Back to school after the exams, and I have a diary on my desk.
It’s not mine, but it’s written in my name. It’s a thick book of hidden youth. It’s a boy who’s been in my diary for three years.
When I was 17 years old, when I thought I was gray, someone liked me so much.
One.
It was a sunny day at the end of the exam.
At 4:55 p.m., I was sitting in the classroom, looking out the window, and the examination was silent, and the thick leaves covered a large part of the window, and the woman in the tree.
I didn’t go too far, I looked up and looked at the clock, and I took a deep breath, and I covered my cap.
The turning pointer is three years of passing high school, and the one thing on hand is the unknown future.
It’s been over a decade, and it’s been over a decade, and it’s been over, and it’s been over a couple of years.
The bell rings the “end of the exam” — please stop answering. I’m sorry.
I looked around for the last time and looked at myself for three years and walked out of the exam.
The completion of the examination did not escape the joy of high school, as it had been expected, and was filled with a faint sense of separation and loss.
I walked out of the exam, and Dad’s pace was as hot as I expected, and the strawberry cupcakes that I had on my hands were about to be blown off by him.
The crowd was held tight by the cordon to draw an exit route.
Countless eyes fell on me and quickly looked at others after confirming that I was not their child.
There was a noise in the midst of them, and We were like a world apart, and suddenly We felt that our youth had laid down a curtain in this seemingly overwhelming water of calm.
The next day, I returned to school to pick up the groceries I had not taken.
Through the raisins corridor, they meet their fellow schoolgirls, who look up in the sky, with their high pony tails lightening their youth, and the stars shining in their eyes.
There’s a single safe house for all our leftovers, and there’s a big or small corner full of books, high or low, and there’s a lot of papers in the middle.
I went next to my book, and I took it for three years, and I was about to take it home and find a thicker blue notebook, which is my name but not my handwriting.
I was confused to pick up the book and look around, and all my classmates were packing, and I turned my notebook over to see it.
Nothing. Strange. Keep a little k on the lower right corner and draw a plane.
I turned the first page with my doubts.
September 2, 2018…
On the first day of high school, the summer breeze blew my hair like a soybean sprouts, so it was not necessary to say anything, carrying a big bag and a tanned cabbage.
The teacher’s been working on the diary and he doesn’t know what to write.
Record the fun of today!
It’s funny. My covers were taken wrong.
I saw my blanket being carried away by a girl’s head, and the covers in the school were uniform, and she was wrong.
“Hmm? I’m sorry.
I looked at the first page of the diary and went into meditation.
The day I signed up was really hot, and I felt like my whole brain was buzzing, just trying to hide in the dark.
My dad told me to take the covers.
I was so restless, I grabbed the covers and ran away.
I went back at night to lift up the sheets and get ready for the horns, and found out that it wasn’t my familiar Otman, but it was very pure.
I was surprised that I couldn’t find my covers in my bed and in my cupboard.
There’s only one truth — the wrong one.
I tried to remember that day, and it was already blurry, but I just remembered that I took his blanket.
Later? It was like that, and it was three years.
It’s really nice, soft and smelly. I thought it was a girl.
Now I know that this guy who wrote the diary changed the covers.
I don’t know what he’s gonna do to see my Ottman covers.
I was laughed at by his complaints, covered in lips.
September 3rd, 2018…
Official first day of school.
Last night, the bed was not covered.
It’s a little uncomfortable. I didn’t sleep well.
I saw the back of my blanket yesterday.
It’s that little girl.
There’s a lot of people up there, and I’m trying hard to find her.
It was hard to get past her. She ran away.
No, I really don’t want to get Gaetman covered. Ugh!
“Ooh. I’m sorry.
Seeing here makes me laugh.
I thought everybody liked Ottmann as much as I did, and he didn’t have a taste for bad taste.
It’s supposed to be nice. My mom bought me cotton to fill it up!
Moreover, three years of high school, when it comes to raising the flag to eat breakfast on Monday, and when so many people from all over the school arrive in the restaurant at the same time, it is easy to eat.
So I ran to the canteen every time I got up the flag, and it was normal that he couldn’t find me.
He doesn’t have any cooking experience, he must be a schoolboy, and he’s the one who runs so fast.
Two.
I’m the only one left in the big library, with the old fan spinning around, the window open, it’s almost seven o’clock, it’s still light.
The sun passed through the window and fell inside the house, with golden light in the book.
I turned on the next page, the tip of my finger rubbing book, and the sound of the flipping page resonated in the library.
September 4th, 2018…
Ugh! Give up looking for the girl who picked me up.
I didn’t see her yesterday afternoon.
I was restless and covered in Otmann’s bed.
That’s the first time I’ve ever covered a girl’s covers, and the taste of the fragrance doesn’t look like my boy.
It doesn’t seem appropriate to return it now.
Can’t let her cover a guy I’ve slept with.
In the middle of it, there’s school food.
But I saw her this morning.
She’s at 22nd Battalion, 22? She’s in class 22.
I couldn’t help but stare at her, and she was dressed like a ghost into the village!
Why can’t you even wear clothes?
3
What kind of science?
I looked at this page in silence.
When memory returned to high school military training, our schools remained closed to management and were not free to go out.
I didn’t even have a belt, so I had to put a rope on it.
Remembering that military training is 30 days a day, I feel like I’m about to die, and every day my clothes are buttoned.
My dad came by school to deliver to me and laughed at me like the Imperial False Army.
It turns out I look like a Jap in that dress.
And I leaned by the desk of the library, and picked up the diary, and continued to look at it, and the fan was still squeaking.
September 7th, 2018.
That’s weird. After that, I can always meet the girl who took my blanket.
I don’t know her name yet.
Call her “Put her in school.”
“Putting students” seems lively.
I saw her get pulled out again this morning by their instructor.
Looks like she was found stealing lazy camels.
It was the last day of military training and evening was a talent show for the entire class.
A lot of people volunteered to go on stage and perform.
The instructor said I was handsome enough to let me go.
I’m sorry I didn’t go.
I didn’t know you were doing the show.
She sings “Long Paper.”
Sounds like that name.
It’s nice. I’ll go home this week.
“The Paper Short”?
I look in my eyes and my mind spins this melody.
Think about the summer of ’08.
That summer, the song became so hot somehow.
The words in it touched my heart, and I had to back it down long ago, waiting for the opportunity to show myself, but I can’t remember that I sang this song in military training.
And I didn’t expect anyone to put my singing in a diary, and I didn’t want to raise strange feelings like shyness.
Really, shy and strange.
I took it and forced myself to keep looking down.
September 8th, 2018.
I’m on the first floor. It’s a little far.
I want to know her. How do I open my mouth?
Class, I’ve got your Otmann covered now.
I don’t think it’s a good idea.
Shit, you haven’t had much contact with girls? Still not used to it.
Why don’t you ask your brother?
Well, yes, first of all, the first impression is more important.
I don’t know.
Our schools follow a class with high and low grades, with 24 classes, from class one to class two, from high to low.
My grades are only three points higher than the entry scores for this high school.
I had to be assigned to 22 classes, the classroom was on the fourth floor, and no one else could eat.
The guy in the diary is on the first floor, which means the boy should learn well, and I’m getting curious.
Who the hell is this guy?
4
I flipped my finger and it was another page.
September 13th, 2018…
He was chosen to represent math class.
Why?
Do I look good in math?
I went to the office to do my homework and saw the lists of the classes at the table for the party.
I don’t know.
Class 22: The Red Dust Inn
Guo Shui? That’s a familiar name.
All of a sudden, I was thinking about the day I signed up.
That’s the name of your classmate.
I heard her dad tell her to take her to the covers.
Is she going to do the show?
I knew I was in!
I don’t know.
Turning over here, the memories of the past seem to have been re-opened by the key, and the memories gush at me like a tide.
I’m a man who has a chance to try. High school activities are so limited, I’m sure I’ll try something new.
Red Dust Inn is my favorite song.
There’s my favorite lyrics.
“Whoever wills to lead the way, and I will only fold for you.” I’m sorry.
I don’t consciously hum it out.
September 17th, 2018 – Sun – Monday
It’s a new party on Friday, and then we can have a mid-fall break.
Last week’s test didn’t go well.
I haven’t seen anyone.
This morning they saw the school building across the street, on the balcony.
She’s eating early on the railing.
Reading his diary, I can always remember some pictures, and I’ve been doing it again for the last three years.
The steps passed, the insinuated canteens, and the passage through the Vivine’s corridor, are all in a little bit of clarity.
Our high school is a water-saving mode, and the schedule is very tight, and I usually buy it in the cafeteria early in three years and then take it to the balcony outside the classroom, and I can look at the view of the school building opposite the rail.
We have two separate buildings in the middle, with a LED screen in the middle.
On the balcony of our class, you can see the hallways opposite the classroom.
I used to sit on the balcony and watch a class of seventeen on the third floor across the street, and I was lectured by their teacher.
For a long time, I pulled the stool from the data room, photographed the ash on the chair, sat there and continued to flip.
5
September 20th, 2018.
This afternoon is the rehearsal for the new party.
The roommate volunteered to be a tool for the girls and tried to pull me.
I didn’t want to go. Ben pulled me to the math competition…
But let me think about the roommate. I’ll have 100% chance of seeing my classmates.
That must go.
Fortunately she sings well and doesn’t make me go for nothing.
September 21, 2018…
“The party is here.
We, the movers, are waiting to work backstage.
They’re staring at the lyrics from behind.
Through that transparent window, I saw her shiverly eyelashes.
Red dress, two extra plums.
I can’t keep looking, afraid she’ll find out.
Well, it’s kind of cute when you’re like this.
The show went well, and I was asked if I knew her.
There’s no Queen of her.
Me neither.
Oh, my God! Go to sleep.
I don’t know.
I look at memories and I fall into memories.
He’s supposed to be the guy who helped me with the leme.
Too bad I was too nervous. I don’t understand the courage and bitterness with which he came up.
I did wear a red dress the other day. I forgot what hair.
Fortunately, my friend videotaped me.
The video file is still on the phone.
I pulled out my cell phone and panicked until my finger was pressed by the wrong software. Finally, found that video.
Maybe it’s been a long time. The video is not good.
I’m coming in and pulling me in.
My heart is suspended for an instant, but my expectations cannot stop.
On the screen, a tall, skinny boy in a school uniform backstaged my barley.
We ran off at speed.
The video didn’t record his face.
It is not clear whether it is disappointing or tense, the hot wind begins to blow, the sound of the school is fading, and occasionally one or two students who carry books move around.
And the finger moves with the wind, yet another page, and We breathe deeply and slowly, and continue to read his diary.
September 24th, 2018.
Today is Mid-Autumn Festival.
My mom told me to go shopping at home.
I went to the new supermarket at Moon Cross.
Too many people!
I saw the blankets.
Is her house around here too?
She seems to like chips.
I saw her shopping car full of chips.
Well, Happy Mid-Autumn!
Is that the new moon market?
It’s cheaper than anywhere else. My dad always takes me there to buy food.
And I always throw chips in a shopping car without his attention.
September 25th, 2018.
I have to go to school early today.
I took a bus to school.
My station is called the Moonview West Gate.
Four stops from school, it’s still early.
The car was full of grandmas and uncles. There was no room.
I’ll just hold my hand on the bus.
It’s only one stop past. The kids are getting in the car.
Stand next to me. She’s not holding her handle.
I almost fell. I got her.
Well, bedtime, good night!
Six.
In the library, I was staring at this page.
His home is four stops from school and my home is three stops from school.
My station is called the East Gate of the Moon.
We should all be on the 15th bus.
The terminal of the 15th bus is the first high school in the city.
I had no idea who he was and I wanted to see him more and more.
It’s effaced. I’m on my way back. I’m standing under a familiar bus sign.
With the dark light of the road, the diary was opened again.
November 24th, 2018.
So why did I open the notebook today, and all the main line in the diary is written “The Undercover Students”? I’m sorry.
Am I crazy?
The bus followed her inexplicably.
Try the cucumber chips she likes.
I couldn’t help but get her a holiday present.
Rick, you’re fucked.
November 26th, 2018.
What do you like?
Do you like it?
That’s a good one.
November 27th, 2018.
The grades are out.
On the computer of the Chief of Staff.
You can see the grade ranking.
The office was blocked.
I had my finger crossed the report sheet.
Rico, Year 13…
Lower than I thought.
I keep pulling down.
Gu Shu Bei, grade 1103
Physics: eighteen, chemistry: thirty-two, biology: fifty-five.
Isn’t it a bad science class?
The blood in my bones makes me want to go down and talk to her, and she’s afraid she thinks I’m sick.
Well, how do we break it?
I’m sorry.
In the light of the street, the writings of the paper show stunned me.
A blurry youth shadow to my back appeared in my mind.
I really want to know who he is.
Curiosity, double curiosity.
7
However, his diary also reminds me of the tragic experience of being a scum before the high school arts class.
Before the senior second degree, we took a general test.
I took 18 points in physics.
I can’t forget how I felt when I learned about physics.
I can’t even read grade rankings, and I’m close to the bottom of 1260.
Even though I told them when I was at peace with my classmates, “I got what I deserved when I took the 18th grade, and who lets me go to the chemistry class is always sleepy.” And from junior high, these logical disciplines are my weakness.
I act like I don’t care, but how can I not care?
I don’t want to disappoint my parents.
In that time, I was caught in an extreme contradiction.
I doubt myself and comfort myself.
It’s really hard. And lonely.
I really didn’t think that when I was so pale, a boy looked through my bra.
And he tried to help me in his way.
“The 28th of November, 2018…
The flashcards are all mixed up.
Twenty-four classes rotated to distribute the flashcards to each class.
This is the first big test.
It starts with our class.
I didn’t want to do that.
Finally I went to split.
Twenty-two.
The first big issue of physics actually came up with a formula.
She wrote her answer card for the resolution of every question.
I hope you can see.
Gu Shui.
The old “Boom-Boom-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Bing-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Bing-Boo-Boo-Bing-Bing-Bing-Bing-Bing-Bing-Bing-B
I was obsessed with getting on the 15th bus.
Finally solved the case.
Turns out he’s the one who wrote me in a red pen next to my year-old physical answer card.
His patient resolution and handwriting have been with me every night of the crash because of the test results, and have given me confidence to continue.
I had a deep breath, and there were plenty of empty spaces on the bus, and I sat in the familiar window.
Relying on a weak light and a passing lamp, he continued to look back and the acid in his heart rose a little.
November 29th, 2018 – Snow – Thursday
They say first snow is the best time to show love.
I went through a day’s diary.
Pumpkin.
It’s snowing.
I think I should admit I like you.
I’m sorry.
Turning the diary’s hands is just holding.
My breath stopped, my eyes began to sour.
I’ve always felt that my gray youth, an invisible ponytail, an ordinary face, an occasional gill on my cheeks, and a fat school uniform overshadowed all my light.
I thought no one would like that.
I was humbled throughout my youth.
It turns out someone likes my normal youth.
9
December 7th, 2018 – Snow, Friday
Today’s parents’ meeting.
I saw you snuck up on the fence crying.
Don’t cry.
I’ll write you some details.
You’ll be right next time.
December 24th, 2018 – Snow – Monday
It’s Christmas Eve.
Early morning.
Put an apple on your desk.
I want peace and security for my classmates.
December 25th, 2018 – Snow – Tuesday
Merry Christmas.
Forgive me for not being able to tell you.
December 29th, 2018.
I couldn’t help myself to check out the balcony.
You eat early.
You can actually see me with your head down.
Every time you see it.
“January 1st, 2019…
Pumpkin.
Happy New Year!
Don’t cry alone again in 1919!
10
I sat on the bus and suddenly my heart was touched.
Some are depressed enough to breathe.
I can’t wait to look back.
January 3rd, 2019.
You’re wearing braces.
Don’t be afraid to laugh. It’s not ugly.
Forget it, you can’t see it.
January 15th, 2019.
We met today at the corner of the stairs.
I saw you panic.
Keep your head down and pass your shoulder.
You didn’t notice me.
If you look back.
I’ll find out I’m watching you.
I’m sorry.
As if a few tears were on the diary.
I’m freaking out.
The tears of the face were wiped, but it was found to be innocuous.
“The 18th of January 2019,
It’s our shift week next week.
I applied for an evening study week.
Well, I’ll see you every day next week.
Good night, my classmates.
I passed your class and saw you in the last row.
Keep your head down, like you’re writing a math question.
Seriously, come on.
Tomorrow’s the week.
There’s no chance of sneaking around the back door again.
I can only pretend to pass through your windows as if nothing had happened.
What about you?
Can you see how I like the waves?
January 26th, 2019…
Last week was exam week.
The students were very hard to learn.
It should be good.
Don’t worry too much.
It’s almost winter vacation.
Long days.
I don’t have your contact.
I dare not disturb you.
You shouldn’t be bothered by my like.
January 28th, 2019…
I’m in bed.
Happy childhood.
Happy cold vacation.
“Friday, February 1, 2019.”
It’s been a long time since I saw you.
It’s Lai 27 today.
I took a chance at the supermarket.
Didn’t touch you.
I bought chips.
It’s the smell you like.
February 4th, 2019 – Snow – Monday
It’s New Year’s Eve.
Lights are on fire.
Squeeze a little fireworks and ring the bell of the New Year.
I wish I could tell you that I’m happy.
Happy New Year, son-in-law.
And those who were covered were sixpence, and We looked up at the moon.
Eleven.
“Look out to the eastern gate of the Moon Zone. The passengers who get out of the car, please go inside, and the next stop, “Look at the moon view of the West Gate”.
And I took the notebook, and my tears wet the page, and I wept the diary while crying and dried it up, and made the car panic.
I was crouching under my bus stop sign.
I feel like I saw someone standing here a long time ago waiting for me.
If I look back, I won’t see him like it.
I crouched under a bus, and I turned back on the light from the light at the intersection and from the shop at night.
“February 11, 2019…
School starts today.
Pass your class.
You’re on cold duty.
Ugh! Were you working late the other day?
I’m sorry.
I saw it laughing all of a sudden, tears hanging on my face and a snotble.
I never write my homework well in the summer, I’m always fighting the day before school starts, and then I’m working all night to raise the electricity bill.
If there’s no answer, get a copy of the school.
Now that I’m graduate, I don’t have to spend any more night off work.
12
February 14th, 2019.
I’ve seen a lot of pairs at school lately.
It’s Valentine’s Day.
My friend confessed to his favorite girl.
I wouldn’t dare.
I don’t even have the courage to ask for a QQ.
Day after day, I was crushed to death by the sun that went down the mountain. Can I tell you something?
The school director told me to clean up the books.
I helped class 22.
Oh, your birthday is March 13.
Did you count your birthday?
I’m sorry.
My birthday was on March 13th. It’s supposed to be on my ID. So he’s trying to get my birthday.
February 28th, 2019…
I saw you on the run.
You’re in the last row.
People around are taller than you.
You’re hiding in their midst.
Be safe, don’t wrestle.
I’m sorry.
Well, I don’t like being in the front row. I like being lazy in the last row.
In the last row, there’s a big, tall schoolboy’s cover, and nobody sees me running away from the slogan.
It’s a nice run.
March 13th, 2019…
Happy 16th birthday.
I wish I could tell you one day.
March 20, 20, 2019.
Photos will be published in the first three classes of the Glory List downstairs.
Our class can be too many.
It’s a little hard to get into the first three.
But I still hope one day you’re out of date.
There’s a chance to see me.
So I got in this midterm.
Will you notice me?
I’m sorry.
We have bulletin boards at the bottom of the high school building, and every exam will publish photos and names of good students.
He should be a regular guest of honor.
I think of something. Go to the front and find his name in his diary.
“Lico: 13th grade”
I have a name on the paper, a familiar name.
In vague memories, there was a sudden recollection of a dialogue.
One day Tanga and her friend Tanga passed the school building and went to the Glory List.
Tanga pointed to a man on the list and said, “Wow, look at him, learn so well! He’s handsome.” I’m sorry.
I follow her direction, white and clean boys, with black-glassed glasses, and I look like a good temper.
In the face of a great class.
I was mad at you, but I didn’t think much.
There’s nothing in my heart between a man like this and me.
One of us on the fourth floor, one on the first floor.
The score is almost 1,000.
It is a gap that cannot be bridged.
It’s the distance I can’t imagine.
One book is written in the mind of the face, so it’s remembered.
My heart is beating and my face is burning for no reason, and my tears are rubbed and I look down.
“April 1st, 2019…
Today is Fool’s Day.
The language teacher said a word called “suspicion.”
An ancient husband misses his wife and writes poetry.
The wife misses her husband at home.
Like.
I miss you.
I won’t say I miss you.
But I’ll say you missed me.
Well, you missed me.
April 8th, 2019…
There seems to be a sporting event in early May.
Art teachers will pick a lot of people to prepare for the opening ceremony.
I saw you were chosen to dance.
Don’t stop eating because you want to dance.
You have rehearsals every afternoon at dinner.
Remember to eat.
The opening ceremony will be for flag-bearers.
You can rehearse with you every afternoon.
I hesitated to sign up three or five times.
See you tomorrow afternoon.
I’m in bed.
You dance nicely.
Just staring at you.
I accidentally stepped on the front man.
April 28th, 2019.
The opening ceremony was advanced.
I’m wearing a uniform.
The guys in front say I’m hot.
I don’t know if you noticed me.
I see you.
You’re wearing makeup.
Put on the show dress.
It’s beautiful, how bright you are.
I moved right next to you, and you whispered to your classmates, which class was the highest?
I told you that day.
Fortunately, you usually talk to your classmates about my existence, and in the process of getting better, the crowds push me to you.
The best in high school is Leco, the highest is Leco, and the best is Leco.
“Twenty-ninth of April 2019.
Today is the Games.
I remember when I went to the teacher’s office.
You didn’t sign up.
Why did you suddenly go to the relay?
I saw you in our tent.
I borrowed a camera.
Pretend the photographer’s done with you.
Forgive me for not being like everyone else.
Let’s go out with you.
Only pretend to take pictures.
13
The tears I had just polished came out again in this instant, and I couldn’t stop crying.
It’s him again.
In that hot midday, the geled runway smelled like it was in the sun, and I had a number on my chest.
I didn’t sign up for sports since I was a kid, and it turned out there was a girl’s foot in the class that day, and I had to go to the rescue.
I’m so sad to prepare for the track.
I ran with a bang, and I felt like I was dying, and when I ran, I felt like I couldn’t see anything else, except the track in front of me and the wind in my ears.
I couldn’t stand to get in the middle. I heard a man say, “Come on.”
It’s like being close.
I ate my teeth and finally washed through.
I think he was the one who heard it in his ear!
I covered my face with my hands and wiped away my tears.
And a man was with me for such a long time that he was not afraid of the wind and the rain and the fire.
June 1st, 2019.
Gu Xuan Bei.
Happy Children’s Day!
June 4th, 2019.
Today’s senior student was liberated.
Tore books upstairs.
The drumbs are floating in the air.
I grabbed one. It was their youth. What about us?
The headmaster scolded him.
Looks like they graduated in a blink.
Aren’t we three years, too soon.
It’s almost over without real knowledge.
Life is a way to reduce one’s face.
I’ve seen you many times. You haven’t seen me. Only I know you.
I’m the only one on the whole memoir.
I’d love to read it to you.
I strangled in the corner, closed my eyes, rubbed marks on paper with fine fingers.
Li, I heard you like it.
June 19, 2019…
I met you on the street.
I used to wear your uniform.
Well, it’s all pretty.
You go to the bookstore, I go to the bookstore.
I wish I knew you earlier.
14
That’s the Washington House on Conan Street.
The house was just across from my junior high.
The place was small, but the boss was handsome and juicy, and we’d all sneak up in the bookstore.
His wife was also very well-tempered and gentle, and two people were very well suited.
Even in high school, I’m still tired of taking the 15th bus to 12 stops to buy books.
In high school, every weekend I ran to Conan Street for a book.
Every time I buy a copy of Ming Dynasty.
Because one is unaffordable.
So we’ll buy it on a weekly basis.
So I bought out a whole set of nine books intermittently.
Now it’s on my bookshelf.
July 22nd, 2019.
Today’s final exam.
I lent you all my luck.
I’m sure you’ll get a good class test.
Don’t be afraid.
July 26th, 2019.
Recently, you’ve been practicing.
Now look back to the old diary.
It’s a scribble!
“Chu Shaolin”
I’m sorry.
My name is written in the diary, and it’s strong.
No attempt to turn to the back of the diary.
A whole page of my name.
Large or small or even pen or end.
I look up to the moon, and I stare.
The moon was crying with me.
August 20, 20, 20, 20, 1919.
See you on the Glory List.
I shot it on camera.
But I don’t want you to be so glorious, happy and safe every day.
This page of the diary contains a photograph.
I got it.
It’s my photo on the Glory List.
Because the glass is still a little blurry.
It says on the back.
“On August 20, 1919, for the first time ever, the students of his son were on the list of honor. I’m sorry.
I was laughing in my mouth.
I was told that there was no way to hide a smile, that modesty was a lie, and that only people who often do.
People like me, who have not seen the world for 800 years, are truly proud to be on a list of honors for those who have been so lucky.
My joy can be felt in pictures.
I grabbed that picture.
And when I smiled, I cried.
He never missed every important moment of my youth.
He tried his best to find me, find me, and me?
Any pedestrians who care to walk by? Did you find out he liked it?
15
August 23rd, 2019…
It’s New Year’s training.
I remember you when I wrote the math.
That afternoon.
Singing from the crowd.
At the time, all classes were going to sing the country song contest.
Our class recently picked the tracks.
The class teacher made me read.
I declined with euphemism.
I’m more internal.
Our school has always been very active, and every second year of high school has been a very big event.
Both the classroom directors and the headmasters attached importance to them.
Once again, I took advantage of my position.
Look at your class’s show.
Your class finally chose “The Night of the War.”
You don’t read and lead.
It’s okay.
Of all the people.
I can find you at once.
I’m sorry.
Our class ended up with this song because it was a humanities class and the boys were too few to sing that big song.
Those days appeared unexpectedly in my mind.
September 15th, 2019.
All classes are lined up.
I finally saw you.
But why.
Singing contest.
You’re gonna dance around?
I’m sorry.
The tears on my face were still dry, and I laughed at the light.
When I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing, I sing,
In that singing contest, there was a little bit of the song in our class, just a little dance.
I ended up dancing with a bad day.
I’ve been out for less than 30 or 40 seconds for five or six minutes.
I didn’t think he noticed.
September 27, 2019.
Today’s official performance.
Backstage.
We all wear uniforms.
I see you.
You’re wearing ballet shoes.
Blue dress.
The hair is in it.
He had makeup on his face.
There’s something shining in your eyes.
When you jump backstage.
Do you feel my sight?
The show went well.
I ran to the audience.
I took a picture of you. I’m on time.
After the show, after school, it suddenly rained.
I saw you under the bus with no umbrella.
I just feel blood in the brain.
Go to you. Take off your uniform.
Hold on to your hand and stand next to you.
But you have no courage.
I’m sorry.
16
“Don’t be sorry, Rick. I’m sorry.
I was shaking my head, crying, saying his name, “Don’t be sorry.”
I remember the boy who was in the rain with me that day, and the sense of security on the other side of me that day.
I always remember.
I can’t swallow it.
The tight string was drawn again.
October 10th, 2019.
Long time no see.
Make yourself busy.
I thought of you in the dark.
Pumpkin.
I’m gonna take you.
When did you start taking over my whole youth?
Always trying to write something.
Words don’t fit.
What am I gonna tell you?
In what capacity?
November 1st, 2019.
A schoolgirl put a love letter on my desk today.
She’s brave in my head.
You can show your heart to someone you like.
I wouldn’t dare.
The teacher has long forgotten to take his diary.
Turn the diary in between.
So much already written.
What about you? Will you ever know?
November 15th, 2019.
I think sometimes.
I’m used to it.
Get used to looking across the hall on the 4th floor balcony without you.
I’m used to walking through your windows.
I’m used to looking for you at the moon stop.
Get used to school to see if there’s any back of you around.
Used to record every moment of your life with a camera.
I’m used to hearing your name.
Get used to like you…
This is what I’m gonna tell you.
I can’t help it anymore, I’m crouching in the street lights and crying, and I suddenly feel like this, and I’m never going to meet this guy again.
Why didn’t you tell me earlier?
Why didn’t you find out earlier?
Every moment we meet.
November 22nd, 2019 – Snow Friday
Today is the first snow in 2019.
The first snow show last year.
I admit in my diary I like you.
The first snow show this year.
I still like you.
School winter off the field.
I’ve always been reluctant to take part in such events.
I signed up this time.
I don’t know why.
Maybe…
I still want you to notice me.
So isn’t it…
In every moment you like.
I’m becoming a better me.
17
I remember that winter off the field.
It’s just that I just got cold and didn’t see it.
Stay in the classroom.
Tanga says the champions are on the same team.
Half-dreams can hear you talking about how people can learn good sports and be so handsome.
I was still thinking, “No such person, no international joke.”
Half a day, it’s Rico again.
He’s been using his little way to make an impression on me.
The sweetness after the sourness gives me a bit of help.
I slowly moved on to my diary.
December 2, 2019…
To winter camp.
You have to be good at school.
Remember breakfast when you’re up late.
Don’t sit in the classroom and don’t eat in the afternoon.
I don’t know.
But, write more.
You can’t see either.
December 25th, 2019 – Snow – Wednesday
Pumpkin.
Merry Christmas!
I wish I could tell you one day.
“202020 January 23rd – Sun – Thursday”
Suddenly I woke up.
Cases have been reported throughout the country.
We have suspected cases in our province.
News on the Internet.
Some people say it’s no big deal.
I think it’s a lot like that.
Maybe more serious.
Be careful.
January 24th, 2020 – Sun – Friday
It’s New Year’s Eve.
All families went out to hoard in masks.
I waited a long time at the supermarket.
Didn’t see you.
It’s all right, it’s safe at home.
January 25th, 2020…
Although this year’s passing suddenly happened.
Still have to be happy.
Don’t sneak up at night.
Pumpkin.
Happy New Year!
I’m sorry.
I looked at the diary and went back to the time of the outbreak.
At the beginning of the year, most people did not take it seriously and were actually able to get it on some of the video sites in early January, and people started panicking when the outbreak broke out.
It was like a war.
Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.
Every day, I dare to turn on my phone to see the epidemic map.
In the early hours of January 23, 2000 – Wuhan Seal.
This is followed by the home policy of the people of the country.
We stand united and stay at home.
To cooperate with the national epidemic.
The whole country was like a pause button.
But in the days of the epidemic, where love and warmth were on the show every day, we were all warm and we were all looking forward to the day when the epidemic ended.
Now think again, like a world apart.
It’s been so long.
“202020 February 3rd – Sun – Monday”
Because of the epidemic.
The start of school today was delayed.
The schools in the back decided to go online.
Full-grade language with English.
I found your name in over a thousand people.
Sometimes it’s annoying.
Why not a class with you.
At least one course on the Internet.
Still with you.
It’s like it’s been too long.
You won’t forget my look.
“Friday, March 13, 2020.”
Pumpkin.
Happy 17th birthday.
March 20th, 2020.
The epidemic is much better.
I’m going to go shopping on the street today.
I met you at the bookstore.
The space is stale.
Only three rows of bookshelves.
Two aisles.
We’re facing a bookcase.
In the gap between the books.
You can see your face.
You’re picking rolls.
Seems a little shaky.
I picked one for you.
I don’t know what to tell you.
Pulled out the book in front of you and ran to settle the bill.
You see, I bought this, too.
Relax.
This is the right stage for you right now.
I’ll see you when I’m done with the book.
Like a lot of times.
Like real obstruction and long.
May 5th, 2020.
Today’s evening self-study director shows movies in the classroom.
I was standing in the hallway, leaning against the railing, and this angle just saw you crying on the balcony.
Did someone bully you?
No math questions?
Sometimes I feel like I’m guessing.
It’s harder than the last question in math.
The question remains open.
Very troubled, very upset.
I folded my draft into a paper plane and flew out in your direction.
I went back to the classroom and I was afraid that the wind would not blow my liking to you.
Maybe you found the plane, didn’t you?
I got it, Miss Le, the paper plane I flew over was caught in my hand.
Look, I caught you like that.
Old notebooks, simple words, describe me over and over again, say me, like me.
June 1st, 2020.
Gu Xuan Bei.
Happy Children’s Day!
June 7th, 2020 – Cloudy – Sunday
It was delayed until July because of the epidemic.
I don’t know when the epidemic will end.
This semester’s gym class for our two classes at a time.
I often see you sleeping on the lawn.
You can watch it when you play.
They said I was distracted.
Play on the field this afternoon.
I saw you hanging out on the field.
I don’t know if you’ll see me.
Although so many basketball players.
See you coming.
I never dared to look at you again.
I’ll find you when I get there.
Didn’t see you.
I’m actually a little lost.
June 30th, 2020 – Sun – Tuesday
I’m running a flea market.
Teaching square people.
I didn’t go down to look.
But I saw you on the balcony.
Every time it’s crowded.
Search your body unconsciously.
Sometimes I feel sick.
People passing around will be surprised to see me.
And then slowly back away.
Maybe they don’t understand either.
Why did you end up this night?
This is everybody’s party night.
18
I’m under a bus in a school uniform.
Cry till it’s dark.
I cried for a while, and I took the notebook and stood up and went home crying.
I went from primary school to high school’s shade, and I was silent, as if even the wind didn’t want to talk.
Be silent, except the moon with tears.
Back home, my father looked at me with surprise, and my mother smelled out of the kitchen, carrying a dishwasher and an apron.
They didn’t ask me what happened.
Just watch me cry back to my bedroom.
It was just as quiet as they had been since they had been a child into countless days of collapse, and then put a hot glass of milk on the table.
I sat in my bedroom, and the diary was spread over the table.
I didn’t even have the courage to turn it around again.
I’m like a late general, looking at the wreckage, but I can’t do anything.
What do we do?
What do I do?
We’ve graduated.
Is it possible that he and I are no longer in contact?
I don’t know.
19
July 7th, 2020…
Today’s the test.
Next year will be us.
Are you afraid?
I did this year’s test.
And sometimes it’s a bit of a shock.
A lot of things you can’t decide.
It’s my life.
It’s not me who’s in charge.
Sometimes I wonder.
Why is this big city?
The corner is not gonna meet you.
“The 20th of August, 2020…
Today is a rare opportunity to breathe from outside.
Talk to a friend.
He said he had someone he liked.
He says I don’t know how he feels.
I said I understand.
He was shocked.
He said I hid too deep.
Usually I can only see what I’m writing down, except to walk out the hallway and look out the window, and even to play ball, just for a fixed time.
I didn’t explain.
I am a coward myself.
I love you too much.
How many times do you want to stop?
Like it’s all in the light.
Inside the bulge.
Only on paper.
20
My headphones are in the third person’s name, where singers buy chili and issue tickets:
For the third person.
And understand the truth.
Everyone has a flaw.
I can’t feel it.
Whatever.
Natural behavior.
I don’t know.
I just feel faint, my hands cross, and I drop cold liquid on my back.
The stinging pain makes me completely unaware of what I’m going to do, except to flip the diary without interruption.
“2020, September 20th, 2020…
We’re in third grade.
Classes have recently put up the countdown sign for high school exams.
There are countdowns on the monitor upstairs.
“We’ve got 260 days left until the 21st grade.”
I look a little confused.
Two hundred and sixty days later.
We’re not gonna see each other again.
It’s time to review.
I’ll see you in a minute.
21
That’s when our class also had a high-end countdown sign and changed the number by the number.
The sign is right next to the blackboard.
You can see it every day.
Every time I see it, it feels like I can’t breathe.
It’s like that brand weighs a thousand pounds.
Every day, I look up from the sea.
There’s a replica of the numbers that look at the signs.
The only thing I could remember that day was to do.
Unfinished error books, uncompleted tests.
The red pen and the black pen intersect in my youth.
Leave a mark.
I used to talk to Tanga.
I said TV shows and movies and novels are full of lies.
My high school had no handsome table, no truncated abortion to smoke, and no night drive me on the highway. Of course, that big love didn’t come to me.
All I’ve come across in the morning is an endless class, struggling to get up from my bed, eating for the sake of free-time washing, losing my full hair and my full black eyelids, living every day in a fear of failure.
That’s my youth now.
Sometimes it will be difficult to remember when you mock yourself in this peaceful youth, because it is so ordinary.
There’s a light on the table and I’m sitting there.
One page after another.
Sobbing filled the night.
22
October 30th, 2020.
You’re not busy lately.
Long time no see on the balcony.
Today, schools issue targeted university statistics forms.
I used my position to see you again.
Gu Shui.
Target university: c
I admit it.
It’s that evening.
I didn’t write a word in it.
My life does not allow me to decide.
Ridiculous.
I’m sorry.
Seeing some memories here is suddenly remembered.
Next story I know.
I can’t remember.
Liquor gave it away on that winter break.
And I’m gonna be big.
18,000 miles from there.
In my time line, Rick is just a distant and bright man, and we’re like two parallel lines on math.
No interference.
I lay down on the table and I let tears drown.
We’ve missed it.
I don’t want to see it anymore.
I put the diary together and hid it in the drawer.
Turn off the light and cover your head with a blanket.
Let’s cry.
23
After that, the diary was in my drawer.
I watch the 15th drive sometimes for a long time.
I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to do this.
Just wait like that for the day when the finals come out.
My senior grades are always up and down.
I cried to my dad on the phone a million times, desperately.
What if I fail?
My dad says.
As long as you’re healthy.
Then he struggled to continue his studies.
That’s why I told my dad after the exams, if we don’t make it, let’s take it.
My father was staring at his colleagues’ bombarding questions in the lead-up to the examination.
The day the results came out, it was a beautiful afternoon.
12 noon.
My dad came home in a hurry and he walked into my room for a second.
My grades are refreshed.
I cried loudly when I saw my grades.
I cried at the computer table and I called me in.
The scores are good. They’re the best.
Mom and Dad are all around.
Always hard-working dads are sneezing tears.
My mom’s eyes are wet too.
It is a battle by a group of people who slowly weep and never dare to stop and turn back and feel free.
I was paralyzed in a chair and I felt exhausted.
The table also contains a pile of high-level materials and books.
I can’t even sell before I get my grades.
The worst intentions are already in mind.
After a few days, my dad and I sorted out all the books from my high school for three years and filled them with trunks and rear row seats.
I was in my dad’s car when I drove to the junkyard.
This car witnessed three years of high school, three years of spring, autumn and summer, and the night of snow and snow when I cried, and the joy of holding my first prize and of my youth.
The owner of the junkyard said it was important.
I’m stuck.
On the way back, I was holding the $186 for a dime, and the way was flying.
My youth is worth $186 a cent.
The nose is sour.
The next story we all share.
You can’t even park a car in front of the sun.
Calling universities and colleges, they dared to fill out their volunteer service.
Learn to dress up and dress and party.
We’re going to dress up and take a photo.
The tea shop owner smiled and congratulated me.
But there are things you don’t forget without thinking about.
They’ll come in one night and take away your tears and all your emotions and ask why you can’t be braver.
The wound is swollen, but the scar is left.
24
It’s finally starting.
I was separated, and my mom was silently packing for me.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a mom and dad.
But I can guess.
The next morning train ticket.
At night, I crouched in the trunk and thought about what else was missing.
My mother told me at the door of the bedroom I had to take everything I needed.
I pulled the drawer and looked for anything I forgot.
I saw the notebook.
I took care of it.
I turned it up.
“202020 November 23rd – Sun – Monday”
One hundred and ninety-six days.
I’m a classmate.
The first snowfall this year.
You know what I’m gonna say, right?
Pumpkin.
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
Intermittent journals, it can be seen that they were not written on the same day.
February 4th, 2021 – Snow – Thursday
I remember a story.
In New Words.
Semaji asked where Sima Zhao Sun and Changan are.
Semashimoto says the sun is far away.
But then Smiley asked.
Semacho said long and long.
Ask him why.
He said.
I’ll see you soon.
Pumpkin.
I’ll see you soon.
I’ll see you soon.
Let’s see.
Not seeing you.
“Friday, February 12, 2021.
Pumpkin.
Happy New Year!
March 13th, 2021…
Pumpkin.
Happy 18th birthday.
May 5th, 2021…
Today’s graduation photo, we can finally take a good look at you.
You’re pretty. A lot of people are taking pictures of you.
I’m not far away from you with my camera.
I asked other classmates to take my picture.
You’re half, I’m half.
I’m sorry.
This is our photo.
I picked up the picture in the diary and the boy looked at my side like he liked it.
I keep looking down.
“There were a lot of pictures of you on the camera that day, all in this two-dimensional code.
I hope you can see what I see in you, every moment, and for me, you’re glowing and you like to cover everything. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I used my phone to sweep the two-dimensional code in my diary in tears.
The video begins: a boy who stands in the shadows, with a strong back and ordinary black pants in white, smells different to him.
A few seconds later, he opened his mouth and the cold sound hit my ear.
“Are you ready? I’m sorry.
When the voice drops, when I can’t stand under the banner, when I go to class and sleep, when I’m busy eating breakfast, when I rush to the cafeteria…
130 MB XIV KB, a calculated number, is his entire youth.
The video ended with a long pause in our photo that wasn’t a photo.
I feel like I’m being pulled in the heart and I’m being pulled up and I can’t move.
It’s so sad, it’s silent.
“June 6th, 2021, clear, Sunday.”
We’re setting up the exam in the afternoon.
We’re taking everything home in the morning.
There are not many people in the school anymore.
I’m still here.
I saw you walk away from the school door with the covers.
Your back is getting further away from me.
I’ll just stand there.
Good to tell you.
I actually saw you for the first time.
My heart’s getting out of hand.
Pumpkin.
The last piece of the diary was written.
This is where my youth ends.
Last time.
I want to be brave.
I put my diary on your book.
If you can see one day.
If you want.
Can call me.
Whenever I’m in.
Rico: “155,603”
I feel like I can’t stand and hold my bed. I can’t stop shaking.
Why don’t you finish it earlier?
Why didn’t you be brave?
He walked a hundred steps, and I didn’t see it.
On the ground, I feel that the tears that have dried up my face are coming out again, and that the heart is in pain.
I was in the diaries with my hands, and I lost my telephone number one by one in a tremor. I was late in my absence as the whole of Leco’s youth was trapped, and We planted a great tree in his youth for three years and five years.
I’m sorry, I’m really sorry…
One second, two seconds of a tremor.
The phone’s ringing, the air’s suffocating, and I’m afraid it’s fake.
And I was like, “Liko.” I’m sorry.
The phone was silent for a long time.
Tears between, I hear.
“Students, I’m here. I’m sorry.
— completion of the text —
Theatrical:
It was 11:30 p.m.
I called.
“Students, I’m here. I’m sorry.
I heard his voice. I cried more.
I can’t say what I want to say.
There’s something to say.
He went b big.
And I’m about to leave far away c big.
Our story should not have ended.
Just like my youth, I always regret the loss and gain.
I actually figured out why he finally chose to show me his diary, and he certainly didn’t want to make himself a burden, so he gave me the decision.
Instead of letting the story end like this, he gave it to me, giving it a possibility to hide in the notebook.
The number is right there.
And I chose to shiver and dial the phone.
We’re both cowards.
But you can’t be a coward in love.
We all want to be warriors, in a true and all-failed story, to wave the sword and seek our own roses with thorns.
He stood in front of you with the moon.
Why would I push away?
I breathed deeply, slowly opened my mouth.
“Hello, Leco. May I have a chance to get to know you again? I’m sorry.
I’m talking about swallowing again.
The low-pitched man on the phone opened his mouth.
“Hello, Miss Gu. I’m Lekot. It’s an honor to meet you. I’m sorry.
I feel so embarrassed.
I’ve been crying all the time, trying to stop crying.
“I’m downstairs, even though I’m not sure if you’d like to come downstairs. I’m sorry.
I ran to the window.
A tall, skinny figure standing under a bus stop.
Like a long time ago, he was there looking at me or not.
I fell down the stairs against him.
He saw me laughing.
It’s clear. It’s probably a little anxious. It’s a little messy.
This time it’s no longer a one-to-four-story vision.
No more than a thousand miles away.
It’s no longer the back of the slant.
It’s no longer a corridor for an inadvertent glimpse.
It’s no longer the wrong picture from the graduation photo.
It’s no longer paint on the flashcard.
It’s no longer a pain in the shoulder.
It’s no longer the face of a gap in the bookcase.
It’s not a school uniform under a bus stop.
It’s no longer a journal code.
The hot summer evening winds blow up the skirts of the young girl and draw the horns of the young man’s shirt.
The moon has finally closed its eyes with satisfaction, and the stars next to it seem to be blowing the horn to celebrate.
“Penzi, this time, can you tell me your QQueen? I’m sorry.
I cried a little, and I couldn’t help hearing him say that, but I was really happy.
OKAY NOT MISSED.
I smiled worse than crying, and my mouth was up, but my eyes couldn’t resist tears.
The wind brought my words to his ear.
“It is a great honor. I’m sorry.
— Over — Record number: YX11nRJYxxy
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
