What’s the most unbearable thing you can do in the countryside?
Do you know how bad it is to have a family without a son in the countryside?
The village council, Dad doesn’t have a speech.
New Year’s Eve, Mom can’t come to the table.
Even if we split up, we’ll have to spend the rest of our lives in the rain.
Until I was five, my mother got pregnant again…
01
When Mom gave birth to me, she had a lot of blood and almost didn’t make it.
In the following years, no more.
According to the village midwife, most of them had been injured and would never have children again.
I was four years old.
Dad was so angry at me, “I’ve spent most of my money and energy on building a new house, and why can’t I just share it?” I’m sorry.
“Why do you need a big house without a son?” I’m sorry.
“You see that all three of us are kids, we’ll have to live somewhere I’m sorry.
Grandma said, “You’ll get married sooner or later, and you’ll get old by your nephew.” I’m sorry.
Dad’s euphemism broke.
Does it sound funny now?
The idea that the nephew was a family member and the daughter was another family member was common at the time.
Dad came out of the house and sat down on a big rock in the yard.
The moonlight was bright and a thick shadow was drawn from his side.
I went over and surrounded his neck from behind: “Daddy, I’ll give you and your mother old age.” I’m sorry.
He slaps me on the back, and his voice chokes, “Well, that’s good. I’m sorry.
We finally moved to the dirthouse.
Old cows and ploughing tools for the family gave them all to Big Uncle.
We only got one fast-dispersed foot on the rice machine.
The night of the move, Mom tried under the stove several times and the fire just couldn’t light it.
The house was built by Grandpa, using mud bricks and the roof covered with grass.
It’s been empty for a long time, and the tide in the house will never get away.
A box of matches ran out, and my mother suddenly covered her face and her shoulders were moving.
Dad poured the water into the slug and came to her in silence.
My mother cried out with his waist.
That night, I slept on the bed of the north wing, and the cold wind stomped on me from all sides.
I strangled in the cotton of the hard, and I prayed in secret: Let Mommy have a brother.
Well, she and Dad shouldn’t be so upset.
Maybe my prayers were heard by God. Mother got pregnant soon.
02
Everyone in the village said that Mom had a sharp stomach and that she loved acid.
Dad said his son and daughter were the same, and at dinner he said to his mother, “Hey, Zhang Dao asked me to go to Guangdong next year to work, and said that there were plenty of opportunities. I’m sorry.
“We’ll build a house for a few years or we won’t get a daughter-in-law.” I’m sorry.
Grandma sent two eggs down.
“Summer, the eggs are for your mother’s brother. You can’t be greedy, okay? I’m sorry.
The woman in the village asked me, “Shacha, do you want a brother or a sister?” I’m sorry.
I didn’t hesitate: “Brother!” I’m sorry.
“Your parents wouldn’t love you if you had a brother.” I’m sorry.
“No, I’ll always be Mom and Dad’s baby.” I’m sorry.
Bitches laugh even more, and they don’t think it’s gonna scare a 4 or 5-year-old.
Family planning had been introduced.
But the policy provides that if you are a rural household and the first child is a girl, you can have another.
The day comes, Mom starts.
After a day of pain she had not been born, and the next day she went to the village butcher to cut off a large piece of fat pork and to mention a pig’s bone.
When she comes back with the meat.
Mom gave birth, she’s a sister!
Grandma stood in the yard with that sack of meat, and the midwife greeted her: “Go in and see the granddaughter, white and fat.” I’m sorry.
“No, I’m waiting for breakfast for some old boys! I’m sorry.
She left the bone and took it all away.
It was a difficult day, when the family ate fat and the bones sold cheaply.
I went inside to see my sister.
She’s wrinkled, she’s blushing, she’s like a little old man and she’s not fat and white.
My mother lay in a weak bed, staring at the grass roof, and tears came down from the corner of her eyes.
Dad smoked, “Don’t cry, it’s born.” I’m sorry.
Mom’s having a baby in time for the fall harvest.
Grandpa and Grandma were so busy at Big Uncle’s, Dad and I were so busy collecting rice.
Mom was in bed for three days, and she went down to cook for us.
That’s why it hurts when it rains.
That year, two aunts in the city came back for dinner.
My sister is starving and crying.
Mom’s in a smoked kitchen with Grandma, making dinner.
It’s been a long afternoon.
Mom has to be free to nurse her sister, and when she’s finished, she has no place on the table.
Dad, cousin, at the table, Grandma stopped: “What’s the trouble, let’s eat in the kitchen. I’m sorry.
03
It’s too bullying.
I dragged my parents home.
“The children know what to eat.” I’m sorry.
“Sister, you’re a lot easier than me.” I’m sorry.
“You have no idea how tired it is to have three sons. I’m sorry.
That night, no moonlight.
In New Year ‘ s 30s, the household had lights on.
Dark yellow light falls on the muddy road between the countryside.
I whispered to Mom and Dad why they put up with it.
“What do you kids know? I’m sorry.
My mother’s face is in the shadows: “Who will ask me not to give birth to a son?” I’m sorry.
Ahh.
They don’t believe I’ll give them old age.
Dad’s not going to Guangdong to work.
There’s no need to build a new house without a son.
They say that the country is so simple, but if these people stick their knives up, they’re tougher than anyone.
I don’t know when, Dad has a nickname for a mule.
A mule, a hybrid of horses and donkeys.
It’s impossible to breed.
The village needs money, and some laugh at the proposal: “The mules don’t need it, they don’t have a son, and they want him to pay for it. It’s too abusive. I’m sorry.
Dad was quiet, and Mom was afraid to complain at home, and smiled outside.
I can’t change them. I can only make myself stronger.
They called Dad Zhang mules, and I called them all mules.
Cousin bullied me and my sister, I bit with my teeth and kicked.
A piece of meat is torn from them even if they have a swollen nose.
Grandma took away the chicken boy who had just hatched and said he’d keep it for us.
It’s the old man’s.
I chased all the way out and took it back.
The mother tied the cow to my land and ate a whole piece of freshly grown cabbage.
She also pretended it wasn’t intentional.
I opened her garden door and put all the chickens in.
I’ve pecked all her garden food.
She’s so mad at her.
And We said to her, ‘The next time you eat my food, I’ll cut you with a sickle.’ I’m sorry.
Gradually, I was notorious in the village.
And the ladies always told me, “You have no brother, no brother, no brother, no one will back you up.” I’m sorry.
Mom looked at me, and she was like, “I don’t know if I can get out of this!” I’m sorry.
But Mom.
I just…
Protect you, protect this family.
At a glance, it’s time for my sister to go to pre-school.
This day, two big events that affected my life.
04
One is the first day of pre-school for my sister.
But three times, she can get one to a hundred.
The substitute teacher is from the village, and she says, “Your family is much smarter in the autumn than in the summer.” I’m sorry.
Second, eight brothers of the same family diagnosed stomach cancer.
There was no health insurance at that time, and for people in rural areas cancer was tantamount to a death sentence.
However, it was not expected that the eight uncles’ daughters, who had studied middle school and worked in the city, would have taken them to hospital.
Most of his stomach was cut off, his eight uncles survived, and he talked to the villagers about the fun of being hospitalized in the city.
Back from the 8th Big Uncle’s house that day, Mom grabbed his dad out to play poker:
“Jianjun, Autumn is so smart, we can only train her better than our son! I’m sorry.
With faith, Mom and Dad are rebooting.
They were the same as my sister.
From that day on, my sister gained more preferences.
If there’s only one chicken leg, it must be her.
She didn’t want to have breakfast at home, and her mother would give her 50 cents for tacos.
I only get that treatment if I get sick.
Every New Year, my sister must have a new dress.
And I’m wearing old clothes that two aunts pulled back.
Double-breeding autumn harvest, sister doesn’t have to go to the ground.
And mother said: These are your hands which write, and they do not need you. I’m sorry.
“Autumn and Autumn, you must learn and cheer our family. I’m sorry.
My sister is really smart. She’s always first in class. She gets a trophy every semester.
The prize was much larger than it is today.
It has to be said that much of this learning depends on talent.
I’m many times harder than my sister.
I sleep at 11:00 a day, starting at 5:00.
On my way to school, I’ll carry ten words in English.
By the end of the week, I went to the mountains to cut bamboo, pick mushrooms, pick tea leaves, pick tea seeds and save up the money for extracurricular courses.
The school was a lined-up dry toilet, and I went to the toilet with a mathematical test paper, and when the problem was solved, I found my legs numb and almost stepped on a pile of shit.
I’ve always believed that stupid birds fly first, but it’s not obvious.
I don’t want to admit it, but I’m the one with the popular Rip.
It’s the background board in the TV show, it’s the one in the novel, it’s the “who’s there” at the reunion.
My mother kept saying to me, “Summer, you’re a sister. You have to protect your sister and support her.” I’m sorry.
You don’t have to tell me, Mom.
I was protecting her from the moment she was born.
Soon after a few years, I took the midterm.
I was invited to work in Guangdong before my grades came out.
“In the factory, she can earn 800 a month.” I’m sorry.
“I can buy a nice dress, and I want to burn my hair. I’m sorry.
The summer was hot, and my mother was sitting under a mammoth tree, shaking a fan, and she said, “The summer and summer will make money to pay for the autumn and autumn, and it will be easier for both of you.” I’m sorry.
“Yeah, now it’s autumn.” I’m sorry.
I’m gonna drag it down, and it’s gonna be the day of my grades.
In the hot summer, my hands and feet cool like ice.
Even though I’ve done my best, I’m nine points short of the score line.
Nine points short.
If I try a little harder, if I do a few more sets of questions, if I check every exam…
Will my life be different?
In the second case, a letter of admission was sent to the home.
That night, under the dark lights, my mother looked at the notice and lamented: “Summer, few of them get into college every year. I’m sorry.
“In the fifth grade of autumn and autumn, your father and I wanted to send her to junior high school next year, but that was a big expense…”
“If you two read it together, I’ll read it with your father.
Incandescent lanterns are in poor contact, and the sound of “stabbing and stinging” is cut from the bottom of my heart.
Mom and Dad looked at me silently, waiting for me to say, “No, I don’t read.”
05
My sister is innocent: “I want to go to high school, and so do I in the countryside.” I’m sorry.
“Do you know what the country is like in the city?” I’m sorry.
After a long silence, I opened my fist: “I’m not going to high school. I’m sorry.
“The teacher said I would be free if I went to junior high school. I’m almost begging, “Dad, Mom, when you graduate, I’m sure I’ll make you three years of money.” I’m sorry.
Now look at this paragraph, I can understand Mom and Dad’s choice.
There’s only so much at home to provide for the better.
An ordinary girl like me is destined to be abandoned.
But if I had the chance to cross back, I would have been running around, begging on my knees, doing my best to go to high school.
My grandmother and my mother both scolded me:
“Why can’t you take your parents for granted that all the girls in the village are working? I’m sorry.
The women in the village told their parents:
“It’s no big deal to read a middle school now. It’s just a son. A daughter. I’m sorry.
“Let her work early to build a house for you, and now you have no idea when this brick house will collapse. I’m sorry.
Before the start of school, my mother told me, “We don’t give you much of a job, you need to save some flowers. I’m sorry.
Middle school is in the city, and it’s completely different from rural consumption.
$200 a month is enough to eat.
And then the network was up and I applied for QQ.
Talked to her on QQQ, she said, “The work on the water line is not done by humans, working 12 hours a day, taking four days off in a month, and withholding money if it is not completed. I’m sorry.
“I’m going crazy with those parts every day. I’m sorry.
“Summer, better read. We have a family, white collars with high heels and lipstick in our office. I’m sorry.
The Korean play is popular, and I chose business Korean.
I set myself a goal: I have to go to a foreign firm and work in a grid room.
It’s not as hard as junior high, but I’m not slacking, trying.
The roommates go to Internet cafes, they play games, I usually go to check, or they follow the Korean play.
I get up at 6:00 a.m. every day, run for breakfast and study, and then go to class.
I don’t have time for class, except for part-time work.
I read a lot of books.
It was small, it was impossible to distinguish and choose.
So they devoured the palms, and put all their heads down.
We don’t have a good school. Few people study.
Both men and women are suffering from the popular man-killing of Matt’s hair.
The girl drew smoke makeup without eyeballs and the boy smoked with ear nails.
Some have the guts to hold and chew and touch in the cafeteria.
As long as it doesn’t kill anyone, the teacher doesn’t care.
I don’t usually go home to save money.
Every time she calls her mother, she always says, “Don’t make trouble at school, don’t save money. It’s not easy for me and your father to make money. I’m sorry.
I rarely buy new clothes, and there’s always only two underwears to wear, much less cosmetics.
I feel guilty when I go out with my roommate and spend two bucks on the cheapest lemonade.
Yes.
Mom’s orders make me feel guilty for spending every penny.
Many years later, I can make my own money, but the first thing I do when I go shopping is price.
Even if I could totally afford that dress, I still didn’t have enough.
Poor, locked in my bones.
It took me a long time to wipe it off a little bit.
But maybe I’ll be affected for life.
There’s a handsome boy in the senior year who likes me.
I’ve been chasing me for more than two months, buying food every day and waiting for me downstairs.
06
The roommates persuaded me to come from him.
“He’s so handsome, he’s rich. I’m sorry.
“It’s good for you too. Try it. I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
I refused.
Smoking and drinking and fighting, in the eyes of a 15-and-six-year-old girl, having sex.
But I don’t like it.
About a month later, Zhao Liang talked about a new girlfriend and was a sister at the next university.
He came to town with her, and many boys boasted of his ability.
He showed up in front of me.
At night, the roommates were angry.
“It’s only been a while, and she’s in her arms. I’m sorry.
“I don’t think she’s any better than us. She’s three or four years older, and you’re not as pretty as summer. I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
After a fight, the dormitory whispered, “But what about the educated, decent university student?” I’m sorry.
The dormitory was silent.
Then we understood that there was a blind gap that cut us apart from them.
Because of academic worship, the boys envy Zhao Liang because he crossed the ditch and held hands of the opposite.
I don’t think that sister has to go to school.
My sister passed the district junior high exam and my parents rented a small house in the county to read it.
This has been a big hit in the village.
Grandma cursed with a cane:
“A pair of girls, you’ve spent so much effort on paying someone else! I’m sorry.
“You’ve got the money to line up your nephew, and no one will fall.” I’m sorry.
The villagers also laughed in secret.
It’s better to hire a son-in-law.
Mom’s suffocating so her sister must fight.
And he said to me, “You should study, too, and when you’re doing your internship, you’ll have to lighten up the burden.” I’m sorry.
There’s not much opportunity for a small county.
Parents push their cars to sell fried powder, sometimes driven away by the city, making enough money for a family to spend.
Secondary school is three years and the first two years are in school.
Internships began during the second summer of the year, and water lines were organized in schools.
I refused to go to work with some of my regular schoolmates.
I have been at the top of the list for two years.
I’ve been to several competitions and won prizes.
I have chips.
I bought myself a professional dress and made my roommate wears makeup.
It was a nice day, when I was out of town.
That’s a good sign.
I went to an interview with a foreign firm with my curriculum vitae, with confidence and hope.
She was among the interviewers.
And We had a moment of panic, and soon We settled.
She skips classes every day, either online or bar.
And I’ve been learning.
When I waited, I went over and over the Korean language introduction.
It is impeccable.
Finally, the interview officer showed up.
She will take a quick look at her résumé and split it between the left and the left.
“Leline, open up, Li Bei, Zheng Ha Ha…”
Called my name.
I stood up quickly and prepared to fight.
The next sentence of the personnel manager, however, was thrown like an ice puddle.
07
“Follow Liu to the factory. I’m sorry.
“The rest of you can stay and try again. I’m sorry.
How did this happen?
I’m moving forward and I’m excited to ask, “Manger, why?” Look at my résumé. I’ve got good grades. I’ve got a lot of awards.
She looked at the résumé and said, “But you have a degree in middle school, and we have the lowest undergraduates in our office, and if you’re very good, I can win for you. I’m sorry.
“The middle school,” she said, “It’s too low.”
I fell from the high tower of hope and fell all over my body.
And his ears were buzzing and he heard her, “Follow Liu and behave well and mention you as leader.” I’m sorry.
Aoi went to retest.
She took a good look at me when she left with the personnel manager.
Back that day, it rained.
I fell into the soup and cried in the rain.
Why can’t I get that one?
I don’t like it. I’ve tried a lot of companies.
They were rejected without exception.
There’s a company that’s very direct.
“The chicken head and the phoenix, we’ll pick the phoenix. I’m sorry.
When my parents found out, they told me, “Don’t we all? Take your time. You can make money with a job. I’m sorry.
And my mother mocked: “You’ve said it before, today’s middle school students are useless. You’ve read it for nothing. I’m sorry.
If my fate is destined to be a line of water, is my two years of effort really in vain?
My roommate looked at me, and he pulled me to the movies.
Film tickets are wool, bought for five dollars.
In front of the cinema, I met Aoi.
She’s not dressed like she used to. She’s got a working woman.
She laughed at me: “I broke up with Zhao Liang, and I was not one of the world. I’m sorry.
“If you want to catch up with me,” she shakes the coffee in her hand, and goes to college first. I’m sorry.
University.
Can I still go to college?
I was lost, and then I went back home.
I met the scent.
She’s pregnant. Wedding in three days.
But she was only 18 months old.
I went to the wedding day.
She’s got a big tummy, a black and a mess over her head.
The red dress was raised, the bad lipstick was stunned by tea and the mouth was red.
I asked her, “How is your husband treating you?” I’m sorry.
And she covered her belly, and laughed: “He slept with one of my plants, and now the children are all, and what is good?” I’m sorry.
“You said you’d dye your hair. I’m sorry.
“He said he wouldn’t let it go, saying that the hair was like a lady sitting on the table. I’m sorry.
It’s raining.
Summer rain hit me in the face.
I’m on the wind and I’m going faster.
I’m scared.
Is it my future now?
If I succumb to fate and become a screw on the water line, will I soon come back with my stomach and marry.
And then, all my life.
I stepped on a muddy foot to my house and pushed the door of the yard, screaming, “Dad, Mom, I want to go to college! I’m sorry.
There’s a lot of people sitting in the hall.
I think Mom and Dad just got back from the field with mud on their legs.
Grand-Grand-Grand-Grand-Grand-Grand, Grand-Uncle, and I have a strange mother and son.
The mother and son are distant relatives.
Son’s twenty-four, looking stupid.
In the countryside, this age is older for young men.
The lady wants to set us up.
Grandma heard me say that I was going to college, and she yelled at me and said I had a fever.
“Hasn’t you just been drinking? I’m sorry.
“My nephew’s in perfect condition, the new building. You’re my niece. It’s good to think of you. I’m sorry.
“Yes, yes, yes, we can offer 30,000 for the bride price! “You don’t have to prepare the dowry.” I’m sorry.
Grandma was happy: “You’re a good man, and you’ll be good to my granddaughter, who may be doing it.”
My sister-in-law said, “I’m a little thin, and I’m afraid it will be a sin to have a child.” I’m sorry.
“I’m not too young, I mean we’ll get engaged this month. We’ll go to work in Guangdong, we’ll get married at the end of the year. I’m sorry.
08
That’s the basic process in the countryside.
The engagement – to work together – during the period of work when pregnant – comes back to marry in the following year.
“The summer and summer are still small.” I’m sorry.
Grandma said, “It’s almost 18, little or little! I’m sorry.
Dad smoked a cigarette and kept quiet in Grandma’s fierce eyes.
They are weak, always.
What I want, I can only fight for it myself.
I turned over the table, and I said to my wife, “He’s in such good condition to marry you!” I’m sorry.
“If you press me, I’ll hang myself in front of your house and see who’ll be your daughter-in-law.” I’m sorry.
This marriage is over.
I’ve been promoting my evil deeds throughout the village.
The women say I am crazy: “She is a high school student who can’t go to college every day. What kind of dream is she?” I’m sorry.
“I thought college was a cabbage, so we could seed it? I’m sorry.
Grandma yelled at her mother.
Finally, he said, “It’s not for her to marry. It’s 30,000 dollars, and it’s just for your brother to fix the house, and it’s 22 years ago. I’m sorry.
That night, my mom asked me how a college student got into college.
I can’t wait to tell my plans.
I’ll be accepted by the repeat school. There’s a famous school in the next county.
After a long silence, Mom asked, “How much is the tuition? I’m sorry.
“A semester of 3,000. I’m sorry.
Repetition schools are profitable.
They don’t want to take it.
“So much money! I’m sorry.
What was the concept of 3,000 then?
Mom sells iron and powder on the street. One dollar for one.
Take out all costs and make about 30 cents.
Mom pulls out a tin box, under a dark light, a ticket with wrinkles.
“This money was meant for your sister. It’s not enough for you. I’m sorry.
Her hands were constantly working, dark and wrinkled.
The horns are all wrinkled, and look at me like that.
More than two years ago, she looked at me like that, and she made me go back and go to middle school.
I held on to my fist, resisted my guilt and kneeled before my parents.
“Whatever I borrow will be double, no, five times ten times, please.” I’m sorry.
09
Please, don’t break my dream wings.
“And look upon me, even though I am ordinary and hard.”
Sister cried.
“Mom, let your sister study. I can’t go to remedial classes. I’ll get first grade. I’m sorry.
“It’s only a year, if you don’t, you get married.” I’m sorry.
At night, my sister and I were squeezed in a little bed.
She whispered, “Sister, I find it hard to get first place. I’m sorry.
Because we’re born a dot, then round.
The bigger the circle, the bigger the unknown.
You know, you’re really small.
Some people have shrunk from there and made a limited ball.
But I don’t!
Even if I’m meant to be ordinary, I’m gonna swell and expand.
In the end, I’m still a dust in the universe.
I did everything I could, I don’t regret it.
Throughout the week, I was surrounded by ridicule and verbal abuse.
Scolding Grandma, saying I’m stupid enough to be weird, saying that I dream all day and that I don’t have college life.
Scoffing a lot of mouths from the village.
They’ve characterized my failure by urging my parents not to spend money, but to keep it.
In mid-July, my sister and my parents went to the next county to study.
My sister dropped me off at the village entrance.
Come on, sister!
“Autumn and Autumn, if you don’t want to rot here forever, don’t let yourself down. You have no idea how much I envy you for having a smart head. I’m sorry.
That year, my sister went to the first year, and I went to the third.
It’s not good to go back to school.
Everyone is over-educated and has a foundation, and teachers are teaching subjects.
It’s not in their minds to keep up with people like us.
I’m a piece of paper. It starts as if I’m listening to heaven.
Mom and Dad only gave me tuition.
I’ll make a couple of bowls a day for the canteen aunt so I can make three meals for free.
Usually is what’s left of what I eat.
Then auntie watched me work hard and left me chicken legs or red meat.
“You’re still growing, you can’t eat leftovers every day. I’m sorry.
I could eat five or two meals at a time when I wasn’t afraid of fat, I just didn’t think I could eat enough.
At 10:30 p.m., the room lights out.
I took the books and studied in the hallway.
The corridor is a sensor light, it’s gone out in no time, and it has to go back and forth.
There are so many mosquitoes in the summer it doesn’t work.
I’m afraid to shoot loudly, afraid to disturb other students.
I can’t stop my leg.
It’s all over my leg.
The school atmosphere is very depressing.
We’re all reading, and we’re having little communication.
I don’t understand much, but we’re all in a hurry and we’re not going to waste time helping a zero-base man.
“I’ll teach you!” I’m sorry.
I always went to her with the title, and she didn’t sound too good.
Doesn’t matter.
I’ve been a social hit man.
Still afraid of the face?
But after a long time, I found out she was really nice.
She lent me her first-graders’ notes and a lecture book.
It’s gonna be over-eye. My eyesight’s down.
Words that could have been clearly seen had become blurred.
I’ve got a hundred bucks for my glasses. I can’t afford them, I can only bite.
I count first from class, crawling hard.
No matter what I pray, time is not a minute slow for me.
The first semester passed, the last month of the year, and I took the 18th down.
I smiled at my report card and cried.
More than 300 points, perhaps a score for the average high schooler with his eyes closed.
But only I know how hard it is.
In the 30th night of that year, Dad pushed my door open and asked me, “Will you not go out and watch Spring Night?” I’m sorry.
I didn’t look up with a pen: “Wait, I’ll finish this. I’m sorry.
Dad was at the door for a while and turned around and took the door.
The TV outside is much smaller.
When I’m done, I’m singing “The Night of the Night.”
In the second year of New Year’s, Grandma and my wife are going to say goodbye.
“This is a second marriage, but they can offer a bride price of 80,000. I’m sorry.
10
“Let’s wait for her to finish her exams.” I’m sorry.
The mother turned her eyes: “It’s only been a few years for a girl to be young, and after 20 years, there’s no such thing as a good thing to do. You two don’t listen, and you will regret it later.” I’m sorry.
It is February after the end of the year and time is of the utmost urgency.
I found myself in a bottleneck, time was not enough and anxiety was overwhelming.
The canteen aunt won’t let me wash the dishes anymore.
I was a little scared because Mom gave me a hundred bucks for living and couldn’t last a month.
Aunt wipes her hands on her apron and smiles at me: “You’ll come for dinner three times, and you won’t be charged.” You concentrate, I see you. I’m sorry.
“Thank you, Auntie!”
“I thought you’d say no. I’ve prepared a lot of things. I’m sorry.
I smiled, I smiled, I woke up, I bowed to her, “Thank you!” I’m sorry.
“Go learn, my daughter was trying so hard, I’ll pay for it!” I’m sorry.
Jiangxi also saw my anxiety.
She’s got a draft paper before she’s done.
Draws a big tree.
“You imagine a generation of history as a tree. The year is the main, and all that happens is the branch of this tree, and a little bit of the tree fills it with memories that are also skilled in finding the right way to remember yourself.”
My bottleneck, she knocked it off.
I gave up all my grotesque thoughts and learned all day and night.
It’s June.
The little tweezers under the dorms are open and the dark scent is floating.
Koko’s bus, roll over.
I had dinner on the 6th, and Jiang Zhong dragged me to the playground.
The night was a little intruding, the light was dim, and half her face was in the shadows.
“Summer, would you do it again if you failed this year? I’m sorry.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get another chance. “Don’t worry, you’ll get it this time.” I’m sorry.
“But I want to go to Rehab! She grabbed my hand, “Come on, let’s take this last time and do another one.” I’m sorry.
The exam is tomorrow. A lot of people have decided to relax.
There are not many people in the classroom.
The heart of Jiang draws a series of mathematical yellow rolls torn in half.
“Let’s do this! I think it’s going to happen! I’m sorry.
Every second of the exam is so long and so painful.
After that, I felt like I had been empty.
Walking is light.
Pack up and I’ll say good-bye and go home.
“Thank you for pulling me for the roll. I’m sorry.
She smiled so loudly, “I said, “That’s the question.” I’m sorry.
Dad’s working at the construction site for our sisters.
Mom was pushing the truck to sell fried powder.
I packed my bags to find her, and she was driven out of town.
The car was old and heavy, and when she stepped on the pedal, she stood up, and even her hair wire seemed to be pushing.
My eyes are so thick, I’m gonna run up to the back.
Mom looked back at me and smiled and said, “That’s it. I’m sorry.
She didn’t ask me how I was doing, but at night she put a pamphlet on my father, and she said, “You’re going to college, and so did I. I’m sorry.
“I can’t blame your father and I for being partial. When you’re done, go to work. I’m sorry.
Turns out they never thought I’d make it.
It was Grandma’s birthday that day.
Mom got up at 5:00 a.m. and bought some food at the kitchen and took the first bus home.
She was so busy in the kitchen that the lady was in the yard washing her vegetables, and she was doing it for half an hour.
The food comes to the table and Mom’s busy in the kitchen.
Because it’s a birthday, a lot of family.
Three round tables were opened.
Everyone’s sitting down, and there’s no mother.
Grandma called out to her busy mother in the kitchen: “Cuihua, don’t be busy, sit down. I’m sorry.
Grandma knocks on the bowl: “Don’t mind her, she’s just weird and not in love with the table. I’m sorry.
My sister looked at the clock on the wall and whispered, “Is it 12 o’clock? I’m sorry.
I didn’t think I heard you.
She laughed: “What’s good to know? It’s hard work for three years, she’s not smart, she’s been in school for a year, and it’s weird.” I’m sorry.
“Can you take a three-point test?”
And speak of My word among your relatives, but it is disheartening.
My uncle also blamed my father for saying, “The girl should have married earlier, and you’ve wasted money on her! I’m sorry.
“He has no son, he can’t do it.” I’m sorry.
Grandma looked up to her face: “You promised before. If Summer doesn’t pass the exam, you’ll be given your home base to Taibao, so don’t repent.” I’m sorry.
Dad’s shoulder was so tight, he handed me the old Nokia. I’m sorry.
I’m not interested in you, but I’m not interested. I’m sorry.
I know that my grades are not just about my own future.
And Dad’s face, Mom’s waistbar and our househouse that hasn’t been used.
I took a deep breath, dialed the query, entered that deep-seated test number.
After a long wait, the sound of the mechanical broadcast went off.
Eleven.
Languages 121.
Math 92.
English 105.
Summary 240.
Total score 548.
That year’s two-line art is 523, one-line is 578.
My hands are shaking, my ears are buzzing.
Suspected of being wrong and repeated again.
In the loud and noisy bedroom, there was silence.
Only mechanical sound, echoing impact.
My sister reacted first, and she grabbed me: “Sister, you got it. You got it. You got it. I’m sorry.
Dad’s eyes were red, and he drank all the wine he had before him, and he said, “Got it, get it.”
Mom was leaning on the door of the house.
On her back, she covered her eyes with her hands, and then crawled down against the wall.
Dad stood up and walked over.
She held Dad’s leg and started to choke.
“Why are you crying? I’m sorry.
“We’ll have hope for it later. I’m sorry.
My sister put her hand on my face and smiled, “You shouldn’t cry, too. I’m sorry.
Did I cry?
I reached out with tears all over my face.
548 points, probably nothing for smart guys.
But I’m Zheng Xianxia.
Since I was a kid, I’ve done everything I could to win first, and I’ve got a few awards.
I’ll never be able to solve the final question of the math paper.
I’ve never been the most important child of my parents, and no one in my family has praised me.
A year ago, I was rejected by foreign sources.
And right now, I got it.
It’s just two, but it’s enough to pull me out of a muddy life.
I’m about to break my chopstick. “It’s two books. It’s not a subject. I’m sorry.
“Of course I’m happy, it’s no better than three percent.” I’m sorry.
“Big brother and brother didn’t get into high school. Your brother’s gonna take the exam soon, right? I’m sorry.
“Don’t talk to me, I’m not a student.” I’m sorry.
The mother’s teeth are broken, and a game has been robbed of him: “You can’t have a snack!” I’m sorry.
“You didn’t care for me, so you sent me to the city to study with Sha and Aki. I’m sorry.
“On your three-point score…”
“What’s wrong with 30 percent? She couldn’t even get a 30 percent! My cousin kicked off the chair. I’m sorry.
Grandma stood up: “Where are you going? I’m sorry.
“I’m not eating, I’m full of gas. I’m sorry.
As soon as my cousin turned around, he was gone.
Grandma said, “Look what you’ve done, the kids are gone without eating, no wonder they’ve been growing up. I’m sorry.
Mom’s ready for her emotions.
I brought her to my cousin’s place: “Mom, sit down and eat.” I’m sorry.
She wiped her eyes: “There’s still an empty cabbage left. I’m sorry.
I took a look at her: “Let her go, you’ve been busy so long. I’m sorry.
12
As soon as you change your face, you have to say no.
Grandma looked at her: “What are you waiting for? Go, the guests are waiting! I’m sorry.
Mom sits down and smiles.
I’m the first serious college student in the old Jung family.
As many relatives as are present here, the highest number of seniors is in college.
In a matter of 10 minutes, people’s words changed.
Congratulations and envy.
In the past, the family of three sons was the focus of attention.
Now, all attention is in my house.
“The building of the army, or you have the courage to go to college in summer and summer, and fall and fall are the same. I’m sorry.
“Both daughters are college students. I’m sorry.
Grandma laughed, “You’ll have a holiday. This is a good drink. I’m sorry.
It’s the custom of our son-in-law to bring wine to his husband.
And he said, “You have no son, nor do you earn a bride price, so that you may keep it for yourself without the payment of your son.” I can’t bear to have more daughters! I’m sorry.
“Yes, daughter of a college student. The bride price is $800,000. I’m sorry.
My smile is coming back.
You listen, how awful.
For these people, a higher bride price is the value of girls entering university.
“You don’t know, it’s not like you’re getting married. The buildings built in the village don’t look good.” I’m sorry.
“It’s not easy to buy a house in the city. I’m gonna have to pay 30 years of loans. I’m gonna have my bones turned to ashes. I’m sorry.
That’s what people say.
Times are different.
If you work outside, it’s okay to talk about the subject.
If it is not possible to do so, the costs are enormous, and many girls also ask the city to buy a house and not live with their parents.
This is a difficult task for rural people who have little access to money.
Speaking of which, my aunt asked me, “Didn’t you say Dabao talked about a girlfriend?” He’s 25, too. You gotta hurry. I’m sorry.
The one with the ugly face: “Yes. I’m sorry.
“What’s the difference? I’m sorry.
“Too ugly. I’m sorry.
“The girl I’ve seen looks good.” I’m sorry.
Grandma knocks on the bowl: “It’s your sister-in-law who picks up her rack before she gets through the door, makes people wash their dishes and cooks, and drives girls away. I’m sorry.
“Dabao hasn’t called home in two months. I’m sorry.
There was a time when people were clamoring.
I have been accused even more.
It wasn’t until my cousin talked about her son’s studies that people talked about them.
Dad drank a lot of wine, red-faced.
It’s damp in the eyes, it’s the effect of alcohol, it’s the emotion.
I had to go to the kitchen to wash the dishes.
And I grabbed her, “Mom, you bought the food, so let me wash it.” I’m sorry.
I dragged her back with my sister.
I’m yelling behind my back, “Sister and sister, sister and sister, bowl…”
13
Mom took a deep breath and smiled, “I’m a little drunk, so wash your bowl.” I’m sorry.
Out of my mother’s yard, my mother’s feet accelerated, she walked a few steps and suddenly she laughed.
She cried again.
She held me back, “Summer, Summer, you really are cheering for Mom!” I’m sorry.
“Mommy finally went straight to the waist pole. I’m sorry.
“When the fall and autumn exam is over, mom will be able to stand up straight. I’m sorry.
I’d love to tell her.
Mom, if you don’t have a son, you can keep your head up.
It’s your life. Don’t worry about the gossip.
But I know she can’t.
She can’t get rid of the idea that she was carved in her bones from childhood.
Only me and my sister have been up.
Our greatness will be her glory and bottom.
The news from the country is fast.
That night, everyone in the village knew I was in.
Everyone was surprised.
After all, I’ve never shown anything about learning.
Dad put his hands in his pocket and went from the village head to the village end.
When I got back, I pulled a dozen cigarettes out of my pocket.
Mom went to the pond to wash her clothes, and she was the girl.
Her face has been red for days.
I finally met Jiangxi.
“How’d you do? I’m sorry.
“The pro rata figure is eight points higher than last year’s re-entry line. I just couldn’t go to the profession I wanted to go to. I’m sorry.
“Then you…”
“That’s what she’s gonna do!” She’s got a light in her eyes, and she’s gonna find a way. I’m sorry.
The teacher found me alone.
“JUNG Ha Ha Ha, if you read it for another year, I think you should get a hard copy. I’m sorry.
One more year, Mom and Dad won’t approve.
I shook my head, “That’s it, I won’t read it. I’m sorry.
“Don’t be depressed, you can read, and with your will, you can do it again.” I’m sorry.
“I’m waiting for you in Rehab. I’m sorry.
I filled out a second book in the provincial capital and applied for a student loan.
Mom and Dad were proud of me. I thought my life was a new chapter.
But in fact, many things have not changed.
I’m helping my mom with the powder, and I’m looking for all kinds of part-time jobs.
On one occasion, a new shop was made a doll.
38 degrees of weather, I’m wearing thick dolls, and one day, the whole thing’s gone.
Go home and find a watermelon in the bucket.
I had a knife that I couldn’t wait to open and Mom came back.
She took my hand and said, “It’ll be hot for your sister to come back from school after school. I’m sorry.
“I want to eat now. I’m sorry.
Can’t wait an hour? Mom’s frowning, “What’s the rush? I’m sorry.
She kept talking.
Finally, with my insistence, she opened that watermelon.
And when Dad gets back from work, she calls me back on the table.
But Mom, if she wanted to eat, would you let her wait for me who hasn’t come home yet?
School’s about to start.
Mom gave me $500.
Two hundred, three fiftys, and the rest is a stack of $20.
She counted three times: “Now that the city is getting tougher, I can’t do my business, your father’s foreman always doesn’t pay, you have to save money.” I’m sorry.
“Be honest outside, don’t cause trouble. I’m sorry.
And when she gave it to me, she drew back a hundred: “You did a lot of part-time work during the summer, and you should still have money on you.” I’m sorry.
14
At night, my sister snuck me $200.
“Where did you get the money?”
“My aunt gives me a hundred bucks every New Year. I’m sorry.
Look.
Smart kids are always more popular and privileged.
I convinced myself not to mind: I can work part-time at the university, and I’m sure I can support myself.
But it’s not that easy.
There are many provincial universities, 985 two, 211 one.
By contrast, one of our little ones is nothing.
You can’t go to school.
Leaflets can only be distributed on weekends or new shops can be filled with heads.
This type of part-time work is not common, competition is intense, and intermediaries have been drawn considerably.
Then I got a job at a business teahouse night shift.
From 5:00 to 11:30.
The dormitory is closed at 11:00, and every month I buy some fruit to the bedroom aunt and sometimes bring her some clean snacks left in the teahouse.
She left the house for me.
Dinner can be served with a working meal and save a fortune.
Started as a regular waitress.
Twelve hundred a month, very hard.
Then I found that the tea artist in the store was well paid and relaxed.
So I had time to go to the farm and they started the tea class.
I was really like a gyro.
During the day, I travel between my university and the farmer, and work in the teahouse at night.
You go to bed at 12 o’clock every day and you can sleep with your eyes closed.
Open my eyes and I’m a fighter full of energy.
The tea artist exam is much simpler than the high examination.
I took the middle school first. I got a six-hundred.
Then he took the advanced exam, and his salary was increased by 600.
By the end of the freshman year, my basic salary was 2400.
Some of the guests would recommend the tea I bought, so I could make a fortune, and I would have about 3000 a month.
And at that time, our graduate senior, the average salary was at the beginning of 2000.
That year, my sister went to the top thirty in the county.
A focus high school in the province contacted parents and threw olive branches at their sister.
In order to retain talent, county I said that tuition and accommodation fees could be waived.
Grandmother and Grandmother strongly opposed going to the provincial city.
“What else is there to think about? Must have been left in one!” I’m sorry.
“Going to the capital city, school fees, fees, and expenses. I’m sorry.
15
Sister wants to go.
Over the years, there has been a significant brain drain in the districts.
Many teachers have been dug up by good schools in the city.
The admission rate in County I is declining year by year.
Mom and Dad hesitated.
It’s still money.
I took the time to come home and took out $5,000.
“Come to the city, of course. The higher the starting point, the higher the steps that can jump in autumn and autumn, the difference in life. I’m sorry.
I went so far, I was hoping that my sister would go so smoothly and avoid any wrong choice.
Mom said I could pay my sister’s tuition.
Grandma and Auntie are shocked.
After all, I’m still in school. I can make a few bucks on part-time.
The next day in the village there were rumors that I was hanging out every night and making dirty money.
I had dinner that night, and my mom was like, “Sharea, you’re not really in town? I’m sorry.
“How can you earn so much money? I’m sorry.
I’m so mad.
Those people in the village said nothing.
She’s my mother. How can she suspect me?
I killed her once.
“Does your mother worry about you, reading so many books, teach you to be angry with your parents?” I’m sorry.
The next day, I stood outside the house of my wife and I was like:
“I’m on a night shift, not a hooligan. Some people don’t even know what a night shift is! I’m sorry.
“When you’ve got time to break your mouth, why don’t you make some money for your son’s wife.” I’m sorry.
I almost died.
I told Mom and Dad to make a living in the city.
The bigger the city, the more opportunities.
Our manager’s friend contracted a university canteen and is looking for work.
But Grandma was firmly opposed to scolding.
Said Dad was a bad boy, White-Eyed Wolf.
Says he’s a fool. He’s been busy his whole life for two daughters who are getting married anyway.
Said he had no respect for his people.
A couple of nephews are still not married and he’s not doing anything.
Dad backed off.
He touched the grain of wine: “Forget it, he went to the cities, and the land of his family could not be planted.” I’m sorry.
“You’re a big man now, too. You can give me a hand with your mom and I will be tired for the rest of our lives. I’m sorry.
Dad, I know you worked hard with Mom.
But this year you’re in your 40s.
And I’m still a student.
But I can’t ask them to fight hard. I can only beat myself.
And that’s when I understood.
A girl, how hard it is to climb up.
Because there will be countless hands to pull you down.
Those who should have supported you in encouraging your loved ones will sometimes be the hardest burden.
Good thing you can stay in high school.
On weekends off, I’ll drive to Riverside and meet my sister.
I’m going to have more specialized classes in junior year, I’m going to have to prepare for the four specialized examinations, and I’m going to work more busy than before.
The big city’s hideaway.
My sister’s mid-term exam, and I’ll be able to get to the 100th grade.
That day, she was very depressed.
“Sister, I’m really trying harder than ever. I’m sorry.
16
I touched her head: “You can feel me now.” I’m sorry.
“This is the life of ordinary people. And I am long and strong, and I say, “There is nothing available to you, and we have to work hard and we have to stay on our feet forever, or else we will turn our backs on people.” I’m sorry.
The fall of the sunset fell on her young and young face.
“Autumn and autumn, but that’s what we’re trying to do.” I’m sorry.
“Enjoy this feeling of going up and trying to break its limits. Autumn, I believe you can do it. I’m sorry.
Every time we break through, we hear the sound of tumbling.
That’s our break, and that’s our freshman.
We tried so that one day we could look back and say, without guilt, “I did everything I could, and I didn’t regret it. I’m sorry.
A few things happened that winter.
Flora’s divorced.
The baby was left to the man.
She’s 20 years old and she’s not married on her accountbook.
But she’s been through a hopeless marriage, and the whole people are dying.
The sister’s final exam.
Cousin is still on his way to a blind date.
There’s no room, no car, no steady work.
Finally, two years older than him.
He wants $68,000 for the bride price and three gold.
I don’t dare to fart.
I’m afraid I’ll pick and choose, and my son’s going to hit the bull.
The parties agreed to be engaged at the beginning of the month, for the previous year and to marry at the end of the year.
I hate my aunt and I don’t like cousins.
But I can’t stop him from getting married.
It doesn’t affect me anyway.
But I was naive.
In New Year’s 30, we were together at Big Uncle’s house for dinner.
Two aunts were also called back.
I thought she had changed her sex. Who thought she wanted something.
I ate half the food. Grandma said:
“Dabao will be engaged, and you uncles and aunts will do their part.” I’m sorry.
“The fragrance of the Zheng family can’t be broken in the hands of our people. How else can we face our ancestors in the future?” I’m sorry.
“Danielle, take 5,000 each. I’m sorry.
“Janjun, you’re uncle and you’re gonna have to rely on your nephew’s pot again. You’ll get 20,000! I’m sorry.
17
I’m so open-minded.
“How could my father get paid for his wedding? I’m sorry.
“Shut up, you’ve read in your ass?” I’m sorry.
“I’m talking to your parents. Why are you talking? You’re getting married sooner or later. You don’t talk here. I’m sorry.
Two aunts are in town.
Grandmothers repeatedly forced each other to promise to take the money despite their reluctance.
So the pressure came to Daddy.
“Dabao is half your son, you uncle. I’m sorry.
“You’ll be living in the country when you’re old, and you’ll be sick, and you won’t need a few nephews? I’m sorry.
“Think about it, the daughter will marry.” I’m sorry.
Dad didn’t say yes, and he didn’t say no.
After the end of the night, we went back to our home.
I told Dad not to believe my mother’s bullshit.
No son can support his parents, let alone his nephew.
“What do I care if you’re a son?” I’m sorry.
“If we don’t help, what will happen to Zheng Jia Fu? Your grandfather told me when he was dying. I’m sorry.
Mom murmurs: “Then let’s pay $5,000. I’m sorry.
Dad looked at me and said, “Give me 10,000.” Summer, you didn’t work all the time, you took $5,000! I’m sorry.
That moment, the fury almost burned me through.
“Where do I get 5,000? I don’t have any money. I’m sorry.
“Didn’t you get a good salary?” Wouldn’t you agree to a little support? I’m sorry.
“I have to live on my own, and I have to take care of school fees and maintenance in autumn and autumn. I tried not to cry, “Dad, I’m a student, I’m only 20. I’m sorry.
I want to be like my classmates.
She’s dressed up beautifully and goes out to see a movie and falls in love.
But I have to make money.
My money is exchanged for youth and happiness.
I can give it to my sister, to my parents.
But not a penny to cousin.
I don’t care!
I had a big fight with Dad, and Mom couldn’t stop crying.
I fell down the door into the room and Mom came in.
The incandescent lights were on her white hair, and she was groaning: “It was all my fault, and if I had a son, your father wouldn’t have…”
18
I’m tired.
Again.
And I interrupted her: “Mother, son and daughter are the same, and half your blood is in your body.” I’m sorry.
“A daughter can make a living and give you old age. When are you going to understand? I’m sorry.
This night, my sister came in and whispered, and asked me, “Did I drag you down? I’m sorry.
“None. It’s just that I’m wondering, when will Mom and Dad change their mind? I’m sorry.
“When I graduate college and make money, it’ll change. I’m sorry.
“Will you?”
My sister’s focus is on “Yes.” I’m sorry.
Dad finally took $10,000 out.
Some of them were borrowed.
I’m so angry and sad.
I’m not happy, but I’m not happy. I’m sorry.
She said to me, “Didn’t Summer make money? Your brother’s getting married, you’re not doing anything. I’m sorry.
I’m embarrassed: “I’m all on a loan, and I wonder if you can lend me some money to pay for my school fees when you’re engaged.” I’m sorry.
“No, your brother and your brother are not small.” I’m sorry.
I don’t know what she’s talking about.
I’m being lectured by the village nurse:
“Summer, college can’t be higher than the top. You have no brother. Your cousin is a brother. I’m sorry.
“It’s better to keep it lined, not forget the root. I’m sorry.
Help?
Never.
I’d rather dig this one out and shovel it.
My cousin is very hot.
On the day of the engagement, the mother said that she could have a child as soon as possible.
My cousin directly:
“I’ll have to get a marriage certificate to have a child, or I’ll have to go in with my stomach and be squeezed. I’m sorry.
My face is almost green and I can’t rebut it.
It made me understand.
My parents, maybe I won’t depend on you for the rest of my life.
They don’t believe in me from the bottom of their hearts.
That’s why I have to work harder.
Because my life is on my own.
I wanted to study, so I registered the account number for the South China-China Forum.
The forum was hot.
I’m in there looking for information and asking questions.
Meet Chow.
He’s a doctor from Nan-China.
That’s where the smarts come up, and the Wisdom comes up.
I bought a smart machine, applied for micro-letter, and the first friend was him.
He’s got a clear line of thinking, emotional stability, human kindness.
We’ll talk a lot.
Classic movies, new songs, unsolved confusions, and occasionally talk about philosophy.
Two months later, I was going to deliver tea to the client near his school.
He asked me if I wanted to see you.
19
It was a nice day, and the winds at the end of April blew in the face, and it was hot.
He’s about 173, white and skinny.
I was waiting for you under a giant safrole tree in a plaid shirt, in a spare pants, with a backpack.
The main actors in the novel are handsome men and women.
But in life, there are so many handsome girls.
Ordinary men and women also meet love.
I looked at his plaid shirt and laughed: “It’s true, the stylist’s stylist. I’m sorry.
He seemed a little nervous, scratching his head, “It’s not good.” This is my new one yesterday. I’m sorry.
“Hair is also fresh. I’m sorry.
“I’m fine. I’m wearing old clothes. I should have bought new ones. I’m sorry.
“No, no, it’s beautiful.” I’m sorry.
It’s normal for ordinary people to be in love.
There’s no green tea, no little dog tore.
We eat together, we climb mountains, we crush roads, we watch movies.
In mid-May, we came together to watch “Young Youth We Will Gone.”
At the end of the film, the theater was crying.
I was the only one who was confused and lost: “I am very difficult to share, perhaps because no one loved me, nor did I love anyone.” My youth, is blank. I’m sorry.
Cho wants to turn his head and suddenly hold my hand.
His voice was shaking: “Your youth is not over, let me fill it up.” I’m sorry.
“Will you be my girlfriend? I’m sorry.
His hands are sweaty.
I promised.
And when he left the cinema, he said to me, “You have no idea how afraid I was that you would turn me down.” I’m sorry.
“You’re a doctor from Nanchong. You’re better than me. How can you be afraid of me saying no? I’m sorry.
“No, I think you’re better than me, and I’m afraid you’re not worthy of me. I’m sorry.
I almost cried.
There’s always one person in this world who thinks you’re unique.
Feels like it’s gonna take to get to you.
Chow wanted to find me a full set of South China’s specialty books, calendars, and study the corresponding ones.
I’m a two-year-old and I have to fly first if I want to be ranked so high in schools and professions.
Now think back.
It was young and energetic.
You’re so busy every day, you’re free to fall in love.
By next semester, the time has come.
I have to choose between work and research.
I’m in a teahouse, which actually belongs to a large tea factory.
This company is going to open up overseas markets.
Because I studied English, and I know tea.
The manager meant to wish I could join the team.
And when it is done, it is We who will expand the land.
But there was no time left for me to study.
Zhou wanted to support me in my study: “If you’re working, you won’t have so much time and environment to prepare for this. I’m sorry.
“and loses the advantage of the incumbent.” I’m sorry.
He held my hand in his daisies in the early autumn: “Don’t worry about the cost of living. I can turn you a thousand and fifty a month. I’m sorry.
Says he took out his phone.
I turned him down: “I have a deposit for now, and I’ll find you when I can’t wait. I’m sorry.
Actually, I want to study. There’s something about him.
He’s a Ph.D., and I’m just a regular second student.
And he’s got a nice family.
I thought it was a semester. He said it was a month.
I want to try to close the gap between us.
You’re all smart and hard.
And that’s not how it is.
Smartness is second, and it is even more important to strive, insist and resist temptation.
I’m going to study. Mom and Dad are against it.
“It’s been three years since you and your father were older. I’m sorry.
“You’re not smart, you’re not getting paid, you can’t get paid, you can’t get paid. I’m sorry.
“You go to school, what about your sister’s college tuition and maintenance? I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
But I’m not the 17-year-old girl who’ll have to rely on their noses.
The sister also said that she could lend for tuition.
Mom and Dad had to give in.
The year I was preparing for the study, I almost cut off social life except for Chow and my sister.
I’ll be full of power when I think that the three of us might be able to study in one school.
I’m like a sponge. I suck water.
Waiting one day to stand on the balance of fate.
That day, finally.
It was a very cold winter, and in the morning, the ground was frozen.
But the two days of study were hard to come to, and the sun was warm and warm.
I’ve had good first three exams.
Cho wants to wait outside the exam. We’re going to dinner.
That’s when my phone rings. It’s Mom.
I hesitated for seconds to pick up the sound of her panic:
“Your father drinks at someone else’s house and falls back, and his head is full of blood.
20
And there was a moment when We thought, “I should turn it off.”
Only the last one.
I’ve played well in front.
If I don’t take this call and finish my exam, my life trajectory may be completely different.
But life is not what it is.
Zhou wanted to accompany me to the hospital in haste.
Dad had a stroke.
He saved his life, but his mouth was vague and he walked less than before, let alone making money.
He was lying in bed and he couldn’t look at me.
“Summer summer, it’s all too slippery. I’m sorry.
Mother Que-Ai: When your sister is a senior, don’t let her know, lest she be distracted. I’m sorry.
“Summer, your dad won’t be able to make any money anymore. I’m sorry.
“What about Autumn?”
I keep telling myself I’m cool, but I can’t help it.
“I told you about my exams. Why are you drinking? I’m sorry.
“Why do you never see me in your eyes? I’m sorry.
“Why am I always the one who was sacrificed? I’m sorry.
“Even once you think about me, you value me, don’t you? You know, I’ve been ready for over a year. I’m sorry.
“Do you know how many nights I’ve spent? How many questions have you done? I’m sorry.
“I’m not asking you to give me a hand, at least, at least…”
At least don’t keep holding me back.
At least don’t tell me over and over again: you’ll always be the one who was abandoned.
Mom and Dad are buried in their heads.
I see white hair on top of their heads.
It’s a sad, cold layer.
Maybe that’s my life.
I ran all the way out of the hospital.
Cho wanted to catch up and find me under a bald tree.
“It’s okay, you have me.” I’m sorry.
“You are always the most important here. I’m sorry.
I held him backwards and cried.
That winter, under that dead tree.
It’s as if I’ve cried all over me for over 20 years.
Zhou wanted to hold me and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know before, but it took so much suffering for the summer to become independent and strong. I’m sorry.
I never told him too much about the past.
There’s nothing to celebrate about suffering.
If I can choose, I want to be a little princess.
When I returned to the ward, my mother said, “If you don’t take another exam next year, I can brush the dishes and make $2,000 a month.” I’m sorry.
My sister got the news.
She said to me, “Sister, I can get a scholarship in college or part-time. I’m sorry.
“You concentrate on the battle, I’ll pay for your expenses. I’m sorry.
21
Mom moved her lower lips and stopped talking.
“Forget it, forget it. I’m sorry.
Studying is like war.
It’s all over again.
My breath, it’s out.
Now, it doesn’t matter.
Dad bought rural cooperative medicine.
I remember when everyone was paying over a hundred.
Mom and Dad bought them all at my behest, when I was sarcasm, talking about spending money.
But now it’s working.
The Union is required to pay its own medical expenses before reimbursement.
I didn’t have enough money on me at the time.
During the year, they were reimbursed and their parents didn’t say anything.
When I asked, I said, “It’s almost New Year, and it’s all about money. This is what my father and I meant.”
“At least pay back the money that we thought of. I’m sorry.
My mother said, “He’s your boyfriend and it’s right to pay your father.”
I was so angry with my head, “You know it’s just a boyfriend, 15 thousand, not a hundred and fifty.” Mom, if I take the money, how am I gonna look up in front of him? I’m sorry.
I said, “If you don’t give me this money, I won’t give you a penny in my life!” I’m sorry.
Mom finally took out the money.
And in the night the thin gate cannot stop her low sobbing.
“You won’t make any money. I’ll have to serve you.” Autumn immediately went to college. I didn’t have any money at home. I’m sorry.
“I know she’s not easy, but she’s young and capable and we’re old. I’m sorry.
Dad was silent for a long time, and he said, “I shouldn’t have been drinking, and I broke the summer and summer. I deserve to die.” I’m sorry.
That’s the real parents.
They have lots of slots, many bad things.
But…
They raised you and gave you a little love.
You can’t love them, but you can’t break them.
I read so many books, but none of them taught me how to deal with parents.
The roommates and the classmates know what happened to me.
But I have work to do.
One is a graduation paper, two is a post-secondary examination and three is a job search.
I was supposed to give up my specialty eight and focus on the study.
Today, it has to be picked up.
Zhou tried to persuade me, “No, but relax.” I’m sorry.
He’s worried about my mental problems.
“It’s okay. I smiled, “I can’t stand it, and you liked me because I tried. I’m sorry.
“But I feel sorry for you now, and I hope you’ll relax. I’m sorry.
But I’m so normal.
If you do not work, you may slide down at any time, and you will be in danger.
I believe what he says at this point is true.
But one year later, five years later, 10 years later, would he think so?
After the eighth grade, I started looking for a job.
It is difficult to find a suitable job with a second degree, and to miss the previous job.
22
A lot of students sign jobs, and their wages are around 2,500, and 3,000 are rare.
I wanted to go and contact the former teahouse manager.
He asked me if he wanted to go back.
I can get a tea trainer’s job, 3,200 basic salaries, plus sales.
There’s room for promotion.
I can’t pick and choose.
This year, Dr. Chow graduated.
He signed a large factory with an annual salary of 50+.
That’s…
The power of knowledge.
Knowledge can be effectively translated into money.
I graduated from college, and my sister took the exams.
She took my advice and chose science, a line of 522, her score was 664.
When the score came, Mom cried as a tearman.
“I’ll be able to stand up and be a man again. I’m sorry.
“They have a son. Do you have a daughter? I’m sorry.
Dad’s excited too.
“I have to live and enjoy my daughter’s future. I’m sorry.
In the past few years, cousins have also been married.
Once again, I have emptyed my house.
Neither sister-in-law is the master of the heart.
She’s pregnant again.
I’ll let that go.
The days are so hot.
It’s not like Mom and Dad are upset.
When reporting to school, Mom and Dad repeatedly said they didn’t want their sister to go too far.
Since then, Zhou had taken her to the south-central China to turn around and finally reported for her ace.
After the letter of admission, Mom and Dad set up a bar in the village, made several arches and invited singers to perform.
I hate to tell the world this great joy.
Sisters are better than I was, so they should be happy.
Mother explained, “If you don’t drink, you can’t get it back.” When you marry Cho, you’ll get a drink. I’m sorry.
The money was enough to cover her sister ‘ s tuition and her mother gave her an additional 2,000.
“When you get to school, you have to spend your money, and don’t be despised.” I’m sorry.
“I don’t have enough money to write to my mother. I’m sorry.
I’ll still be lost, but I’m used to it.
And I don’t expect their love anymore.
Because there’s always someone in this world who loves me.
Zhou’s elder brother is the teacher of his sister’s department.
He took us to dinner with his brother and introduced his sister.
Thus, as undergraduate students, she was able to participate in a number of projects and published papers.
This must be of great benefit to her future development.
Cho wants to just get in the job, busy like a dog.
I’m more busy than I used to be.
I’ve read a lot of plays I didn’t catch up with, books I couldn’t read.
For over a month, it was boring.
It’s my birthday.
Cho wants to take me out to dinner and give me a dandu necklace.
“Summer, I think you’re like a dandelion. I’m sorry.
I had a necklace, “Yeah, it’s normal.” I’m sorry.
“No! No! Whether the storm is dry, fertile soil or cliff, it survives. I’m sorry.
“It never dies. “Summer, why don’t you try it again.” I’m sorry.
23
“You’ve got a foundation. It shouldn’t be that hard. I’m sorry.
Jiang Seon has taken a graduate degree in Dreams.
She sent me a message wishing me a happy birthday, saying, “Summer, try again.” I believe you can do it. I’m sorry.
Free and free.
I tried again.
Mom and Dad still don’t agree. They’re just pushing me to get married so I don’t miss a good man like Zhou.
As soon as I got home, my mother would say:
“Marriage a good man is all that matters. A man like Cho, you’re a smoker in his grandmother’s grave. I’m sorry.
“Take it while he’s blind. I’m sorry.
I looked at Foreign Minister Myung’s light on countless days and nights of coffee.
This city is getting more and more prosperous.
It seems to be all-inclusive.
But if people like me don’t do their best.
It will never really fit in.
In December of that year, I went to the exam again.
This time, I’ve got the machine.
No one can stop me from moving forward.
The day of the written test results, it was 12th.
I’ve arranged a blind date for Sanbao, but the girl on the other side doesn’t like it.
I used my cell phone to enter the pass, and I checked my grades.
Total score 439.
I got a total of 150 in my pros, and I’m third.
I’m texting Zhou.
He gave me a voice.
“Summer, I knew you could. “You’re my pride.” I’m sorry.
I’ve been in touch for over a year.
I also explained to him why he did not take the last test.
She asked a few questions and said, “This student contacted me more than a year ago because of the family’s delay and did not expect to see me again this year!” I’m sorry.
The meaning is clear.
She likes me. The others don’t rob me.
The mentors were also the ones who wanted to fight again in the previous week, were highly academic, had many projects and did not squeeze students.
Come on, take me back to his parents.
There’s something you can’t think about.
Why do you have to study?
Zhou is richer than I expected.
He owns a number of major supermarkets and is now in the business of his brother, but Zhou wants to have a share and a share at the end of the year.
His parents were kind of polite to me, but they didn’t like me.
My parents were rushing us to get married, and Zhou was thinking,
“JUNG Ha Ha Ha just went to graduate school. I’m sorry.
The mentors have a lot of projects, and I’ve been busy since the graduate school.
Coach loves tea.
I’ve earned it since I was a tea artist.
I’ve been asked to make him tea, and my monthly allowance has increased considerably.
I’ve been president of the student council, and I’ve written some good papers.
The coach took me to all the meetings, dinner with the bosses.
She’s always showing off, “I’m not just an academic student, she’s a high-level tea artist. I’m sorry.
You have to always perform tea.
That’s when the tea artist was really a tea artist, not about green tea.
“If you go to the teahouse for tea, it’ll cost you a thousand dollars. I’m sorry.
It’s just that there’s an envious sound.
The coach thinks I’m half a daughter, always complimenting me.
“I’m such a good student. Cheap Cho’s the bastard. I’m sorry.
“If you have a gift, be my daughter-in-law.” I’m sorry.
24
Hey.
Her son is a freshman.
Not because she said it.
Actually, that’s what I want with my parents.
Even if I were ordinary, I’d be a treasure in her eyes.
Maybe God has pity on me, so use the coach to make up for my loss.
I met my coach at dinner with Zhou.
She gave me a hard time and secretly bought us a bill.
That’s when his parents changed their attitude towards me.
Into the third grade, start the school entrance.
I’m looking for a job.
The day the coach saw my resume, she was upset.
“You’re looking for a job, why don’t you ask me if you’re gonna hit me like a headless fly? I’m sorry.
She recommended me to a leading domestic heavy-worker company.
Of course, it’s an interview.
My position is that of Senior Business Manager, who is primarily responsible for the translation of guest clients and assists in finalizing cooperation.
Ten people were involved at the end.
There are two more.
I have a master’s degree in 985, and it’s not worth it.
However, during the interview, the official looked so familiar.
He looked at my resume and asked, “Did you work at the Dragon Rains? I’m sorry.
I remember.
He used to take foreign clients to teahouses.
Translations are generally available, and teas cover a number of specialized terms and translations are not familiar.
So sometimes I help.
It’s a free and pure fielding. I’d rather talk.
The interview atmosphere was good.
Soon, I got it.
Consolidated annual salary 30W.
It’s not like Zhou’s natural thinking, but back when I graduated from college, I was looking for a job and I ran into walls.
When the work was finalized, Zhou thought Mom was in a hurry.
“You’re not too young to be married and have children. I’m sorry.
Look, marriage is like that.
Only if you have enough leverage can you be valued and respected.
My sister’s a senior this year.
I was supposed to take a graduate school, and Zhou and I planned it for her.
But suddenly she didn’t want to.
I’ve been asking so many questions before I learned she had a boyfriend, three years older than her.
He’s a college graduate and he’s selling.
Her boyfriend was in a hurry to get married.
My head was blown up.
When I met her boyfriend, I felt like I wasn’t being nice.
“God gave you this smart head. Did you use it for love? I’m sorry.
“You worked so hard to get married as soon as you graduated? I’m sorry.
“Why’d he stop you from taking the graduate school? He’s afraid you’re too poorly educated to be worthy of you! I’m sorry.
“Autumn, he’s not with you all the way. I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
We were all on top.
Autumn is angry.
“You’re a regular undergraduate, your brother-in-law is a doctor, and he doesn’t hate you. I’m sorry.
“Sun’s right, you’re too busy. I’m not a three-year-old. I’m responsible for my life! I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
25
In that moment, the sadness engulfed me.
I’ve been planning for her, hoping she wouldn’t turn around.
And finally, it’s too much.
Autumn also saw himself through, and apologized, “Sorry, sister, he was really nice to me.” I’m sorry.
The netizens say, “Respect, bless.”
But she’s my only sister.
Do I really have to watch her life slide?
My relationship with my sister during that time was so much more than a good one.
Mom and Dad are in a hurry.
There is nothing they can do if I persuade my sister.
This lasted until the end of October.
One autumn and autumn suddenly called me: “Sister, I split up with him. I’m sorry.
We’ve been fighting a lot. Autumn is a little shaken.
The boyfriend then came up with a move.
Put the condom in a hole and try to get her sister pregnant accidentally.
So the wedding board is nailed.
Fortunately, my sister’s not in love.
That night, she held me and cried.
The next morning she asked, “Does I have a test ready? I’m sorry.
“Of course! I’m sorry.
Two years later, when the company moved, I broke into a deputy.
At the request of both parents, Zhou and I had a big wedding.
Family relatives are here.
Grandma gave me face.
The change cost 100,000, and I was complimented in front of a full audience.
I’m so jealous my eyes are falling out.
Ask the waiter if he can pack a lobster.
Dad’s legs and teeth recovered well, and I got red eyes when I got to Chow.
“It’s not easy for summer and summer to grow up. I’m sorry.
When Mom left, she held my hand and cried.
“Daddy and Mom used to be paranoid, and that was the last thing to do. I’m sorry.
Parents’ love can change.
When the kids grow up, it seems they prefer the child who’s a good boy.
Mom and Dad started texting me a lot. It was getting cold and I was getting dressed.
Do a lot of my favorite sauce and stuff my trunk every time I go home.
It’s not as sweet as before.
Mom and Dad also texted me, complaining that I never talked to them and rarely called home.
A lot of kids out there love their families.
Because they grew up in the love of grandparents and parents.
Family, hold that line on them forever.
But I’m not.
I’ve always been given up, always at the bottom, and you haven’t given me much love.
And what is the matter with me that I am in love with you?
The mother-in-law treats me well, and Zhou wants to treat me well.
In this world, I have someone who loves me all.
I grew up and I didn’t need the love of my parents that much.
I see.
They can’t break their relationship and can only reconcile themselves with their young.
They gave me life, gave me a little love.
Then I’ll give them back a little love.
I’m sorry.
After a storm, the old house collapsed.
Good thing I bought 140 flats in my county just to close the house.
It’s a nice house, 500 meters away is a hospital, and across the street is Culture Square.
There are two big supermarkets nearby.
Mom and Dad say it’s easy to live in the country.
Everyone says they’re blessed with two smart and capable daughters.
I’d like my parents to lend my house to my cousin.
She’s been tortured by her grandson for years and she’s old so fast that she doesn’t have the energy to yell at me.
I’m glad I said no this time.
Times have changed, and attitudes have begun to change.
It’s no longer a good thing to show off with more sons.
A lot of sons means a lifetime of hard work.
Actually.
Neither a son nor a daughter is the point.
The point is, love them.
Give the kids enough love to teach them how to do things.
When children grow up, they will give back their love and filial kindness.
But it’s only for those who really have experienced it.
How can we not slip into the mud when we’re born with no ordinary love?
I think.
Only you can value yourself.
It is only through continuous efforts that we will never give up.
Just bite your teeth tight and get through.
Through the storm, even without the rainbow.
And when we look back, we laugh, “I did my best, and I did not fail every youth.” I’m sorry.
Completion – filing number: YXA13xbkQ84s3Nr4dngvRv0
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
