How to chat with girls correctly?
How to find the topic that the right person likes?
Try the cherry-picking technique.
If you can find the “cherry in the conversation” quickly, you will never let your conversation with the right person get bogged down in nonsense.
This technique can quickly turn this kind of meaningless small talk into a topic closer to the heart of the lover.
As you make small talk with your crush, pay close attention to any words that stand out from the crowd-peculiar, unusual, off-topic words, or occasional references to places, times, and people. Pick out
that word, because it is the key to the heart of the right person, through which you can find out what the right person really likes to talk about.
Gentlemen, let’s say you’re walking home from work when a storm breaks and you rush to the nearest cafe to get out of the rain.
You walk in the door, shake off the water drops on your body, and are about to sit down at the table when you suddenly find a beautiful strange woman sitting on the chair next to you.
You clear your throat and decide to take the risk.
“Wow,” you say. “It’s really raining hard outside.
She turned to look at you and seemed to accept you.
‘Yes.
“You try to find more nonsense to talk about:” Well, do you come here often?
Your lover seems to be amused by your opening remarks, but he doesn’t lose interest in you.
No, not often.
“She smiled and said,” I just came in to have a cup of hot coffee and shelter from the rain.
“You go on to say boldly,” Look, the rain seems to be getting heavier, doesn’t it?
It’s not very clever, but at least it keeps your conversation going. Yeah
. The
lover shrugged. At least it’s good for the plants.
You both look out the window for a moment, then withdraw your gaze and look at each other.
You smile at her, and your crush squeezes out a smile.
Next, neither of you can think of anything else to talk about for a moment, so you both withdraw your eyes and stare down at the coffee cup.
A budding love affair is coming to an end.
What a pity! How smooth it was at the beginning. Your opening remarks were very pleasant.
Your lover is smiling and leaning towards you, which shows that she has a receptive attitude towards you.
But when the initial chatter is over and more interesting topics should be started, your tongue is tied.
Here’s a little quiz: In your previous conversation, there was actually an entry point for a new topic-I call it the “cherry” in the chat, but you missed it. There is a word in a
beautiful woman’s words, and if you can pick it out and talk about it, you can turn a boring chat into a fun chat that attracts her quickly.
Do you see which word it is?
The answer is: plants.
Let’s go back to the not-so-funny bit when you were talking about the weather.
Just before you ask, “What should I say next?”?
And when she was distressed, she said, At least it’s good for the plants. Hunters with sensitive
minds will immediately notice that there is a hint here.
Maybe you don’t know the difference between daffodils and dandelions, but plants are obviously a part of your new love interest’s life, or she wouldn’t have brought up the word.
Perhaps she didn’t even realize it when she subconsciously shouted, “I really want to talk about plants.”.
Tip 1 Cherry Picking If you can find the “cherry in the conversation,” you’ll never let your conversation with the right person get bogged down in nonsense.
Listen and look for all the slightly unusual words. They are the seeds of the cherry. Plant
them in the soil, let them take root and sprout, and let your first conversation blossom into unforgettable flowers.
After she throws the cherry, you should ask, “Oh, do you have a garden?”?
Maybe she has a vegetable garden, a roof garden, a few planters hanging on the wall, or a victory garden. Maybe she doesn’t have any garden at all, but she just likes plants very much.
Although you don’t know the answer yet, you do know that plants are part of her world; otherwise, the word would not have come out of her mouth.
Now, if instead of saying “at least it’s good for the plants,” she says “I think this rain is like a tropical thunderstorm,” then the cherry your crush gave you is “tropical thunderstorm,” and so on.
You can say, “Oh, have you ever been to the tropics?”?
She may or may not have been there, but at least she knows something about the tropics, otherwise the word would not have come out of her subconscious. The word
“tropical” may be just a common word for you to describe a thunderstorm, but for the person who says it, it may be more closely related to something else.
Please learn to be a word detective.
Suppose she says, “It’s raining so hard that my dog can’t go out for a walk.”.
“Or” Yes, the heavy rain made my swimming pool full of fallen leaves.
In these cases, “dog” and “pool” are the tickets to an intimate conversation with the woman.
How to convince the right person that you are in love?
If you’re eavesdropping on a man and a woman at a party, you might be able to tell how close they are in a minute: Have you just met?
Just a friend?
Or are you in love?
You don’t even need to hear them call each other “sweetie,” “darling,” or “cookie.” You don’t need to watch their body language to determine how intimate they are. You don’t have to worry about the topics
they talk about or even the tone of their voice, but you can still easily tell.
How to judge?
According to the level of their conversation. Conversation can be divided into several wonderful levels,
depending on how close people are.
They are as follows: Level 1: Cliche. When
two people who have just met start talking, they always throw out some platitudes to each other.
Let’s assume that they are talking about the most boring topic in the world-the weather.
The two strangers would say, “It’s a beautiful day.”.
My God, it’s starting to rain, isn’t it?
This is the lowest level of conversation: platitudes.
Level 2: Fact. People
who know each other but don’t know each other very well often talk about facts when they chat.
You know, Joe, there were 242 sunny days last year.
“or” Well, we finally decided to build a swimming pool to combat the heat here.
Level 3: Feelings and personal questions.
Friends often talk about each other’s feelings, even if they are talking about such a boring topic as the weather.
God, Sam, I love sunny days like this.
“Or” What do you think?
Do you like sunshine?
Level 4: “We” expression.
This is a way of communication that very close friends or lovers will enjoy.
They never talk about platitudes, and they don’t just talk about “facts.” They talk about more than “feelings.” That’s how we say it. When
talking about the weather, lovers will say, “If this fine weather holds, we should go on a trip.”.
Tip: Use the “we” expression in advance. Even if you get to know the right person for a few minutes, you can create a feeling of intimacy between the two of you.
In a chat, plant the seed of intimacy in his (or her) heart by skipping a level or two, or even going straight to level three or four.
According to this phenomenon, I offer you a little trick.
Using it, you can make the new person you meet subconsciously feel that you are already a couple, that you have become one, and that you are in love.
I call this technique “using our expressions in advance,” because you need to skip one or two levels of conversation and go straight to level three or four. Use different levels of signals
at the same time to confuse each other’s feelings. Ask your new crush how they feel about something in the same way you would in a conversation
with a friend; use the “we” expression only used by lovers or in very close relationships.
Let’s say you’re at a party and you’re talking to a new person you’re interested in, and you’re talking to a good friend so that the other person thinks you’re already familiar.
Do you like this party?
Then move on to the lovers’ level, the “we” expression.
Yes, there are so many holiday parties that we really need a lot of effort to play them all, right?
Generally speaking, in the early days of a relationship, people often feel that it’s not time to say “we.”.
But when a clever hunter or huntress uses the “we expression” in advance, the lover will subconsciously feel that the two have become much closer. Increase intimacy
by sharing personal secrets. Here’s another technique for increasing intimacy.
Generally speaking, when people talk to strangers, they are always vigilant and reluctant to disclose too personal information.
However, as we become more familiar with others, we will reveal our personal information to others little by little, as if it were an intimate gift to each other.
We may tell a friend or romantic partner that we have worked hard to break the habit of biting our nails, or that our hair is so greasy that we have to wash it every day. When
we confess something like this to a good friend, his or her reaction is likely to be to laugh and say, “Oh, do you really think that’s serious?”?
I once had a rash on my hands that drove me crazy. You don’t have a lot of oil in your
hair. When
I go to the hairdresser, the hairdresser always asks me whether I want to cut it all off or change the oil on my hair! This is how friendship is cultivated.
This kind of self-disclosure dialogue can create a close connection between friends.
By sharing a little secret or making some appropriate confessions, you express your unguarded attitude to the right person, and you expose your vulnerable side to him (or her).
But before trying this “self-disclosure” technique, make sure your relationship has some foundation. This technique is self-defeating
if you feel that he (or she) has not yet developed respect for you.
An interesting study reveals that a person with high ability will be liked more if he or she makes a stupid mistake in social interaction, but if a person with low ability makes such a mistake in social interaction, people will like him or her less [2].
Confessing a small flaw can elicit love and compassion from others, but a big mistake can’t.
For example, telling someone at the beginning of a relationship that you’ve been divorced twice, or that you just lost your driver’s license, or that a prestigious law school rejected your application, can make your intended person quickly fall out of love with you.
“What a loser!” She would secretly be so angry.
In fact, compared with other brilliant achievements in your life, these mistakes are not too big defects.
You have never committed a crime, your previous relationships have been normal, and your studies have been excellent.
But when the relationship was in its infancy, she had not yet had a chance to learn about these things.
If you reveal your big mistake early on, she will instinctively wonder, “What’s next?”? He broke out such a terrible thing as
soon as we met, so what he didn’t say should be even more terrible, right?
A lot of ex-wives? A
clear criminal record?
Walls covered with rejection letters from others?
Therefore, please be sure to lock the door of your heart, and those dark secrets will be announced later. The task
now is to emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.
However, don’t forget to confess a few minor complaints, so that the right person will immediately love you and feel that you are closer to each other.
Tip: Use self-disclosure early if you feel that your relationship with your new crush is going well, you can confess a small problem that will bring you closer together.
Choose the small issue that doesn’t matter and say it frankly, but make sure that the issue really doesn’t matter. Some people
may not agree with Shakespeare’s famous saying “The world is a big stage,” but when a beautiful stranger asks you (usually within the first five minutes of meeting), “So, what do you do?
Almost everyone thinks that he (or she) is testing whether he (or she) can turn you into a friend. How
you answer this question will largely determine your role in the future life of this new acquaintance: will you become a star in his life or a passer-by who only stays for a short time?
Are you ready? Before auditioning,
actors will prepare some one-man shows to perform on stage; singers will prepare several masterpieces and be ready to audition at any time.
Those who are experienced in the entertainment industry know that preparing just one song or one one-man show is not enough to handle all the auditions.
In the same way, yes. So, what do you do? There is only one standard answer to
this question, and it cannot satisfy the test of all the right people. Before you
can answer, you have to take a closer look at the person you’re interested in, and then use what I call the “core resume” technique.
If you want the new person to fall in love with you, you must consider the following three factors before answering the question: 1. You want to sound like the kind of person he or she likes.
2． You want to sound confident and love life.
3． You want your answer to have an “introduction” so that the right person can continue the conversation with you about the topic.
I am the kind of man or woman you love.
I know you know very little about that attractive stranger when you first meet him or her, but try to make your job or hobby fit into his or her love map.
For example, maybe you sense that this new person likes highly professional people, so make your work sound as important as possible.
Perhaps your creative people are full of free spirit, so emphasize the creative component of your work. Is
he (or she) a workaholic?
Emphasize how enthusiastic you are about your work and discuss how many hours per week you will devote to it.
Once you’ve figured out what type of person you’re looking for, talk about work in terms you think he or she will like.
I love my job. Everyone is attracted
to someone who is confident and enthusiastic.
Women especially like confident men. I
once wrote an article for a men’s magazine about what women most want in a man.
At that time, I didn’t consult a psychologist, nor did I look up scientific data. Instead, I called some of my best friends and asked them, “What qualities do you most want to find in a man?”?
Their answer is exactly the same: The most overwhelming trait of men, the one that attracts women most, is “self-confidence.”.
“I like a confident man,” one friend said. “Even if he’s a turkey, just be a confident turkey.
Men also like confident women. When
my friend Phil comes back from a date, I often ask him, “How was it?”?
Do you like her?
Phil is the typical man who is tongue-tied when it comes to love and marriage. His answer is usually a mutter: “It’s all right.”.
Do you like her, Phil?
“” Well, of course, but I won’t see her again.
“” Why?
“” Well, she doesn’t seem to have her life figured out yet.
In other words, she has no clear goal for her life and lacks that sense of confidence and crispness.
Men often use this expression to express their complaints about women who are not mature enough.
The next time a beautiful stranger comes up and asks, “So, what do you do?”?
Make sure your tone is warm and cheerful and that you are confident about your nine-to-five job.
Three, “Let’s keep talking.”.
Suppose you have just met a potential life partner.
You say, “I’m a secretary.”.
I’m a lawyer.
“or” I’m a nuclear physicist.
these are all good.
Now, what should he say?
So, what do you do?
The answer is so short, so short that there is only one word, which often makes the other person speechless and does not know how to continue. How would
you ask a physicist?
my God, where have you been bombing lately?
Never just say the name of your job and let the silence of the right person end your conversation. Give him an introduction to
your work so he can pick up on a detail and continue to ask questions, and your conversation won’t be at the end of its tether.
You’re a lawyer, but don’t just say, “I’m a lawyer,” but expand on that a little bit.
For example, “I’m a lawyer, and our firm specializes in labor law.”.
In fact, I’m representing a woman who was fired from her job because she was pregnant and had to work shorter hours.
In this way, you give the other person the bait to continue the conversation.
If you don’t, he may quickly wander off to talk to people he thinks are smarter. Sooner or later,
the beautiful stranger asked another question: “Where are you from?”?
Don’t just throw a geographical term at the other person, but find an interesting place in your hometown so that the other person can catch your conversation.
For example, my hometown is Washington, D. C.
Every time people ask, I tell them that when I was growing up, the ratio of men to women was one to seven because of the influx of out-of-town women into government service jobs (so, you know why I left my hometown?
）。
If the right person knows a lot about art, I tell him that the designer of Washington, D.C., and the designer of the urban landscape of Paris are the same person.
In this way, our conversation soon shifted from Washington to urban landscape design. The more bait
you throw out, the more likely you are to impress the new lover through conversation.
Tip: Core Resume No matter what kind of job you do, no matter where you go, don’t mess up the most important interview in your life: So, what do you do?
Match your answer to the love map of the person you’re interested in, make sure you’re optimistic and confident, and throw out the right details to keep your conversation going.
. Focus on not getting lost ~
