the car. I
stood where I was for an hour, and then I began to pack. The next morning, I took my things to Ah He’s house. Filled with righteous indignation,
Ah He pointed at me and asked, “Tell me, did that grandson fail you again?”? I didn’t sleep
all night, and I was so sleepy that I dozed off. Hearing this, I shook my head and said, “Ah Ho, I agreed.” In fact, this sentence has been circulating in my heart hundreds of times during this period, but this is the first time I have said it.
Too tired, and a little relieved, like embracing myself who almost suffocated under the red sand of the Sahara four years ago because of betrayal and despair.
I finally opened my mouth and said, “I don’t love him anymore, Ah Ho. I don’t seem to love him anymore.”.
She stared at me, her mouth wide open in surprise, as if she were looking at someone she didn’t know. I went to the Sahara
again. When I was standing on the top of the vast desert, I received a phone call from Ah He. She asked me hesitantly, “Who came to take you back? I lost a lot of weight and looked very pitiful.” But she immediately changed her position and asked, “I beat him out. When will you come back?”?
Finally, as if not giving up, he struggled and asked, “Are you really finished this time? Is it impossible?”?
I smiled and did not speak.
Later, Ah He betrayed me. When I got off the plane back home, I saw Song Daiyan. He had indeed lost a lot of weight, but he was still in good spirits. Seeing me, he smiled, looked cautious and a little nervous, and said, “I’ve come to pick you up.”.
I was not pretentious. After I got on the bus with him, I said, “Thank you. Just take me to Ah He.”.
He pressed the steering wheel in silence for a long time before he said, “I was wrong, okay? I was wrong.”.
Such a proud man, I don’t think he has ever begged anyone like that.
I was really wrong. After you left, the house was empty. I couldn’t stay a minute without you.
He took a deep breath, closed his reddish eyes, took out a small square box from his bosom, handed it to me, and said, Let’s get married, Wang Xi. It is impossible
not to be surprised. A man like him, metaphorically speaking, is like the wind, which comes and goes freely. He has always been a man who is afraid of burdens. Even in the time when I loved him most, I never imagined that one day he would propose to me.
But in addition to the shock, I have no other emotions, I have been unable to figure out, when I liked Song Daiyan so much, when I was treated like that, when I was humble to the dust, I was persistent and did not let go, why after everything was stable, I suddenly changed.
I thought about it for a long time, but I didn’t figure it out until I went back to my hometown four years ago, and I finally figured it out.
I have never been a magnanimous person. In the torrent of time, I always remember the despair that was deeply hurt four years ago, the bitter pleading and pleading, and the accommodation without bottom line and principle.
Those desperate thoughts of self-abandonment and wanting to get over it were slowly fermenting in the last four years when Song Daiyan and I humbly sought to be together again.
Originally, I have never forgotten those injuries, my affection gradually disappeared in repeated memories, and finally only Wang Xi, who picked up the few self-esteem and self-love left over the years.
The girl’s reflex arc was so long, and after such a long time, she suddenly realized that she wanted to love herself. When I
pushed Song Daiyan’s ring away, I was extremely calm. I knew I would not regret my decision now. I looked at Song Daiyan, shook my head, and said with regret and relief: I’m sorry, Song Daiyan, I don’t love you anymore.
He seemed to anticipate this ending. After a long silence, he smiled with red eyes and asked, “I don’t love you now. Will it happen after that?”? You
don’t have anyone you like, right? If you start all over again, would you like to give me another chance?
I looked at the traffic outside, the time was so long, it repaired all my inferiority and wounds, gave me a complete Wang Xi, I finally learned to treat love with an equal attitude.
As for what happens after that, who knows? Leaning my
head against the car window, I smiled and let time prove it.
. Focus on not getting lost ~
