How to get along like a fish in water at Chinese dinner?
I often attend some dinner parties. According to my observation, no matter what kind of dinner party I attend, there are always one or two people who are particularly talkative, and there are always one or two people who just sit and don’t talk much and listen to others. Sometimes when I meet a topic that I am interested in, I just want to say it, but it is snatched by others, and I can only continue to listen.
I don’t know if you’re the one who keeps talking or the one who keeps listening.
In fact, in my opinion, whether you can say it or not does not mean that you have the initiative in the dinner conversation. The most important thing is whether you can say it or not.
Let me give you a list of the different types of parties we often attend, and what problems we are most afraid of. Let’s break them down for you and see how to get to the point in different scenarios and get back the initiative of the topic.
The first is the class reunion. The most feared problem in the class reunion is to compete with each other and show off. A certain classmate begins to take care of everything, which is similar to “the cost of today’s party is on me,” which makes other classmates feel the gap and changes the taste of the class reunion. The best way to
deal with this situation is to learn to change the subject. I once had a party with my junior high school classmates. We sat together and talked about the things we used to do in school, how to skip classes and be naughty. We had a good time. After three rounds of
drinking and chatting, some people began to ask everyone about the current situation, and some people began to touch on some private topics. How much do you earn now? You can obviously feel that they are beginning to compare with each other. Some people say that my annual income is hundreds of thousands, while others dare to say, “It’s only a little bit, not more than a million.”.
Perhaps some people do not have so much actual income, but they have to say that they earn more for the sake of face. Gradually, they feel that this reunion is not as simple as before, and people begin to be impetuous.
Just then, another classmate of mine said to the classmate who initiated the topic, “Hey, I remember when I was in school, you were the second generation of the rich in our class. You were the first person in the family to have a little overlord game machine. I remember I often went to your house to play.”.
My classmate, who was about to continue the comparison, heard this and recalled his past memories. You still have the nerve to say this. As soon as you came to my house to play games, you didn’t play any more. In the end, you broke one of my game controllers, which made me feel distressed.
Then, along with this incident, I kept talking about those funny past events, and then I turned away from the awkward topic.
I think not only my classmates will have such a problem, but most of them will have such a problem.
Therefore, in the reunion of classmates, we should talk more about the topics we used to talk about in school, and try to talk less about the present and the future. If we are concerned about the development of our classmates, that’s no problem, but once we feel that we are obviously showing off and comparing, which makes some other students embarrassed, we should stop the topic.
Think about it, you will get together after graduation for many years. No matter what you say, your classmates must be strong and weak in development. The more they talk about now, the more they will compare with each other and show off, which makes the topic awkward. In the past, we went to school together and studied together. We have a common goal to go to college together. For example, when we work together to complete a certain work, there will be a lot of topics that resonate when we talk about it. But when we get together again many years after graduation, you don’t work together now. If there is a big difference in career, I may not understand you when you talk about you now, and you may not understand me when I talk about you now, let alone the initiative of conversation.
Of course, the work we do is more similar to sharing resources with each other, so we can reestablish contact with each other at the reunion.
In short, you have to remember that in the reunion of classmates, when talking about certain topics, you have to be the one to save the topic. For example, in the example I just gave, the classmate who showed off was about to show off. Another classmate of mine cleverly changed the topic to the story of playing video games in those years. You see, to the past of everyone, You can certainly save the topic, because the past is the eternal talk of the reunion, then you control the direction of the topic in time.
Second, the gathering of colleagues. The most common problem is that new colleagues have nothing to talk about, or talk about some more private topics. The solution is to find common ground in each other’s self-introduction and initiate topics. Secondly, avoid talking about private topics.
For example, if your new colleague introduces himself by saying, “I used to make cosmetics,” and you happen to have made cosmetics when you first joined the work force, then it will bring up a lot of common topics, “Oh, which brand did you do before?
From this common topic point, we can connect to other topic points. Once we start, the two sides will open the conversation box, and the original restrained scene will relax, and the topic will naturally follow. When
colleagues get together, there will be some taboos in the conversation. For example, you and the other party’s work content is not the same, so don’t talk about your own work content in depth. You can talk about it in general. Don’t talk about the bad words of other colleagues who are not present. People talk too much, which will cause unnecessary trouble. Of course, you can praise others.
Don’t complain about depression and unhappiness at work. Negative information is not good for working together. Don’t talk about private topics, such as income, personal feelings and so on.
Talk about some happy topics and tell some interesting stories that you have met recently. Use the storytelling rules I taught you before. Talk about news, entertainment and gossip. Talk about your own views and opinions. After all, it’s a party to be happy. Unite your colleagues and work together to do a good job in the future.
Third, the most difficult thing to deal with in social gatherings is probably being persuaded to drink. If your family or friends often need to socialize, then I recommend them to learn the tips I will share with you. How to deal with them?
Attending a party like a dinner party is already of interest, so when you are persuaded to drink, you can’t refuse too directly or stiffly. Everything should be based on the premise of sincere hope to promote cooperation, so that you can achieve the desired goal.
Give you two ways to block alcohol: 1. Be talented, use talent to attract attention; 2. Reduce other people’s expectations of your drinking capacity, which requires the ability to perform.
For example, if your client is a person who likes to drink, then you have to accompany him to drink well. What if I can’t drink well?
This is the start of the roundabout tactics, in their own appropriate circumstances, to find a clever point to avoid at the same time can also make the other side happy.
I once went to a dinner party, and I couldn’t drink at all, but the other party liked drinking very much, so he kept toasting me. I kept drinking plain water, and while I was drinking, I began to persuade me to drink, saying, “You see, I’ve dried up one cup at a time. Can’t you drink a little and move me?”?
I said, “Don’t drink too much. Drinking too much is not good for your health.” But this man said, “Enjoy the present and be happy today. Who knows if there will be an accident tomorrow? Come on, come on, drink some. Xiao Cui, our relationship is here, so we need to drink some. Come and finish this cup.”.
It’s really very difficult to deal with.
But what I said next convinced him: “I really can’t drink. I have a bad stomach since I was a child. I came to see you with anti-inflammatory drugs. You see, the drugs are still in my pocket. And I don’t think you can measure the feelings between you and me by drinking. If I don’t think I have a good relationship with you, I won’t come to see you, right?” Let me sing to cheer you up. I really can’t drink wine. After
that, the other party stopped drinking and began to enjoy my singing. After singing, the other party was so happy that he did not pay attention to the wine.
Of course, I can’t drink at all, which is the way to add to the fun of singing.
But if you can drink a little, you have to master the rhythm of drinking.
I have a colleague who is very good at mastering the art of drinking. At the beginning, he would say, “Dear bosses, I am usually a person who doesn’t drink very much, but today I have the honor to meet you. It is really a rare fate. I propose this glass of wine to all of you, and then I really can’t drink any more.”.
Then he drank it down, and when someone drank with him again, he still said, “I really can’t drink. If I drink again, I can’t go home. So you don’t drink half of it.”.
He not only expressed his sincerity, but also saved face for the other party.
In this party, whenever someone comes to propose a toast, his first words are, “I really can’t drink any more. If I drink any more, I will vomit.” Such words are repeated back and forth until the end of the meal. Others may be drinking precariously, but he is still talking and laughing.
You must not think that he repeatedly said that he could not drink any more. It is very good to prevaricate the other party. It requires a strong performance ability; It is also necessary to be extremely sincere to brainwash others through constant repetition, which is called lowering the other party’s expectations of your capacity for liquor, so that others can truly realize that he really can’t drink, rather than letting others feel that he is pretending, this sense of propriety is very difficult to grasp, but also to constantly give the other party a little bit of face to drink every time, and finally not to get drunk. Only in this way can he control the situation of the conversation in a sober state. When others start to talk away from the topic because they drink too much, not on the theme of the party, that’s when he starts to play a key role and take the initiative of the whole situation.
Fourth, the family gathering in the family gathering, are their own relatives, speech is also a generation there, its randomness and freedom is relatively low.
Generally speaking, the most common problem encountered in family dinner is that everyone’s speech is the same blessing cliche, and sometimes it even makes people feel that it is very fake, especially young people do not like it.
How to avoid talking to your relatives too much? It’s necessary to improvise and express the power of feeling: go home and feel the different feelings that every relative brings to you as the material of expression, say some real words of concern, and put them into your party speech, such as going home for the New Year every year. My family is a large family of more than 20 people, and there are a lot of elders and younger generations. When I speak, I will say, “I see that Grandma you look very good this year, and you are full of energy. You must eat well, sleep well, take good care of yourself every day, and live happily every day. I think Grandma, you must expect me to bring you back your granddaughter-in-law. You can rest assured that I will bring you back one next year.”. Something like
this is more likely to speak to the old man’s heart, rather than wishing you good health, happiness like the East China Sea, and longevity like Nanshan.
Finally, I will give you a summary of how to say the right words in different gatherings and grasp the initiative of words: 1. In the reunion of classmates, we should avoid comparing and showing off, and talk more about the good past; 2. In the gathering of colleagues, we should avoid talking too much about our actual work, do not talk about private topics, do not gossip, do not complain about work depression, and talk more about interesting stories in life; 3. In the social gathering, we should learn how to speak at the wine table, learn to refuse reasonably, and be the last sober person; 4, family gathering, to understand the rules, seize the opportunity to speak, do not say cliche, can say to the hearts of others.
. Focus on not getting lost ~
