8. Manland: I admire myself
I admire myself.
Adult Kindergarten: 8 warm healing stories, hugging inner children
Manland’s dream has always been to be a kindergarten teacher because she loves children very much. After graduating from teacher training, she had spent two more years of training and had finally joined a kindergarten she loved to become an intern teacher, but she felt she could not do it for only two months.
It’s 8 or 9 o’clock after cleaning up every day. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” I’m sorry.
“It’s hard to get laid and quit? Are you afraid of being tired? “The king plays games and asks.
“I’m not tired, and the kids are really cute. I’m sorry.
“What are you doing?” I’m sorry.
“…and several times these days, my little friends ask me why I’m so fat. I know they’re just curious not to be malicious, but I really feel bad. I’m sorry.
“Ha-ha, the kid’s right. I’d like to ask. Then why are you so fat? I’m sorry.
It’s right in Monland. She’s staring at the back of her boyfriend’s game, which is like a meat mountain. Friends say they’re fat CPs. She never accused her boyfriend of being obese, because she knew it was hard to be told. But boyfriends always laughed at her.
“I didn’t try! “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all these years. She’s tried diets, fitness, fat camp, and even fat-smoking. I wonder if it’s genetic or if it’s as useless as she is, the body of this body, or it’ll come back to her sooner or later.
“You’ll have to be useful, won’t you? I’m sorry.
“Why can you say that so lightly? She can’t lie down, “I’ve worked so hard, you haven’t worked so hard, and now you laugh at me?” I’m sorry.
“I’m not laughing at you. I’m telling the truth. “When he’s done, he thinks he’s funny.
The next day was the weekend, and Manland didn’t want to be with his boyfriend and go home to his mom. Her mother’s 50 years old, and she’s still a slender beauty. And mother said, as soon as she saw her, “Look at you, tiger on his back.” And look at your arm. I’m sorry.
“Mommy, I didn’t want to go back to my little king’s. I’m sorry.
“Why?”
“He’s too low, always talking about me, demeaning me. I’m sorry.
“Hey,” said Mama, “Don’t think so. Your condition is indeed bad, Little King. It’s good. He hasn’t said anything about it for years. As long as you don’t break up, that’s your kiss. I’m sorry.
“Is my condition really so bad? Every time my mom said that, she would cry.
“You see, girls have to grow up to get married. To be honest, you three sisters, you go with your father. I thought you weren’t going to get married. Who knows you’re alive? I’m sorry.
“How can I be too fat and ugly to work?” I’m sorry.
“You don’t even have to pay for your loan Besides, it doesn’t matter what a man looks like. I’m sorry.
Manland looks at himself holding his fist. The joints are full of meat, the whole fist rolls like a bun. She hates all this meat. One time she dreamt she was thrown into a pot, the meat was boiled and fell together. But in her dreams, she felt so happy.
“Mom, I’m going. My mother’s food is still in the pot, and she’s on her feet, and she’s too busy to say, “Eat less, eat more vegetables!” Stop eating meat! Be nice to Wang and get some fruit! I’m sorry.
Back on the subway, she flipped the trigger. In the circle of friends, the link of friends: an ugly one, a fat one! Turning on video software, “You haven’t started to lose weight yet? Do four minutes a day, lose 10 pounds of meat a month. Even the smart guy, the APP, put out a window commercial: Spring’s coming up and buying a runner?
She was bored, raised her head and saw herself in the mirror of the car window. The double window on the subway made her look a lot thinner. A guacamole face, a narrow body, is exactly what she looks like after so many times she loses weight. She remembers the excitement of her first thinning, high school graduation, entering university with a brand-new face. She’s pretty thinner than two sisters. She thought, “My new life is about to begin!” At the same time, however, she was very afraid that she would not be able to sustain herself and that she would return to the obese abyss.
Oh, but it’s always so cruel!
Go back to kindergarten and get to work. When she was at school, she was packing the toys that were scattered on the ground, and suddenly low blood sugar fell on the floor. The little friends came round with concern, and they said, “The teacher fainted!” “What should I do? I’m so fat, nobody can touch her! “Here we go. Let’s hug! “My little friends are trying to pull out of Manland, but they can’t.
“Why is Mr Yu crying? “Mr. Yu, what hurts you?”
The class teacher arrived, comforted the little friends and raised her crying in Manland to rest. She was hiding in the lounge, crying, crying, crying. Crying dark, a warm hand placed on her shoulder. Look up and see the old headmaster who retired from school.
“You’re Monroe, right? I’m sorry.
I can’t believe she remembers herself. I’m impressed. You know, the old headmaster, who brought too many teachers in her life, remembers herself as an intern after she retired.
“I recruited you on duty. I said the picture of the girl looked warm and must be a loving teacher. I’m sorry.
She started crying again. She cried out: “Sorry, Principal Chiang. I may not be able to do it. I’m sorry.
“Why?” She’s crouched in front of Monroe, like a little friend who’s usually soothing and crying.
“I’m in a terrible state to be able to do my job. I’m sorry.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. The old headmaster’s hand touched her hair and softly said, “If things aren’t right, they’re right, they’re right, they’re right and they’re going to work again.” You’re a good girl. I knew it at first sight. I’m sorry.
Back home, Monran told Wang that she fainted. Little Wang said, “I thought you were covered in blood sugar, but it’s not enough. I’m sorry.
“That’s enough. I’ve told you so many times. I hate it when you say that. I’m sorry.
“Yeah. The little king finally turned around and said, “The old man said, “The heart is so big, you have to be so big.” Don’t be too sensitive. I’m sorry.
She held her fist like a bun and let it loose, and finally took the courage to say, “Let’s break up.” I’m sorry.
“Huh? Are you kidding me? I’m sorry.
“I’m serious. In that case, Manland felt that it was important to speak with sincerity. And she sat across from the little king and separated him from the screen, saying, “We have been together for so many years, but I have been unhappy.” I wanted to be better, so I wanted to start living alone. First, I’ll separate the negative energy you’ve given me and think about it.
“You’ll get better when you’re with me!” How can you live alone? Who else can you find besides me? A little pig like you, who’s gonna hate you but me? I’m sorry.
“Stop calling me that name. I’m sorry.
“The Piglet. I’m sorry.
“…I seriously ask you to shut up. Even if we break up, please stop screaming. I’m sorry.
“The Piglet. Little King put his finger on a pig’s nose.
The heart of Monroe jumped and she stood up, grabbed her bag and ran out of the house where they were going to be married.
After her call, her sister-in-law drove to pick her up soon after her call. I’m a strong woman, and I’m very strong. She said, “Why do you care what people say about you?” They say they’re fat on you. What’s wrong?”
It’s right in Monland. She’s always been very confident. “How can you understand that you haven’t heard that?” I’m sorry.
“Huh. She’s still in a manual car because she says it’s controlled. She changed her gear and said, “Of course I haven’t heard anyone say I’m fat, but I’ve heard a lot worse.” They say I’m a woman, that I can’t succeed. When I did it, they said I was asleep. You’re fat, you can lose weight. I’m a girl. Why, I can still change sex? I’m sorry.
“How can they say that about you? I’m 12 years older than Manlanda, so much worse, of course I don’t kiss. But she’s always the idol in Manland, and she’s the one she worships more than her mother.
“The mouth is on them, and it’s none of my business. I’m sorry.
“Oh, I envy you. “It’s like I’m not talking anymore.
The following day, she found the “adult kindergarten” she had set up, using the address given to Principal Chiang. The only difference is that yesterday she was a teacher and today she’s a child friend. She was supposed to be in a state faster than anyone, but looked four times, and she panicked: because she saw the parents of the students she knew.
“Welcome to Langland! The grown-ups welcomed her like new kids in class. By the time we were free, the mother of a little girl in the class called round came up. Last week, she delivered the circle to the parent several times.
“Take it easy. He whispered to her: “We are all students of the Lord of Chiang, and none understands. I’m sorry.
“Ha ha. She made me laugh. They “played” together. She cried several times when she remembered that she was attending the training and heard senior teachers tell how the school taught her young friends confidence and love. At that time, she thought that if she had been able to study in such a school as a child, she would not have grown up to be such a low-life person.
At least, no kid calls her fat, throws leaves over her head and says “to feed the pig” and the teacher laughs.
Back to the adult kindergarten, Principal Chiang came to teach you the theme: the part of myself I don’t like the most.
There was a little boy in Monland who was shaking, and his father raised his hand, and said, “The last thing I liked was when I was angry. When I was angry, I was just like my dad. And I get angry for the same reason he does. Now, every time I get angry, I’m going to squeeze my fist, count 123, and then I’m going to calm down and think about whether I’m angry or my dad is angry. That way, you’ll have no reason to push it. So now he says, “I feel good.” I’m sorry.
A girl who keeps writing and doesn’t talk to people, says, “The last place I don’t like is too much control, like eating sweets. I like sweets and I can’t stop working. She was a fat girl. “Now I see, sweets make me happy. Looks like my body doesn’t think it’s important to discipline myself, so I’ll enjoy it. I’m sorry.
“But…” I couldn’t stop saying, “Don’t you want to lose weight? I’m sorry.
“I’ve lost weight, I’ve lost weight and I’m not happy. The girl doesn’t care.
Everyone spoke, but Manland was hiding in the corner. Everyone had a place to hate themselves and thought of ways to solve them. But there is no way in Manland. She hates herself too much, like Mom hates her. But think about it, what’s wrong with her besides being fat?
Thinking of it, she raised her hand.
“I hate myself the most, I hate myself. I’m sorry.
Xu Qian has been far away from her compassionate eyes.
“I’m a born fat man. My mother always treated me as an unqualified commodity because of this. I’ve been told all my life how to get thinner and become a good commodity in my mother’s eyes. But these two days, I understand, because it’s not about being fat, it’s about hating yourself. I don’t even like myself, others attack me, they hate me, and of course I don’t have to. I’m sorry.
“I’m glad you can think of it.” I’m sorry.
“But what am I supposed to do? I’m sorry.
The next day, she made more friends. In addition to the parents you know, other “kids” would like to play with her. That’s something she never did when she was a kid. She’s a young teacher who sings, plays, paints and dances, and reads stories that are particularly impressive, regardless of the game. Everyone looked at her with worship. After school, she quietly asked Xu Zhu, “Why are you all so nice to me? Did he say something to you in advance? I’m sorry.
I don’t understand.
“I mean, is it because you’re so nice to me? I’m sorry.
“Why should I pity you?”
She thinks she’s a poor, fat, hopeless person, but Principal Chiang doesn’t think so, let alone “hello” in advance. He said, “I like you because you are so good.” You’re very understanding and very smart. It’s very comfortable with you. I’m sorry.
“Really?”
“Of course! And (also): “Shu Qi said, “On the first day of your journey, she said to me, “There is a lovely new teacher who is especially fond of you.” I’m sorry.
“… . “It’s not like I’m in the middle of something. The kid likes her. She should be so happy. But they failed their children and their expectations. Then she asked Xu Qi, “Why do you all like me, but when I was a child, my classmates bullied me?” Why does my mom think I’m a slow-down commodity? Why does someone buy it? Why does my boyfriend always think I’m fat? I’m sorry.
“I don’t know. “But there was a fat girl in my class when I was a kid who was always bullied.” Every time she stood up to fight back, the boys said, “The Godzilla attack! I’m sorry.
Both men are silent. And when Xu Qi was with her for half a day, she said, “I can’t see why they were doing this to you.” ‘Cause I’m not like that. Sorry. I’m sorry.
For some reason, there’s a light flashing over Monland’s heart. “They are like that. ‘They are such people, so when they meet Manland, they abuse and humiliate.’ When I met a woman like my sister, they threw dirty water at her.
“No wonder I can’t figure out why, what I did wrong. Because I’m not like that. I’m sorry.
Manland’s feeling suddenly lightened up. She was happy to go to the subway station and received a call from Wang when she was about to go to her sister ‘ s house.
“Where are you?”
She’s cold.
“We haven’t been home for two days. You can do it. I’m sorry.
“Sorry, I don’t know what you mean. That’s your home. I’m sorry.
The “scrambling” is a very impatient pause across the line. For years, she knew the Little King.
“It’s almost done. Is it over? He bit his teeth and said, “If you keep making fun of me, I’ll never let you go.” I’m sorry.
“Do you understand people? I said, “Let’s break up. I said it’s your home. I won’t go back. Why don’t you want me? I’m sorry.
“I tell you, you’re the only one who wants money and has no money and no face but me! I’m sorry.
You’re so good. You’re very understanding and very smart. It’s very comfortable with you. Round told me there’s a lovely new teacher who particularly likes you. In Manland, the words just spoken to her were filled with tears. She didn’t say much more and hung up on the phone. Take a deep breath and walk into the subway station.
That night, Mom called again. She came up and said, “I apologized to the little king, and indeed you are a child.” I’ll take care of this! I told Wang you’d go home and apologize. Mom’s already talked about getting married with her mother. Don’t be so stubborn. I’m sorry.
I’m looking for my sister. In fact, she’s been so cold to her, but sometimes when my mother keeps saying, “Stop it.” ”I wonder when she’s used to looking for her with her eyes when she was helpless. But today, she’s not back from overtime.
I’m on my own. She said to her mother, “I will not go back to Little King, nor will I apologize.” I broke up with him. I’m sorry.
“Don’t talk! “How can you listen to everything when you’re a child?” I’m sorry.
“It’s my business. Why would you apologize for me? Why do you promise me to go back? I’m sorry.
“Mother is for your own good! Mom wants you to be happy! I’m sorry.
“Why do I have to be with him to be happy?” How incompetent, ugly and hopeless I am! I’m sorry.
Screamed in Monland.
Many said that she could not remember what happened when she was a child. She was a big girl by then. Mom took both of them out, and she said, “A man is born, old, ruined, ruined.” I’m sorry.
“You’re not like your sisters. You’re so fat. That’s what Mom used to say when she was a kid and was screaming in Manland. Mom heard her crying out of control, she was quiet, and she immediately found something: “Where is there no cure? Mother is mad at you three, your sister is cold, your second sister is proud, only you are the best, and your temper is the best. You’re good. Listen to Mom. I’m sorry.
“I’m the sweetest? That’s because you hate me! I’m not a good girl. How can I get you a little bit of love from a pretty sister? Too bad it didn’t work. You still hate me! I’m sorry.
“What are you talking about? Mom doesn’t hate you! I’m sorry.
“Mom! “The king is not good to me, he despises me and thinks I can’t live without him.” I really don’t want to be despised anymore. Please, you’re my mother. I’m sorry.
Mom’s talking on the phone. Or the same old thing: Look at yourself, and know yourself. And Manland cried, and said, “Please mother, please mother.” “When she cried, she broke her liver, and suddenly someone grabbed her phone and hung up. She didn’t even hear you.
“It doesn’t make sense to Mom. Don’t cry. I don’t know.
“I want to cry too much, so make me cry enough!” Our kindergarten kids cry enough! I’m sorry.
“Really? “Then cry if you feel useful.” I’m sorry.
Do you like me? Do you like me? She’s holding my sister’s hand, almost throwing.
“What’s wrong with you? Ask your mother to like you, and beg me to like you? She sat down in front of Manland. “What about you? How do you feel? I’m sorry.
“I’m… I’m understanding, smart and cute. She said it again, like she did, “Is that right? I’m sorry.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. Monroe was disappointed and her hands were slowly falling down. “I always thought you were a coward, scared of everything, and that you were quiet and boring. But when you grow up, I feel like you’re in pain. ♪ Coward, boring, painful ♪ The three words were engraved like nails in the heart of Manland, and that was what her favorite sister said about her. Then she said, “If you are not my sister, I will cooperate with you, and I will be your friend.” I’m sorry.
“Really? But why? Aren’t I chicken and bored? I’m sorry.
“That’s your problem. I can’t help you. But you asked me if I liked you. Like it. My sister said, “Mom told you to go back and apologize, I’ll go with you.” I’m sorry.
“I don’t want to go! “I have nothing to apologize to for.” I’m sorry.
“But didn’t you have to bring back what you put in his house? I’m sorry.
When they drove to Wang ‘ s house, the sisters saw their mother sitting on his couch with a smile. She was so sad, but she came to Monland, and she relieved herself: “I said she would come, so rest assured.” And the little king smiled, and said, “This dead girl, I can’t cure her, or you can fix it.” I’m sorry.
“Do it yourself. She pushed her from behind. And then she breathed, and she went up, and she said, “My sister came with me to pack and take.” I’m sorry.
“In Monland!” Mom listened to the anger.
“You…” The little king was angry, but he could not speak evil in front of his elders, but he knew who they were on whose side. Then he said, “Then pack up.” But hurry, I have to sleep at this hour. I’m sorry.
Mom heard Little Wang say that. It’s crazy. And she came up and pulled her little girl: “If you leave today, Mom will never mind you again!” Don’t even ask me for the money! She said that she was angry, and that she wanted to discipline her daughter in front of Little King, and she said, “The brain is broken and she doesn’t know what to think. Do you know what Wang’s mother told me about you? I’m flattered when I see you! You’re gentle and you’re working well. If you leave, you can still find him! I’m sorry.
“Then what? “Do you think your parents will tell you that your daughter is a fat, ugly pig when they meet?” Do you think it’s incredible to exaggerate? I’m sorry.
“What’s wrong with you?” Wang is joking with you. Are you eating less or wearing less? If you can’t stand it, your own mother can’t talk about you. I’m sorry.
Monroe was packing, and when he heard it, his eyes were closed. It’s a good time for both of them to be clear. Do you know why I’m with Wang? I’m sorry.
“What? I’m sorry.
“We’ve known each other since college, and for so many years he hasn’t appreciated me, encouraged me, let alone helped me, taken care of me. What does it have to do with him? He’s holding a game in his arms or did I buy it for him? I can’t take a boyfriend like this anymore! Why should I? Why would I go out with someone like this without even hearing a warm word of love? I’m sorry.
“…”
‘Cause he said what I said, and I’m used to it. The way he treated me, I was used to it. Just like you treated me! I’m sorry.
Monroe was so excited that she couldn’t stand in the corner and quietly clapping.
“You demean me at home and mock me outside. I’ve tried so hard to learn, so many talents and everything, and I’ve bought it for you since I’ve worked so hard to earn money. Even so, I won’t get a word or look at you. Of course I thought I deserved a day like this. I deserved a boyfriend who despised me as much as you did! I’m sorry.
“Why didn’t I compliment you! Mom screamed.
“Exactly, exaggerately. And Manland said, “I went home first, and you said, ‘What good is this child so fat that he cannot marry?’ I was 12 years old, Mom! I’m sorry.
“I was worried about you. Why don’t I say that about other people’s children? I’m sorry.
“I look forward to you saying something about someone else’s child. I’m here with my cousin. You can’t tell when you’re cute. That’s my cousin. You wish your third daughter was your cousin, too? This is a beautiful family. Don’t be ashamed of it anymore! I’m sorry.
“This is bullshit! How can a mother not love her own child? You were born! Of course I love you! I don’t know what you’re doing to me. I’m sorry.
“…at Monland looking at an exciting and anxious mother and suddenly wondering what she was arguing about. She wanted to make Mom say something. But what is it? Want her to admit she never loved a little girl? Or is it even more incredible that she can apologize? Looking forward to her changing? Looking forward to her paying for the mother’s love and appreciation she owes her from childhood? How is that possible?
Manland had a plastic bag in his hand, containing two clothes. She looked at the bag in her hand and suddenly said, “No, there is nothing left to hold.” It’s all very cheap stuff. Little Wang, please throw it away. I want to go. I’m sorry.
Sitting in my sister ‘ s car, she looked out of the window, her eyes were burning, and there were no tears.
“That’s ridiculous. I can’t believe I’m trying to convince Mom that she’s sorry. I’m sorry.
“It’s impossible. I’m sorry.
“For nothing. For nothing. I’m sorry.
“I don’t think it’s for nothing. She was driving around her neck and smiling on her face: “Whatever you have to say, yell out, whatever they want to answer! I’m sorry.
“…um!” is a very inspiring phrase! I can’t believe I’m laughing too.
“What are you gonna do? It’s not gonna be me, is it? I’m sorry.
In Manland, when he found a cottage with four girls, he moved out of her house. Every day, she goes to the Adult Kindergarten and builds her self-confidence. Principal Chiang and “kids” love her very much. And they do not care about any hymn, and every day they exaggerate to her: “You are so good, you are so good, your skin is as good as a doll. “I am as strong as my sister, as gentle as Xu, as sweet as a doll.” It’s been a long time, as if it’s a body memory. When she reacted, she had not for a long time abandoned herself.
Principal Chiang advised her to take her time, but she wanted to go back to school early to be with the children. Instead of being a kid, being a teacher again, the kids gave her a big welcome. They’ve done a lot of work, some with a bag of candy.
“Teacher Yu, I drew you! She’s got a ball with big eyes, long hair and a pair of red-faced balls. In addition, she was wearing a crown and a beautiful princess dress.
“Whoa! I look like a princess. Is it really so pretty?”
“You’re beautiful! And it’s soft! It’s just as soft as my mother! “This little girl’s mother is fat, and she’s heard Ha-ha-ha-ha, smiling and crying again. She felt that, although she had left the adult kindergarten, her healing would never stop among the children.
After a day off, she looked at her cell phone, saw the message from Little Wang and wanted to talk to her.
“What are you talking about? She yelled, “Doggy ointment, sticky.” “Does he finally remember your good? I’m sorry.
I’d like to know exactly what he wanted to talk about, but he paid. Little Wang looks like he’s had a rough couple of months.
“Ran, have you thought about it? Come back! I’m sorry.
“Well, I think I’m not going back. I’m sorry.
“…can I change it? I’m sorry.
“For what?”
“I’m a man, I really don’t mean anything. You know, that’s what guys are like, bitch! That’s how we guys play together. Nobody gets angry. I’m just kidding. I think you’re a kisser. I changed it, didn’t I? I’m sorry.
“What do you want to do?”
Listening to her, she thought that she had turned her back to something, saying, “I will not speak of pigs, nor you will be fat, nor you will be fat.” I’m sorry.
“Huh. I’m sorry.
“But we can’t ask too much. Wouldn’t it be true if you asked me to make you a fair girl every day? I’m sorry.
She smiled at him.
“And besides, I really don’t care if my girlfriend looks good. If you’re fatter, 20 pounds, I won’t really dump you. I’m sorry.
“What do you care if your girlfriend looks good or not?” I’m sorry.
Little Wang took a sting like she didn’t understand.
“You’re seven years older than me, you’re thirty years older. Did you get ten grand for the whole year? Did you look in the mirror today? Do you know there’s soup around your neck? Don’t you really think you’re in a position to pick and choose? I’m sorry.
The little king was about to rebut it, and Manran went on to say, “Yes, you have merit. Locals, houses, cars. Your house, your car. Did you make a penny? A girl who’ll follow you, except for a 40-metre-square-old who can drive a Gianni? I’m sorry.
“Are you crazy? I’m sorry.
“Do you want me to compliment you for being handsome, and we have to be realistic? Besides, I’m worried about you. I’m sorry.
“Do you know why I chased you? “How many girls are looking for a local boyfriend, and I’m looking at you just because you’re a good-looking man.” I’m not asking you to pay for the loss of my youth! I’m sorry.
“Ha ha ha ha ha!” “All right, all right. This time, we’ll tear our faces apart. Don’t ever contact me again! I’m sorry.
“If not, who is more painful? Your mother’s gonna kill you! I’m sorry.
“My mother’s old, I’m stronger than her, she can’t kill me, a little bit. I’m sorry.
Get up and leave. Good mood, light feet. When she was in the city, she suddenly saw a fat girl with a huge advertising screen at the mall, with a large waist full of fine underwear, laughing with great confidence.
“It’s beautiful! @Manglan: #jan25 #jan25
Record number: YX01kWKQ8b2DroRJ
Chiang Hong An: My life is defined by my own definition
Adult Kindergarten: 8 warm healing stories, hugging inner children
It’s cold.
x
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
