In the fourth year of
marriage, a girl and my WeChat asked me not to be the interloper of her and my husband
.
I took the marriage certificate and went to meet her.
She was confused, but she didn’t break up.
As it happens, I don’t want a divorce either.
I told my mother that my husband had someone outside.
It was a statement. I didn’t ask her to help me or anything. She immediately reacted
, “How could Xiaowei’s child have someone outside? He looks so honest. Don’t
think too much.”
“The girls are coming.” I sat across from her and continued to explain.
So what do you do? You don’t want to divorce him, do you? Where will you live after the divorce?
She looked worried, so I immediately smiled and said, “No, I was
just joking with you.” I left their house in the midst of her scolding.
Walking down the street, I don’t seem to have anywhere else to go.
I was standing in the middle of the crowd, and everyone had their own place to go in a hurry, as if I
was the only one who didn’t. My husband and
I have been married for four years, and I remember four years ago when we were not married
. At that time, I had just graduated, and when I came home, I found that there was no room for me, because
my brother was getting married, and my parents let me live in the living room. At that time, they said,
“You can’t stay long anyway, so just make do with it.”
I had just been with him, and I called him with my suitcase and said,
“I don’t seem to have a home anymore. I don’t even have a room of my own.”
He picked me up, took me to his rental house and told me he would give me a home.
I married him under those circumstances.
Also did not hold any ceremony, just went to get the certificate, and then went to eat a bowl of beef
noodles, he added a fried egg for me.
We struggled together to buy a house and calculate all kinds of costs. In order to save rent, we
lived in a remote resettlement house, which often had cockroaches and rats.
I bought a lot of medicine, but it didn’t work. At that time, he always hugged me and said, “Just bear
with me, just bear with me.” In
the past four years, we have moved several times while saving money to buy a house. But no one is satisfied, we always give in to all kinds of reality, each time
is to endure, from one single room to another single room.
We finally saved up a down payment, and we’re moving in next month.
But last night, a girl added my WeChat.
She told me not to be a mistress and that girls should love themselves.
I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me for more than a year.
I didn’t know what to do at that time, and I went to talk to him? I trembled
a little as I held my mobile phone. I was a very weak person. I didn’t even have the courage to confront him at that time
.
I just told him in a hurry that my mother was not feeling well and I would go back first.
He was playing games with his mobile phone. He didn’t even raise his head and said good words.
Now that I’m out of my parents’ house, I’m faced with the same question again: “Where am I going
?” Chengdu is a little cold in
winter. I tighten my windbreaker coat. I really don’t know where
to go.
In the past four years, in order to earn money, I spent all my energy on my work, which made
me almost have no friends. My best friend is my roommate in college, but we are far apart now
, and I don’t want her to know. The girl in the WeChat continued to send messages and voice messages to me.
I refused to answer and told her to meet and talk tomorrow.
I’m going to find out one thing: how my husband cheated on me. In fact, I already believed it when
the girl sent me the WeChat, but I still want to
see, I want to see how they got together; what is the other face of the person who has been sleeping with me for four years
.
I bought good food and wine, and put sleeping pills in the food. At first,
he complained that I was wasting money. I told him that it was all because I thought you had worked hard
and wanted to give you a tonic. As
he was eating, I asked him, “What do you like about me?” “How long have you been together?”
He asked impatiently. “Then why did you want to be with me?”
I continued.
He didn’t even go back. He continued to play with his mobile phone while eating vegetables. We haven’t moved to our
new home yet. Now we live in a one-room rental house
with a bed, a wardrobe and a table. We were eating at the table
at the moment. I saw my
appearance through the mirror on the wardrobe. I was slightly fat. My face was shiny because of cooking. My hair was a little
messy. I felt sick for no reason. In the past four years, I have been aiming at one goal, that is, to earn money to buy a house. I haven’t
looked in the mirror for a long time.
No wonder! I didn’t even know my husband was cheating on me. Have
you ever heard a sentence? I don’t know why I choked up when
I asked this question. I didn’t do that last night when I knew he was cheating on me.
But now, when I want to ask this question, my throat is like a thousand pounds.
I resisted the urge to cry.
He seemed to finally realize that something was wrong with me and stopped eating. He looked up and asked
me, “What’s wrong with you?”? Did your mother say something about you?
“No, I want to ask you something.”
“You say!”
“Have you ever heard the saying,” If you are hungry, you will not
choose your food; if you are anxious, you will not choose your way; if you are cold, you will not choose your clothes; if you are poor, you will not choose your wife? ”
He was stunned on the spot, but after a few seconds, he angrily asked me, “What do you mean?”? Do you think
I’m poor now? Don’t you look in the mirror and see what you look like?
A poor word cut his pride like a sickle. It
‘s 6pm now, and the rental room is as hot as a steam room. In order to save electricity, we usually turn on the air
conditioner for half an hour until we can’t stand the heat. He stared at me angrily, his face ferocious, sweat on his forehead, the corners of his mouth
shining, and I suddenly wondered if the girl who sent me the WeChat had ever seen him like this
?
We confronted each other, but I didn’t even have the strength to quarrel at the moment, and I just felt tired
. Can
you keep your voice down? Do you still let people rest? The girl who
lives in the single bathroom knocked on our door. It’s ridiculous. I
‘m 27 years old and I don’t even have a private space to quarrel. Why is
my life like this?
I took a deep breath and tried to control my emotions. Because you chose to share the
house, you want to sleep at 6 pm. You need luck. And I chose to share the
house, so there was no room for me to quarrel with my husband.
“Crazy!” She cursed and left.
Because of her appearance, my confrontation with my husband was over. He took his clothes to take
a shower and left a mess on the table for me.
If I would have gone to clean up the battlefield before, I would have put it there today. I
went to the mirror and looked at myself carefully. I almost didn’t recognize myself
. When did
I become like this?
When he finished his bath and saw the dishes on the table, he naturally said, “Why haven’t you washed them yet?”
Wang Wei, why do you think I should wash it? Was I born to do the dishes and cook? Have you given me the money to start the work? I asked him one question after another, as if I were asking myself.
My ***ing! Forget it Lin Mei, you’re going crazy today. I won’t argue with you. It’s my bad luck. I’ll go.
Look at that! He took it as a very unlucky thing to do such a thing, so what bad luck did I have to do it for so long. On the
third
night, he slept soundly because of the medicine. I used Huawei’s fingerprint unlocking function to open his mobile phone. This was the first time I turned over his mobile phone after marriage, and it should be the last time.
I saw him send a message to the girl, “Little kid!”! What are you thinking! How can you not eat?
He gave her the lipstick of Y family and the bag of C family. In order to let her study hard, he bought her a tablet to facilitate the search of information.
My mobile phone is very slow, and he advised me to hold on for a while. I gave myself a lipstick for my
birthday. He said that you girls are easy to fall into the trap of consumerism. I am not trapped by consumerism, I am fooled by such poor excuses
.
I also recalled that on the day of the rainstorm last month, he drove to pick up the girl. At that time
, in order to save dozens of yuan of taxi fare, I was stunned to take the bus and drenched myself like a drowning dog
.
He came back before me, but he was stunned for a few seconds and said that the rain was so heavy today. How could
he not know that the rain was so heavy that he could go to pick up others, but I came
back to this broken house in the rain ironically.
I couldn’t stay in the same room with him, so I packed my bags and left home
in the middle
of the night to find a hotel and open a room for an hour.
My mind was in a mess, and I seemed to be able to think of how he treated the girl
, how sweet he was, and how willing he was to spend money for her. It
‘s not that I’m trapped by consumerism, but that this man feels in his heart that I don’t deserve anything
. Any money I spend on myself is
a waste in his eyes.
I decided to see the girl.
Took the marriage certificate and went to see her. On the table in the
coffee shop, I put the marriage certificate directly on it. With an incredible look on her face, she picked up her certificate and looked at me again, her hands trembling
with the cup.
“If it’s all right, I can go now!” I have taken the certificate, after all, I have to use
it for divorce.
She suddenly stopped me and said, “Sister, don’t you blame me?” The young girl’s face was full of
collagen, and her big watery eyes looked at me.
No wonder Wang Wei was reluctant to let her get wet in the rain. “What can I do if I blame you?”
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know. He told me he was single, and I was going to
introduce him to my dad.” The girl bowed her head and blamed herself.
I caught a glimpse of the red Porsche parked outside her. I have seen my customers drive
this car before. The market price is more than one million yuan. Girls can drive such a
car when they are only about 20 years old. No wonder Wang Wei is so eager to go.
I looked at her simple face and suddenly changed my mind and said, “I want to divorce him.
Can you help me?”
“How?”
I looked her in the eye and said, “You don’t have to do anything. Just don’t
let him know we’re meeting.”
“Is it that simple?”
“Yes, it’s as simple as that, but if you don’t mind the trouble, you can give him a little hope, and
then we’ll get away faster.” I continued.
The girl suddenly sat down, with no more simple expression on her face. “Sister, what good will it do me to do this?”
I smiled at her and said, “There is no benefit. It’s just that Wang Wei can’t get any benefit from this.”
She did not speak, and I knew she would do as I said. How could the self-respect of
a girl with such a good life tolerate being trampled on like this, and how could she want to ask me to forgive her, just to test my way of doing it. I
didn’t go back to the rental house. I came out of the hotel and rented a house for myself. I don’t have much time for affectation. I have to go to work.
I don’t go to work, I can’t pay the rent, I don’t go to work, I may have no food to eat, now I can only rely on work. A week after
I moved out, Wang Wei found me in the company.
Meimei! What’s the matter with you? When I called you, you didn’t answer. Are you still angry with me? His skin was still somewhat beautiful, and he said this affectionately. The little girls in the
company all looked askance. It
suddenly occurred to me that he used to use this trick to force me to submit by putting his private affairs on the table in public. When I was in
college, I hadn’t decided whether to be with him or not. He put heart-shaped candles downstairs in his dormitory, held roses and told me how much he liked me. So did the crowd
of onlookers, who heckled, “Promise him!”! Promise him!
At that time, two roommates said to me that such a handsome man would like to put down his face for you, or try?
But I was really hesitant at that time, and I didn’t seem to feel how much he liked me.
Now I understand why he did it. When I
was in school, I was famous for making progress. I got scholarships every year and did all kinds of part-time jobs. At that time, I heard people discussing that whoever married me would be blessed.
This blessing is their blessing, because I save trouble, but also cost-effective, affordable, I and Wang Wei together, I think of everything not to burden him, everything is afraid of trouble to him.
I once asked him what he liked about me.
He said he liked my independence. He doesn’t like me to be independent. He likes me not to give him any trouble. He likes to have someone who can accompany him to get through those depressed and difficult times without paying attention to his family conditions. At the most difficult time, we two have half of a bag of instant noodles.
I didn’t follow his wishes this time. Doesn’t he like to let others arbitrate private affairs?
I crouched on the ground and shed big tears. “Please don’t beat me. I will never interfere with you or her.” There is no justice between husband and wife, just to see who can say it better!
He wants to play the role of a gentle husband, but I won’t! I not only want to expose his infidelity,
but also give him a domestic violence hat.
He looked at me with a sudden change of face, and the gentle expression on his face finally cracked.
He reached out to pull me up, and the brave male colleague quickly separated him. Wang Wei and
I have known each other for so many years. How could I not guess that he would come to the company? Instead
of letting him come to me, I should do it ahead of time. I’ve been showing bruises in the office on purpose
lately, and I did it myself. I don’t want to lose my job because
of my marriage. I need compassion. I need more. He
can’t get into my company in the future.
But I never said in the office that my marriage was in trouble. I just let them
guess, and they will think for themselves. Now
I have less and less to rely on in this city. I have been with my colleagues for
two years, and we all know each other very well. I also took Wang Wei to build the company before.
I do this just in the hope that Wang Wei will not bother me in the company again. When I
returned to my rented house, Wang Wei continued to make phone calls, but I still didn’t answer any of them.
He sent me a text message asking me if I had done something to that girl, asking me not to hurt
her, and if something came to him.
Don’t hurt her? It’s really ridiculous! The first thing my husband did was not afraid that I would know he was cheating, but that I would hurt his lover.
He came after me. He told me he’d give me a home. This
is the man who destroyed all my expectations. No! Perhaps from the beginning, he just wanted to choose a cost-effective wife, just like those rental houses we moved, we disliked it while living in it, because we had no better choice for the time being.
Now that Wang Wei has a better choice, it is natural for him to “move.”.
Soon I got a phone call from my mother, and she said, “Men!”! Cheating is always inevitable. I’m not 18 now, but I’m going to be 30. I don’t have a head start anymore. All I said was, “Mom, if you can feel your conscience and tell me that you never regretted marrying my father, and that you never regretted giving birth to me and my brother, I’ll swallow it.”
She paused for a moment on the other end of the phone and finally said, “You’re crazy!”! Reading makes you stupid!
Hanging up the phone, Wang Wei continued to send text messages in the evening: “What do you mean? If it doesn’t work, we’ll go and get divorced. It’s not a thing for you to hide from me like this.”
This time I replied, “I won’t divorce you for a few years. Let’s see how many years that little sister can wait for you!”! As long as I don’t sign it, the marriage won’t go through.
He called again, and this time I answered. “What do you mean? Your mother said you were determined to get a divorce.”
I’ve changed my mind! You are so excellent! I’m a woman who’s going to be in her thirties, and I don
‘t have any choice. Naturally, I want to keep you!
“Then you’re moving out!” He seems to be very impatient.
I’m really used to his temper, and I’m a bitch myself.
I moved out because you’re disgusting! I’m nausea
in the same space with you. You remember, I can divorce if I want to. If I don’t want to divorce, you will never marry that girl in your life
.
His attitude finally softened. “Please, Lin Mei, don’t go looking for her. She’s a
very simple girl.”
I couldn’t listen any more and hung up the phone.
The girl quickly sent a WeChat and said, “You must hold on!”! People like you
talk about dividing up, but when the time comes, it’s you who will be most reluctant to part with.
Our kind? What kind are we?
She didn’t reply to me again, and I could hardly hold the phone.
One thing, who most want to achieve, who will pay more. I want to wait for Wang Wei to come to me because he wants to divorce
. In the
following days, Wang Wei still sent me WeChat from time to time, but I didn’t reply. I was still at work until one day my brother asked me to go home for dinner to celebrate my father’s birthday.
I was carrying bags of things, and my mother called me and said, “My youngest daughter, has your father come to pick you up?”
“When did my dad say he was coming to pick me up?”
I took a taxi to get home by myself, and when I saw him following my cousin, we looked at each other. “I’m back!” He greeted me, as if embarrassed.
But I’m used to it. He’s always been like this.
I just came home from work. Once I didn’t get a ticket to go home. I arrived at the town of my hometown at seven o’clock in the evening. I waited for more than hour on the way before he came to pick me up. He asked me if there was something wrong with me and I had to stay up so late.
But I remember in winter, when my cousin came back from other places, he went to pick her up by bike in the middle of the night.
My cousin is my sister-in-law’s child, and our two houses are not far apart.
So my dad picks her up every time she comes back.
She is a few years younger than me, and my father sent her to study later. It’s nice to be spoiled. During the
meal, my brother asked me if I really wanted to divorce, and asked me how much I could get from the divorce and what I was going to do. My father said at the right time that it was not comfortable to live in the town. It was better to live in a big city with good medical conditions. It would be better for my mother to see a doctor when she was sick.
I asked, didn’t you buy a house for my brother in Chengdu long ago? Why don’t you live with him?
My father slammed the bowl on the table, and I knew that having a daughter was unreliable.
Unreliable? Who paid for your medical bills all these years? Who bought the clothes for you and my mother all the year round? Does the monthly living expenses of 1500
yuan fall from the sky?
I graduated from university, the job has been signed, but I have to wait another month to report, I do so much farm work for you at home, what do you say? You said I ate rice at home. With so many words
in one breath, I even have some uneven breath.
My father was so angry that he wanted to rush over and beat me. He scolded me for turning over the old dog shit. My mother quickly dragged me to the kitchen. My mother and
I had just finished working in the kitchen, and they had almost eaten on the table.
I looked at such a scene, as if those countless times before such a scene shuttled through my mind.
I hate their birthday, I hate the Spring Festival, I hate any festival.
Because once there is such a time, my mother and I are like servants smuggled into the old society, we have to work from morning till night, let them eat happily, and then clean up the battlefield. I’m really fed up with this kind of life.
I went back to my mother’s house to get my bag and leave.
Instead, I caught a glimpse of my brother’s child drawing my bag with a paintbrush. The bag was a
birthday gift from my best friend, and I cherished it very much.
He looked up and saw me, still pretending not to see, and continued to draw.
I went over, took his toy and threw it on the ground. It was a transformer.
I broke my hand on the spot.
He looked at me incredulously, and I added a few feet.
He burst into tears.
My brothers rushed in quickly, and the bear child rushed into his father’s arms,
crying, “My aunt bullied me.”
My brother just comforted his son and said, “Sister, what
do you care about with a child?”
I told him that you could argue with me and I could pay for the toys. He laughed and said,
“How can you be ashamed!” I took a glance at the toy, which my colleague had bought for her son
before, and it seemed to cost more than 500 yuan.
So I continued, “I can pay for it, but if your son breaks my bag, you have to pay for it, too
.” The logo of the D family on the bag is very obvious.
He froze for a moment. “Is this a real bag?”
Yes! There is an invoice! I replied with a smile.
Yes, you! I’m willing to spend so much money on myself to buy a bag, but I’m not willing to spend it on my parents. He scolded me with righteous indignation, and his sense of justice was bursting.
Why don’t we take stock of how much you’ve spent on Mom and Dad over the years? How much did I spend on my parents? With
my words, the sense of justice that he had just felt disappeared in an instant.
At this point my mother appeared, and looking at our tense atmosphere, she interrupted: “Lin Mei, how old are you to haggle with children? You liked to bully your younger brother when you were a child.” She read these like a pet phrase, while cleaning up the mess all over the floor, while reading.
They are all afraid that I will bully someone. Who did I bully? Why am I so good? If only I were really so powerful.
“Lin Tzu-han, feel your conscience and tell us which of us has been bullying the other all these years.” I questioned my brother, but before he could speak, my father came out.
He said, Is there something wrong with you? As soon as you get home, you turn the world upside down. Does everyone feel sorry for you?
I really can not afford to quarrel, children will go to the persistent exploration of right and wrong, but in the eyes of those who love you, what you do is right, in the eyes of those who hate you, what you do is wrong. When
my father went to apply for a birth certificate, he saw a picture of plum blossoms hanging on the wall and decided on my name on the spot, while my brother’s name was chosen by a friend who taught for 88 yuan. I
just didn’t understand when I was a kid, and I wanted to compete with my brother everywhere.
Every time I try my best to take the exam, I think they will be happy and look at me if I am in the top of the class.
In fact, I got the first place in the exam, even if I got the first place in the exam, it was not as good as my brother’s progress in the exam to make them happy.
Six
Wang Wei did not insist on a month to take the initiative to divorce me, and the address was chosen in the coffee shop downstairs of our community. He gave me the conditions this time. The house was left to me, the car was given to him, and each of us had half of the savings.
I vetoed the deposit proposal and told him that the average salary of the two of us over the years was more than that of him. All of a sudden, as if he had ignited gunpowder, his veins burst out and he roared at me, “You’re awesome!”! You are awesome! You earn more than men, no matter how powerful you are, no one wants you, no man wants you, your parents don’t like you, all the savings are given to you, you take it away! Anyway, you are so miserable that you have nothing.
I agreed without hesitation. People make decisions without considering the pros and cons when they are angry.
I used to protect his pride and never mentioned the salary.
But I don’t want to think about him anymore. I just want to hurt him with all the words I can think of. I won’t hesitate to say anything that can hit him. The same is true of
him. He used to avoid the topic of my family, but now he wants to stab me with this knife. When
two people like each other, they will tell each other their secrets, but at that time no one knows that these secrets will turn into a sword to pierce each other’s chest when they go their separate ways.
We went through the formalities quickly, but he apologized to me when we finally parted. He said I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you. But you are really too strong, you work hard to give your parents money every month; you are afraid that I think you take advantage, but we are husband and wife! You never trusted me, never depended on me. He looked aggrieved when he
said this.
I didn’t want to respond, but I don’t know why, maybe it’s ridiculous. I asked him, since you know my psychology, have you ever told me that you don’t have to think so? Have you ever thought about me in your life? How many times did you cook for me when I worked overtime? How many times did you pick me up? It rained heavily last month. I went home by bus to save money. Who were you going to pick up?
You blame me for being too strong, but what can you do to make me not so strong? When I asked him,
he was speechless, leaving only one sentence: “If you think life is a debate, then I hope you will always be the winner.” Then he left me alone.
In the evening, I received a phone call from my mother. She asked me why I didn’t tell her about such a big thing as divorce. It was Wang Wei who told her. She asked me if I treated her as a mother.
I immediately said, “Mom, I’m so tired. I want to quit my job and rest for a while. Can I go back to live at home?”
She didn’t know how to speak on the other side of the phone.
I told her with understanding that I was just joking with her.
They always say that I want to be strong and that I don’t know how to be soft. But I also want to be soft, someone wants it! I have nothing to depend on but myself.
Wang Wei really did a good job. He told my mother everything about the division of our property. He was afraid that I would have a good life.
My mother cried and hanged herself and quarreled with me. She asked me to add her and my father’s names to the house. She said that if I married again, it would become the joint property of husband and wife. When I asked her how she knew so much and who taught her, she began to falter. How could
I not know who taught her?
But how can I promise her? What happened to Wang Wei made me understand that no one can give me all my expectations and desires except myself.
I asked my mother, do you know why I am so good to you?
She didn’t speak. I continued, “At first, I wanted your attention and appreciation. No, I wanted you to love me like my brother. Then I wanted to give it back to you.”. If you say I owe you, I will pay back the debt earlier. Do your calculations
: Have I already given you more than you have given me over the years?
You raised me until I was 18 years old, and even the money for college was earned by myself,
and the 18 years you raised me, if converted into the value of labor, do not necessarily
owe each other.
She began to cry on the other end of the phone, saying why I had to calculate so clearly.
Do I have to figure it out? I talk to you about feelings, and you talk to me about money; when I talk to you about accounts
, you talk to me about feelings.
I’m always wrong. After
the girl confirmed that I had divorced Wang Wei, she asked me to sell
the house and leave the city. She had had enough.
I asked her what she wanted to do next.
She said that if she dared to cheat her, she would have to pay the price, and if her parents knew, Wang Wei would be even more miserable.
Even if she sent it across the WeChat, I was envious to death. What kind of environment did you grow up
in to be so confident. I confidently believed that her parents
would defend her wholeheartedly, unlike me who had to worry that my parents were on Wang Wei’s side
. I quickly applied for a transfer to other provinces with the company and sold the house.
In fact, I have no sense of direction, but I know that when the girl leaves, I
will have a lot of trouble to stay here. When I
came to S city for half a year, I received a phone call.
It was my mother who called me, and she talked about other things when she was talking.
I talked to her for a long time before she said she was sick and asked me if I could go back to see
her. I had no reason to panic. The custom of our family is that except for my brother’s illness
, everyone else’s illness can be delayed.
For example, I used to have otitis media in high school, which could have been treated in time, but I went to various
small clinics and dragged one of my ears to a perforation of the eardrum.
I quickly asked for annual leave with the company and bought a ticket to go home.
My mother has been in the county hospital for some time. Instead of going home, I dragged
my suitcase to the hospital. When
she saw my evasive eyes, she smiled ingratiatingly and said, “Oh, how expensive your ticket
is to come back this time!”! How much money will you lose if you delay going to work?
Her face was sallow and her lips were dry.
I didn’t speak, and my eyes were red when I looked at her like this.
Over the years, I have been telling myself that I just need to do my duty
, but when I really see her bad, see her like that, I still
feel very uncomfortable, my heart is very sour, I try to hold back my tears.
I approached her and she held my hand tightly.
She used to be a little fat, but we haven’t seen each other for half a year, and she has lost a lot of weight. Holding my hand, except for the calluses, there are bones. Smiling hard,
she glanced at me a few times, then quickly lowered her head and said, “I didn’t mean to call you back, I..” I’m just afraid I won’t have a chance to see you later. I don’t know how much the boss is going to charge you when you come back this time!
I didn’t answer her question. I just asked her what happened. Before
she could say anything, my dad brought the medical records. He took a puff of smoke and exhaled a big puff of smoke ring! The person is unlucky, drink cold water to want to plug a tooth! She said she had a tumor in her uterus. You said she could live with a tumor! So I asked you to come back and see..
My father said intermittently. As he spoke, he smoked. The whole ward smelled of smoke. I quickly asked him to go out and open the window.
I asked my mother if she had only seen it in the county, and she said she had seen it in several places, and they all said they had tumors.
I asked her why she didn’t go to the city or the provincial capital hospital. Her
eyes were dull and she said, “That’s so expensive!”! I’m too old to bother.
I asked her again, do you really not want to live? She did not answer this time, but lowered her head.
I saw big drops of tears falling on the quilt, and those tears seemed to fall on my
heart. She used to beat me, scold me, favor one over the other, and I didn’t feel so bad.
I have said countless times that I will make her regret one day.
But how can I make her regret?
I asked her again, where is Lin Zihan? She quickly took my hand and said, “Don’t blame him. The whole family
has to eat. You can’t say they all revolve around me!” Before
I said I blamed him, she was afraid that I would blame him. This feeling of powerlessness makes me feel like I can’t breathe
smoothly.
I looked at the medical record, only said that there was something growing, it might be a tumor, only took a film,
infusion is the infusion of anti-inflammatory drugs, then decided to take her to the H hospital to see.
My mother’s eyes lit up and asked me again, that registration is very troublesome, not easy to register
, and the medical expenses are very expensive.
She rambled on and on. Seeing that I didn’t speak, she said cautiously, “What about the
money?”? With your father’s money, he has to provide for his old age, and your brother has to support his family.
She said a lot, but she didn’t dare to let me spend money, and she didn’t even dare to look at me.
I inhaled deeply and exhaled again, promising her I would come out.
She did not imagine the joy, but lowered her head, like a child who had done something wrong.
When I quickly went to transfer her to another hospital, my dad stopped me and said, “You’ve already thought about it!”! Transfer to H Hospital. I don’t have that much money. You have to be impulsive. When the time comes, you can clean up the mess. I
have a feeling that I want to have a big quarrel with him, but I don’t know what to quarrel about. I just feel that my ears are full of breath in an instant, and I can’t hear everything. In a
trance, something wet wet my hand, I looked down and found that I had a nosebleed. Then
my dad stopped, and I wiped it with my hand, and my tears fell down as I wiped them.
How can you be so powerless? How can it be so difficult? My God, you are so unfair.
I found a lot of friends, and finally gave my mother a doctor with a good reputation. I
just arranged for her to be hospitalized, and I went to buy food for her. When I
came back, I saw her trembling to pack things. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she felt much better all of a sudden. Why don’t you go home! Maybe it will be better after a while. I
stood where I was and did not speak, just looking at her.
She was so anxious that tears came to her eyes. She held me with both hands. “Do you know how much this costs?”? It’s not worth it! It’s a waste of money to spend on me at such an old age! You are too young to know the depth of heaven and earth. I put down the meal, and after several days of running around, I didn’t even eat much. I
was very hungry, but I couldn’t swallow a mouthful.
I told her that there was still a sum of money after the house was sold.
She held me tightly and comforted me, saying, “I know you have money from selling the house, but
it’s not worth spending it here. You can keep it for your father’s old age, or your brother
in case..” When
she saw that my face had turned cold, she hurriedly said, “You can keep it for your own use.”! This hospital
is a bottomless pit.
I asked her, “Mom, if it’s my brother who’s sick today, do you want me to treat him?”
“What are you comparing this to?”
I asked, “What if it was Dad who was sick today?”
She was already a little angry, and her whole body was breathing unevenly.
I finally asked, “What if it was me?” As soon as I said the
words, I burst into tears. People in
my family have always been graded. My mother and I are the lowest
grade. We are like livestock. We have to calculate the cost and gain and loss. We can’t do business at
a loss. More than once,
I resented why she gave birth to me and why she treated me like
this after giving birth to me. I used to look forward to her, like other children, looking forward to her mother, hoping
that she could comb my hair, buy me new clothes, cook for me, and hold me to sleep
.
But her eyes were always on my brother, and I seemed to be just a helper at home
.
I will always remember her cruelty to me when I was twelve years old.
At that time, my grandmother’s health was getting worse and worse, and there were no medical
conditions in her hometown in the countryside, that is, various clinics and small hospitals.
At first, I took care of him. My brother went to my grandmother’s house. My parents are working outside.
At that time, I was worried every day that my grandmother would die in the morning.
So I always use my hands to test whether she is still breathing.
Then she also exhaled loudly on purpose so that I could hear it at night.
I knew she wasn’t dead.
At that time, I often asked for leave to take her to see the doctor.
In the last month, my parents came back.
In the last two days, my aunts came back.
But at that time, my grandmother was afraid and wanted to find someone to sleep with her. They didn’t want to, but they let me go.
I heard my mother say, what if there is an infectious disease? I can remember
this sentence for a lifetime, and I have never had any hope since.
But now when I look at her, I suddenly feel that she is more pitiful than I am, because she not only looks
down on my daughter, but also looks down on herself and humiliates herself.
If she doesn’t love herself, how can she love me as a woman like her? It’s not that
she doesn’t love me. She just doesn’t love that I’m a woman.
I no longer argue with her, just say to her, you all think it’s not worth it, then I think
it’s worth it, of course, the decision of whether to treat or not is in your hands, if you really want to give up
, I will not stop you.
But after all, it is your life. We have become mother and daughter. If you are sick, I will cure you even if I sell
my blood. I just don’t want you to die. Then
I went out of the ward door, took out a cigarette, found a smoking area
and took a hard puff.
I didn’t smoke originally, but recently I couldn’t sleep all night, so I began to learn
to smoke.
Perhaps not skilled enough, a big puff of smoke choked me until tears and snot came out.
I took this opportunity to bury my head in my knees and cry heartily.
Until the burning smoke woke me up, I put out the rest of the cigarette tail, wiped away my tears and went to my mother’s doctor.
Since our conversation, my mother did receive treatment, but said to me, “You must tell me the cost!”! “I can’t let you get into debt. I’m 50 this year, and if I live to be 70, I should be able to earn it,” she said shyly, blushing a little on her pale face.
I took advantage of the situation and said, yes, I am your creditor now, so you should eat well and sleep well, so that you can work to pay off your debts in the future.
Fortunately, my mother’s tumor is benign. With the various medical policies of the country, our final medical expenses are within my affordability.
Of course, I resigned because of the delay of these months. After
dealing with my mother, my former leader actually contacted me.
She first gave me a word of congratulations, but fortunately, she warmly invited me to go back to work, and the position was also promoted. I felt very happy at first, but after my mother’s incident, I hesitated and told her that there were still some trivial things to finish and let me think about it first. When I
was about to leave the hospital, my father and brother came to pick up my mother.
My younger brother sweetly put his arm around my mother and said, “Mom, I’ve been really worried to death these days. I can’t eat well, and I can’t sleep well.”
Unexpectedly, this time my mother actually let go of his hand and held me to death. I felt her holding my hand trembling.
At the family dinner table, my brother again pretended to ask me how I planned to divorce the money. He inquired, my mother is a benign tumor, the operation did not cost much money, he wanted to open a shop, want me to support.
I told him to come over. I told him.
He moved the bench and sat closer to me. I looked at the way he fawned on me and reached out and slapped him heavily.
“I’ve put up with you for years!” The
room quieted down for a moment.
No one thought that I would launch an attack in an instant. I have been patient all this time, and I feel that my whole body is going to explode.
Seeing the two of them, I couldn’t help it any more.
I can’t hit my father. Don’t I dare to hit him?
I will not only hit him, but also hit him in front of my father.
My brother got angry in an instant and was about to do it. I looked at him word by word and said, “Lin Tzu-han, if you dare to do it today, I won’t care about anything from my parents in the future. I’ll leave it all to you.”. I have a record of the money transfers and all kinds of expenses over the years. If you go to court, it will be your turn. Try and see if I can do it. He was stunned on the spot, and his fist never fell.
I stood up and gave him another slap.
This time my father finally couldn’t help it. He took the bowl in his hand and threw it at me. I
thought I would be hit, but my mother helped me block it.
The bowl broke her forehead at once.
I pulled my mother behind me and shouted at my father, but my throat seemed to be stuck by
something, and I struggled to make a sound.
Because in the past, whenever such a situation happened, I would be so scared that I would not move and let
him fight.
It seems to be in my memory. When I grow up, whenever someone shouts at me, I
will be shocked on the spot, and it will take a while to recover. It seems that the memory of my body is like
this. After shouting, I will be beaten violently. My body is just like this habitually.
But today, I don’t want to do that. I want to try to resist this feeling. In my
imagination, I threaten him neatly: “If you dare to do it, I
will never give you a penny again.”
But in fact, I said this sentence intermittently, with a lot of effort to
express it completely, obviously it is such a simple sentence, but I need to clench my fist and clench
my teeth. Even after saying this sentence, my sweat came out.
But my father’s fist did not fall down this time. I had already won,
but my tears could not be suppressed. My mother pulled me and walked out quickly. She walked very fast, as if she was running away. I was dragged by her
as if I was absent, and it took me a long time to react and take her to bandage. After dressing
, we didn’t go home. We just walked along the side of the road.
For the first time, the two of us walked calmly, without those violent emotions, and neither of us
spoke. Sweating from the
walk, she suddenly exclaimed, “I shouldn’t have done that to my father and
my brother. Girls will always have to depend on their parents.”
I asked her, “How?”? What can my father and brother do for me?
She froze there and finally told me not to have a hard life like her. I didn’t have a good life with my grandmother
for a few days, and I didn’t get close to her when I grew up.
The most important thing is my problem, that I don’t like to contact her, that I treat her like a stranger
and so on.
Strangely, it was my father who often beat her and my brother who sucked her blood, but I was the one who had the biggest
resentment against her. When
she was sick, I found her the best doctor, gave her living expenses, bought her clothes, and
did all my duty, but as usual, she felt that all
the suffering in her life was because of me.
Is she better off without me? I didn’t ask her
this question, and it was meaningless.
I asked her, “Why can my father beat you?”? Is your marriage certificate your indenture? Or do you think your marriage certificate is a deed of sale, so my birth certificate is also my deed of sale? Because you gave birth to me, I should let you drain every drop of my blood?
Why is it that when you cook, wash and clean, he can be picky like an old man?
“Why do you hate me so much when you are also a woman and have two children?” Stunned on the spot,
she repeatedly said, “I didn’t, I didn’t,” so that she was somewhat incoherent.
I didn’t argue with her any more. I sent her home, and I left the house again. The house rented in
S city has not been returned yet, and I have no other place to go now. After dealing with these things, I just feel tired all over.
Back in S city, I continued my busy life and occasionally talked to my mother on the phone. She complained that my father always scolded her and sometimes even attacked her.
I asked her why she didn’t divorce? She immediately reacted very fiercely, saying that she was already so old, and how many people would see jokes at that time. We had talked about this topic countless times, and I was numb in the back, and said it was up to you.
S city is more lonely for me than Chengdu. I know fewer people. Every day is two points and one line. I
never thought that I would bump into my husband’s cheating object, the arrogant girl, when I was shopping for clothes.
I saw a woman in her thirties scolding her arrogantly. The woman said, “Sun Meng, you called me your father’s mistress. Aren’t you also a mistress?”? Why are you pretending to be aloof?
Sun Meng’s arrogance, which was equal to hers, suddenly weakened. She was like a defeated rooster who had been poked in the soft rib. She just stared stubbornly and confronted the woman.
I didn’t want to mind my own business, but when I saw her clenched hands, I remembered that she had helped me hold Wang Wei.
She seemed to really care about it, so much so that the arrogant girl before would stand here and let people scold her.
I suddenly don’t want to do this. Maybe I have bowed my head too many times in my life, so I don’t want to see her bow her head. So
I went over and pulled her back and said jokingly, “I never thought a person like you would be willing to be pointed at and scolded!”
She surprisingly didn’t respond this time, but just kept her head down. Still
unable to bear it, I whispered to her, “I never thought you were a mistress. If I didn’t, no one in the world would be qualified to give you such a reputation.”
With such a gentle word, the listless rooster turned into a fighter plane.
She raised her proud head and straightened her back. “You’ve been a mistress all your life, so everyone you meet is a mistress.
Remember, no matter whether you’re a mistress or a mistress, my father’s property is mine.
It’s no use making any more noise.”
The woman was so angry with her that her chest heaved and she turned away.
Sun Meng winked at me brazenly.
I looked at her in a funny way and did not speak. Only then did
she blush slightly, but she still said proudly, Humph! Of course I know I’m not a mistress
! And said very softly, “Thank you!”
I had already finished shopping, but I was still dragged by her to go shopping everywhere and shopping
crazily.
I finally saw the happiness of the rich, if I am so rich, what is the so-called
mess? I have all kinds of ways to soothe my wounds. We found a bar
in the evening and the two of us started drinking.
What a strange relationship! Our experience is supposed to be not seen in Jianghu. Now
we not only meet in a foreign land, but also sit together calmly.
She asked me directly why I helped her, and I asked her why she helped me in the first place.
She curled her lips, frowned and said, “How dare that scumbag cheat me? I’ll punish him even
if I don’t help you.”
I had a drink and listened to her quietly. After I left Chengdu, Wang Wei was particularly dependent on her and kept telling her that he wanted to marry her
, but even then he never confessed the existence of our marriage,
which completely angered Sun Meng.
Then she began to take Wang Wei to her real circle and let Wang Wei fall into it.
When a person begins to feel that he can get something for nothing, he never wants to go back to his previous
life.
This move was really too cruel. All of Wang Wei’s beliefs were destroyed
in such an extreme contrast. He only wanted to firmly grasp Sun Meng’s cash cow, just like a vine attached to a big
tree. When the tree pulled away, he could only lie down in the wind and rain.
Those extravagant lives made him envious, self-abased and eager.
She also deliberately let her suitor humiliate Wang Wei, and then she went to comfort him.
When Wang Wei was already extremely dependent on her, she kicked him away again. When she
finished, she looked at me expectantly and said, “Well, am I tough?”
She was already a little drunk, her eyes were red, and there were tears in them,
but she stared hard at her big eyes and refused to let the tears fall.
I didn’t speak and hugged her.
She finally couldn’t hold back and cried on my shoulder. Will
my mother blame me? I almost became a mistress. She hasn’t
been in my dreams lately. She told me that her mother committed suicide because her father cheated on her and was depressed. She
lied to me before. Her father didn’t care much about her except giving money. Her mother was gone long ago.
I am not a person who is good at comforting people, so I can only let her cry on my shoulder.
When she had cried enough, she asked me why I didn’t comfort her.
Hey! While I sympathize with her experience and thank her for her help, I also sympathize with
myself because I have to go to work early tomorrow morning.
She has a lot of time and money to heal, while ordinary people like me can
only immerse themselves in busy life and work over and over again, telling themselves that it’s all over, forget it!
After that encounter, Sun Meng loves to chat with me or play with me.
But most of the time I was “moving bricks,”
and she wasn’t annoyed. She was just hanging around the company waiting for me.
One night, when she was eating in my rental house, I received a phone
call from Wang Wei.
I had otitis media as a child, and my hearing was not very sensitive, so I had the speakerphone on.
Wang Wei began to ask me how I was doing, whether I had a new boyfriend or something like that. “What’s it to you?”
I asked impatiently. Sun Meng quietly praised me. I was about to hang up the phone when Wang Wei said, “Meimei
, I was wrong. I miss you so much!” For the first time,
I realized that my name could be pronounced in such a disgusting way. Holding back my anger, I said, “I know where Sun Meng is!”
Sun Meng hurriedly put down his chopsticks, stared at me, and made a gesture of prayer.
Sure enough, Wang Wei soon got excited. He immediately asked me, “Where is she?”? Will you please tell me?
I couldn’t help but praise Sun Meng in my heart for actually taming Wang Wei like a dog.
“Wang Wei, I really despise you!” Then I blacklisted him.
Sun Meng immediately hugged me and praised me ingratiatingly, saying, “Mei Mei was so handsome just now.”
As my contact with Sun Meng became deeper and deeper, I came into contact with more things. It turned out that she did not only know how to eat, drink and play as she did on the surface. She had her own career and was a legal aid worker, but she was not well-known.
Legal aid?
I also majored in this major in college, but because it takes too long to accumulate, I can’t wait. My family is waiting for me to get the money. I was raised by my parents, who were always waiting for me to pay my debts, and there was no extra time left for me.
And I just entered the society, food, housing and transportation need to be solved by myself, I have to quickly gain a firm foothold, so I did not engage in the original professional, but to do a listed company sales. I carefully looked at the current state of Sun Meng’s studio. Their advantage is that they have money and can
hire professional people, but their disadvantage is that they are not grounded enough, especially online operation, and all kinds of
videos lack dissemination. There seems to be something in my
heart that I am eager to try.
This seems to be a very impulsive thing. I am almost thirty years old. How can I be as impulsive as a child
?
I didn’t sleep all night, and the scenes of these years flashed
through my mind like a movie.
I seem to be moving forward all the time, and I keep talking about waiting for the future.
At that time, when I gave up my original major, I said I would come back when I had money. When I was
reading, facing the painting I wanted to learn and the swimming I wanted to learn, I also said to myself that it
didn’t matter, and that it would be better when I grew up and had money.
But is it really good to grow up?
I seem to have been looking at the distance, but my life is not very long, the distance is worth
looking forward to, but really enough to give up again and again?
And for so many years, I didn’t wait for the distance of that year.
I think of my mother. Why didn’t she get divorced? What is she afraid of?
I remember being molested when I was a child, but I never dared to speak out, as if I was
the one at fault, and if I spoke out, people would blame me. I think of a lot, and my best friend, who was beaten all over by her parents when she was a child, and
no one ever reached out to her.
Looking at Sun Meng’s online account, I couldn’t help but start to cry. There is a strong will in my
heart that tells me that I want to do this. If
there is no voice, can I be the voice?
I hesitated, after all, I was no longer the one who had just graduated and was full of longing.
Life had already smoothed my few edges and corners, but the desire was surging in my heart
, and two thoughts were fighting in my mind.
Since then, Sun Meng has come to me more and more frequently. Now sometimes when
she writes copywriting and publicity, she even asks me directly what I think.
I couldn’t help but join in her discussion and say my opinion and so on. After
many times, I knew what she was going to do when I saw her little eyes. After a few months of
this, she actually gave me a sum of money.
I am extremely confused, she said that the flow is also rich, before my creativity helped her drain a
lot, but also received a small advertisement.
I said you are still short of this money? She said there was no shortage, but it was like raising your own children and
buying things for yourself, and what we did really helped
people.
She showed me fan messages and many long private messages. For the first time, I realized that I had such a use.
This feeling of being needed is something I didn’t have before.
No, I used to be just a tool to make money, and every sum of money I made was for the so-called future
and money to go home.
But now I look at those messages in the middle of the night, and there seems to be something coming out of my heart
.
Sun Meng took out a contract out of nowhere and asked me if I would like to work for her.
I said with some excitement and some hesitation, let me think about it.
In the days of thinking about it, I kept looking at the messages on the accounts of the major platforms.
Finally, when Sun Meng was very impatient, I gave her the contract I had drawn up.
This time, instead of working, I want to be a partner.
Sun Meng was surprised, but he happily signed the contract with me.
I began to re-plan publicity, Sun Meng’s previous operation to find a lot of professionals, which
makes the account very professional, but still lack of some dissemination, so I made some adjustments on this basis
. According to the characteristics of legal aid,
I publicize it through short video stories.
The first theme is domestic violence. The story I wrote was that my mother was affected
by domestic violence against her daughter, who spent many years studying law just to help her mother.
Maybe it’s because there are too many things hidden under the calm water in real life. I wrote the plot of domestic violence based on my own experience. For example, I was beaten because the food was not to my taste. Which sentence did not say that I was beaten? The reasons for being beaten are strange. No! You don’t need a reason to be beaten. It may just be a drunken vent. The
video resonated with many people and spread on the Internet all of a sudden, and our studio began to become famous. After
finishing the first time, I lay in bed alone with tears in my eyes.
Because of the good start, the road behind us was much smoother, and I also went to get the lawyer’s qualification certificate.
Sun Meng told me that because we are doing better and better, there is a very good studio to work with us, and I accompanied her to meet the person in charge.
It’s my senior in college, Zhou Yue.
I remember when we helped a school girl to ask for salary, the school girl’s summer job salary was cheated.
At that time, he told me that this is the significance of our study of the law, which is to speak for the weak. After
so many years, I just turned around and started walking, and he has persisted for so long.
With his help, we can do a lot of things with ease.
And I received a phone call from Wang Wei again. I don’t know how many times I have blacklisted him over the years. This time
he said to me angrily, “Do you think Zhou Yue can take a fancy to you?”? You’re a divorced 30-year-old woman, and they’re just using you! I was so
angry. Why did he harass me again and again? I immediately retorted, “What’s the matter?”? People like you are used by others, and they don’t want to give them away! I’m just willing to let the upperclassman use it. What’s wrong? I’d love to! With that, I blacklisted the phone again.
But Zhou Yue did not know when he appeared. He stood not far away and looked at me with burning eyes. I blushed.
But the thought of Wang Wei still made me feel sick, so Sun Meng and I introduced Wang Wei to a rich woman through her circle.
It’s a real rich woman, but this rich woman practices Taekwondo.
That’s what he wants, as long as he can control himself this time. A year after
I got my lawyer’s license, the first case I received was my parents’ divorce lawsuit.
But I can’t accept this lawsuit, and my relatives can’t accept it, so I have to give it to Zhou Yue.
But my mother said that without my change, she would never have thought of divorce in her life.
In the third year of my business, I finally bought a house in Chengdu and finally had my own room. I was 31 years old this year.
