What is the way of thinking of people who are
particularly good at chatting? People who are
particularly good at chatting have four words in their minds. If you
master these four words, you can surpass 99% of the people and become the best chatter in the audience.
These four words are very simple, that is, “empathy”. The transposition thinking in
chat is to think from the other side’s point of view and know what kind of words the other side would like to hear, so that the words can be said to the other side’s heart.
You may have read this story: Once upon a time, there was a king who dreamed that his teeth had fallen out. He was afraid, so he invited a wise man to interpret his dream.
The wise man said, “Your Majesty, you are very unfortunate. Every tooth you lose means that you will lose a loved one.”.
The king was furious and ordered the wise man to be beaten 100 times.
The king summoned another wise man to interpret his dreams.
The wise man thought for a while and then said, “Your Majesty, how happy you are!”! This is an auspicious dream, which means that you will live longer than your relatives.
A gold coin.
Why do these two wise men mean same thing, and one is punished and the other is rewarded?
This is mainly the difference between empathy when speaking. When
the king dreamed of losing all his teeth, he was afraid. He invited someone to interpret the dream, and he wanted to hear the other person tell him that it was not an ominous sign.
The first wise man did not understand the king’s mood, and when he said it, he simply added fuel to the fire.
On the contrary, the second wise man would put himself in others’ shoes and knew what the king wanted to hear, so he succeeded in settling the king’s heart with one word.
Empathy thinking sounds simple, but it’s not easy to put it into practice. Here are 20 tips to help you quickly get the essence of empathy thinking, covering all aspects of life and work.
1. When you meet a contrarian, no matter what they say, you agree with them with a smile.
Cite an example: Cousin: What’s the use of reading? It’s not a worker! You see, you only earn a few thousand yuan a month.
I didn’t finish primary school, and now I run a factory and live in a villa.
You: Well, my uncle is right.
But I don’t have the talent of my uncle to do business, so I can only study. You can never convince
a contrarian or a bad writer, because they only believe what they believe. The more
you contradict them, the more they think you are unreasonable.
So listen to them quietly, nod in agreement with them from time to time, and let them stay in the well forever, immersed in their own world, without waking them up.
After all, you can’t wake them up.
2. When others blacken themselves, don’t follow them blindly, and don’t flatter them excessively.
For example: Auntie: Oh, I’m getting fatter and fatter. I really envy your figure.
Claim 1: It’s easy to get fat when you get old.
(Easy to pull hatred) Statement 2: Where, where, you are not fat, thin.
(The other person thinks you’re taunting her.) Better: Auntie, you can’t say that. You see, you have to work and take care of your family. It’s good to keep such a figure.
If I were in your situation, I really couldn’t be as good as you. Aunt must be happy to hear
this. 3. If you are criticized for your mistakes, you should apologize well and not be trapped in negative emotions.
For example: Colleague: Didn’t I tell you to have XXX?
& # x2F; Don’t you know XXX?
It really makes me angry.
As a newcomer: I’m really sorry. I didn’t notice it before. I’m going to change it.
You see, I’m so stupid that I make you angry. I’ll buy you a cup of milk tea to drink, and you can calm down.
Everyone likes to hear the words of praise, do not like to be criticized, so when they hear the words of criticism, they will instinctively reject.
But if the other party criticizes you because you really did something wrong, then apologize well and buy the other party a cup of milk tea to calm the other party down. After saying
this, the conversation will feel that you have gone too far.
4. When criticizing others, add your own feelings and try to make them understand, the effect will be better.
For example: This quarter’s sales performance is very poor, I am embarrassed when I report to my boss, under great pressure, I hope you realize the seriousness of the matter, and strive to achieve performance goals.
Such criticism, while pointing out the fact of poor performance, is not strong at all, but also expresses his own feelings-embarrassment, and finally expresses his hope.
The whole sentence doesn’t sound harsh at all, which makes it more acceptable. If you
want to show that you are listening carefully, you can effectively repeat what the other person is saying.
For example: Boss: This year, the company’s overall performance is the same as last year, and several other competing companies are not as good as us. It’s been a
bad year, and it’s good to be able to do that.
You (nodding in agreement): Well, you’re absolutely right. The industry is generally not doing well this year.
As far as I know, our company is in a slightly better situation than other companies, at least we have received several large orders. The effective repetition
here is not to repeat the other person’s words, but to repeat the key points in the other person’s words.
This will not only make the other person feel that you are listening carefully, but also help the other person continue to speak.
6. If you can speak in a Consultative tone, don’t speak in a commanding tone.
For example: Command tone: You go to help me carry a box of water. My
hand hurts and I can’t move it.
Discuss tone: My hand is injured, can you help me to help a box of water come over?
I really can’t lift it.
The first kind of view uses the tone of command type, can make a person repugnant, the other side can be thinking: With what help you! Although the reason is explained later, the other party will still feel that the tone of asking for help is too strong.
The second way is to ask for help in a Consultative and weak tone. Most people can understand, and the success rate will be greater.
7. In the face of questions that are difficult to answer, we can adopt the strategy of avoiding the real and taking the virtual.
For example: Gossip colleague: What do you think of the prospect of this cooperation with Company X?
Steady you: Although there are many difficulties in this cooperation, it is an opportunity for our company.
Gossip colleague: How much profit do you think we can make?
Steady you: This year’s performance will certainly not be too bad.
In this way, we can avoid the real questions and only reply to some false statements, at least we don’t have to worry that the bad answers will lead to more serious problems.
8. If you want to get closer to someone, you can talk about what they are proud of.
For example, if you meet a client for the first time and know that he likes writing and has published a best-selling book, you can say something like this: Manager Zhao, I heard your name a long time ago.
You once published a bestseller, and I read it and thought it was really good, and I learned a lot from it.
No wonder books are so popular. The
other person will be happy to listen to you, and the strangeness between you will soon be eliminated.
Praise people, praise the details to move people.
For example: General saying: You are very beautiful today.
Better: Your lipstick today matches your makeup.
10. When a friend is complaining to you, don’t talk to people like a nagging master.
For instance: Friend: My that boss is too bad, know to squeeze us everyday, work overtime every day very late, salary still gives so little! A person’s ability is directly proportional to his salary. Have you ever thought about why you are like this?
…… Comfort: Yes, your boss is really Grandet, so stingy, but also let you do so much work! Friends must trust you, so they want to complain to you. They hope you can affirm their emotions and understand them, instead of talking to them when they are upset.
Of course, if a friend needs your advice, you can give it at this time.
But he didn’t ask you to give advice, so don’t give it.
11. When you turn down an invitation, put the blame on yourself.
For example: College Students: Recently I want to get married, welcome to attend my wedding! You who don’t want to go: I’m sorry, I want to go too! But I have just arrived at the new company recently, and I am not familiar with the business. I am busy until very late every day. Even on this holiday, I have to take the documents back to deal with them (with a crying expression on the back).
Many people say that a classmate who has not been contacted for a long time invites you to attend the wedding, probably because he wants you to accompany him.
But there are also people who don’t really want you to go with them, they just want you to go.
In any case, as long as the other party tells you the news, it is still necessary to reply, but the responsibility should be on their own head, using the excuse of busy work to refuse is the most appropriate.
12. When someone asks you a question in order to expect a positive response from you, you should follow the other person’s mind so that you can speak to your heart.
For example, a mother holds her child in her arms and asks, “Who do you think this child looks like?”?
If both parents of the child are present, you can put it in another way that neither of them is offended: pull hatred response: This child doesn’t look like you at all, and I don’t think he looks like his father either.
Affirmative response: This child’s eyes are really beautiful, like her mother, and she is definitely a beautiful embryo.
This child’s eyes are really beautiful. He has inherited his mother’s big double eyelids and his nose is straight. He has inherited his father’s nose. He will definitely be a beautiful embryo in the future.
(Of course, adjust the language according to the characteristics of the child.) 13. When chatting with people, ask questions with open topics, not closed topics.
For example: Open topic: How are you doing in your new company?
Closed topic: Do you think the new company is good?
Open topics have the possibility of unlimited extension.
Ask how the other person is doing in the new company, so that the other person can cut into the topic from many angles, such as whether the work content is difficult, whether the relationship with colleagues is harmonious, how the leadership is, and so on.
But closed topics cannot be extended.
For example, if you ask the other party whether the new company is good or not, the other party can only answer yes & # x2F; It’s okay, or not.
14. Tell the worst possibility in advance so that the other person won’t feel worse about what you do.
Suppose you and your girlfriend have an appointment to meet at 6 pm, but there is a traffic jam on the way. It is now 5:45, and you estimate that it will take another 30 minutes to get to your appointment.
Just at this time, your girlfriend called you and asked when you would arrive? What would
you say?
A lot of people are below this kind of circumstance, it is to answer: You did not arrive a minute, the girlfriend calls you again, you say you are about to arrive again. After
another 10 minutes, your girlfriend may be very unhappy before you arrive.
Because you always give the other person an expectation, but always fail, so the other person will be unhappy.
However, to put it another way, it’s not quite the same. For example, you can say something like this: If you talk like this for a while, when you arrive at 6:15, your girlfriend will not blame you, but will be surprised because you are earlier than expected.
15, can help first say can not help, easy to do first say not easy to do, this will be mature. It’s not easy to do it
without help, and people will be grateful to you if you finally do it.
At the very beginning, they are full of promises. If something goes wrong in the middle and they don’t get it done, they originally promised others, but in the end they don’t get it done, and they complain instead.
16. If you don’t feel like you have anything to talk about with the other person, talk about what the other person is familiar with or good at.
A very suitable topic is the work of the other party, of course, if the other party is a student, then you can talk about learning.
In this way, we can at least ensure that we have something to say and avoid the embarrassing situation that we have nothing to say to each other.
We’re almost there! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I guess I can’t get there until 6:30. You go shopping in the nearby mall first, and I’ll call you when I get there.
For example: If there is really nothing to talk about, immediately end the topic, do not hold on to the awkward chat! When chatting awkwardly, it is better to read some books and learn some skills by yourself.
17. When chatting with others, don’t be a topic stealer.
What is a topic stealer, that is, others are talking about their own things, but you lead the topic of others to yourself, you steal the topic of others.
So the other person will hate you very much.
For instance: Correct demonstration: Your home darling is so fierce, how do you exercise his hands-on ability at ordinary times?
18. Make the other person feel special when they speak, and they will be happier.
Xiao Hong, what do you do?
New Media Editor.
Oh, are you usually very busy? I have a friend who is a new media editor. She is very busy at ordinary times, and her work is really hard.
Yeah, it’s really busy.. Neighbor: Our baby got a small red flower, the teacher said that his hands can be a strong ability to steal the topic: Is it?
Our baby is also very smart and is often praised by the teacher.
I remember.. For example, if you buy a product that is out of order and you find a merchant, which of the following statements do you prefer to hear: Although both statements mean same thing, in the second statement, the staff emphasizes that they will replace it for you free of charge, which will make you feel special treatment, so you will be very happy.
19. If you know how to use the skill of “catering”, the other party will feel that you are his bosom friend.
Catering, in fact, is to supplement what the other side says, so that the other side can recognize themselves. There are three ways to
cater.
The first method is to add facts to an opinion. If the other person is giving an opinion, you can add some facts that are very consistent with the other person’s opinion.
For instance: Fact: Yes, 40 degrees, still let a person live! Claim 1: According to the company’s regulations, you can repair or replace the product free of charge.
Claim 2: After inspection, your product does have problems, according to the company’s regulations, you can repair free of charge, but you are an old customer, the boss decided to replace a new product for you free of charge, thank you for your long-term support! Viewpoint: It’s really hot today! The second method is to find a point of view for the facts. If the other party gives the facts, then make a summary and generalization of the facts stated by the other party, and refine a point of view.
For instance: The 3rd kind of method: When fact and point of view have a case, complement the experience of an oneself.
For example: Fact: I am so angry that I have cut off the Internet 8 times in less than 10 minutes, and I still can’t play King Glory.
Opinion: Yes, the signal here is very bad. The fact
here is that the Internet is disconnected 8 times in less than 10 minutes, so we can sum up the view that the signal is not good, in order to cater to each other.
I went to the bank to do something yesterday, and I waited in line for an hour. It was too time-consuming. There are both facts and opinions in
this sentence. The fact is that I waited in line for an hour, and the opinion is that I think it takes too much time.
Then, in order to cater to each other, you can add a similar experience of your own.
For example: 20, after asking for help, remember to thank others.
Part of the reference: Yes! I lost my bank card last time and went to the bank to reissue it. It took me two hours to get my turn. It was too time-consuming.
For example, after you send a red envelope, you can say something like this: a little thought, please drink a cup of milk tea, thank you for your advice! In this way, the other person will feel your heart and feel that you are polite and worthy of communication.
The Power of Speaking by Sun Luhong Super EQ: Why Talking People Are Popular by Alina. Focus on Not Getting Lost ~
