21. As usual
As usual.
I can’t help it. We’re in love.
I died on my eighteenth birthday.
That day, my dad was drunk.
He fabricated the charges against my mother again, even with a knife.
The blades cut open the artery and blood spilled.
He dropped his weapon and fled.
I looked my mom in the eye and lost it.
When she opened her mouth so hard that she didn’t say anything, she stopped breathing.
The day my mom was buried, my dad was arrested by the police.
And I jumped from the cliff.
Open your eyes and go back 20 years when my mom met my dad.
One.
The sky at the beginning of the century is as clear as a blue crystal.
It’s covered in red, as if it’s still there.
I was shaking my body, holding the trunk next to it, breathing out loud.
Until there was a soft force in the back of my body, and I hit my shoulder: “Rarity, are you okay? I’m sorry.
It’s strange and familiar, and it’s in the ears of the shackles of time.
So that when I turned back and saw my mother’s 20-year-old face, tears fell without warning.
She got scared and she ran out of her pocket and rubbed my handkerchiefs for tears:
“What’s wrong with you? Nosebleed in the last few days, and in the morning, I looked at the incompetent… and the welfare home called you again? I’m sorry.
I was shaking my head, dying to hold her hand, screaming in my voice:
“Mom. I’m sorry.
She was terrified, and suddenly she got very serious: “Tell me the truth, did she ask for money again? I’m sorry.
I shake my head, but I can’t spit.
No, no.
I’m just so happy to see you again.
Even in dreams.
For the next half hour, I followed her on the bus, shaking through half the city.
There was a brake in the middle of the road, and I stomped on the front of my forehead, and it was so painful to breathe.
I didn’t wake up.
I finally realized, with all due respect, that it was as if it was not a dream.
After jumping off the cliff, I went back 20 years ago and became my mother’s best friend, Yusuri.
I was 20 years old, my mom was 21.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve heard my mother say the name of Aunt Yui.
She said that it was her best friend in college and had helped her many times.
When I asked myself, “When will I see Aunt Dyu?” I’m sorry.
My mom’s eyes faded almost immediately.
After a moment of silence, she whispered, “Your aunt Yui died.” I’m sorry.
My little mom died in her year of graduation.
My mother never told me what her death was.
I rubbed my forehead, combed the little information in my head, and I opened it softly:
“Isn’t it a weekend? Where are we going now? I’m sorry.
My mother sitting next to me suddenly got a little shy in her eyes.
And she took my arm and whispered, “Rarity, I’ll take you to a man, and you take it off for me.” I’m sorry.
Two.
The sun came in through the window glass, and it was dizzling.
I looked at my mother, and I only felt cold: “What’s his name again?” I’m sorry.
“Chang, you’ve seen it before. They came to our school last week for a friendship contest…”
I choked my heart and forced myself to make a smile: “It was him. I’m sorry.
Jiang Wan.
As soon as that name was heard, countless memories of love and violence came up.
Jiang Wan is my dad.
I have always had a vague and contradictory impression of him.
Because he’ll come to school after I’ve been bullied at the same table and pick up the boy and punch him.
Warn him, “You dare touch Chiang Riri again, I will not kill you.” I’m sorry.
The ashtrays were also taken violently after being drunk and smashed on my mother ‘ s forehead.
“Slut! I’m sorry.
I never knew why they were together.
In kindergarten, the teacher asked us to collect parents’ love stories.
But when I got home, I just asked.
The two people in front of them changed their faces.
Remember the children’s day when I was six.
My mom runs a very good dry fruit shop. She pulled my dad and took me to the park all day.
In the evening, when I left, I bought bubble water at the stand at the door.
It’s not cheap, my mom’s used to negotiating with the stalls.
They took a look at her and me and laughed, “Okay, you’re cheap. I’m sorry.
I got bubble water, and I had fun.
I completely ignored my father, and suddenly my father became so pale.
When I got home, my mom made eggs and fried rice.
“Reary, stay in your room and eat. Don’t come out. Mom and Dad say something. I’m sorry.
But the rented house wasn’t soundproof.
So that they might argue, and I hear it clearly.
“How much the fuck are you going to buy something like that?” I’m sorry.
Are you sick? I’m sorry.
My mom’s got her voice down, “What’s wrong with you? I’m sorry.
I put down the spoon, pushed the door out and a beer bottle flew in my ear.
Smash on the wall and break.
“Mom. I’m sorry.
My dad’s fists hit my mom’s cheekbones a few steps away from the old sofa.
I ran in tears and tried to break his hand.
But he was pulled apart and fell on the ground.
My mother, who was breathing on the couch, jumped like an angry lion.
She pushed him out of my arms and carried me in my arms.
The voice is so dumb and sore.
“You have to come after me! Riley is your daughter! I’m sorry.
That’s the first time I’ve been so intuitive about violence from within the family.
It’s like a sharp knife that breaks the appearance of false peace.
Show the bloody truth.
I was only six years old, and the world was still confused.
But I realized a lot in a moment.
Why do you sometimes see bruises on my mother while taking a bath?
Why would I see a police car downstairs the evening I came home from kindergarten?
And my mother’s hand was dragged by her wife, and she told her.
“How can a husband and wife get along without beating each other?” I’m sorry.
She swiped me like she found a hostage who could take her.
“Have you ever had a child before?” Look at your daughter. How old are you? You’re such a bitch! I’m sorry.
It’s dusk.
My mom looked at me in the red light.
She’s blind and blind.
It was then that I couldn’t read the complex emotions.
Until many years later, the night was immersed in blood.
I was holding my mother’s body cold and listening to the sound of the sound of an ambulance downstairs.
And then he knew it with knowledge.
That twilight, in a moment of sight.
What choice did she make.
3
Go back to God, the bus into the station.
My mother took my hand out of the car and waved at a young man standing next to the green belt.
I’m here!
A young man overheaded, familiar eyebrows kept me in place for a moment.
Jiang Zhang came by biting on a cigarette and he looked at me.
“Who is this?”
He picks up his eyebrow, and he looks impatient. “Fung Min, why are you dating me with a little tail? I’m sorry.
“What kind of a date I haven’t promised you yet?” I’m sorry.
“Smoking is bad for health.” I’m sorry.
“What are you talking about?” I’m sorry.
I looked at him calmly: “Smoking is harmful to health and prone to lung disease, especially second-hand smoke, and contains a large amount of carcinogenic matter. I’m sorry.
“I’m a friend of Fang Min, and I can’t watch her health get mutilated by you. I’m sorry.
My face looks calm.
I’m the only one who knows, standing on the side of his hand, pressing his nails into his heart.
It’s just the urge to punch him in the face.
Not long ago, the police called and said that he had been arrested.
I’m holding my mother’s urn, walking on the wet steps of the cemetery.
That day it rained.
I stood in front of my mother’s gravestone for a long time.
Until it was so wet and dark, it turned around to the police station.
Jiang Zhou has been handcuffed and has shaved his hair.
A few days of hiding, making him look like a rat in a ditch.
I looked at him, and I was numb, “Why didn’t you die?” I’m sorry.
He looked at me and looked away.
But I’m used to trying to put my father’s balls out.
“I’m your father! I’m sorry.
“You too?”
You too.
How you fit.
I fell down and threw up.
The blood of that day was red, and eternal life lived in my memory.
I hated him so much, even.
But his blood is inside me.
I have never felt such severe pain, but it came late after the numbness that it saw with its own eyes.
Almost fills my body, every inch of my vein, every bone.
I want to scold him with what I have learned all my life, the most vicious word.
The mouth is open, but only the cries with a broken cry.
“Give me back…”
Give it back to me.
Give me back my mom.
4
And then, as I grew up, my family was getting better.
It’s mostly my mom.
She worked hard and suffered, and ate a mountain boat with her family’s resources, completely two worlds.
I’m getting confused about why she’s with Chiang Zhang.
And for what reason did he stay apart from him?
When I was 15 years old, I went to the provincial high school with the third grade.
My mom was happy to bring in a cake and ask me what I wanted.
I looked at her and said, “Can you divorce Jiang Zhang?” I’m sorry.
My mom’s smile is on her face.
The Zhang Zhang Zhang hurried over the cake, pointing at my mother, “This is the daughter you raised with my money!” I’m sorry.
He fell on the door.
I’ve been staring at my mom for a long time.
Ask him again, “Will you divorce him?” I’m sorry.
I was in the most sensitive and angry adolescence.
For this long-decompressed family, it is absurd to try to maintain a peaceful image.
I was restless and impatient to destroy it.
But my mom just looked away from my eyes.
“Your dad’s fine. I’m sorry.
“He hasn’t hit me much in years…”
“Mom loves him. I’m sorry.
The living room light came down, and she was dyed with a mild pale face.
I can’t believe I’m looking at her like a ridiculous joke.
Half a mile away, I took my eyes off and slowly pulled out a scornful smile.
“You deserve it. I’m sorry.
I applied for accommodation with the school and only returned once a week.
Every time I saw my mom, I had a cold face.
Sometimes Chiang Zhang comes home drunk and laughs at me: “Your mother can’t leave me alone, understand?”
I didn’t say anything, and I passed him without an expression.
“Do you see anything else?”
My mother went on her way and held her hand: “Riri is still young and after a period of rebellion. I’m sorry.
I’m laughing in my heart, and I’m getting spat.
Then, on the eve of the examination, my studies became more intense and I returned home almost once a month.
And that’s why my mom gets more hair every day than she does.
Grandma passed away on a cold break.
My mother took care of her business and stood with me in the mausoleum.
Jiang Zhang is missing.
I went over my head and saw the snowflake fall on her head, mixed with the white hair of the freshman, and I couldn’t recognize it.
She’s always been a tall woman, and I inherited her genes.
I don’t know when, it’s half as big as her.
“Why do you refuse to divorce him? I’m sorry.
I’m a little upset to say, “What’s so popular about this kind of animal? I’m sorry.
My mother shakes her head: “Don’t say that, he’s your father too. I’m sorry.
“You’re still young. When you’re older, you’ll understand your mother’s pain. I’m sorry.
Late winter.
Snowflake is still floating.
As if there were only two left in the heavens and the earth.
I looked at the tombstone and felt the unnamed irritation of my heart coming up again, almost completely.
“You’ve been shot, haven’t you? I’m sorry.
I turned around and looked at her, “I’m six months old. Why do you think I don’t get it? I’m sorry.
She looked at me and looked at the snowflake in her eyes.
A moment later, she stretched out her hand and helped me fix my crooked scarf: “It was a child.” I’m sorry.
“Something is not as simple as you think. I’m sorry.
“You did it because he killed you. I’m sorry.
I couldn’t bear to leave it and turn back to school.
5
For the next six months, my relationship with my mother fell to the ice point.
I barely said a word to her until the end of the senior exam.
Until the day before the eighteenth birthday.
I was living with a fellow scientist and suddenly I got a text from my mother.
She said, “Reary, Mom misses you. I’m sorry.
“Tomorrow’s birthday, Mom ordered you a big cake. Will you go home? I’m sorry.
The memory of the past 18 years has been like a tsunami.
A little while ago.
The family was poor.
There’s a little girl in the kindergarten for her birthday, and her mother bought a big cake for the class.
I didn’t eat this because I was too excited to pick up the cake and fell on her dress.
That girl was crying.
The teacher called my mom.
My mother, who had just been laid off because of the collapse of the factory, paid her for the dress and took me to the nearby cake shop to buy a strawberry cake.
She saw me eating butter across the street and smiling softly.
“Mom and Riley promised to make you a cake for your birthday every year. We don’t envy people, okay? I’m sorry.
And in the middle of the night, I was on the balcony of my fellow scientists, and suddenly I cried too much.
I loved her so much.
But she was unable to save her from suffering.
My anger and my lack of control have become a blunder to harm.
The next morning, I got home.
A van truck was parked downstairs, and the next neighbour was moving.
I was on my way upstairs, and my neighbor’s aunt grabbed my arm and dragged me to the corner.
“I’m not afraid of your father’s madness. I’m sorry.
She’s got a low voice. “Oh, Chiang Rai, don’t blame your mother. She’s been hard for years. I’m sorry.
“A few years ago, she and your father fought on the balcony, and I listened. She said she’d get a divorce, and your father said he’d go to your school with a knife and he’d make it hard for you if he lived a day. I’m sorry.
“You’re going to college, and your mother is doing it for you.”
For a moment, I stayed where I was.
The next thing she said, it was like coming from a very faraway place, so I didn’t really hear it.
I’ve stepped on the fast and ran upstairs.
Innumerable words are drawn into a river, almost out of my heart.
I think, when I get home, I want to apologize to her first.
I’m sorry.
To say I love your mom.
You should go as soon as you can.
Go find your freedom and your freedom.
I’m grown up, grown up, capable of resisting.
Whatever he does, I can handle it.
But there is no more chance.
The moment the door was opened, the heavy breath came.
I saw the big cake on the table, and it was my favorite Dora-A dream.
I saw a brand new picture frame on the tea table, a picture of my mother when she was 10 years old when she brought me to row.
I saw a broken bottle on the ground, a torn divorce agreement.
Finally.
I saw Jiang Quan’s face with a blood-stained knife and running out in a panic.
My mom fell on her knees and covered her neck.
But it did not stop the blood from coming out of it.
She looked at me.
And with them bright and soft, and with them they lose their beautiful eyes.
She said.
She said…
What?
Mom, what do you want to say to me?
Six.
Jiang Zhang took us to the ice fields.
On the way, I held my mother’s hand unspoken and held her tight.
She’s not here to look at me.
Even if Jiang Zhang asked her to skate, my mother refused: “My friend is not feeling well, I have to take care of her first. I’m sorry.
Jiang Zhang looked at me worse.
“Okay, I’ll go first. I’ll call you later. I’m sorry.
He put on the skating shoes and slipped into the field.
And my mom held my cold hand and was worried.
“Rarity, what’s wrong with you? I’m sorry.
“There’s been something wrong with you since you left the house. Did you get another call from Director Zhang? I’m sorry.
With her words, a strange memory appeared in my mind.
That’s, Yuri’s past.
She has had a difficult life since she was a child without a mother and a father in a welfare home where she can only perform superficially.
When she went to college, the director of the welfare institution, who she had grown up, called repeatedly and five times to complain and ask her for money.
Because of the children who grew up together, Yusuri worked a few hours and saved as much money as possible to send back.
The President’s appetite has been raised.
“…right. I’m sorry.
I bit my teeth and just put the lie to the end,” and she said, “Let me stop going to college and go back to the welfare home. I’m sorry.
My mother stood up and was angry: “Bullshit! I’m sorry.
That’s when Jiangzhou walked in.
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
Waiting for my mom to talk, I suddenly feel hot in my nose.
There’s something going on out there.
She pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket and covered my head.
“Rarity is not well, we’re going back to school.” I’m sorry.
“Can I ask you out next time?” I’m sorry.
“Let’s talk about it. I’m sorry.
I’m right next to her.
She didn’t feel too much for Jiangzhou.
The shyness and redness of the past are more like the reaction of young girls to the opposite sex.
On the way back, my nose was stopped.
She has still not given up and has repeatedly asked me about the welfare home and has not mentioned Chiangzhou at all.
Let me be sure of that.
Go back to the dorm.
She’s still trying to convince me.
“Don’t let her touch you. It’s hard for college, you know? If you really drop out of school, you’ve been working so hard for over 10 years…
The two remaining girls in the dorm are natives and have gone home.
I closed the door and looked at her, “Are you always like this?” I’m sorry.
She stopped suddenly.
I looked at her with red eyes, and the sound was filled with crushing stings:
“You’ve always been like this, giving priority to others and putting their needs before yourself? I’m sorry.
She looked at me, “Don’t you? I’m sorry.
No, it’s not.
I’m not.
I’m selfish, stupid, self-righteous.
So missed the last three years with you.
Push the door in before I see your last side.
We haven’t spoken for a long time.
Mom.
7
I closed my eyes, and my heart was about to swallow up my remorse and my guilt.
“I promise you I won’t drop out of school to help, and I won’t be kidnapped by the dean’s morality, working hard to send her money. I’m sorry.
And I said, “You promised me not to go with Jiangzhou, okay? I’m sorry.
Not now, not temporarily.
You’ll never get involved with him again.
Mom.
“Why do you hate him? I’m sorry.
“Yes, I hate him — no, I hate him. I’m sorry.
Just spit out those words, and I’m already feeling the heat in my eyes, “I had a dream last night. I’m sorry.
“Dreaming you together, he killed you. I’m sorry.
“I’ve also heard that Chiang Zhang’s temper is bad, and you see who keeps Liu Hai as long as he does, is yellow, smokes and drinks. I’m sorry.
“If you’re together, he’ll probably kill you! I’m sorry.
Apparently, my mother felt that it was inappropriate for me to impose the death penalty on Jiangzhou on mere rumours and a dream.
But she still promised me.
The other two roommates didn’t come back this night.
I squeezed with her on a little bunk.
A little light on the head of the bed and the light is warm and dark.
There’s a good smell of light soap coming from her.
It was so familiar that it dragged me into the memories of the past almost instantaneously.
It’s been that smell on my mom ever since I remembered.
Retro, primitive, but good.
Home conditions were set.
In adolescence, on my back, I flaunt.
She bought me expensive showers and still didn’t make me feel better.
But she’s been using a few bucks of soap, and her skin’s so good.
I was envious, and she held me by the shoulder and lamented: “Alas, you inherited your father’s genes. I’m sorry.
In a word, I turned my face.
I’ve understood by then.
What I hate most is that I’m said to be like Chiangzhou.
So when my mom tried to come over here and tricked me, I threw her hand away and she took a step back.
I suddenly had a panic.
Because of that moment, I realized.
And it is as if I have not consciously inherited the irritating character of Chiangzhou.
8
This night, I held her arm and got in the same bed.
A lot of things.
At the end of the day, I was getting sleepy, rubbing her arm and whispering, “Mom, sleep…”
After a few seconds of silence, I realized that something was wrong and that most of my concerns were dispersed.
The light was set on, and my mom sat up and looked at me seriously.
“Do you still remember what happened to President Chang? I’m sorry.
“I’m telling you, she really wants you to be soft when she’s playing the touch card. I’m sorry.
And I looked at her and said, “Have you considered what would happen to her if she had a daughter?” I’m sorry.
She thought, “I’m sure I’ll try to make money and love her and give her the best of life.” I’m sorry.
“What if she’s in danger? I’m sorry.
“I will protect her if I fight for my life. I’m sorry.
Great.
Everything you did, Mom.
And I looked down, and the tears fell on the covers with a big, big drop, and I cried, “That’s good. I’m sorry.
“What happened to Rarity?” I’m sorry.
“Nothing. I’m sorry.
I shook my head and buried my face on her shoulder, “I thought your daughter must be the happiest daughter in the world. I’m sorry.
She’s probably a little embarrassed, she’s got red ears, she’s panicking and she’s like, “Well, if there’s a future, you can be my daughter.” I’m sorry.
“I will love you very much. I’m sorry.
I’ve been crying to the point where I can’t speak, but I’m still biting my lips.
But I don’t have another life, Mom.
You’ve done well already.
Good thing it’s only been 18 years.
But it also feels a deep love that is beyond the reach of ordinary people.
Now it’s my turn to love you.
I’ll save you.
Stay away from Jiangzhou.
Don’t give birth to me.
You’ll live and be happy.
9
In this age, smartphones are not yet available and there is no wireless network.
Contacts between people are extremely thin.
If I don’t want to meet, I won’t see you again.
A month later, the winter break was coming.
Jiang Wan broke into our school.
He was under the girls’ dorm and looked at us with his abusive eyes.
“Fung Min, what the hell did I do? I’m sorry.
I wanted to talk, but before I could open my mouth, my mother pulled me back.
She said, “Nothing, it’s just that I’m not interested in you after the contact. Don’t bother me about the final exam. I’m sorry.
Jiang Zhang’s face is completely down.
He scoured my mother with his eyes and fell on me behind her.
I didn’t say anything. I turned around.
After the stressful finals week, the winter break arrived.
I took my mom to the bus station.
In the years to come, the grotesque fragrance of the fragrance of the winter warmth and the fragrance.
And she said to me, “Remember, if the Dean asks you for money, don’t give it.” I’m sorry.
I nod my head.
Most of the month passed.
The day before the start of school, I was in the middle of a school bus with a bag of luggage on her cold face.
When I came back to the dorm with my luggage, I was sweating.
Scattered the towels and cleaned the dorms, and I fell asleep in my bed.
I had a dream.
In my dream, time turned around, and I went back to many points in the past.
I stood in front of my mother for six-year-old children’s day, and my dad wouldn’t have to do it.
On the fourteenth birthday, I told my mother in advance that you would not be afraid of his threats if you mentioned divorce.
When Jiang Zhou came to school when he was 17, I called the police and asked them to arrest him.
Time flies to my 18th birthday.
My mom’s been busy all morning bringing out a table.
That’s when the bell rings.
She rubbed her hands on her apron, opened the door and turned her head and said, “The cake should have arrived.” I’m sorry.
“Riri, Mom ordered you a…
After that, didn’t say it.
The drunk boat stood at the door and cut into her artery.
He threw the knife, looked at me, laughed out of his mouth.
“You’re my daughter, your mother’s an old man and you’re not getting rid of me! I’m sorry.
Daylight is dyed.
I watched my mom kneel down and covered her neck.
She looked at me.
This time, in the dream.
I finally heard what she wanted to say.
Riley, happy birthday.
Don’t be afraid.
Mom will always love you.
I opened my eyes.
Great sweat.
The sound came out of the door: “Rarity, are you back? Open the door. I forgot my keys. I’m sorry.
I made a decision, jumped out of bed, opened the dorm door.
But when he saw the sight of his sight, he remained in a state.
The cold spreads from the bottom of the heart, filling every inch of the body with speed.
Outside the door.
My mother, who’s lost weight, is carrying two bags.
Around her, Jiang Zhang carried her shoulder, leaned over her head and laughed at me.
“I’m Fong Min, Jiang Wan. I’m sorry.
10
It’s like thunder in my head.
I have watched this scene with great interest and lost my language skills.
I didn’t get my answer. Jiang Zhang was more proud.
He pushed me straight to the side, and he walked in, and he looked around.
“You’re too small a dormitory, I say, “Fung Min, you should move in with me.” I’m sorry.
“What are you talking about? We’re just getting laid. I’m sorry.
My mom put the things in her hand on the table, pushed him and exchanged his eyes.
Jiang Zhang smiled without saying.
From that smile, I suddenly realized something.
“Come on, just kidding. I’m sorry.
He shrugged his shoulder and said, “If you’re safely taken to the dorm, I’ll go back and come back to you this weekend. I’m sorry.
Jiangzhou left after.
I closed the dorm door with my back hand and looked at my mother a few steps away.
“What happened? I’m sorry.
She looked in the eye for a moment, but quickly returned to calm: “What is it? I’m sorry.
“You’re lying!”
The sudden turn made me lose my temper.
I was almost yelling at her, “You promised me you wouldn’t be with him, I told you I had a dream.”
“But it was just a dream. I’m sorry.
My mom looked at me quietly.
And that which is familiar in my eyes, of tolerance and despair, shall leave me in place for a moment.
“Rarity, nightmares are just nightmares. I’ve dreamt of volcanic eruptions, the end of the world, a lot of strange things. How can I be serious? I’m sorry.
And I shook my head with my heart: “It’s different, it’s different.” I’m sorry.
“What’s different?”
She asked me back, and I couldn’t answer.
But it’s different.
It’s not a dream. It’s the reality that really happened to me.
Real and tragic.
So many sleepless midnights, I close my eyes and it’s covered in blood.
Everything, I can’t say.
So We cast forth the threat without any deterrent: “If you take me as your friend, do not be with him.” I’m sorry.
“Rarity, don’t be a kid. I’m sorry.
And she raised her hand, and she gently hit me on the shoulder, “Even with him, we’re friends.” I’m sorry.
I want to say something more, but suddenly the nasal cavity is hot.
I’m bleeding again.
She watched me get scared, pulled some toilet paper and blocked my nose, and took me to the tap.
“You’re always bleeding, and you always say you have a headache. Go to the hospital and check it out.”
The voices are full of fear.
It’s like when I was a kid, I had a fever, hanging water from a small clinic downstairs.
Her tone.
Exactly.
“In a few days. I’m sorry.
My heart hurts and my nose bleeds worse.
The next day, Chiangzhou came again.
“Just starting school. Little class. Take you out? I’m sorry.
He’s got his hand in his pocket, like a flow of air.
My mom took a second look at me.
“I will go with you.” I’m sorry.
Jiang Zhang took us to the ice fields again.
At this time, there are no scripts, there are few cinemas and there are limited places for entertainment.
On the way, he lit a cigarette and swallowed the fog.
I’m coughing.
My mother slapped him on the shoulder: “Strangling, don’t smoke in front of Rarity, she has a bad voice.” I’m sorry.
This scene is familiar.
I’m familiar with my tears again.
Just keep your head down and hold on.
To the dry ice fields, three pairs of shoes were rented and the Chiang canoe slipped into the site.
My mother was waiting for me: “Rarity, you’re not well balanced, I’ll take your time. I’m sorry.
I’ve had a flash of something in my head.
When I was a kid, I played skaters in kindergarten, balanced wood, because I was too well-balanced and had a broken knee.
So long after she learned to ride a bike, my mom wouldn’t let go.
Aunt Yuri is like me.
It’s like something’s in the middle of it.
It’s like some kind of premonition.
Or the thread of fate.
It’s just that I haven’t been able to figure it out yet.
“I’ve waited half a day. Fong Min, there are several sisters waiting to slide with me. I’m sorry.
“Then you slip with them. Not Rarity. I have to stay with her.”
She didn’t finish, and Chiang Zhang stretched out his hand: “She’s your classmate, and she’s been treated like a child. I’m sorry.
It’s too late for that.
After two steps, the whole person fell to the ground.
A sudden, blunt pain spreads all over.
It’s dark in front of us.
Eleven.
Wake up in the hospital.
Special disinfection of the smell of water into the nose.
I saw my mom sitting next to her bed with red eyes.
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
She held my hand, and her voice choked, “Rarity, you slept all day. I’m sorry.
“Doctor says you have a tumor in your head — don’t you worry, if you have regular chemotherapy, you can adjust your mood, you can still live longer. I’m sorry.
I realized the death of Aunt Dishuri.
Without chemotherapy, brain cancer occurs at an advanced stage, leaving only a few months to live.
At the level of the economy of Yushu, the cost of treatment cannot be met by any means.
For her, death is the fateful end.
“…it’s okay. I’m sorry.
My mom said, “I’ll help you find a way to dry my tears and make me laugh.”
I opened my mouth, probably because I passed out too long and my voice was dumb.
“Don’t waste money on me. I’m sorry.
I know. Grandpa died when my mom was six.
My grandmother always lived with her in the village.
In those days, life was no good.
I can imagine how hard it took her to save it.
It would be too wasteful to spend all of it on a dying man.
As my mother said, Aunt Yusuri died the year they graduated.
Then she must have made the same choice I made now.
I told the doctor I chose conservative treatment, despite my mother’s obstruction.
The hospital was then forcibly discharged.
My mom came after me and said, “Conservative treatment can’t last for long, you’re going to need chemo.”
I turned hard.
Her eyes were red, and she looked at my eyes and she was so sad.
I said, “I can get chemo. I’m sorry.
“Just as long as you break up with Jiangzhou. I’m sorry.
She looked straight at me.
At that moment, the young Fung-min in front of him and the white mother in the cemetery where the snow came from came together.
“Something is not as simple as you think. I’m sorry.
She reached out with her hand, slept me in a sick bed and had my hair all messed up.
“But I promise you. I’m sorry.
I looked at her.
It’s like there’s something I’m ignoring, a little surface.
Mom.
You’ll always die for me.
When I was Chiang Ri.
Even when I’m not your daughter.
But you haven’t thought about it.
I don’t really deserve it.
12
I’ll go back to the hospital and check in.
It’s not enough even for Yushui and my mother’s savings.
But just keep her away from Chiangzhou.
Escape death.
Everything is worth it.
It was just the third day of my hospital, when Jiang Zhou broke into the ward.
“Just for this dead man, you broke up with me.” I’m sorry.
I had a needle in my hand and looked at him faceless.
It’s a little bit harsh, and it’s too familiar.
I was scared when I was little.
And when he enters puberty, he will stand up to him with a sword.
Now he can’t scare me anymore.
My mother sat by the bed and stripped me of the oranges, and was tired: “Go out, this is a hospital.” I’m sorry.
“Fung Min, what did you promise me? You’re not really afraid, are you?”
Jiang Quan came up and laughter with her collar, “I saved your life, you’re already mine. I’m sorry.
My mom suddenly turned pale.
“Don’t say it’s this dead man. Even if I come, you’ll never get rid of me. I’m sorry.
Turn around and he’s leaving.
And suddenly We called him behind him: “Chang Zhang Zhang.” I’m sorry.
He stopped and looked back.
“Stop dreaming, you bastard. She will never, ever be with you. I’m sorry.
Unsurprisingly, Chiangzhou was not angry.
It’s just a mouthful at me: “Then try it.” I’m sorry.
After he left, I turned around and looked at my mom.
She avoided my eyes and handed over only oranges that shaved off white.
“Doctor says you’re going to have to add a little bit to C, Rarity. I’m sorry.
I’ll take it and rip a petal and throw it in my mouth.
And then, after she took a little breath and thought it was just the end of it, she suddenly said:
“What’s he talking about?”
My mother took a bit of a diversion: “Don’t pay attention to him, it’s just nonsense.” I’m sorry.
“When did Jiang Zhang save your life? I’m sorry.
In retrospect, before the winter break, her attitude towards Jiangzhou was not hot.
When you promise me you won’t be with him, it gets colder.
Until…the cold comes back.
They’re suddenly together.
Even when they were little, every time they asked why they were together.
My mom and Jiang Zhang will look different.
It’s like touching something unspoken.
I looked straight at her until my mom looked down and said:
“Don’t ask. Stay in the hospital. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m sorry.
Bad.
The rapid passing of life makes me increasingly restless.
That afternoon, my mom went back to school and was late.
I was in the room with a drop of liquid, and I was tortured to faint with a strong headache.
I had another dream.
My mother, in my dreams, was not with Chiang Zhang from the very beginning.
She sent me off and graduated from college.
To be assigned to a productive unit.
The following year, a suitable target was identified.
After two years in love, she got married and had a smart daughter.
It doesn’t matter if the daughter is me.
Everything’s perfect, it’s perfect.
Until her daughter’s 18th birthday.
The family of three went out to celebrate.
There was a man coming out of the commercial street.
No one saw how he pulled out the knife.
But it was a wink, and my mother put a knife in her heart and fell back.
Her eyes are flying away.
Keep an eye on the red sun that spreads across the sky, with a pair of lips.
“…Riri…”
It was the last sound of her life.
The killer has been pushed to the ground.
He struggled to raise his head and showed a dark face.
But I am familiar with it.
Jiang Zhang, it’s Jiang Zhang.
Seems as long as he’s alive.
My mom will never get away with it.
I woke up.
The rain outside the window is sorely asphalted, accompanied by occasional lightning.
The familiar smell in the ward flows into the nose.
Not the bloody smell of dreams.
But I’m breathing out of my mouth, and the pain in my head is about to tear me apart.
In the rain, the door to the ward was opened.
The incandescent lights are on.
My mom’s in slow steps, step by step.
I’m acutely aware of something.
The pain was strong and the eyes were almost draped on her face.
Finally, the wound was found hidden in the hair and bleeding.
Probably didn’t expect me to wake up. She was unconscious.
“…Rarity. I’m sorry.
I didn’t talk.
But I seem to have seen the tip of the truth from her hair, which is so tinyly tumultuous.
So take a deep breath.
“Chang Zhang did something to you, if you don’t tell me. I’m sorry.
“Then I’ll ask him myself. I’m sorry.
14
It’s not really complicated.
Jiangzhou’s home and my mom is in the same place.
On the winter break home, my mother was targeted by a couple of bad guys in a swinging inter-district bus.
They followed her quietly until she came to a scarce place.
The luggage was scattered in the push.
The most dangerous and helpless time was when Chiang Zhang saved her.
In the beginning of the year, Jiang Quan asked her out.
My mom agreed.
He took her to dinner with a couple of so-called brothers, drank my mother half-drunk and then had sex with her despite her refusal.
“If I don’t say yes, he says I’m a half-thirty-thirty, how can I push him away if I don’t want to.” I’m sorry.
“That’s what he said about the subject, and that I gave it all to him for the first time and that I’d be better off…”
Her hand shivering with the buttons, however, forced a smile.
“Don’t talk about it, Rarity. You’re still sick. You should rest. I’m sorry.
I see.
It was 20 years ago.
Integrity is also seen as an important chip.
To save her once, she should have spoken with her and entered into marriage.
Her refusal to reach an outcome became a refusal.
It was such a ridiculous, ridiculous excuse to trap her life.
Even more ridiculously, I’m this man’s daughter.
In my body, he bleeds.
Even a part of his character has passed on to his irritation and extremes.
The pain re-emerged, and the strong aversion forced me to bend down for a while.
I can’t spit anything out.
My mom was so panicking about my back, she went to pour me water.
And We held her cold fingers and said: I am fine. I’m sorry.
But from that day on, I started dreaming a lot.
Dreaming no matter how my mom got away.
Even if she’s a thousand miles away, she’s going somewhere else.
It’s always the end of the line.
It’s like, it’s a sign from heaven.
It is not enough for me to disappear on my own.
Only if the culprits remain alive can she be saved.
So, when the doctor announced that my condition was getting worse again, cancer cells spread all over my body, not even chemotherapy.
I finally made up my mind.
My mom, who’s busy with graduation, can’t come to the hospital every day to look after me.
This gives me an opportunity.
I went out of the hospital with pain and looked around about Chiang’s trip.
Even near graduation, he had no sense of urgency.
Or as before.
During the day, they sleep in the dormitory or go to the game hall or the Internet bar.
Drink at night and go to the pool room.
Intoxicated, Chiangzhou is angry and more likely to lose its sense of reason, inspired by words.
Besides, he was born with violent genes.
These are the experiences I’ve had in 18 years.
15
On the day the plan was implemented, it rained early in the morning.
I wrote a long, long letter to my mother at the hospital.
Tell her that I already know that it’s a crime, and I’ll persuade him to turn himself in and let her go.
Tell her she’s the luckiest thing in my life.
Whether it’s for Yusuri or Chiang Ryun.
Both.
But.
I’m sorry.
There is no me in this world and there is no Jiangzhou.
It’s the best ending for you.
I went out of the hospital, changed my suit, dressed in a wide pocket.
He’s been waiting for hours outside the pool room where Jiangzhou used to go.
He finally walked out.
He had half a bottle of undrinked beer in his hand.
I followed him quietly.
And I passed through an empty alley, and I cried in the back: “Chang Zhou.” I’m sorry.
He turned around, saw me and laughed.
“You dare come out and hang out in front of me? I’m sorry.
And We looked at him with full sarcasm: “Is it you, the coward?” I’m sorry.
“Don’t think I don’t know. You’re the one who found the bad guys who were following him, right? I’m sorry.
Actually that’s my guess, I’m not sure.
But I saw a flash of bitterness in the eyes of Jiangzhou.
I thought, maybe I got it right.
There’s a strong nausea in the stomach.
That’s it.
I called him dad for years.
Good thing it’s over today.
It’s still raining.
There was a street light outside the alley, and the light was lighted with thin rain.
We went on to say, “What you know is not to talk about, it is to rape.” You want to threaten her with this, dream about it. I’m sorry.
“You’re about to die and you think you can do something about it.” I’m sorry.
“What do you think you are, bitch? I’m sorry.
“I’ve got evidence to prove your guilt. I’m sorry.
I smiled and said, “Look down at him like a bug on the road.”
“Jang Zhou, a bastard like you, is a waste of life. Who thinks he likes you, with you? I’m sorry.
“Fung Min doesn’t like you at all. You’ll be sentenced, you’ll be in jail. She’ll only celebrate with me. I’m sorry.
“Before I die, I’m happy to see you in the game. I’m sorry.
Before coming, I thought of two possibilities.
If Jiang Zhou had been provoked to kill me, and the letter I left my mother, it would have been enough to send him to prison.
But if he doesn’t…
Then I’ll take him on my way.
Well, I know his terrible character.
After I threw many more words that I could hardly hear,
Chiang Zhang can’t help it.
“Shut up! Bitch, have you had enough of this shit? I’m sorry.
He broke his beer bottle and pointed it at my throat.
The eyes are red and they’re breathing.
And I was still stinging at him: “Do not think that I do not know, so dare you do it.” I’m sorry.
At the same time he put the bottle forward.
I took a step forward.
The sharp edge of the glass pierced the flesh and the neck artery.
It hurts.
It hurts.
You were so hurt.
But I remember.
Mom.
Fearing not enough, I endured intense pain and kept moving forward.
Until it can’t get in.
“I’m dead and you’re not gonna make it.”
Mom, he won’t get to you again.
The sight is getting thin.
I saw Chiang Zhang’s hand relaxing, like the wine finally woke up.
He stood back and looked at me like a monster.
He was still young.
But it’s no different from that ridiculous and ugly look 20 years later.
Man’s fate was decided from the moment he was born.
Thank God for bringing me back to the past.
Give me a chance to change.
More and more hot liquids spill wounds and drop from the lips.
The blood is raging.
I fell in the rain.
I can’t say anything with one mouth.
I wanted to call Mom again, but you couldn’t hear me.
The light is getting darker.
It’s like a lot of flashlights.
Quiet, like back many years ago.
That rain night.
My mom didn’t pick me up.
I came home all over the place, and I found cold pots, all black lights.
Neighbors told me that Jiang Zhou had returned and had an argument with my mother, and that she had been thrown into the hospital and then had gone away.
My mom didn’t call the police.
She said that if Jiang Zhang left a record, it would affect my future.
The tragedy of her life, Jiang Zhang was responsible for everything, I was a hostage and an accessory.
Never again, never again.
Mom, you’re saved.
You’re free.
16
Watching his body fall in front of him, Jiang Zhang ran out of the alley in panic.
Just a few steps, just hit a few people.
There was blood on his hands.
People called the police.
It was not until the police called to inform her to identify the body that he knew what had happened.
The letter from Yurena left nothing to break.
No one knows that that was the last time she decided to use her life as a prison, to keep Jiangzhou in it forever.
They only thought that she had discovered what Jiang Zhou had done to a friend and had gone to warn him, but was killed by a man who had lost his hand in anger.
The police are just asking her: “Chang Zhang has forced you to have sex on several occasions, right? I’m sorry.
Fung Min Noding.
She thought, “The lady who owns the hotel and the hotel at home can prove that I was drunk that day and I couldn’t resist it. I’m sorry.
End of process.
The police have formally instituted proceedings against Jiang Wan.
The crime of rape, combined with the crime of intentional homicide, is almost a death sentence.
Fong-min graduated with a good performance and was assigned a good unit.
She worked well and with great competence, and soon received the favour of her leadership.
Looks like everything’s all right.
Only Fang Min knows.
The letter was hidden by her in a drawer by her bedside, and was shown almost every night.
In her letter, he said, “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.
It’s always the fault of a rapist. Don’t be ashamed.
So-called chastity is but a shackle.
If you break free, you’ll get a new life.
I didn’t have long to live, but I wanted you to be all right.
Peace, happiness, and life.
But it’s not her friend Yusuri.
Her friend, Yusuri, was kind and cowardly.
There was no courage so desperate and determined.
Who the hell is that?
Fong-min thought about the dream she used to stop herself from being with Jiang-kwan.
Thinking of her dissatisfaction and hostility towards Jiangzhou from the beginning.
She began to dream about Yusuri often and again.
It didn’t work out.
At the end of the year, the verdict was delivered.
He was sentenced to death without delay for several offences.
On the day of the execution, Fong Min carried a bunch of flowers to the cemetery.
The snow is rising.
She stood in front of the tombstone and watched the photograph in silence until the tears were full of face.
Who the hell are you, Rarity?
17
At the age of 25, Fong-min married her lover.
She was in love for two years, gentle and tolerant, and was a colleague of her unit.
In the second year of their marriage, they had a daughter.
Fong Min’s name is Fong Zing.
It’s strange that Mom’s desk and bedtops have the same picture.
And she doesn’t know anyone in the picture.
She snuck up on Mom.
The answer was just silence.
The husband secretly took her daughter away while Fang Min looked at the photo of Yushui.
Fong-min heard him whispering outside to educate his daughter: “That’s Mom’s best friend in college.” I’m sorry.
“And then it became a star.” I’m sorry.
“But it’s too far from the world to see her. Don’t ask anymore, Mom will be sad. I’m sorry.
Fong-min is still a little distracted.
Her life is happy and everyone praises her.
The husband was gentle, understanding, and the angry and irritating Zhang Zhang Zhang were two worlds.
Fong Qing is smart, and kindergarten teachers always exaggerate.
But why, there seems to be something inside, something missing.
Fill out the complaints.
Then Fong Zing grew up.
I’m going to the best college.
With her and her husband ‘ s income at that time, it was not difficult to buy her a home in a front-line city.
Every year she goes to Yushui, sits in front of her gravestone and speaks a lot.
She says it’s a pop-up stove for tea.
Fong Qing was crying to try at home and bought a stove, but it didn’t work.
If you’re alive, you can come to my house and try it together.
She says my daughter Fong Zheng is married and has another daughter.
I’ve seen it. The little girl’s so cute. She’s so milky.
She said that the epidemic was getting lighter and might be over at some point.
If you’re alive, we’ll go around the world.
Say a lot, a lot.
He’s always just smiling at her and not talking.
Until that day, it was snowing.
As she walked out of the cemetery, an orange kitten rubbed her leg across.
There’s a conversation in my head.
“Mommy, Daddy killed my cat…”
“Rai Ried doesn’t cry. Mom buried it with you. We’ll have another one when we grow up, okay? I’m sorry.
The sound in the back was hers.
But who’s the other strange child?
Who’s Riley?
Flexine headaches, something hidden in daily life.
She tried to find the truth, but it was always clouded.
Days pass like water.
Fong-min died when he was 89 years old.
Full and clean.
Everyone who knows said it was mourning.
But before she died, she finally remembered someone.
Her Ladyy, with a desperate mission, came to save her in this age.
The price is she won’t be born.
Forever and ever, in this world.
Her daughter loves her more than anyone in the world.
Fong-min opened his mouth hard.
“Mom, what are you saying?” I’m sorry.
“Riri…”
I’ll save you.
This time, I’ll save you.
18
Fong-min opens her eyes again, the sun is clear, the shades are covered and the sky blue is washed.
A man standing not far, carrying a snake-skin bag, was measuring her with cowardly and friendly eyes.
“Hello, I’m Ziuri and I’ll be your roommate later. I’m sorry.
The memory of the mind fades like water.
It’s like the gods let fate go, and no man can catch it.
In the end, she forgot what happened after she got into college.
It’s only 18 years old.
But he reached out with his hand.
“Hello, my name is Fong Min. I’m sorry.
“We’ll be good friends later. I’m sorry.
(concluded full text)
Case number: YXX1z836lxCJ3b8dXH2mAB
I can’t help it. We’re in love.
Chocolate A-hwasyan.
x
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
