Which relatives do you find disgusting? – What?
My sister had a major illness when she was two, and I was born to heal her.
It’s not me my parents want, it’s my umbilical blood, my blood stem cells.
My sister always liked my stuff. She would get anything if she lay on the floor and said she wasn’t feeling well.
I know her too well, I know all her preferences.
So, to get back at her, I went to camp and found a boyfriend, someone she’d definitely like.
1.
I was in love with my boyfriend for four years, and when I was getting married, I asked my dad if I wanted to see you down there.
My dad came back to me and said, “No need. I’m sorry.
I was glad I didn’t ask him in person, but I had to hang up and face it.
My mom called me at night, told me not to be mad at Dad, he was just too busy.
I went on to ask her, do you want to come up?
She paused first, and then she said, “I’m sure I’ll come up!” I’m sorry.
I asked her when she was free, first she said she was in bad health, Dad was busy at work and nobody was cooking for him.
In the end, I couldn’t watch, and I broke up with her and said, “There’s something going on with me. I’m sorry.
I heard her clearly as if she was relieved.
I felt the irony of that moment.
Put the phone down. I saw a lot of lights outside the window.
Never a light for me.
I remember two years ago when my sister was in love, and my dad went on vacation and went to his city to check on him.
He said that a girl married the wrong person for life was ruined, and he didn’t care.
Later, the boy did not end up with his sister because his father found out that his parents were gambling, and he said to her at that time that there was one bet in the family and that it was hard, let alone two.
Sister didn’t eat and Dad died.
During that time, my father smoked and my mother groaned and was afraid that my sister would hurt her body.
I was in love at that time, and I watched them rush my sister, and I wanted to know my treatment.
I had the courage to say to my mother, “Mom, I’m in love! I’m sorry.
She just looked at me and said, “Oh! It’s good. It’s old. I’m sorry.
And my dad, he didn’t ask.
I just feel like a clown, trying to attract the attention of the audience, but they never love me.
2.
I was born with a mission, and I wouldn’t even be in this world without my sister.
She had haemoglobin at the age of two, and I was born to cure her.
It’s not me they want. It’s my umbilical blood.
So when I was a young child, I was rightly taught: “Sister is ill, take more care of her.”
My sister picks food, and my mom and dad make her all kinds of food.
One time, Dad said, “Swee, if you don’t eat, I’ll eat for the fish.” I’m sorry.
There’s four of them. I know I can’t eat anymore.
I’m really morbid, and I’ll bite.
And Dad slaps me in the face: “Are you born of a pig? Feeding an inundated dog! Don’t you know your sister is in bad health? I’m sorry.
His eyes looked at me like I was not his daughter and his enemy.
A great shame swallowed me.
I cried at the table for the first time.
My sister heard my cry and she was so busy saying, “Don’t cry!” I’m full! I’ll give you the wings! I’m sorry.
The more she said, the more I cried.
Until she unwittingly covered her heart, my reflection stopped crying.
We’ve been quiet all these years since the doctor told us to rest even after we leave.
My mother saw my sister covering her heart and scolded me, “What are you crying about?” Don’t cry! I’m sorry.
I didn’t make any more noise. I was just crying, but nobody was talking to me.
So I went out of the house alone while the three of them were happy, and walked untired.
But I don’t know where to go.
Drinking water from the park when particularly thirsty.
Until it got dark, I found a step down in the park.
I looked at people in the park, and I envied their laughs, even the cries of children.
As they cry when they are consoled with them, they are children’s weapons.
And I’m at home crying and thinking about my sister’s need for a quiet environment.
It’s getting darker, fewer people, and I’m wondering if I should go back.
I had hoped they would come to me at first, I looked home many times, and I even stood at the entrance for a long time until I was finally sure that no one would come to me.
I sat on the steps and I didn’t know what to do.
An aunt came to me to ask directions, and I showed her. She wanted me to take her. I thought I heard the grown-ups say it.
I ran away without her attention.
The diarrhea of the road is sore that the lungs are going to explode. It was hard to get home, but I saw my mom packing chopsticks.
She didn’t even bring her own dishwasher, “You know you’re back, you won’t have dinner today. I’m sorry.
I went to my mouth and swallowed it. We have to find the other dogs.
I feel like my sister’s medicine.
Sister took the medicine, but the package was kept at home for years.
It’s like there’s a piece of garbage growing up in the family that can’t be thrown away and spend money, so they’d be happy if I really got lost today.
My sister’s doing homework in the room and Dad’s not home.
The whole house was so quiet that it was only the sound of Mom washing dishes that she didn’t give me a look except for her first look at me.
My nose is sore, I’m dying of the urge to cry, and I ask that subconsciously.
“Mom, do you hate me? I’m sorry.
She ignored me and kept cleaning the stove.
I finally cried out of control, “Why do I have a sister?” I’m sorry.
“What are you doing?” Why don’t you get in trouble? I’m sorry.
“I’m tired, Zhao Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou Zhou, can you understand something? I’m sorry.
“Be reasonable! Be a good boy.” That’s the most I’ve heard since I was a kid.
She finally picked me up and she comforted me by saying, “My parents are tired, baby! Can you think of something for us? Sister’s not well. Take care of her. I’m sorry.
“If only my sister hadn’t been sick.” I’m sorry.
She groaned: “No way! So let’s take care of her! I’m sorry.
“So I don’t have to be born! The last sentence, light, I don’t know if she heard.
3
When I read, I worked hard, but whenever I came home with my report card, my parents would always see a suture of a needle: “You will have a gift, but you will take care of your sister.” I’m sorry.
If you don’t feel well, you’ll be like a bird.
And I, like, a machine that doesn’t fail.
I remember when I was in the sixth grade of primary school, and I came home in the rain, and at night my head was burning, and I didn’t go out for dinner.
I tried to tell my mom that I’m sick. Take me to a doctor.
My mom just let me sleep.
But I feel worse lying down. Just as I struggled to get up, I heard my mom and my dad talking about me getting lazy.
Must’ve been a disease for not working.
I feel like I’ve been humiliated. I’ve been searching in my room and found the thermometer.
That’s when I found out I had burned to thirty-eight degrees five. I’m looking at the thermometer, I can’t stop crying.
She just looked at the thermometer and she said! Then lie down and rest!
I was standing there, crying.
Eventually, she found me a bunch of pills, and she said, “You’re really here to collect debt, and you won’t be tired of me, either.” I’m sorry.
I swallowed all those pills in her eyes and threw up in the middle of the night, and I remembered the pills that I had taken, and I was afraid of the extreme.
Crying out loud, no one will answer me.
My vomit is all over the ground.
Just when I thought they weren’t coming, my mom finally pushed the door away.
She came straight to me and slapped me in the face, and she said, “Will you go to the bathroom and throw up and die?” I’m sorry.
That slaps me in the eye.
I almost got carried away and just lay on my bed.
I can’t even open my eyes.
My mom seemed scared, and she touched me at the tip of my nostrils, and she finally fought me on my shoulder and called my dad, “Chao!” Look, Zhao fish is in trouble! I’m sorry.
She’s got her shoulder on my back, but I’m afraid she’ll yell at me.
I put me in the car and I couldn’t stop throwing up.
My mom’s face is hard to see.
I held her hand tight: “Mom, please take me to a doctor. I’ll be good to you. I can work. I can do a lot of work. I’ll make money. I’m sorry.
I was really scared. I didn’t want to die.
Then my mother used to say this to me, saying she gave me two lives, gave me life, took me to a doctor once, and if I didn’t get there in time, I’d be a fool, and I’d be married to a fool in the mountains to be his wife, and there would be no college.
4
Sisters often say that she has no dreams and that she can live happily ever after.
She says she envys my impulses, she’s always using her strength, unlike her, like a salty fish, and she’s got mom and dad and me.
But even if I do everything I can to get to where I’m going, all she has to say is that Mom and Dad will get it.
My sister was a year or two after she got sick, so we were in the same class.
As I spent the night doing the backwords, she was hiding in the covers and reading novels.
Mom and Dad hurt her so bad that she hurt her eye, she was given blue-ray glasses and bought an eye massage machine.
And I’m almost 400 degrees in junior high.
My sister saw the novel in the near future, so I scratched my eye massage.
I remember one day I stayed up late to finish the question, brushed the QQ Q Q space, and I saw her say, “I am a salt fish without dreams, live!” Happy is all that matters!
Here’s a comment: “But I think girls like you are very nice, unlike some with smart eyes. I’m sorry.
The girl who commented on her was the one who died in my class against the clock, and she always threw me at the top of everything and couldn’t learn from my sister.
Life! Happy is all that matters. Who doesn’t want to be happy? The world is naturally unfair, and some are born to suffer.
Eventually, I took my best high school, and my sister, through my parents, paid for it and I went to the same high school.
I don’t know how to describe that feeling as if all my efforts were a joke.
And she didn’t have to do anything. She just stood there and won.
For a while sister liked a boy.
He plays basketball, laughs like a young gnome, and she likes him a lot, and my sister is just one of them.
I remember she folded him all night, gave him a scarf at the beginning of winter, even for the boy. But the boy never talked to her.
She went crazy and came home like a walker.
Mom and Dad are so worried. Ask me what happened.
I don’t know if to hide for sister. Because my mom told me when I was in high school that if you’re in love, don’t go to work.
I can’t help but wonder what would happen to my sister because of a boy.
As I hesitated, my sister suddenly came out and cried with her mother: “Mom, he didn’t like me, he didn’t like me. I’m sorry.
My mom was standing there, and she was hugging her back, and she gently hit her back. I don’t like us because he doesn’t have eyes. I’m sorry.
And my father said, “What can I say? You’re a little girl now, and when you grow up and see more people, you don’t feel better.” I’m sorry.
I looked at the three of them and felt like I was dreaming, and my parents could have been so gentle.
When Koichi first went to school, a boy helped me carry my luggage, and my mom looked back and slapped me in front of everyone.
She yelled at me, but she just got to school.
I was standing between a group of students and parents, as if I had been stripped and thrown into the sun.
She didn’t even let me cry.
She said I don’t want to get yelled at.
And then I had a couple of times with her about it, and she always said she had little education, no culture, and she asked me why I had to go with her.
More?
I finally realized that it had nothing to do with reading, culture, people, just that I don’t deserve her to control her emotions. I’m just something that they’re venting. Who cares about pain or happiness?
It’s strange that it’s your sister who’s not in love.
I cried suddenly, not to suffer, not to be scolded, nor to be beaten.
It’s just that there’s no way to compare it, and the big difference drags me into the abyss.
5
Fearing that she would not go to college, they sent her to draw when she advanced.
Because my sister went this way, high school hours and painting fees made my economy nervous.
So that Mom would do a little part-time work after work, like helping out at a nearby hotpot.
She also went to the field training and every time she came back to bring back a whole bunch of clothes, her mother always washed her up, dried her up and then put her in a closet or suitcase.
The washing machine happened to be broken that winter, and they were late in buying a new one.
So every weekend I had a hard time resting for half a day to wash my family’s clothes, and that winter I had a lot of frozen acne.
I also gave them feedback. I’m a sophomore. I’m very nervous.
The winter clothes are particularly difficult to wash, and every time I squeeze the water out of my coat, I’m going to use all my strength.
All my memories of that winter are that I can’t dry my hairy clothes, cold running water, wet washrooms and grey skies.
Fifteen-year-old winter, my greatest wish, is a washing machine.
Is a washing machine that expensive? I even tried to get the money from the washing machine from the cost of living, the cheapest, within 500.
After countless hungers, I saved it. But when I handed over one and another of the saved money to my mother, she thought, “Doesn’t it cost me too much?” And I had the rest.
I’ll take the $500 as the back pocket.
The washing machine is still not available.
I thought about it a million times, maybe not 500 washing machines.
It’s not right for me to use a washing machine, as long as it’s spent on me, even a fraction is wasted.
The sister then took a cold break and, in order to take care of her, her mother bought a new washing machine.
I can finally use the washing machine without half the joy.
I don’t even have the strength to question, because I can think of the answer.
They never thought I was their kid and my sister. I was just an extra person.
People’s hearts are born to be partial. Love is an instinct.
They gave all their instincts to my sister and no more left over to me.
My sister is the one who is loved by fate, and I am the one who is expelled from it.
My sister had some talent on the drawings, and after late mom and dad had dropped a lot of money on her to give her one-on-one lessons, she went to a famous art college in our province.
And I can barely learn to wear the moon. 211.
At the school party, Mom and Dad pulled her around and I stomped in the corner and ate.
I don’t know who’s been talking about it and asking my parents, “Your family is doing well!” I’m sorry.
My dad just took a sip of a pipe: “For two kids, it’s stressful!” I’m sorry.
So, understanding me, I applied for a student loan.
I’ve earned as much as a chicken blood in the whole university, and I’m financially independent in second grade, and I haven’t asked them for a penny.
I thought that I could get some attention and only get more differential treatment.
Since I haven’t even asked for my tuition, I’ll get paid for the broken stove, and the broken air conditioner will make me pick a new one online.
Mom and Dad’s phone is for me too.
And my own cell phone doesn’t even look like a screen.
Some day after New Year’s, my sister told me how your phone was used like this, and I knew I wouldn’t trade that for second hand.
I knew she changed two apples this year.
Her circle of friends is full of eating and drinking.
The only thing she’s ever had since she was a kid is to be happy.
It all seems like a joke.
I asked my mom you had money to buy two apples for your sister.
“Did I ask you to buy it? Zhao Fish, what’s wrong with you?” So that you don’t buy me any more, and don’t give me any more money.
I didn’t have time to say anything, and she said a lot of things.
My hands are shaking.
I don’t know why I can’t control myself.
I even had to cry because I knew that my tears were useless and that they would only feel bad when I cried.
My sister came to me at night and she told me not to talk to my mother.
My mother was just a soft-mouthed girl who was too strong and said she was not so strong.
I looked at her and said that she was still a child even after college. I just want to lie flat.
Everyone thinks she’s cute.
My mom’s soft, huh! The mouth hardened me, the heart softened her.
I’m tired and I don’t want to deal with her. I’m just saying, “Get out of here. I want to rest! I’m sorry.
I didn’t know she was hugging me like, “I’m a salty fish, but my sister is not, and I’ll hold my sister’s thigh.” I’ll be financially independent in second grade. My sister’s a real cow! I’m sorry.
After graduation, I was interviewed at various companies, and in order to save money and squeeze through the city’s numerous buses, I was on the last bus back to school late in the night, and I saw her send a circle of friends to Qinghai, a picture of the plane in the clouds.
I know she ran away to Qinghai for an interview with a state company, which was said to be easier to face.
For her graduation, Mom and Dad have supported about 20,000.
I leaned to the window, and the night car flashes slammed in the night and probably shook my eyes.
My tears don’t fall by themselves.
Poor thing? Like a dog.
I have seen a saying once that love is the greatest poverty in the world.
I think I’m really the poorest person in the world.
He came to me like this until he appeared.
6.
I thought I wouldn’t fall in love in college, after all I had nothing.
But who can refuse a heart with passion? He cares for me so much, he makes me happy.
As I hesitated, 99 steps towards me.
And the umbrellas which were raised for me when it rained, and every morning breakfast, and We were mocked at because of the constraints, and he was the one who stood in front of me in dispute with others, and he was in my life full of holes.
When we were really together, on the night of the second year, I was in a rental room in the city village with a fever.
I looked out the window and I realized it was 30 years old.
I didn’t choose to go home again to earn three times my salary.
Part-time work happened to rain, so I went home in the rain and I just changed my clothes and fell asleep in bed.
When I wake up, I’m sweaty and I can’t even move.
I accidentally smelled a stench, and I got cold inside and realized it might be a gas leak.
I struggled to get up, but I didn’t have the strength.
I keep trying to get up, but the smell is getting stronger and I feel more and more hard to breathe.
For a moment I wanted to not be like this, but I was renting the house.
What if I really die here?
So I struggled and fell under the bed.
I’m still here today, and cold floors make my stomach more painful.
But this pain is sobering me up, sweating more and I even feel my back wet.
Reach out to the phone, think carefully who I can contact, and subconsciously try to contact the cheek.
But the phone turned off just now.
The great despair has surrounded me and I have to start crying.
It’s not like it’s the fear of death. It’s just that I don’t know what I’ve lived for my whole life.
But am I really gonna die here? The fireworks out there light up the sky and laughs everywhere.
I was wondering if anyone would find out I actually died here on a 30-year-old night.
Will it scare you to see me when the landlord comes back? I can accept leaving the world, but I don’t want to leave like this.
My eyes are getting blurred.
I thought I heard someone call me “Zhao Fish!”
“Don’t fall asleep!”
But I’m really tired. I sound like I’m a pig.
I must be hallucinating.
I have nothing to say, and I want to say, “Thank you. I’m sorry.
Thank you for enjoying me like this, like I’m not very popular.
Although I don’t know what you like about me.
But being liked, being cared for is really a good thing.
I’m just a little sorry. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have done that to you…
Zhao Fish, you idiot!
“Doesn’t it bother you to just leave?” Don’t you want a good life? I’m sorry.
Zhao Fish, will you live? Please! I’m sorry.
Zhao Fish, live! What the fuck are you doing? I’m sorry.
“I beg you! Zhao Fish, I like you, like I can’t help myself. I’m sorry.
“You say love is an instinct, and now I tell you, my instinct is you. I hope you’re all right, even if you’re not with me. I’m sorry.
I was confused to hear the sound of an ambulance, and there was something wet in my eyes.
I’ve had many, many dreams, many bad things of the past, and I don’t know what to do.
I saw them coming at me.
They say you’re a big, lazy, disgusting person.
They say you’re a real pain in the ass why we all hate you so much.
Why do you want to live with your skin?
Those eyes are disgusting.
Those words, “Can you understand something?” Why do you always get in trouble? Are you bored?
I can’t help crying.
Until I heard the sarcasm, he shouted, “You’re fine! I like you! I care about you. I’m sorry.
I looked at the people in my dream and looked at them.
“You don’t like me. Shouldn’t I live if you hate me? I’m sorry.
“I want a good life!”
“Doesn’t I deserve a good life?” I’m sorry.
Open your eyes and lie next to me.
His eyes were red and his face was covered.
“Are you hungry? He laughed at me.
I tried so hard to hold my tears, but I couldn’t control them.
At the beginning of the second year, they were reunited.
I found half my life at the door of a ghost, and my face covered me with tears, “I’m here!”
I couldn’t help it anymore.
And I held his waist, and said, “I will live a good life, and I will not remain so.” I’m sorry.
He gently pats me in the back, “Okay! I’ll make you a good life, I’m here. And me!”
“You don’t like me anymore. You have to tell me sooner. I appreciate your liking my life. “I’ve seen some couples come together, and I don’t want to be completely drowned.
He’s just rubbing me in tears. I’m sorry.
7.
I’m with Yan, he’s not like me.
He has his own hobby and love, he likes a model, a machine costs 12,000, and he often goes to various competitions.
He was glowing in the crowd, and he once won in a league, leading his team in a model in the night sky and confessing to me.
I was overwhelmed with time by the presence of a man who rotted in the corner and of a man who was in the light, and his light slowly shined on me, except that the light became brighter, and the more my incomprehensibleness was revealed.
Our life history is completely different. How am I supposed to pay for every gift he gives me? How can I not take advantage of him?
For him, the usual thing is to exhaust all my strength.
We’re always arguing about it, and he thinks it’s a small thing, and I think it’s too much.
He said that I always had to figure out every point with him and that we were too distant.
I don’t know what to say. Am I going to say that I want to stand at the same height as you?
That’s ridiculous. There’s a road to Rome, and he’s in Rome.
And I just walk every step of the way with people dragging me.
I’m thinking about it. We just accidentally broke into each other’s world, and it’s time to get back in place.
He offered to apologize to me just as I was about to give up.
He sat down patiently and talked to me, and he was very careful about what might be taboo to me.
He apologized to me and told me how we’d get along.
For the first time in my life, someone made a close relationship with me.
He tried to think from my point of view, and I found out that he had actually reduced his fun and started saving money, and he said that it was all for our marriage, and I refused.
And he said, “Squid fish, I don’t think you have to worry about it, even if we’re fighting over it, I’m relieved that if one day we don’t get to go together, I think we’ll be fair, too. I’m sorry.
Being with him is the most stable time for me.
With him, the problem is to solve it.
I started talking to him about my old days.
He cried too hard before him, and he held me tight.
“This is not your fault, you are hurt, but now I have the power to prevent them from hurting you.” I’m sorry.
“I’m hurt? I’m sorry.
For the first time I heard such a speech, I heard most of it: “They are your family, and there is no choice.” I’m sorry.
When I try to reflect my true feelings, I hear them.
“You think you’re tired? Every time you go home, everybody’s upset. I’m sorry.
After that, I came home less and less.
Even after New Year’s Eve, my mom called and said, “You’re not coming back this year, right? You want an internship? It’s important to work. I’m sorry.
I can’t describe how I felt when I got that call.
See? Not only do I feel pain, they don’t want to see me, but if you don’t like me so much, why did you have me?
What am I here for? A drug produced to my sister.
The medicine sister has already taken it, so I can throw it away.
I sat by the lake the other day and wanted to jump.
What holds me up.
Can’t you love yourself without love?
Can I make it?
Shouldn’t I be better?
Don’t I deserve a good life?
8.
And my sister, Zhao Xue, still understood that, and she called me and said, “The fish, Mama says you won’t be back for New Year.” You’re really amazing. You’re the woman I can’t be. I’m counting on you! I’m sorry.
I can feel her joy on the phone, and I’m silent, listening to her.
She said she wanted to find an optimist, a cook, a job, but not a workaholic or a life-loving boyfriend.
She said one word at a time.
I looked up and saw the paint that was making me soup.
I’m confused.
As I became more and more in love with Yan, he began to reach out to my family, and he even prevented me from seeing them alone for my psychological safety.
But he’s good at doing things, and he always keeps the right distance and keeps my emotions in a stable state.
Until I saw Zhao Xue send it to him.
“Well, she deserves it.” I’m sorry.
Zhao Xue: Yes! Unlike me, I’m a salty fish. I’m sorry.
“Hmm.”
Zhao Xue: ♪ Is that how you treat your aunt?
I looked at my cell phone.
Zhao Xue seems very fond of my stuff, and my parents didn’t seem so crazy when I was little.
Since when? A year ago she bought me a little red thong, and Zhao looked at the toys she wanted so she could wait.
And then you get down on the ground and say your heart’s sick and your stomach hurts?
She’s in a lot of pain, either here or there.
She has always taken the position of a weak person and moved on to what she wanted.
I had a natural difference with her, because she was sick, because she was the baby that Mom and Dad had pulled back from life and death on countless occasions, and she rightly enjoyed all the attention and care.
You see, she took advantage of it, and everyone finally felt sorry for her.
I’ve been waiting for my parents and my family to look back or I’ll wait until they say sorry or sorry.
Countless nights when I was blinded by the tears of my children, I so desperately hoped that I could be taken into account, but I was accused of being the one who had been giving and suffering.
Zhao Xue is not satisfied, she will never be satisfied.
It was a peaceful afternoon when we really erupted a violent conflict.
I was walking with Yan, and Zhao Xue suddenly came to me.
She said she bought a small apartment and asked me to fix it for her staff.
I asked her where did you get the money?
She seemed a little angry, and then she smiled, and she said, “I borrowed it from my parents. I’ll pay back when I have the money.” I’m sorry.
“But you haven’t worked in almost a year? _
That’s all I’m saying. She’s gonna cry. It’s the same as before.
The apartment was bought. I didn’t know until then.
It was the home of three of them, and she was crouching on the ground and crying with her head.
My boyfriend was over there, she looked up at him, with red eyes, like a little white rabbit.
I don’t care about anybody, walk around and call my mom.
I remember giving it to my family for 2,000 a month just after the internship. My mom and they always say they’re gonna take care of you. What good do I have for you?
I gave it to him for three years, and Zhao Xue was at home for a year and a half.
She’s been in town for over 10,000 years. She’s been there for six months.
My dad called her for $5,000 or borrowed it from me, and he hasn’t paid me back yet.
Later, my dad asked for a car, asked me to borrow $85,000, and said I’d get it back.
I feel like I’m always breathing. Since you think I owe you, I’ll give it back.
I got a national-level scholarship in my second year of college, and I never reached out to my family again with all kinds of part-time jobs.
I’m running between every part-time place and school, and Zhao Xue is planning to go on weekends.
When the phone came through, she only listened to my mom’s impatience and said, “What’s wrong? I’m sorry.
She used to say that Zhao Xue was her sweet little tampons and called her several times a week, each time for more than half an hour.
And I’m a poor white-eyed wolf, and I only contact her a few times a year, not a minute at a time.
She’s always been impatient to hang up.
I took a deep breath and said, “It’s nothing. I want to buy a car. Mother, give me back the money I borrowed from you, if you can. I’m sorry.
“What kind of car did a girl buy? Didn’t you find a boyfriend?”
Zhao Xue just graduated and you bought her a car. I’m sorry.
“Your sister is in bad health, no one takes care of her, and you’re jealous of buying a car. I’m sorry.
“Then who are you?” Did I let you have me? Is it because I was born? “I can’t help it at last, crying through the phone.
“Well, now you can make two. You’re amazing. Don’t spend it on me anymore. I’ll never get through it. I’m sorry.
I listen calmly, but I’ve shed tears.
She doesn’t know I’m on.
The phone has been hung up, and I didn’t finally ask for my money, so I didn’t want to fight, but to be favoured with nothing.
I feel like I’m in a swamp, struggling, falling fast.
Soon after, my dad called, and that’s the same thing about your mother.
He always thought I was ignorant and never thought I was understanding them.
They won’t think I’m good, even if they dry me up.
There’s nothing worse.
I quickly ended up with a bench.
Yen found me, and I was so numb that I watched people on the street.
He sat by me in silence, with me in peace. “This is my life, very tired. Are you sure you want to join?” I’m sorry.
He reached out with his hand and rubbed my tears. And me, give it to me.
I’m on his shoulder. I’m out of strength.
When you look up, it’s Zhao Xue.
For the first time, I saw this jealousy in her eyes, which I should have seen before.
I’ll get even tighter.
I know Zhao Xue too well, I know all her preferences, and I know all the people who are left behind.
Yank is the person she totally likes.
Her 18-year-old favorite person never looked at her and even moved directly to get rid of her. She did everything in her power to please the boy, but only to make him sick.
And now that he looks like a seven-point pig, better than that boy, how could she not be moved?
I read “A” soon enough to know the presence of a pig. He likes to play basketball like a model. I know what kind of girl he likes.
I approached him step by step, and he thought I was harmless, and I needed his help.
But he doesn’t know. I’m familiar with his way.
I walked by him in the rain without an umbrella, and I held him in my arms, and even looked back at his movements.
I often appear in his life, and he plays basketball, and I work part-time at the convenience store next door, and I’m the one who deliberately provokes a tough guy to save his hero.
All the encounters were intentional. I knew him before he knew him.
I don’t like breakfast, I’m not sick at all, I think about a soft rabbit in front of him.
His compassion and care gave me, and I slowly took over all his life.
I’ve shown him my many times.
New year’s failure to come home was an accident.
I knew he was shaking with my hand.
I suddenly felt it was good to know him, and his tears were pouring into my face, and I tasted his tears, and they were salty.
A boy who cried for me and couldn’t tell the feeling.
I also heard him say his oath in my ear, saying that as long as I wake up, I will do anything.
He kept apologizing to me and he said, “Sorry, he didn’t take care of me! I’m sorry.
This fool! I don’t need to be looked after.
At that time, I had the urge not to let him see Snow Zhao.
But jealousy and hatred had already swallowed me up.
Of course, not only did I let him see my mess, a man who had been hiding in the corner, but suddenly the light was the most attractive.
I went to him in a white dress and he looked at me and I knew I had won.
I sat in the middle of my dress and he sang “An angel’s wings”. I even saw tears in his eyebrow when I sang to the love.
He really cares for me, it’s weird, it’s all in my plan.
But why would that tear cause my heart to tremble?
He’s a very stupid man. I played dumb.
But when I really saw that one under my skin with all my heart, I just wanted to escape.
It’s not that I’m really trying to deal with him, it’s just to keep me up.
I was ready to watch him get angry when he bowed.
He was really trying to get along with me, and I actually wanted to let him go.
But in the end, I’m not a good person. I’m a dark one.
I took him to Zhao Xue, and I kept trying the bottom line of Zhao Xue, and I let her collapse a little bit in that last shame.
And now it’s a last shot.
I kissed myself in front of her, and he kissed me again with some surprise. He held me tight, and I even felt my hands shaking on my waist.
Zhao Xue is still standing not far away.
And then I got a ring in my friend’s ring.
That’s actually my map. I’m just exaggerating.
The next day I went back to school with Yang-ho, and we went for a walk by the lake of the school, and there were stars in the neighborhood, and I especially liked it, and I came with Yang-ho.
The twilight of roses, the sky is dyed. The lake is full of light, the branches of the Willows are blown up in the air, and they are opened in the stars, and they are particularly fantastic in the chords of light and dusk. There’s a group of students working on skateboards not far away.
Suddenly a small model aircraft stopped in front of me in front of a ring box.
Suddenly the BGM was replaced by an angel’s wings.
He came to me with a big red rose, and he said he would be with me if he wanted to know me earlier.
When the garden of the school was full of stars, a boy in the garden said, “You promised me you’d grow it for three years.” I’m sorry.
Most of this is for horticulture students, and I don’t know when we started growing stars. I always thought it was a coincidence, and I remembered that I’d spit on my face before, and I didn’t like the many flowers I grew in school.
And then I didn’t think it would be long before I actually planted a large swarm of stars.
Stand in front of the flowers, and see.
I saw his throat rolling a few times, and that’s what happens when he’s nervous.
His fist squeezed, and he took a deep breath and walked towards me.
He asked me, “Did you think I bought something better?” I’m sorry.
I saw his ears red as soon as the voice fell.
I didn’t have time to return him, and he went on to say, “Do you want to give me a chance to take care of you?” I’m sorry.
I looked into his bright eyes and felt sick in a moment.
He doesn’t owe me.
I don’t know what to say, what to do.
Look at his red ear, and his subconscious rubbed his hand in his ear, “What’s the matter? I’m sorry.
“No, no, no! Then you?” He used to stammer and ask again.
I didn’t say anything. The atmosphere became extremely awkward.
And he said, “It’s okay, fisherman, are you not ready? It’s me. I’m in a hurry. I’m sorry.
He’s always good at giving me reasons, just like I used to give my parents so many reasons.
We didn’t talk about it any more.
I looked at my busy body and I didn’t know what to do next.
9
I received Zhao Xue soon.
That park was the one I almost lost.
We found a teahouse and she said, “I used to look at you in the window, and I followed you that day, and I told my mom that I was coming out to see you, and you came back soon. I’m sorry.
“I was really worried about you almost being kidnapped.”
She’s been saying a lot from time to time, and all of that was careless and unintentional.
There’s never been any unprovoked love, children who cry and laugh have sugar.
I drank my tea in silence, and I didn’t know what I wanted, and I tried it again and again, even though I knew my place in this house.
“Sorry!” Zhao Xue suddenly grabbed my handway.
“I feel like I’ve been dragging Mom and Dad, and I’m afraid they won’t want me. You’ve never caused trouble, you’ve been sick and you’ve been tough. Mom and Dad always say you’re great! Not like I always worry about them. She said her eyes were suddenly red enough to end up crying.
“Know? “I can’t hear that word anymore. I’m afraid to hear others describe me like that.
Because when someone says that, it means you’re being ignored, you’re going to pay more, you’re going to suffer more, and I can only understand things.
She saw me not talking, and suddenly she said, “You do not know that my parents have always been proud of you. Every time I talk to someone, I compliment you. I’m sorry.
“What do you want me to say?”
# Quail, #
“Do I know anything? What have I brought them? I’m the least of them. You want a compliment like that? You think money’s gonna fall out of the sky, just lie still? I’m sorry.
I asked her one word at a time.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Fish, I understand you’re being ignored, I understand your suffering. I’m sorry.
“So I’ll give you Mom and Dad, and I’ll never fight you again, okay? I’m sorry.
“Give it to me? How? I looked at her.
And she put her hands on her thigh, and her hands were all bruised up, and she seemed to be very determined, “Will you give me the face?” I’ll go with him to his hometown, and your parents will be yours! I’m sorry, but I really like him. I just can’t help myself. Sorry!”
“And you’ve always wanted to get your parents’ attention. They’ll notice you when I’m far away. I’m sorry.
I’m laughing.
“Was it for me? They’ve been drained by you, and now they have no money, so they throw it at me? Take my boyfriend by the way. I’m sorry.
I drank a little tea and said,
“It’s not like that. Why do you think of me like that? Aren’t we sister-in-law? Fish?
I don’t talk, I just smile at her.
“You don’t want your parents right now! I’ll give them their old age. You don’t have to pay for anything. You don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry.
She rubbed her tears and told me solemnly.
I still didn’t talk, she reached out, she grabbed me with her hands and prayed with my eyes: “I know that you brought him to me on purpose, and I didn’t want to like him, but I can’t help it. You didn’t really like a man. You’ve always been so sane, how could you lose control. I know you want to see my bottom line lost, you want to see me fall a little bit, you want to see what my parents would do to me, don’t you? I’m sorry.
I don’t care about her. I can’t wait.
“Can I have one last time?” I’ll give you the apartment.
I’m sorry.
I never spoke.
She suddenly got angry: “You won! You won! You didn’t like him much!” Would you bring him to me on purpose? I’m sorry.
I don’t like him very much. Can people really make machines? Not at all?
I ran away.
Zhao Xue’s cry in his ear: Zhao Fish, you will not be moved, right? Zhao Fish, you don’t like him, you don’t like him. Now you’ve got your revenge on me, you’ve got your results. I’m sorry.
I was lying in bed, I couldn’t sleep, I had recorded Zhao Xue’s words during the day, and I was even trying not to cut them for me.
But now I have no interest in this tape, and my attention has suddenly turned to what you’ll do.
And then I convinced myself, it’s okay! It’s okay! It’s okay to leave anyone alive.
I thought I was holding the tape, trying to send it to my family, where I stopped for a long time and finally didn’t press the sending button.
I looked up at the ceiling. What the hell am I doing? What’s the need?
I didn’t think that when I hesitated.
My parents suddenly found me.
It turns out Zhao can’t go home without saying it, but my parents don’t believe that I’m going to be so crazy to do this.
My mother was only careful to say, “Your sister is in bad health. Don’t judge her, or wed at them alone.” I’m sorry.
I’ve adjusted the seat, and I’m going to stand back straight, and I’m going to say, “I’m the one who’s really saying it, and I’m just trying to see what you’re gonna do.” I’m sorry.
My mom seemed scared, and the tea cups were knocked over.
“What are you drawing? I’m sorry.
It’s fun!
Zhao Fish!
“What’s wrong? You gonna hit me? Why would you hit me? I’m standing up too.
“I am your father! My dad’s got a red neck.
Whose parents are you? Are you mine? “I sat down and scorned.”
Fish! No, it’s not what you think. You know, your sister’s not well, so we’re paying more attention to her. “My mother is crying like hell.
And I went on to say, “Stop pretending, let me guess what you want.” You’re crying to beg me to let your eldest daughter have my boyfriend. You’re begging me to give you blood to your daughter. I’m sorry.
Zhao Fish! “My dad can’t help it anymore, he slapped me in the face.
I’ve had a lot of slaps like that when I was a kid, and I always remember how it tastes.
“We’re your parents. Are you crazy? “My dad was shaking my hand after the first time.
“Ooh! Yes! You’re my parents, because you gave birth to me, so you can bully me with this. I’m sorry.
I took a fruit knife from the table and passed it to my father, yelling, “Kill me! Let my blood come out! It won’t take more than a day of torture anyway, so I’ll give it back to you. I’m sorry.
I’ve got blades in my hands and I’ve been bleeding all over the place.
“Leave the fish! You’re killing me! “My mom keeps pulling me, I can’t push her away.
My father sent a knife, paralyzing on the floor.
The first time I saw him wept, his eyes were red, and his tears fell from his eyes.
“You hate us so much, you hate yourself and your sister. I’m sorry.
I’m still holding the blade in my hands, like I can’t feel the pain.
My mother was already on her knees, and she tried to separate my blade’s hand. Let go! Does it hurt? Does it hurt? I’m sorry.
I couldn’t even say a word and stare at them.
My father seemed to find something, and he got up and pulled my mother, and said, “Let’s go out, let’s go out, you put your knife down, it’s our fault. We’re sorry. Don’t hurt yourself. Please! I despise you!”
He took my mother step by step, and I kept staring at them.
Until they withdrew from the door, I heard my mother cry out loud.
“How can this be? Jesus Christ, I did something wrong. I’m sorry.
I’m still holding the knife, sitting on the floor, watching the blood flow.
I’m crazy! I must be crazy! I’m crazy!
For some time now, my parents were sitting outside the door.
I look like I’m holding a blade.
He walked in my direction and I yelled, “Don’t come near me! I’m sorry.
“Yes! I’m not coming! Good fish! Put the knife down. I saw him anxious, and he didn’t owe me, and I let go.
I tried so hard to control myself, and I tried to speak to him in peace, saying, “Do you know now that I am sorry to you?” I’m sorry.
And before I finished, he came and grabbed me.
Powerful enough to crush me, I didn’t cry in front of my parents, but I couldn’t stop crying in front of him.
I do love him. I really like him.
But the more I get from the primary school, the more I get.
And We pushed him away, as hard as possible, from his eyes, and said: Thou shalt not be too moral: for a man like me, the sky falls, and he will live; he was worse than a dog, and I have lived until now. I’m sorry that I’m disturbing your wonderful life, but it’s not too late for you to come back and I’ll never bother you again. I’m sorry.
He didn’t speak for a while, and I felt like I was on my back.
As I was planning to go.
Zhao Fish! Doesn’t it hurt? Does it hurt? I’m sorry.
I heard him say, “I am more overwhelmed, but my nose is sore.”
He pulls me in one hand, pulls me in one hand to get the medical kit.
My mom wanted to say something. My dad just pulled her out.
It was quiet in the house, and it was so quiet that I was drugged and wrapped.
He’s a little heavy, I’m calm now, I feel pain, I suck air.
“Do you know the pain?” He said in a cool way.
I was silent, and he went on to say, “Why don’t you say something? I’m sorry.
I tried to bring my hand back, but he was dragged to death: Zhao Fish! I don’t matter to you? * As soon as he spoke, my tears came out. *
He looked at me and groaned, “I’ve really been eaten to death. * And he said, * And he gave me a clumsy tear.*
“Imbecile! I’m better than them. You’ll have me later! I’m a couple of them. He said, “No more, Zhao Fish! Don’t give up on me.” I’m sorry.
I’ve been insomnia, and for the first time I’ve been insomnia, and I wake up in the morning with a hand around my waist, and I’ve had eyes on him.
His face is a bit cold, and it’s quite different from his usual gentle sun.
I didn’t know what to do and he got up and went out.
I doubt I should have been hallucinating yesterday. I think I’m breaking up this time.
It’s what I deserve. I’m in it. I can’t stop crying.
I don’t know how long it took to get the covers pulled away.
Zhao Fish! Are you trying to suffocate yourself and avoid me? * One hand with milk and eggs and one hand with my blanket *
Then he put the food on a small cupboard next to his bed, and pulled me in his arms, and I could no longer hold it in my arms, and wept in his arms.
And he patted me on the back, and groaned: “You know that you are good to me.” You made a mistake, and I have to make a fool of you. I’m sorry.
Since that morning, my life and that of Yang-chun returned to normal.
He goes to all kinds of competitions, and I work day after day.
My mom used to call me. She always texted me a lot.
I remember when a friend of mine told me that there should be more communication between parents and children, and that if you really don’t know how to talk, you can write.
It was naive, and I really wrote a long letter to my mother, and she didn’t even read it, and she asked me if I was free to do more work.
And now she gives it to me.
All I’m saying is, “What does it matter to me?” I’m sorry.
Fish! Do you have to do this? My mother has a voice, she has a voice.
He got a call from my father at night and said, “Do you hate us enough to hate your parents? What do you want us to do? I’m sorry.
“What do you want me to do? The phone is a long silence.
10,
It’s been a long time since my parents contacted me.
Zhao Xue, who had not seen me for a long time, appeared before me until the occasional lunch break, and she was in a professional suit and for the first time appeared to be very able.
Listen to the receptionist. She’s been waiting for me.
I couldn’t hide, so I saw her.
The first thing she said was: Zhao Fish, you haven’t been home for a long time. I’m sorry.
I laughed: “I was only once a year.” I’m sorry.
“That’s what we thought you were doing! I didn’t think that, and I didn’t think that she would be able to take a breath.
“I didn’t think of what?” I was funny to ask.
“I didn’t know you didn’t want to see us. Oh, no! I’ve thought about it, just never wanted to admit it. She said she had red eyes.
“How could we be a family? We’re a family.” Her tears are falling.
And I said, “Who is a family with you” but to the throat it did not fall, and said, “Go back!” It’s not funny. I’m sorry.
She begged, “Cho Fish, I’m sorry. Mom and Dad are too old to be able to live well.” Mom’s old enough to think about you all the time. I’ll give them old age. I’m the one who’ll enjoy it. I don’t need you to support them. They miss you. We’re in the same blood! I’m sorry.
“I’ve never thought about it. Will I think about it now? I held a cup of tea and laughed at her.
“How do you know they don’t want you, and every time they go out, they say you’re good everywhere, and you don’t see me a few times a year. She tried to convince me to keep going.
“I have something else you can go. I got up and left.
And then Zhao Xue didn’t show up, except my mother asked for my address, and she said I moved, I didn’t know my new address, I didn’t know where to send anything.
“Why didn’t you ever want to send it to me? I really don’t feel like it. I’ll take my responsibilities, I’ll raise you in accordance with the law, and you don’t have to think about it. She just typed it and her phone came.
Zhao Fish, do you have to stab me in the heart? Do you have to do this? You hate us so much? I don’t want you to raise me. I’ll pay you back all the money you paid. Then don’t give us any more money! I’m sorry.
“Whatever!” And I’m going to hang up on that.
Don’t hang up! I beg you! Don’t do this to me! You came out of my belly! How can you do this to me? You can do this to me! I’m your mother! You’re bleeding me.” She’s crying on the phone.
“What do you want me to do to you? I told you to take my blood? If Zhao Xue wanted my heart and my liver, you’d give it to me, too. * I can’t control myself, I can’t control myself when I’m with her *
“I don’t want anything. I don’t want anything. You hate me! * She heard me say that it was soft and finally we hung up in silence. *
And then they didn’t contact me until after New Year’s, and my dad called me and asked me when I was going back and he made me chicken wings, and I didn’t know what to say.
And when I had not spoken to him for a long time, he said to him on the telephone, Zhao Fish, what is the matter with you? Are you all right?
“I don’t want to go back. I can’t go back. I’m sorry.
Fish! How can you talk like that? You’re a mother and father! How can we be reunited if you don’t go home? How long can a family last? “I can hear him trying to make himself more patient.
“I’ll call you later, that’s it! I’m sorry.
“Do you think Mom and Dad are just like that?” Is that all we can talk about? I don’t want your money. He said something on the phone.
I hung up on the phone, and I turned him over 10,000.
The first time he confiscated money, he returned to me, saying, “I don’t want it, so come back and see me, too.” I’m sorry.
I’m not going back to him.
11,
I finally got married, and in 2019 he won the championship with a team, and the host asked him what he wanted most, and he was in countless lights: “I want to go back and marry my girlfriend.” I’m sorry.
The moderator asked him, “Did your girlfriend say yes? I’m sorry.
He laughed at the camera and said, “If you don’t, ask her to do it.” I’m sorry.
I sat in the audience and laughed.
When I went back to the hotel at night, I took the ring and he held my hand and stopped.
Put my hand up and look at me as if I wanted an explanation.
I laughed at him and said, “Why?” Can’t I wear it? I’m sorry.
“You can’t turn your back on it? He holds my face, and I cannot escape.
I looked at him seriously and finally said the good word I wanted to say a long time ago.
Then a big kiss came at me.
I’m going to marry Yan and I’m going to have a little party. I’m going to call my friends and family. I’m going to college and high school.
A few days before my wedding, I got a phone call from my mother, and she yelled at me with anger, “Chao Fish!” I’m your mother! I’ll see the news when you get married. I’m sorry.
“What do you want to know? I’m calmly asking questions.
Zhao Fish, you can’t do this to me and your dad. She repeats:
“Mama, I remember a year and a half ago, I asked you if you wanted to meet Yan-chun. What did you tell me? Why is this suddenly so important? I asked her calmly.
“That’s different! Your dad and I thought you were good at it. I don’t think so. Are you going to take it from us? She’s speaking out loud.
“How do you know? The real reason is you don’t want to spend it for me, do you? Why are you so excited? I’ll do what I say, and I’ll live up to my promise. I’m sorry.
“That’s enough! Zhao Fish! You’re gonna kill me? You’re gonna do this to us? You’re married without parents. Aren’t you afraid the man will bully you? I’m sorry.
Don’t you want us to come to your wedding? My mother cried more and more on the phone.
“Can’t it be any worse? When I say this, my heart seems to be bleeding. Tears can’t help no longer.
“Little fish! Don’t fight Mom and Dad, okay? She finally prayed.
“Whatever! You’ll come if you want. “I finally got soft.
On the day of the marriage, my mother held my hand and said, “Live and live, it’s over.” “I pushed her hand several times, and her tears were in my hand, and I gave up the struggle.
She suddenly said, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid! I have a pension with your dad, your sister’s around, and we won’t bother you. I’m sorry.
I didn’t say anything, and she went out on everyone, and she was careful to ask me, “Fishie, you’ll never get married again. I’m sorry.
I didn’t know what to say, but she suddenly said, “You’re so angry, you’re so mean.” I’m sorry.
I don’t know how to face her, push her hand and get ready to go out.
She held me in her hands like a child who did something wrong, saying, “Sorry! You know Mom doesn’t mean anything. Don’t think about it. I’m sorry.
“I should get out of here! I finally spit out a sentence like that.
“Oh, good!”
As soon as I opened the door, I saw my dad standing at the door in a new suit with a nice smile: “Fishie, I’m not ashamed of you today!” He’s a bit unpaved, but he’s dressed up very carefully today.
I looked at them, and they were sore, and I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t say anything, and the tears came out first.
And when I cried, they panicked. Do whatever you want! I’m sorry.
“Why didn’t you treat me better?” I ended up whispering that.
“Sorry! It’s all Mom and Dad’s fault. It’s your day. Don’t cry! Mom’s wrong. Mom’s wrong! “My mother saw me cry, and she couldn’t stand it anymore, and she started crying, and I was so worried I could wipe my tears.
I pushed her away, walked out.
He’s waiting for me. He’s reaching for me.
He smiled at me.
I don’t know.
Keep your eyes on the road.
