Why are college students always the most degenerate group?
10 psychological tools are given to you
at the beginning of school. A senior who is two years older than me in high school is a teacher’s child. He has achieved top-notch achievements since childhood. As a result, three years after he was admitted to Fudan, he was dropped out of school because he was addicted to games.
His mother felt so ashamed that she secretly arranged him to take the college entrance examination again in another county. This senior is also really smart. After a year of review, he was admitted to another 985 school.
I think in the year when he was expelled from school, he probably had a profound understanding of why he had fallen and how he should develop in the future.
After all, many detours in life are actually the only way that has long been doomed.
According to Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development, the psychological task to be accomplished between the ages of 12 and 19, that is, from junior high school to college, is to “achieve self-identity.”. To put it bluntly
, self-identity means
that you can know who you are, what kind of person you are, what kind of person you want to be, what career you are engaged in, and how to assume your various roles in society.
Then the current situation is that most children can not complete this task at the age of 19.
After all, before we went to college, our parents and teachers taught us,
“Don’t worry about anything, just raise your grades.”.
We don’t have much time to think about what kind of person I am, what career I want to do, and what kind of future I want to have.
We have only one goal: to get a good college entrance examination for our parents.
So we wait until we are 19 and go to college to complete the task of self-identity.
In high school, there was only one choice, a good grade; in college, there were suddenly more choices.
Play games, fall in love, study, mix clubs, and even if you do something not very good, no one will care about you.
When we don’t know what we want to do, what kind of person we are, and what the three outlooks are, we will naturally slip into the abyss of degeneration. Have
you found that the more children who concentrate on their studies in junior and senior high school, the more children who are severely controlled by their parents, the more likely they are to have psychological confusion or even degeneration in college or society.
There’s another reason to add to our confusion: from the age of 19 to 25, our mental task is to find intimacy and solve loneliness. That is, to find a good partner.
This is embarrassing, while not yet clear who they are, what they want, while already starting to complete the next task of finding a partner.
Then, all sorts of dog blood love in the university also became a beautiful scenery line. Obviously, we have not learned to be responsible for ourselves, how can we be responsible for the future of two people? When we go to
college, how can we complete self-identity in the shortest time and make our study life more meaningful? Choosing the right circle is very important
. When you first enter the university, you will feel a little timid when you enter a strange environment. In order to alleviate this loneliness, integrating into a certain circle has become the first rule to adapt to school life. But what I want to say is that no matter how lonely you are and how much you need to join a group, don’t forget that you always have the right to choose.
In the past, I met a classmate who, in order to integrate into the small group in the dormitory, did not hesitate to act as a tool in the dormitory, fetching water for others, delivering meals, and making fun of everyone. Regardless of their own feelings, compromise must not be respected, not accepted, can only be shame, helplessness, suppressed anger, and more broken personality.
Before you enter each circle, you need to be rational enough to judge whether the circle is worth entering and whether it is beneficial to your growth. There is no lack of some simple students, stuffy in the dormitory with roommates playing games for four years, the results of graduation found that roommates can fight father, but they have nothing to rely on. It’s important
to be open. The more you don’t know who you are and what you want to do in the future, the more you need to be open. Try more activities, explore their own good points, find the fun; Know more people, from them to reflect on their own, learn more qualities; Contact senior schoolmates in advance, inquire about the postgraduate entrance examination information, employment information, understand what certificates need to be tested in four years of university, what abilities to improve, the more information you touch, the more you have the direction of growth. It’s normal to fall in love in
college, but be careful not to fall in love with the “love brain.”. Because of love, classes are not on, collective activities are not participated in, dormitories are not back, as if the world in addition to each other, there is nothing. In the early days of love, we can indeed get a lot of growth, spiritual collision and even personality healing from intimate relationships, but over time, this new thing will become less and less, and even become an obstacle to personal maturity, especially in the case of love brain.
The more closed the two-person world without other normal contacts, the easier it is for the other person to become all your emotional sustenance. On the one hand, this gentle world makes you lazy in self-exploration. On the other hand, when love fails, you will feel the collapse of the whole spiritual world. The loss of independence is like pushing open the door of degeneration.
However, self-identity confusion and not knowing who I am are not the only reasons that lead to the degeneration of college students. Another very important reason is to base self-worth on external results.
Speaking of this, I can’t help but think of a recent passionate speech by a student at Hengshui Middle School: “Even if I am a local pig from the countryside, I am determined to go to the cabbages in the big cities.” You may think that this kind of student’s determination to change their destiny through learning is so strong, their emotions are so full, and their motivation is so strong that their degeneration must have nothing to do with them.
But is that really the case?
I don’t think it’s that simple.
Let’s take a look at the logic
behind this passage: “Even if I am a local pig from the countryside, I am determined to be a cabbage in a big city.” There are two meanings behind this sentence: When I am admitted to university, I will be from the countryside, and others will be from the city. In fact,
this virtually divides students into two groups, rural people and urban people. Apart from increasing interpersonal barriers and contradictions, this division is really useless. Only when I compare the city people and even look down on them like a king, can I be truly successful.
This means that if you base your self-worth on the results of competition, you will feel invincible if you can’t compete, but you will think you are completely useless.
Eventually, however, when you spend a year or even three or four years in school, and you find that you can’t fight, fight or roll, you may be completely “flat”. In
psychologist Seligman’s learned helplessness experiment, the researchers locked the dog in a cage and gave it an electric shock as soon as the signal sounded. At first, the dog tried desperately to escape from the cage, but after many experiments, even if the door of the cage was opened, the dog lost the belief of escape and began to groan before the electric shock.
From this point of view, the essence of lying flat is actually a kind of “learned helplessness,” or in other words, self-abandonment after great anxiety.
…
The more you want to defeat others and overwhelm others, the easier it is to abandon yourself and even degenerate.
If everyone can aim to develop their own potential, not to trample others under their feet, they will not lose confidence when they fail to compete.
How can we really stimulate our potential and continuously gain the power of action? Aim at your own zone
of proximal development. Vygotsky’s “zone of proximal development” theory
…
Vygotsky’s “Zone of Proximal Development” Theory
Vygotsky, a psychologist, put forward the famous “Zone of Proximal Development”. He believed that there are two levels of students’ development. One is the current level of students, that is, the level at which they can solve problems independently; The other is the level of development that the student is likely to achieve, and the difference between the two is the zone of proximal development.
This is similar to swimming. Your current level is to swim 50 meters, and the level to tap your potential is to swim 200 meters. The 150 meters between 50 meters and 200 meters can be regarded as your zone of proximal development. In order to stimulate your potential, the
coach will assign you tasks and motivate you to swim to 80 meters, 100 meters and finally 200 meters by correcting your stroke and training your breathing. In this process, we will feel a great sense of achievement if we make progress through hard training.
However, if he comes up and gives you a task directly, let you swim 500 meters directly from the level of 50 meters, then for you, it is beyond the zone of proximal development, and more exaggeratively, you are facing an impossible task.
If you feel that you can’t achieve your goal, don’t blame yourself for being stupid and inferior to others, but think about whether the goal is beyond your zone of proximal development and whether you need to lower it appropriately. Don’t Simplify
Values: Some media have asked on Zhihu: Why do these highly educated young people choose to lie flat on the spot, stay at home or rent a house, and become a “squatter” in the city, living idly in the way of “low desire in reality and more surfing on the Internet”. A high praise under
this question answered that the money he earned after graduation was not as high as the rent of his family’s apartment in Beijing. He felt that it was meaningless to continue to work hard academically. The only idea left was to find a relevant position after graduation and not waste so many years of study.
When I saw this answer, at first I thought there was no problem. Graduation with a PhD was not as good as the rent of a house at home. It seemed that it was meaningless to study for a PhD, but when I thought about it carefully, I felt something was wrong. What is
wrong is that the respondent confined the significance of studying for a PhD to making money. The logic behind it is that studying for a PhD is not as effective as collecting rent, so studying for a PhD is meaningless. If the country follows this logic, there is absolutely no need to train a doctor. There are many meanings of
participating in an activity and achieving a goal, and a single explanation can only increase the sense of despair. If you can’t earn money by studying for a PhD, it’s meaningless. If you can’t get rich by this job, it’s meaningless. If you think about it further, you will return to the final topic: what is the meaning of life.
In essence, life is meaningless, but as a person with the ability to think, he has to find some meaning for himself from meaninglessness, so that growth is valuable. There are two levels of mindfulness
anxiety.
The first level is anxiety directed at the event itself. For example, the exam is coming and I haven’t reviewed yet, which makes me very anxious.
The second level is subjective anxiety. For example, the people around me are so good and hard-working, I am infected by this fast-paced anger, and I feel so anxious. The
first level of anxiety can be alleviated by action. For example, as long as I actively prepare for the exam, my anxiety will be much less;
the second level of anxiety is different, and it is difficult to improve through action. For example, no matter how hard I try, the future is always uncertain, and I can’t have the halo of the protagonist on my head. Such anxiety is based on a broad subjective feeling.
Take the recent lying flat and involution for example. When we see this kind of information, the anxiety we feel is the second level of anxiety. We can call it “atmosphere anxiety.” When people complain, you feel that you are in it, but it seems that you are as irrelevant as air. You feel very anxious and hopeless. But back to reality, you still have to do what you should do, go to work, study for a PhD, we pitifully find that we are not even qualified to lie flat. Living with
this kind of “atmosphere anxiety” and wanting to take action to solve the problem is almost ineffective. Because this kind of anxiety is not an anxiety that can be solved in a short time, the more you want to do something to resist, the easier it is to be frustrated and fall into negative self-evaluation, which leads to a stronger sense of anxiety. In
this case, mindfulness comes in handy. The principle
of mindfulness is that we let go of our goals and expectations, like babies on their first day in the world, and just look at the world with curious eyes. We are no longer a “chaser” but an “observer,” that is, like a mirror, we reflect the outside world, our inner thoughts, emotions, and so on. Researchers such as
Matthew Killingsworth used a mobile app to ask a random sample of thousands of people about their happiness, what they were doing at that particular moment, and whether they were distracted by something else at that moment. The results showed that people’s attention drifted half the time, and the happiness when their attention drifted was much lower than that when they focused.
Buddhism has mentioned a way to alleviate the anxiety of death, through meditation, observing the leaves falling from the tree, withering, dying, to observe the death of the tree itself, and even the death of the human body, that is, by training people to accept the things they fear and live with them, so as to alleviate anxiety.
This is the power of mindfulness. To practice mindfulness
in your daily life, you can try to do the following things:
Try to do nothing, just feel the things and feelings of the moment, eat, wash the dishes, walk, brush your teeth, everything you do can be the object of feeling: I feel the bowl in my hand is cold and smooth. It has a blue pattern on it. “
Try to observe and describe the thoughts and ideas in your mind at this moment:” I feel a little sad and a little confused. “” I can’t wait to do something to prove myself. “
Practice breathing and relaxation.
4. Turn off your cell phone, turn off your computer, block out the noisy network information, break away from all kinds of complicated social criticism, and focus on what you want to do at the moment.
When I see all kinds of emotional information on the Internet, I will feel anxious and feel tired and miserable, but as long as I put down my mobile phone, open a book and read it carefully for an hour, my mood will be much calmer. The true voice of the heart will come back.
As young people, it is not wrong to express their emotions on the Internet, nor to protest with those who have succeeded. Young people’s voices can also be gathered into a force to force the progress of society. However, as an individual, before the external environment has not been improved, we still have to strive to live every moment of life, right?
Just like in the movie Journey of the Soul, when the main character achieves his goal and finally becomes a member of a famous band, he feels a sense of loss. “I’ve been waiting for this day all my life, and I thought I’d have a different feeling.”.
He finally realized: “Your spark isn” t your purpose, live every minute of it.
film “The Journey of the Mind” screenshot
… Screenshot
of the
movie “Journey of the Soul” Author: Dark Surge
Record No.: YX01zPLQYeGYkdW2v
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at the Beginning of School, Xiong Qixi Festival, etc.
