I don’t love you anymore.
He threw me in the mud, he had a piece of money in his hand, and he said whoever hit hard, it was his.
No one dared to do it at first.
They knew that Jiang Yuen had been looking for me.
They think that We are the moon in front of his window, and that He is the cush in his heart.
They thought that he would put me in his heart and that he would not be touched.
I’ve been slapped by someone on the test.
He smiled and threw a lot of money.
So those people went crazy.
It hurts.
I’m afraid of pain.
When I was in school, my fingers broke and I cried.
My father laughed at me: “This must go to the hospital and heal later. I’m sorry.
So I looked at the river.
He loved me the most, and he gave me the most.
And when I did, he offered to write my homework.
She smiles like a dog. I’m sorry.
You’re looking at me now.
Look carefully.
He’s got beautiful peach eyes.
When you look at it, it’s tender and tender.
But these eyes, now like knives, are filled with contempt and aversion.
I’ll be late with a knife.
“Yeah, like a dog. I’m sorry.
I’ve never been told that before.
He’ll be like a puppy and he’ll follow me.
Wet eyes, bright and clear.
Look at me, full of love.
He’s changed.
He’s not my puppy anymore.
I suddenly bled.
A step back and a word of impatience came out of the mouth.
In his eyes, I’m a dirty thing.
If you touch me, it’ll be bad luck.
Keep fighting like this, I’ll die.
In the north of Myanmar, it is easy to make a person disappear.
But I don’t want to die.
I’m moving in the direction of the river.
I don’t know who, punched me in the head.
It’s not a fist. It’s a brick.
How can a fist be so hard?
Hot, sticky blood crossed my forehead, covering my eyes.
I can’t see him.
Where’s Jiang Yuen?
I can’t climb anymore.
I can only say in his direction, difficult and slow, “I was wrong.” I’m sorry.
That’s what he wants.
But he’s not gonna leave me alone.
“Semmon, dogs have more bones than you.
“Now beg for forgiveness, too late. I’m sorry.
He spilled another banknote.
Those people are more crazy.
They pulled me to the corner, cut my clothes and yelled.
I have no strength to resist.
That’s good, so you don’t have to be beaten.
Anyway, I’ve been here all these years.
A stone smashed my body’s head.
Blood splattered into my mouth.
“I said, whatever you want, don’t mess with her.” I’m sorry.
Everyone knows that.
I’m already dirty.
Two.
I have a dog for my father.
He played with me, he played with me, he grew up with me.
He would never rebel against me.
Dad said he was loyal to the Lord.
He said he only lived for me.
But when did my dog change?
3
I had a long dream.
It’s so beautiful in the dream I don’t want to wake up.
But it’s always wrong.
Somebody’s taking water on me.
A bucket of water straight down to my face.
The sense of suffocation came to pass.
I woke up and breathed.
Like a million nights ago.
“She’s just wrapped up, so vulnerable…”
When the river is slanted, the female doctor is afraid to speak.
A feeling of pain comes back to me.
I bite my lips and my forehead is full of sweat.
“Does it hurt? Just do it. I’m sorry.
The river is cold and blind to my pain.
“Take her down, work. I’m sorry.
4
After the others left, the female doctor treated me for another wound.
“Why did he torture you so much when he gave you such a nice place? I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
I knew I was wrong, and I tried to get to him.
Why isn’t he happy?
Is it because I’m dirty?
But I don’t want to.
The more I think about it, the more I love and hate.
I think it’s funny about myself.
How could he love me?
He won’t love me anymore.
I lost my dog myself.
5
I’ll do anything.
Drug trafficking, casinos, fraud…
But if he can make money, he’ll do well.
Much better than my dad.
His men took me to the casino bareheaded and made me deal.
I won’t.
I know what’s best and how to cry.
But deal, I won’t.
“Putting bitch. I’m sorry.
Slap me in the face, stun me.
I didn’t slow down, so I was dragged by him to get tea and water.
I’ve got a nice face, and I’ve had so many hormonal attacks over the years, and I’ve grown more and more sour.
A lot of people beat me up.
They didn’t do too much.
Squeeze here, squeeze there.
It tickles.
But it still hurts when it hurts.
A guest spit on me, “Damn, what swordsman, will you hide?” No sense at all. I’m sorry.
I used to hide and resist.
But what did you get?
My left ear was deafened and my teeth fell.
I’ve understood since then. Just accept, just hold on.
I want to see my dog. I can’t die in someone else’s bed.
That’s embarrassing.
Six.
Casino guests are here, looking for reception.
I heard them talking.
They want to be pretty, nice.
Anything can happen in the VIP room.
Casinos don’t mess with them.
After all, the least valuable thing in Myanmar is human life.
Someone’s bald and said let me go.
He’s a little hesitant.
“What are you afraid of? She’s just a mute and won’t complain to his uncle.
“The last time she was beaten to death, did you see him blink? I’m sorry.
The casino manager said, “Put a couple of bills on the head.”
Turns out my dog saw me get hurt and couldn’t even blink.
I fell out of a tree before, and he kept me up all night.
When I said it hurt, he sang and made me happy.
Dogs don’t sound well. Singing is the worst.
He was proud and never exposed his shortcomings.
But I’m different.
My dad said that even if I wanted the moon in the sky, the kid would take it off for me.
I turned around and told him that.
He said, “The moon is so big that I cannot take it off.”
“But I can be an astronaut, bring back the earth from the moon and make you a little moon from it. I’m sorry.
He said he wasn’t for the country, just for me.
I laughed at his little family.
We all know it’s impossible.
My dad is notorious, and he’s my dad’s trainee.
In the future, they will live in the dark.
How can people like us be nations?
But all these years, I’ve been thinking about him.
Starlight, chivalrous.
The light in his eyes doesn’t touch me anymore.
But it still shines on me.
7
I’m still in the VIP room.
What’s just happened here is full of a little blood.
I’m staring at the tip of my toes, and I don’t know.
Over the years, the adverse effects of estrogen use have also become apparent.
I always feel like I can’t concentrate, I always want to throw up.
It’s awful.
“What’s with this wood?” I’m sorry.
A fat guy noticed me.
“Come here, open the card for Grandpa. I’m sorry.
I’ll go ahead and do it.
It’s probably a good card. Fatso put me in his arms and kissed me in the face.
Everyone’s laughing in the box.
Yesterday’s wound was sore, I didn’t look good.
The fat guy didn’t ask for a ticket, put a few in front of my chest and pointed in the direction of the couch:
“Hold on and let him take off his pants, and that’s yours.” I’m sorry.
There’s a beautiful teenager sitting on the couch.
He’s pulling his head off the pistol.
And he has the horrible parts, and they’re as light as children’s toys.
He’s been decorating and decorating and he’s been so patient and patient.
I looked, “I don’t do this. I’m sorry.
I’m not happy about this anymore.
Junior, look at me.
The moon and the light.
The same as the river, when it was.
The fat guy pushed me, “I haven’t heard of a virgin in Myanmar! I’m sorry.
I’m a chubby, kneeling in front of a teenager.
Knees give me pain.
“Sister doesn’t have to come up at all. I’m sorry.
He reached out to me.
You’re lazy and you’re looking seriously.
I’ve had such a moment.
It really held his hand.
A young man smiled and showed a beautiful tiger tooth.
There’s a tiger’s tooth, on the left.
It hurts when you bite.
And a long time ago, the dog said, “If you don’t want me, I’ll bite you, and every day after you see this wound, I will think of you.” I’m sorry.
On the day when I threw him away, he did what he had to say, but he bit me with a red eye.
It hurts.
Tears spat like they’re going to pierce a man’s heart.
But I didn’t push him away.
The toothmark has been on my shoulder, it’s faded.
8
The young man brought me up with strength.
Then I was thrown to Scar’s face.
“Here you go. Have fun.”
He had a funny smile on his face.
Scary face, half burned, half cut.
Long scars, from the eyes to the mouth.
I’ve seen a lot of men all these years, and I know it’s a tough one.
He’s too kind. He’s holding me in one hand. He’s got a big hand.
I can’t escape.
He unzipped his belt.
There’s so many people in the box, nobody reached out to me.
I’m shaking my teeth: “Sir, I don’t do this…”
The fat one smiles the most. “The old man loves you so much that you don’t want to take care of him. I’m sorry.
Scarface pushed me to the wall before explaining it.
It’s spinning.
I see my shadow falling on the wall, dim and thin.
It’s a skin that looks so beautiful, and all the souls inside it are rotten.
No wonder the dog doesn’t love me anymore.
That’s good.
“Let’s make a bet that this girl can hold for a few minutes! I’m sorry.
“I bet longer than before. I’m sorry.
The smell of blood just left behind by people like us.
I’m cold.
The dress was torn to pieces.
Scar, you’ve enjoyed your life today! I’m sorry.
It’s so noisy around, I’m gonna throw up again.
The door was pushed away at this time.
9
“Some people are so happy. I’m sorry.
The river has come in, stars like moons.
I want to call him for help.
But when it touches his cold eyes, the words of implore are stuck in his throat, and he can’t stop.
The young man laughed and shot the sofa, and she sat down.
“Uncle’s just in time for a good show. I’m sorry.
Scar doesn’t see anything happening. Just keep moving.
It seems that Jiang Yu-chul, sitting on the couch, folded his legs, did not intend to do so.
I suddenly didn’t want to struggle.
He’d think I was funny.
A dirty thing. What a bitch.
I’ve just closed my eyes and I’ve got a heavy body.
I’m wearing a coat.
“The second uncle can’t leave a woman?” I’m sorry.
“She can’t.” I’m sorry.
Teeny-faced, top-down, take a good look at me.
Take a look at the cargo.
“I thought this woman was your enemy. Why do you care about her now?
“Uncle, it’s not a good habit to abuse your little lover. I’m sorry.
He didn’t answer. He just took me down.
The fat guy’s got to get up and get in the way.
The young man showed his teeth and said to me, “Sister, my name is Wu Ting, we’ll meet again. I’m sorry.
10
I’ll sit in the car and wait for the river to come out.
Screams were heard in the alley.
They’re very heavy-handed, punches to flesh, knives to blood.
The bald head and the casino manager had a swollen nose and asked for forgiveness.
I’m wearing a tight jacket and yesterday’s wounds are hurting again.
My father used to say that he was too soft and afraid of his men.
But after all these years, that kind young man disappeared.
He tried to get out of the shackles and he came and knocked on my window: “Sister-in-law, you’re asking the boss for help. I’m a fool. I’m wrong.”
Before he had finished his speech, he was taken away from the river.
The door is open.
Come on in.
His eyebrow was stained with the blood of the stars, a few of which were purified and horrifying.
He’s got a spaz in one hand, and he’s swiped the machine.
I can’t help it.
It’s all my fault.
Our lives, at the best 18 years of age, turned straight.
It was an ordinary afternoon.
I got a call, my dad got in a car accident and died instantly.
The sky suddenly collapsed at that moment.
At that time, my world was torn apart by a big mouth and exposed to the horrors inside.
The former brothers-in-law competed for land and business and were killed in two days.
Jiang Yu-Lu was very busy at the time, dealing with a great deal of trouble and strife.
Indeed, he was excellent and recognized by many.
But someone’s got a different heart.
Wang Li tied me up.
He’s the second in command of the gang.
“Your father’s old man is just trying to open a casino and collect protection money. How much money can he make?
“Everyone’s selling drugs now. We don’t do it. There’s no way to live!
“Big niece, don’t blame me for being mean. I’m sorry.
It’s not enough that he killed my father. He’s going to bring down the river.
Everyone knows I’m the dead end of the river.
My dog, he was cut off five fingers for me.
I am a young man of light moons, kneeling in the snow, shaking and almost fainting.
He sheds blood on one hand, while the other murmurs my tears.
“Don’t cry, it’s okay. We can live the life we want. I’m sorry.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, he went this way.
We never had the life we wanted.
Eleven.
“Have you seen enough?”
The river slanted and looked at me, and it was supposed to shine in the eyes, and it was about to spill hate.
I moved my lips like a crotch in my throat.
“When I see this hand, I think of you.
“I’ve been trying to persuade myself and forgive you. You’re too afraid of pain. You just chose a way to live without pain. I’m sorry.
What should I tell him? I’m not doing well.
At least not as good as he thought.
I regret it every hour of every day. I wonder why I didn’t die on that snow night.
The vehicle was moving and the surroundings were rapidly regressing.
Seven years like I’ve been walking around.
I don’t know if I did it right or wrong.
Too often, I feel like I can’t make it.
But now, looking back, those dark and difficult moments seem to be just an abstract symbol that records my bad past.
Living is not that bad.
At least let me go back to him.
A cigarette lighted up in the river.
The smoke is so cloudy that I understand that I should say something in return for his mercy and forgiveness.
But there’s something that comes to the mouth, but there’s nothing to say.
I’d say he wouldn’t believe it.
My dog, when I left him, he didn’t believe me.
“Sinmo, why are you alive? You’re fucking dead. I’m sorry.
I’ll rip my lips off, “Yeah. I’m fucking with you. I’m sorry.
I don’t know how to piss him off.
Cold robots strangled my neck.
His face was angry and his eyebrow was wrinkled as a hill I could not overcome.
“Semmon, why do you do that to yourself? I’m sorry.
This is the first time I’ve seen him since we met.
And I spit out the hard words: “I have never had the right to choose.” I’m sorry.
He hates me.
If I lived well, he would hate me for leaving him, for vanity and death.
But I’m not doing well.
It’ll make him feel humiliated.
He was obsessed with people like me.
He took me for an ideal, seeking to spend the rest of his life with Us.
The robot’s loose, “You have. Nobody ever forced you. I’m sorry.
I did not argue, but asked him, “Do you know why I came to Myanmar? I’m sorry.
Jiang Yuyuan did not answer.
He pointed to the fire of red, and as he trembled, he fell down on the earth, and was extinguished.
He actually knows.
My voice is light: “I killed Wang Yi.” I’m sorry.
It was a murder, warm, sweet.
As soon as I closed my eyes, the smell was at the tip of my nose.
Because I killed someone, I had to escape to this no-good zone.
“You chose the road, you can’t blame anyone else.” I’m sorry.
I moved my lips and the words of explanation were pale and weak.
Seven years of hate has long been a habit.
It’s not easy to put it down.
12
I’m free. Don’t look out the window.
We’re so close.
But we do have an invisible divide.
I can’t get past him. He won’t come.
I did everything I could to come to him, not for that.
And I heard my voice shudder: “How can you forgive me?” I’m sorry.
He’s been quiet for a long time.
He finally threw me a knife.
“Destroy that tattoo, I look, and it’s disgusting. I’m sorry.
He looked at me so well.
It’s a puppy. It’s in his mouth. It’s a jasmine.
They’re engraved in my chest, the closest position to the heart.
I can see as soon as I fall.
I had a knife, my hands were tight and tight, but I couldn’t move.
I’m holding my hand. There’s no hesitation.
Slashes on the skin.
The flesh and blood burst and the puppy and Molly split up.
And suddenly I cried.
Tears drop on the tattoos and a blood flower blooms.
Actually, I haven’t cried much over the years.
Even if we cry, it’s just to be weak, to be soft, to be painful.
To make yourself comfortable.
But this time, the tears broke out, and it came down.
He questioned me…
“Why are you crying? Why would it hurt?
“This is all I’ve been through. I’ve been through this all these years since you left! I’m sorry.
My father raised it with his own hands, and even if he had nothing, he could make a name in a place like that in North Burma.
He won’t be beaten now.
I didn’t say anything. I did it.
Blood and flesh are blurry.
This tattoo was one year my birthday and I was secretly taken to it.
He was really spoiling me.
It was him who was punished for his mistakes, and it was my sex.
There was a tattoo like that on him.
Not seven years ago.
He cut off that piece of meat in front of me.
It should hurt.
I couldn’t even look back at him then.
I’m afraid when I look back, I’m soft.
My dog must have been in pain for a long time.
He never wanted me dead. He just wanted me to taste what he was.
As he wished.
The knife’s inch deep and it hurts my teeth.
Stop! I’m sorry.
It’s like an angry lion with a hair.
Call Dr. Lee!
He held me up and ran out of the car, and asked me, “Why have you become like this?” I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
Actually, I’d like to ask him why this is happening.
I don’t even know myself anymore.
13
You don’t blame me.
I became his woman, whatever you want.
They all say I’m good at it, and it’s only a matter of time before I’m able to make a big deal out of it.
And those who beat me and called me, now they dare not fart at me.
But as I know, Jiang Yu-gi still hates me.
Seven years ago, our brothers fought hard to get us out.
Dead, wounded.
In the end, it’s just me and the river.
But he was cut off and his right hand could no longer hold the gun.
There are too many people in Green City looking for us to give us to the king.
We’ve been forced to hide.
Green City was snowing for a long time and freezing.
The river is burning.
We’re hiding in a shitty tailhouse, and we don’t even have money for a cure.
I was caught while I was out looking for food.
He’s a total lunatic.
Blame me, I’ve never noticed that he’s hiding behind a mirror.
He said he loved me long ago.
He said he was gonna tie me to him.
The sharp needle sends cold light.
He said, “Mommy, it’s very comfortable. You’ll love this. I’m sorry.
After a short period of dizziness, a white light explodes in the brain.
I can’t tell if this is heaven or hell.
I don’t know how long it took me to wake up.
It hurts.
Zhao’s kiss on me, “How can you not touch me?” I’m sorry.
And then a thought came up, and it came up: I was dirty.
And his next sentence thrust me into a deeper and darker abyss,
“Mommy, will he love you like this? I’m sorry.
It’s not like you were born an orphan.
He had a beautiful, gentle mother and a successful father.
And he loved his grandparents and his grandparents.
Like all the happy children of the world, he was loved by many.
But a fire destroyed everything.
The man who set the fire was an old junkie, and after he smoked drugs, he was hallucinating and set a fire.
The fire made the river an orphan.
In fact, they have nothing to do with it.
It all comes from drugs.
I’m the one he hates most.
How can I ask him to love me?
So when he came to the door, I threw him a fortune and told him I didn’t love him.
I’ll never like a cripple.
He’s got the wrong face, and he’s using the kind of plea I’ve never heard: “Mommy, don’t joke about it…”
I’m laughing, “I’m not kidding. I blame you for being so lame and useless. I’m sorry.
The snow fell.
I got in the car and looked in the rear vision mirror.
He walks as a late old man.
Tick-tock.
And every step of it, he lays out cold and bright clubs.
Snow never crossed his ankle.
Suddenly he fell and fell off a roasted potato in his arms.
My favorite roasted potatoes.
When he left, I had to drive around and pick up the roasted potatoes.
I shot the snow off.
They’re not good at selling potatoes. Half of them are baked.
He baked it himself.
Why did you come to me?
The entrance is cold.
I don’t really have an appetite for it.
Zhao Yicheng took a syringe and put me in his arms, so he reassured me: “It will soon be comforting, Mom, to listen. I’m sorry.
Be good, be good.
He always says that.
Give me a shot when you want me to listen.
When you push me to someone else, you want me to listen.
When you put me on the table, you want me to listen.
Good thing he’s dead. Nobody’s gonna say that to me anymore.
14
When I woke up in the middle of the night, there was a little rain outside the window.
I could not tell whether the wetness of my face was rain or tears.
The river is lying next to me and breathing.
He’s getting weirder today.
It’s always a little cloudy, you know.
After all these years, it looks like we’re in reverse.
He used to trick me, and now I’m moving him.
I love him.
He had a long scar on his chin.
Almost cut the carotid.
I had the guts to kiss that scar when it got strong.
He said I was pretending.
I’m not talking.
He hates me the most, he’s going to kiss me with his jaw.
It’s like a hungry wolf eating meat.
“Anyone can pity me. You have no right, Shem. You have no right. I’m sorry.
I whispered: “It’s heartache.” I’m sorry.
And lo! he was not moving, but he remained silent for a long time.
And when it was almost dawn, he opened his mouth and told me that the scar was that he had offended and had been cut.
Almost killed.
He said, “He is dead, and I shot him with my own hands. He had seven members of his family, and I didn’t spare any. I’m sorry.
Cutting off the roots, he learned well.
His robots play with a lighter and laugh and say:
“Don’t bully the kids. Why do people always get that? I’m sorry.
Do not oppress the young and the poor.
Look, he remembers what I said.
15
It tickles so much.
I couldn’t bear to cough a few times.
All these years too much, and my body is already bad.
I’m in my prime, but I’m stuck with a little pain.
Jiang Yu-chul woke up.
He sleeps very thinly, with a gun on his left hand.
Too many people want him dead, sometimes even the pillowman.
He lit a cigarette and passed it into my mouth.
It tickles a little.
I’m muted, “Does it bother you?” Go sleep over there. I’m sorry.
He wrinkled, he looked so dry, he took away the smoke from my mouth.
Then he strangled my waist and put it all in my mouth.
I choked, I coughed.
“Semmon, don’t show me the big picture. I’m sorry.
His women are many, bright, pure, lovely…
All kinds.
As you can imagine, there are plenty of people who give him women.
Mostly in a play.
There are always exceptions.
That’s the exception.
She’s a pretty little girl, 18 years old, the best.
According to their men, it was a trick to come to Myanmar.
Little girls in the mountains, young, blind and ignorant of the evil hearts of those who cry and go home.
By chance, she ran away for the first time.
Jiang Yu-Chung is impatient when he pulls out his gun.
The barrel of the gun reached her forehead, but he did not pull the trigger.
“The boss was like a ghost and the brothers cried out.
“We thought it was love at first sight. I’m sorry.
The men say it’s beautiful.
And I bended my lips and smiled bitterly.
Then, I didn’t come home, and I went to the castle.
I had the privilege of seeing her once.
I just made up with him. He let me get a yard.
It happens to be a small-minded door to the door.
That afternoon, as soon as I opened the door, I saw a girl wearing a white dress sitting in the opposite yard.
The little girl’s squeaky, probably angry.
He looked down and didn’t know what to say in her ear.
Then I started humming.
He doesn’t sing very well.
And the little girl was in his arms, as I was, laughing so badly and reaching out to cover his mouth.
They’re messing around.
It is probably difficult to imagine that the second-in-command of the largest drug cartel in the north of the country, the impertinent and obscenity of the river, would leave behind a girl in such a way.
He said he’d sing to me alone.
But now, this tender one, he won’t give me any more.
I saw him, and he called me, “Sing sister.” I’m sorry.
There’s a bluntness in the heart.
It’s like someone with an old rusty knife came up and cut back in my heart.
It can’t be cut, but it hurts.
I admit I’m jealous.
I’m jealous that she’s old, that she’s at the best of times, that she’s in love, that she’s in love.
I smiled, I said hello to the river, and I cried when I turned around.
And shut the door, and I covered my waist, and suddenly I was tired.
I look old.
On those days when they were not with him, they were like years.
Counting, those years are over.
He came to me, he spoke and he was naive.
She’s probably well protected.
In places like the north of Myanmar, a garden was built for her by her own means.
She’s never seen blood, she’s never seen dirty stuff.
She lives in the dream he gave her.
He has alienated her from places like the north of Myanmar.
I’m jealous, but I can’t.
16
It’s a very insecure person.
Looks like he’s got a hard-on and a single side, but he’s still childish.
He left the yard door open more than once. Let me see him make love to him.
In front of him, I’m not responding.
I’ve been living in a mask all these years, and it’s not that hard.
Then one night, the river broke into my yard, and his foot kicked through the door, and he said to me, “Do you not care?”
I care.
Nobody cares more than me.
He was my own puppy.
“Amu, I have no right. I’m sorry.
That’s what I’m all about. I can’t ask him.
The fact that he was drunk revealed the fragility that had not existed for a few minutes.
“Then who is entitled? I’m sorry.
He strangled my waist and kissed up.
Wretched, ruckus.
Listen, it’s like a tool.
Do you really like her or do you want to use her to make me jealous?
Maybe he doesn’t know.
But I know.
He likes her.
She has my shadow.
She’s like me when I was 17.
He chased the shadow and couldn’t let go of me.
What a paradox.
When the sun fell on his face, the river was awake.
It’s been a long time since Myanmar, and there’s finally a sun.
I’ve been watching him all night.
When he woke up, I changed my seat.
Half the body is numb.
His mouth scolded him, but his body was honest with me.
And I touched the sour eyes and whispered, “Shall we not do this?” We’ve missed a lot. I’m sorry.
Don’t be mad at me.
That’s not worth it.
He’s moaning, he’s moaning.
“Good. He says:
He seems to be happy with my words, pushing things and taking me shopping.
He bought me a lot of emeralds and said it’s my best color.
At the corner, we met an old lady.
She’s got a big stone and she’s selling it to us.
I don’t know anything about emeralds, I don’t know how to gamble.
It’s interesting to hear about it.
He asked me if I wanted to gamble and the loser promised him one thing.
We used to play this game.
I laughed and promised.
He went up and pointed his flashlight at the cut of the stone and looked and looked.
I laughed at him and said, “You’re so afraid of losing. I’m sorry.
“Fear.” I was not afraid. I lost everything. And now you’re afraid.”
What are you really afraid of?
He didn’t say.
And then I saw a black hole coming out of my old lady’s sleeve.
I almost followed the instincts.
Breaking down the river and blocking the gun.
For years, it had been eroded by drugs, and the body was already very heavy.
I don’t know where I come from, either.
And she was soon subdued, and cried out in her mouth: “You animals who kill and do not blink.” Give me back my son!”
She’s got blood on her body, red with the stone.
She’s staring right at me, and she’s not moving.
Like when the king died.
It’s like Zhao’s death.
Their faces overlap at this time.
A wave of tremors suddenly rose from the tail vertebrae, and I got goose bumps.
I’m in pain and scared.
Screams are heard.
I was picked up all over the car.
The man, who was nearly a metre nine feet away, shuddered with red eyes and spitting words.
“Open your eyes, Mom. Look at me.
“Please, look at me. I’m sorry.
I’d like to tell him that I’m not a big deal.
Just flipping out.
I also wanted to wipe his tears, but I couldn’t make it.
Weird doesn’t work.
17
Eventually we didn’t cut the stone.
It was a time of silence.
He asked me, “Why is this happening?” I’m sorry.
The neon out of the window shines, and his face is perfect, half hidden in darkness and half devoted to the light.
The mother-in-law’s son is a junkie.
The family locked him up and forced him into rehab.
A drug addict’s time, no love, no humanity, no law.
He couldn’t see.
He waved his knife and killed his family.
I left out my wife.
All right now, none left.
I’m not sure if I’m the only one who’s ever been there.
I’m not.
But he asked me why.
Why, why.
We chose the path. We can’t blame anyone else.
I hold him from behind.
I told him, “I will always be with you.” I’m sorry.
Don’t lie to me, he says.
I didn’t say anything. I was kissed so badly.
I’m wounded. He wants to escape.
I didn’t let.
He was so careful when he first touched me.
I went out with him that night for a single business, big business.
He’s been drinking a lot, and the whole guy’s freaking out.
He said I was cold, like ice, and he came up to warm me.
It tastes like booze and I’m a little drunk with it.
There’s a wind coming in the window and it’s getting cold.
He saw my wounds somewhere.
And We cut out the lips, and suddenly We became self-sufficient.
“Arn, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m sorry.
He wrings his eyebrow, and his untold pain is in his eyes.
He told me to stop.
I suddenly had a delusion.
His face is like a thin morning fog.
When I touch it, I’ll disappear and my bones will disappear.
I only whispered to him: “Abraham, Alaim…”
After all these years, I’ve lived like a walking corpse.
It wasn’t until this moment that I really had the temperature.
His tears were burning and I cried too.
“I’m going out and I’m going to cry.” I’m sorry.
That looks like a child who did something wrong.
I haven’t seen him like this in a long time.
Strange.
18
I spent half a month at the hospital, and when I got back to the barn, the small yard was empty.
It’s not just her. The other women are missing.
He said he was more afraid of catching me than hating me.
I’m afraid I can’t keep these good times.
“Mommy, let’s get married. I’m sorry.
This is a request that is many years late.
I said yes crying.
I’m really trying to make it up to you.
I don’t care if I need it.
I want what I can get.
If it’s a little hard for him, it’s just a bit of a trick.
I don’t like it.
I will do so within his permission.
All these years, I’ve come a long way to look at things.
I’ll take it.
So we rarely fight.
There’s no time to waste.
He opened a coffee shop in the barn to make me the boss’s wife.
The coffee shop is always full of flowers.
He was afraid the café would be too cold, and he asked his men to take turns.
I heard that there was a schedule.
Such tenderness would be the case for a man who kills and kills.
Like a family.
“Sister-in-law, we’re all old men, we’re just like drinkers, we can’t drink anything so expensive. I had a drink last night and I’ve been lying open for half a night.” I’m sorry.
I smiled softly and sharpened my coffee beans.
The smell of coffee was so far away that the children in the barn followed it to my shop.
They were forced to stand outside, while their eyes looked in uneasy.
I made some coffee so they could share it.
And so they knew me.
Sometimes you come back early and come to the cafe.
He saw a bunch of kids around me, laughing around my waist.
“Mommy, let’s have some of these kids. I’m sorry.
I’ve had a cup of coffee, and I’ve spilled it.
“I can’t be born. I’m sorry.
I lost my mother’s status long ago.
It’s just a plaything. What do you need it for?
Zhao Yi Xheng has never treated me well.
The atmosphere was suddenly quiet.
I look down and I can’t look into his eyes.
Afraid to see disappointment.
At this moment, I feel like I’m wrapped up in an unwinded plastic.
Even breathing is a luxury.
He put his fist on his side, tight and tight.
I don’t know how long it took him to hold my face and ask me to look him up.
“There are many orphans in the north of Myanmar, and it is not a problem to raise more. I’m sorry.
It’s the hope and the pain.
I know he wants a child of our own.
My father said a long time ago that he’ll be a father.
My dad’s a big old man. How dare he say that.
I’m ashamed to look red, and I look up, and I’m staring at my stomach.
The look of the twilight, even the ear root.
Those days are really, really far away.
And suddenly I cried.
“Okay, raise a few more, have fun. I’m sorry.
19
With him, life goes on fast.
On the day of the wedding, Jiang Yu-gi wore a suit, looked mature and heavy and behaved like a hairy boy.
I’m so excited, I can’t even wear a chest flower.
The men had the guts to laugh at him: “Boss, he’s born and gone.” I’m sorry.
And he looked at me and he said, “Go, I’m going this way! I’m sorry.
“Oh, my sister-in-law, we heard you! Boss said, just once! You two have to grow old! I’m sorry.
How easy to talk about.
I’d rather laugh.
The wedding was so much fun, I invited a lot of people.
His boss Liu Xiao is here.
Neither one of us has a family. He’s got a high ground.
I’ve always been a savage drug lord, laughing, and I’m gonna get a big red bag.
The Wu Ting who met me at the casino didn’t come.
His father and Jiang Yue are old rivals, face and heart.
Wu Tsang still looks like he’s not laughing.
“Uncle, you still have a good heart, and you can pick it up. I’m sorry.
I gave him a big mouth, “It’s a good day, Wu Ting, I’ll give you a break. I’m sorry.
“I brought a gift, Uncle, and you will thank me.” I’m sorry.
River Yuen only lets people watch him and don’t ruin the wedding.
During the exchange of wedding rings, the large screens on the stage suddenly began to broadcast photos automatically.
I’m exposed.
The ring rolls around the stage and falls into a crack.
“Sam, tell me that this is not true.” I’m sorry.
I’ve only heard this tone seven years ago on the same snow night.
Pity.
It’s true.
I’m a police informant.
I’ve never chosen the right road in my life. That’s the right way.
It’s just a shame that the undercover cop I met was caught by Wu before the wedding and killed.
The last picture was his death.
I lost one tooth in my mouth and several holes in my head.
Red, white flowing all over the land.
He’s alive and in pain.
I can’t watch.
Wu Tsing hip-hop smiles: “Uncle, you have feelings for this woman, you don’t have to do this, you die.”
“I believe in Uncle, you’re not an undercover. I’m sorry.
“My boss is in this bitch’s way.” I’m sorry.
It’s the first time I’ve seen so many guns pointed at me.
The river seems to be aging at this moment.
He didn’t look at me again.
“It’s my family, I’ll take care of it myself. I’m sorry.
It’s been such a long time.
20
Drug traffickers use too much torture against police and informants.
I can’t hold on to a water cell, a electric shock.
“The other cops I talked to are dead.
“I’m afraid of pain. Give me a break. I’m sorry.
I didn’t talk, I just smoked.
When his feet were covered in smoke, he turned up and asked me, “Why?” I’m sorry.
Why, why.
I did not reply, but I asked him, “Did you not ask me why I am still alive?” I’m sorry.
If he doesn’t speak, I’ll say it myself.
“Amu, I lived for you for the last five years. I’m sorry.
Seven years ago, Zhao was right. I was afraid that the river would hate me.
But I never doubted his love for me.
Even if it’s dirty and broken, I want to go back.
If the dog doesn’t love me because of this, then I love him.
But Zhao Yicheng also said, “There are people looking for him, and he can’t live. But as long as you stay with me, I promise you, I will send him abroad to make him feel comfortable for the rest of his life. I’m sorry.
I believe it.
I was already in the mud.
The moist, sticky dirt, slit my nose and mouth.
I can’t call for help.
I can’t save myself.
At that point, only Zhao Ying extended his hand to me.
I think it’s time I did something for the dog.
He said he wanted to open a coffee shop full of flowers.
He said he liked rain.
The smell of rain, flowers and coffee mixed, and that was his most desirable taste.
I thought he’d live that way.
So I’d rather he hated me.
I’d rather bear a heavy and vicious curse.
On the day of farewell, We stood by Zhao’s side, even though he had cut off his flesh and turned back.
But Zhao lied to me.
He left him with the murder charge and sent him to Myanmar.
He’s going to torture him to death.
In this human-eating place, the river has never lived the life I wanted him to have.
We’ve all become the worst of ourselves.
Stupid.
Bad luck.
“I know when he lied to me, you’ve arrived in Myanmar.
“I never thought you’d survive in a place like this. Since then, I’ve been thinking about revenge.
“I was so scared of pain and lived in that purgatory for five years.
“It took me five years to return the five fingers that you had been cut off.
“In those five years, I had a bad time. I’m sorry.
No man, no ghost.
Sometimes I feel like I’m just a ghost in human skin.
Can’t break the present, can’t see the future.
I’ve got a tight fist.
He said he knew I was not well, he wanted to make it up to me.
He said he was sorry he didn’t find out what I was doing and hated me for so long.
He says he’s useless, he’s a loser.
21
Zhao Yicheng died, I killed him. I’m sorry.
I only killed him.
I lied to you. I didn’t touch the royal gift.
The king’s manners were so vicious that the police were already watching.
I did not kill him except to escape to the north of Burma.
After Zhao’s death, I’m ready to kill myself.
Ling saved me.
She’s an aggressive lawyer.
She said it wasn’t my fault.
Too many times, too many times, I want to die.
Ling pulled me back.
She’s the few good people I’ve met in my life.
She said I was like her sister.
So she served as my life-saving straw.
When I had nightmares, she held me in her arms and told me stories.
When I was addicted to drugs, she tried so hard to bite my tongue that I bit her, grabbed her and beat her.
I hurt, she hurts.
Stupid.
I never met my mom.
It was the first time I smelled mother’s love in a person.
It’s addictive.
Then I came out of rehab and looked for her with joy.
Her dad told me she was dead.
The man who was in his prime, but had white hair, was suddenly shaking, his hands were covered in his eyes, and he cried silently.
Tears sewn down his fingers and fell into the dust and were missing.
That’s when I knew Ling’s dad was a narc.
Her sister died in retaliation from a drug dealer, was shot and then jumped directly from the roof after being addicted to drugs.
And this time, revenge comes more intense.
The whole Lin family, he’s all alone.
And leave him alone, and leave him alone, pain and guilt, and torment him to devour him.
Human torture, however.
Then the DEA found me.
I knew he was still alive. On the contrary, he was in the north of Myanmar.
I have a mission.
I don’t have much ambition, I don’t have any ambition.
But you have to live your whole life.
For the first five years, We lived for the river, for ransom and revenge.
I live for Lin Ling.
“So I don’t owe you anything anymore. I’m sorry.
The air was silent for a long time.
He said, “Well. I’m sorry.
“But you still owe me. I’m sorry.
I stood in his way.
“You’re gonna give it back to me.”
He’s not talking this time.
I look up to the night sky.
The night was heavy, and no starlight was seen.
Sometimes I feel lucky enough.
Every time I swim around the edge of death, someone pulls me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too bad.
Why is it so hard to live?
Forget it, forget it.
I owe them.
22
I was brought to Liu Biao and kneeled straight.
“Phu, she saved me. She stopped the gun for me.
“She’s been through a lot over the years. She thinks I’m dead. She wants revenge for me.
“She has blood on her hands, the police have made her an informant, she can’t do it or she dies in prison.
“Phu, you told me that man had been informed of the reward.” I’m sorry.
He cut off his thumb and asked for my life.
“The muslim alive for Ling Ling is dead, and now your life is mine.”
“I want you to live and live. I’m sorry.
He’s going to send me out of Myanmar.
I don’t want to.
“You know better than I do what those people do. I can’t live out here. I’m sorry.
Without him, many will rid me of this scourge.
Besides, I can’t live alone. I’m sorry.
He said yes, he protected me.
He let me live.
But he had to show them.
He locked me up in a cage and kept me away from outsiders.
He’ll scold me and no one will call my sister-in-law.
He loves and hates me. He likes to torture me.
He’s got more women, all kinds of them.
They always jump in front of me.
I don’t really care.
I’ll wait a little longer.
This is another three years.
Because of me, Liu Biao and he have given birth, not as much as before.
It took three years to restore that trust.
It took three years to wait for a good time.
23
In the past few years, the eye angles have grown more and more.
He always cried in front of me.
No tears, just red eyes.
It’s a sticky puppy.
He said he was sorry, didn’t give me a decent wedding.
I kissed his lips and said it wasn’t a big deal.
He kept asking me if it hurt.
I shook my head: “This is the end of the day. I’m sorry.
He always held me to sleep.
We sleep together, we’re close, we’re holding tight, like we’re taking life from each other.
One day I woke up at a nap and saw what he was commanded.
It’s a long way away. I can’t hear you.
Jiang Yu-chul knows my problem. Just look at me and go on.
When he got close, I asked him what he said.
He’s kidding me. Want to be a big brother woman?
I know.
He never wanted to bow down.
I say you live.
He told me not to worry. It’s no big deal.
Liu Xiao is too old to be angry.
He said it’s just to solve a Liu Biao, it’s simple.
A few days later, there was a fire in the barn.
I died in that fire.
When I woke up, the car got upside down and I was lying in a truck full of cigarettes.
I know you lied to me.
It’s not that simple.
I learned my lips because of my ears.
I saw him tell his men to take me to the border between Central Myanmar and the safest country in the world.
And I saw him saying, “I have to give her a secure life, and she has to live in the sun.” I’m sorry.
Silly boy.
Even if you’re the boss, we can’t live in the sun.
He left a letter.
He gave me a new identity.
He bought me a lot of valuables.
Property, gold, jewellery…
That’s enough to make me happy for 10 years.
He’s planning a lot for me, except for forgetting that he loves me.
He wants me to stay and accept his arrangement.
He said he’d come back for me, and he wanted me to wait, if he could, until he was pale.
He wants me to live.
This time, to live for yourself.
“You will live a long life. If you feel lonely, raise a few children. I’m sorry.
It’s the worst curse he ever said to me.
He lied to me, he lied to me.
He had no intention of coming back alive.
I gotta find him.
I know, I have to find him.
24
Liu Xiao’s daughter got married and invited a lot of people.
They’re all bad guys.
The wedding took place on a cruise ship and the cruise ship drove on the Mekong River.
Jiang Yu-ryun intends to act this day.
He feared for my safety and sent me out of Burma first.
I know he drugged me, but I drank the tea.
I stayed in Myanmar, but he was tied up.
So I’m very far away.
But now I have to go back to him.
I rented a boat with an engine on the Mekong.
I don’t know if I’m gonna make it.
When the sunset is about to fall, the Mekong is red.
Blood is red in the river.
The boatman won’t move forward.
I took the jade bracelet off to him, let him dive and keep looking.
Right eye jumps.
I saw that luxury cruise.
Shots continued, and stray bullets wiped my cheeks.
There are cops on board, lots and lots.
No wonder I’m being sent away.
He lied to me.
He’s dealing with him. He’s never been Liu Xiao.
He was against everyone on the cruise ship.
Yeah, well, a drug dealer, who knows how to get me a clean new identity.
That’s what he said, to live in the sun.
Stupid people have always been me.
But when did he become an informant to the police?
I don’t know.
He’s so secretive that I’m not.
25
Heart beating.
I know he’s not a corpse lying on deck.
I was lucky to find him in a room.
The body of Wu Ting reached the doorboard.
When I pushed the door open, I saw only a shadow that fell on the back.
I’m sure that’s him.
I didn’t hesitate to jump into the river.
Heaven is good for me. We found a boat.
I tried so hard to get him on the boat.
He’s just like he woke up in a dream. I’m sorry.
I nod my head, undressed him and stopped the bleeding.
The blood can’t stop.
Really can’t stop.
His body is getting colder.
He saw the wound on my arm and whispered, “Does it hurt?” I’m sorry.
I told him to stop talking.
He won’t listen to me.
His eyes were bright, filled with stars.
“Mommy, I did good once. I’m sorry.
I said yes, you’re a good man.
He just raised his mouth and suddenly pulled it down.
He covered my eyes and told me not to look.
I’ll just close my eyes.
He sneered and asked me why I came.
He said that the police had promised him that when he died, they would tell me that he was just missing.
“Alas, it won’t fool you this time. I’m sorry.
He also said that the stone had been cut and he had won.
“You have to promise me something. I’m sorry.
Okay, I said yes.
He must have laughed.
“Live, have a child with you, the child with my last name. I’m sorry.
I said yes, long ago I thought of the name of the child.
I asked him if he liked boys or girls.
He didn’t answer me.
So We said to ourselves, “Shall we have one each?” I’m sorry.
His hands were down.
Whatever I call him, he won’t wake up.
I think I fell asleep.
He’s still trying to trick me.
The Mekong River is quiet again.
I don’t know where the song came from. Far away, I can’t hear it.
There’s probably someone singing that kid’s favorite song.
And We leaned on his chest, silently therein, and there was no sound.
My ears are bad.
The canoe flows down.
The sun came out and the first morning light lit his pale face.
It’s the same as when you’re a teenager.
I suddenly thought about the wedding day.
He’s so glamorous and he’s coming at me.
The best things in the world are in his arms, and he gives me a mind.
Great.
I shake him, tell him it’s dawn.
He didn’t respond.
I scream, I’m sick. Get up.
He didn’t move.
He was like ice. I hugged him all night and he wasn’t warm.
That’s why I have to admit…
He couldn’t wait till dawn.
He can’t wake up.
He’s dead.
There was a drop of rain and suddenly it fell.
The clouds are crying.
In the end, he didn’t feed me a proper wedding.
We didn’t, either.
I looked up and suddenly I didn’t know where to go.
That’s it, that’s it.
This life is too long.
That’s it, that’s it.
I’m sorry, I lied to you this time.
End – Record number: YXX1ogBK8Azi5Ddkp1sdPdj
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
