What was it like to kiss for the
first time? The first time I kissed, I was passive because I was afraid of losing him. The day
my parents found out about my puppy love, I was sweating because I had an ectopic pregnancy and my fallopian tube ruptured. I was reviewing for the final exam
at home that day.
I suddenly had a stomachache and was sweating all over.
My mother sent me to the hospital and quickly informed my father.
The doctor told my mother that I was ectopic pregnancy and caused tubal rupture, causing abdominal bleeding, and had to take urgent measures to remove one side of the fallopian tube.
My mother fainted in my father’s arms, and my father quarreled with the doctor. During the
hospital stay, the doctor told me and my mother that my chances of conceiving naturally would be affected in the future.
My mother cried, and I hid in her arms, not daring to look at her.
Her grief reached me through her clothes, and I sobbed with it. After recovering from the
illness, the two of them pressed me, and my mother threatened to hurt herself and wanted me to tell who had hurt me like this.
They went to the school, and the school made a secret investigation, but there was no follow-up.
I said I volunteered, and you couldn’t find anyone.
My father complained to my mother for a long time, thinking that my mother did not take good care of me.
My mother pounced on my father like crazy and scolded my father for leaving the family, which led to the humiliation of my daughter today. How could she have the nerve to say that she was wrong.
I thought they would at least relax their relationship in order to care about me, but I didn’t know that they would pass the buck to each other. I was so disappointed.
I looked at their appearance and recalled carefully that he came back from abroad, played basketball well, was tall and handsome, and could rehearse English plays. There is a kind of heterogeneous charm in
him. I want to start from the beginning.
My school is one of the best high schools in Beijing.
You know how hard that is.
Parents don’t get along well.
Once they quarreled, my mother scolded my father for having a mistress outside. My father was so angry that he slammed the door.
Relatives and friends persuaded my mother several times, but she stubbornly refused to accept other people’s persuasion.
I’ve heard her reveal what evidence she might have.
That day, the parents sat down to talk calmly, but the result was a formal separation.
I lived with my mother.
I am the top student in my class. With good
grades, my mother felt that there was light on her face, and I was able to temporarily jump out of the distress of incomplete family.
My mother accompanied me all the way from primary school to piano class, which was a very hard process. I learned well, and now I have passed the ninth grade. At the age of
15, I was admitted to the present key high school.
English is my strong point, the teacher let me do English class representative, and as a member of the life committee, responsible for some of the class affairs.
The teacher thinks highly of me, and I do my work very seriously. In the first
semester of senior high school, I noticed a boy in my class, Xiao Guo.
Xiaoguo’s parents went abroad to do business a few years ago and took him out, so he had received foreign education before.
I remember that not long after entering school, Xiaoguo and his teacher had an unpleasant encounter.
The teacher found him wearing an earring and asked him to remove it on the spot.
He doesn’t like it.
I don’t think it affects others. I don’t think it’s wrong.
Hsiao Kuo confronted the teacher and was invited to the office.
Later, he removed the earring. There is always something about
him that I can’t explain. He tries to hide his difference from us, but he has some appropriate publicity.
For example, the stationery he used was of a brand I hadn’t seen before; the clothes and shoes were not new, but they didn’t look cheap; and he tried to recommend his favorite R & B singer to us, and we didn’t like the style.
Although he was a little out of place, he still won the favor of our girls.
He was tall, a good basketball player, and had a leadership quality on the court that was rare in our age. The
girls gathered around to cheer on his every shot and counterattack, which had a feeling of a fan group. Obviously
, Guo also enjoyed being surrounded by fans. After every beautiful score, he would shake his fist and roar at the girls in our class, and we would cheer more warmly.
I first approached him in order to learn the true pronunciation.
Things started like this. At that time, the school organized an English speech contest, and little Guo Dangren refused to participate.
I also signed up for it.
I went on stage first, and I thought I played well. The person who spoke in the
back was a very beautiful girl. Her pronunciation was very good, and the content was impeccable. She got a high score.
But when Xiaoguo came to the stage and opened his mouth, I felt that, alas, this was not a level of competition at all.
Xiaoguo got the first place, the girl got the second place, and I got a participation award.
Afterwards, I found Xiaoguo and expressed my request to practice an oral dialogue with him every morning.
Kuo did not agree. He said, “I’ve been practicing English scripts with others recently.” I asked if I could attend. Guo hesitated for a moment and asked me to try.
Although I did not achieve the goal of one-to-one practice that I hoped, I was very happy that I had made progress.
But looking back, I never expected that this little thing would open Pandora’s box. After school
in the afternoon, I followed Xiaoguo to the laboratory building. There was an idle room in the
building, and Xiaoguo borrowed it from the school for a while on the pretext of training and rehearsing English drama. There were three people inside when
we went in. I haven’t seen
two of the girls, but the other one I know is the beautiful girl who won the second place in the speech contest. When the
beautiful girl saw me behind Xiaoguo, she frowned and held her hands in her chest, as if to ask what this ugly girl was doing.
Doubtful, even with some deliberate impatience and an affronted look, she looked me up and down and then moved to Xiaoguo.
Kuo spread out his hands, shrugged his shoulders, and said, Yuqing wanted to improve her spoken English and asked me if I could take part. I asked her to come and see first.
The pretty girl continued to be haughtily silent, staring at me. At first,
I was really frightened by her expression. I didn’t dare to look her in the face. My eyes wandered around her and turned to the blackboard. There was a long group of chemical formulas on the blackboard. The two colors of white chalk and red chalk were intertwined. I tried to remember which compound the formula was, but I couldn’t remember it.
I turned my eyes back to the beautiful girl.
Her long hair is obviously permed, the school banned perming, but she used some skills, not obvious from a distance, only girls can see this kind of careful machine.
She also trimmed her eyebrows and put on a very light lip gloss. Smell
hard, there seems to be some perfume, but I can’t tell what perfume it is.
I was interested to have a closer look at her dress, but the stalemate was soon broken. The pretty girl smiled affectedly, slanted her head and said, “Come on, we’re waiting. Don’t waste time.”. The scene that
followed was very bad.
They rehearsed a part of Oedipus, Xiao Guo played Oedipus, the beautiful girl played Iocasta, and I was assigned the role of Iocasta’s maid.
I hold the script, and the few lines that belong to me are contemptuous of me. Not only do
I not understand half of the words, but my pronunciation is a joke compared to theirs. The
beautiful girl interrupted me when I was reading the first sentence. She asked in a loud voice, “We are performing a play, not reading a textbook. Can you have a sense of substitution?”?
At that moment, it seemed that she was really the king’s wife, and I was just a humble maid. The
short two acts were rehearsed for almost two hours, and it was really too hard.
The beautiful girl said bluntly that I was like a child who broke into the stage and staggered to ruin the play.
She even thought that I was deliberately making trouble, wasting time, slowing down the pace and ruining her mood.
I’m not very smart, but how can I not understand the source of this hostility.
The other two girls must have been her followers. In order to get close to Xiaoguo, she thought of rehearsing a play and took them with her.
But what I don’t understand is that there is such a big gap between me and a beautiful girl. Why does she have to treat me as an opponent.
Throw away my fairly good grades, I am just an ordinary girl, from no special family, in addition to a little bit of piano expertise, what else can I do.
Before he left, Kuo came up to me and said, “Don’t be angry. She didn’t mean to target you. You performed very well. It’s hard to avoid stumbling in the first rehearsal. Don’t take it to heart.”. I’ll call you in
the next rehearsal.
Then he patted me on the head, and I was stunned by his intimate movements, feeling a little hot on my cheeks.
Next time, I ask myself, will I come again next time? The
rehearsal was intermittent, but I stuck to it.
Later, we changed to the music classroom to rehearse, and Xiaoguo added a task for me, so that I could play my own specialty and play the piano music when I didn’t need to appear. After
taking over the task, the girl’s attitude towards me was slightly relaxed.
I am also happy to participate in such activities, and I look forward to the early arrival of the two days of rehearsal every week. In
the twinkling of an eye, in April, my relationship with Xiaoguo became as close as I could see. We would eat lunch boxes together, discuss homework together, and complain about teachers together.
That beautiful girl, only in the rehearsal time to show her sense of existence, the rest of the time seems to have completely faded out of Xiaoguo’s life, I can not help but secretly pleased.
After a rehearsal, Kuo accompanied me out of the school gate. He took out a small box from his bag and gave it to me.
My eyes lit up and my heart beat violently.
Perturbed to take over, this is a package of plain square box, heavy.
I asked him how he knew my birthday.
Hsiao Kuo said, “Is there any secret between you girls? I’ll just ask my classmates about it.”.
I asked what was in it.
Kuo smiled and said, “Go home and open it!” On the way home, I couldn’t wait to unpack it.
It was a piano-shaped music box, and when it was wound up, it played “For Alice”.
I quickly put it in my bag and looked around. No one was paying attention to me. There was a constant tinkling sound in my bag.
This is not the first time I have received a birthday gift from a boy, but it is the first time I have received a gift from a boy I like.
I put it on my desk, and before I went to bed, I wound up the music box and fell asleep in the sound of tinkling.
Two days later, I went to the bookstore and bought a book of Shelley’s poems.
On the flyleaf, I copied the following verse: When a lamp is broken, its brightness is extinguished by dust; when the clouds of the sky are dispersed, the splendor of the rainbow disappears; when the string of the lute is broken, the beautiful music is silenced.
When there was no one in the classroom, I stuffed it into Xiaoguo’s desk.
Xiaoguo was a little surprised when he found the collection of poems and opened it to look at the title page.
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
When Xiaoguo looked up at me, I quickly turned around, bent my head and smiled low.
He knows my handwriting. He knows it’s from me! At the beginning of May, the drama was performed at the school’s cultural performance.
On that day, as if facing a formidable enemy, I made up carefully, put on borrowed costumes, and kept pacing backstage with the script on my back.
The beautiful girl didn’t care. She took a selfie with her mobile phone and asked me if I wanted to take a group photo. I refused, but she still put me in the camera and took a few pictures.
We went on stage in a mess and in a hurry, and there were a lot of mistakes in the middle. Fortunately, it was all in English, and the audience could not understand it very well, so no one was booing.
Xiaoguo was very happy and said that he would treat us to eat hot pot and sing together.
I called my mother and told her that after the performance, all the staff would have a group activity and might come home late.
Mother asked me to be home before 12 o’clock. A group of
us laughed and laughed to eat hot pot and sang randomly in KTV for a while. My voice condition was not good, so I could only sing some familiar songs.
The beautiful girl is a Mai Ba, and she sang a few songs with Xiaoguo and got full applause.
They also heckled them to drink a cup of wine.
I really envy them for being so in tune. At the
end of the show, Xiaoguo sent several girls to the car.
The beautiful girl was getting ready to get on the bus. She looked at me beside Xiaoguo and asked suspiciously, “Xiaoguo, should you send her home?”?
Hsiao Kuo said, Why are you jealous? Her home is quite far away. Take a bus first and then take a taxi. Don’t worry about it. Go first. The
beautiful girl left with a heavy heart and looked out of the window to see us, which made me feel uncomfortable.
Kuo took my hand and said, “Let’s go for a walk.”.
I struggled to break free a few times, but he had no intention of letting go, so I let him go.
His hands were warm and strong, and my palms were sweaty.
At the gate of a community, Xiaoguo invited me to sit at his house.
I refused at first, but I didn’t argue with his plea.
His parents were outside and didn’t come back.
Xiaoguo said he would show me his room.
I crept up with him to his bedroom upstairs.
He closed the door and hugged me hard.
I wanted to turn around and leave, but he looked at me with warm eyes.
I told him, no, no, I’m not that kind of girl. Doesn’t she like you better? Aren’t you boyfriend and girlfriend? When
he saw how badly I was struggling, he let go first and pretended to be relaxed and said, “Rain and sunshine..” I’m with you because I like you.
Do you have any idea how hard she’s been on me?
But I don’t like that kind of outgoing girl at all.
I knew he was telling the truth. Every time
that beautiful girl saw me, she was like an enemy of life and death. Even if I didn’t see her, I could guess how she clung to Xiaoguo before.
They sang so well that it was obviously not the first time they had sung together.
At that moment, I suddenly felt that I would lose him forever, and after he lost me, there would be more and better girls around him.
I had no idea. The door that was opened was for me to close gently.
I sighed and put my arms around him. I didn’t get home until nearly 12 o’clock
that night.
Mother blamed me for coming home too late.
I looked at the music box on the table and cried secretly on the table.
I think I am a very bad girl. Strangely, I don’t think Xiaoguo is bad at all. Instead, I think he did it because he really loved me.
I thought people who love each other would do this. Isn’t love a tangle of pain and joy.
Oedipus also tasted the bitter fruit of love and fate, didn’t he.
Later, Xiaoguo invited me to play and go shopping, but I refused on the pretext of preparing for the piano grading test.
He gave me the cold shoulder, and I could see him in pairs with beautiful girls at school.
I know that my first love was only a short moment, and then it disappeared like a bubble.
I’m so sad.
I always feel that I am not worthy of Xiaoguo. I am not surprised that he chose a beautiful girl, but I don’t think Xiaoguo is the kind of bad person who plays with girls. I don’t know people to such an extent.
But he pretended that it had never happened and turned around to date a beautiful girl, which was a kind of careless manner that made people feel cold.
Later, Xiao Guo went abroad again.
This matter, I do not say, Xiaoguo does not say, no one knows.
I do not want to say, not because he is not wrong, but I have been attributed to my indulgence, my ignorance and impulse led to such a result. When I
was not ready to fall in love, I stepped into a whirlpool. I was not so much in love as fighting for something with others.
When I thought I had it, fate slapped me hard.
When a lamp is broken, its light is extinguished in the dust; when the clouds of the sky are dispersed, the splendor of the rainbow disappears; when the strings of the lute are broken, the beautiful music is silenced.
I didn’t copy the last two lines of Shelley’s poem, because I was afraid that writing them would indicate a bad result.
When thelipshavespoken, Lovedaccentsaresoonforgot. It’s
a prophecy.
This may be the last thing I want to face, but it happens to be the bitter fruit I deserve.
. Focus on not getting lost ~
