Xia Jianwanzhou
is waiting for you to finish class. When you grow up
and are cheated by scum men for money and sex, I will go to the police station to report to the police.
The police asks: “You are 25 years old, can you still be cheated?”
I answered truthfully, “He is so handsome.”
That night, someone who was familiar with the road blocked me in front of my house. “Do you think he is handsome or I am handsome?”
I was sitting in the police station, in a serious atmosphere, and I couldn’t help shaking my legs. From the
opposite table came the sound of two fingertips tapping on the table.
I looked up, and the policeman had one hand on my notebook and the other on the table.
His fingers were long and thin, and the blood vessels on the back of his hand were particularly clear.
I watched, for no reason, trying to put a needle in the policeman’s hand.
“Continued evening.” I snapped to myself when I heard the
policeman call my name.
“How did you meet him?”
I raised my eyes to the sight of the police, trying to ignore some of the emotions that were mixed in. We met
at a bar. He was a wine-seller, and I went there many times, and we got to know each other.
The pen was in the policeman’s hand, twirled by his slender fingers.
The policeman narrowed his eyes and sneered, “Have you learned to go to a bar?”
I didn’t answer, exercising my right to silence.
“Go on, how did you get together?”
I frowned and tilted my head to look at him. “Officer Cheng, this question doesn’t seem to have much to do with me being swindled, does it?” “Oh,”
he said. “So you remember my last name.”
I raised my chin to his chest and said, “It says on your name tag, Zheng Xingzhou, officer Zheng.”
Zheng Xingzhou lowered his head and sighed lightly.
Then he stood up, went to the door, and closed it.
Then he came up to me and leaned on the edge of the table, his hands around his chest. After
a silence, Zheng Xingzhou called my name softly. In
a trance, I thought of the countless times in the past when he had called me by my name.
“Continued evening.”
“Were you really cheated by him?”
I looked up into his eyes and caught the hidden danger in his eyes.
“Officer Cheng, we’ve been separated for three years. What do you care about?” When
Zheng Xingzhou asked me why I was cheated by that scum man, I said, because he was so handsome.
This is a fact.
But there’s another fact that I didn’t say.
That scumbag looks so much like Zheng Xingzhou. After breaking up
with Zheng Xingzhou, before meeting again, in this small city, even if deliberately to touch, also can not meet Zheng Xingzhou.
I went to a bar at random and saw the scum man who looked 90% like Zheng Xingzhou.
I bought his wine, and he made me hold hands.
Finally, while I was drunk, he put on a face that looked like Zheng Xingzhou and sold me miserably, saying that if he couldn’t pay his debts, he would be stripped of his arms and legs.
Zheng Xingzhou will be treated like this, and I will never allow it.
So I gave him 30,000 yuan in anger. After so
Bering up, the scum disappeared from the world.
“Yes, we have broken up.”
Standing in front of me, Zheng Xingzhou repeated my words.
I don’t know if he’s talking to me or to himself.
He turned and sat back in his chair, closed the book, and his face returned to an expressionless look.
“You can go now, and other colleagues will contact you later.”
I nodded, stood up and walked to the door. When I
grasped the door handle and was about to open the door down, I couldn’t help looking back. In the
line of sight, Zheng Xingzhou did not look up.
He looked at the other materials in his hand and said in a muffled voice, “No.”
I touched my nose, said “goodbye,” and left the police station. After
graduation, I worked in a cafe.
Today, in order to see Zheng Xingzhou, oh no, in order to go to the police station to report the case, I specially changed the night shift with my colleagues. When I got home
from work, it was nearly nine o’clock. A few days
ago, the last light in the unit building was broken. When
I entered the unit, it was dark, and only when I reached the window of the corridor could I see the steps under my feet by the faint moonlight.
Walking to the third floor, a smell of tobacco came to my nostrils.
It must be that annoying neighbor smoking in the hallway again.
My hand rummaged in my bag for the key, and the moment my skin touched the cold metal, a hand suddenly rested on my shoulder from behind.
I panicked, thinking that the scum man knew that I had reported the case and came back to retaliate. I quickly turned around and leaned my back against the door, trying to see who was coming by moonlight.
The next second, he raised his other hand to the back of my head, and at the same time, with a slight force on my shoulder, he took me back until my back was close to the door.
Then he leaned over.
Within a short distance, his breath instantly occupied my nasal cavity with the familiar smell of tobacco. The
faint moonlight shone through the window on the man’s face.
Looking up, I saw Zheng Xingzhou’s eyes staring at me.
He leaned closer and asked softly, “Xu Wan, since we broke up, why did you come back to provoke me?”
I raised my hand between me and him. “What do you want?” As soon as
I spoke, he put his hand on my shoulder harder.
“Don’t you know what I want to do?” In the
dark corridor, Zheng Xingzhou was getting closer and closer to me, with his arm next to mine. I haven’t seen him for
three years, and his arms seem to be stronger. It seems to be a little different
from the teenager who was clamoring around me, saying that he wanted to be a policeman and protect me for a lifetime.
I licked my dry lips, raised my chin, and looked up at him.
“I don’t know.” As
I spoke, my hand hanging at my side clenched the corner of my clothes tightly and trembled slightly.
Under Zheng Xingzhou’s imprisonment, I breathed deeply and tried to keep my voice steady, but in an instant I inhaled more of the familiar smell of tobacco. God
only knows how much I’ve missed the smell for three years. Not on
anyone else.
Only Zheng Xingzhou can make me feel at ease.
My hand went down slowly, and I felt his belt.
Like every other time in all those years, the palms tightened and he held his belt in his hands. In the
dark, I used my finger pulp to confirm the logo in the middle of the belt.
Well, it was the last birthday present I gave him before we broke up.
“Officer Cheng, why did you come to see me at this time?” Unable to
wait for Zheng Xingzhou to answer, I stood on tiptoe slightly and approached him, bringing the distance between us closer.
“Could it be, Officer Cheng, that you still have feelings for me?”
My voice fell, Zheng Xingzhou did not answer. The
dark corridor fell silent again.
His breath was still heavy and hot, letting me know that he was still here.
I stood opposite him, and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek.
Several emotions mingled together, making me feel that the afterheat was like a raging fire, burning me out. After a long silence,
Zheng Xingzhou was about to open his mouth when he was interrupted by the sudden ringing of his cell phone in his pocket.
“Hello? Yes, it’s me.”
Not knowing what was said on the other side of the phone, Zheng Xingzhou suddenly cursed in a low voice.
“I know. I’m going back to the station.”
He hung up and put the phone back in his pocket.
A cold wind at the end of summer blew in from the window of the corridor, passed between me and Zheng Xingzhou, brought me and his clothes, touched each other for a second, and then returned to the original position.
I dropped my arms, put my back to the door and pulled away from him again.
At the same time, Zheng Xingzhou also slowly backward, I saw him open his mouth, want to speak and stop.
Finally, without saying anything, he turned and walked down the stairs. When he
reached the stairway, Zheng Xingzhou suddenly stopped and stood under the shabby window.
“Continued evening.”
I turned to look at him.
“Why did we break up three years ago?”
By moonlight, I saw him put his hands in his pockets and tilt his head to look at me. Although
the moonlight was faint, it was enough for me to see the irony in his eyes clearly.
“No, I should ask, three years ago, what was the reason that made you abandon me without hesitation?” At night, I once again dreamed of the scene when I broke up with Zheng Xingzhou. The day
we broke up was Zheng Xingzhou’s birthday.
That year, during the summer vacation of freshman year, Zheng Xingzhou invited me to his home to celebrate his birthday together.
Before going out, I took a careful look at my grandmother who was lying in bed and getting weaker and weaker. When
I was very young, my parents divorced and remarried, leaving me alone with my grandmother.
For me, I have only one relative, my grandmother.
But not long ago, Grandma was ill.
It was not easy for me to stick to the end of the college entrance examination, but my condition suddenly worsened.
I stroked my grandmother’s wrinkled but warm hands and told her that I would be back soon.
I quickly put on my shoes and trotted downstairs.
Out of the door of the unit, I looked up and looked at the sky.
At the moment, the clouds are gathering, and it looks like there will be a heavy rain.
At that time, I did not know that my life was like the weather, which was about to usher in a rainstorm that would not stop.
Zheng Xingzhou’s home is in the residential area with the highest unit price in the center of the city, and the “old and small” I live in are the two extremes of this city.
As soon as I entered his house, I saw several plates of fruit on the table facing the door, some of which I couldn’t even name.
He took out his slippers, placed them at my feet, and led me into the living room. On the
tea table, there are also many beautifully packaged snacks, which are printed in foreign languages from a distance.
Zheng Xingzhou’s mother sat on the sofa with her hands around her chest and looked at me from head to foot.
In addition to looking at him, his mother’s eyes, which resembled Zheng Xingzhou’s, were filled with undisguised contempt. I met his mother for the first time
that day.
Although I knew in my heart that his mother didn’t like me, I forced myself to say hello to his mother with the cleverest smile.
His mother did not answer, but turned to look at the TV screen.
Cheng Hsing-chou took me by the wrist and pulled me behind him. “Mom, I’m saying hello to you tonight. You should answer.”
Then his mother snorted, “People say that if you marry a daughter-in-law, you forget your mother. You’re not married yet, but you’re protecting your calf in front of me.”
Zheng Xingzhou lowered his head, no longer answered, but pulled me to the sofa and let me sit down.
He also sat down, with his thighs next to my legs.
In this cold weather, only the temperature of his body is continuously transmitted to my body.
The next second, his mother picked up a bag of snacks and threw them at my hand.
“These are all imported. You haven’t eaten them at home, have you?”
She said, glancing at the faded canvas bag in my arms.
“By the light of Ah Chou, have a taste.”
I looked down at the snacks in my hand, and the package, which had no temperature, suddenly turned into a pot of boiling water, which made my palms hurt.
Then, with a wave of his long arm, Zheng Xingzhou took the snacks from my palm and threw them back on the tea table.
“Mom, you can eat whatever you want every night.”
After lunch, his mother took out a huge birthday cake from the refrigerator and a latest mobile phone. After I
said “Happy Birthday”, I kept my lips tight.
I am afraid that the envy in the darkest part of my heart will turn into tears and flow down inappropriately. Growing up
, no one had ever celebrated my birthday like this.
To the rest of us, my birth seems to be nothing but a burden.
Until Zheng Xingzhou appeared, he became the first person to celebrate my birthday.
He would buy me presents, he would write me letters, he would sing me a whole happy birthday song with glee.
As if, in this world, I need to exist, he is the only one.
Half an hour later, I left his house on the pretext of a part-time job.
As soon as I walked out of the door of his apartment, I was drenched by the sudden rainstorm. There was a sound of trotting footsteps
behind him.
I stopped and looked back.
It was Zheng Xingzhou with an umbrella in his hand, trotting towards me. After
running to my side, he opened the umbrella and put it all on my head, but he stood in the rain, his expensive clothes were wet and he didn’t care.
“I’ll take you home tonight.”
I looked up at the logo printed on the edge of the umbrella.
In Zheng Xingzhou’s life, even if it’s just an umbrella to keep out the rain, I can’t afford it. In
the rainstorm, a thunderbolt came down. The mobile phone in
my pocket suddenly buzzed and vibrated.
It’s Dad.
As soon as I connected the phone, I heard an earth-shaking cry in the background of the phone. Before
my dad could speak, he sighed heavily,
“Your grandma, just now..” Passed away. As soon as
my father’s voice fell, another thunder came down. There was a sound of footsteps treading water
behind him.
I took my cell phone and looked at the sound in a daze.
It was Zheng Xingzhou’s mother, holding an umbrella, running towards us.
No, it’s running towards Zheng Xingzhou. After
she trotted to Zheng Xingzhou’s side, she put all her umbrellas on his head, while she stood in the rain.
In a flash, an emotion called “inferiority complex” exploded in my body. The word
“inferiority” can only be written with fifteen strokes.
But when it appeared in my body, it was like a rainstorm that would not stop, or like a huge tsunami after an earthquake.
It only takes a few seconds to break down and wash away the self-esteem that I have painstakingly built for so many years. There is nothing left
but a mess. As soon as the
picture turned, I dreamed of the first meeting with Zheng Xingzhou in high school.
That morning, the teacher said that a new student would be transferred to our class. During the
morning exercise, I went to the office to deliver the paper to the teacher. When I
walked through the corridor and passed our class, I saw a boy sitting in the classroom which should be empty.
He was wearing a brand new school uniform and sat in the window seat.
I went to the front door and saw that the window was open. The
early autumn wind blew up the curtain beside him and covered him.
For no reason, I quickened my pace. When I finally
got to the back door, I turned around again. The curtain blown
by the wind returned to calm, the sun shone through the glass window, reflecting on him, and the clean white school uniform seemed to be shining.
The dream kept changing, and I was wet all over, like I was immersed in water.
I turned over and dreamed of the day when I was surrounded by my eldest sister outside the school in high school.
When those fists full of strength were about to fall on me, it was Zheng Xingzhou who suddenly appeared in front of me and took the place of me.
After that, he comforted me with a smirk on his colorful face.
“When we grow up, I’m going to be a cop, I’m going to protect you, and then I’m going to catch all these bad guys.”
“All right, don’t cry.”
At that time, I thought that Zheng Xingzhou would be the only one of my kind in this strange world.
We will always snuggle together and keep each other warm. In the
dream, a line of thunder came down one after another.
Somehow, the picture returned to Zheng Xingzhou’s birthday.
Zheng Xingzhou took his mother’s umbrella and pushed her away. I dug out the belt I wanted to give Zheng Xingzhou as a birthday gift
from my bag. I bought it
with two months’ salary from my part-time job.
Then I took his hand for the last time. The world
he lives in is surrounded by perfection and happiness.
And my world, full of misfortune and inferiority, is dark. Zheng Xingzhou and
I are not the same kind.
Even, to him, it’s like I’m the other one.
“Cheng Hsing-chou, let’s break up.”
The voice fell, no matter how Zheng Xingzhou retained, no matter how he cried to hold my hand, I did not look back.
I struggled to get into the taxi, and the running car stirred up the water on the ground and left him all over.
Finally, I left him behind.
It’s just that I never thought about how sad I would be in my life without Zheng Xingzhou.
This bizarre dream was interrupted by a phone call.
I opened my eyes and swallowed subconsciously, feeling my throat dry and uncomfortable. The telephone
on the table is vibrating constantly.
I tried to prop up my upper body, and then I felt sore all over, and the pain was unbearable when I moved a little.
I hissed and fell back feebly.
The phone hung up and the room was quiet again.
A few seconds later, the vibration sounded again.
Forget it. It’s tanking. I won’t take it.
As soon as I closed my eyes, the acerbic face of the owner of the coffee shop suddenly appeared in my mind, with his usual mean expression.
Beating workers is the soul of working.
I opened my eyes, clenched my back teeth, exerted all my strength, and finally sat up slowly from the bed.
I raised my arm to the desk and held the phone in my hand.
It was the police station.
At the thought that the person on the other end of the phone might be Zheng Xingzhou, I swallowed a few more saliva unconsciously, but frowned with pain. “Hello?”
I said in a hoarse voice.
Hello? Miss Xu Wan?
Not Zheng Xingzhou. With a sigh,
I took off my strength and lay back on the bed. After
turning on the phone’s speakerphone, I put the phone on my pillow.
“Yes, it’s me.”
I spoke again, and my husky voice startled me.
“We have made progress in your fraud case. So far, we have found out that the suspect has gone to another city.”
I listened quietly to the policeman, holding my hand to my lips and fighting the urge to cough.
A few minutes later, I couldn’t help it and coughed violently.
When I calmed down, there was no sound on the other end of the phone. I don’t know if the police were frightened by me.
I closed my eyes, and the aftermath of the cough caused me to breathe quickly.
The next second, I heard someone calling my name.
The most familiar voice, in the most familiar tone.
“Continued evening.”
It’s Zheng Xingzhou.
I quickly put aside the mobile phone in my hand again.
Zheng Xingzhou called my name several times in succession.
I opened my lips and was about to answer when his face suddenly appeared in front of me. I
don’t know if it’s because I’m sick, but I suddenly want to touch his face.
Soft skin, pinch it, and then hug him.
Therefore, I deliberately did not answer. On the other end of the
phone, Zheng Xingzhou’s tone gradually rose.
“Continue the evening!”! Answer me!
Instead of answering, I was breathing more rapidly and heavily.
Then I heard someone shouting Zheng Xingzhou’s name on the other end of the phone.
Zheng Xingzhou, where are you going again?! The leader is still here! Haven’t you been scolded enough for sneaking out of the station the other night?! The
violent sleep, like the rising tide of the sea, rolled up huge waves and came to me.
My hand holding the mobile phone is getting looser and looser. As
my consciousness began to blur, I seemed to hear Cheng Hsing-chou say, “Go find my girlfriend.”
I lay in bed in a daze.
The body is like duckweed in the water, drifting along the waves. When I woke up from a nightmare
again, I turned over with the pain in my body.
It wasn’t long before the hallway suddenly became noisy. The sound insulation of
this old building is too bad. The neighbor
next to him would shout in the corridor every day, and no matter what others said, it would not work.
Sooner or later, I’m going to put my finger on his nose and give him a good scolding.
Suddenly, the noise seemed to move from the corridor to my home.
Among them, there was a man’s voice calling my name continuously, from far to near.
The next second, a cold hand was gently placed on my forehead.
Just for a moment, I seemed to have found a savior, and finally I could extinguish the burning fire in my body.
I raised my hands to my forehead, found the cold hand at random, held it tightly, and brought it to my cheek, trying to use it as an ice bag to cool myself.
In a trance, I thought of a time when I was still with Zheng Xingzhou, I also had such a high fever.
It was Zheng Xingzhou who used his own body temperature to cool me down. Zheng Xingzhou. Suddenly I feel that I miss him so much. But in the dream he has been back to me, no matter how I call him, he did not look back.
I curled my lips and murmured, “Zheng Xingzhou, why do you ignore me?” So I took the hand to my heart and tried to let it feel my beating heart to prove that I really missed him.
“Zheng Xingzhou, am I going to die?”
Before what little consciousness I had left disappeared, I felt my hand clenched in the cold hand, tightly.
The voice that I missed for three years, like a tranquilizing incantation, whispered in my ear, and my restless heart finally settled down.
“Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” When I woke up
again, my eyes were white.
I turned my heavy head and looked left and right. Only
then did I confirm that I was lying in a hospital bed.
This dream is really a long dream. Next to the hospital bed, a nurse who was changing dressings for other patients saw me wake up. As she lowered her head and wrote down the medical record, she said, “Little girl, you’re awake. Don’t move yet. Your boyfriend has gone to pay the bill. He’ll be back in a minute.”
I opened my dry lips. “My boyfriend?”
The nurse closed the medical record and looked up at me. “Yes, you have a high fever. Your boyfriend sent you to the hospital.”
Seeing that I didn’t speak, the nurse slapped me on the thigh and said, “I’m so confused. I don’t even remember my boyfriend. He’s the one in the police uniform.” As soon as
the nurse’s voice fell, I saw a man in police uniform appear at the door of the ward. With his head down,
he was looking through the documents in his hand and went into the ward.
When he reached my hospital bed, he folded the documents neatly and put them in his pocket.
I looked down and saw that his knees were somehow covered with a lot of dust.
He didn’t seem to expect me to wake up, and when he looked up and saw my eyes open, he was obviously stunned.
But, for a second, his face was expressionless again.
“You’re awake.” Cheng Hsing-chou looked up at my transfusion and said, “It’s almost over.”
His voice was so cold that he could not hear any ups and downs.
I nodded, did not speak, and turned my eyes elsewhere.
The next second, Zheng Xingzhou raised his cold hand and put it in front of my forehead to confirm my body temperature.
The temperature is the same as that in the dream.
I turned to look at him, but I couldn’t see any other emotion on his face.
“The fever is gone.”
Zheng Xingzhou said, opened a bottle of mineral water and handed it to me.
I curled my lips, looked at the water bottle, and then looked at him. “You feed me.”
Cheng Hsing-chou raised his eyes and looked at me coldly? When you drank too much, did you let that swindler feed you water like that?
…………
It’s really a pot that doesn’t need to be mentioned.
I pulled my hand out of the heavy quilt, took the water bottle, looked up slightly, and drank a few mouthfuls. As soon as
I tried to put the water bottle back on the table, Zheng Xingzhou took it.
He lowered his head and calmly screwed the cap on the water bottle. He asked in a low voice, “Xu Wan, you are so old. How can you not learn to take care of yourself?”
For no reason, my nasal cavity suddenly became sour, choking me to tears in the next second.
My hands at my sides gripped the quilt tightly, resisting the urge to cry.
Next to me, Zheng Xingzhou moved a chair by himself and sat beside my bed, as if to wait for me to finish all the medicine.
“Zheng Xingzhou.”
I stared at him and said in a hoarse voice, “Before I fell asleep, I heard you say that you were going to find your girlfriend.”
He raised his hand to confirm the flow rate of the infusion tube.
“I said it subconsciously. Don’t worry about it.”
“Subconscious.” I repeated his words in a low voice, then suddenly thought of something and looked up at him again. “We broke up. Why do you still take care of me like this?” As soon as
I spoke, he looked up at the ceiling.
Then he sighed lightly.
“I don’t know.”
He licked the corners of his lips. “Maybe I’m used to it.”
“Get used to what?”
Zheng Xingzhou turned to look at me.
He frowned, and his good-looking eyes showed some unknown emotion.
“I’m used to taking care of you, I’m used to following you, I’m used to, as soon as you appear, all my attention and eyes will be uncontrollably focused on you.”
Zheng Xingzhou whispered in a hoarse voice.
I turned to look at him and met his eyes.
Although I am still me, he is still him, but after three years, again so calm face to face, always feel as if something has changed.
Suddenly, the instrument beside my bed sounded the sound of the end of the infusion.
Zheng Xingzhou immediately stood up and checked my hanging water. When
he leaned forward, the corner of the police uniform was next to the bed.
I raised my hand uncontrollably and touched the corner of my clothes.
The next second, he turned around and went out to call the nurse and took the corner of the clothes from my hand.
I tried to catch it, but I didn’t catch anything.
A few minutes later, the nurse followed Zheng Xingzhou in.
She routinely took my hand and tried to remove the needle.
I quickly turned my head and forced myself to look away.
Then a pair of slender hands suddenly appeared in front of my eyes, gently covering my eyes.
I grew up afraid of needles.
Zheng Xingzhou, also remember. After the
infusion, Zheng Xingzhou drove me home.
I opened the passenger door, got out of the car, and walked on my own.
Behind him came the sound of the car door being closed.
Then there was another sound of footsteps. I
didn’t look back, and I kept walking to the door of my apartment.
In this way, Zheng Xingzhou and I, one after the other, walked together from the entrance of the community to the entrance of the unit building.
Mingming used to be the closest person, but at this moment, he is like two strangers who have never known each other. When
I was about to enter the apartment building, the footsteps behind me suddenly stopped and stopped moving forward.
“Continued evening.”
When I heard Zheng Xingzhou calling my name, I stopped and turned to look at him.
He walked slowly towards me with his head down. After
arriving at my side, Zheng Xingzhou slowly crouched down, pulled out his hands, which had been inserted in his pants pocket, and went to my shoes.
“Your shoelace has come undone.”
He tied my loose shoelaces again, as he had done every other time. It seems that only he can tie
this knot.
Every time he helped me tie it, it always lasted for a long time. After I separated from him, I taught myself for a long time, but I couldn’t learn anything. In the
line of sight, his slender hands moved quickly.
Inexplicably, I really want to pull those hands, and then clasp my fingers with him and walk anywhere together.
Soon, the loose shoelace turned into a beautiful bow under his hands.
“Continued evening.” He stood up straight and faced me.
“Let’s stop here.”
I know that Zheng Xingzhou is not talking about the distance.
He’s talking about me and him.
But I still pretended not to understand, with a puzzled expression, “What did you say?”
His eyes went from bottom to top, and finally stopped on my face, opposite my eyes.
“I admit that when I saw you again, I was out of my control and wanted to be close to you.”
“I restrained myself and pretended to be indifferent, but it didn’t work.”
“When I hear that your voice is not right, I will still run to you regardless.”
“But it’s too late.” Cheng Hsing-chou pauses for a few seconds and exhales heavily. “I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”
“I don’t want to experience the feeling of being abandoned by you again.”
I stared at him, trying to find something else in his eyes-sadness, anger at my abandonment of him, whatever.
But there is nothing.
His amorous eyes were like a pool of stagnant water at the moment, and no matter how hard I threw a few stones, there would be no waves.
“So, you and I, let’s stop here.”
Zheng Xingzhou finished and turned away without hesitation.
I stood there in a daze and watched his back walk into the distance.
Suddenly, I seemed to see a string of things falling out of his pocket.
I stepped forward quickly, half crouched down, and picked up the string of things.
It’s a key chain.
I held it in my hand and my eyes rested on a pendant hanging on it.
The pendant is a small photo frame.
As soon as I opened it, I saw a picture. In the
photo, it turned out to be a person I could not be more familiar with. Wearing her high school uniform and a high ponytail,
she stood in the sun and smiled at the person who took her picture.
This is a photo taken by Zheng Xingzhou, 18, for Xu Wan, 18, on the day of graduation.
I held the key chain under the street lamp and looked at it carefully. One corner of the
photo frame pendant has been damaged, and the photos inside have been somewhat yellowed.
I took the key chain upstairs, and as soon as I passed the corner, I saw the annoying neighbor next door standing in the corridor smoking again.
He leaned against the door and saw me come back with a malicious smile on his face. “That little boyfriend of yours can do it.” I looked back at him as I rummaged
in my bag for my keys. “What did you say?”
He took a hard puff of his cigarette and exhaled a big puff of smoke. “That’s your policeman boyfriend. He knocked on the door and couldn’t open it, so he immediately found someone to open the lock and said that his girlfriend had fainted at home and was very worried.”
“I picked your lock and ran downstairs with you in my arms.” After smoking
a cigarette, he threw it into the trash can in the corridor and added, “Oh, yes, he fell down!”! Tsk, tsk, I see his knees are Before he
closed the door, he raised his hand and pointed to the door of my house. “Besides, he’s really efficient. In the morning, he even found someone to come over and change a new lock for you.”
I turned to look at the door lock, and indeed, as he said, it was a new door lock, even a fingerprint lock.
It seems that this neighbor is still useful. I won’t scold you for the
time being. When I
got home, I spent the whole night sitting on the sofa and thinking a lot. Zheng Xingzhou was indifferent to me after the
reunion, and Zheng Xingzhou was gentle to me when he was in love before. The
two figures of Zheng Xingzhou appeared repeatedly in my mind, and finally, they slowly overlapped and overlapped into one. After
a high fever, there is still some fever in the eye socket.
When I closed my eyes, the cold hand suddenly appeared in front of me.
I raised my hand to catch it, and all I caught was air. When I opened my eyes
again, I raised the hand that had touched the corner of Zheng Xingzhou’s clothes to my eyes, rubbed my finger pulp, and recalled the touch at that time.
At the same time, my ears were accompanied by the voice of Zheng Xingzhou calling my name in a low voice-cold and tender, appearing alternately.
Outside the window, the sun rises on a new day, and warm light shines into the living room.
I sat up straight from the sofa and took out my mobile phone from my bag.
Unlock the screen and enter a string of phone numbers that don’t exist in the phone, but are already familiar with it. Three years
later, I dialed the number again, and I didn’t even know if it was him.
The phone rang a few times, but no one answered.
I held my cell phone in one hand and put the other hand on my knee, clenching it into a fist.
I waited for a few minutes, but it was like a year.
Finally, the phone was connected. But
I dare not speak.
A few seconds later, it was the person on the other side of the phone who spoke first: “Continue evening.” On the other side of the
phone, Zheng Xingzhou seemed to be smoking. I can
even think of the way he smokes. In the
smoke, he held a cigarette between his slender fingers, sparks.
I swallowed my saliva. “Have you caught that scumbag who cheats money and sex?”
Cheng Hsing-chou sneered, “After three years, you’re calling me again just to ask about that swindler?”
He exhaled and said, “I’m hanging up.”
“Zheng Xingzhou!”
I quickly stopped him, took a few deep breaths, and my lips trembled.
“See you at the school gate tomorrow night.”
I asked Zheng Xingzhou to meet at the gate of the former high school.
Actually, I’m not even sure he’s coming.
After all, I did not hesitate to abandon him when we were most in love and were about to embrace a new future together.
Until now, he doesn’t know the reason why I decided to break up with him.
But I still went out early, took a taxi to the school gate, stood in the most prominent position, waiting for Zheng Xingzhou.
At this time, it is time for high school students to leave school.
Countless teenagers and girls in school uniforms crowded out of the school gate, either with ponytails or with clean board inches.
They carried their schoolbags, discussed the homework left by the teacher, and even complained that they were full of youth.
Each one is like the former Xu Wan and Zheng Xingzhou. When
I turned my head and looked around to my left, there was a man in my sight, walking carefully through the crowded crowd and coming towards me.
It’s Zheng Xingzhou. Behind
him are the food stalls that are placed at the school gate all the year round.
Every booth is steaming, surrounded by students, full of human fireworks.
Although many years have passed since Zheng Xingzhou and I lived in high school this year, almost every uncle and aunt who set up a stall here is here before. In a
trance, I had an illusion that it was the third year of senior high school and nothing had changed. In the
line of sight, every time Zheng Xingzhou passed a booth, I could see him and me standing in front of the booth at the age of 18, eating snacks together, talking and laughing, thinking that there would be countless such days in my life.
Gradually, in front of my eyes, Zheng Xingzhou’s movements seemed to be slowed down. As
I watched, I lost my mind. I didn’t come to my senses
until he came up to me and called my name.
I looked up at him in a panic.
Only a day did not see, Zheng Xingzhou’s chin appeared a lot of stubble, that pair of good-looking eyes are also covered with blood.
He frowned and looked tired.
At this moment, Zheng Xingzhou, 25, stood in front of Xu Wan, 25.
Somehow, the restless heart in my chest suddenly calmed down.
Maybe it’s because I finally know what I want.
It’s Zheng Xingzhou. There is
only one Zheng Xingzhou.
Even if, after meeting Zheng Xingzhou again, I will still be surrounded by inferiority, I do not want to, can not, miss Zheng Xingzhou again.
I slowly raised my hand, which was hanging at my side, to his side.
Under Zheng Xingzhou’s stunned gaze, I carefully grasped his index finger, as before.
“Cheng Hsing-chou, what should we do?”
“I can’t seem to forget you.” Zheng Xingzhou did not answer.
He lowered his head and looked at me holding his hand without breaking free.
I looked at him with a smile. “Would you like to go to the snack bar you used to go to?”
He pondered, as if remembering which one I was talking about.
“Good.”
Even though they have been separated for three years, Zheng Xingzhou can still know at once which family I am talking about.
Through a street in front of the school, and then through a corner, we came to the snack bar where Zheng Xingzhou and I always went to eat together when we were in high school.
Looked at the menu, compared with the previous no change, ordered some of the snacks used to eat. Zheng Xingzhou and
I sat face to face.
Zheng Xingzhou’s eyes took the lead in evading, looking a little panicked and turning to look at the wall. The wall
next to it was painted by customers, and almost the whole wall was painted.
I suddenly remembered that when I was in high school, we also wrote here.
I followed and looked at the wall, trying to find the traces we left here before.
I looked from top to bottom and from left to right, but no matter how I looked, I couldn’t find our names.
I stood up and continued to look at the top. “Don’t look for it,” said
Cheng Hsing-chou, sitting opposite him, unwrapping the plastic film of the bowls and chopsticks. “It’s gone.”
I sat back in my chair.
“How do you know?” I asked.
“After I broke up with you, I came here myself, and the boss said he had repainted the whole wall, and all the words written by the previous customers had been covered up.”
Zheng Xingzhou disinfected the bowls and chopsticks with hot water, and when he was about to put the bowl at my hand, his movements suddenly stopped in midair.
He paused and finally put the bowl at my hand.
I stood up, walked straight to the cash register, and took a pen from my boss. After
walking back to my seat, I held my pen and left on the wall what I wanted to say to Zheng Xingzhou in the evening of 2022.
I wrote one stroke at a time: “Zheng Xingzhou, I want you to love me again.” After
writing, I did not cover the cap of the pen, but turned to face Zheng Xingzhou and handed the pen to him.
He looked at me quietly and pursed his lips.
I looked straight at him. “Zheng Xingzhou, do you dare to write?”
I held up my pen and waited for a few minutes without waiting for Zheng Xingzhou to take it. He
was heard saying in a muffled voice, “It’s all over now.”
He lowered his head, pulled out a paper towel and wiped the table.
“You and I, we missed it.”
The boss came over with a snack and put one in front of me and him.
In addition to snacks, there are several bottles of beer.
I took the beer and used the edge of the table to open the cap. When I poured wine
into the glass, I suddenly felt Zheng Xingzhou’s line of sight, and then looked up at him, he changed into that expressionless face.
His eyes rested on my glass, his lips curved, his smile sarcastic.
“Did you learn this from that swindler?”
“Yes.” I bowed my head and filled the bottle.
I looked at Cheng Hsing-chou and smiled. “I drank too much wine with him.” The chopsticks
he was holding in his hand were put on the table by him, and with a bang, all the other customers in the shop looked at us.
“Haven’t you always wanted to know why I broke up with you?”
I raised my glass to my mouth, looked at him and gulped it down.
“I’ll tell you now.”
“It’s because I feel inferior.”
Zheng Xingzhou, you are like the sun, shining wherever you go. I am like a speck of dust in your presence, illuminated by your light, and my smallness is nowhere to be seen.
I picked up the beer and filled another glass.
“After I broke up with you, I didn’t dare to read any news about you because of my inferiority complex.”
I looked up and drank up the wine in my glass again, gasping for breath.
“Once, I took the subway by myself, from my house to your house, and then I took the subway back by myself.”
“Many times, I deliberately took a detour to your office, but I couldn’t meet you.” As soon as
the words fell, I burped.
“Are you looking at me like this because you think I’m funny?”
“Yes, I am funny.”
“After I broke up with you willfully, I loved you alone for three years. How funny!”
Zheng Xingzhou froze for a moment.
Then he lowered his head, looked away, looked up at me, opened his lips, and hesitated to speak.
I raised my hand to get the bottle, but Zheng Xingzhou grabbed it.
He broke my hand and grabbed the bottle. “I thought you had a good life.”
I took the opportunity to ask, “How do you know I’m doing well?” “Because the pictures you posted on the Internet look so happy..”
he replied as he took all the beer to his hand. As soon as the
words came out of his mouth, he realized that something was wrong and stopped suddenly. With a sigh,
Zheng Xingzhou picked up the kettle and filled his cup with water.
“Why do you think you’re the only one who’s having a bad time?”
“For the first year after I broke up with you, I drank every day until I vomited and fainted.”
He lifted his head and drank up the water.
Every day, when I see beautiful clouds, lovely animals, and delicious food, I really want to give it to you at the first time. But it was only at the moment when the phone was connected that I remembered that we had broken up.
“In these three years, every rainy day, every snowy day, every sunny day, every day, I have been thinking about you.”
“But late at night,” says Cheng Hsing-chou, whose already bloodshot eyes turned even redder under the influence of alcohol. “You’ve changed a lot, and I’ve changed a lot, too.”
His hand holding the cup suddenly stopped in the air.
“At night, we can’t go back.” Before
he had finished speaking, I felt as if my whole heart was being pinched tightly, tossing and turning, and the pain made me breathless. My hands clasped together in my
lap.
I know that after tonight, Zheng Xingzhou and I will really miss it.
Entangled for so many years, and separated for three years, if missed again, it will be a lifetime.
I quickly imagined in my mind what would happen to me if the name of Zheng Xingzhou never appeared again for the rest of my long life.
Maybe he will be happy, maybe he will no longer feel inferior, and maybe he will meet many other people who are not like him.
However, I can’t be the most familiar stranger with him calmly.
I can’t start my own family with a person who is not named Zheng Xingzhou, and then do what I promised to do with Zheng Xingzhou.
No way When
I raised my head and looked at Zheng Xingzhou, I felt my tears running down my cheeks to my neck.
“So, let’s get to know each other again?”
I raised my glass to the air, touched his glass, and made a clear sound.
“Hello, Officer Cheng.”
“My name is Xu Wan.”
“I like you, always, always like you.”
Zheng Xingzhou drove me home and, as before, sent me to the front of the unit building. The lights in the
building have been broken.
At this moment, in the night, the space in the unit building is like a black hole.
Zheng Xingzhou stood behind me, as if he had no intention of going any further.
I bit my lip, then turned and walked up to him.
I raised my hand to his waist, pinched his clothes in the palm of my hand, and shook them gently.
“Officer Cheng, it’s too dark inside.” Through the lingering charm of alcohol,
I ignored his indifference and acted like a spoiled child to him.
“Walk me upstairs, will you?”
“Besides, my legs hurt after a high fever.” In the
past, Zheng Xingzhou was always as indifferent as an iceberg in front of others.
Only in the face of my coquetry, he could not resist every time. While
waiting for Zheng Xingzhou’s response, I looked up at him, and he happened to look down at me. When
my eyes met, I accurately captured the flash of emotion in his eyes, which seemed to be mixed with some restraint to suppress impulse.
A few seconds later, Zheng Xingzhou suddenly squatted down.
He turned his back to me, silent, bending his back slightly.
I stepped forward and leaned on his back.
Then he stood up, put his arms around my calves, and carried me to the apartment building.
“Hold me tight.” Zheng Xingzhou said.
I raised my arms to his neck and hugged him tightly. As I
walked through the dark corridor, I buried my face in his neck, like an angry cruise ship, which had gone through many hardships, crossed the turbulent waves, and finally sailed back to the haven, without worrying about the stormy waves outside.
Walking to the door, Zheng Xingzhou held me in one hand and put the other hand in front of the password lock.
“What’s the password?” In the
dark corridor, Zheng Xingzhou’s deep and trembling voice sounded.
“The days you and I spent together after high school.”
The next second, he quickly entered the password and opened the gate.
He carried me into the living room and carefully placed me on the sofa.
He turned around. I thought he was going to go. I quickly raised my hand and grasped his index finger tightly.
“Zheng Xingzhou..” Before
I had finished speaking, I was interrupted by Zheng Xingzhou’s movements.
He sat on his knees beside the sofa, one hand on the edge of the sofa, the other hand accurately found my wrist and held it tightly in his palm.
I heard Zheng Xingzhou whisper, “You shouldn’t have come back to provoke me.”
The moon was in the sky, and the faint moonlight reflected through the glass window into the living room, stretching our shadows very long.
Obviously, the moonlight is exactly the same as before, but at this moment, it makes me look carefully at the sadness and regret on Zheng Xingzhou’s face.
This time, no matter what excuse you use, I will never let you go again. So, you have to think about it, in the end..
I raised my head, cupped his face, and interrupted him with a peck on his cheek. After 25 years
of inferiority, I want to be covered by my sun and redeemed by him before I become more inferior and fall into the abyss.
“Cheng Hsing-chou, let’s go on with our lives.”
(End of full text)
Record No.: YXX1azPQbgFoL5PamUQ4rK
Give you Yongan
, wait for you to finish class, wait for you to grow up
, not wait for
you.
