I lived at Zhou’s house at 14, but I never called him brother.
Until Fontaine appeared as a “sister-in-law” and she broke my bell orchids and insulted me and many boys and tried everything to get me out of here.
My father beat me with a coat hanger in a frenzy: “Bitch! I’m sorry.
My mother was busy with her brother: “Be good, don’t learn from your sister. I’m sorry.
Zhou Zawakawa looked at me with a near-disappointing look.
Then I went to the mountains and died on a rainy night to save people.
I texted him before he died.
Brother…
“Good luck to you. I’m sorry.
It’s my first time calling him brother.
One.
Night, heavy rain.
The mountains were muddy, and I ran all the way to the bathroom with my unconscious two.
I was running and I was screaming in his ear: “Dude, next time I run away from home, I’ll beat your ass.” I’m sorry.
At 1:00 a.m. the bathroom lights were lit.
Strangely, the doctors and nurses look at me with a scary look.
We explained to them: “I am a teacher, and the student is in the rain and has a fever. I’m sorry.
The nurse’s hands are shaking: “You, you, you…”
I rubbed my face, and I suddenly found that there was something that was running out of my eye and my nose.
The baptism of the rain is getting worse.
My classmates came running screaming, screaming, “Moose, are you all right? Somebody help her! Help her!
And I looked, and said, “It’s nothing, it was a stone. I’m sorry.
I was hit by a rock falling off a cliff on the way to find a double.
Ten minutes into a coma, I woke up again with a miracle.
I thought I was okay.
There’s no way a patient like me can run and jump.
I walked a few steps forward and saw a reflection of the wall.
A wet woman’s jeans were stains, and the blue shorts were red.
The rain was pouring out of the window and the shadows were shaking.
I had a heart attack, my legs were so soft, and all my organs were like instant failure.
A few people took me to the operating bed and the doctor was shaking his head.
“Call her parents. I’m sorry.
I grabbed the nurse’s hand and woke up. I’m sorry.
I suddenly realized.
I might die.
A group of people surrounded my bed with a strange face, with compassion in their eyes.
I suddenly wanted to miss Zhou Sawakawa.
Actually, I always miss him, at dinner, at running, at sleep.
It is only at this time that such thoughts have reached their full peak and can no longer be suppressed.
I ran out of bed and I was numb.
Zhang came crying to help me: “Stop moving, you’ll die! I’m sorry.
I wanted to find Zhou Zawagawa, but I thought it was 2,000 kilometers from him.
The train’s too slow to get past security.
I held the handle, tried to video him, and I was afraid I’d scare him.
Oh, yeah, he’s getting married to Fontaine.
If I see blood, it’s not good luck.
Finally, I sent only two messages.
Brother…
“Good luck to you. I’m sorry.
It’s my first time calling him brother.
A moment later, a red exclamation mark appeared in front of me.
I suddenly wept.
My throat hurts and itches, and I hold a dream hand.
“Can you help me find a man named Zhou Sawakawa…”
Two.
Zhou Zawagawa.
The first time I wrote these three words in my diary, 13 years old, was the night he got in front of me and got three whips from my father.
My dad was a rural-born businessman. He never liked me. He thought I was a loser.
After my brother showed up, he and my mother were all focused on the little boy.
It’s too big to buy his son’s house in the future.
They are all well planned.
Me alone, not in their plan.
I wore old clothes I picked up from my relatives, and I didn’t make them angry, and I couldn’t even buy them from the first tide.
Even so, my dad is still angry.
He’ll kick me in the leg when I eat, and he’ll yell at me.
Or, when there are guests, shamed.
“Women do what they say. I’m sorry.
“I’m so good to her that ancient women can’t eat at the table. I’m sorry.
He asked me to wash dishes, cook, wash the clothes of the family.
As soon as I resisted, he pulled my pants, took my belt out and hit me hard.
The door was open and the passers-by stood at the door.
I’m crying in their talk.
Zhou Zawagawa just went to college and rented a house next to my house.
18-year-old boy, bright and handsome, like the sun in the spring.
He took his coat off and put it on me and held my dad’s up hand: “Uncle, she’s your daughter. I’m sorry.
And the latter said, ‘My daughter, I will fight as I please!’ I’m sorry.
Zhouzawakawa’s eyes are getting cold: “Do you know that domestic violence is illegal?” I’m sorry.
“Oh, yeah? My dad’s got a red face, “I’m scared. I’m sorry.
“It’s none of your business! I’m sorry.
The next second, he pushed Zhou Zawagawa and put up his belt and threw it all over me.
I was unconsciously closing my eyes, but I didn’t see the pain.
Zhou Zawakawa stood in front of me and got three whips from my father.
The hand on the piano showed blood.
He’s not wrinkled, and he’s a cold face to the door: “Are they all on tape?” I’m sorry.
It’s on tape. I’m sorry.
“Put him in jail! I’m sorry.
“How can you beat people up?”
My dad suddenly lost his mind, whispering that he was drunk and didn’t know anything.
I looked at Zhouzawakawa’s red hand: “Does it hurt?” I’m sorry.
And he looked, and his voice was low and gentle: “Son, it is time to call out my brother.” I’m sorry.
And We looked up at him: “I have no brother. I’m sorry.
I don’t understand why he always wanted to be my brother.
3
I don’t have a brother, but I have a two-year-old brother.
He’s so fat and cute, my mom hugged him and protected me like a thief.
One day during the summer, she went to the bathroom and his brother cried.
My mother opened the door and slapped me.
“Moose, he’s your own brother. Why did you hit him? I’m sorry.
When she yells at me, I’m scared, and I lose consciousness.
My brother’s on the door and he’s got a red head.
“I didn’t hit him, I didn’t hit him.” I’m sorry.
That night, my dad smashed my back with a bottle.
“You son of a bitch delayed me and Wang drinking. I’m sorry.
“Get on your knees outside the door and look at your heart. I’m sorry.
“Don’t let her eat these two days, even my baby son dares to fight. I’m sorry.
The king of his mouth came to my house.
A 50-year-old man with a big belly, staring at me.
“Ah, Moe, I’m not saying you. Girls can’t do this. I’m sorry.
He leaned over and pulled me with his finger on my hand.
I threw his hand away and kneeled at the door without a word.
Later, the lights were dark in the living room.
My mother took her brother to bed with her: “Honey, come over here. The son will call her mother today. I’m sorry.
I was kneeling outside, all cold.
People are walking around.
“The girl probably made another mistake. I’m sorry.
“Listen to her parents. It’s like she’s a heart and heart. I’m sorry.
“That’s why we should clean up, otherwise there will be no law.” I’m sorry.
I’m so numb to those words.
I thought I’d be mocked when the steps were ringing in the hall.
But no.
Someone came to me and stopped.
I looked up to a dark eye.
Zhou Zawagawa has a black bag with lips: “Sister, your parents are crazy again. I’m sorry.
I leaned my head, my back was straight and I didn’t talk to him.
But I’m embarrassed by the groans that keep coming out of my stomach.
He brought me a hot potato from his bag.
I’d like to have a bit of a boner, but my hands didn’t react.
Zhou Zawagawa opened the door, waking, he hesitated and looked at me again.
Half of it, he’s holding it: “No, I see it. I’m sorry.
He just answered the phone and waved at me: “Come in and eat something.” I’m sorry.
“You…”
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
“You look like a human dealer on TV. I’m sorry.
The air was quiet for a few seconds.
“No wonder you’re messing with the girl, girl, how old are you?” I’m sorry.
I said, “13. I’m sorry.
A moment later, the opposite side spits on Zhou Zawagawa, saying, “The beast.” I’m sorry.
“…”
Zhou Zawakawa smiled softly and was not angry.
He smiles nicely, not like all the boys I’ve seen.
Maybe because he used to whip me, I suddenly had less protection.
Then unconsciously noticed everything about him.
4
Zhou Sawakawa likes to play an instrument called the piano.
I went to his house to listen to him play the piano.
I don’t know why the black and white keys sound so good.
I said to him, “I want to learn.” I’m sorry.
He said, “You are better at being an audience.” I’m sorry.
I was angry and he handed me the new snack.
“Only an audience can enjoy it. I’m sorry.
I went out from his house with snacks and I didn’t expect to see my dad outside the door.
He had a dark face and he couldn’t understand it: “Do you know that? I’m sorry.
Zhou Zawagawa followed him: “Uncle, I asked Sissy to help. I’m sorry.
My father smiled, and accidentally he didn’t lose his temper: “It’s okay, tell her to come home and eat. I’m sorry.
After closing the door, he kicked me in the back.
White-Eye Wolf. I’m sorry.
My mother threw all the snacks in the trash.
Zhou Zawagawa’s piano recipe in the bag.
I suddenly realized that there was no piano in my world.
So when Zhou Zawagawa asked me to be an audience again, I turned him down.
“What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
We said, “You’re not very good at it. I’m sorry.
Turn around and I cried.
I haven’t seen him since.
Because my brother’s sick, I need to stay home all day and help my mom with some errands.
I was scared of thunder, so loud, like my father was yelling.
On a thunderstorming night, the news aired typhoon weather, calling for everyone to stay at home.
But my brother ran out of pills and my mom asked me to buy them.
She’s got me an umbrella. Let me keep the medicine safe. Don’t get wet.
I didn’t get to the door of the pharmacy, but I saw a fight in the alley.
It’s Zhou Zawagawa.
He took his coat off, rain wetted his shirt and exposed his thin body curve.
Until then, he was in my heart as a student.
I never thought he could be so handsome in a fight.
About four or five men, eight feet or more, could knock me out with a fist.
I don’t know what’s going on. When I saw someone take a knife and try to sneak up on him without Zhou’s attention.
I jumped on that guy’s back and bit him in the ear.
Moose! I’m sorry.
Zhou Sawakawa’s voice of fear came from behind.
I didn’t react, and I got dumped on the ground.
I woke up at the hospital.
Since then, Zhou has been better for me.
He’s always touching my head, and he’s worried it’ll break my head.
He doesn’t know. It’s been a long time since I went to school.
And my parents, they didn’t care about my grades, and they wouldn’t even pay my tuition if the late grandmother didn’t ask for it.
Often locked up at home, and the only friends I had had had less.
I’m hiding in the bathroom and I’m thinking about washing my clothes.
My life shouldn’t be like this.
5
I’ve always remembered this fall.
My parents didn’t like my daughter, and in their opinion, she was born for someone else and only her son was.
My mom didn’t work, she stayed home to take care of my brother, and my dad’s business went down.
My 14th birthday night, my dad went off to buy me a big cake.
My mother took my brother out, and there was only me, my dad, and a friend he brought with him — the boss who drank with him.
I’ve never had a birthday since I was conscious.
That night I felt weird and didn’t sleep.
At night, the door opened.
The king always comes to my bed with his tummy: “Sze, your father sent me, you stay still.” I’m sorry.
“Do you like a nice dress?” he said with a disgusting voice. Uncle buys for you. This nightgown doesn’t fit. Take it off. I’m sorry.
He thought I wouldn’t resist.
Until I took the scissors from the wake-up cabinet and stabbed him in the neck.
The screams led my dad over.
He slaps me in the face and the tears in my eyes.
He doesn’t see any pain in my heart: “Can you understand something?” I’m sorry.
I understand that he must have traded me and Wang for something.
“Dad, can I eat something?” I’m sorry.
He finally felt guilty and took me to eat the rest of the cake in the living room.
When they didn’t notice, I opened the door and got out.
Head for the police station.
Zhou told me about the police.
He said you have to learn to fight, no one has the right to hit you.
My father and Wang are fat enough to chase me for a long time.
Later, the police took me home.
My dad smiled and said, “It’s all a misunderstanding, kid. I’m sorry.
“I’m her father. I’ll protect her. I’m sorry.
I watched the police come in despair and then I left.
Of course my dad won’t let me get away with this.
He grabbed me in the ear, locked me out of the door, told me to get the fuck out of here.
We were wearing a thin pyjamas, and We knocked on Zhou Zawakawa’s door.
“Can you take me in for a while? I’m sorry.
“I can write a debt note and not spend your money in vain…”
I’m saying it’s a little stale.
“I’ll get a job after college, and I’ll pay you a lot of money.”
I don’t know what the university looks like, but I heard the teachers say it’s the only way to make a difference.
I thought Zhou Zawagawa would close that door with a bang.
Until he leaned over, the voice was as gentle as ever.
“Sister. I’m sorry.
“Do you still listen to the piano?”
He has deep eyes, like a deep ocean.
Six.
I never thought I’d live with a five-year-old.
He’s probably never been with a girl. There’s only 43 yards of shoes, a bedroom, a piano room.
I wrote a lot of debits, all in an iron box.
I thought one day I’d pay back all the money.
Fortunately, my parents never called me after I left.
It’s like they never gave birth to my daughter.
Zhou Zawagawa’s house was clean, I was doing housework, washing his clothes, washing his shoes, hoping he wouldn’t kick me out.
I went back to school.
It’s Zhou Zawagawa’s new term.
“Don’t you have a brother?” Who is this handsome guy?”
“He is…”
And suddenly I choked and looked at her, “Whatever you want.” I’m sorry.
Who is Zhou Zawakawa?
I don’t even get it.
All I know is if I could live with him all the time.
7
There was a girl next to Zhou Zawagawa, and his parents naturally noticed.
His parents were both university professors, and he had the right future.
No parent wishes to follow an unknown girl with her children.
I was locked up in my room that night and heard a lot of noise outside.
“Son, I hope you understand that the little girl is a minor. What if his parents sue you for trafficking?”
“You’re going to be a pianist, and you’re leaving yourself such a stain? I’m sorry.
“What identity did you use to keep her here? I’m sorry.
“…”
The moon was bright outside the window and I blinked for a long time.
I can’t hurt him.
The next day, I packed up and went out and found Zhou Zawakawa lying on the couch all night, with a little tweak on his chin.
I laughed at him, “I’m going to my aunt’s next year in high school.” I’m sorry.
We said, “The sister-in-law’s house is near to school, and there are many friends of mine. I’m sorry.
He was a little surprised, “You have an aunt? I’m sorry.
“Well, she’s gonna make very good food, much better than you. I’m sorry.
“How can he talk?” I’m sorry.
I hesitated for a long time to say, “Don’t drink coffee anymore, drink too much, don’t stay up late, lose your hair, protect your hands and don’t do dangerous things.”
He nodded his head and took a coat.
I was sent all the time to the alley of my aunt’s house.
It’s getting smaller and smaller in my eyes, like it’s coming out of my life.
I ran over and hugged him.
He laughed, “You have a conscience. I’m sorry.
I pulled his sleeve and wiped his eyes.
Zhou Zawagawa, please don’t…
Forget me.
8
There’s no auntie.
I lied to him.
I took a suitcase and wandered the streets for a long time, and every time I walked through a hotel or a tea shop, I went in and asked him if he was hiring.
They asked me about my age and then they kicked me out.
At dusk, there was a dirty dairy cat licking someone else’s ice cream.
I was sitting in front of a supermarket and staring at that ice cream.
I swear, I just wanted to touch that pussycat.
And his hands were turned, and it was cold.
When it reached back, the wrist was strangled.
Someone frowned and pulled me from the ground.
“When did you learn to lie? I’m sorry.
Turns out he’s been following me.
I looked at him, and my eyes were sore, “I’m starving. I’m sorry.
He had a soft eye.
He touched my head and said, “I have to look at you, Moose, or you owe me so much money, who will pay me back?” I’m sorry.
9
After high school, I stayed in school.
During military training, many parents came to bring their children water and snacks.
There’s nobody in my house.
Zhou Zawakawa suddenly got busy and I rarely saw him.
I started planning where to go to college.
I’m sure we can’t get too far from Zhou Zawagawa, or we can’t see him.
But before I could choose a university, I heard Zhou was going abroad.
Across the sea, in another country.
That Sunday night, her mother sealed me a red bag and said she’d take me as a goddaughter.
She said, “You will only be his sister.” I’m sorry.
I don’t know what she meant.
I don’t know why Zhou Sawakawa suddenly left.
He said he wouldn’t want to leave the country.
He went to school with him, and there was a girl named Fang Ting.
I’ve seen her, a very beautiful girl, who gave Zhou Zawagawa flowers at a concert, the daughter of his parents and friends.
I feel like I’m distracted.
Always forget to bring a meal card, get a good look at the hearing, and get down to it.
The day before he left, I snuck into his room.
He’s been sleeping in the piano room since he gave me the bedroom.
I sprung his head on his bed and scared him.
And he took a breath, “Muse, are you sleepwalking?” I’m sorry.
“Chou Zawakawa, can you not go?” I’m sorry.
“Who are you going to tutor me on my homework? What if I fall? I’m sorry.
“No one’s going to help me with my parents’ meeting. I’m sorry.
“What good abroad, you’re not used to…”
I’ve almost exhausted all the excuses, but I can’t say the word “rejection”.
The silver moon shines through the veils of his white face, and his eyes are painted.
He knocked on my head and looked out the window and saw the light.
“I can’t be stuck in this city all the time, Moose. I’m sorry.
“I bought this house with my own money. You can stay. I’m sorry.
And he brought out from the cupboard a pack of seed, and said, “You bring it to life, and I will return.” I’m sorry.
10
He gave me a pack of bell orchid seeds.
Many times, Zhou and Zhou would come visit me in this house.
Sometimes I’m asked if I have maintenance, and sometimes I bring some news about Zhou Zawakawa.
I was in front of the flower pot and I thought, “Why don’t you grow up?”
This waits almost three years.
Seeds have not sprung, and Zhou has not returned.
My parents came to me with my brother.
My dad’s in a yellow business and he’s in debt.
He followed me and said: “You are my daughter, so help your father to pay.” I’m sorry.
My mother said, “Your brother will spend a lot of money on school, you’re a grown-up, and it’s time to help your parents earn money.” I’m sorry.
I moved all night.
Eleven.
When I was in college, I always had that bell orchid.
When it gets cold, I’ll put it inside, it’s good, I’ll put it outside for the sun.
And his roommate said, “I thought it was your lover of the past.” I’m sorry.
“If my venomous uncle saw it, he’d say you didn’t grow flowers. I’m sorry.
“…”
This spring, a new sprouts suddenly appeared in the basin.
I’m surprised I haven’t slept for three days, and I have to wake up at night to see if it’s watery.
Cheng Moon-ming sleeps very light. He hasn’t slept for three days.
To make up for her, I went with her to the party and helped her with the wine.
In fact, I’m not a good drink, I’m a little drunk.
Between the shadows, I saw a man.
I jumped on him and cried.
It’s too late.
She looked at Chengjin and wondered: “Uncle, it was you she liked. I’m sorry.
It’s a 32-year-old prodigy, a good-looking man, who’s carrying a very unattractive vibe.
I hold his legs and don’t let him go.
After that, everyone left.
I had a bowl of soup and I woke up.
Cheng was sitting on a chair to read the documents, and his long index finger was lightened on the wood table.
His voice was heavy: “I hear you like me? I’m sorry.
And he smiled, “Here you go, half a million, stay away from me.” I’m sorry.
I asked him for a long time, “Where will we get the money?” I’m sorry.
I’m looking at the transfer of the bank card, and I’m confused.
I’m worried about half a million dollars, because one day the police will come and take me away.
In the end, I returned the money as a meat cut.
Having said that, I am always mindful of my responsibilities and will never appear where the process has taken place.
But I didn’t think that I had to hide, but I had to meet him many times because of my own plans.
The more this goes on, the worse I see.
12
During the summer, I returned quietly to Zhou Zawagawa’s house.
I haven’t moved anything in the room, like he’s still here.
I still have the bell orchid.
I finally understand that Zhou has lied to me.
The flowers were blooming and he didn’t return.
Actually, it’s a bag of cooked seeds, and there’s no flowering.
Cheng Moon secretly changed my seed, so it started.
I didn’t think Zhou was really back.
Some morning I heard a clear sound coming from the living room.
My bell orchid is broken.
The woman in the blue flower dress stood by and apologized to me with a slight embarrassment: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hold it. I’m sorry.
“Why are you messing with my things?” I’m sorry.
She said, “Sawakawa is coming back. I’ll help him clean up. You’re Sissy’s sister. He mentioned it to me. I’m sorry.
I just remembered that she was Fang Ting, the one who left the country with Zhou Zawagawa.
I held my hands tight, and it took me a long time to remember.
He’s coming back.
But I’m not happy because my bell orchids are broken and I’ve had them for over three years.
I moved it to another flower pot, and it was dead the next day.
I’m going to go to KTV at the end of the day and sing, and I’m restless, and my legs are swollen on the table.
She called Cheng Zheng, “Please send my roommate. I’m sorry.
Cheng is standing at the door with cold eyes and cold words: “She has no legs.” I’m sorry.
He said that and finally came to help me.
Go to the door, I turn my foot, and he pulls me into the arms.
And his right hand tightens: “Stop this pediatric trick. I’ve seen many women like you.” I’m sorry.
I don’t have time for what he’s saying.
Because across the crowd, I saw a familiar figure.
It’s been over three years. He looks thin and taller.
In a white shirt, it’s very visible just standing there.
I didn’t have time to walk past him, so Fang Ting put his elbow on.
“You see, I told you, Sissy is so beautiful, she must have had a boyfriend. I’m sorry.
Three years later, I saw Zhou Zawakawa, but I didn’t know what to say to him.
And We squeezed his hand and said: Go. I’m sorry.
13
When Zhou Zawagawa returned home, he was given a bar and invited a variety of friends.
Zhou’s mother introduced you to the table.
“This is my goddaughter, Sawakawa’s sister. I’m sorry.
“Sex, I haven’t seen my brother in three years. I think I miss him. I’m sorry.
I can’t say the words of my brother.
I hid in the corner and had a drink.
Zhou Zawagawa came to drink, and a group of people woke up and told me to yell at my brother.
And he took away that which was in my hand, and said, “She is too young to drink too much; I drink for her.” I’m sorry.
I don’t think I’m growing up.
But I’m 19 years old.
I avoided him in the lounge. I didn’t think he was coming.
After closing the door, he smiled at me: “Mussy, little heartless, don’t you remember me? I’m sorry.
“I bought you a lot of gifts abroad,” he said. I’m sorry.
“Did you want to get rid of me? I’m sorry.
“What makes you think that? I’m sorry.
Three years, I didn’t take a call from him.
“Why did you give me a bag of bad seeds? You know, there’s nothing to plant. I’m sorry.
Nothing can grow out.
I’ve been growing for a long time.
He’s down looking at me if he thinks.
When there was something else to say, Fang opened the door.
She’s wearing a blue fish tail skirt and she looks like a princess.
“I have a stomach condition. Can you take me back?” I’m sorry.
She smiled sweet, but I saw hostility in those beautiful eyes.
It’s strange that I never offended her.
Walked to the door and people left.
Zhou Zawagawa drove the door and Fan Ting was naturally sitting on the side wheel.
She looked at me with understanding, pointing at a far-off car, and said, ‘Sister, there is someone waiting for you.’ I’m sorry.
Zhou Zawagawa looks a little serious: “What does that man have to do with you?” I’m sorry.
He’s talking about the ride in the car.
But I don’t know why he came.
“I don’t know…”
It’s not finished, it’s interrupted.
“Young people are in love, what are you doing?” I’m sorry.
“Yeah, a little girl can’t run behind your brother’s ass all day.” I’m sorry.
I looked at Zhou Zawakawa and said, “Do you want me to come? I’m sorry.
And he turned his back, and he whispered, “I’ll take her home, and wait for me here.” I’m sorry.
I watched his car empty in the back seat and said nothing.
I listened to him for a long time.
Until the hotel was completely quiet and the moths turned around with lights.
I didn’t see him.
He came down from the car and said, “If you are wise, you should know that he will not return.” I’m sorry.
I looked at the toes, “Who sent you? I’m sorry.
He said, “It’s all over the place, saying you’re my girlfriend. I’d just like to see how this legendary girlfriend is feeling for another man. I’m sorry.
He’s got a needle in his eye and a heart.
I can’t believe this business genius is so gossiping.
14
Zhou Zawagawa has Fang Ting around.
What does that mean?
Not to mention, I’ve never heard a song they were talking about.
Zhou’s mother always hinted at me.
“Don’t bother your sister-in-law. I’m sorry.
“…is she?”
Sooner or later it will be. I’m sorry.
And We bowed down, unwittingly, and began to hear the sound of a car.
Lights on the car.
Zhou Zawakawa opened the door down and headed straight for me.
“What are you doing?” I’m sorry.
Cheng, Zhou Zawagawa’s got some sharp eyes. I’m sorry.
Cheng Jin-seok didn’t move, he lit a cigarette and had a weak flame on his eye.
“Sister… you know, she’s just your sister. I’m sorry.
The word “sister” sounds a little harsh.
It may be that he rebelled, and We took up his hand and said, “Go back, he will send me home.” I’m sorry.
I have some regrets after that.
I guess I must have lost consciousness again, otherwise I wouldn’t have said so hard to him.
Zhouzawakawa’s eyes cooled down: “Muthus, do you know what you’re doing?” I’m sorry.
He said, “You want money, I can give it to you, but I will not allow you to do this to yourself.” I’m sorry.
I looked him in the eye.
There’s disappointment, there’s pain.
Turns out he thought I was trying to make a difference for money.
I suddenly felt a little tired and hit a car on the side of the road and returned to the rented house.
15
I haven’t talked to Zhou Zawagawa much in the last few days.
It’s not clear whether it’s gambling or something.
I took a few days off with my part-time baker.
Cheng Moon comes to me sometimes, wakes up and looks at me.
She asked, “Who is Zhou Zawagawa?” I’m sorry.
“Why do you call his name in your sleep? You don’t want my uncle?”
And suddenly I panicked.
It’s like there’s a little secret to be discovered.
I tried not to follow the news of Zhou Zawakawa, but I heard his name from every human being.
For example, he began to have his own fans, became famous online, and was even invited to participate in ensembles.
After lunch, I’m going downstairs to dump the garbage, open the door and see Zhou Zawagawa by the door.
He didn’t knock for half a day.
“You’ve been living here lately?” I’m sorry.
This is a house I’ve been looking for for for a long time, but it’s cheap, and it’s close to where I work part time, and there’s a lot of people in the neighborhood looking for me to teach.
I said, “Well, I can’t live in your house anymore.” I’m sorry.
“Moose. “I apologize for what happened that night.” I’m sorry.
He touched my head: “You’re 19 years old, but do you know how old Cheng Jian is?” He’s 32. I’m sorry.
“…and you’re close to 25, rounded to 30. I’m sorry.
“I’m different. I’m sorry.
He gave me a lot of reason, for example, to guard against people and to say that sometimes men are the back of the surface.
Cheng Jin is not a good man.
He added that he met a lot of interesting people abroad.
And how he and Fong Ting spent the three years in different countries.
16
Zhou Zawagawa said Fang Ting was his friend and wanted me to be her friend.
So he always took me to dinner with her.
But every time I eat with her, I’m very comfortable.
I always feel like she’s got a prick in her eyes, but look at it and nothing.
I bowed my head and tried to minimize my sense of being.
Zhou Zawagawa sometimes picks up a few green vegetables for me: “Don’t eat meat alone. I’m sorry.
When he got up and went to the bathroom, Fang suddenly turned to me: “Sweet, it’s mid-Autumn. I bought some mooncakes and brought you one. You can bring them back to Uncle and Auntie. I’m sorry.
I had a good look at it so I understood that she was talking about my parents.
We said, “No, no, no. I’m sorry.
She said, “What kind of kid doesn’t come home in the middle autumn?” I’m sorry.
She went on to say, “Listen to Aunt Zhou, you ran away from home to Zegawa. I’m sorry.
“Do you know how much it costs to raise someone? And Sawakawa was a student. I’m sorry.
I put down chopsticks, “What are you going to say?” I’m sorry.
Quiet for a moment, and suddenly she got up and walked forward.
“Sawakawa, I’m so sorry for pissing my sister off. I’m sorry.
Zhou Zawakawa looked at me: “What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
I feel like I’m snuffed.
“I don’t like to eat these. I’m sorry.
I finally realized that Fang was hostile to me.
She enjoyed the praises of all, and naturally wanted Zhou Zawakawa.
He’s been around me since he was 13.
So she tried to drive me away.
I used my parents on purpose to provoke me, to create a rumor that I had a boyfriend and to erase all the traces of my existence in Zhou’s house.
She didn’t have to. I didn’t want to fight.
After dinner, I made an excuse to turn alone and walk around the corner alone.
Cheng Jin followed me.
He was just at our back table, I saw him.
He was walking next to me with long legs, and he was like, “The day you got drunk, you recognized me as him? I’m sorry.
He pointed to the ophthalmological hospital in front of him: “It’s time for treatment with bad eyes.” I’m sorry.
“And, to advise you, the feelings of the three will not bear fruit. I’m sorry.
“Do you still expect to fight wolves? I’m sorry.
I suddenly understood the words of the moon.
Her brother-in-law talks like a needle, and it hurts.
He’s particularly interested in me being wrong about him, and he’ll use it as a sarcasm.
I couldn’t help but argue with him.
Strangely, every day I fight with him, and I’m tired of thinking about other things.
17
At the start of school, the house I rented expired.
I should have moved things to school.
Unfortunately, I had a fever that day.
Cell phone vibrating.
I wake up unconscious, touch my forehead, and it burns.
I don’t know who called, I can’t remember what I said and I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I only saw people standing by the window.
All the silence, the moonlight on his face, the kind of tenderness.
Zhou Zawagawa turned around and his voice was clear: “Wake up? I’m sorry.
I coughed twice, I felt a bit sick, looked at the clock and found myself sleeping for hours.
“What are you doing here? I’m sorry.
I remember it was Fang Ting’s birthday.
On the phone, Mother Chow sent a video.
Fang Ting is surrounded, like a princess.
“Where’s Zhou Zawakawa? He’s with you?”
I pressed the off button when Zhou Zawagawa came over.
“Why didn’t you tell me when you were sick? * He’s serious, he’s got a glass of water, he’s handing me the medicine *
And We turned back: “Be not too near to me, nor be infected.” I’m sorry.
And his lips said, “Moose.” I’m sorry.
I swallowed a few pills.
He laughed, “It’s not poison. Why are you so scared? I’m sorry.
I was lying in my bed, and I laughed at him, “I’m hungry, I want noodles. I’m sorry.
He got up and cooked noodles and made two dishes with him.
Maybe it’s because he hasn’t cooked for a long time. He burned his hands.
And We jumped out of the bed in a panic, and We washed him with cold water, and We blew him gently.
I looked at him with guilt: “Doesn’t it bother you to play the piano?” I’m sorry.
He’s a little red in his ear, and his right hand is turning back.
“Come on, get some rest. I’m sorry.
He’s been watching me all night.
Of course, Fang Ting’s birthday was missed.
And I was humbled to think that if only he could have stayed with me.
18
Fang Ting was very determined to have Zhou Zawagawa attend her birthday party and even intended to reschedule.
She invited a lot of people and invited me.
She gave me a bunch of things in front of everyone.
Clothes, diamond necklaces, precious skin.
She stood by Zhou Zawakawa, laughing, “Your sister is my sister, and I will be good to her.” I’m sorry.
A group of people over there exaggerating.
“O Xiao-ting, you’re so careful, you’ve thought of everything. I’m sorry.
Zhou Zawakawa, what are you waiting for? I’m sorry.
“You’re lucky to meet such a good girlfriend. I’m sorry.
Zhouzawakawa frowned: “She is not…”
He didn’t finish. The door was banging.
Immediately thereafter, a group of men in uniform with serious faces walked in.
“received reports of drug trafficking. I’m sorry.
When the police came, a group of us were horrified, with our hands in the corner.
At this point I wonder, is Fang Ting a dangerous person who is finally being taken away?
But I didn’t think it was me.
I watched them take a bag of white powder out of my bag.
“Take away.” I’m sorry.
“It’s not mine, I haven’t seen it. I’m sorry.
I didn’t take anything from the party.
I remembered just now that Fang Ting took me to try new clothes…
Was it then…
I explained in a panic, but nobody around me believed me.
I see Zhou Sawagawa.
He looked a little shocked and was dragged by his father to stop and did not move forward.
Actually, I understand.
Whether I’ve done it or not, rumours get out and my reputation is ruined.
Besides, if it’s true…
I went to the police despite my fear: “I am willing to cooperate with the investigation.” I’m sorry.
19
I waited a long time at the police station.
Hungry, thirsty.
Just walked out of the interrogation room and was slapped in the face.
I hit the corner and hit my forehead red.
“I’ll kill you, you piece of shit! I’m sorry.
I hear the sound of Satan, as he is familiar with it, and I am afraid to rise up.
My dad was standing there in a panting, and his eyes were killing me.
It’s been a long time since I thought I’d never see him again.
“Why are you here? I’m sorry.
He said, “If no one had contacted me, I would have forgotten you.” I’m sorry.
“You’re such a disgrace to society! I’ll kill you! I’m sorry.
Several policemen dragged him away: “It was a misunderstanding. Your daughter is innocent.” I’m sorry.
He didn’t listen: “The police comrade, she’s been bad since she was a child. I’m sorry.
Look at him, like I’m in jail right now.
In fact, he doesn’t care whether I’m innocent or not, but he just vents his own desires on this charge.
I was raised as a slave when I was a child, and he was only angry that I was out of control, and that I grew a repulsive bone.
It hurts, but I’m numb.
“This is the last time. I’m sorry.
“Next time, I won’t let you fight. I’m sorry.
He looked at it, and he looked at it, and he said,
I wanted to give him back, but my right hand was caught.
I just found out that somehow I was behind him.
His eyes were dark, and he was close to my ears, and his voice was low: “Mussy, has anyone told you that the beating is necessary to conceal the purpose?” I’m sorry.
My father saw Cheng Jin and suddenly his eyes glowed.
“You, you, you’re the general manager of that group. I’m sorry.
And suddenly he turned to one hundred and eighty degrees: “O daughter, when and how long have you been friends?” I’m sorry.
“Daddy’s just worried about you. Don’t get mad at Dad. I’m sorry.
I don’t know why I’m sarcastic: “How did you get here? I’m sorry.
He said, “No, she is Fong, and she says, “Give me a little money, as long as she can take you away.” I’m sorry.
Fang Ting?
What am I doing with her?
I don’t know.
My dad followed Chengjin. He wanted money.
But he was tricked into the alley and screamed for a long time.
Listen, there’s no mercy.
Zhou Zawagawa came to pick me up, and he was worried, “Is everything all right? I’m sorry.
And We shook our heads and said: “It’s all right. I’m sorry.
You weren’t there when something happened.
20
My dad’s been borrowing money since he found me.
He said that my brother was very ill, that his family could not afford it and that my mother was crying.
I was in class when he said that.
He broke in and kneeled at me in front of the teacher and his classmates.
“Where can I find you money? I’m sorry.
“Don’t you know him? You beg him…”
He’s got a voracious light in his eyes: “It wasn’t good that night, Dad should have beaten you, but your brother’s innocent, you know, he hasn’t been well since he was a child…”
I went to the hospital to see my brother. He’s too skinny.
My mother was mad at him: “Eat and eat!”
I endured my suffering and said to my father, “I have no money. I’m sorry.
How can I borrow money again?
I was already in debt.
I proved to him that my relationship with Chengjin was just a passing pass.
He said, “I can lend it to you. I’m sorry.
“But you know, I’m a businessman, and I don’t buy and sell. I’m sorry.
“I’m 32 years old, and if you promise to marry me, I’ll help you. I’m sorry.
That’s a good one.
I don’t know, just sell.
I refused.
My dad looked at me with a hateful look.
I looked at him and said, “You’re not my father since I was 14 years old when you sent that man to my room. I’m sorry.
21
My dad started coming to my school.
Pull the banner, traffic, security.
He did everything humiliating.
I ended up talking to everyone.
Fan Ting found me: “What happened? It’s so much trouble that you need me and your brother’s help, you tell me. I’m sorry.
I pushed her hand and looked at her, “Isn’t that what you wanted?” I’m sorry.
And she swerved, and her heart turned aside: “What are you talking about? I do not understand.” I’m sorry.
I told Zhou Zawagawa, “Fon Ting brought my father here. I’m sorry.
He clearly did not believe: “Calm down first.” I’m sorry.
I can’t calm down.
When I was 13, I thought I’d get rid of my dad after college.
But I went to college and he wouldn’t let me go.
I took a day off from school and moved out.
Zhou has postponed his piano concert and has been with me.
Wake up at night and I crash and cry.
He pushed the door open and held me in his arms: “Don’t be afraid, I’ll take you away.” I’m sorry.
“…where to go?”
“Where no one can find it. I’m sorry.
22
He even bought the tickets.
But I didn’t expect it. It was the day my brother died.
I asked, “Is it because of me, because I didn’t borrow money…”
I remember the boy who cried in my arms.
He was born in bad health and spoke slower than others.
I never even heard him call me sister.
I thought I wouldn’t feel bad.
I fell down and lost my God for a long time.
Zhou Zawagawa took me to my brother’s funeral.
My mom was crying and my dad was a lot older.
He looked at me with the most gentle and fatherly look he’d ever seen in his life: “I’m leaving you as my daughter…”
“Come with me to the room and get something from your brother. He said he liked your sister. I’m sorry.
I thought he really changed.
Until he entered the room, he suddenly took a knife and waved at me.
He tried to kill me.
Everyone thought he was after me.
Zhou Zawakawa went to stop him and he grabbed his hand at once and pressed it against the wall.
Hands up, knife down.
He took that knife and cut off Zhouzawakawa’s two fingers.
With a hum, blood is splattered on walls, on the ground and on human faces.
There was a squealing scream around.
Zhou Zawakawa lay on the ground and passed out in pain.
I feel the whole world gray.
As if the whole heart had been hit hard by a rock, I ran over it screaming: “Kill me if you want, what do you want to do?” I’m sorry.
“You’re crazy!”
“What did you do to him? Him, him…”
He’s a pianist.
He was able to live a happy life.
I went crazy and threw a stool at him.
Quietly around, only my dad laughter.
“Mussy, the family will be together, and I and your brother will be waiting for you down there. I’m sorry.
I had black eyes and fainted.
23
When I woke up, I was locked in my room for almost three days without eating or drinking.
Eyes dry.
The stomach hurts.
“Your brother’s fine, come out and look.” I’m sorry.
I hold my knees and my tears keep running.
It’s okay.
I saw it with my own eyes.
When Cheng kicked the door open, I lay by my bed with no power.
“Don’t hurt yourself again, it’s none of your business! I’m sorry.
“I’ll show you!” I’m sorry.
He has complex feelings, heartaches and insinuations.
There are others I can’t read.
And I kneel down and say, “I will not go, please, leave me alone.” I’m sorry.
I’m afraid I’ll go crazy when I see him.
I always dream.
In the dream, Zhou Zawagawa sat next to the piano, with his fingertips twitching, and his face was pale and elegant.
Those hands, long and pretty, used to whip me, tie my shoelaces, and paint my five officers with a pen.
As soon as the picture turned, my father cut him down with a knife.
I woke up screaming, all wet.
I started crying for no reason.
The iron box in the room still contains a loan I wrote.
It’s strange that I’m in debt. I should have borrowed it.
All these years, I always felt indebted to him.
So I went out and worked part-time and tried to make money.
I just thought that I could get between him and me.
But now it’s clear.
I haven’t given him a hand in my life.
24
It’s winter, it’s snowing.
Fang Ting sometimes comes to see me at school and throws Zhou Zawagawa’s dirty picture with gloves on my face.
“Why don’t you go to hell? I’m sorry.
“His fingers are gone, his piano career is ruined. I’m sorry.
The number of fans fell, the concert was cancelled, and all those who knew him slowly turned from envy to pity and ridicule.
“He hates you. You better never show up in front of him. I’m sorry.
“He said the most regrettable thing he ever did was meet you! I’m sorry.
“I’ll marry him and take care of him forever. I’m sorry.
After she said, she left on heels.
I followed out without my coat. I was so cold.
“What can I do for you?” I’m sorry.
She looked at me with sarcasm: “Is it enough for him?” I’m sorry.
I don’t have the guts to talk to her again.
When Zhou Zawakawa was wounded, I had no means to stop him, and when he was injured, I could not spare Fong Ting as much as I could.
I was a useless man from the beginning.
25
Mother Zhou has had a serious illness, which is still not good.
I brought up fruit to see her. She pointed at the door and told me to roll.
I bowed to her: “Take care of yourself.” I’m sorry.
Shut up! Don’t let me see you again! She cried in her face, “If it wasn’t for Zawakawa’s fear that you wouldn’t have been bullied by your parents, ask me to help you, what do you think you’re doing?”
“I shouldn’t be used to him, not to him. I’m sorry.
After I left the room, I cried in the corner for a long time.
I snuck inside before Zhou Zawagawa’s ward.
He was lying on the couch, and the young ones who had been angry had turned their wings.
I dare not move forward, I can’t even say I’m sorry.
26
In the third year, I chose to go to the mountains.
“You’re crazy, you can teach people in your condition.” I’m sorry.
I laughed and said, “I’m much better.” I’m sorry.
She held me in her arms and cried, “What’s good? I’m sorry.
I looked out the window, and I grabbed my clothes unconsciously.
“Let me go or I don’t know what I can do. I’m sorry.
27
I feel relieved by the harsh conditions in the mountains.
The children here have some desire for the future, for life.
I love playing games with them.
And We taught them knowledge, and We threw their garbs and hide and seek with them.
Six months later, the school suddenly received donations of teaching materials.
I looked at the familiar sign, and I knew it was Cheng Jin.
He’s always like this. He’s got to be high-profile everywhere.
When he spoke to him, he said, “Chou Zawakawa is getting married. I’m sorry.
I was in a coma.
He asked, “Shall we go back?” I’m sorry.
I shook my head.
I don’t want to bother him anymore.
28
I teach a class of 30 students, two of the most naughty.
Then I knew his parents beat him up.
The more he fights, the more he rebels.
Rain nights, thunder.
Someone came and said the egg ran away from home and is now invisible.
I was in a hurry to get dressed and go with the crowd.
I found him at the bottom of the cliff.
He’s unconscious, his forehead is hot.
I was careful to go down the hillside, but didn’t expect it, when a giant rock hit me hard.
There was a severe pain in the chest, and I fainted, and then a miracle woke up 10 minutes later.
I ran all the way to the bathroom with a coma.
I was running and I was screaming in his ear: “Dude, next time I run away from home, I’ll beat your ass.” I’m sorry.
At 1:00 a.m. the bathroom lights were lit.
Strangely, the doctors and nurses look at me with a scary look.
We explained to them: “I am a teacher, and the student is in the rain and has a fever. I’m sorry.
The nurse’s hands are shaking: “You, you, you…”
I rubbed my face, and I suddenly found that there was something that was running out of my eye and my nose.
The baptism of the rain is getting worse.
My classmates came running screaming, screaming, “Moose, are you all right? Somebody help her! Help her!
And I waited and said, “It’s nothing, it’s just a stone. I’m sorry.
I thought I was okay.
There’s no way a patient like me can run and jump.
I walked a few steps forward and saw a reflection of the wall.
A wet woman’s jeans were stains, and the blue shorts were red.
The rain was pouring out of the window and the shadows were shaking.
I had a heart attack, my legs were so soft, and all my organs were like instant failure.
A few people took me to the operating bed and the doctor was shaking his head.
“Call her parents. I’m sorry.
I grabbed the nurse’s hand and woke up. I’m sorry.
I suddenly realized I might be dying.
A group of people surrounded my bed with a strange face, with compassion in their eyes.
I suddenly wanted to miss Zhou Sawakawa.
Actually, I always miss him, at dinner, at running, at sleep.
It is only at this time that such thoughts have reached their full peak and can no longer be suppressed.
I ran out of bed and I was numb.
Zhang came crying to help me: “Stop moving, you’ll die! I’m sorry.
I wanted to find Zhou Zawagawa, but I thought it was 2,000 kilometers from him.
The train’s too slow to get past security.
I held the handle, tried to video him, and I was afraid I’d scare him.
Oh, yeah, he’s getting married to Fontaine.
If I see blood, it’s not good luck.
Finally, I sent only two messages.
Brother…
“Good luck to you. I’m sorry.
It’s my first time calling him brother.
A moment later, a red exclamation mark appeared in front of me.
I suddenly wept.
My throat hurts and itches, and I hold a dream hand.
“Can you help me find a man named Zhou Sawakawa…”
29
The clock on the wall just turned for half an hour.
I think it’s been a long time.
Long enough I thought I’d never see him again.
Until there was a footsteps at the door, and someone pushed in.
In the shadow I saw Zhou Zawakawa.
He held me and his hands were shaking.
Turns out I could see him one last time.
I can’t hear him.
Zhou Zawagawa…
And We took his warm hand, and laughed, and said, “Where I live, there is a card under my pillow, and it is I who will pay you back; the password is your birthday.” I’m sorry.
It hurts. It hurts all over.
But I’m relieved.
And this is as much as a bridge between me and him over the years.
There is a lot to say.
It’s too late.
Everything around is blurry.
I know, I’m leaving.
I have to put up with the last sentence.
“I don’t really want to be your sister…”
This sentence,
I’ve been hiding in my heart for a long time.
30
“Moose, look. Who am I? I’m sorry.
It took him a long time to find out he was not breathing.
She mistook him twice.
One is the first, one is the last.
His eyes were red, and he looked at Chen’s assistant, who had shed tears on one side: “Prepar the car.” I’m sorry.
The latter one is: “The Master of the Process?”
The sound is like a broken raindrop: “We go to the city hospital.” I’m sorry.
“She’ll be fine. I’m sorry.
The road to the doorway is only a few hundred meters short.
He felt very far away and heavy.
He held this little girl.
Never took him in his heart.
It doesn’t matter if he can stay with her for a long time.
When his right leg was soft, he kneeled and held her in his arms with restraint.
“Moose, wake up. Don’t sleep. I’m sorry.
“Don’t sleep…”
But she never woke up.
31
He’s been at home for days.
Even the phone was confiscated.
The mother was hostage to her life and there was nothing he could do about her.
In fact, he understood that the mother did nothing but keep him from seeing Moose.
But he never blamed her.
The only one to hate was Muli, who was already in prison.
Zhou Sawakawa’s got a lazy back.
He’s always got it.
Two fingers are missing, at least eight left.
And he looked out of the window, and the sun was bright, like the summer he met Moses.
A 13-year-old girl should be in the arms of her parents.
But she’s not. She’s stubbornly heartbroken.
Who would have thought that this girl had saved his life some rainy night?
Then he swore to be nice to her.
He bought her a lot when he was abroad.
When the mother sent it, she was told that she was “intentionally prepared for the examination and that she did not want to be disturbed”.
Well, she should have had her own bright life.
Moose, you must be a happy little girl.
(concluded) filing number: YXX1DpBOlayTO6QePjDcPdPz
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
