What is the saddest marriage you know? – What?
I used to feel sad about my mom’s marriage, and then I knew I was sader than her. The most painful of sober people. I told my mom that my husband was outside.
It’s a statement, and I didn’t tell her to help me or anything, and she reacted so fast, “How is it that little Wai’s kid, he looks so honest, don’t think about it. I’m sorry.
“The girl came to the door. I’m sitting across from her and going on.
“What about you? You’re not going to divorce him, are you? Where do you live after your divorce?”
She looked worried, and I laughed, “No, I was just joking with you. I’m sorry.
In her fury, I left their home.
I don’t think I have anywhere else to go.
So I stood in the crowd, and everyone had their own place in their hurry, as if I were alone.
My husband and I have been married for four years, and I remember four years before we were married.
When I graduated, I came home to find out there was no room for me, because my brother was getting married, and my parents asked me to stay in the living room, and they said, “You won’t be long, you’ll be alone.” I’m sorry.
When I was with him, I called him with my suitcase, and said, “I don’t think I have a home. I have no room of my own.” I’m sorry.
He came to pick me up, took me to his rental house, told me he’d give me a home.
I married him in that situation.
And there was no ceremony, so he went to get a certificate and went to eat a bowl of beef noodles and he added me a fried egg.
Together we struggle to buy a house, to calculate costs, and in order to save rents, we live in isolated settlements, often with cockroaches and rats.
We bought a lot of medicine, and it didn’t work, and he kept holding me in his arms and said, “Just be patient and be patient.” I’m sorry.
In the last four years, we’ve moved several times while saving money to buy a house.
Not once has it been satisfactory that we have always succumbed to the realities of each and every time we have put up with it, moving from one room to another.
We finally got the down payment. We’re moving in next month.
But last night, a girl added me.
She told me not to be a little girl. Girls love themselves.
I knew my husband had cheated for over a year.
I don’t know what to do. Go to his theory?
I shook my hand, I was a coward, and I didn’t even have the courage to confront him.
I’m just in a hurry to tell him that my mom’s not feeling well and I’m going back.
He’s playing games with his cell phone. He doesn’t even lift his head.
Two.
Now that I’m out of my parents’ house, I’m facing the same problem again, “Where am I going? I’m sorry.
It’s a little cold in the winter, and it’s tight in my coat. I don’t know where to go.
For four years, in order to make money, I spent all my energy on work, which left me with almost no friends. I don’t want them to know.
I refused. Tell her to meet and talk tomorrow.
I have to figure out one thing: how my husband cheated.
Send me the girl.
I bought a good meal and went home with sleeping pills.
He started complaining about my waste of money, and I told him because I thought you were working hard to make up for your body.
“What do you like about me?” I’m sorry.
He’s a little impatient, “How long have we been together, asking. I’m sorry.
I went on to ask, “Why were you with me? I’m sorry.
He didn’t even come back. He kept playing with his cell phone and eating.
We’re still living in a single rental house with a bed, a closet and a table.
We were eating on the table right now, and I saw myself through the mirrors on the closet, and I was chubby because of the oil on my face and a bit of a mess in my hair, and I couldn’t get sick of it.
For the last four years, I’ve only had one goal: to make money to buy a house, and I haven’t looked in the mirror for a long time.
No wonder! I didn’t even know my husband cheated.
“Have you heard a word…” I don’t know why when I asked that question, I was a little suffocated and I didn’t do it after he cheated last night.
But now, when I ask that question, my throat looks like a jack.
I put up with the urge to cry.
He seems to have finally noticed something wrong with me and stopped eating. And he looked up to me, and said: What is the matter with you? Your mother says:
“No, I want to ask you something. I’m sorry.
Say it!
I asked, “Have you heard a word about hunger, hunger, panic, cold clothing, and poverty?” I’m sorry.
He stood there, but for a few seconds, he got angry and asked me, “What do you mean?” You think I’m poor now? You don’t look at yourself in the mirror. I’m sorry.
A poor word cuts his pride like a sickle.
It’s 6:00 p.m., and it’s like a steam room in a rental room, and to save electricity, air conditioning is usually half an hour until it’s too hot.
He’s staring at me with anger, his face, his sweat, his mouth and his mouth.
We’re facing each other, but I don’t have the strength to fight at this point, I’m just tired.
“Can you keep your voice down? Don’t let anyone rest! I’m sorry.
The one-room girl who knocked on our door was ridiculous enough. I’m 27 and I don’t even have room for a fight.
Why did I live like this?
I took a deep breath and tried to control my emotions: “You need luck because you chose to share the rent, so you want to sleep at 6:00 in the afternoon. And I chose to share the rent, so I had no room to fight with my husband. I’m sorry.
“Crazy!” She scolded and left.
Because of her presence, the confrontation between me and my husband is over. He took his clothes for a bath and left me a mess on the table.
If I used to clean the battlefield, I’d leave it there today.
I’ve come to see myself in the mirror, and I can hardly recognize myself.
When did I become like this?
After he took a bath and saw the chopsticks on the table, of course he did. I’m sorry.
“What makes you think I should do it? Was I born to wash and cook? Did you pay me for my work? I asked him again and again as if I was asking myself.
“Fuck me! Forget it! Lame, you’re out of your mind today. I’m out of your mind. I’m sorry.
See? He thinks it’s a bad thing to do something like this, and I’m not doing it for so long.
III
He slept well at night because of the drugs, and I opened his cell phone with Wigand’s fingerprinting, which was the first time I looked at him after my marriage, and probably the last time.
I saw him. He gave that girl a “baby boy!” What are you thinking? How can we not eat? I’m sorry.
He gave her the Y family lipstick, gave her the C family bag, bought her a tablet in order for her to study, and made it easier to check.
My phone’s working really hard. He told me to hold on for a while.
I gave myself a lipstick on my birthday, and he said you girls are vulnerable to those consumerist traps.
I’m not a consumerist trap. I’m being played by such a mean excuse.
I also turned to last month’s heavy rain, when he drove to pick up the girl, and I took a bus to save dozens of dollars to get my ass out of it.
He came back before me just for a few seconds and said it was raining.
How come he doesn’t know it’s so heavy that he can pick up people and I sarcasticly rained back into this broken house.
I couldn’t be in the same room with him, packed my bags, left the house in the middle of the night.
We found a hotel, we had an hour.
There’s a mess in my head, and I can seem to think of how he treats that girl, how sweet he is, how he spends money for her.
It’s not that I’m caught in a consumerism trap, it’s that man who thinks I’m worth nothing, that I spend anything on myself, that he’s wasted in his eyes.
I decided to meet the girl.
I went to see her with my marriage certificate.
On the coffee shop table, I put my marriage certificate directly on it.
Her face was so full of cards, she looked at me and her hands were shaking.
“If it’s okay, I can go now! “I’ve taken the papers, and after all, I need them for my divorce.
And suddenly she stopped me. “Young girls are glazed with protein, and the big eyes are looking at me.
It’s no wonder Wang Weisser didn’t want her in the rain. I’m sorry.
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know. He told me he was single and I was going to introduce him to my dad. “The girls bow down and blame themselves.
I saw the red Porsche she was parked outside, and I saw my client drive the car, at a market price of over a million, and a girl can drive like this at around 20, no wonder Wang Wai’s rushing up.
I looked at her face and suddenly changed my mind: “I want to divorce him, can you help me?” I’m sorry.
“How?”
I looked into her eyes and said, “You don’t have to do anything except let him know that we met.” I’m sorry.
That’s it?
“Yeah, it’s that simple, but if it’s not too much trouble, give him some hope, so we can get away faster. I’ll continue.
“What good is it that I do this?” I’m sorry.
I laughed at her and said, “There is nothing to gain, but nothing to gain from Wang Wei.” I’m sorry.
She didn’t talk. I knew she would do what I said.
How can a girl’s self-esteem, who lives so well, tolerates being trampled on, how can she be asking me to forgive, just trying to test my approach?
I didn’t go back to the rental house, came out of the hotel and rented myself a house. I don’t have much time to make amends. I have to go to work.
I don’t work, I can’t pay the rent, I don’t work, I may not eat, I can only work now.
A week after I moved out, Wang Wai found me at the company.
May! What’s the matter with you? His skin’s still a little bit of a tweak, and when he says that, he’s in love.
The girls in the company looked at it.
I suddenly remembered that he used to use it to put private things up in public and force me to do it.
When I went to college, I didn’t think I’d be with him, he put a heart-shaped candle under the dormitory, with roses and told me how much he liked me.
And so did the crowd, and they started to say, “Believe him!” Promise him!”
And then two roommates told me that a man so handsome was willing to let go of his face for you.
But then I was really a little hesitant, and I didn’t feel how much he liked me.
Now I see why he did it.
I was famous when I was studying, and I received the scholarships year after year, and I did all kinds of part-time work, and I heard people talking about who would be blessed with me.
It is a blessing for them, because I save things and have a good price, and with Wang Wei I want nothing to burden him, and I fear nothing to trouble him.
I asked him what he liked about me.
He said he liked me to be independent.
He didn’t like me to be independent, he liked me not to cause him any trouble, he liked someone who couldn’t take his family’s condition seriously and spend his time with him, and when it was the hardest time, we both had one and half a bag.
I didn’t do what he wanted this time, didn’t he?
I’m on the ground, and I’m crying. “Please don’t hit me. I will never interfere with you and her.” I’m sorry.
There is no justice in matters between husband and wife, but it is for who is better to say! He wants to play a warm husband, I’m not! I’m not only gonna expose him to cheating, but I’m gonna give him a bad hat.
He looked at me suddenly, and his gentle face finally broke.
The male colleague who tried to pull me up quickly separated him.
I’ve known Wang Wai and I for so many years, how could I not have guessed he’d come to the company? Instead of asking him to come to me, I’ll do it in advance.
I’ve been showing bruises in my office lately. I did it myself. I don’t want to lose my job because of marriage, I need compassion, and I need more than ever before he won’t get into my company.
But I never said in my office that my marriage had a problem, and I just let them guess that they’d think of themselves.
I have less and less to rely on in this city today, and I’ve been with colleagues for two years, and we all know each other, and I took Wang Wei before the company was built.
I’m just doing this, hoping Wang Wai won’t bother me again.
Four.
Back to my rental house, Wang Wei kept calling and I still didn’t pick up any of them.
He texted me and asked me if I was doing something to that girl, that I didn’t want to hurt her, that something came for him.
Don’t hurt her. It’s ridiculous! The first thing my husband did is fear not that I knew he was cheating, but that I might harm his lover.
He came after me. He told me he’d give me a home.
This man destroyed all my expectations. No! Perhaps from the very beginning, he just wanted to choose his wife at a higher price, just like the rental houses we had moved, and we abandoned it while living with it, because we had no better choice for now.
And now that Wang Wai has a better choice, it’s time to move.
Soon I got a call from my mother, and she said, “Oh man! Sneaking is always inevitable, and I’m not 18 anymore, I’m almost three, and I don’t have a head. I’m sorry.
I said only one thing: “Mom, if you feel your conscience and say to me that you have never regretted marrying my father, never having given birth to me and my brother, I will swallow it.” I’m sorry.
She stopped at the end of the phone for a while, and she said, “You’re crazy!” Read you stupid!
Hanging up the phone and at night, Wang Wai keeps texting: “What do you mean, we’ll get divorced, and it’s no big deal if you hide from me. I’m sorry.
And this time I returned to him: “I will not divorce you for years. Why don’t you look at that little sister who can wait for years?” As long as I don’t sign, the marriage will never be divorced. I’m sorry.
He called again, this time I answered.
“What do you mean, your mother said you were determined to divorce. I’m sorry.
“I changed my mind! You’re so good! I’m a woman who’s going to run three times, and I’m going to take care of you! I’m sorry.
“Then you move out! He seems impatient.
I’m used to his temper, and I’m a bitch.
“I moved out because you’re disgusting! I’m sick of being in the same room as you, and remember, I’m gonna leave, and if I don’t, you’ll never marry that girl again. I’m sorry.
He finally softened his attitude, “Please, Lime, don’t go to her. She’s a very simple girl. I’m sorry.
I couldn’t hear more. I hung up.
The girl’s going to send it.
“What are we?”
She hasn’t returned to me. I can barely hold my hand on my phone.
One thing, the more you want, the more you pay. I’m waiting for Wang Wei to get a divorce.
Five.
Wang Wai will send it to me from time to time
My mom called me with a big bag, and my mom called me, “Hey, girl, has your dad come to pick you up yet?” I’m sorry.
“When did my dad say to pick me up? I’m sorry.
I drove myself home, saw him and my cousin, and we looked at each other. “Come back!” He greeted me. It seemed awkward.
But I’m used to it. He’s always been.
I just came home from work, once I didn’t get a ticket, and at 7:00 p.m. I was in my town, and I waited over an hour on the road, and he came to pick me up and asked me if I had a problem and had to make it so late.
But I remember winter, when my cousin came back from out of town, and he rode in the middle of the night.
My cousin is my sister-in-law’s child, and our house is not far apart.
So every time she came back, my dad picked her up.
She’s a few years younger than me, and my dad sent her back to school.
At dinner, my brother asked me if I was really getting a divorce and asked me how much I could get and what my plans were. My father duly stated that living in the town was not well, that the city was better, that medical conditions were good, and that my mother was a doctor after she got sick.
Why don’t you go live with my brother?
My dad threw a bowl over the table, and I knew I couldn’t trust having a daughter.
Can’t hold it? Who paid for your medicine all these years? Who did you buy my mom’s clothes for four seasons a year? Does $1,500 a month cost of living fall from the sky?
I’m a college graduate, I’ve signed up for my job, but I’ll be waiting another month to report. You said I was at home for lunch.
I don’t even have a good breath.
My dad was so mad he was gonna come and beat me up, he yelled at me and said he knew to look at all that old shit, and my mom pulled me to the kitchen.
My mom and I just finished in the kitchen and they’re almost ate on the table.
I look at it as if it’s been in my mind a million times before.
I hate their birthdays. I hate New Year’s. I hate any holiday.
Because once that happens, me and my mother are like servants from the old society who have smuggled in, and we have to be busy from morning to night, so that they can enjoy themselves and then clean up the battlefield.
I’ve had enough of these days.
I went back to my mom’s house to get my bag.
I saw my brother’s kid drawing my bag with a brush. That was my best friend’s birthday present.
He looked up and saw me, still pretending he didn’t see me, and kept drawing.
I walked over there and threw a piece of his toy on the floor, it was a deformed King, and it broke a hand on the spot.
He looked at me a little bit weird, and I put some feet on it.
He cried so loud.
My brother came in very quickly, and the bear boy ran into his father’s arms, crying, “My aunt bullied me.” I’m sorry.
My brother only comforted his son by saying, “What are you doing with a child?” I’m sorry.
I told him you could fight me. I can pay for toys. And he smiled, and he said, “That’s so cool! “I took a look at that toy, which my colleague had bought for her son before.
So I went on to say, “I can pay, but your son broke my bag, and you will pay for it.” “The D family’s logo is obvious.
He stunned, “Are you real? I’m sorry.
“Yes! There’s an invoice! I smiled back and said:
“Yes, you can! You can spend so much on your own, and you can’t spend it on your parents.” He was angry and scolded at me, and his sense of justice was in ruins.
“Why don’t we take a look at how much you spent on Mom and Dad over the years? How much have I spent on my parents? I’m sorry.
I say that he has just lost his oily sense of justice.
At this point, my mother appeared, and she watched as we were in the crossfire: “Limme, how old are you and how old are you when you’re a kid? * She read them like words * * while she was packing up the floor and saying them in pieces *
They’re all afraid I’ll bully whoever I want. Why am I so good? If I’m really that good.
“Lin Zimin, you say with your conscience, who have we been bullying? “I questioned my brother, but before he spoke, my dad came out.
He said: Is there something wrong with you? When you get home, you’ll be in trouble. Are you sorry? I’m sorry.
I can’t afford to argue again, so the children are determined to look at the right and the wrong, not knowing that what you do is right in the eyes of those who love you, but wrong in the eyes of those who hate you.
My name was randomly taken, and my dad went to get a birth certificate, and he saw a map of plum on the wall, and he finalized my name on the spot; my brother’s name was taken by a friend who spent $88 to teach.
I didn’t get it when I was a kid. I wanted to fight my brother.
Every time I tried hard, I thought I’d take the top of my class and they’d be happy and look at me.
In fact, I’m not as happy as the first few, even the first.
Six Wang Wai didn’t last until a month and asked for a divorce. This time he gave me the terms, left me the house, gave him the car, put us in half.
I turned down the deposit offer and told him that I had more of our average salary over the years than he had. It was as if the gunpowder had been lit, and he came out of his gust and yelled at me, “You’re good! You’re good! You’ve earned more than a man. No one wants you, and your parents don’t like you without a man. You’ve got nothing to lose anyway. I’m sorry.
I have not hesitated to accept that the decisions made in anger will not take advantage of the pros and cons.
I used to protect his self-esteem, and I never said anything about salary.
But I don’t want to think for him anymore, I just want to hurt him with all the words I can think of, and I won’t hesitate to say anything that can hit him.
The same goes for him, who used to deliberately avoid the subject of my family, but now he wants to stab me with this knife.
When two people like it, they tell each other their secrets, but no one knows at that time, and when they split up, they put a sword through each other ‘ s chest.
We quickly completed the formalities and he apologized to me at the end of the day, saying he was sorry that I should not have said that. But you’re really strong. You work hard to pay your parents monthly; you’re afraid you’ll take advantage, but we’re married! You never trusted me, never relied on me.
He said that it was frustrating.
I didn’t want to respond, but I don’t know why. It’s probably ridiculous. I asked him, since you know my mind, did you ever tell me that? Have you thought about me in your life? How many times did you cook for me? How many times have you picked me up? Who were you picking up when it rained last month and I took a bus home to save money?
You blame me for being too strong, but what can you do to stop me being so strong?
He was asked by me without saying anything, except one sentence: “You think life is a contest, so wish you always to be the winner.” I was left alone.
At night I got a call from my mother, who asked me why I wouldn’t tell her about the big divorce, or Wang Wai told her, and asked me if I was a mother.
I said, “Mom, I’m tired. I’d like to quit for a while. Can I stay home? I’m sorry.
She doesn’t know how to talk on the phone.
I kindly told her that it was a joke.
They always say I’m strong and I don’t know how soft. But I need to be soft! I have nothing but myself.
Wang Wei did a great job. He told my mother about our division of property. He was afraid I’d live well.
My mother was crying and hanging with me, asking me to add her and my dad’s names to the house, and she said that I’d marry again, and that would be the joint property of the couple. I asked her how she knew so much, and whoever taught her, she started to back me up.
How could I not know who taught her?
But how can I promise her? Wang Wei’s story made me understand that I can’t give all my expectations and aspirations to anyone but myself.
I asked my mother, you know why I treat you so well?
She did not speak, and I went on to say, “The first thing I wanted was for your attention, for your appreciation, for my love as my brother did, and then for you.” You say I owe you, I’ll pay you back early. Do you think I’ve given you more than you gave me all these years? I’m sorry.
You raised me to the age of 18, and I made my money in college, and you raised my 18 years, and if it’s worth it, it’s not necessarily who we owe.
She started crying at the end of the phone, saying why I counted so clearly.
Am I to figure it out? I’ll talk to you about relationships, you talk to me about money; you talk to me about relationships when I tell you accounts.
I’m all wrong.
Seven girls confirmed that I was divorced from Wang Wei and asked me to sell the house and leave the city.
I asked her what she wanted to do.
She said she would pay the price if her parents knew that Wang Wei was worse.
Even if it was her.
It’s in what environment to grow up so confident. I’m confident that her parents will protect her with all their heart, unlike I have to worry about my parents’ side of Wang Wei.
I quickly applied to the company for transfer to the province and sold the house.
I don’t have a sense of direction either, but I know it’s gonna be a lot of trouble for me to stay here until the girl gets out.
I came to S.C. for six months and got a call.
My mother called me. She talks to the left and the left.
It took me a long time to tell her she was sick and asked if I could go back and see her. I had no reason to panic for a moment, and it was the custom of our family that, except for my brother’s illness, others were able to delay their illness.
For example, I had mid-ear disease in high school, which could have been treated in a timely manner, but was diverted to a variety of small medical institutions, where a hard-wired child dragged one of his ears to a drum perforation.
I took my annual leave and bought a ticket home.
My mom’s been in the county hospital for a while. I didn’t go home. I took my suitcase to the hospital.
She saw me running away with a smile: “How expensive is your ticket back here?” You’re late for work. I’m sorry.
Her face is yellow and her lips are dry.
I didn’t say anything. Look at her like that. My eyes are red.
All these years, I’ve been telling myself that all I have to do is do what I have to do, but when I really see her in a bad way, and I see her in that way, I still feel like I’m sick and sore that I can’t let my tears come out.
I was close to her and she held my hand tight.
She used to be a little chubby, but we hadn’t seen each other in six months, and she was so skinny, she held my hand, except for a cocoon.
She smiled hard and looked at me and looked down at her head, and said, “I didn’t mean to call you back. I was afraid I would never see you again.” I don’t know how much your boss is charging you I’m sorry.
I didn’t answer her. I asked her what she was doing.
She hasn’t said anything yet, and my dad’s got a history. I smoked a cigarette and threw out a big cigarette ring: “Hey! It’s bad luck to drink cold water! She’s got a tumor in her uterus. That’s why I told you to come back and watch.
My father said, intermittently, that he said that while smoking, the whole room smelled like smoke, and I asked him to get out and open the window.
I asked my mom if she’s only seen it in the county, and she said she’s seen a couple of homes, and she says it’s mammoth.
I asked her why she didn’t go to the city or the provincial hospital.
She just said, “That’s expensive!” I’m too old for this. I’m sorry.
I asked her again, do you really want to live?
She didn’t answer this time, she just kept her head down.
I saw tears falling on the covers, as if they had fallen on my heart. I didn’t feel so bad when she used to beat me up and yell at me.
I’ve said so many times that one day I’ll make her regret it.
But how can I make her regret it?
I asked her again. Where’s Lin? She was too busy holding my hand: “Don’t blame him. The family has to eat, not to say that it’s all around me.” I’m sorry.
I don’t blame him, she’s afraid I blame him. This feeling of weakness makes me feel like I can’t breathe.
I looked at the medical records and just said it was a long thing. It was a tumor. It was a film. The infusion was an anti-inflammation drug.
My mother’s eyes were lit, and she asked me, “It’s so complicated, it’s hard to hang, it’s expensive…
She said a lot of things, I didn’t talk, and she said, “What about the money?” Your father’s money, he’s getting old, your brother’s got to feed his family…”
She said a lot of things, and she didn’t dare to tell me to pay, or even look at me.
I breathed deeply and breathed and promised her I’d come out.
She’s not as happy as she thinks, just down, like a child who did something wrong.
So I went to her for a transfer, and my father stopped me and said, “Think about it!” Turn to H Hospital. I don’t have that kind of money. You have to rush. I’m sorry.
I feel like I want to have a big fight with him, but I don’t know what to fight about. I just feel like I’ve had an ear rush. I can’t hear everything.
I looked down and found myself bleeding.
My dad stopped here, and I wiped it with my hands and then I fell.
How can you be so weak? How can it be so hard? God, you’re so unfair.
I found a lot of friends and finally put my mom on a good doctor.
I’ll get her some food.
When she came back, she was packing, and I asked her what she was doing, and she said she felt better. Maybe it’ll be a while.
I stand there and I don’t talk, I just look at her.
“Do you know how much it costs?” It’s not worth it! I’m too old to waste money on me! You’re too young to know. I’m sorry.
I put my food down, and I didn’t even eat it. I’m hungry, but I can’t swallow.
I told her the house was sold and there was money.
She grabbed me very hard and calmed me by saying, “I know you’ve sold the house for money, but it’s too much money to spend here, you can keep your father old or your brother’s future…”
She saw my face cool, and she was busy saying, “Leave it to yourself.” This hospital is a bottomless hole. I’m sorry.
I asked her, “Mom, if it’s your brother who’s sick today, do you want to be treated? I’m sorry.
“What do you compare to this?”
I asked, “What if it was Dad who was sick today?” I’m sorry.
She’s already a little angry. The whole body’s breathing.
And the last thing I asked was, “What if it was me? I’m sorry.
As soon as I said it, I cried.
Our family has always been ranked, and I’m the lowest of my mother’s, and we’re like the livestock we raise to calculate costs and losses and not to make a loss.
I hated her more than once why she had me and why I had to do this to me.
I also looked forward to her and, like other children, to my mother, hoping that she would brush my hair, buy me new clothes, cook me, and take me to sleep.
But her eyes were always on my brother. I was like a helper at home.
I always remember when I was 12 years old, and she was cruel to me.
My grandmother was getting ill, and there was no medical condition in her home in the countryside, i.e. a small clinic.
At first I was taking care of my brother at my grandmother’s. Mom and Dad work outside.
I was worried every day that my grandmother would die in the morning.
So I’m always testing her with my hands.
And then she made a big noise so I could hear it at night.
I knew she wasn’t dead.
I used to take her off to see a doctor.
Last more than a month, my parents came back.
The last two days, my aunts came back.
But my grandmother was scared and wanted to sleep with her.
They don’t want me to go.
I heard my mom say, “What if there’s an epidemic?”
I can remember this sentence for the rest of my life, and I have never had any hope since.
But now I look at her and suddenly think she’s more pathetic than me, because she doesn’t just look down on my daughter, she does the same thing to herself.
She doesn’t love herself. How can she love me as a woman?
She doesn’t love me. She just doesn’t love me.
I stopped arguing with her and just told her that you all felt that it was not worth it, and I thought it was worth it, of course, whether the decision to treat was in your hands, and if you really wanted to give up, I wouldn’t stop it.
But it’s your whole life. We’re mothers and daughters. You’re sick. I sell blood.
I got out of the room after I said so, and I pulled out a cigarette and found a smoking area, and I smoked it.
I didn’t smoke, but I couldn’t sleep all night, and I started learning to smoke.
Maybe it wasn’t good enough. A big smoky smokin’ out of me.
I took the opportunity to bury my head in my knees and cry with joy.
Until the burning smoke awakened me, I put out the remaining tails and dried my tears and went to my mother’s attending doctor.
VIII
My mom’s been in therapy since that conversation. Just told me, you have to tell me how much! I can’t make you into debt, I’m 50 this year, and if I live to 70, I should earn it. She’s a little shy and pale.
By the way, yes, I’m your creditor now, so you have to eat, sleep and work and pay.
Fortunately, my mom’s tumor is benign. Together with the country ‘ s various health policies, our final medical expenses are within my reach.
Of course I quit because of months of delay.
After dealing with my mother, my former leader contacted me.
She began by congratulating me on the fact that I had been invited back to work and promoted. I was very happy at first, but after my mother’s story, I hesitated to say to her that there were some little things to finish and let me think about first.
My dad and my brother came to pick up my mom when we got out.
“Mom, I’m really worried, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.” I’m sorry.
This time, unexpectedly, my mother let go of his hand and pulled me to death, and I felt her holding my hand shaking.
On the table where the family eats, my brother pretends again to ask me about the money that I intend to divorce. He asked, my mother was a benign tumor, and the operation didn’t cost much.
I told him to come over and I told him.
He moved the bench closer to me, and came with his ears, and I looked at him as though he was a favor to me, and slapped him in the face.
“I have endured you for years! I’m sorry.
Quiet in the house.
No one thought I was going to be in trouble at once, and I’ve been holding on and feeling like I’m going to blow up.
I can’t help seeing them both anymore.
I can’t hit my dad.
I’m not just gonna hit him, I’m gonna fight in front of my dad.
My brother was in a state of rage, and I looked at him and said, “You dare to do it today, and I won’t care about anything from now on. Leave it to you. I have a record of all these years of money transfers and expenses, and it’s your turn to take legal action. You try to see if I can do it. I’m sorry.
He stood there and his fist was still there.
I stood up and slapped him again.
This time, my dad finally broke me with the bowl in his hand, and I thought I’d get hit.
The bowl hit her on the forehead and it broke.
I pulled my mom behind me and yelled at my dad, but my throat was stuck like something, and I made a hard sound.
Because I’d be scared to let him fight if that happened.
It’s like a memory that I grew up, but whenever someone yells at me, I’ll be in the spot, and it’ll take a while to come back, as if the memory of the body was like that, and then it was a beating, and the body was just a habit.
But today, I don’t want to do that, I want to try to resist that feeling, and it’s in my imagination that I’m threatening him, “If you dare, I’ll never give you a penny.” I’m sorry.
But in fact, I said that it was intermittent, and it took a lot of effort to express it in its entirety, and I had to hold my fist and bite my teeth tight, even though it was that simple. Even after that, my sweat came out.
And my dad’s fist didn’t fall, and I’ve won, but my tears have fallen.
My mom pulled me out fast, she walked fast, like she was running away.
I was dragged by her like a god. It took me a long time to react and take her to dressing. We didn’t go home. We just walked down the road.
For the first time, we both walk in peace, without those intense emotions, and nobody speaks.
And when she walked out, she suddenly lamented, “It’s not right for me to do that to my father and my brother. Girls are always dependent on their mothers.” I’m sorry.
And I asked her, “What the hell? What can my father and brother do for me? I’m sorry.
She stood there and eventually said that I should not suffer like her, that I had not lived with my grandmother for a few days, that I had grown up and that I had not been close to her.
The main thing is my problem, I don’t like to contact her, I treat her like a stranger or something.
Strangely, it was my father who used to hit her, and my brother who smoked blood, but I was the one she had the biggest grudge against.
She was sick, and I found her the best doctor, gave her maintenance, bought her clothes, and did all I had to do, but, as usual, she felt that all the suffering in her life was because of me.
Would she be better off without me?
I didn’t ask her that question. It doesn’t make sense anymore.
I asked her, “Why can my dad hit you?” Is your marriage certificate your contract? Or do you think your marriage certificate is a contract, so my birth certificate is my contract? Because you gave birth to me, should I let you drain every drop of my blood?
“Why do you cook and wash and clean and he can pick and choose like a man?
“Why do you hate me so much when you’re a woman and two children? I’m sorry.
She stood there and said, “I didn’t have it” to the point that there was some confusion.
I stopped arguing with her and sent her home, and I left the house again.
S. The city’s rented house is still in place, and I have no other place to go now. I’m just tired of doing this.
Back in S.C., I went on a busy life and occasionally spoke to my mother, who complained that my dad always yelled at her, and sometimes even did.
I asked her why she didn’t get divorced. She reacts so hard, she says she’s old enough, and how many people will be watching jokes, and we’ve been talking about this a million times, and I’m numb in the back.
City S is more lonely to me than Chengdu, and fewer people I know every day at 2:00.
I didn’t think I’d run into my husband’s cheater when I went shopping.
I saw a woman in her thirties. And she cried out to her openly, and she said, “Sun Moe, you called me your father’s third child. Aren’t you the third child?” What are you pretending to be?
Sun-ming, who had a temper equal to her, was weak, as if she were a cock that had been punched in the soft side, staring at the eye and confronting the woman.
I didn’t want to mind my own business, but when I saw her holding her hand tight, I remembered she had helped me drag Wang Wai.
She seemed to care so much about it that the proud girl who had stood here before would be scolded.
I suddenly didn’t want to do this, maybe I bowed too many times in my life, so I didn’t want to see her bow.
I just walked over and pulled her around and said, “I can’t believe people like you would be willing to yell at me with their noses.” I’m sorry.
This time, she’s strangely not returning to her head.
In the end, I whispered to her, “I never thought you were a child, and if I didn’t think that none of the people in this world was entitled to such a reputation.” I’m sorry.
In such a light sentence, the unbridled cock becomes a fighter.
She raised her arrogant head, straight up the waistbar.
“You’re a woman who’s been a little girl all her life, so I want you to remember, whether you’re a little girl or a little girl, my father’s property is mine, and you’re useless. I’m sorry.
The woman was so angry and she turned around.
Sun Moe made his eyes towards me.
I look at her funny and don’t talk.
She’s the one with the little red face and the proud saying, “Hmm! Of course I know I’m not a pussy! “Thank you! I’m sorry.
I used to go shopping, but she dragged me around, and I went crazy.
I finally see the happiness of rich people. What if I’m so rich? I have every way to heal the wounds.
We went to a bar tonight and two people started drinking.
This is a strange relationship, and our experience is, by definition, not only a stranger but also an honest one.
She asked me why I helped her, and I asked her why she helped me.
And she frowned and wrinkled, and said, “How dare the scum fool lie to me and I’ll do it to him if I don’t help you.” I’m sorry.
I’ll take a nap next door and listen to her quietly.
After my departure from Chengdu, Wang Wei relied particularly on her and kept telling her he wanted to marry her, but even then he never confessed to the existence of our marriage, which provoked Sun Moe.
Then she started taking Wang Wei to her real circle and getting Wang Wei into it.
When a person starts to feel free to get his hands on it, he never wants to go back to his old life.
It’s so harsh that all Wang Wei’s beliefs were destroyed in such extreme contrasts, and he only wanted to hold on to Sun Moe, the money tree, like a vine attached to a tree, when the tree was withdrawn, he could only fall in the rain.
He was envied, humbled and longed for by the life of those intoxicated.
She also deliberately let her pursuer humiliate Wang Wei and then comfort him.
By the time Wang Wei had become extremely dependent on her, she kicked him out again.
After that, she looked at me and looked at me and said, “What do you say, I’m not good enough? I’m sorry.
She was already a little bit drunk, her eyes were red and there were tears in her eyes, but she was staring hard at her eyes and dying to keep her tears from falling.
I didn’t talk, hugged her.
She finally cried on my shoulder.
“Will my mother blame me? I almost had a baby. She hasn’t been in my dreams lately. I’m sorry.
She told me that her mother had committed suicide because her father cheated. It was all a lie. Her father didn’t care about her except for money. Her mother was gone.
I’m not a comforter. I can only make her cry on my shoulder.
When she cried enough, she asked me why I didn’t comfort her.
Hey! I am more sympathetic to myself as I sympathize with her experience, thank her for her help, because I have to go to work early tomorrow morning.
She has a lot of time and money to heal, and ordinary people like me can only go over and over and over and tell themselves that it’s over.
After that meeting, Sun-mei liked to come and talk to me or play with me.
But most of the time, I’m moving bricks.
She’s not upset either, just waiting for me near the company.
One night, while she was eating in my rental house, I got a call from Wang Wai.
I had ear inflammation when I was a kid, and my hearing wasn’t very good, so I was on speakerphone.
Wang Wai started asking me how I’m doing.
I was a little impatient to ask, “What do you care?”
Sun Moe quietly gave me the best. I was going to hang up. Wang Wei said, “Mima, I was wrong. I missed you so much!” I’m sorry.
For the first time, I found out my name was so disgusting that I couldn’t stand my anger: “I know where Sun Moe is!” I’m sorry.
Sun-ming was busy putting down chopsticks, staring at me and doing the prayer.
When Wang Wei got excited, he immediately asked me, “Where is she?” Please tell me, okay? I’m sorry.
I can’t help but think of Sun’s beauty and tame Wang Wai like a dog.
Wang Wei, I despise you! I’ll take him down after that.
Sun-mei immediately hugged me and flattered me by saying, “My sister was so handsome. I’m sorry.
As Sun became more and more in touch with me, she did not seem to know only about eating and having fun, she had her own career, she was a legal aid worker, but she had no reputation.
Legal aid?
That’s the same subject I studied in college, but I couldn’t wait because it took too long to build up. I was raised by my parents, who waited for me to pay my debt, and there was no time left for me.
And I just got into society, and I had to take care of myself, and I had to get on my feet fast, so I didn’t do my profession, but I did the sales of a listed company.
I looked closely at the current state of Sun Moi’s studio, whose advantage is to have money and professionals, but whose disadvantage is that it is not enough, especially with regard to online operations and the lack of dissemination of videos.
There’s something in my heart that’s trying.
It’s an impulsive thing. I’m almost 30 years old.
I haven’t slept all night. I’ve been thinking about all these years.
It’s like I’ve been going forward, talking about later.
He said he’d come back when I had money.
When I read, I said to myself, “It doesn’t matter what I want to learn, but when I grow up, I’ll be rich.”
But is it really good to grow up?
It seems like I’ve been looking far away, but my life is not long, and far is worth looking forward to, but is it really enough to give up again and again?
And after all these years, I didn’t wait for that far away.
I remember my mother. Why isn’t she divorced? What is she afraid of?
I remember being molested when I was a kid, but I never dared to say it, like I was the one who was wrong, and I said it would be me.
I remember a lot and a lot, and my best friend was beaten and wounded by her parents as a child, and no one ever helped her.
Looking at Sun Moe’s online account, I can’t help but start crying.
There’s a strong will in my heart to tell myself that I want to do this. If there’s no voice, can I be the voice?
I’m a little hesitant, after all, I’m not the one who’s just graduated with visions, and life has already leveled out my few angles, but the desire is raging in my mind and two thoughts are fighting in my head.
Since then, Sun Moe has come to me more often.
She now sometimes writes about the case and even directly asks me what I think.
I couldn’t help but get involved in her discussions and say what I thought.
Many times later, I saw her in the eyes and I knew what she was doing.
After a few months, she paid me.
I was wondering, she said there was a lot of money in traffic, and that my ideas had led her to a lot, and I took a little commercial.
I said you need this money? She says it’s not missing, but it’s just as satisfying as raising a child to buy for herself, and what we do really helps people.
She showed me fan messages and a lot of long personal letters.
For the first time I found out I still had that use.
This feeling of need is something I didn’t have before.
No, I used to be a money-making tool, and every money I made was for the sake of the future and for the money to come home.
But now I’m looking at those late-night messages, and I think there’s something in my heart that’s gonna break out.
Sun-mei has taken a contract from somewhere and asked me if I wanted to do it.
Let me think about it.
In the days under consideration, I kept looking at the accounts on the main platforms.
Eventually, when Sun-mu became impatient, I took the contract I had made.
This time, I’m gonna be a partner if I don’t work.
Sun Moe was surprised, but he signed the contract with me.
I started to re-engineer the propaganda, and Sun-mei’s previous operation had many professionals, which made the account numbers very professional, but lacked some dissemination, and I made some adjustments on that basis.
Based on the nature of legal aid, I promote it through short video stories.
The first theme is domestic violence. The story I wrote was that mother was affected by domestic violence on her daughter, who spent years studying law to help her mother.
It’s probably because there’s so many things in real life that I’m hiding under calm water. Beating doesn’t have to be justified. It’s probably just a drunk vent.
The video resonates with a lot of people, and it’s spread over the Internet, and our studio is starting to be famous.
After the first time, I was lying in bed with tears in my eyes.
Because of the opening up, the road behind us is going well, and I went to the bar.
Sun-ming told me that because of the better we did, we had a very good studio to work with, and I went with her to see the person in charge.
It’s actually my college senior, Zhou Gyu.
I remember when we were collecting money for a schoolgirl whose summer-time salary was ruined.
That’s when he told me that that’s what we’re here to learn, to speak for the weak.
After so many years, I’ve just started walking, and he’s been holding on for so long.
With his help, we’ve got a lot to do.
And I got a call from Wang Wei again, and I don’t know how many times I’ve hacked him all these years.
And this time he said to me, “Do you think Zhou will look upon you? You’re a divorced 30-year-old woman who just used you! I’m sorry.
I’m so mad at him. Why does he bother me again and again? I’ll go back to my house. People like you, they’re easy to use, they don’t want to give away! I’d like to let you use it. Why? I’d love to! After that, I hacked the phone again.
And Zhou, who did not know when it appeared, stood not far away and looked at me, and my face was red.
But thinking about Wang Wei, it still made me sick, so I combined with my grandson and introduced Wang Wei to a rich woman through her circle.
It’s a rich woman, but this rich woman is a taekwondo.
That’s what he wants, if he can handle himself this time.
One year after I got my lawyer’s certificate, the first case I received was my parents’ divorce case.
But I can’t take this case, my relatives can’t. I’ll leave it to Zhou.
But my mom said she wouldn’t have thought of getting a divorce in her life without my change.
In my third year of business, I finally bought a house in Chengdu and finally had my own room, and I was 31 years old.
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
