What kind of girl is easy to become a “scumbag harvester”? Girls who
have a “bad constitution” often have a kind of “complex” at work. What is the
complex?
That is, you know that this person is a very suitable type to enter into marriage, and this person is also expressing a good impression on you, but you are moved by the person who knows that the ending is very bad, but makes you “have to”.
At this time, what you need to learn is not to identify other people’s routines, but to understand your own emotional problems.
1. Understand the “complex” and understand the emotional theme of your life. What is the “complex”?
It is the twisting of contradictory emotions into a knot called a “complex.”.
Here are some examples: A. I just can’t fall in love with my peers. I only like middle-aged men, and they tend to be married.
B, I am the appearance association, as long as I meet a handsome & # x2F; beautiful, I can not control myself. C.
I just like people who look dangerous. I know that such people may be fickle and irresponsible, but I will fall unconsciously.
D. I just like people with melancholy temperament & # x2F; pure temperament. I always feel distressed and want to care for them. Now you should understand what “complex” is. The most terrible thing about
love is that it is independent of will, and even has a kind of compulsion. At this time, you feel that you can’t control yourself, and you are a puppet being manipulated.
As a result, many people will become “agnostic about love.” They will say that either fate is doomed, or it depends on feelings, which cannot be predicted or controlled.
But is that really the case?
Not necessarily. Everything that happens in
this world is not without reason. There are two kinds of
people: those who live on the surface, who have no interest or ability to reflect, who can only live in the “present” and live by instinct, and those who can live in the deeper world, who ask “why?”.
This kind of person has a “mind.” He not only sees people’s behavior, but also sees the motivation behind people’s behavior. All
our questions about life come from the fact that we don’t know ourselves well enough.
That’s why we have this question: “Why do I fall in love with someone I hate?”?
Why am I attracted to a very dangerous person?
Why is TA so bad to me, but I can’t live without him?
Because we are out of touch with our inner being.
2. Personality Mask and Shadow: The Source of All Passion in Life What is the inner?
Take an example.
A girl grew up in a family that preferred boys to girls, and her parents gave all their love to her younger brother.
Only when she gets her report card back every semester and helps her brother with his homework can her parents look at her more.
Therefore, the girl must be a precocious child who can cook for the whole family, take care of her brother, help her parents do business, and be a super scholar at the same time. What did
she have to sacrifice?
A girl’s childhood should be able to act like a spoiled child, to be loved, to be loved, to be understood, to be taken care of, and these needs are hidden by her.
Because her parents love her so little, she must cherish the only moment when her parents pay attention to her.
So the girl’s heart is split into two parts. The first part is the “personality mask.” The so-called personality mask is the side of over-socialization. For example, the girl will hide her needs and become a particularly sensible, understanding, and omnipotent child, but this is not really her at all; The second part is the “shadow.” The real her is in the shadow. Her resentment of her parents, her jealousy of her younger brother, her sadness at not being loved, her distrust of the world, her inferiority complex, and other traumas must be placed in the shadow that she cannot see.
Then she grew up and left her original family. What does she want most
at this time?
Is it to continue to achieve something, to be the pride of the family, to continue to help the family, to help the younger brother, and to be praised by the parents?
This is just what her “persona” and “false ego” need, and her real “shadow part” is still bleeding.
Just like when you have an operation, the reason why you don’t feel pain is that you have an anesthetic in advance, but any anesthetic has a time limit, after the expiration date, the pain will be a lot, even with interest.
In college, she met a boy. At which moment did she fall in love with him? When
they went to the movies together, the boy ate popcorn all over his chest. She thought the boy was so cute and interesting, so they got together. The best thing about
this guy is that he treats the world like a playground and takes her everywhere to play, and then he cares about her very much, so this girl is completely lost.
Why is that?
Why didn’t she fall in love with the college student and the president of the student union who pursued her?
So many excellent boys she does not love, must fall in love with this immature little boy?
Because when she has completed the “social adaptation”, she can live without the love and charity of her parents, and the needs of her shadow will move from the background to the front stage. Does
she really want to continue to be a straight A student?
Does she want to get ahead in society?
These are the expectations of her parents, not what she really wants.
So what does she really want?
Is to be a child, to play freely, to be loved.
It is this inner child that dominates her emotions, so even if she chooses the president of the student union as her boyfriend, she may not really love him. In her heart, she will still miss the humorous and childish boy.
Being a child and being loved became her complex. At the level of consciousness,
she knows that her needs are immature, and that it is risky to fall in love with such a boy, who is just good at playing and does not really know how to take responsibility.
For this part of her “personality mask,” she actually doesn’t like such a boy, but she just can’t help it.
Therefore, if we fail to satisfy the unsatisfied internal needs in the shadow, these internal needs will drive us to seek the opposite sex with certain compensatory characteristics, and they will form a fatal attraction to us. 3.
four kinds of right men vs four kinds of right women some people may ask: Do you mean that we can know in advance which kind of hearts we will be attracted to?
Yes, if you learn psychology well, you will be better than a fortune teller. What kind of heart will
you be moved by?
It depends on what your “shadow personality” is.
Jung believed that the so-called love is to fall in love with oneself. The reason why
we love others is that others have the self that we deny.
How to understand it?
For example, the example I just gave. The girl who is
sensible and overbearing denies that she is spoiled and enjoys herself unscrupulously from an early age.
So when she meets her own “shadow,” she can’t help but fall in love.
Jung named the Right Man “Animus” and the Right Girl “Anima.”.
In fact, there are four types of destiny that let us fall into it.
Women are most likely to be attracted by these four kinds of men: 1, the strength of the animus: such as Beckham; 2, the behavior of the animus: such as the overbearing CEOs; 3, the language of the animus: such as the intellectual elite like Xue Zhaofeng; 4, the meaning of the animus: such as artists, religious leaders, all kinds of life coaches, etc.
Assuming that a person’s life is constantly evolving, their animus and anima archetypes will change. Let’s
start with Animus: In the earliest stages, we may like muscular men, such as the best basketball player in the class, because at this time, the original part of love is more. We are driven
by our reproductive instincts to like stallion men who are likely to bring good genes, then we may like successful men like top students and student Council presidents who occupy the top of the social food chain, and then we will be attracted to men who are sweet, because emotional qualities are very important to us; In the end, we are attracted to men who are wise, because what is more important than emotions is the healing of the inner self.
By this time, women are immune to men’s bodies, abilities and rhetoric, and can pursue real inner growth. What
she longs for is the exploration of the meaning of life. A
man’s destiny girl Anima also has four stages: 1, Eve: a woman who accepts herself unconditionally, often many men with Oedipus complex will favor this type of woman; 2. Helen: a woman who indulges in sex and is always in an exciting orgasm experience with him, a woman who always plays romantic emotional games with him and is smart and cunning, such a woman is like a drug, which can release a man who has never been able to have himself and has always been in control of himself; 3. Maria: This “Virgin” type of woman can be looked up to by men, can make men feel the purification of the soul, and can give men the spiritual strength to face challenges; 4. Sophia: It is the muse, the embodiment of wisdom.
For men, Eve is the security of infancy, Helen is the sexual desire after sexual maturity, Maria is the need for respect, and Sophia is self-realization.
3. What is the essence of your obsession?
At this point, you can compare your own emotional experience. Have you found your right type?
If they find it, many people will then ask: So what if they find it?
In fact, when you find it, you can reveal the main plot of your life.
You know what kind of person you will be attracted to, you know what kind of story you will have with TA, and what kind of ending you will have.
Then what?
You have to ask yourself whether you want to be loyal to the script or rewrite your script as a screenwriter of life. There are two ways to write
our scripts. The first is to make up for what is missing.
What is a flower in the mirror and the moon in the water?
For example, the good girl in the example, she finds a boy who is very good at playing as her boyfriend, and she is very happy in love, but once she gets married, the part of the girl’s personality mask comes out, and she will begin to hope that the boy can take responsibility, so their contradictions come.
So we know that when this girl is in love, her heart type is power type animus, and after marriage, her ideal type will become action type animus.
At this point, if the man does not make a change, disaster will come.
We know that the opposite of all “ideal types” is the “dark type.” For example, the opposite of the power type is the weak type, and the opposite of the carnal type is the ascetic type.
This girl wants her lover to be both a child and a parent. In fact, it is impossible.
So what to do?
This brings us to the second method of script writing, which is the “real face type” of what growth is lacking. There are two steps to face the
truth: 1, others can not compensate for our past losses, others are only supporting roles in our lives, and the protagonist is yourself; 2, we have to learn to love ourselves, so that others can love us. In
mature love, 50% is to love oneself, 50% is to love others; immature love, 100% is from the love of others.
So, how do we know what our current ideal type is, and whether it will lead to a “tragic” outcome?
Here I ask you to think about four questions: 1. Describe the characteristics of your current and former partners (if you have never been in love, list the heroes you like in the movies, TV dramas and novels you have seen), which of the four Jungian ideal men are most in line with?
2. If you were a boy, imagine if you were a girl, what kind of boy would you like?
If you are a girl, imagine, if you are a boy, what kind of girl would you like?
See what your animus & # x2F; anima prototype is.
Recall what you lacked most when you were a child? What is
not achieved? Has
this become your “shadow”?
4. What do your parents like most about you? Is
this trait your “personality mask”? I
have just mentioned a lot of concepts, and I will summarize them here.
The first is the “complex”: a mixture of contradictory emotions that are often compulsive and difficult for reason to control.
The second knowledge point is “personality mask” and “shadow”: personality mask is the self-defense of excessive social adaptation. In order not to lose the love of your parents, you suppress and distort your real needs. After
growing up, the shadow part will be ready to move, trying to meet the real needs.
The third knowledge point is the type of the four male gods Animus and the type of the four goddesses Anima: the four male gods include the power man, the action man, the speaker, and the meaning man; the four goddesses include the mother type, the fox spirit type, the saint type, and the wisdom goddess type.
Each type has both positive and negative sides. When you are passionately in love, you love the positive side. When you are in a long-term relationship, you will find the negative side of this type. For example, power men tend to be too straight, excessively pursue physical perfection, and lack emotional intelligence. The fourth knowledge point is “what is missing to make up for what type of love” and “pursuing self-growth type of love.”.
. Focus on not getting lost ~
